Wednesday, July 26, 2006

From July 25 - At the Mercy of The Elements

Tina here. We have been very busy here at CWA, what with bi-continental transcripturizing and conjecturing and all. Today is a Bunker day, hopefully one of many. Mr. Shovel will be recording the musical guests all professional-style as well as taking pictures with his Helio and posting them to MySpace, yes Meester?

Did I mention, Helio? Take pictures, write messages and post them directly to your MySpace right from your Helio "device" (you'd better not call it a #@&*!! phone, you bastids).

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Four minutes after twelve bells, on a very hot, very hot, hot, hot, hot day. (tuning his guitar as he speaks here) It’s so hot, my street is on fire…and I’m here, watching it on the tv as it burns. Not my house, but it’s getting close. It’s going in the direction of my house, though. It’s making me a little nervous if I’ll have, if I can go home after the doing The Box today. And it’s so funny, coincidentally, all the songs today are about weather…fire and ice and moons and storms and rainbows and here we go – fires…(he’s in-tune). Funny, huh? The powers that I have and don’t even know it. I just hope that my gaff don’t burn down. Tomorrow’s um…we’re gonna do um, live from The Bunker…The Buzzcocks, from a secret location. We're going to be recording and The Box is going to be somewhere else, recording The Buzzcocks for two hours tomorrow. That’s Wednesday. I believe they’re playing tomorrow night at the Henry Fonda Theatre. Is that correct?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: Um, okay. Let’s get the ball rolling. See, that’s the great thing about when you can do a show live and you’re not some piped idiot who’s talking about something that happened a week ago. You can get on the ball and do things as things happen, as they should be. So, let’s play a Talking Heads song. This song is called, “Burning Down The House”.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: It’s funny, the theme today was basically, the weather. Heat, ice, rain…you know, the kind of…because we’re all in the mood for the weather right now, with what’s going on with all this madness, heat all over the country – pretty much anywhere where it’s summer, it’s record hot, record heat things. And I know it’s trendy to talk about it, but (it’s) got to make you wonder if the old global warming thing is actually happening. I don’t want to be one of them ones who…what do they call it, getting on the new, trendy bandwagon, but I also don’t want to be one of them people who are in denial about it, either. So, you know, I’ve been watching a lot of shows on the Discovery Channel, the Al Gore documentary, various other documentaries and I guess they wouldn’t be doing them…they’re doing them for a reason. You know, they’re not just doing it for something else to talk about. Unfortunately, I personally don’t see U.S. and a lot of other countries, anything about it until it’s too late because we love to scoff. Scoff everything, you know. So…and me, included. I don’t want to do much change. But unfortunately, I can’t see any other way. Unless you get governments behind it, to do something about it, which I don’t think this government is going to do anything about it. Um, the Kyoto Treaty, everyone wanting to get together and do something about that and America just kind of told them to go kiss their asses, so. You know, that’s not a good sign. Who knows? I don’t know what’s going on, I’m just putting it out there. So that was basically the theme today, about weather and that’s where I come up with the idea. So, we’re going to visit The Duke and we’ll be right back and I’ll let you know if my house if burnt down at this point. Thanks for listening.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Thank you, Mr. Fireman
by Steve Jones

I think my house is safe for now
It doesn’t look like it’s burning down
The firemen are on the ball and they’re saving houses
All around

Thank you Mr. Fireman, you do such a wonderful job
You need to get more wages and the old bill, as well
Even the ambulance and their chasers need to get paid too
And all of the teachers down on Fairfax High School
And Hollywood

They get paid peanuts, something is wrong there
I wouldn’t do it if you paid me
The price of a millionaire.

Me, I’m so lucky
I have a cushy job
I’ve gotta count my blessings

Oh please, God don’t let my house go
It’s got everything in there
All my Playstation games
And all of my porno tapes

I got an extra case of ice cream
And the fridge can’t
get another thing in it

And all my belongings
and stockings
and high heels

So thank you Mr. Fireman
You done a good job today
I’m going to drop off some money
And give it to the fire station

Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Speaking in tongues.

First edition.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Speaking in tongues or blubble..flubble lubble.

Welcome back to chriswasanon!

On Friday the 21st of July 2006 the following extraordinary 3½ mins transpired on the Jukebox.

Is the creative essence of that 3 and half minutes here in all it's disreputable glory?

It was quite a challenge but we accepted it. So you decide.

CwA IS at the controls!

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on 6 minutes after 12 o'clock on a Friday. Humid and hot again, today (sniffs) and er...blah blah blah blah blah blaaah bl. bl. bloop, bloop bloop bloop.

(Mr. Shovel is introducing reverberation or echo to make the piece more atmospheric). In linguistic International Phonetic Association terms, the sounds produced are basically "plosive bi-labials" (b and p) with rounded u vowel sounds followed by "lateral velar approximates." "Blub blub blub" .

The "Blub, blub blub" continues in an increasingly silly and impossible manner.

Sometimes the "blub" is varied to produce ( BTW I am an annoying smart erse gob shite bastid so shoot me) labial nasal consonants or " m" sounds. The sound appears to then loop back because the opening sniff is heard again. There is now the merest subtle hint of fart-cum- raspberry razz type ripple noises. In IPA speak, "alveolar taps." Or flaps. Possibly if I might hazard a guess, these can be thought best of as delicate trills. Followed by violent bi labial voiced plosives, indeterminate vowel shifts with longer alveolar taps rrrrrrrr. Right? Mr. Shovel seems to have directly sampled Steve's voice. Variable and rising slowly good to moderate with occasional squalls 1004 speed loop backs.

The sound collage is reminiscent of underwater secrets, Octopussys gardens...

The sound suddenly halts!

The first piece of intelligible English is heard:

Steve: (Soprano type accent) Dis just in, breakin' news. (A ref. to farting?)

Then we're off again. The sounds are still basically voiced plosive consonantals with alveolar z type noises and mid range utterances. Some clear sibilance is heard. Emittances - not quite Serpentine but close enough to convey snakes tied together by their...shoelaces.

Steve: (US. type accent) Dis just came in on a fax.

The bi labial plosive consonantal utterances have been replaced by near close or rounded "y" sounds, open ended long "a" vowel sounding triple decker dipthong vowel shifts (neutral into second, check your mirror) and terminal plosives.

Yap yap. We begin to hear the cackling distant laughter, Steve's, Mr. Shovel's. The level of reverb makes it impossible to determine ownership...

Steve: (US. type advert accent) May cause ulcers.

Once more into the breach we go with a similiar sounding vocal array of bi labial plosives. There are those long alveolar taps again. Sometimes in amongst this battery of sounds, Steve takes a breath, inward uptake of aspiration. The output mirrors an orchestra of digestive grumbles.

Steve: (US. type accent) Indigestion!

Precisely! The bi labial plosives are replaced with dental consonants.

Steve: (US. type accent) Don't go out, spend yer money!

Once again the sound launches into a miasmic myriad of bi labial bubbles.

Steve: (US. type accent) De're comin' ter get uz."

The tone takes on an hysterical quality. The end is near. The stress is sharp on the first few bi labial plosives.

Steve: (US type accent). We're all gonna die.

Repeat bi-labials Blah blah blah blah. A long aspirated puff with an almost immediate staccato stream of trilled lateral alveolar half voiced low density fricatives. We're into the coda now. AND I am making it up as I go along and you can tell can't you? .

That's definitely Steve's larf we can hear at the finale. Steve and Mr. Shovel surface.

Steve: Ah...Did you get all that, (Schoolmasterish) did you take all that down?

Mr. Shovel: (Joyfully) I can't wait to see the transcript of that! Ah God.

Steve: All the swear words I used as well. (Plays guitar). I'm so glad that you have arrived here. I am ze burnt! Burnt to a cinder! Let's play a bit of brum brum bl bl bl...

There is a sudden crash dive direction of bi-labial plosives with some wayward front forming laterals. All of a sudden, normality.

Steve: The band, I don't even know if it's a band but it's kind of got a good grooove. I'm in the mood for a bit of discoey stuff and then a bit of Rock 'n' Roll.

End of, "transcript"

And there you have it. I freely admit to having been at the lagers

Chriswas exclusive production for the Jukebox Jive, with kind thanks to Mr. Shovel, Floratina and the man who can! No serious criticisms from linguisticians will be accepted or published neither will any from those who are entirely familiar with the International Phonetic Association, its alphabet and its sound values.

No tongues, palates, or teeth were harmed in the making of this piece.

Monday, July 24, 2006

From July 19, A Space Ride

Welcome back to chriswasanon. Late Final edit!! (2). In a packed blog tonight the talk seems to be of Global warming, sweltering, schvitz or sweat. Wherever you are I hope that you are cool and wearing light and thin cotton clothing. Some scary death Valley zone temperatures have been recorded in California.

I am convinced that some of you will be revving yourselves up for the Buzzcocks gig on Tuesday night. On Wednesday they will be in ze bunker with Steve and that promises to be an exciting show with the range of new technological possibilities therein.

Steve has had a major overhaul of his image. No longer the Pontiff of myspace. We will miss his guidance, vestments, "ointments." and blessings. But feel sure that it will not be too long before something else comes along. (This just in: False alarm! He's baaack... T)

The myspace profile pic. Nevermind the bollocks it's Nevermind the bollocks Still boxed! Milk and two sugars. Speaking of mashed potato - which Commander Jones will in this post - here is something (real audio player required) from a v. popular and very funny Brit tv. advertising campaign, Smash!

In actual factomundo" Cadbury's Smash" T.M. packet mashed potato is still manufactured and is very popular with ex-pats. My mum used to make it with fried eggs. Mmmm (not).

That's it.

On Friday the 21st of July an extraordinary 3 and half minutes transpired on the Jukebox. This has become known as "speaking in tongues," or "flubble" or "Bill and Ben." Not now but later and assuredly, "still to come."

Today Tina has the recent space journey. Commander Jones is at the controls, Lieutenant Shovel is at mission control and...

Floratina is the one who can.


(In the background, the theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey" fades in)

Steve: Good evening. Good morning if you are calling from interplanetary planets. (the music builds, then quiets down) Greetings, humanoids. The Pontiff is in the building, just touched down. (he is silent as the theme explodes in its famous ultimate crescendo. There is silence for a few moments. That is replaced by what sounds like Gregorian chanting. Make that galactic Gregorian chanting. It continues as Steve speaks) Yes. This is a day of planetary connections. We will be playing songs from rockets, moonbeams, stardust…nebulas and coctabulators from the Universe, as we know it. You are on Jonesy’s Spaceship 4000. We are traveling at light speed. I hope you enjoy two hours of majestic, interplanetary hogwash. (The galactic choir sounds like a swarm of ghosts or something here) That’s two hours of “normal” time. To me it’s eight hours, because I am eight hours ahead of you, looking back at you. You do understand, don’t you? Let’s get the ball rolling, Mr. Shovel.

(First song of the set begins) “FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE (sound of a rocket blasting off) Thunderbirds are GO!”

~~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(Commander Jones is back after the first set of songs; the swarming spacemonks again provide musical atmosphere in the background)

Steve: (sounds as if he’s in a vacuum) Yes. It is quite satisfactory, this nebula. Hmmmm. I do wish I had some packets of mashed potato, powder form. I am getting quite hungry up here. I’m all alone. Nevertheless, that was David Bowie, from an album, “Space Odyssey” (sic) and that was the title track. And before that, we had Jonathan King, “Everyone Has Gone To The Moon”. I just passed the moon, actually. It winked at me. Then we had Brian Eno, “Another Day On Earth” is the name of the album and that song was called, “A Long Way Down”. You’re not kidding. Yes. We had the Rolling Stones before that, “Their Satanic Majesty’s Request” and that song was called, “2000 Light Years From Home”. Yes. Why do I keep saying, “yes”? No. I’ll say “no” from now on. “Flying Saucer Boogie” by Eddie Clitoris or something like that. I can’t tell, my eyes are a bit boss-eyed up here. It must be the cabin pressure. Then we started off with “The Thunderbirds Theme”. All systems are go. Even though I’m up here and Indie headquarters still have to pay the rent. So we’re going to visit the Duke. Thanks for listening.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(It sounds like he has slipped even deeper into the vortex now. The spacemonks voices have converged into a solitary “oooooh”.)

Steve: I wonder what the weather’s like down there on Planet Earth. Let me get a line through to Mr. Shovel. Mr. Shovel, do you read me?

Mr. Shovel: Read you loud and clear, Steve.

Steve: What is the weather like down there on Planet Earth?

Mr. Shovel: Sweltering. Like a sauna.

Steve: Oh, you mean it’s hot? It’s very cool up here and dark. Do you read me, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: You’re breaking up, Steve. I’m going into the Valley.

Steve: Oh. Okay, then. Let’s play The Tubes. “Space Baby”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(Now he’s back. “2001” theme starts in the background)

Steve: I did enjoy that. That was Spacehog from an album, “Resident Alien” and that song was called, “Star Side”. Then we had The Tubes before that, “Space Baby” and now, I present to you, all the way up here in the black hole of stars and universe, one pair of tickets to go and see The Buzzcocks next Wednesday, July 26 at the Henry Fonda Theatre. I won’t be back in time for that, I’ll still be going ‘round the galaxy. Come in Mr. Shovel do you read me.

Mr. Shovel: Uh, roger, Steve.

Steve: Do we have any other gifts to give away?

Mr. Shovel: Uh, that’s affirmative, Steve.

Steve: What do we have, Mr. Shovel? Do we have a t-shirt?

Mr. Shovel: We have a Jonesy’s Jukebox t-shirt. For the first person to answer on our MySpace…

Steve: Or on your Helio.

Mr. Shovel: Uh, that’s a…roger.

Steve: Helio is the way to go.

Mr. Shovel: That’s affirmative, Steve.

Steve: (very quickly) Youdounderstanddontyou? Helio is the Swiss Army Knife of…devices. Okay. One pair of tickets to go and see The Buzzcocks. You must tell me what I am playin’ on my humanoid axe and what I am whistlin’ through my space sphere um…outfit. You ready? My hands are aching, Mr. Shovel, my, my muscles are depleting…by the second.

Mr. Shovel: That’s the effect of zero gravity, Steve.

Steve: Yes I know. Do you have any Yeomans?

Mr. Shovel: Uh, that’s a negative, Steve.

Steve: What about Smash?

Mr. Shovel: We will look into it and get back to you, Steve.

Steve: Anything in powder form will be great. I want to put water to it and eat it.

Mr. Shovel: We’re doing everything we can.

Steve: Thank you. Here we go, you ready? 877 900-1031.

(Steve plays and whistles the tune, “Moonage Daydream”)

Steve: 877 900-1031. My muscles have depleted. I have no more strummings left in me. (demanding) Do I have my mash?!? Where is it? Thanks for listening.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(The commercials have ended, now it is time for the whistle reveal)

Steve: True nebula from Zacky Pong, do you read me? Crew nebula from Zacky Pong, do you read? There is no one out there. I’ve gone past the point of any electrical contacts. Nevertheless, I have my own reserve power to still play songs for you down there in the poxy Planet Earth. We have a winner. Just came in through the telegraphic conjobulator 5000 miniscules of gigabytes of phantasm. Did you get on MySpace? See, it all makes sense now…mySPACE. Up here, in space. We are going to have a new Helio clip of the day if you go on the Indie website you will see me with my full regalia on. My new, custom space helmet (bucket) and mask (hazmat surplus) with built-in antennas and cooling the veins from inside the suit. I hope you enjoy this suit. Let’s play the winner’s song, Mr. Shovel. It was David Bowie, “Ziggy Stardust”, “Moonage Daydream”. Take it away, darling.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(Set 3 has just ended)

Steve: Yes. Unfortunately, I am timeless. (demanding) Where’s my echo? ((Hello)). That’s better. Hmmm. How dare you? It must been caught in the chamber. Let me get outside the spaceship and repair it. I’ll do it in the next lot of commercials. That was Zolar X and that song was called, “Timeless”. Beautiful. And before that, we had Alistair Riddell from an album, “Space Waltz” and that song was called, “Sea Bird”. “Sea Bird”. Beautiful name. I wish I would have thought of that one. I only come up with the last part of that one. Bird. Then we had The Carpenters. I could do with some carpenters on my spaceship. The shelves are falling down all over the place…and that song was called, “Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft”. Wonderful song. Too bad about the bird, died. If only she would be…got help she’d still be churning out great pop songs. Sorry, Mrs. Carpenter. I will see you one day and we will make shelves in heaven. Yes. Why don’t you check out the Indie website and you can see me in my spaceship. It’s on the front page, I believe, is it? Let me find out if it’s on the front page. Calling Mr. Shovel, do you read me?

Mr. Shovel: Uh, roger, Steve.

Steve: Is that affirmative?

Mr. Shovel: That is affirmative, we’re sorry for this little snag.

Steve: Okay. I don’t want anyone to miss anything down there on Planet Earth. Here we go. Look at me, in all my glory. Wow, is that what I look like? Scary. In fact, what is happening to me? I feel my joints swelling up, Mr. Shovel. Am I okay? I don’t know what’s going on with me.

Mr. Shovel: We recommend you take the unit out of operation and check for errors.

Steve: Okay, I will do that. Let me press a few buttons (sound of buttons being pressed) okay, that’s good. (Sighs) Ah, I need relief. Is there any birds in the back of this spaceship? What’s going on here? I thought I loaded up a couple. Bring them to me, someone. Lets go and visit the Duke. Maybe I can have some hanky-panky in this next five minutes. Thanks for listening.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. I couldn’t find any humanoid femalians in the back of the ship. I am completely alone up here. But I did find this in one of the cupboards. It was Elton John and it’s a song called, “Rocket Man”. Do you read me, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: That’s a roger, Steve.

Steve: (knackered) Could you put it onto the Box please thank you.

Mr. Shovel: Uh, that’s affirmative.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Do I have my vortex headphones? Yes. Let me switch over to the ManFist 5000. (enters command into keyboard) Jolly good. Straight ahead, let me enter the condabulator. I think it’s five seven eight one two six five nine. (type type type) Yes. We are heading straight for the planet ManFist. I believe there is occupancy there. I’m not quite sure what to expect. I’ve been told they are friendly aliens and are warm. We will see. We are almost at the end of the voyage on the Jonesy Jukebox spaceride. We must still go to visit the Duke for one more time. Then I will give it one thrust and I will be out of here. One thrust toward the planet ManFist. Oh, before I forget, that last bit of music was BeBop Deluxe, ‘Jet Silver And The Dolls Of Venus” and before that was from the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack, “Velvet Spacetime” by Carter Burwell. Then we had the classic Elton John “Rocket Man” in brackets, “(I Think It’s Going To Be A Long Long Time)” Two hours, in fact. It wasn’t that long in MY time, cos I am coming backwards and up in through the middle. It’s a whole new time. ManFist. I can see it from here. It looks kind of fiery and furry. I hope I can get through the Black Hole in time to get in touch with the Mancheefrills. Let’s visit the Duke. Can you read me, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Uh, that’s a roger, Steve.

Steve: Continue.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(As we come back from commercial we are greeted by quiet strains of the “Blue Danube Waltz” and then we again hear the lonely echo of Commander Jones’ voice)

Steve: It is that time. I see bright futures ahead. There is life forms on other planets, so don’t worry. Even though ours is decaying, there is future elsewhere. I hope you enjoyed two hours of Space Void with musicoid, with peopleoids singing musicoids, hemorrhoids and steroids and…what are them breath fresheners?

Mr. Shovel: Asteroids.

Steve: Asteroids. I’m going to get in my pod and sleep five years. When I awake, I should be somewhere near the planet…um…aw, I can’t even think of the bleedin’ name of the place, never mind. My time capsule will wake me at the correct time. Let me just punch in two thousand twenty-five, one second…(type type) Yes. (The “Blue Danube” begins again, grandly) Okay. I’m going now. Hopefully all will be well. To all you humanoids on your Planet Earth, there is much turmoil. You must learn to be loving and not self-seeking and care for others is the only true form of happiness. Especially in the little town called Los Angeles, Hollywood, where self-centeredness runs rampant. Do something nice for someone today and don’t expect a “thank you”. I know it’s difficult, but it can be done. I’m going now. I’m getting in my pod, as we speak. (type type type) Goodbye. Goodbye. (farther away) Goodbye…

(All we are left with is the “Blue Danube” and the sounds of the Commander’s breathing; he has slipped away into deep slumber)

Until the next space ride, The End...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

The 2 Paul Cook transcripts are now available...coming soon "space time...a fusion

between the concepts of space and time." The Shaman "Space Time."

Er where there is apparently an 8 hour time difference...

Tina and chriswasanon have done it again!!! The 31.8.05 and the 9.9.05 shows when Paul Cook came into the studio are now available at Phil's site, Kick down the doors

These two pieces we all think made a fitting birthday celebration for Paul.

Well now here at the chriswasanon - you absolutely know that it is our mission statement to bring you the best bits of Jonesy's Jukebox in a handy transcriptural form. The bits with the High Pontiff himself, the very blessed Steve Jones and Mr. Mark Shovel, the very Right Reverbrend wizard and not forgetting the best bits with the guests. That is what we do. Best bits.

In the CwA News.

It's very hot over in California at the mo - so stay cool and collected if you are in a swelter zone.

Coming soon - iminient soon. "Space," the recent odyssey prog that Steve ran through your ears.

Still to come!

Transcribing "speaking in tongues." The solution. You'll see, oh yes.