Saturday, May 06, 2006

101 ------------------------------------------------>

My space Steve news - all of Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve.

It's complete Pontiffism!

It is getting hard to work out which is the real Steve and which is not.

Is it me, is it you, is it her, is it him?

Oh I don't know...

Pretty smart I reckon.



Friday, May 05, 2006

Our hundredth Post!!!

World Cup Willie was the official mascot of the Finals when they were held in 1966.


We are a century of postages here at the chriswasanon. I first opened the free shop here on 14th November 2005. Tina joined after the Indie 103.1 blog closed. This was the first post. So when I threaten to post my holiday snaps of Morocco you do realise that I'm in earnest and there is always importance in being Earnest. There's a lot of stuff to get through. First the history of the blog cos 100 posts is a lot. Then we will have some current affairs and finally in a bid to be ahead of the zeitgeist that will be the World Cup - some more of Willie (see above).

A transcription today? Well not now but maybe later. What a luvverly mornin' it is. Blue skies - just great. looks like IF this is the month of DOOM we are going to at least go out with a good dose of Vitamin D. or whatever vit. one gets from a good dose of the sun.

History news?

Chriswasanon was setup after it was suggested to me that I might like to do a blog, probably by my good friend and ex jukebox blogger Jewell. No I am wrong, Jewell it was who left the first comment. It was of course Floratina who suggested that CwA could play at blogspot. That was when Indie 103.1 had the Captain's blog. It was a free for all there and chriswasanon ie. here became the alternative for my rapidly growing blog friends when the blog was down. That was before the great exodus to myspace happenstanced. Why Chriswasanon? Well my first post to that late lamented blog was as an anonymous and my second was as... Chriswasanon. It was my good friend Jewell who definitely suggested the CwA. moniker. That is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

In the early days of the blog it was suggested that I was a comment hound of the worst type. This paragraphi is a summary of some of the interesting bits that make up chriswasanon and each coloured post is a link to something on this blog. Well now on that subject of comments - perhaps the most comments this blog ever received were when myself and Geoff Pie and Peas colluded and produced the Great Pie Space Swindle. The radio post is one of my favourite posts though. From time to time this blog hosts things that are of interest to vast fan bases, Todd Rundgren is one example and even more recently Tina's work in progress, Cheap Trick. This may well become a lot of Cheap Trick. When Steve has guests with large established fanbases, I let it be known to them that the stuff is available here. Usually through the fan message board. Perhaps the most fun though and the most satisfaction was when John Lydon came into the studio and we transcribed between us the whole show and sent it off to Phil's site, Kick down the doors. We followed that coup with Chrissie Hynde. More recently the space oddyssey Commander Jones and the excellent terrifying A1 A+A+A+A+A+ Angel of Anarchy have appeared. Oh I added a chatbox but it is advertising based and will open up annoying pop up windows - if I could find another free ware one sans the commercials with as much power and control as Flooble, I would. Any suggestions?

So that is your what is it? er near 6 monthly review. It only remains for me to thank all my visitors and those who have left comments and to extend a special thanks to Floratina of whom without, this blog would almost certainly have gone into permanent stasis mode. I see absolutely no reason why this blog should not continue. I will continue to post waaaaaaaaay off topic things here keeping to that part of our mission statement, "a damned eclectic blog" but we will also strive and labour to bring to you the people what are undoubtedly the absolutely best bits of Jonesy's Jukebox ever!

On to the current events.

Firstly STILL no Arse news :-(

Political Down South council news.

The far-right British National Party on the xenophobe ticket did depressingly well in last night's English local elections. The Tories improved but took 0 in Manchester and Newcastle etc. The Lib Dems made some gains and some losses. No local elections in Scotland - we have ours later.

Speculation amongst Fleet Street continues as to whether John Prescott Deputy Prime Minister who indulged in a fair amount of extra-marital "hows your father" with his secretary, should resign. Actually Fleet Street where the British Press where based is now down at Canary Wharf, it is no longer the "street of shame" more like the "scheme of shame" I suppose. Anyway secretary in candid diary wrote how Prescott was a "randy old sod." That's enough UK. politics.

Diplomats who won't pay the charges news.

The US. are apparently the worst offenders for ducking out of paying London's congestion charge. The Saudi's are the best and another country that I cannot remember.

The US. is to appear before the UN. today to answer charges of whether or whether it has been complicit in torture rendition kidnapping etc and as signatories of the CAT treaty the Convention against torture - it is responsible. The US. has brought 30 lawyers to defend it.

In class confusion news - a new survey reports that something like 23% of bank managers in these shores believe that they are working-class and 23% of builders believe that they are middle-class.

"Middle-class, working-class, it's all a load of shit."

Class consciousness eloquently and simplisticly summed up there by Steve Ignorant former vocalist of Anarchist punk band poseurs and all round revolutionary malcontents the CRASS. With a name like Ignorant - you'll go far my son.

Inger-land news. Mclaren has been named as the new England manager/coach after Sven Goran Eriksson finishes after the World Cup finals. No not that Mclaren you fool - actually I thought that too (not enough coffee department) nope it's Middlesbrough boss Steve McClaren. Currently Eriksson's assistant.

It will go mad down South let me tell you by the way and once them finals get a goin', there will be a blizzard of crosses of St. George flying from the bonnets of taxis in that sunshine and a lorra lager will be sold chuck - oh yes. I will be hoping to watch some of it. The Scots will slag off England - they always do but I think that there will be a secret desire that England do put on a good show. So long as nae yin mentions 1966. So if I mention it today, I do not have to later.

God do you remember, I was just 4 in 1966 but we thought when we beat the Germans at Wembley that we were top nation. It was a time for me of Bubble and squeak and Stanmore on the end of what was I think the brown line on a tube map. It was 40 years ago, it all seemeth such a lang syne my drear. I was living in London at the time. Snap out of it CwA. No doubt the Lightning Seeds "It's coming home" - is that the title? - will receive increased to massive air-play too. It all hinges on Rooney apparently...

and here is another flavour of 1966 :-)

That's it history lesson over. If Tina decides to transcribe something, I will let you know.


Thursday, May 04, 2006

From May 3 - A Dirge!

Welcome back to chriswasanon! On a battleship grey - you know the kind of grey? It's the kind that that once whiter than white things become after repeated washing. Yep, that kind of a grey.

Last night the swallows were soaring high above us - usually an indication of good weather but today seems to be a change. Nay Sirrah and thrice nay say gainer nay not again Arbuthnot!

I know now that our Steve definitely suffers from SAD. Which is a seasonally afflicted disorder. Not enough Sun, not enough Sol. Chan eil Grianach ann. The sun is not shining. Zo in zees such cases ve often find that the lack is helped by ein upbeat colour therapy shade here I zink to put zer smile back.

Fizzogverkaufenzeinenschnitzelgruberwerkzeug. Ja? That was a made-up German compound noun. Any German speaker will probably find it unfunny. Mo Chreach's a' thainig, must dash got plants to water...That means my plunder has come, which is sort of a bad thing.

So Tina has done it again but before she does, what was the deal with Tuesday show's - no Steve and low murmours of discontentitude were to be heard over at chriswasanon towers. Well never mind - those posters will be coming soon. Ach cheer up, the world IS in a mess but worrying about it won't change things. Use recycled toilet paper and environment friendly washing powders, we do! and something called
Eco bollocks, oops I mean Eco balls.

They really work - well sort of. I reckon listening to the birds and counting ones blessings does help too. But I am a ludicrous optimistic type. And NEVER play DOOM. At least not on Nightmare level anyway.

ID. Software's DOOM originally released in 1993 changed the shape of first person shoot 'em ups! Don't play it not NEVER :-) We're doomed laddie, doomed etc.


Still none I'm afraid - feel free to send in either:

a) Your arse.


b) Your news.


c) An imaginative combination of both.

Breathe in, breathe out
find that
still quiet
centre er center
of yore being.

Consider the lillies
and the dandelions
and shun
the frumious bandersnatch.

That was the dazzling DAZ SURF Cosmic mood lifting soap powder vista from the chriswasanon.

Tina IS at the controls!

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Five after twelve bells on a very gray Wednesday. If it was any grayer, it would be dark. It would be nighttime. So depressing…help me get out of it. (strums his guitar through this whole monologue) I don’t want any more. I didn’t move here for this, to sunny Southern California.

(to Mr. Shovel) You hear this depressing chord? That is the sound of what it looks like outside right now. (slowly plays chord on his Yamaha 12-string which has that harpischordy-kind of sound)

Mr. Shovel: Looks like the Renaissance festival out there?

Steve: How dare you defile.

(sings, it’s somber and slow)

The end is near
Bring out your dead
There’s not long left to go
The sun has gone to another galaxy
There Is no light anymore

The moon is the only light you will see
At the end of the day
Hell will descend upon you
In every part of the globe
For we have defied the laws of gravity
We have raped and pillaged ole Mother Earth

The sun got the ump and took a bus
To the black hole of Gunga Din
There is no more light
Only evil
Why do we never learn

There’s no more chances
We’ve run out of options
We have bamboozled the light
We have confused and distorted and maimed
The creatures of the universe
Oh why oh why oh why do we never learn

(audio courtesy of Mr. Shovel) : “My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos, ruined dreams, this wasted land…but most of all, I remember the Road Warrior.”

Joint Floratinabella chriswasanon, JC. Charles Dodgson for the people.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Steve is back May 2nd 2006

Welcome back to chriswasanon on a sunny day in early May fa la la la la la la etc. I had a fine time at the Wigtown book fair and the weather was kind to us yesterday having decided to produce a gale and heavy rain ONLY after we had lifted all the books from the bookmaze. The bookmaze raised £324.02 for the Children's Ward of the Dumfries and Galloway Royal Infirmary.

Gravitas that's what the presence of a bagpiper adds! Bookmaze Wigtown Sat 29th April.


It has left an interesting amazing :-) pattern on the grass.

Yore grey 'aired correspondent pic alert.

It is a sad fate for books to end up in a skip (dumpster) But a good few of these were rescued by punters. Wigtown after the mysteries of the bookmaze May 2006.

That's enough of my neighbourhood.

Steve Space news.

Well now, a massive combing search and destroy mission by Steve's army of "Obeygruppenfuhrers" resulted in a new high score of 14 more defiant so-called "friends" getting their marching offski orders. I can therefore only urge and exhort you my friends that you do keep the man in your myspace top 8...else. He was relenting tis true and letting they who defy back under his wings but now, no appeal will absolve you, thou art a heretic and to defy is a myspace pontifical excommunication. One day there, the next deleted. Be gone!

The wrath of shall descend upon you. Verily t'will. So you 'ave been warned ain't ya!



We are having technical difficulties with our old arse news at present so none today. :-(

In other rock star gods who are deejays news. Bob Dylan is going to spin the decks.

Poster news.

Steve did team up with artist Shepard Fairey to knock out a limited edition of 300 screen printed posters, signed by the man who can and the creator. They look good too, very nice and really are a collectable snippety snip at $45. Plus shipping etc. Available at Might be an idea to grab 'em quickitty quick licketty split too. AVOID disappointment, please rush me my etc...

Ho ho ho. Pauly Poo! sent along a pic of the Am-ex graphic that Jamie Reid did for the Great Rock n Roll Swindle single to pay for his poster to Steve's myspace comments page. Classic! That WON'T Do nicely. Weren't Glitterbest threatened with having their asses sued unless they withdrew that graphic? I seem to recall that soon afterwards, the Swindle single in the Am-ex bag was changing hands at upto

But Am-ex swindle aint as rare as all that.

Lets have a look at what went down shall we?


Tina IS at the controls.

Part-time Bicycle Man May 2, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a Tuesday, very dark Tuesday. Impending doom Tuesday is what my feelings are when it’s like this. Lately, my whole aura has been impending doom. My head has just been…I wake up and I think something’s gonna happen…all the time. Like a big earthquake, or something.

Mr. Shovel: Well, if you think that every day, then you’ll be right, eventually.

Steve: Eventually. But I feel like something’s going to happen within this month. I don’t want to be a downer but I just, my gut feeling tells me something tragic is going to happen this month.

Mr. Shovel: Definitely. If not this month, next month.

Steve: I would lay bets on this month of May. I have a feeling. Don’t know what it is, but something tragic.

I deleted 14 punters from MySpace this week. I had my spies look, researched and destroyed 14 unfaithfuls.

Mr. Shovel: For doing what?

Steve: For not putting me in their Top 8. They were removed. They defied The Pontiff and they were banished and they will not come back. A few of them have done that before and groveled back and I’m let ‘em in. But them days are over, there is no more coming back once you’ve removed me from your Top 8. I did mention MySpace, didn’t I? SexJones? forward-slash SexJones? MySpace dot com?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, if that were part of the real world, those people would be bummed.

Steve: Yes. But it IS the real world. It’s the modern world. It’s the future…where no one actually touches anymore. Everything is done through wires. You wait and see. You mark my turds. Do you understand? It’s the future.

Mr. Shovel: Your future.

Steve: Yes. NO future. God Save The Queen, my son. (sighs) Talking to a buddy of mine today…we was talking about this band. Popular band, I’m not going to name the names. They’re on the road right now. They played a certain TV show last night and one of my pals is the uh…a good pal of mine is a rhythm guitar player and when he’s not playing around with this band, he works in a bicycle shop in the valley, right? He’s a good guy, a normal guy, in shape…mid-thirties and he couldn’t get arrested with women when he works in his bike shop. But when he gets up, on the road, gets up and plays his guitar in front of an audience, the guy gets laid every night. Now what is that about a bird that makes, wants to have it off with bands, guys in bands.

Mr. Shovel: Well, I notice you didn’t become a bike mechanic when you were a kid.

Steve: No, I didn’t. I was lucky enough not to do that. But you’re swerving away from the question. What makes birds, not all birds, but you know, a small percentage want to have it off with a guy who’s up on a stage playing a guitar in a rock band. What do you think…what makes…what is that?

Mr. Shovel: I think you should let the women answer that.

Steve: Yes?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: Okay. 877 900 1031 I think is the number, isn’t it?

Mr. Shovel: I think anybody who’s doing what they do and they do it well and they do it because they love it, that person is attractive.

Steve: Oh, I think I do a good job on here. I don’t see ‘em coming in here, wanting to have sex with me.

Mr. Shovel: I said, when they do it “well”.

Steve: Ayyy, listen, that’s it…that’s it.

There’s something about the energy in a room with a load of other people that, for an hour or ninety minutes, I think these guys…they’re catering to this crowd and there’s something attractive about a bloke on a stage, I guess. It’s a sense of power and I guess birds and blokes are drawn to it, in a way. But, it’s funny, like I said. He works in a bike shop, normally. He couldn’t get laid in a jail - a woman’s jail with a handful of pardons, normally. But here, on a stage, shaking his ass around he’s um…(starts to play guitar and harmonica) Got my 12-string. Sounds, good dunnit? I tuned it up. It took me an hour. Did I mention my Yamaha 12-string? I did, did I? It’s my Yam-aha 12-string.


He works in a bike shop
in the valley oh yes
But when he goes on the road
with a rock and roll unit
his unit gets met

Bike Man, show me
Mike man
what is it about, man
that women want

Is it his guitar
between his scotch eggs
or is it about
no self esteem

Tell me ladies
and gentlemen
welcome to the fabulous stains
on his legs

And the ladies want
his man-milk
because he’s on the stage
rockin and rollin his stuff

Mr. Bike Man
fix my crank
and I have a puncture
from driving on Mulholland

It’s very prickly up there
There’s tentacles
and barnacles oh oh oh

Please help me
Mr. Part-Time Bike Man
Part-time rock and roller oh oh
What is it about rock and rollers
That women want it
Just for one night-ite
on a bike and
why do
women gravitate
to the rock and roll
at night night night night

End of transcription.

I can see Steve's point. No way can a small bag full of tools, a tube of rubber cement glue and a fist full of tyre levers compete with a guy spraying amplified electric chords at an audience of believers. It is tempting to insert pictures of Steve aiming his axe at the chickies in the front row back in the day, with a picture of a humble bike toolkit, but I wont.

"How can we ever thank you Bicycle repair man? Would flinging our frillies at you and then presenting our firm and eager..XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?"

Stop stop stop! - well you get the picture. ;-)

But this was a fine ditty! Tight it was, good laughs. All meat, no filler.

Floratina and chriswasanon Absolutely final jolly old edit (speak fer yerself) and it was a joint Marshall amplifier and puncture repair kit production for the people what love the man who can for two hours SIX times a week.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Mayday post. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicker man

This will be the last post of my three over the Wigtown Book fair and of course the Mayday holiday. Today is a Bank Holiday but there are still plenty of visitors in the booktown. Well now Winter is over and "Summer is a' cumin in," as the old song has it. The bookmaze today seems a little forlorn after last night's steady rain but that is not deterring dedicated bibliophiles. It really is Art in Action and only slightly less subversive than last year - when all the books were free. This year signs were added and Julie - one of our resident artists stationed her models of beltie cows - the Galloway breed - around the green. Donations on the Saturday when the charity box was emptied were very healthy.

The bookmaze on the Saturday and a better shot. Courtesy of Ian and Sue over at 451f bookshop.

Ok so what is the film the Wicker man about. What has ensured its continuing popularity? Yesterday I attended the talk, "inside the Wickerman". Like the diligent student that I am, I scribbled down some notes. Is not the central idea of Beltane itself, that of regeneration? In a practical sense the Wicker man allowed Christopher Lee to escape from permanently wearing a black cape etc. sucking the blood at the snowy white throat of innocent young maidens. The Gothic terror of his Count Dracula. Lee loved playing Lord Summerisle, thought it was his best role in fact. You can see that in the way that he plays the part. The Wickerman is a cat and mouse film with the ultimate of denouements. The hunter becomes the hunted. It is an island where Paganism has triumphed and overlayed Christianity. Although Sgt. Howie makes an effort in Anwoth churchyard to reclaim the church for Christ with his makeshift cross.

This in itself was odd. Yesterday in the audience sitting waiting for Festival Director Michael Mcreath to interview Allan Brown, I could not but help notice something. The usual selection of Scottish accordion type ceilidh or dance music that comes over the pa. at such events had a distinctly Christian flavour. It consisted of amongst others, "Onward Christian soldiers." Well maybe it was a Sunday? Of course I neglected rather foolishly in my previous piece to consider the famous festival of burning man in the Nevada desert and our own Wicker man music festival set to take place this year on 21st 22nd July. At both replicas of the Wicker man are burnt. At Bladnoch last night we kept our own appointments. The original site for the location of our Wickerman at Bladnoch had in fact to be shifted when the local landowner expressed Christian doubts about it's location on his land. Something about paganism and heathens?

What makes the Wicker man a deserved cult classic? The missing footage, the mysterious stills that never made it in any print to the released version. There is the tension between the actors on the set. The stunning beauty of the locations, Plockton in the West Highlands and our own Bonnie Gallowa' and that central ancient idea of the holy fool, the human sacrifice.

I may have been a little hasty in my dismissal of the current Hollywood project, The Wickerman - to be set on the Eastern Seaboard so I believe - was thought by Allan Brown to only augment and add to to this wonderful film. The Wickerman is regenerated and will rise again! I would finally add and not because we have them for sale that Anthony Shaffer's screen play makes for a cracking good read!

Bladnoch distillery.

And so to the Bladnoch distillery for the culmination of the book festival, I suppose and the showing of the director's cut, "the Wicker man" preceded by a short discussion with one of it's stars, Ingrid Pitt and the producer, Robin Hardy. To culminate in the burning of the Wicker man. So a packed evening at hand. A pleasant evening stroll down there too. Although the hawthorn is not yet in bloom. Arrival greeted by a piper treating us all to reels and jigs - say not skirl or drone - I always feel that the presence of a piper gives to an occasion gravitas and weight. File in, shuffle shuffle, sit down. Get up and buy two drams, sit down shuffle shuffle. OK?

According to Ingrid Pitt and Robin Hardy, Britt Ekland never said that Newton Stewart - a mere 6 miles away - was, "the most miserable place on Earth." Or that the Steam packet inn at the Isle of Whithorn was a "shit hole." Newton Stewart is really fine and The Isle is a lovely place on a summer's evening with all the boats in its neat and trig little haven. You know, the water gently lapping, the sun dancing on the waves. It was hereabouts of course that St. Ninian set up his Candida Casa (the white house) and perhaps Ninian was the first of the Celtic saints to come to Scotland and attempt conversion of the natives. Sometimes Manx registered boats too tie up from Ellan Vannin (the Isle of Man).

It's a packed bums on seats audience of pagans and locals and visitors here tonight. There is something to share. Robin Hardy recounted the following tale related to whisky. Aquae vitae, the water of life,uisge beatha.

I must relate this tale to you. From hazy memory. Well it seems that in one of their jaunts around Wigtownshire, Robin Hardy the dir. and Peter Snell the film's producer had ended up late one night at Bladnoch and somehow - that part of the story is a little unclear - arrived at the source where the essence flows gold. Now Peter (steaming sloshed after suitable refreshments?) decided that there and then he would buy yon distillery!

He was not to be dissuaded, either. He didn't want a dram, he wanted the whole process, start to finish. If that meant buying the place - so what? Well the stillman or potman or foreman mannie must have finally agreed and eventually the then owner of the distillery was located in the US. After a long transatlantic telephone call, the deed was done. Peter was now the proud possessor of his very own whisky factory. Little did it matter that the deal had been closed at £3,000,000. Pay the bearer on demand the sum of three million pounds. He had got it.

Well the birds they do sing most sweetly etc and in the morning with no doubt, a hangover - Robin brightly informed Peter that he was the new owner of the Bladnoch Distillery.

"Congratulations Peter."


"Don't you remember - you bought that distillery last night?"

"Oh my God."

It turns out to make a long story short, that Peter Snell was able to wriggle out of his expensive purchase but only after long lengthy negotiations and the efforts of a legion of lawyers and solicitors and no doubt attorneys. Now that was a great story and whether there is any ultimate truth to it or no is not for me to say - Say not that it wasn't a wonderful yarn.

Then the lights went down and we watched the film. After it was finished we filed out - some of us a little subdued and after all Pagans and Wiccans DO NOT practise blood sacrifice of animals, birds and humans and we walked down to the river where the Wickerman stood. The piper played and as we grew closer Willow's song from the soundtrack played too and then well, these things are a visual experience so here is the pic.

Keeping your appointment with the Wicker man. April 30th 2006 Bladnoch distillery. Courtesy of Ian and Sue of 451f another Wigtown bookshop!

And so homewards having been thoroughly entertained to muse with Ian over the film and smoke endless drunken cigarettes and drink several glasses of Calvados apple brandy. Boo hiss, it turns out that Lord Summerisle who we secretly want to be a good guy is as bad as all the rest but will he too next year have to keep his own appointment with the Wicker man? Would that Summerisle existed.

At about 4 or mebbe five, I staggered out of my bed into the dawn bleary with sleep to reach my hands out and scoop some of that precious dew into my hands and wash myself - despite the fact that a fine smirr of rain was falling. So that's me for another year. Tina the transcriber and Steve Jones the Pontiff of pop, the ace of myspace will be back very soon.


Sunday, April 30, 2006

Every picture tells a story

but what do you think that this picture is about?

The fire festival on the Calton Hill in the middle of Edinburgh.

The fire had last been lit on the Calton hill 400 years ago to mark the coming of the summer. In 1987 a dedicated bunch of re-enacticists decided to relight the fire "Bring whisky, wood and songs" was the call that went out on that first flyer ,if memory serves me correctly. Well from an initial attendence of around 400 in that first year, the Calton Hill fire festival of pagan pageant, song, carousing and drinking grew to be so sucessful that the City Fathers of Edinburgh district council tried to put a no drinking policy in place.

Chriswasanon will always acknowledge the old ways -so I would like to wish all my readers a joyous night and may your own beltane fires burn brightly. Here as far as I can work out is the current flyer. It has been a long time since I last went up the Calton Hill on April 30th but I have many happy memories. I may finish this festive weekend with one more post on thoughts of the Wickerman - our scripts of the film at £8.00 were a snip - flew off the shelves they did!

Steve will be back soon!