October 12, 2006 An Extra Hour

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. Actually, this ain’t gonna work. Got the wrong harmonica. Um, Thursday, three minutes after twelve bells, ‘bout seventy, I mean sixty…it’s getting warmer. It’s getting chilly at nights, though. Nice in the daytime.

When do the clocks go forward? That’s the worst day of the year. It’s like, late October, I think it is? ‘round near Halloween, innit? That’s when they put the clocks backwards or wherever they go? (plays a pretty bit on the guitar) That’s a nice little riff. It’s all mine. It’s all mine, that is. Taken from The Cars, a little bit. That’s just a…I wish I knew what that chord was. That’s an A Major…I think this is an E 7th…

(sings)

Moonlight becomes you
moonlight becomes you
in ze eveningtime when
we put the clocks forwards
and we take two steps backwards
and things are darker earlier around five thirty
it looks so depressing to me

oh darkness
that’s when I wish I was in Lichtenstein
and it’s daylight all day long
oh Lichtenstein
it’s one or the other…

Steve: No, it’s dark all Winter there, right, when it’s Winter? One of them gaffs. Who knows. Um, what’s happening? Def Leppard tomorrow.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

It’s October 29th, last Saturday of the month. (when the clocks are changed)

Steve: Is that is? Alright. October 29th, set your watches for that day. It’s when all the burglars come out and people are mugging ya. Got an extra hour of mugging.

Mr. Shovel: That’s going to be a big party night, so you get an extra hour to party.

Steve: (sings)
An extra hour to…

Steve: I don’t hear echo.

(singing again with echo)
…party on October 29th
you can come out with your truncheons
and take money from weaker people than you

You say Oi, stick ‘em up
I’ve got a gun in my pocket
I need some crack
And you’re my only option

Mr. Shovel: You can even wear a mask!

Steve: (sings)
And you can even wear a mask
While you’re taking my money

Extra hour to rob people
Oh oh oh oh

Mr. Shovel: But you’ve got to look out for the fake slutty cops.

Steve: (sings)
But you gotta look out
for the fake slutty cops
what are you talking about Mr. Shovel
What does that mean

Mr. Shovel: It’s Halloween.

Steve: (lightbulb goes on) Oh!

(sings)
It’s Halloween
Everybody dresses up in funny outfits

Steve: (continues playing) Do you remember the one, the cop last year? Guy dressed up as a cop or something, and the (real) cop shot him in the house?

(sings)
Don’t let that happen again
He’ll never wear a police uniform again

Steve: I think he’s dead, isn’t he?

(sings)
I think I’ll dress up as a burglar
I’ll wear a striped sweater
With a bag on my back
that says “swag”

and a beret just like in the old
the old commercials, comics and films
oh oh oh oh…

Chad Fontaine(?): Gonna play some dancin’ music…ambiance. Get your groove on, sucker. Now when I say suck, you suck, sucker. Yeaaaaahhh…

October 11, 2006 - Nerds

Welcome backski to Chriswasanon, the part of the Internet were there is slavery all of the day and all of the night to bring you hot from the transcriptorium, the absolutely best bits of Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1.

So England got gubbed 2-0, so did Scotland. Nuff said.

Correctimundo, Google acquired youtube, perhaps they will sling denierbud off now and his lying revionist movies of the Aktion Reinhard(t) camps. Wouldn’t count on it. What price free speech eh, chums? Oh well that’s enough fibbing delusional nazis for the moment. Yep and myspace was undersold too. This is the current news on that breaking story…

“ judge has dismissed MySpace founder Brad Greenspan's claims that the sale price of the social networking site to News Corporation was too low. Greenspan said he will appeal.

Greenspan founded MySpace and is a former chief executive of its parent company Intermix. He filed a suit in February claiming that News Corp's $580m purchase of Intermix did not value the business highly enough, claiming that the company's officers acted out of a desire for personal gain above the interests of the shareholders.

Superior Court judge Carolyn Kuhl dismissed Greenspan's claims, saying that the acquisition was legal and the decision taken by Intermix board members was legitimately taken, according to Fox Interactive, the division of News Corp which looks after MySpace.

"News Corporation and Fox Interactive Media feel vindicated by Judge Kuhl's ruling," said Mike Angus, Fox Interactive Media's general counsel in a statement.

Last week Greenspan published a demand that an investigation be conducted into the sale by the US financial regulator the Securities and Exchange Commission, the United States Department of Justice, and the United States Senate Committee on Finance.

"News Corp's valuation has increased by $12bn since the transaction occurred just one year ago, and there are several independent analysts today that agree that MySpace is worth tens of billions of dollars,” Greenspan said in that statement.”

Your source for that gobbet was

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/10/12/greenspan_claims_thrown_out/

If we are going to talk about Nerds, no self-respecting nerd worth his MS-DOS 4 command line is without the register. There is a US. version too. I reads el reg often. But I ain’t about to phish Steve for his credit card number, or anybody elses for that matter. The days of mailbombing and my puppet mastery times in front of other peoples’ computers are over.

“Oh dear, I seem to have deleted all your files.”

I’m joking, chriswasanon is and was not ever, a hacker cracker or a computer knacker.

Mr. Bill of Uber Nerdulike software megaliths Micro Mr Softy stale armpit news.

Did you know that 90% of you who use a pooter have a version of his softs on yore machines?, Of course you did do and the rest of you are Macs, or Linux, or Sun or Banzai Nippon corporation. “Gatesy” as we at CwA never call him, was a classic nerd. It is alleged that he was surrounded by pizza boxes and empty coffee cups and existed in a fug of his own armpit juice. From there to Windows Vista, eh? A bit like Moonwatcher in 2001, one minute smashing the skull of his fellow humanoid, the next waltzing around in outer space. By the way that stuff about Mr. Bill is gossip and in no way verifiable.

Bit quieter here today. Domestic Bliss news. My other and better and vastly superior half is not so well, so that means all animal husbandry and plant feeding duties are in my incapable hands.

That’s enough chriswasanon. Lets see what Mz T. has got for you.

TINA IS AT THE CONTROLS!

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. I have breaking news: (we hear an itty bitty little disturbance emerge from his lower gastrointestinal tract which Mr. Shovel thoughtfully augments with reverb effects) Oh, just got the echo barely on that one.

It’s two minutes after twelve bells on a Wednesday and there’s nothing like starting the show with a bit of breaking news. Oh, man. England I think, has gotten beaten, two-nil…World Cup qualifying game. Is it World Cup, or is it European? Losing two-nil. I think it must be all over, it started at ten…yeah so it’s all over. Jesus. Two-nil. Who did we play, I can’t even remember. I was in such a rush this morning. Terrible. Anyway, um, yeah. What is it? It’s about…sixty-eight degrees today. Hold on. Do we have more breaking news? I think so…(we hear another anemic little popping sound)

Just not so “breaking” as the news I like to have. I like it to be more breaking than that.

Mr. Shovel: That was just a little background information.

Steve: Yeah, that was just a little teaser to what’s in store to come on the rest of the show. (His chair can be heard squeaking in the background) You know, we really need to get this oiled.

Mr. Shovel: We have it like that for Halloween.

Steve: (keeps producing a slow, agonizing squeal from the chair) Bringggg out your dead...ghouls…(to Mr. Shovel) put some echo on that…

Mr. Shovel: (puts some echo on that)

Steve: (((bring out your dead! Undead undead. He’s dead, he’s dead. Eeoowww. Halloween…fiendish…eooowww, no garlic…))) All right. That’s enough of that one. What’re we doing, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: (laughs)

Steve: What am I doing.

What about them guys, the YouTube guys. Did you hear what happened to them?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: They just made a load of money.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Did you know that?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: How old are they? Twenty-eight? Thirty, round there? A little Asian bloke and another mate, two nerds – again.

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: The nerds are going to inherit the earth, I think. The geeks and nerds. Forget the cockroaches.

Mr. Shovel: They earned it. Their kids are going to inherit it.

Steve: Forget the cockroaches. Nerds are where it’s at. But it’s all on paper, apparently. One billion…

Mr. Shovel: It’s in stock. In Google stock.

Steve: One point six billion dollars. Two little nerds. The usual scenario. In their garage, using people’s credit cards to get it going. And what’s amazing is that it’s again, nothing they’ve come up with, they’re just providing something.

Mr. Shovel: A server.

Steve: Yeah. Incredible. I’m happy for ‘em. I’m happy for all them people who do something like that. I just wish I had the brains and the technical know-how to do things like that. I’ll never do that because I’m not a computer person. But I’m happy for people who do it. Where do they live? I want to be their friends. I want to surround myself with nerds.

Mr. Shovel: You have to get some before they’re rich, though. Otherwise…

Steve: They’ll know.

Mr. Shovel: …it’s hard to get in…

Steve: They’ll know I’m after their money…
I actually do like nerds. I find them more interesting than people who try to be cool. They always seem straightforward, nerds. You know what I mean? They’re not, they don’t play games.

Mr. Shovel: And you have no idea what’s happening in their basement.

Steve: That’s the point. Maybe I should start a patrol, a nerd patrol…basement and garages and just take credit cards to ‘em saying, “Do you need my credit card? What’re you doing, are you doing something? Here’s me credit card.”

Mr. Shovel: Oh, there’s guys like that, too. They’ll take your credit card.

Steve: Maybe I’ll do that. You have to have a Nerd Certificate, otherwise I’m not giving it to you. (inhales deeply) Ohhhh. One point six billion dollars, YouTube. MySpace. I think I heard MySpace have got the ‘ump and they’re suing Murdoch cos they sold MySpace too cheaply, like six hundred million dollars.

Mr. Shovel: They got the ‘ump.

Steve: They’ve go the ‘ump. Cos now, because of these other two little nerds got one point six, the Myspace nerds think that they sold themselves too cheaply and I think they’re suing. So what does that mean if it’s in stock, that means they can sell that stock though, right?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I’m not sure when, though.

Steve: Yeah?

Mr. Shovel: Not sure how long?

Steve: So there’s still a chance to be their pals then, before they actually make money.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, but you know…it’s like making friends with a guy who just won the lottery before he cashes in his ticket.

Steve: Right, right, right.

Mr. Shovel: I think he’s probably busy. Too busy for you.

Steve: Um, where are they from, these cats?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know.

Steve: Are they from…ah…Nerdomi? Is that near Ojai?

Mr. Shovel: (laughs)

Steve: (plays guitar and sings)

You nerds you will inherit the earth
with your knowledge with computers
and a lot of other things
that have a lot of buttons

Nerds and geeks you will inherit the earth
with your know-how
With your gigabytes and memory banks
you are the New Age for making lolly
Lots of lovely lolly

Oh nerds you are full of information yeah
where do you come from
Why do you all wear glasses
Is it because you’re looking at computer screens
all day long

Oh oh geeks versus the nerds
Who would win if they fought each other
or does it mean the same thing
Nerds geeks and nerds and
geeks and nerds

Why do you have your trousers so high
almost touching your nipples
and your buttons done up to the top
and pencils everywhere
Everywhere there’s a pencil and pens

Geeks and nerds
Pens and pencils
and trousers pulled up to your chests
and shoes oh

Or am I just talking about
the stereotypical nerds like the ones
in the silly movies
I wish I had your knowledge of computers

Yes yes yes yes yes.

October 9, 2006 - Fighters, Kidney Stones, Aliens, Australopithecusses....

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Three minutes after twelve bells on a cool day. It definitely feels like the heat has left the atmosphere in Southern California. Although, on Saturday I went to San Francisco. They had an air show (Fleet Week) there. They had all the military there and all the Blue Angels were there and millions of people, and it was warm up there.

I didn’t see the Blue Angels cos I don’t know when, what time…I went and had a nap around 3:00 but I could hear some (makes sound of jet) from the hotel room every now and again so maybe that was them.

But I did see this one plane come off a aircraft carrier (USS Nimitz) it was like something from outer space, it was so awesome. It was one of them kind of, like stealthy-looking planes (USAF F-22a Raptor?*) but it was like a newer one, it was like, made up of panels. It was out of this world and it was so loud and scary, but awesome at the same time, you know?

Just the technology. I’ve no idea cos I hadn’t, I’ve never been around…you only see it on the news, you know? Planes, bombing places. But to actually be right near one. And then he went right up in the air til he just disappeared, you know. He was like taking it for a spin. It was unbelievable. I can only imagine how scary it must be if you’re somewhere where you’re being bombed, you know what I mean? These planes just coming in and they’re so powerful and scary. And just to release bombs on the area, it must be just terrifying.

Oh, the power. Stand Ready. Stand Ready. Get ready to fight and rock and roll.














(* The USAF F-22a Raptor is stealthiest-looking. More so than the Navy's F16 Hornets that did take off from the carrier; on the other hand Raptors are apparently not built for carrier landings and they also belong to a different branch of the service and would not normally be on a Navy carrier. But Raptor did make an appearance at Fleet Week, it did a verrry vertical climb in the demonstration. Hmm. A mystery.)
~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: I was watching a science channel last night and they had a lot of things (about) where Man came from. And I’m thinking, over ten million years we’ve been around, started evolving…if we lasted another ten million years, are we gonna be different people then, too? You know what I mean? So we’re being that chain of change as men?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I’d say so.

Steve: So like, you had your Neanderthals, you had your other mob…

Mr. Shovel: Australopithecus.

Steve: …all that lot. And just think in another ten million years or whatever, there’ll probably be…a load more changes in the human. You know, we’ll have…what’re we called now?

Mr. Shovel: Homo Sapiens.

Steve: Is that what we’re called?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: So, yeah. In about ten million years it’ll probably be another five changes, probably. Bizarre, innit? To think that we’re always evolving. Cos we ain’t staying where we are now, just cos we’re here.

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: You know what I mean, it’s always evolving. Very interesting.

Mr. Shovel: We might end up looking like aliens.

Steve: Yeah. Well, that’s what…who knows? What you mean, like, the big eyes and the no-mouth and the ones that dissect people, you mean like them types?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. Like, maybe those are us…

Steve: Ahead of us…

Mr. Shovel: …highly evolved and figured out how to travel back in time.

Steve: Well that’s, well that’s what…could be, because you know, when you look at stars…we’re looking at ‘em a million years ahead, right. So that’s easily possible that could happen. (sighs) I know it’s a bit too much for the mind to boggle such magnificence, but it is possible. Only I can comprehend them kind of things, the magnificence of the universe.

There’s only a few who actually can keep up with me. Can you keep up with me Shovel, on that level?

Mr. Shovel: Whaddya mean?

Steve: See, see? Lost you already…gonna visit The Duke and hopefully when we come back I will be evolved five minutes ahead of where I was before I started talking about...mancheefrills.

Mr. Shovel: Your thumbs are getting smaller as we speak.

Steve: My eyes are getting bigger and my mouth is starting to disappear.
And I’m thinking what you’re thinking without you even knowing what I’m thinking…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Hey Mr. Kidney Stone by Steve Jones

I’m free of the kidney stones
I’m feeling mighty fine
And I know I’m on the mend
There ain’t no where I’d rather be

Thank you, old kidney stones
You have left my system
And I do appreciate ya
Getting out of my nuts

I didn’t need an operation
With my insurance card
Because it woulda took me to the cleaners
And I ain’t got no cleaners to go

I’m ready to go anywhere
Oh lord you saved me from
that magic carpet ride with my nuts
and I don’t have to
the kidney stones have left me

so thank you old kidney stones
you made your own way out
just by drinking a lot of water
and you have left
my nutsack

Some pillaged Bunker pics

What? You came here hoping to relive the kidney stone story! Please don't make me. Hey, look at these pics from the Indie website.

Steve and Mr. Shovel in Jonesy's Bunker during Gossip's visit.

Here they are at Rehearsals.com. This was a pretty cool place. They were sitting on couches all comfy for the interview. The overall ambiance was quite nice, I thought.

You can see part of the interview and some of Band of Horses' live performance from that day at the Rehearsals.com website, good quality it has.

Here is Steve playing with A Band of Horses. Pretty geetar.