Thursday, June 22, 2006

From 6/21/06 The Ark (updated 6/25)

Early in the show, before The Ark made their appearance, Steve got on the subject of scales. It started out as musical scales. He wrote a song about it...

Scales by Steve Jones

Scales should be left to the fishes
Scales should be left to weighing cocaine
I tell ya scales are not good
When they’re coming out of your back

Bum lesions to scales and lesions and scales
Scaly lizardy looking scales on the backstreets
You can find them scaly little lizards
Going ba ba ba bum bum bum (does scales here)

Lizards lizards saying scales
Lizards and porcupines and mandingoes
And men from outer space
With scaly skin weighing Charlie

And putting it up their long lizardy little tongues

Oh I’m the man from Planet Mongo
And I’m looking for some scales
I also get scale when I do this

From the Union

It’s good scale
“Union scale or double scale”?
“We’ll I’m not in overtime and it’s not Saturday so I’m just gonna get

regular scale”

es lizard’s scales working overtime
In Universal Studios getting scale
Weighing Charlie
Doing “ba ba ba ba ba ba ba” (sings scales)

Charlie and scales and Unions and all the
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba (sings scales)

Steve: What else, scales, help me Shovel, there’s got to be one more. I’m referring to scales.

Mr. Shovel: Trucks.

Steve: Trucks. Trucks. Trucks….

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The Ark

At the Troubadour (via cameraphone)

I was so impressed with The Ark when they appeared on The Box that I decided to go see them and I wasn't disappointed. Great show and stage presence, they have a lot of personality. Looks like they are building a dedicated following. Now when I hear their songs I can't help but think back to the crowd at the Troubadour and remember where the audience was singing loudly along with the band..

The Ark sang three songs live on The Box:. They performed two of their own songs, "One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young", "Rock City Wankers". The third was The Velvet Underground's "Rock And Roll" and they definitely did it justice. I just love that song.

The Ark

(the presumption on my part is that most of the responses on behalf of the band come from the lead singer, Ola Salo. Others spoke but I don’t know their identities so I have to label their input as “The Ark”.)

Steve: …in the studio, we have The Ark.

The Ark: Hallo.

Steve: Hello, Arks.

The Ark: (they all chime in with hellos)

Steve: From Sweden. How are you?

Ola: Oh, we’re fine.

Steve: Are you from Stockholm?

Ola: No, we’re from the South of Sweden, in Malmo. (pronounced “Malma”, there’s an umlaut over the “o”)

Steve: Malmo?

Ola: But originally we’re from another town in Sweden called, (phonetic) Veh-CRAH.

Steve: That’s South, too?

Ola: Yeah, it’s pretty much South, too. It’s spelled in a really cool way. It’s V, a, with two dots, x, j and u with two dots. It looks like a black metal band name.

Steve: Really?

The Ark: Yeah. We should have changed our name to that, I think.

Steve: Is that where you’re originally from?

Ola: Yeah.

Steve: So is that, is that South, is that where it’s daylight all the time or is that North?

Ola: No, that’s North.

Steve: North is where it’s daylight all the time.

Ola: I guess it’s opposite if you go to the South of South America or something like that, or New Zealand. Then it would be like the (?) if you go to the South, I guess.

Steve: Right. Is it warmer there, where you are?

Ola: Yeah. It’s like Spring comes earlier, yeah. It’s nice. It smells very good there.

Steve: Is it, cos, I know in like, Stockholm and that, a lot of people kill themselves don’t they?

Ola: Yeah yeah. In Sweden, I think we’re number one in the international suicide rate.

Steve: That’s what I heard. Why is that, do you think?

The Ark: Too dark.

Ola: Yeah, I think it’s too…

The Ark: In the Wintertime it’s dark all the time.

Ola: Too little sunlight, maybe we have like…you know, if you don’t have…it’s easy to live in Sweden but you know, but when you don’t have a lot of difficulties to work with, you start creating your own difficulties within yourself, maybe that’s why. We have it too good maybe, in Sweden?

Steve: The tax, it’s a high tax, but it pays for everything, right?

Ola: Sort of, yeah.

Steve: Is that not true?

Ola: But it’s becoming more like America you know, now.

Steve: Is it?

Ola: Yeah. You know in the Seventies and Eighties it was like, very like social-democratic and the State was taking care of everyone and you know, it was very much DDR-style. That whole thing changed in the Nineties and now it’s becoming more and more like a class society. More like America.

Steve: Oh. Do you like it out here?

Ola: Here in America?

Steve: Yes.

Ola: We love it, we love it.

Steve: You’ve been here before, though. When I run into you, was you playing? Remember when I run into you at that fashion show?

Ola: Yeah, we were playing a show, you know, the night after that at Spaceland in Silverlake.

The Ark: Actually, it’s our fifth time in, in The States.

Steve: Is it?

The Ark: Yeah.

Steve: As The Ark?

The Ark: Yeah. The first time was like, one year ago, so we go here pretty often, actually.

Steve: You like the birds better here?

Ola: Yeah, of course there’s other kinds of birds here. (the group laughs in the b.g.) But that’s also because the birds move, you know.

Steve: They fly.

Ola: They fly to Africa…

Steve: I remember the first time I went to Sweden, with the Sex Pistols and I couldn’t believe how good-looking and how willing the birds were there.

Ola: We did a…English tour, you know, some months ago…

Steve: I’m sorry.

Ola: …so we understand what you mean.

Steve: Yeah. (general laughter) Exactly.

Ola: So, yeah, the birds here are really beautiful, there’s lots of them, in different colors. The bitches are also very interesting because they run around, yeah – the female dogs…

Steve: Ze birds and ze bees.

Ola: There’s very many beautiful female dogs…isn’t that what you call bitches?

Steve: Bitches are the female. The four-legged ones, yeah. You know, sometimes we call birds bitches, right? Mr. Shovel does all the time. He’s always calling…

Ola: But then you’ve gotta be, yeah…very confused people.

Steve: It’s okay.

Ola: I’ve heard about bird-dogs.

Steve: There’s a song called, “Bird-dog”, isn’t there? (sings a bit to the tune of “Mockingbird”). Oh, “Mockingbird”.

Ola: Sounds like a smash, to me.

Steve: I just wrote it. I just wrote it.

The Ark: Yeah!

Ola: Shall we…put music to it?

Steve: Put some harp to it, yeah.

Ola: Yeah? Let’s do “Bird-dog”.

(Harmonica and guitar in b.g.)

Steve: Two, three, four…(sings)

Bird bitches
dog’s wickers
Birds and flies
and the birds and the bees
and the bitches and the birds
and the four-legged dogs
With the ugly birds from England
with the fat ankles

sweaty spotty asses

And then we come to Sweden
and the birds are a lot better looking
and they’re (?) to get it on
I love it all

Ola: Ah, it’s a smash.

Steve: That’s a smash.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Have you always been into glam?

Ola: Yeah, I think since our teens, sort of. I think we found these records and stuff, you know, our parent’s record collections or parent’s friends’ record collections. I think it was really appealing…to me, it was really appealing because I think it was like, fun music. It was also like, rocking and it was also sexy and a little like, sexually ambiguous. A mystique about it.

Steve: And the outfits.

Ola: Yeah, of course, the outfits.

The Ark: My parents didn’t have any glam records. (laughter)

Ola: No, not mine either, really.

Steve: Well, you’re playing tonight at the Troubadour and I hear you guys are pretty good.

Ola: Oh.

Steve: Word is, on the street…

Ola: Words on the street. Yeah…we’re doing our best. We’re doing our best to put on a show and to make (a) good, live show. Yeah, we’re very good, actually. I think we’re one of the best live bands there is, right now…

Steve: I think you are, I think so.

Ola: …in the world. Today. In the history of Man.

Steve: I believe so. I’m with you there. We’re going to give away three pairs of your tickets for tonight. Is it sold out tonight?

Ola: No, I don’t know…no not…

Steve: Just say, just say “yes”.

Ola: No, no. Almost so people can buy the last…

Steve: There’s three tickets left…and we’re gonna give ‘em away now.

Ola: Maybe four or five.

The Ark: If you’re lucky you can find one at the door.

Steve: Yeah?

Ola: Yeah, if you’re lucky.

Steve: What, what about if you’re a hot animal?

Ola: If you’re a hot animal? (laughing)

Steve: Yeah.

Ola: Any hot animals is welcome, you know.

Steve: Well, it is The Ark, innit? (laughter from group) You know what I mean? As long as you’re in twos, you can come on. Long as there’s two of ya. Ain’t that what it was on the ark? In pairs, they had to be in pairs?

Ola: Yeah, both male and female.

Steve: Two legs, two arms, two uh…you know what I mean. You know where I’m going. Should we just give ‘em away or do you want to do a little whistle first.

Ola: Ah, just give ‘em away.

Steve: Just give ‘em away? You don’t want a couple of bars of what you’re going to do?

Ola: What we’re going to do hasn’t got really a melody, so I think it’s hard. But…we can do a question like…something, maybe something about Sweden?

Steve: Okay.

Ola: “What country…” (laughter) “What country is next to Norway?”

Steve: No, “What, in the Seventies, was the biggest export in Sweden”

Ola: Porn and suicide?

Steve: No, it was…I know what it was. That’s the question. “What was the biggest export in Sweden in the middle Seventies or early Seventies?”

Ola: Didn’t I just say that?

Steve: No. 877-900-1031. If you don’t know what it is, it doesn’t matter, call up anyway. We’ll give ‘em to you. And we’ll be right back, with The Ark…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Very nice of you guys to come by.

The Ark: Really glad to be here.

Steve: Did you have a good time?

The Ark: Yeah. It was fun. Very fun.

Ola: I like the relaxed feeling here at this radio station. It’s not what I thought American radio stations would be like.

Steve: Well, it’s not. This is a little gem in the desert, mate. It’s not all like this.

Ola: The light in the tunnel?

Steve: Yes. The oasis in the desert. Is that the right one? Yes. The Swedish meatball in the masses of hamburgers.

Ola: In the mash of…

Steve: …the thing. Um, you’re playing tonight at the Troubadour, ten bucks to get in. And you’ve got some other band who you don’t know, opening for you.

Ola: I guess, I think they’re really good.

Steve: I heard they were good. Word on the street is very good. They’re almost as good as you guys.

Ola: Yeah, almost. I think they’re sort of the second-best band around.

Steve: The runners-up. The runners-up to you guys. You’re the gold, they’re like, the silver.

Ola: Yeah, they’re like the disciples, we’re…

Steve: You’re the masters.

Ola: …tonight we’re going to learn them some new tricks and pretty soon they’re going to take over.

Steve: They’re going to copy all your stuff.

Ola: And they’re going to take our crown.

Steve: Do you wear outfits?

Ola: Yeah, absolutely, yeah yeah.

Steve: Like flamboyant outfits?

Ola: Yeah, pretty…

Steve: Word on the street is you wear flamboyant outfits.

Ola: Yeah, word on the street. It’s true, it’s true. I think I’m going to wear my wings tonight. I actually got them through the Customs, so yeah…I’m going to look like a bird. I wear makeup also, when even makes me more look like a bird.

Steve: I like your album cover.

Ola: Maybe I will wear my new leopard leotard, as well.

Steve: Really?

Ola: Yeah, I’m not sure. I haven’t worn it yet so I don’t really know what it looks like.

Steve: Well, that’s a decider for me. Like, if you’re going to wear the leopard skin, I’ll come. If you’re not, I probably won’t.

Ola: Okay, I will wear it then.

Steve: You will? Okay, I’m there. I want to smell it after you’ve worn it.

Ola: What?

Steve: I want to smell it after you’ve worn it.

Ola: Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. You can do that.

Steve: You promise?

The Ark: It’s going to taste like salt and vinegar. (laughter)

Ola: I am famous for my stage clothes…actually smell exactly like salt and vinegar

Steve: You specialize in salt and vinegar flavor.

Ola: Yeah?

Steve: I can’t wait. I haven’t had a…

Ola: I think there’s a dash of curry in there as well.

Steve: (laughing) Excellent.

Ola: I can have my own crisps. Salt, vinegar and curry.

Steve: Swedish salt and vinegar crisps.

Ola: Apple cider vinegar, sea salt…

Steve: That’s for the healthy people. Sea salt. You’ve got to be…health conscious nowadays.

Ola: Yeah, especially when you eat crisps.

Steve: Yeah, so Swedish salt and vinegar with sea salt. It sounds very healthy.

Ola: From the Swedish archpelagio…

Steve: From the South part of Sweden.

Ola: Southeast archepelagio, not the Stockholm archepelagio.

Steve: And we’ll make a fortune, selling your sweat and crisps.

Ola: Just give me the crisps and I keep them in my armpit for a while and then we just package them.

Steve: Yes. We’ll have you on like, a treadmill so you’re constantly sweating (laughter) in a factory. So you’re going to do a cover song, to wrap it up?

Ola: Yeah, it’s two o’clock already. Do we have time?

Steve: Yes, yes. We can do it.

Ola: Yeah, we’re going to do a Velvet Underground song, “Rock and Roll”.

Steve: Thanks for coming by.

]~~~ ~~~ ~~~

You can visit The Ark's webpage at


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

From June 20 - England - Sweden on the Box

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. A football (World Cup) orientated post. So I too watched the England game (2.2 )on Tuesday night and was carried along by the action on ITV1. Could have done without the commercial breaks. Certainly could have done without Michael Owen dislocating his knee or something. That looked like a painful fall. A scan on Wednesday confirmed that he has cruciate ligament damage - which sounds nasty. He may not play again in 2006. But it was a good game, football IS a game of two halves and England seemed to my mind to play better in the first 45 minutes. Steve was there with Mark commentating on the action. His strategy as the man who spins the decks was to play nothing but music from Scandinavia. Supporters are a superstitious lot. That's enough football blog for today. Never mind the set-pieces, heres the tra nscriptions.

Tina IS at the controls.

June 20, 2006

(The opening theme starts, but over it we hear the sounds of a football crowd cheering and chanting)

Steve: (Immediately starts playing his guitar and whistling what sounds like, “Be Kind To Your Web-Footed Friends”) Oh no! No, I don’t believe it. (Mr. Shovel laughs in b.g.) I thought we escape having Crouch playing today. Owen, the big poof, just fell over and they had to stretcher him off…

Mr. Shovel: He tripped on his own shoelaces, Steve.

Steve: …and now, bleedin’ Stan Laurel’s out there.

Mr. Shovel: Two minutes into the game.

Steve: Unbelievable. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox with some Argentinian background football noises while me and Mr. Shovel are watching the England-Sweden game on the, on the box. I guess we could have the sound up. I wonder what it would be like if we had the sound up on that? Not good, or…you like it like this, right? Nice and controlled and…listening to Argentinians going, “Ally oh, ally oh, ally oh” watching a completely different game. If you don’t want to know the score of this game, you’d better turn it over to some other channel because I’m watching this game and I’m gonna talk about it. Oh, no. See, we…don’t wanna lose or draw this game. We wanna win this game because we don’t wanna play the Krauts in the next round. So it’s important, I think, that we don’t play the host, cos they’re on fire. Did you see them this morning?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I did.

Steve: They looked good, the ole Krauts. The always do, though. I like Klingsman, I’ve…got a soft spot for him…(clears throat) yeaahh. What was I going to say…it’s John Taylor’s birthday today. He’s forty-six years old today, John Taylor. And I know he’s at home with a few other blokes, watching this game. Is that us? No, that’s not us. Whose corner is it? I can’t even…oh, it’s the Swedes, got a corner. Oh, let’s, let’s watch this…two-bob. Okay nothing happened there. Kicked out. Ferdinand, I think that was, for a change, he got his foot to it. Oh, it’s going back in, though – keeper’s got it. Okay, sweet. Let’s play a bit of Kenny Lynch. This is a new song that’s recorded, he just did it, Kenny Lynch. He must be a hundred years old now. But he sounds great on this. It’s an England song. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, commentating the England-Sweden game. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(crowd noise fades back in at the bottom of the hour)

Steve: Yessssssss. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox, commentating live, the England-Sweden game, thirty-one minutes into the game. Still scoreless, nil-nil, England have had a lot of chances. Owens looks like he’s done. He got injured by himself first couple of minutes into the game, if you didn’t know that. Um, I’m going to play a Swedish band. Hopefully this song will jinx it. This is The Caesars and this song is called, “Jerk It Out”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Happy days at halftime. Fantastic goal by young Mr. Cole. Joey Cole got a blinding goal, almost from the halfway line. It was fantastic. One-nil to England, against Sweden. I told ya, if I played Swedish songs, it would jinx it, so I carried on playing Swedish songs. That was Iggy Pop, it ain’t a Swedish song, but he says “Swedish” in it (“Five Foot One”), so I figured that meant something and then we had this other mob, Big Bang, “Poetic Terrorism”, they’re from Norway, but it’s next door to Sweden (Mr. Shovel laughing in b.g.) and that song was called, “From Acid To Zen And Back Again”. And then we did have a a band, The Ark, who is from Sweden, and that song was called, “Piece Of Poetry Are Meant To Do No Harm” (sic) and we started off with The Caesars, who are from Sweden and that song was called, “Jerk It Out” and that’s when they scored. Fantastic.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: This is halftime, England-Sweden, England are up one-nil, beautiful goal, Joe Cole. He reminded me of me a little bit, the kind of goals I score. Although I would have knocked it in a bit harder, he didn’t quite knock it in as hard as I would have done it, but you know. Now we’re gonna probably play the second half, terrified and we’ll all be going to the toilet every two minutes. But we’ll see. They look like a different team, which I did predict, by the way, if anyone was listening.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t remember that.

Steve: Well, of course you don’t remember. You only listen to what you want to hear. I know you.

(note, here is a transcript of that bit from yesterday)

Steve: You gonna watch England tomorrow?

Futureheads: Uh huh.

Steve: What do you reckon the score’s going to be?

Futurehead: Two-one to all our lads.

Steve: To England?

Futurehead: Top of the group.

Steve: I think they’re gonna score more, I think so. I think it’s going to be a different game tomorrow.

Futurehead: I hope you’re right.

Steve: Yeah, me too. Cos…have you watched both the other games?

Futurehead: Yeah, we managed to see them both like, yeah.

Steve: Not too impressive.

Futurehead: Unconvincing-like.

Steve: But then again, you know, you’ve got Brazil, who’s the big favorite and they only won one-nil against Australia.

Futurehead: Ah, they’ve been unconvincing as well, like.

Steve: You know what I mean? Argentina…looked good. But then…you never know. Their next game, they might lose. That’s what great about the World Cup, cos you really don’t know what’s going to happen. You know, the USA, their first game, they looked dreadful, then they looked alright against Italy.

Futurehead: They did well against Italy, I thought, like.

Steve: You never know, like.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(later in todays show)

Steve: The game is now one-one, the Swedes got a goal. Ain’t it funny. Started playing “Victoria” by the Kinks, an English song, and they bleedin’ score. I should have just brought all Swedish songs in today. It’d be five-nil by now. Oh well, not the end of the world. Just hope we don’t get the Krauts in the next round. Ze Germans. Names unt addresses. It’s a game of two halves. But I think we’re going to score again, I’ve got a feeling. I’ve got a feeling that Rooney’s going to score. In the twenty-oneth, the twenty-first minute…(Mr. Shovel laughing, Steve as well) twenty-oneth minute…it’s a game of four halves…

Mr. Shovel: It’s coming up on the twenty-twoth…

Steve: It’s coming up on the twenty-twoth minute, soon to be going into the twenty-threeth minute. And then after that there’ll be the twenty-fourth minute. (speeds up) And they’re kicking the ball around like a bunch of silly men, one’s got red and one’s got yellow. I think they’re from Lichtenstein, and the reds are from Charing Cross. And they’re coming on the twenty-fife’th minute and they’re coming, they’re kicking the ball. And the ball’s being kicked around, there’s a lot of (?), I dunno what that is, there’s a pitch (?) there’s some white lines on it, it’s being kicked about by a ball. And there’s two onion bags at each end and I don’t know what they’re for. I think you have to put the ball in the hole and the hole in the ball and you put the knob in the bowl in the hole in the knob in the bowl and the bowl in the knob and the two-bobs and bob bob bobs shopping bags. We’re going to visit the Duke. The Swedes, they have a corner? There’s been more corners in this. If you’re listening, you probably don’t know what the hell’s going on. But does anyone know what’s going on, anytime I’m on here?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

From June 19, 2006

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. The part of the Internet where we strive to bring to you the very best parts of Jonesy's jukebox with Steve Jones and Mark S(h)ovel on Indie 103.1. In a handy cut out and keep transcriptural format.

You may or may not have noticed that our posts in keeping with the FIFA World Cup 2006 are kick the ba orientated. Football or Soccer or association football, don't matter what you call it, it is still the beautiful game. I saw the socceroos play a very good game against the World champions, Brazil.

Tonight it is of course Engerland v. Sverige. I note with some consternation that there are not enough radio feeds on the Net covering the World Cup. Perhaps can assist. Perhaps not...

Ahhahaha - I note that everybody does that nowadays. Rotter started it though. Actually Rotten started it. I used to call this sort of thing, "a lol moment" but I think ahahahah is more shall we say fitting?

So FIFA have official sponsors for the World Cup. Loyal Dutch fans/supporters/followers sport oranj. An estimated 250,000 pairs of orange lederhosen were purchased by Dutch fans to show their allegiance. On Friday when Holland played Ivory Coast, FIFA officials insisted that the Dutch remove these garments. Due to their being emblazoned with a non sponsorship deal Niederlandische beer brand name across them. The fans had to watch the game in their pants/shreddies/gruts/unmentionables. They were forced to deposit the rogue trousers in the trash or miss the match entirely Story taken from here

What is the world coming to?

The Myspace Steve news? I've seen enough. Some Stereoscopic binoculoid Steve there for you.

That's enough Chriswasanon. Until the next time...Aye but I was disappointed that Steve didn't re-run the Alan McGee interview but at least Tina transcribed it and you can see that one below today's post.

What's T for Tina got first then? Oh yes...Oh dear...too much football? Never and in two will be Euro 2008!

Now read on...

Tina IS at the controls.

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Monday morning. I’m all beaten up, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: What happened?

Steve: Played football yesterday. Friday, played football, too. I didn’t get beaten up then, but yesterday, got beaten up. I think I bruised me ribs at the back. It hurts. You ever bruised your ribs? It’s so painful.

Mr. Shovel: Mmmm…no.

Steve: It hurts when you sneeze. So I feel I’ve been beaten up.

Mr. Shovel: Well, don’t sneeze.

Steve: Yeah, okay. (sighs) Umm, football. Overdosing on football. I thought…I’d never say that. But there’s some good games. I watched um…oh god, there’s so many bloody games. I can’t even remember who’s who. In the end it just looks like a bunch of blokes just running around kicking balls. I don’t even know who’s playing what. Who was it this morning, Croatia? And Saudi Arabia? Oh, I dunno. It was a good game, though. England tomorrow, playing Sweden at twelve o’clock.

Mr. Shovel: At twelve.

Steve: We can watch that here, live.

Mr. Shovel: You’re gonna be here?

Steve: Yeah, I’m gonna come in cos it’s not the biggest, important game. So I figure I’d come in.

Mr. Shovel: So, you’re expect they’re just going to roll right over Croatia?

Steve: No we don’t…I think we’re already in, whatever the outcome is cos it’s, well it’s not a big deal, but it’ll be good for the seeding if we win or get a draw.

We’ve got The Futureheads coming in today, at one o’clock. Looking forward to that. Let me tune my Yamaha guitar.

Mr. Shovel: What brand is that?

Steve: That’s a Yam-aha. I did say, Yam-aha…(starts to play) sounds like a Yamaha, dunnit? Don’t you think? Is this on, or is this just for show, this mike? Oh, my hand’s all seized up. Sounds good. What’s this? (starts to play “Sara” by Fleetwood Mac)

Mr. Shovel: Yes?

Steve: It’s Fleetwood Mac, innit? It’s the intro to that one.

Mr. Shovel: I’ll go get my moccasins.

Steve: (sings) Wait a minute baby, stay with me a while…and we’re all drowning in a sea of love...

I’ve done that before, I think. Oh, I need a coffee or something. Maybe I should take some asprin for me ribs. Some ibuprofen or something. Oh, it hurts just to breathe in.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe you broke a rib.

Steve: I don’t think it’s broken. I hope not. Don’t say that.

Mr. Shovel: Did they strap you to the stretcher and carry you off?

Steve: And let me get up and get back on again?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: No, it’s not, it’s not that professional. Even though…you know what’s funny? When you’re playing football while the World Cup’s on, everyone starts thinking, you know, doing things that they do in the World Cup. Like the refs are giving out a lot of yellow cards.

Mr. Shovel: A lot, yeah.

Steve: And they’re doing that with us on the Sunday morning. You know, it rubs off, all that stuff.

Mr. Shovel: So every time somebody even comes close to you, do you throw your arms in the air and start going, “Owwww!”

Steve: Yeah, well that’s what I did. I fell on the floor. You know what I mean. Ukraine, that’s who played Saudi Arabia. They’re out, Saudi Arabia. Yes. I had such big plans for the show today, then I get on the air and I’m just like, bumfounded. I’d like to say thanks to my mate, Paul Stokes, who’s got the Stop Sign and Design place which is on 5772 West Venice Boulevard. He put a thing on top of my car that looks pretty cool. Like a sign, you know…they put this vinyl stuff on there.

Mr. Shovel: For what…what’s on there?

Steve: Well, I’ll give you a clue…it’s for the World Cup. I don’t want to tell too much cos I don’t want…(starts playing bluesy bits on his guitar in b.g,)

Mr. Shovel: You’re not like, driving Budweiser around on it?

Steve: No. No no no. Beano, I’m driving around. It’s a sign for Beano…know what Beano is?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. Something that you need.

Steve: I refuse to take it. I will never take Beano. I am proud of my gas.

Oh, I watched that movie the other day, that new one, the documentary on…”Who Killed The Electric Car”.

Mr. Shovel: Ed Begley Jr’s coming in.

Steve: I know, I can’t wait. Find the ins and outs. It’s pretty good, though. Kind of similar to that Al Gore one. You never know what the truth is, really. (still playing guitar) You know what we should play though, when he comes on, is that Gary Newman song. Maybe he plays guitar. Maybe we could play “Cars”.

Mr. Shovel: He plays drums.

Steve: Maybe he can play the beat and I’ll, I’ll play the music and the voice to “Cars”, Gary Newman. Or “Are Friends Electric”.

Mr. Shovel: Remember, he played drums in The Flower People.

Steve: Really? That was a band?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it was…before they were Spinal Tap.

Steve: Oh, right. He’s in it, yeah that’s right. Very good. Who else can I give a plug to this morning?

Mr. Shovel: Let me see. What kind of pick are you using?

Steve: Oh, it’s just a plain old pick. It don’t even have a name on it. Planet Waves. Who knows what that is…I don’t even know where I got it.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know. Just drink some Cricket Cola and play a song.

Steve: I wish. They meant to give me some. They haven’t given me any. They’re defying. They’re defying my tummy, Cricket Cola. They said they were going to send me a bunch.

Who else - Toyota, they’re taken care of, we don’t need to plug them. I think I’m doing a thing for a MySpace phone-thing. I think that’s coming up soon. (still strumming in b.g.)

I want to do a commercial for Beano, though. I think that would be hilarious. And I can, (do a) before and after, you know. I’ll let a good, right ripper out and then I’ll drink a bit of Beano and then - there’ll just be silence.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe they’ll give you a supply of ‘em, too. I don’t think it’s a drink.

Steve: No, it’s like a little thing…you put a little tab on your tongue, don’t you?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a pill.

Steve: It’s a pill?

Mr. Shovel: It’s an enzyme.

Steve: Oh. I see. I see.


Oh, I used to be football crazy but now
I don’t know what team’s what
There’s so much to absorb on the telly
that they all look the same to me

Are they Ukraine?
Are they Norway?
Are they Holland?
I can’t see anymore

I’m blinded by green grass and white lights
on the path to glory
Oh silly me

Is it Brazil
Or Argentina?
Or is it ‘spanol
Or maybe Mexico

Is it England or are they dreaming
with ole Laurel and Hardy up front who’s seven foot tall
Who else is in ze Cup have I missed

USA, they did pretty good the other day
Against Italy, hey-hey hey-hey
What do you say, fugeddaboutit Italy
Ayy, whatyagonndo?
You’ve got to beat the USA

And for the refs
They’re handing out red and yellow cards
like there’s no tomorrow

They think they’re Smarties
(Here, have a Smartie because you did nothing wrong Mr. Football Man)
You need to really give him a good kick in the nuts
And I will give you a red card for good reason

Oh whatever happened to me
I used to be normal before they put football on the telly
Now I’m addicted like all the other addictions that I have
Now I need to go to Football Addictions Anonymous
On the TV

Oh ho ho ho
Ho ho ho ho ho
(that’s my Morrissey impression)
hohohoho oh hoho ho ho
oh ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho

~~~ ~~~ ~~~


Monday, June 19, 2006

From June 16th - Alan McGee Visits The Box

Tina here. We were hoping that this show would have been re-run as the "Best-of The Box" weekly choice, so Chris could record it and have his way with it, since he lives in Scotland and all...and he does have such a way with such things, doesn't he?

The spectre of Boxlessness looms, my friends. This day is the eve of England/Switzerland on Tuesday, the game begins at twelve bells and Sire may not wish to be with us that day as he must focus on the match. Here in Los Angeles, I can't find the games on radio anywhere. A google search turned up a news report that a Spanish-language radio station would be broadcasting games, but I sure didn't find it. Unless you have cable television nearby, it appears that you are out of luck around here for most of these games on the weekdays. I wonder how soccer would play on radio. It really is a visual game. With American football there are various benchmarks like the yardmarkers and downs that quantify ones progress on the field making it easier to visualize, I would think. Hmm...anyway, on to some of the interview:

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, five after twelve bells, got my mate in The Box, Alan McGee.

Alan: Hallo.

Steve: Speak into the mike, then.

Alan: Hullo.

Steve: (Scottish accent) You’re all right there.

Alan: I’m all right there!

Steve: I can’t do a bloody Scottish accent. I’m terrible.

Alan: I know, but we’re not in the World Cup, so I’ve got you to support France, haven’t I?

Steve: Why are you supporting France, just by…out of curiosity.

Alan: Just being a…are you not allowed to swear on this radio station, are you?

Steve: No.

Alan: No no. I’m just an obnoxious person.

Steve: Yeah?

Alan: Yeah yeah. But you know that anyway.

Steve: I know that. Dreadful. Really obnoxious. Have you been watching it?

Alan: I haven’t been able because I’ve been in meetings for the last like, week. I’ve been in L.A. for about two and a half weeks and I’ve just been in like, meeting after meeting. But I’ve been getting really sad because I’m going to be (running?) you know?

Steve: Oh, I know. I knew that, I knew that, mate.

Alan: Yeah…

Steve: Um, big game tomorrow, though. USA-Italy.

Alan: I don’t actually reckon the Americans are going to stand a chance, what do you reckon?

Steve: Not a hope in hell…not a hope in hell.

Alan: (laughs)

Steve: Not by the way they looked when they played…who did they play? There’s so many bloody teams going, I forget. Who did they play, USA? Oh, Croatia, wunnit. The ones with the tablecloths for t-shirts.

Alan: Croatia’s good though.

Steve: No, it wasn’t them, was it? Oh, god, it’s so confusing. So many outfits, so many uniforms.

Alan: Argentina won six-nil didn’t they?

Steve: Yeah, they battered ‘em.

Alan: Yeah, England managed to beat a country that was about as big as St. John’s Wood, two-nil.

Steve: Yeah, you’re just jealous cos Scotland’ll never get in. (Alan laughs) Has Scotland ever been in the World Cup?

Alan: Yeah, we were in it in the 18th century.

Steve: That’s the beauty of World Cup. That’s what you was in, wunnit? I heard that Scotland had something to do with the beginning of the game – the passing. Scottish were the first ones to pass the ball. (laughing in b.g.) No, it’s true.

Alan: We invented…the telephone, pop music, football…(laughs)

Steve: No, I’m deadly serious. The history of football, before people passed the ball, everyone just used to get the ball and kick it. I heard that the Scottish were the first ones to learn to pass to other players. God’s honest truth.

Alan: Well, that’s because we’re an amenable, beautiful race of human beings.

Steve: Is that what it is?

Alan: Yeah yeah.

Steve: All right then. What’s happening? Any score here? Nil-nil.

Alan: I want Mexico to win. I like Mexico.

Steve: Yeah, I actually…don’t mind them. Plus everyone in the whole building here…

Alan: It was weird and that's what...I was freaked out. Everybody's got a Mexico t-shirt, and that was what I said to the girl who’s obviously Mexican, “Okay, I get you, but how come every single person’s got a Mexican t-shirt on?” then she just went, “Well, everybody speaks Spanish”.

Steve: Maybe cos everyone’s Mexican, yeah, in this…we’re the only honkys in this whole building. Everyone else is Spanish and they’ve gone now - they’ve all stopped like they do in every other country - to watch the game in the cafeteria.

Alan: We’ll keep it going, we’ll keep Indie 103 going, Steve. We'll batter (?) through.

Steve: Oh, it goes, no matter what, mate. Next Tuesday could be a problem, though, at twelve bells.

Alan: It’s that when you're (going off?) too?

Steve: That’s when England’s playing Sweden.

Alan: Aw, you don’t have a chance, mate.

Steve: Uh?

Alan: Nah.

Steve: We’re already through, mate. What are you talking about? Bad, bad football, but we’re, you know, we’re winning. It’s dreadful. I will agree with you on that.

Alan: Oversexed, but not overskilled.

Steve: Yeah. I don’t know what it is, mate. They just can’t seem to ah…when they play as a unit, twelve…

Alan: What I love is, you know “Footballers Wives”, do you know what I mean, you know, all the wives, like, become more famous than the players? It’s amazing.

Steve: You’re just jealous. I can sense it’s oozing out of you, the jealousy. (yells out) Where ya goin’ Mr. Shovel? Come back here!

Alan: Don’t leave him in the room with a Scotsman.

Steve: No.

Alan: I’ll pick his pockets.

Steve: He might glass me face!

Alan: I stopped all that () stuff twenty-five years ago.

Steve: You did?

Alan: I’m all right. Yeah, I’m all right now.

Steve: What you doin’ out here, by the way?

Alan: I’m…just causing havoc. Seen a few friends. Been hanging with that rascal Courtney Love a little bit.

Steve: You been hanging out with Courtney?

Alan: Yeah, she’s nice.

Steve: You deejaying or something?

Alan: Yeah yeah yeah, I been deejaying and then I’ve got a Dirty Pretty Things record coming out…

Steve: That’s “Dirty Pretty Things” if anyone needs translating…

Alan: (something about The Libertines)

Steve: They’re on your label. Do you manage them.

Alan: I manage them…they’re coming out on Interscope, Mark Williams over at Interscope signed them. He actually signed them basically because nobody else in Universal actually cared and we’re not actually really related to them from England to America but he actually picked the phone up and went, “I’ll come down to the studio” and he signed the band.

Steve: I thought you were going to get me to play guitar on a bit of it. I never heard from you. Very insulted.

Alan: …I’m very, very sorry, Mr. Jones.

Steve: You said you was. I said, “Could I play a song”, and you went, “I’ll make it happen”.

Alan: When they play, we’ll get you up.

Steve: No, that’s different. That’s just…I don’t like getting up with people. I like playing on records cos you can take your time. I’m going to play a song, just for you.

Alan: Okay. Is this a nice song?

Steve: I think so. It’s Slik. “Forever and Ever”.

Alan: God almighty, Midge Ure before Ultravox.

Steve: Exactly. He’s from your neck of the woods, innhe?

Alan: He’s a nice guy, actually.

Steve: I know, he’s a very nice guy, Midge. I thought you’d like this. Make you feel comfortable.

Alan: I feel very Scottish now.

Steve: Get ya loose.

Alan: I’ll get the kilt out.

Steve: Get ya loosened up for you-know-what.

Alan: Unless (?) win the World Cup. Then I’ll get a little bit upset and stuff. And I can just take it out in complete hatred that, you know (?)

Steve: Nah, it’s all right. Do you want me to get you a Mexico shirt? I can get you one. Everyone else got one.