Not a transcription day. Oh yes it is!

Welcome back to chriswasanon - yes there is, no there isn't, yes there is....

This morning was rather sunny and pleasant but now clouds are brewing on the horizon so I don't think it's quite time to remove the long handled underwear yet. Still the swallows are swooping and blackbirds bathe themselves with splashes in their bath.

Last night, lots of fun looking at screen captures of UFO. I can just hear that sixties music playing, I loved the gadget models in UFO. SID. was cool as were those mobiles and the interceptors, and surely SKY1 was based on an English-Electric Lightning jet aircraft. Then there was Ed Straker's secret SHADO headquarters cunningly disguised as a film studio if memory serves. Marvellous! I had little dinky-type working models of the interceptor and a mobile in me toybox.

They fired plastic missiles. Such a boy! These were their adversaries, Aliens!

A mysterious something UFO deep in the woods, actually its another model. Or is this the Rendlesham incident?

Well like a lot of things of personal yore, I get the feeling that the thrills of my tv. childhood if I was to view them as programmes now, would not hold the same joys. Besides it is another century. Although the way we carry on - it seems like business as usual...sigh...just another number...1900-2000.

Arse news.

I see Paul Cook's bottom is prominent on the Pontiff myspace today. I had wondered about sending that one along. That pic first saw the published light of day in Sex Pistols Scrapbook - now scarce - then for successive editions of Sex Pistols file. Ray Stevenson's photo diary. What excitement when I got that Sex Pistols file from my local bookshop. The only piccies of the pistols I had seen were in the music papers before then and the Daily Mirror.

And confessional Fashion news.

I went straight out upon absorbing that book when I was a teenager and I tore up an old white school shirt and painted...nah "daubed" the word "Anarchy" in red paint down the front of it. Well it was in homage to John Lydon and his home made anarchy shirt. The shirt that "may or may not" have been the prototype of the Westwood Karl Marx Anarchy special. Dangerously close anyway. I got in to the following conversation when I had my home-made anarchy shirt on...

"What's that, Anarchy?"

"I don't know, no politics, er no government."

"Well how can you have no government?"

"Errrrrrrrr."

DJ. News.

Steve isn't feeling 100% at the moment but I'm 100% sure that he will be back on the tip top of the mike soon. That's it for jukebox news today.

So I have a crave after Blake and UFO - to hear:

"Where's Captain Kirk?"

By "Spizz" - whatever names they called themselves that year.

As said, Tina has nothing for us today, sob! so there will be no beaming choice words from the transcriptorium in the transporter room. If the monitor flashes I will send out a signal on transmission band ZXSPECTRUM. Ah but now the spring sunshine beckons..."I use soft hygienic weetabix to dry my tears." Name the lyric and you could win nothing I'm afraid - this is a blog not a radio show! Now THIS is a radio show. Breaking news...shuffle..a transcription.

Chriswasanon

Hold it, hold it - this just in! (8:25 AM PST) I had to do my hair first.

tina

from April 20, 2006

Steve: The gas price is going up.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: They are slowly sneaking up there aren’t they?

Mr. Shovel: It’s funny, isn’t it?

Steve: Yesss. Is anyone gonna do anything about it, though? Nooo.

Mr. Shovel: Who can do anything about it?

Steve: Well, people can do things, if they get together.

Mr. Shovel: Like what?

Steve: Go and jump around outside the White House.

Mr. Shovel: and then what’s going to happen? They’re going to lower the price of gas?

Steve: Oh, I dunno. You tell me, did Vietnam, did that help having all the people protesting all the time? I’m sure it had something to with it, when it stopped?

Mr. Shovel: It took, you know…six years.

Steve: Yeah, but people don’t do anything like that anymore. Everyone’s on Lipitor and playing with their iPods…as the world changes around them. That’s my point. (long sigh from his capacious lungs) (US accent) I need to get an electric car. From Toyota of Huntington Beach. (strums guitar) A ppp-Prius. That’s what I need to get.

Mr. Shovel: They’re making like, bigger cars that are hybrids, as well.

Steve: Yeah?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Wonder Breads. Is that what they’re called.

Mr. Shovel: (goes along with him) Yeah. They go the polka dots on ‘em.

Steve: Rully. Who makes them, then? Toyota?

Mr. Shovel: All the different…

Steve: Everyone’s having a go?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: (continues to strum softly) I was thinking of getting a new car and there’s nothing I really like. Mercedes are just junk, now. Porsches, I had one of them before and I feel a little bit of a wanker driving one of them around. I like the…Bentley.

Mr. Shovel: (smartass mode) Yeah, I don’t think they have a hybrid yet.

Steve: No they…but they have nice cars, if you’re looking for some action.

Mr. Shovel: You don’t feel like a wanker in a Bentley?

Steve: No, I don’t.

Mr. Shovel: But you do, in a Porsche.

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Okay…

Steve: You don’t understand.

Mr. Shovel: You might as well be driving a house.

Steve: Why would I want to drive a house around. That’s the point of having a car, you take ‘em TO the house, after you drivin’ the car. (sings a couple of lines, sort of, from Bicycle Built For Two, sounding like a dead undertaker in a horror film or something)

I’m gonna play a tune now. This is how I feel.

(sings)

Cars hotels and bars and superstars
Is what I want
Lazy Boys, silly toys
you know you won’t get far
oh oh oh oh
Plastic men driving around in their houses
Bimbettes, botox
Plastic knocks
on the door with opportunity
oh

(Mr. Shovel drops in this Michael Caine audio from the movie, "Alfie")

Alfie: “One thing about driving a Rolls, they’re pleased to see you anywhere.”

(Steve continues)

That’s what I’m talking about

Gas is going to be taking the piss
Are friends electric?
You know you can’t miss
What are we all, in a trance
Transcendental state with the army in a right state
(plays harmonica)

_____________

(they talk some more after the second set of songs)

Steve: They don’t stand for nonsense in Europe, you know. With things they don’t like, people get up and scream about it and things get changed. No one seems to do that in America. Is there a reason for that, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I’m just being The Devil’s Advocate here, Steve. Gasoline is about five dollars a gallon in Europe.

Steve: It’s a lot more.

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: It’s a lot more; it always has been, though.

Mr. Shovel: But they’re not doing anything about it.

Steve: Well…I don’t think they have loads of gas. America has about thirty years of gas down in Alaska. Or wherever the bloody hell they keep it. You know what I mean? Europe don’t have gas. I guess we do need some money, though, if we’re gonna bomb Iran, right?

Mr. Shovel: Well, yeah. But we don’t want to damage the oil wells.

Steve: Right. There’s another good move. Another good move and we all just watch “American Idol” and get on with our lives, I suppose. Am I being…am I talking out of my bum?

Mr. Shovel: Somebody’s got to say it, Steve.

Steve: But I mean am I, is that…am I talking nonsense?

Mr. Shovel: No. I’ve just…I’ve just gotten to a point where I’ve realized that they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do…no matter what anybody says.

Steve: What…they got away with murder with Katrina and no one done anything. Jesus, they didn’t do anything, you know? “Let’s charge fifty dollars for a pint of milk, see what happens.
As we watch “American Idol” and fondle with our iPods and take antidepressants that are advertised on TV.

Mr. Shovel: During the news.

Steve: Yessss. “Spend spend spend…” Let’s visit the Duke. Thanks for listening.

Orac (well, there's a wee bit of transcription) April 19th 2006

Welcome back to chriswasanon. Yes it is the Orac what a sexy in a gadgety printed circuit nerdy sort of way - although allbeit boxy - beast it is - much more than just a computer, a brain according to the script. Or is just another piece of Space junk from Blake's 7. Matt Irving knows.

Myspace news

Wo! Steve has posted some picture comments to a young lady over on the myspace and as ever there are some entertaining picture comments left by the...well altar I suppose. Now I'd quite like to have a pontiff doll meself but I imagine sadly that the hot tub accessory is extra - they always are :-( Do we have to assume that the batteries are included? I wish I could shake myself from this religious thing I seem to have got into with the Pontiff. That ole myspace is acting weird again isn't it as of today when I tried to bulletin.

Guitar and Jukebox news

Now how much did that off white Les Paul custom job guitar go for? £33,000 with an additional "buyer's premium" of 20% making une figure totale of £39,600 or in USD $70,928. et + 83 centimes. Qwite Fwankly m'dear I'm s-t-a-g-g-e-r-e-d. How on earth I'm going to pay for it is beyond me ;-)

Oh well now I see. I don't have to because

a). I did not bid

b) "It's just a fake, make no mistake, a ripoff for you..."

It was a ringer, of sorts and Steve did said so as much on the box last night. Oh these are the things though that dreams are made of. So Jones is still angling to get the real thing - no not Coke you fool, I'm bloggying about his original Los Sex Pistolero guitar. Strange things that we desire. Mon dieu Arbuthnot! Mebbes Orac can help us. Go to it Orac, make it come homewards. Updatum. Well it seems that this story is a little more complicated than that, Steve did own this guitar but...anyway I think that Tina is going to transcribe it for us to ponderise over.

Jukebox records news.

A nice slab of punk music last night on the box too weren't there? Sham 69 and Clash and the Splodgers and the Ruts and the Jam and even Who killed Bambi? As you can see there is no transcription today. Is it becoming a bit of a bore?

Oh well I can think of worse things to do. You'll get the tip - no worries. It seems that something is cooking, yes the transcriptorium's bank of lights are flashing away...indicative of activity.

This info bulletin cobbled almost entirely from myspace and my partner in creativity Tina. Except for the picture of ORAC which is my own indulgence to super computers everywhere. Next time a blurred picture of Jenna - probly...not and hello yes...a transcription coming through...

Chriswasanon


Here is a bit to clarify the guitar issue
Tina

from 4/19/06

Tina is at the controls.

Steve: I just got a message from a friend of mine in England. There was this white Les Paul on ebay or, it was actually a guitar that I had, but if I don’t remember selling it as the original one, and this guy sold it as the original one for…it just sold, apparently for 33,000 pounds, which is close…that’s at least fifty grand, dollars there. More – it’s more. I’m so annoyed. Not that the guy…well a little bit that the guy got a lot more money than what I sold it for…let me spray around here. Let me combat the holy gas. Hold on. (we hear the sound of aerosol air freshener being sprayed)

(It's)Not that the bloke got that much money...(reconsiders) a little bit, but the fact that the original one, which I’m hoping to get will take the sting out of that, but…whatever, you know. The swindle continues…that’s all I can tell ya.

I have a harmonica right here. It’s the original one that I used on uh...“Bodies” and uh...I’m willing to sell it right now for uh...fifteen thousand pesetas, if anyone is interested. (sings) She was a girl from Birmingham…(starts blowing into harmonica) You remember, can you hear this in the background? (replicates that chugging jun-jun-jun from “Bodies” on the harmonica) If you listen closely on headphones, you’ll hear that in the background, right. (continues on harmonica) And this harmonica is the one I actually played on there. Chris Thomas will tell ya, too. (quietly, sneaky-ish) I’ll get him to verify...

No transcription - today neither.

This blog is heading towards albeit slowwwwwwwwly - its 100th post. In this neck of the Internation it seems that the winters are long and the summers are short. There is currently no transcription available to resavour and enjoy but as and when something fresh wings this way, like the first swallows back from warmer climes and the ospreys out on the Solway - you will get the pigeon post.

Chriswasanon

A little digression - no transcript today.

The Sheriff of Rockingham, the Ayatollah of Rock 'n' rollah, I wonder how Steve would look like as the Ayatollah - there is definitely a religious theme illuminated like a goldleaf reredos. Well I left a fine 14th Century crozier for Easter. The No. 1. Social networking site, the myspace. Just a picture cuh - think CwA breaks into churches? Cuh! Think again! Sign up - add me - delete me.

My space deletions. or - Being deleted.

Rather than going around dobbing people in because they don't have Stephen Jones our Pontiff of Pop in their top 8, Chris was Anon ALWAYS does the opposite - that's why the Rotter was made welcome here and Shlomoe our AltErNaTiVe Mr. Shovel may pin his GG. Allin poster up if he wants. Yar boo sucks! Likewise if Miche wishes she can chew the fat here.

My space additions. 0r + Being added.

A gent added me on the ole myspace and just happened to mention that he had applied for a blessing a month since from Steve to no availment - Together we gets the result. An audience and addition and we have one very happy man with Maximum Pontifex in his top 8.

It is meet and proper my brethren and sisthren ;-) to remember the distress that that first terrible wave of deletions had on our Pontifical community. Some of the oldest bloggers from the previous forum were tossed overboard without so much as a bye as they left.

I'm afraid I completely missed Steve's guest Ian Gillan tonight as I was out staring at the original Orac and the original Liberator. The models from Blakes 7. Matt Irving with 22 years of experience in model making for the BBC - before squeaky clean CGI took over - was in Wigtown. DR. Who, DR. Who...It's a strange thing to see the things of your childhood televisual viewing pleasure standing like so many Airfix or er Revell construction kits on a table. Blakes 7 happened before we crossed the last aeon and pledged to "DeStRoY television." ;-)



THE LIBERATOR IN ALL ITS GLORY FROM BLAKES 7.

Well now, what does it says up there? "Eclectic" or taking influences from many things. So watch out! I may finally post my Moroccan holiday snaps. Tina will be back with the dope soon I feel. I'm talking TRANSCRIPTION TRANSCRIPTION TRANSCRIPTION. and any other thing. When that happens, we will let you know.

Chriswasanon

I finished the Angel of Anarchy bit!

See below. No, below that, under the Rundgren bit. See it? Good. Enjoy!
Tina

Does this image convey the dark majesty of Anarki?



In a word Non! Yet every Mad Doctor has a need of an Igor.

Chriswasanon "The storm is rising master." Bahhahahhahahahhha...clunk...scrape...

April 15, 2006 - A Look Back to March 20, 2006 A bit of Todd Rundgren and The (New) Cars

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. Dr Who. Dr Who...Dr. Who hooo the Tardis, Dr. Who. What a great song that was but and what a great post we have here for you. We have ze New York Dollski and the Rock 'n' Roll hall of ass flame fame. A fab Les Paul guitar with a man speeding away. Steve Jones is Bert Weedon on amphetamines. The TrAnScRiBer has knocked out some more of the Interland's favourite radio show. It's Jonesy's Jukebox innit! So without any more of this or much of that lets get right to rolling this Easter Egg down the hill.

Chriswasanon.

Tina IS at the controls.


The New Cars with Todd Rundgren March 20, 2006


Steve: I’ve got to ask you, I know we’re talking about The New Cars, but I’ve got to ask you cos I’m a huge fan of that first Dolls album. What was that like, working on that?

Todd: Um, it was a sort of controlled chaos. Um, the band, you know, had something of a work ethic, I suppose, particularly David Jo, he was trying to keep, you know, trying to be the ringmaster of everything and they envisioned themselves as like the Rolling Stones. They liked to dress up in drag, you know and like…and Johnny Thunders liked to whip his hair up like Keith Moon (sic) used to do and flail at his guitar in that halfassed manner that Keith still does and um, it was such a, you know, it was like there was the band, that was five guys and then there were like the twenty or thirty people a night who were just like there to…

Steve: Hanging out.

Todd: …observe the spectacle. A lot of rock critics and a lot of groupies of various kinds and other sorts of liggers and hangers-on. And, yeah, it was all about trying to get enough focus just to put a take down, you know, let’s get a take down somehow. And, yeah it was ironic that you know, when it came to the mixing part of it, they just got in too much of a hurry. I think we could have had a better-sounding record in the end. But they just got into, “We’ve got a gig in Long Island, hurry up and mix it.” And that was one of my, well, it wasn’t my earliest production, but it was one in which I went back on one of my golden rules which is: You don’t allow the band in the room while you’re mixing. Because, particularly if it their first album, cos the drummer only hears the drums and the guitar player only hears the guitar and the bass player…all these things and before you know it, all the faders are pinned up at the top of the board and you just can’t get anything any louder. People usually like it better when they come in and hear it all kind of close and then make some adjustments.

Steve: Was your head space a professional head space at that time or was you kind of crazy as well at the time?

Todd: Oh, no…I’m pretty much of a disciplinarian in the studio. I also had the benefit of Jack Douglas was there, helping with the engineering and stuff. And you know, the band wasn’t, despite their surly attitude wasn’t really that hard to work with. You know, it’s just as I said, like, an old Mafioso neighbor of theirs was their manager and he really didn’t know anything about managing a band and uh, and they didn’t know anything about being managed, either and point of fact, they hardly made it past their second album before they just blew up.

Steve: Right. Did they approach you to do their second album?

Todd: Uh, no I don’t believe so. No, I think they had it in their mind that they wanted uh, uh…what’s his name? Was it Richard Gotterer?

Steve: That old fifities guy, right?

Elliot Easton: Oh, Gotterer? Gotterer maybe?

Todd: I think that was, I think that was him.

Elliot: Mr. I Want Candy?

Todd: Yes, I believe. They wanted the guy who originally did the, who was it, The Shangri-Las.

Steve: Right, right.

Elliot: Oh, Shadow Morton.

Todd: Shadow Morton. That was it. Shadow Morton. And they said that he spent most of his time asleep on the console.

Steve: It sounded like it.

Elliot: So you guys had something in common, Steve. You guys have Malcolm McLaren in common because didn’t he put the Dolls in red patent leather with a communist flag behind them and bring them over to England.

Steve: Yeah, and then they got rid of him.

Elliot: And that was the end of the band, basically.

Steve: Yeah, I think so. The other thing that was in common, we had the same guitar. A white Les Paul that Sylvain, I think, had. McLaren brought that back and I used that for all through the Pistols. But I…dunno if it was a pain in the ass to do that album, but I love that album. I think that’s a brilliant album. I think you did a great job.

Todd: It wasn’t so much a pain, it just was…a circus in a sense, you know. I’m not used to have that much attending personnel when you’re trying to make a record and, you know, it was very distracting for the band. But…they were all about the scene…they were just making music in the midst of the whole scene that they were creating.

Steve: Yeah. Well, I used to do speed and play along to that album for hours and hours (general laughter) trying to learn how to play guitar.

Todd: Get your chops together.

Steve: Yeah, that’s it. I’d been literally playing three months before the Pistols did our first gig and that was one of the albums and one of The Stooges albums…

Todd: It probably didn’t take you very long to get better than Johnny Thunders.

Steve: Well…yeah, yeah. He had a vibe though, Thunders. You know what I mean?

Todd: Well, that’s the thing. He was all vibe, you know. He was totally all vibe. You could say that he didn’t necessarily play the same solo twice because sometimes he couldn’t even find the same place on the neck two times in a row, you know. Yeah, he was the one most likely to be at the nether edges of inebriation during the process.

Steve: But he had a good rock and roll spirit.

Elliot: Yeah, he did. I saw him at The Speakeasy when we were making our first album, which we made in London at our studios and I think he had Jerry Nolan playing drums and some of those guys. Did you go, Greg, to The Speakeasy that night…it was Johnny Thunders.

Todd: The Speak? Goin’ down to The Speak?

Steve: In London.

Greg Hawkes: Yeah, I think I did.

Steve: Yeah, I used to play with him down there.

Elliot: It was great. Well this would be like, late ’77.

Steve: Yeah.

Elliot: And uh, you know, he did like, “Pipeline”, he did some like, really cool stuff and it sounded good.

Steve: You never got paid. He’d just run off with all the money and go and cop.

Elliot: It was rough, but like you say, it had a great vibe to it.

Todd: Ah, the good old days. Well, that is the essence of rock and roll. One guy screwing everybody else and running off with the money.

Elliot: And then proceeding to die.

Todd: And then the rest of them die. And that’s rock and roll.

_____________________________________

Later in the interview they discuss the Pistols’ induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and their refusal to participate in the ceremony.

Todd: I’m glad you guys set the precedent. I was hoping somebody would do it before I ever got nominated. But that’s never going to happen anyway. But people keep saying, “Oh, please let us campaign for you.” You know, “Let us get you in the Hall of Fame.” Pulleeze, you know.

Steve: Do you think that more people would do that, now that we’ve done that?

Todd: I hope so.

Steve: Yeah. So you’re not that fond of it, either.

Todd: Well, I mean it’s…if you’ve ever been there it’s more like the Mall of Fame, you know. It’s just all slick. You know…you go to the House Of Blues, it’s more like rock and roll than going to the actual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So, you know, if was a real Rock Hall of Fame it would be some old, bombed-out warehouse somewhere…it would be unsafe…and yeah. I’ve never been into the concept of trying to take music that’s supposed to be extemporaneous and uh, and really sort of anti-establishment in a way and then making an establishment for it. In that sense it takes some of the fun out.

Steve: I wouldn’t mind it if they gave you like, medical or something. (general laughter) You know what I mean? Some insurance or something.

Todd: A retirement plan would be great, a pension.

Steve: I wanted to get my statue and sell it on ebay and see how much money I could get for it. But we’ve all decided just not even to accept them, just let them do what they will with them. Burn them at the fire…

Elliot: It’s funny to be embraced by an industry who dropped you, one after another…

Steve: I dunno. When I first heard about it and few months ago, I thought, “Oh, great. We’re being acknowledged for something.” And then after speaking to John and a few other people about it when I delved into it more, I realized how it is nonsense.

Todd: Well, it is sort of nonsense when you see Lou Reed acting publicly hurt because Jefferson Airplane got in before he did or something like that and you think…you always thought like, he would have been above that and look at how it just like, suckers people in, in a way.

Steve: You see…you find out, I guess, your true colors, in a way.

Todd: I suppose.

Steve: You know what I mean? I know we get older and we’re meant to be more, you know, what’s the word…have a bit more dignity or whatever, but I think the dignifying thing to do is to not be, not care about it.

Elliot: What I love is the bands where, you know, one member won’t play with the others and all this kind of stuff…

Steve: Oh, to hell with them. (all laugh)


Joint Easter Bunny production Floratina and Chriswasanon co-operative.

Just to let you know...

that Jack's shack is down. The computer supply unit that powers all the various bits and bobs on a computer blew up and took the motherboard with it. Jack is currently looking for another temporary solution. Other than that all is normal here, no more dead swans to be found in Fife, though touristicos with digi cams have been flocking to Cellardyke to have the place pointed out where that dead whooper swan came ashore. Also I like Steve's hirsute myspace profile pic, visually appalling to deplilators but it is in - a tactile touchy feely sense - I am reliably informed, like hugging someone in a mohair jumper.

Whether Tina will bring on another transcription I do not know but I would just like to say a thank you for all your comments - each and everyone is mused over and noted. We appreciate your support of this our transcriptorium. Have a good weekend whatever you do.

UPDATUM. Well having the man in your top 8, you are aware of any profile pic changes he makes. So first it was hairy arse then it was, tattoo me with mercy, then for a brief second a long haired nay silken sun blondy Steve on a motorbike looking back to camera but now it is the silken hat on a cleric's head. It is all complete Pontiffism and if you wish to see the changes for yourself - add the Pontiff on

www.myspace.com/sexjones

and after the add, keep him fairly and squarely in your top 8 for to fail in this is heresy and he will delete you faster than a rampaging boot sector root kit virus deletes all your files on your computer - possibly. Steppin' up - I have some suspicion that Tina will post something else - what me worry Shloemoe as I'm going off to watch Dr. Who on a neighbour's telly!


Chriswasanon.

The Angel Of Anarchy In All His Gory Glory April 13, 2006

The first musical set ends and alien sci-fi music fades in.

Steve: (Sounding raspy and evil like the very Devil) Yes. I’m back. The Devil’s Concubine. MMmmm. MMMMMM. You thought you got rid of me, didn’t you? But I’m back with a vengeance, darlings. More satanic majesties. I am the Angel of Anarchy! And you can’t defy! That was Upper Crust. “Let Them Eat Rock”. MMMmmm. Never better words spoken in the Queen’s english. Let the peasants eat rock. They’re not good for anything else. Lower the drawbridge, raise the taxes!

Then we had the Bangkok Five. I love that middle word. Bangkok! Mmmm…veddy erotic. That song was called…WHERE'S MY MUSIC? (music surges again) Mmmm. I like that spacey sound. It’s a new, improved sound…from my spaceship up in the stratosphere looking down at all you peons. “Who’s Gonna Take Us Alive?” The Bangkok Five. Then we had a long, long lost ancestor of mine, Danko Jones and that song was called, “Hot Damn Woman”. MMMmm. I love sexual overtones. Then we had “Breaking The Law”! That’s verse five of Chapter Four in my bible. Breaking the law! And we started off with Fu Manchu and that song was called, “Written In Stone”.

Everything I say is written in stone, somewhere.

Stonehenge, there’s some words about me somewhere there. (his music stops for a few beats, then starts again) Where’s my godd…there it is.
(Mr. Shovel can be heard laughing in the background)
We’ve got to find some new music, Mr. Shovel, (trying to keep from laughing) that’s not working. I’m gonna visit The Duke…and ask him if he has any harlequin music. I will be back. Woouuahhh. Woooaaaah. Take it away.

--------------------------------------------

(Intro to the second set. The space music has been replaced by ominous monster chiller music)

The Angel Of Anarchy: Yes. The Hounds of The Baskerville, Lady Darbanville and you other morons out there with your gremlings. You have no idea of the pain I feel.
(now with reverb)
I was born of an infant with a nail in my head, do you understand? I can’t remove it, it’s lodged in-between my membranes. I’ve had attempted surgery. But I’m gonna have fun this summer banging nails in other people’s heads. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

-------------------------------------------

(The second set of songs has just ended )

The Angel Of Anarchy: …that one was called, “She’s Got The Jack”. I don’t know what they’re inferring to, but its some sexual overtones or undertones. That’s another band from Ireland, The Undertones.
(The Angel is struggling with something, must be the reverb button)
Urg! Urk! ug…that’s more like it! (echoes)
That’s better. (laughter in the background) Don’t laugh! I’m in my castle. That’s what I was missing.
(now the sinister music fades back in)
We had Iggy Pop and The Stooges. Oooh, Stoooges, that’s a fantastic word. The song was called, “Gimme Danger”, in the manger.

Ain’t that where Jesus was born, in the manger?
(doesn’t realize that his mood music has trailed off)
Not the minge, the manger, you FOOL...danger! What is wrong with you?!!
It’s Easter this week…eeaagghhHHHHH!
(lapses into a convulsion of agonized outcries that echo throughout his “castle”)
Where’s my music!!
(sinister music slithers back in again as Mr. Shovel laughs)

We started off with Danzig. Hmmmmm. That’s better. I feel fuzzy wuzzy now. Yesss. “Dirty Black Summer” .

Is my potion ready? It’s wearing off again!!
(evil music surges, even louder this time)
WooooaaaGGHHH!!! (more agonized hollering like a mad B-movie scientist, it sounds like it's painful)

(they go to commercial)
--------------------------------------------

(intro to third set of songs)

Angel Of Anarchy: (we hear his groans and that evil music)
If you’re just tuning in, I am the Angel Of Anarchy.
Prepare to be defied.
There’s a whole wasteland that isn’t discovered and…
I WILL LAY MY HAND DOWN ON YOU…
AND YOU WILL BE CONVERTED – to insanity…
and YOU WILL BE MINE!!! MINE! MINE MINE!!!!

-------------------------------------------

(The third set of songs has just ended. The evil music is back, but now the reverb is missing)

Angel Of Anarchy: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox, Angel Of Anarchy…that was the HELLacopters and that song was called, “Everything’s On TV”.
Defiance.
Then we had Kiss – some concubines of mine – from a later era. From back in time, when make-up was cheap. That song was called, “Strutter”.
Ohhh. I shudder to think.
And then we had Turbo Negro from Lichtenstein or somewhere in that vicinity. That’s song is called, “Self Destructo Bust” - that’s a WARNING for all you nubiles with plastic knockers. It could happen to you! Be careful. You must find the right surgeon. There has been many mistakes made. I will come ‘round and bang nails in them! OOOOH, can you imagine. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE CARNAGE?

Then we had Wolf Mother “White Unicorn” was the name of that song. Oohaaaaghh. Unicorn, that’s a sign from God. Keep him away. No more unicorns for me.

Then we started off with my old friend, Alex Harvey doing a good classic called, “Faith Healer”. (groans)

Why is it so cold in here, Mr. Shovel? It’s meant to be HELL! (the reverb is back, by the way) Put some more humans on the fire! Stoke up this place. They don’t call it’s “Stoker’s Dracula” for nothing. STOKE IT UP!! WHAAAAA!

-------------------------------------------

(fade in, monster scary music just before the forth set of songs)

Angel Of Anarchy: Yesss…I love the descent on the harpsichord. It makes my cloak stand on end.

That REMINDS ME Mr. Shovel, I must get a new turban. I’ve lost the jewels in this one. It MUST have been last week, when I beheaded twenty children…for insolence. And let me warn you it could happen to you, too.

No one is extinct from my madness.
(aside to Mr. Shovel) Does that make sense?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Angel of Anarchy: Well, it SOUNDED good at the time.
(the music has paused and Mr. Shovel can be heard laughing, then the music fades back in)
Yess. HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME, MR. SHOVEL! IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT I SAY!
It’s all the Devil’s work.

(aside again to Mr. Shovel) Is it the "Devil"...who am I?
(Mr. Shovel is still laughing in the b.g)
(bellowing again) I’M SOMEONE LIKE HIM!! I can’t go out in the sunshine.

Mr. Shovel: That would be a vampire.

Angel of Anarchy: (suddenly reasonable) Yes, I don’t think I’m a vampire, am I? (umpy again) What do you want me to be? I DON’T KNOW! Waaaaa! WAGHH! WAGAAHHHHHHHH!
--------------------------------------------

(The forth set of songs has just ended. Fade in scary music yet again)

Angel of Anarchy: (utters a sort of sigh-groan, complaining now) I’m so tired of this voice, (creepy music has faded and he is echoing a capella) but I must go to the end. Just to be true to myself. I’d feel like such a phony if I’d come back in with the Steve Jones cockney voice right now. It doesn’t make any sense. (the evil music settles back in like a fog) So I will continue to two bells. BEAR WITH ME Los Angeles, Orange County, a little bit of that PCH and Ventura Boulevard.

I’m gonna spray you all with concubine and incubus-succubus. (nagging) You will enjoy, do you hear me? I will MAKE you understand.

Anyway, never mind that. That was the New York Dolls from their second album (groans, getting a bit worn out) Ohh. Jesus Christ. “Too Much Too Soon” was the name of that son…(catches himself) ALBUM. (to himself) Idiot. That song was, “Who Are The Mystery Girls”.
(matter-of-factly)
I wouldn’t mind a mystery girl tonight myself! Just show up at the doorstep, would you and do what I tell you. You will hate it, but you will please an old man. I will give you a cloak and a Jonesy’s Jukebox pin. (burst of laughter from both, then) STOP IT, I’M NOT MEANT TO LAUGH, THIS IS THE WRONG CHARACTER.

We had The Damned, yes. THAT name rings a bell. THE DAAAAAMNED! And that song was called, “Problem Child”. If any of you problem parents have problem childs, you must bring ‘em to me…and I will correct them. I HAVE WAYS! I will put ‘em in my army for two years and they will come back saying, “Yes ma’am, no ma’am” That IS what you want, isn’t it? You don’t want insolence from juveniles! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? (clears throat) Never mind.

Then we had Early Man and that song was called, (very closely) “Feeding Frenzy”. YEESS. I like THAT. That rings true to my…membranes with the nail in it. Feeeeeding frenzzzy. Oh, Burning Brides! “Leave No Ashes”. That song was called, “Suicide”...it’s not. But it’s next to the 1. that said “Suicide”…I just LIKE THAT WORD! (perturbed) Who cares what it’s called!! It’s just rock and roll. Yesss. I created a form of rock and roll, myself. (cue scary background music again) Yeh, I love that declining harpsichord sound. That just makes my hat stand on end. That makes my pointed shoes curl up. My jaffa cake shoes. Do you ever heard of jaffa cake, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Angel of Anarchy: (almost convivial) Quite delicious. Although they did give me heartburn. But take some Pepto Bismol. Only the type that has smoke comin’ out of it, though. I can’t drink normal drinks they have to have smoke comin’ out my drinks. MMMMMMmmm. (continuing his song listing) Then we had The Sword. “Age Of Winters” Uuugh. Listen, doesn’t that sound right with my voice? (becomes more aggravated) I’ll say it again for you for you idiots who ain’t listening. The SWORD. “AGE OF WINTERS”!! WOOOAAHH. And that song was called, “Iron Swan”. Yessss.

We’re almost there, Mr. Shovel. Where’s my cane? I want to beat something! Bring me that rat from the corner. I want to knock his block off. I’m annoyed with myself and everyone around me. I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but who cares!! (getting louder) I’M THE MAN WHO CAN FOR TWO HOURS A DAAAAAYYY!!! WaaaaAAAA! DUKE!

(last little bit of the show is all that’s left after this last set of commercials. The sound of lightly tormented beings of some kind or other - that sound oddly like our host - echo in the distance through the “castle”)

Angel of Anarchy: Why do my pets make noise…haven’t they been fed, Mr. Shovel?! (commanding) Feed that hog! What are they doing? Are they having sexual intercourse again what is going on I thought you put the salt peter in their food. (a bit poncey here) You MUST calm those animals, Mister Shovel. (PUNCHY AGAIN) I pay you good money, board and keep. (there’s that music again) Why do you do this? Such insolence. Yesss, I love the sounds of my beasts…gargoyles…jackabites and apes…monkeys with silver heads, personally painted by me. (the beasts are still making noises) Silver paint. I love the way it seeps into their heads and gives ‘em lead poisoning. A slow death (“no master…no master” can be heard in background) SILENCE! I’m gonna leave you with Uriah Heap and this song is called “Wizard”. How could you NOT play a song that’s called “Wizard”, I have no idea what it’s like, I just love the title. I WILL BE BACK tomorrow at twelve bells with CC Deville. No, NOT Lady Darbanville! No, NOT Cecil B. DeMille, CC DEVILLE, YOU FOOLS! Twelve bells. Ding dong. Ding dong.

The end.

April 13, 2006

Tina here. I'm thinking I might have a go at some of the Angel Of Anarchy's ranting today. Don't know if it will translate well to print. Shall I attempt?

Has a little thing like that ever stopped you before? I didn't hear him I was too busy gazing at the moon and the Pontiff. Was he in full rant and rave mode tonight er today...

Anyway if this email doesn't download soon I'm off.



Sidney Eliz II Windsor Vicious
Steve John Paul II Jones
Paul Scales of Justice Cook
John Mrs. Thatcher Rotten.

With the line-up complete, we immediately set about putting our plan into effect...

Chriswasanon

Tina again. It appears that St. Stephen was overtaken again by The Angel of Anarchy, warning us that we will all be defied and defiled. At least he gave notice. We've met The Angel before, it's just that he hadn't until now revealed his name. He is difficult to portray as he tends to appear only in backlogs, announcing songs and making pronouncements. One has to hear him in order to fully grasp his ominousness.

Where had it come from, this Angel of Anarchy? What was it's purpose - to cause as much fuss and controversy as possible. Bahahahahahahah!

Chriswasanon should have gone to Art School...I heard a little of the rebroadcast last night and that voice is so loaded with menace and an awful foreboding of things to come, things that we lonely scribes cannot possibly comprehend except through consulation of the Akashic record. Now deep in the stygian dungeons - isn't this not a whit alike to the Hallow'een show when Steve played the whole of Screamin' Lord Sutch's, "Jack the Ripper?" So deek you then at yon white robed awful mage, the Haly Pontiff. See he cooketh up unnamed punishments in bulletined thou shalt nots for all Jacobites by name. Lend an ear lend an ear. Number 8 number 8 number 8.

From doctrinal grimoires that whisper in black illuminated letters of the dark terrors. These sent to seep fear and creeping colly wobbles into the bairn-like hearts of all. With his crozier he stirs the pot of now and from the future tosses the willing supplicants into the cauldron where their supine bodies fall with ane foul hiss into the fug and smirr of his concentration. This act of surrender shall bring consuming power to his myspace profile page. But something more drives him forward. Can he but now retrieve that off-white Les Paul lazlo custom Gibson guitar with the two bird stickers from way back in the last century, then the Moorcockian Maol Chalum Mac Labhrainn ‘son of Labhrann' circle will be fulfilled. The pogoing pissing hordes will rise once more from their punk wood slump and the cry of Anarchy peace and freedom will be heard on the lips and in the deeds of all throughout the Interland. Improbably. Now read on...

Or is it just Mr. Shov ell's busy fingers on the mixing board making creepy voices?

Chriswasanon

Rambling About The Range - April 12

Welcome back to Chriswasanon, a sort of blog about myspace and a radio show. Nice to see our old hit counter trucking along. I hope that Car's banned from myspace post got through. Cos this hare is an information service and we on the chriswasanon the old chriswasanon believe that the pony post must get through. So give me a home - where the buffalo roam and I will show you a very muddy carpet. The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart of Dallas.

"I tried to ban it, tried very hard y'know but they said there would be lawsuits and I thought welllll." Promoter on the Dallas leg of the tour of Sex Pistols in 78.

God I wish I could play the old moothie, er mouth organ. Some valuable information from Aaron on cleaning one. Move over Larry Adler, I'm coming to getcha. So we been on a wooding mission and got ourselves a hot little fire going. Was that a shooting star? I like that cowboys t-shirt you are wearing Roger, nice black label. SEX? Ooh I'm not that kind of a dogie rounder-upper. Oh clobber! More beans...with yer hominy grits and them pork chitterlins? Well I reckon somethings in this little old world of ours aint worth that amount of jumping up and down over and you know Roge...there are times when a man's jist damn well got to get away from it all for a while. Or something. Take it away Tina.

The comments Steve posts from the cast of characters on his MySpace can be quite humorous and even educational.

Aaron gave The Pontiff some props as well as some advice on the care and cleaning of a harmonica: “Yesterday's show was amazing. You were crazed! How to Do Basic Maintenance on Your Harmonica. Cleaning Steps: 1. Tap the harmonica vigorously against the palm of your hand before and after playing. 2. Run tap water through the harmonica to dissolve saliva and food deposits. 3. Shake out the excess water, then tap the harmonica against your hand. 4. Hold your head in an upright position when playing, which will keep excess saliva from clogging up your instrument. 5. Play with a "dry" mouth. 6. Use a soft cotton cloth to wipe the harmonica."

There's this one from Doppler: “Really, if you could get into more detail about the stench of your harmonica during my lunch hour that would really be appreciated. Dear, God, you continue to defy. F'in A!”

Here’s today’s selection.

Tina IS at the controls.


Steve: (speaks as he’s tuning his guitar) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. A gorgeous day out today, Wednesday. One minute after twelve bells. It really is a nice day out. Let’s tune this thing up, give it it’s weekly tune-up. I just washed my harmonica, like I was told to. Tap it on your hand and then you run water through it. It still stinks, a bit. Maybe you’ve got to put a, some disinfectant would be good.

Mr. Shovel: At that point, you need to use a…like a toothbrush.

Steve: Oh, you do? Is that what’s…you just making that up or is that…

Mr. Shovel: No. But it if was new and it wasn’t stinky, you could just rinse it out.

Steve: (sniffing the harmonica) Now it smells of…not pleasant. It doesn’t smell of saliva, it just has a weird like...old socks or something. Oooh…I dunno if I can blow this today. Maybe I’ll just grin and bear it, just cos that’s how dedicated I am to entertaining Los Angeles and Orange County…and a little bit of the valley. (blows a note on his harmonica) See that? See what I do for you lot? Spoil you lot rotten. (blows a couple more) And a high note. (blows a high note) And all the notes. (and he does) Oh, I see. When you blow on it a bit, it smells a bit better. (blows a few flourishes, very lovely) It sounds so jolly doesn’t that? Just going up and down, jolly…like “The war’s over!” (blows a jovial bit) It’s like that “Anarchy” - the French bloke singing “Anarchy”. (mimicks the Jerzimy “L’ Anarchie Pour Le UK” from The Swindle)

What’s going on, Shovel? Anything new in this exciting world that we live in?

Mr. Shovel: We’ve got to put together a cd of all your little goofy songs.

Steve: Yeah. I think we need to put a cd together of our best in-the-studio performances of people who have been on here. I think that would be good.

Mr. Shovel: But if you did just your goofy songs, then you know, you wouldn’t have to pay anybody else for publishing.

Steve: That’s true. I don’t mind paying someone, though. If it’s a good thing, you know, they wrote the bleedin’ songs. They deserve it. You know what I mean? But can they do this? (blows notes a bit haphazardly up and down harmonica)

Mr. Shovel: Well, that’s what makes it special.

Steve: Exactly. (picks some notes on guitar) Hello. We’re monkeys in a cage right now Mr. Shovel. There’s a big load of people outside staring at us. (treats us to a few more notes) It’s better. I don’t think…it smells like, like damp bread or something. (sniffs yet again) That’s what it smells like. Like wet bread?

Mr. Shovel: It’s the yeast.

Steve: Yeahh. (keeps inhaling the essence of the aromatically challenged musical device) Maybe if I blow harder, I’ll get all that white stuff out of it.

Mr. Shovel: You see how I just let that one fly right by?

Steve: (stops blowing momentarily) You shouldn’t have brought attention to it. Now you’re making everyone think. (starts up again, laughing as he goes) See? It’s happy now. (embarks upon an impromptu Pontiff instrumental harmonica and guitar composition, of a slightly melancholy variety) That was a little song I’ve written for a camp fire out in the outback of uh…Texas. (our host has slipped into a southwestern cowboy accent for this bit of storytelling strumming along with his guitar as he goes)

It was me and Jeffro (Jethro) just sittin’ there, cookin’ some blackeyed peas. Lookin’ up at the moonlight and lookin’ at the Big Dipper and all dem other stars out there in the whole universe. And me and my horsie, uh, what’s my horsie’s name? Trigger, we was just uh, Trigger was over there shakin’ his tail feather, getting’ them flies off of the back of his bum and uh, me and Jeffro we were thinkin’ what it would be like to write a song about y’know, out on the range with the buffalo and herd ‘em up, them cows there and movin’ ‘em to the other side of the…Texas. And what a hard job it is, bein’ a cowpoke. But there ain’t nuffin’ like-a bein’ a cowpoke out on the range. With the blackeyed peas and the sheepskin chaps and all them lovely things that cowboys have to deal with. And y’know there ain’t too many women around when you’re out on the range and you know, one thing leads to another and next thing you know, Jeffro is cowpokin’ ya from behind and all you can do is kind of grin and bear it and say, “Oh, look up there, there’s the Big Dipper. God damn Jeffro, what are you doin’ boy?! GET OFF MY BACK!

And the next thing you know, there’s a little Jeffro. He come out of the back, too. Nine months later. It’s amazing technology nowadays on the range. But I cut him off at the pass and I stopped that. That ain’t happenin’ no more. (harmonica solo)

I think it’s time to play some reggae. I ain’t played a lot of reggae in a lot of time and I – my cows like listenin’ to reggae. It’s somethin’ about the beat and all that punky stuff that goes along inside the reggae rhythms and my cows seem to move along just like I want ‘em to move along from one side of Texas to the other side. So every now and again I play reggae to my cows. The seem to get a kick out of it. Especially with their hooves and their chitlins and all that kind of stuff and blackeye peas and baked beans…what else do cows eat? Oh they eat grass. I forgot. Smoke it sometimes as well. But they particularly like eating that grass cos I like that cow milk. There ain’t nuffin’ like it. Let’s play a song, Mr. Shovel.

Steppin' up? Git along you old dogies.

Joint Tina is and Chris was production.

Hot Tub...ToO HOt - April 10, 2006

Some people bite their tongues I bite my fingers. Enough. Fresh from about 45 minutes of Craig Fergusson and a trip to an ostritch farm last night's re-run I mean. Well no sooner did I crow and rave about the hot tub possibility from yesterday's post, then Tina was on the case. Tina is like that.

So if you want to pull and really get 'em to come back to your place never mind lines of coke, soft music, etchings, Jamie Reid flags, 2 controllers on a playstation. Take Steve's advice and just say you got some 3 inch stilletos and a subscription to the history channel and then hit that crumpet in the eyeballs by pickin' up on Mr. Shovel and give 'em some of the old razzle dazzle 'em hot tub baby this evening, hot tub baby tonight - apologies to Donna Summer. Actually apologies to everybody. Ah yes when we brave Brits stood alone against the might of the Luftwaffe. Well that's what I would watch on the History Channel back to back. Squadron scramble! Cue the dogfights over Southern England. I'm bailing out now Ginger......

Tina here. All right. Here's something to tide you over. This one features a goodly amount of input from Mr. Shovel, always a treat.

Tina IS at the controls.

Steve starts out the show playing an instrumental number on his guitar and harmonica.

Steve: That was a song I wrote.

Mr. Shovel: Is that your new opening theme?

Steve: It’s called “Thin Air”. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. It’s a…

Ooh mao mao ma ma ooh mao mao
Ooma mao mao ma pa ooh mao mao
Ooma mao mao ba ba ooh mao mao
Ooma mao mao pa pa ooh mao mao

(he gleefully sings variations on this theme, then comes to a stop)

Steve: Ooh, it’s starting to stink, this mouth organ. How do you clean it?

Mr. Shovel: Soak it in water.

Steve: Is that what you do? Just put it in water?

Mr. Shovel: Or whiskey.

Steve: No, I can’t do that. Maybe I’ll soak it in methadone or something. Oh, it stinks…cos I just take it off, I blow it here, all my germs and then I put it in the drawer and I get it out and I just realized that it’s starting to uh…smell a bit fffungus-y. Eeegh. Do we have any wipers here to clean it? Any interns, any lower eschelons who can clean my equipment?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, but who’s gonna take care of the harmonica?

Steve: (strumming his guitar as he goes along) Oohh yer good. Yer on fire. It’s cold today. Did you notice that it was cold? Yesss. I had problems this morning. I had plumber problems. I’ve had nothing to eat, no coffee, nothing. Ohh…can I get it through the two hours? There must be a wiper here, someone.

Mr. Shovel: You had a problem with your plumbing, so you couldn’t eat?

Steve: Well, I couldn’t get out the house cos the didn’t get there ‘til like, uh…what is it, like nine thirty, ten? And they were there like, an hour and a half so I left at eleven thirty to get here, which I flew along there and I had a load of twigs. Cos my house is on a concrete slab so, you know, twigs find you know, roots get in, they find a way. It’s amazing, they find a way into metal pipes. It’s the power of nature. So they come and clean them out cos it was blocked up and a couple of other things that he did. It’s all good now, two hundred dollars later.

Mr. Shovel: You got off cheap.

Steve: Yeah. My pool pump broke last week. I’ve got to get a new pump…and they convinced me to get a bigger filter and uh, I was actually thinking of getting a heater with it, too cos I’ve never had a heater there cos I just wait until the Summer and then the sun kind of heats it up but maybe you’d get more crumpet over there if you had the pool hot in the…

Mr. Shovel: I’ve got two words for ya. “Hot tub”.

Steve: Hot tub…

Mr. Shovel: Hot tub.

Steve: They’re such a pain, though. I had one before. They are a pain in the...booty. They take a lot of maintenance. There’s always like, bugs flying themselves around near ‘em. All the equipment is…they’re always damp and it ain’t worth it. Cos the amount of time that you use it, once a week, once a month…

Mr. Shovel: If your concern is trying to get more crumpet up there…

Steve: Well, swimming pool’s better.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know about that.

Steve: It just kind of does itself and they come up once a week.

Mr. Shovel: Hot tub is the magic word.

Steve: Really?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm…

Steve: It’s like saying, uh…”cocaine”.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: That one used to work a lot. “I have some blow back at my house. Would you like it?” But now I say, “I have the History Channel on. Would you like to see it?” That one don’t work as much anymore. Or…”I just got a new boxed set of David Bowie. Would you like to come back and listen to it?” Oh, what other ones is there that you can use now? “I have these high heels. Would you like to come back and model them for a couple of hundred dollars?” You know, something like that.

(he takes this opportunity to launch back into the oooh mao mao thing again)

I’ve got the History Channel on
Do you want to come and see
Got the History Channel on
Do you want to come and see…

(he stops singing) Oh, I dropped me bloody pick. Oh, let’s play a song. Oh, I’ve got to take this off, man, it stinks. Let’s play some kind of bluesy stuff. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

_________

Sometime later, after playing some records, Steve is back at it with some music of his own, so romantic.

(Roadhouse blues style)

Oh can’t you see me sitting here baby
In my water of bubbles
I’m out at the club
Looking for some love
I can’t find no action here

What is wrong
Tell me what is wrong
I gotta get me a card that says
HOT TUB on it now

What's the magic word
Is it cocaine
Is it fancy car

No it’s HOT TUB
That is the magic word
You’ve gotta see Mr. Shovel
He knows what the magic word is

I’m gonna go down to The Viper
On a Monday night
I’m looking for some love
I ain’t looking for a fight
I want a hot tub
There’s got to be some bitches
For the hot tub

But I can’t do it
Cos I don’t have the hot tub in there yet
But I can fill up my baff
And have a laugh
Let some gas out of my ass
In the hot tub
That’s what I’m talking about baby
Just wear a little ole gas mask
And it’s be just like the real thing

Hot tub hot love
Hot tub lovin hot tub
Wish washy wahshy washy
Cmon baby
Show me where the hot tub love
Is all about

Joint Tina and Chriswasanon production.

A bit with Richard Butler from April 6, 2006

Welcome backski to chriswasanon - fresh from frenzied posting over at Jack's shack. So Stevie babes aside from having one of his guitars up for sale on eBay has got a bit of geomancy going on. As is often the case with eBay here, today, gone tomorrow. Scrub that ooooh I found it. Off white Les Paul Gibson. Bookmark watch this item and do it often I suppose. Enough eBay. I saw this advert for Australian lager on Brit telly, you may've seen it. This geezer gets one of these feng shui consultants in and there follows a 15 second blur of stuff being put in and stuff being put out. Mirrors, chairs, large stones, interesting window frames. Until the customer's pad is completely empty. Empty save of 3 items:

A bog.
a fridge stuffed full of Amber nectar BEER cobber
and a telly tuned to a sports channel.

Interior design then. Well is it pronounced FUNG SHWAY or FENG SHOOEY and does our Steve, your Steve everybody's Steve have a relationship area set aside where 2 beings can harmonise and eat brown rice from four chopsticks within the sight of an Eastern waterfall? I do make this up as I go along you know and you CAN tell can't you? Without further worry of whether we need more sand or water or a way to unblock the natural dragon lines energy bottleneck on the meridian point of the astral doorstep...let us set forth. Richard Butler was in da house...and the following convo was extractified.

Tina here. Here's a little something from last week.

Wot, was you awaiting the hot tub bit instead? Oy, please don't make me...

3555 Chriswasanon says: Hold up a minute Tina. Hot tub?, ooh yes we want the hot tub. More salacious, vulgar and downright low, never mind the furniture department or psychopathic male heir obssessed Tudor kings. Ok. carri-on."

....Meanwhile, we join this discussion in progress as Steve brings up feng shui.

Tina IS at the controls.

Steve: I’m a Virgo, you know. Supposedly, they’re tidy.

Richard: (laughing) Oh, you believe all that stuff, do you? You’ve been in L.A. too long, mate.

Steve: (L.A. accent, a la “The Dude” Lebowski) Hey, man…c’mon, man. (back to normal) But, the point is, I think there is some truth in it. The Chinese have been doing it for…God knows, two thousand years. That’s a long time. Henry the Eighth was only five hundred years ago. So, two thousand years ago and…

Richard: Two thousand years of feng shui. Where’s it gone, really? (laughs)

Steve: Actually, actually China are doing better than anywhere. They’re the ones holding the bleedin’ keys, mate. You wait and see. You wait and see, mate. It’s the feng shui. (Richard is belly-laughing) I’m getting on their side now. But it’s true. Before that, all it was, was like, paint this wall red, and this one gold and put a little fountain there and blahblahblah. Not a lot, you know, just little stuff. This bird from Hawaii came over and said, “This is what you need to do.” And it didn’t cost much to do it. And then, um, about three weeks later, I started doing this radio show. My health started getting better. Before that, I was just losing money, left and right. It was the weirdest thing…

Richard: And you got a little fountain.

Steve: I got a fountain, put it in the right place. When the bird walked in there, she said, “ the pool’s on the wrong side of the house.” I said, “well that ain’t gonna change.” But what you do is, is you put these mirrors up so your reflection of the mirrors make it look like the pool is over here. It’s all weird stuff.

Richard: Move your bedroom to the other end of the house.

Steve: No, the bedroom was fine, she said, “just don’t sleep in it.” (both laugh) So you don’t believe in anything like that? Any stuff like that?

Richard: I’m pretty skeptical about all that…

Steve: About anything that you don’t…you can’t see?

Richard: Pretty much, yeah. Yeah. I tend to be like that. My dad was like that, it’s sort of ground into me. He was like, this communist atheist sort of character.

Steve: Was he?

Richard: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: In, in Surrey.

Richard: Back in Surrey, yeah. (laughs)

Steve: Hmmm. Yeah but my, my parents were the same but I think, I don’t know. I’m always like, to search for something else. I’ll give everything a shot, anyway.

Richard: Are you religious?

Steve: No.

Richard: So you haven’t gone Buddhist along with the feng shui.

Steve: No, no. I don’t like Buddhists. I hate them. Horrible sods. (both laugh) No, actually, if there was any religion, I think I’d go with the ol’ Buddhism. At least they’re peaceful. You know, there’s no agenda there, like most other religions. It seems like that, anyway. You know. So you are an atheist communist?

Richard: (laughing) Atheist communist? No, no. Politically, I don’t know where the hell I am but I’m…yeah, I’m an atheist.

Steve: C of E? C of E.

Richard: No, atheist.

Steve: Church of England atheist. (sings) I’m Henry the Eighth I am. I was just talking about him the other day, Henry the Eighth. That whole thing, cos everyone was Catholic in England at the time, right? And because he wanted to get his end away with another bird, he changed the religion to C of E. Did you know that?

Richard: No, I didn’t.

Steve: Yeah, that’s how that all started. Very interesting.

Richard: He’s got a lot to answer for, really.

Steve: He was a swine.

A little Humpty Dumpty Ditty - April 7

Welcome back to Chriswasanon here and on this rather cloudy Sunday afternoon in bookland. I am since those LAWS bereft of a seedy boozer where free people may swear and smoke. We went to this child infested pub and ate crisps. RIP. The old fashioned pub. Hello shiny new twats who you never saw in pubs in the old days and didn't want to. What is happening to society etc...Enough of pro smoking.

Yesterday meself was having a right good fossick through the most wonderful of used bookstores over at Gatehouse of Fleet, up the top of ane converted mill. What striketh me 'bout this shop is proprietor. One of dying breed of old fashioned booksellers. Piles and piles of quality reasonably priced second-hand books, piles blocked the shelves where some of the books were laid in double rows. Annoying for the customer but what a joy to search through. All the stuff piled to knee height on the floor. Here's a cue....knees. Tina has a new slant on that old nursery rhyme classic for you, eggs over Steve Jones style, about his knee and and the beautiful game of football as Herr Humpitude Dumptitude may well have played it. Now without any more blathering blither - yes stop CwA - I hand you over to the TrAnScrIber!

Tina is at the controls:


Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox…yes… on Indie 1031. Just in case you forgot. Um, I feel very uncomfortable right now. My knee is killing me. I don’t think I’ve got any cartilage left in one of them. This really hurts. I’ve got to play football tonight, too. I don’t 'got to', I want to. I don’t know what to do. I hope I don’t need that microscopic surgery. Oh, it hurts. My back’s all…my back ribs feel like they’re bruised.

Mr. Shovel: Sounds like you’ve become a goalie.

Steve: You know what it is? It’s too much weight on the top, going on my legs. My legs are skinny and my top half is too heavy, like Humpty Dumpty. That’s what I’m like. Oh, it’s a drag. Got Frank Infante coming in later on. He was the guitar player from Blondie and that’ll be fun. He’s bringing his guitar. What else? Nothing.

Mr. Shovel: I see you have some good music lined up.

Steve: Yep, I’m glad it’s Friday. Don’t forget, tomorrow, twelve to two, “Best Of” the week. Best Of The Box from this week, which I would imagine will be, as it stands right now, I would say Andrew WK and Van Hunt were probably the best of the week so far. For me, anyway. (begins to strum guitar) But you never know what today might bring. Maybe Frankie’s horse will come in second, maybe first. So far it’s Van Hunt’s horse and Andrew WK have crossed the final furlough on the steeple chase of The Box. (continues to play guitar) Um, there’s got to be a song in there, Shovel. So knackered, I am so knackered. So happy it’s Friday.

Mr. Shovel: I’m guessing it’s about the weight on your cartilage.

Steve: No, I don’t think there is any cartilage in there. I think I’ve just worn it out. You know like, washers and shock absorbers when they get worn out? That’s what I think’s happened. I don’t know what you can do, other than uh, do that microscopic surgery or whatever they do. They clean it out or something. But it’s…I don’t know. Who knows. Maybe I just need to rest, not play for a few weeks. Maybe that’s the answer. Ohhh, there’s got to be a song in there somewhere, isn’t there, Mr. Shhhhhovelle Couture? Any ideas?

Mr. Shovel: Humpty Dumpty.

Steve: (sings)

Humpty Dumpty he can’t play football anymore
His back is weak and his knees are sore
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall
And now he’s no use to anyone anymore

Poor old Humpty Dumpty what are we gonna do
Poor old Humpty Dumpty they’ll make some stew
Humpty Dumpty I want some Humpty Dumpty Stew
Humpty Dumpty you’ve got a big bumpty
on his you-know-who

Humpty Dumpty is he an egg?

Steve: (asks Mr. Shovel) Is he an egg, Humpty Dumpty?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

(Steve plays his harmonica)

Humpty Dumpty
how do you like him
Hard-boiled or poached
Sunny side up or over easy
Humpty over easy
Maybe scrambled

I like him hard hard-boiled
cos you won’t get foiled
When old Humpty
Humpty Dumpty’s got the hump
Humpty Dumpty he’s got the hump

I don’t know why
He’s got nothing to complain about
He just sits on a bleedin’ wall all day
He’s got egg on his face

Oh yes, I’ll have a dozen of them please
The ones without the pesticides and hormones
Yes, the organic ones
The chicken-fed ones yes yes

Humpty Dumpty took a dumpty in his humpty
He’s a silly sausage
People like a sausage lying next to him
with some bacon
and maybe
a fried slice…

Intermission...

Welcome back to chriswasanon - someone still thinks that we defy and posted as much over at Jack's shack...I told 'er I said well blah blah blah I said and er I'll leave it at that!

Gossip news:

None cos to gossip is to validate.

Please make sure that you have Steve Jones in your top 8 - if you have a top 8 - as to not leaves you open wiiiiiiiiiiiide open to having your profile scrutinised.

After scrutiny comes judgement. Not to have Steve Jones in your top 8 is mutiny and the plank awaiteth. He will delete you from his friends.

Other news, we are planning on knocking out some more transcriptions Mclaren, Cook and Scabies convos with Steve Jones on Indie 103.1 will get the teasing Teresa treatment here and be winged in a full format over to www.cookandjones.co.uk. Karl's excellent Anarchy in Sweden site gave us a big up too. Thanks Karl!!!! Check my links for Svenska punk rock!

Keep coming back.

Chriswasanon

Steppin' up well I like this Timothy Leary song Flora, what do you think?

Agreed Flora.

______________
Humpty Dumpty is on deck...

floratina

April 4, 2006 A bit with Stewart Copeland - and Steve's Luxurious Hair!

Tina here. I transcribed a slice of this interaction and can't help but insert a bit of a kvetch!

It was difficult to for me to listen to Mr. Copeland when it came to his impressions about The Pistols. He asked Steve whose idea it was to adopt the angry stance, the look, etc. These kinds of questions you'd expect from someone who is removed from the scene, like Paul Anka maybe, but not from someone like Stewart Copeland, who was "there" at the time. He was still apparently under the impression that The Pistols were engineered like The Monkees or something. For example, Steve had to tell him that John was already ‘like that’, with the hair and safety pins, etc., and this was a surprise to Copeland! It was all organic, Stew. What was this guy doing back then and since, that these basic facts about the group and how it began have eluded him?
Okay, climbing down from the crate now...

Hey, I just heard a radio commercial for Virgin Atlantic featuring Mr. Jones. It wasn't on a rock station or even a music station at all - it was conservative talk radio! I was confused by this momentarily, lost my bearings. What? Where am I? Oh yes, it was good, by the way.

We pick up the interview as Stewart is summing up the punk scene as he saw it….

Stewart: …it was still the same E, A and D chords but the hairdo was different and the attitude was different. And these youngsters kind of kicked down the door of the music industry which was locked at the time. Even for old wavers like myself. It was locked. Uh, until the rules all changed and a new scene rose up where bands could work for themselves and for thirty quid actually take home…fifty, instead of the record company getting it. So, with that start, of course in England, we were slagged off immediately, we were spotted as carpetbaggers and interlopers um, flying under a flag of convenience. But, in America, they didn’t care about all that.

Steve: Right.

Stewart: We just took it, club by club, city by city.

Steve: Did you, did you feel like that, that you were getting on some bandwagon?

Stewart: Oh, yeah. It was completely Machiavellian at first. (Steve laughs) I mean, it was a good band, I mean, I was twenty-two and everyone else in the punk scene was seventeen. How old are you guys? How old were the Sex Pistols in 1976?

Steve: I’m fifty now.

Stewart: Fifty now. I’m four years older than you and so you must have been eighteen.

Steve: Eighteen, nineteen, yeah.

Stewart: Let me ask you. Did you ever have long hair?

Steve: Uh, not…

Stewart: Ever? You do now…

Steve: Uh, yeah, later. No, later I did, in the Eighties I had really long hair.

Stewart: No, but before the Pistols, did you have…were you ever like, you know, into uh…

Steve: I actually had a period when I was about fifteen, sixteen where I did everything. I was a skinhead, mod, grease, I did it all.

Stewart: Yeah. So at some point, the barnet came off.

Steve: Oh, yeah.

Stewart: And was that like, an image decision or, “that’ll be, hey, guys – cool idea. Let’s look different from the hippies and cut our hair off.” Was that like a decision, or it just happened one day.

Steve: No, no, no. Yeah, I don’t, see, I don’t have a punk hairdo. I don’t have punk hair. I had the thickest hair. I looked like, my hair’s like John Travolta.

Stewart: Yeah.

Steve: It’s all poncified.

Stewart: Well, you looked kind of…yeah, you’ve got that same kind of slick kind of deal going now. You’ve grown into it.

Steve: (laughs) No, it’s…it’s thinned out now. It’s thinned out but it used to be really thick. If you look at any early Pistol pictures, I look like a hairdresser.

Stewart: What, you’d need like a haircut every three days to keep you punk.

Steve: I wish I’d have had the product that they have, back then. Now, back then.

Stewart: What was that?

Steve: Well, they got all this new gear. You can straighten it , you can do anything. Back then, you just you know, either you had thin hair and it looked good when you cut it short and spiky, or you was unsuccessful like me, who just had this thick barnet.

Stewart: Yeah, yeah, but you were a Pistol, so you’re all right.

Steve: I’ve still got it, that’s all I care about. Them ones who put Brylcreem in their hair, they’re bald now.

Stewart: Well, after you guys opened the door, actually blew it away, the first ones through it were bands like The Police.

Steve: Right.

Stewart: Because we actually had the tunes and we could actually play. (Steve laughs) But you and Paul, actually were pretty serious players. You had kind of a joke bass player, he was kind of a image and stuff, and Johnny…well, he was Johnny. He definitely reinvented how you sing a song.

Steve: Well actually Glen Matlock, the bass player, before…

Stewart: He was actually a real musician.

Steve: He could play, yeah.

Stewart: Yeah.

Steve: I’d only been playing three months before we did our first gig…

Stewart: Well, like a lot of the bands, like the Clash guys. I remember Paul Simonon was of your roadies, I think and thought to himself, looking at you up there, that “That looks easy”. It’s him and Strummer and the rest of them, they were all kind of like, new at it.

Steve: Strummer had been playing. He had, he had a R&B kind of rockabilly band, called, uh…

Mr. Shovel: (in background) The 101ers.

Steve: The 101ers and they had a song called, “Keys To Your Heart” and we opened for them at The Nashville. The next time I see him, he’s singing…

Stewart: You opened for The Clash? Oh, the 101ers.

Steve: The 101ers. This was when the pub thing was going on.

Stewart: Well, you guys hardly played any shows…

Steve: No.

Stewart: I mean, you didn’t have to.

Steve: Well, at first, we did a few.

Stewart: There was all the buzz about you know, “Have you seen The Sex Pistols”? “Well, no, actually…”

Steve: It was after, it was after…

Stewart: The ten people who had, which multiplies by like a hundred who claim they had.

Steve: It was after the Grundy thing is when we didn’t didn’t play. But we did, we did quite…about fifty shows before that.

Stewart: Really? That’s much more than I thought.

Steve: Yeah. (burp).

Stewart: The band that nobody actually…cos all the people who jumped in never actually saw The Pistols. We saw The Clash, we saw The Damned and The Stranglers and all the others. But The Pistols remained legendary.

Steve: Yes.

April 3, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, with Andrew WK in the studio.

Andrew: Hi. So, Jonesy, I wanted to ask you. First, I want to say hello to you, not only as myself, Andrew, but on behalf of two friends of mine who are quite a bit older than me, on eof them is going to have his fiftieth birthday coming up in a week or so. His name is Tom Smith and he and his friend, another friend of mine, Don Fleming, who are both, again, in their…close to fifty. They saw the Sex Pistols and you play in Atlanta on that first tour and thinking about that, to me, that was before I was even born so it’s…it’s hard to me imagine. But what I really was curious um, to ask you was, was does that time, does that show, does that part of your life seem like a very long time ago? Does it…is it something you think about every day? Do you feel like it’s colored your experience to this day, as a person? Not just the show, but that time in general?

Steve: Yeah. Well, it seems like ages ago. It really does, I mean it was thirty years ago and it seems like thirty years ago. But more than anything else, it wasn’t great memories back then. Coming from England and that was the first time we came to America, like for me, America was so different than England. You know, it was, it was so bizarre. I thought it would be kind of similar, cos you can kind of speak the same language and everything. But it was so different, you know, with the big roads and….

Andrew: Was it the entire sensation of being in this place that was different? Was it the people? The way it looked? The way it felt? The way it smelled? Was it all these things or was it anything in particular?

Steve: Well, I always remember as a child, watching a lot of American shows. You know, “CHiPs” was one of my favorites. And I thought, “Wow. I’d love to go there. That looks fun!” All these birds on rollerskates at the beach and guys and cops who are like, with muscles and…you know, it weren’t like that in, in England. You know what I mean? And it just seemed like a different place, America, in all the TV shows I used to watch, like “The Fugitive” and, um, you know, everything on TV. There was always American shows and it was always like, intriguing and you think like, “America. Wow. It’s all big, everything’s big there.” And it was…and uh, but, but it was, as far as rock and roll goes, I mean, we would still be walking around in London, even though we were huge at the time. We didn’t have roadies. We had barely one roadie. I used to tune me own guitar and whatnot, you know. And then all of a sudden, we come to America and you’ve got all these guys wanting to do things, like…and Warner Brothers were, were um, because we got rejected the first time, with our visas, for whatever reason, cos all the hype, or whatever.

Andrew: They didn’t want you coming in the country cos you were dangerous, they thought.

Steve: Right. That’s what they thought, the press, whatever. So Warner Brothers had to uh, ensure the government that there would be no problem. So they hired all these guys, making sure there’s no trouble. So you had weird guys with walkie talkies. We had Vietnam vets who were like bouncers and it was bizarre. The whole thing was bizarre and it didn’t make sense to me, coming from little horse-and-cart land, you know what I mean? It was all kind of strange. But when you…the reason what I tapped on when you said, “Did it seem weird like, thirty years ago?” I mean, how long ago, how many years was Henry The Eighth? Five hundred years ago?

Andrew: Something. Five hundred and two.

Steve: That’s like, not long ago, is it? But it seems like it’s thousands of years ago.

Andrew: Sure.

Steve: You know what I mean?

Andrew: Yeah, well…that’s what I’m curious about is our perception of time. How long…why does five minutes seem like five minutes versus five hours? Or those times when you can make five minutes seem like five hours, or someone says, “Oh, the last fifteen minutes went on forever!” Or “Wow, those last two hours just flew by.”…

Steve: Well, I know one thing, the older you get, time flies quicker.

Andrew: It does go faster.

Steve: Yeah. Without a doubt.

Andrew: That’s what I hear more. Do you have any idea how we could make it feel like it was going slower?

Steve: I don’t want it to go slower.

Andrew: Oh yeah? You want to hurry up and go out?

Steve: Well, I don’t want to go out, but I like it when…cos when I was a kid, fifteen…I’d be walking around the streets of London looking at cars to break in, to steal things and, and shops to steal stuff out of, the day seemed it went on and on forever and I think what you’re talking about is, if you’re happy, I think time goes quicker. I’m a lot happier in my own skin now.

Andrew: It must be because, perhaps we spend less time thinking about what’s to come and less time concerned about what’s already happened…

Steve: Or what I’m gonna get out of the deal.

Andrew: And you’re just, you’re just in the midst of it, right? You’re caught in-between and that’s the state of much more happiness.

Steve: Yeah. It’s all about what’s going on in your head, innit? You can wake up and your outlook, what you see all depends on how you wake up, you know. Wake up in a good mood, things, you know, your whole outlook is good.

Andrew: We have that power. It’s hard to hone it. We wanted to talk about spirits.

Steve: Yes.

Andrew: You want to talk about that, still?

Steve: One more thing before we go to spirits. The trouble, I think with a lot of people, and I guess I am judging in way or, or…not preaching but, a lot of people get a distorted view of what’s going to make them happy. They think like, winning the lottery and having a hundred million dollars, or being better looking by having plastic surgery or getting the right TV show is gonna make them happy. That is a, that is a distorted view. That is not correct. That is completely not correct. And really, it sounds lame, but the only way you really are happy is if your healthy and you’re in touch with yourself.

Andrew: I agree.

Steve: Inside.

Andrew: Turning inward. Turning inward.

Steve: Yeah, exactly. Anything else on the outside is complete hogwash.
__________________

Andrew: Did you have times when you were younger when you felt the way you were describing before, that having a certain…that there was something you were looking forward to that was going to be the answer, that all happiness was going to come from this achievement…

Steve: Yeah, of course. Being famous, successful and have women you know, dropping at your beckon and call on their knees, you know? That was going to fix everything and it actually made things worse. Cos that didn’t work and that’s why, I think, another theory I have, is that bums don’t kill themselves. Rich people kill themselves, more than bums, you know? Because they get what they want and they’re so miserable and they don’t see anything else that’s gonna make them happy cos they, in their minds think they have everything. You know, and then they, they think the only way out is to shoot themselves or whatever, you know?

Chrissie Hynde 22.3.06 One last time...

Welcome back to chriswasanon. Oh man, I know I shouldn't be doing this but the world is just about chocka full of nots and sometimes I just can't help myself. So we got the new best of Saturday shows at 12 bells a-coming but not for me - other stuff to do today er tonight. The Chrissie Hynde full interview which ran to some 40 pages is complete (joint Floratina and Chriswasanon production) and because I'm feeling in a celebratory kind of mood - I thought that I would lay one last piece out for your enjoyment. The next time you see this interview will be in a complete form over at www.cookandjones.co.uk. So you know how to tease me with a just a little glimpse of the top of my...when I raise my...and you... that's enuff woooo hooo...

This interview was broadcast on Indie 103.1 in the LA and OC area and simultaneously over the Internet on 22.3.06. Present were Chrissie Hynde, Rosanna Arquette and our own Stephen (milking it) Jones!

Chriswasanon is at the controls.

Chrissie: But what I do want to discuss right here…

Steve: Yeah.

Chrissie: …is this photograph of you which has brought to my attention of what you looked like twenty five years ago.

Steve: Gorgeous.

Chrissie: To my credit…

Steve: That’s when we ‘ad sex.

Chrissie:…friends.

Steve: Is that what you wanna say?

Chrissie: I just…

Steve: You ‘ad me when I was better lookin’.

Chrissie: Alright, you said it, I didn’t say it.

Steve: I don’t care. (pause) I’m not that bad! I mean I…

Rosanna: (surprised) You mean you guys did it? You guys slept together? (laughs).

Steve: I told yer that last time you was ‘ere.

Rosanna: I know I’m teasing, I know.

Steve: I’m sure she told you everything.

Chrissie: I don’t think we ever slept together.

Steve: Did you tell her…

Rosanna: You said you, “slept together,” like in the same bed but nothing happened.

Steve: “I might like you better if we slept together.” (Reference to a song currently getting a lot of air-play on Indie 103.1 at the moment). “I might like you better if we slept together.”

Chrissie: I thing we’re getting a little, away from the musical agenda of the programme here.

Rosanna: Right…

Steve: Do you remember that song though?

Rosanna: …but people love that.

Steve: That was a song I was just singing there.

Rosanna: Yes.

Steve: Who sung that, “Concrete?” (Asks Mr. Shovel if he can tell Steve the band’s name) new…?

Mr. Shovel: “Romeo void.”

Steve: “Romeo void,” excellent.

Chriswasanon production. Steppin' up - who can saaaaaaay ayyy ayyyy.

Chrissie Hynde Part 2. 22.3.06

Well I'm back in the hot seat for a whiles and while I'm busy reading about Chumbawumba, the Not Sensibles and just about anything else I can lay my hands on whilst my brain still functions, I thought I might trowel out a bitty more of the Chrissie Hynde interview which Tina has transcribed for you. A picture post too? Ah Success! Might I just add in here that the whole interview when transcribed will be available along with the whole Lydon interview at Kick down the doors? Thanks! (and the Swindle parts of the Julien Temple interview, too - Tina)

Present. Steve Jones, Chrissie Hynde and Rosanna Arquette.
Broadcast 22.3.06 on Indie 103.1 over parts of the LA and OC. area and then streamed over the Internet.

Tina is at the controls...

Chrissie Hynde Visits The Box March 22, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. I’m just an Englishman, milking it. And we’ve got Chrissie Hynde in the studio, ex-lover of mine (Chrissie laughs) and Rosanna Arquette, the sex therapist.

Chrissie: Bloody hell…if I’d known before I came in…you dirty…

Steve: You dirty rotter. What a bleedin’ rotter.

Chrissie: You haven’t changed much…physically.

Rosanna: No, actually he’s changed a lot though, wouldn’t you say?

Steve: Yeah. A lot.

Rosanna: Yeah…he doesn’t do that sex, drugs and rock and roll, well, the sex stuff, sorry. The drugs and rock and roll…

Steve: The sex thing is out of habit, more than anything, I talk about sex…I really don’t sleep around a lot at all anymore.

Rosanna: You just stay home and watch movies.

Steve: Watch things…(both laugh)

Rosanna: Look at Chrissie’s face.

Steve: Do you have brothers and sisters? I know nothing…

Chrissie: I have a brother.

Steve: …nothing about your background.

Chrissie: You don’t need to know.

Rosanna: He was a musician, though.

Chrissie: He is a musician.

Steve: Your parents still alive?

Chrissie: Yes, they are. They live in Ohio.

Steve: Yeah. You talk to them?

Chrissie: Yeah, I talk to them. I’ve rented an apartment in Akron so I can go and visit more often.

Steve: Really?

Chrissie: Yeah. I still have my roots. You know, I went from Akron to London. I never lived anywhere else in the States.

Steve: Yeah.

Chrissie: So I go back there and, you know, I have my Akron shtick, my friends there and stuff.

Steve: What, what made you get out of there? Is it just an industrial, horrible place?

Chrissie: Nah. I just didn’t want to be in the States. I could see this whole car culture coming in, I didn’t want to have to buy a car so I could get to work so I could pay for my car and get stuck into that whole malaise of…it’s just become one big sprawling metroplex. And of course I grew up on all that English music. I was dying to get over there and you know, see the bad teeth up close.

Steve: Did you, did you want to be in a band back then?

Chrissie: Of course. Always.

Steve: When you were young.

Chrissie: Yeah. I started playing the guitar when I was real young and stuff, listening to all the bands but, being a girl, I was, I never played with the guys in the art room and stuff. I was you know, at home playing. I wouldn’t mix it. I was too shy with the guys. It was only during that sort of, punk thing.

Steve: Yeah.

Chrissie: In fact, it was down the King’s Road, I went…it was a woman…you wouldn’t have known her. She lived above the uh, Barclay’s Bank and she, her son, Quentin, he had a little band. They were all about fourteen. They, they hung around with the Heavy Metal Kids. Gary Holton used to hang around there and I went in there for some reason one day, I don’t know, buy some pot or something and um, they…I heard the little kids playing and I said, “Wow, what’s that?” and I showed them how to play “White Light, White Heat” ‘cause they only knew a couple of heavy metal…well you know, not really interesting songs. That’s when I remembered that I could play and everything. That was a big turning point for me.

Steve: Yeah.

Chrissie: Well, then when that punk thing happened, I knew I could get in there without it being too much of a novelty, being a chick. Of course, it, you know, served me well. I’ve never…it made it easier being a girl because guys would carry my guitars tune ‘em and stuff.

Steve: I never carried your guitar.

Chrissie: I’ll bet you did.

Steve: I’ll bet I didn’t. I’d carry it now, though.

Chrissie: I’ll bring it up.

Steve: Really? I’ve got a guitar here. Let’s re-enact it…

Rosanna: You can carry it tonight.

Joint Tina and Chriswasanon production. Thanks to SF. Gail for the image. Steppin' up oh...something!

Transcript from March 28, 2006

Welcome back to CwA the aLterNATive jukebox jive blog, always about Steve. Our guitar hero. Also this a blog too for the members of CwA blog to rail and rant like today when I'm gonna get out of me pram for a bit and sound off. Tell all your friends about the cWa and bookmark us, do!

This here post is I reckon pressing and pertinent cos the health freaks of the world have caught up in Bonnie Scotland and passed laws which went in on Sunday 26th April 2006 wot sayeth anent tobacco we are no longer allowed to smoke in public places. Boozers without baccy? Cos basically non-smokers now out number smokers I guess.

There are currently lots of pub ashtrays available for free if one asks, " naicely"

How long before they get whacked up on ebay, eh? My other half is loving it - I think its all rainbow nazism myself but then I would wouldn't I? Don't bother posting comments about how pleasant non smokers are or how selfish I am or how a loved one died of cancer etc and how polluting fags are and how lovely it all is in your neck of the lager since fags have been elbowed out cos I won't publish 'em! Probly...Tina can if she wishes. Slightly uncompromising mode \off.


This interview was broadcast on Indie 103.1 and in the LA. and OC. area and over the Internet on 20.3.06

Tina is at the controls.

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a very, very rainy Southern California day. Two minutes after twelve bells, it’s about sixty-something degrees Fahrenheit. That’s about, Celsius, that’s about eighteen? Fifteen? Something like that if my Celsius metabonacle is working. I think that’s what it says. Um, but I’ll tell you what’s funny, after my rain song yesterday…not my rain song, but my…anti-bulldozer song? No bulldozer this morning. You know why? ‘cause it’s raining! I laughed, I chuckled this morning, even though I was up at seven. I got a giggle out of that. See? See the powers that I have?
Is it clear now, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: It’s amazing, Steve.

Steve: See, the powers.

Mr. Shovel: It’s good to see that, for the first time ever, the rain is actually having a positive effect on you.

Steve: Yes. I actually…I found myself whistling this morning – in the rain! Not singing, whistling in the rain. Like maybe just ‘cause I didn’t get the (imitates sound of bulldozer backing up). It was great. Oh, no. (laughs) It was great, it made me laugh. See, me, spoke to the other gods and uh, they answered me. See, us gods, we do each other’s favors, you know what I mean, now and again? Like, “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your back” kind of thing.

Mr. Shovel: You ought to work on some bigger things, then.

Steve: Yeah, well you know, there’s big and small things in the world. Everyone needs attention. It’s not just the big things, you know. Take care of the little things. The big things’ll, whatever…fall into place. Yep, yep, yep. I’m there to do favors for other gods. They know my number. Did you know, Mr. Shovel, now I hope I’m not talking out my, uh, batty, but um, I heard that in Calabasas, it’s illegal to smoke out on the street. I believe. Do you just want to get on the ole internet?

Mr. Shovel: Our boss, I think, you know…there’s people who work here that live up there. We’ll find out.

Steve: I believe that’s…I might be completely nonsense, but I was with these people last week and they was telling me it’s illegal. It’s the only state in the country…

Mr. Shovel: I’m guessing it’s because of the fire risk.

Steve: Yeah, maybe, or maybe they’re using that as an excuse to test. You know, California, they’re not up to smoking. You know, they’re slowly, “can’t smoke in this bar” “You can’t smoke in this restaurant”…you can’t do this, you can’t do that. Maybe it’s uh, it’s fine with me, let me tell ya. Since I’ve (not) been smoking, I’d ban smoking, I’d make it illegal in the whole world, ‘cause it suits me, you know what I mean. I don’t care about smokers. When I was smoking, it was a different story. But uh…wouldn’t that be weird? You can’t smoke on the street in Calabasas.

Mr. Shovel: What about the sidewalk?

Steve: Well, that’s what I mean. That’s, that’s the street, innit? Parking lots, whatever.

Mr. Shovel: They had some pretty bad fires up there.

Steve: Yeah. But were they started by smokers?

Mr. Shovel: I’ll bet they were.

Steve: Or some lunatic who felt like…

Mr. Shovel: Maybe it was a lunatic who smoked?

Steve: Yeah. Maybe there’s a song in there. Would you help me write one? (strums guitar) Does that sound out-of-tune to you?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: What do you know? Oh, it is a little bit. (starts to tune it) A…A…that’s what I can’t figure out, is why the strings get tighter. You’d think they’d get looser, wouldn’t you, unless someone’s been playing my bleedin’ guitar. (finishes tuning) Is that better?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: I didn’t touch a thing, you know that? I was testing you Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: You’re lying. I saw you.

Steve: I didn’t touch a thing. See, you don’t know. Called your bluff, there. Okay. What should I write a song about? (blows into harmonica) Got any ideas?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, no smoking in Calabasas.

Steve: All right! Um, I like them chords I played yesterday. What’s that Eddie Money song, (sings) “when you hold onto me…” ? (strums the chords) That’s it, innit?

There’s no smoke without fire
There’s no lightning without wire
I, I believe
that you don’t need me

Excuse me, Mister
can you put out your cigarette
There’s a new law in Calabassass
Put out your butts on the sidewalk
because we don’t want your type here anymore

Excuse me, there’s no toilets allowed in Calabasas
We’ve banned toilets
You’ve got to go to the next state - Malibu
We have banned all kinds of plumbing

There’s a new law in Calabassass
We’ve banned eating in public places
There’s a new law in Calabassass
you can’t breathe here
we made it illegal

What are we gonna
we gonna do now
But wait, you can’t even kill yourself
‘cause that’s illegal, too

(harmonica solo)

Time takes a cigarette
You put one in your mouth
But not in Calabassass
Oh-oh

Time takes a cigarette
Not in Calabassass
You ain’t got a chance
No no

I’m bored with this…

Joint Tina and chriswasanon production steppin' up Chrissie Hynde part 2.

Steve interviews Julien Temple - Part 2

Helen Wallington Lloyd gets busy with the letter G. The title sequences of the "G" reat rock 'n' roll Swindle were superb!

Heelloo...Tina here for ChrisWas. Just feeling my way around here, don't know if I'm doing this posting thing right, we'll see, won't we? As promised earlier, here is a second snippet from Steve's interview with Julien Temple.

Wot, was you expecting yesterday's delightful number, "Mr. Bulldozer"? It was got very complicated, that. How to express in letters the sound that Steve was making to represent the sound of Mr. Bulldozer's engine? "Urrrrnnn! Urrnnn!"?? Over. and. over.

Mr. Shovel thoughtfully sampled Steve's 'sound effects' and then 'live' Steve began a duet with himself as he was pretending to be a construction tractor. Didn't think that would translate well into written form. Unless you are really hankering for it...

Sooooo, we'll pick up where we left off last time, yes? Good.

Julien Temple Part 2

Steve:…I wasn’t in too great a shape when I was doing it. I might have acted like I was together, but I was uh, that’s when I started doing that nasty drug.

Julien: I didn’t realize you’d began that early. I know…

Steve: I remember one day, we were filming. It was, I think it was up the West End somewhere. It was the shot – I’ll tell exactly…you know the shot where I’m looking through the glass at the bird on the piano?

Julien: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: We did it in some shop up West End, right.

Julien: Right. We faked it, yeah.

Steve: I remember coming there and I’d been doing dope for about a year, like, just snorting it and didn’t realize that I had a habit because I never stopped…until that day. I went to do…

Julien: (?), wasn’t it?

Steve: Yeah and uh, I started feeling like rubbish and I remember I had to, I just had to just fly home, ‘cause I was feeling horrible and I remember getting in me house and doing it and thinking, “Oh, no…”

Julien: It’s ‘got’ you.

Steve: Yeah, “I’ve got a problem here.” And that was the day I remember doing the other side of the glass, I was pulling the faces, you know?

Julien: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: And that was up the West End and then the rest…who’s that bird’s house?

Julien: Oh, um, Lindsay…

Steve: Lindsay DePaul.

Julien: DePaul, yeah.

Steve: Yeah.

Julien: That was a great line, something about Lindsay DePaul and overlooking Karl Marx’s grave and the bedroom of Lindsay DePaul. You did it…

Steve: Oh, that was…yeah.

Julien: Well yeah, the saddest moment I ever saw you is standing, must have been soon after that, must’ve been on the corner of Old Compton Street, with all these you know, freebie Virgin Records…

Steve: Trying to flog ‘em?

Julien: Trying to flog ‘em, swaying around…

Steve: Awww…sad.

Julien: That was bad.

Steve: But look at me now.

Julien: Who would’ve known.

Steve: Look at me now…wow, yeah it was a mad time. It was very uh, very weird back then. What was that, ’79 was it, or ’80?

Julien: ’78, ’79. It came out in ’80. Strangest thing about that film, in a way was nobody…you know a censor looks at a film and tells you to take things out. I think this was the only time a censor, you know, sits down and writes something that you have to put in.

Steve: Right.

Julien: At the end, we had to do that whole thing to make it like, a moral tale, “Don’t do this” because Sid ended up like this and we had all these…it’s weird being told what you gotta do by the censors.

Steve: Yeah. Would you have, would you have done it differently if McLaren wasn’t involved? Would you have done anything different, you know, different scenes or whatever…different take on it? ‘cause he, was he, he was putting his two cents in right, McLaren?

Julien: Oh yeah, he had, well…we spent about six months you know, working out the…madness of the thing and uh, he was obviously a big part of it. But he wasn’t around that much when we shot it so, you know, it was, you know, left up to my own devices there and I’d brought things in like the cartoon stuff that my mates did at film school and so on. So we were doing things and then when, when things split up with Malcolm, he tried to fire me. We brought in a thing where we had a perspective on Malcolm as well. You know, “Where did the money come from?” “Did The Swindle include Malcolm?” which it obviously did in the end, you know.

Steve: He wanted that though, right?

Julien: I think so…to an extent, but…

Steve: ‘cause it comes across like, it’s like, this is Malcolm’s idea, to make him shine. But is that not true?

Julien: Well, it was…I mean, the idea was to make him look preposterous, ‘cause you know, he liked to shine in a negative way, didn’t he?

Steve: Yeah.

Julien: You know…I think we were doing a lot of things that were, where we took things that actually happened and tried to make it seem untrue and then we took stuff that was completely made up and tried to make it seem true. I mean, to the extent that…do you remember that there was a press conference in Rio, where we had the Bormann character lined up with you.

Steve: I don’t remember.

Julien: It was Ronnie Biggs, you Steve…Paul…

Steve: Did you film it?

Julien: Yeah, we filmed it, but the Brazilians thought he was Bormann, joining the band.

Steve: Martin Bormann.

Julien: They actually bought into that. It was amazing.

Steve: You mean, he wasn’t? I thought he was, too. (both laugh)

Julien: But it was that whole thing…

Steve: He was a “B” actor, I found out later, that guy.

Julien: Yeah, he was a Hollywood nazi, basically, you know, a character nazi.

Steve: Is that what he played? He always played nazis?

Julien: Yeah, he always played nazis. He was suitably over-the-top. But uh, you know, in a, in a way, I did the film later that I wanted to make about the Sex Pistols, The Filth And The Fury to me showed where you guys come, came from and how you know, what your lives growing up, fed into the music that you made, that it wasn’t just some mad puppet meister, molding you out, Claymation-style.

Great stuff - Tina and no it was perfectly posted no formatting problems which aye bug me pure excellence. Steppin' up...hmmm???