No Steve today but Tina will be back soon.

The 2005 Bookmaze - this is not a great shot but it conveys the idea.

We are rather busy at the moment here in Wigtown with our annual Spring fair in the Booktown. The primary school converted into a venue for bookdealers from around the country, all the stalls having been set out last night. As my contribution to the used and second-hand book commerce festivities, I was involved in the construction of the bookmaze. Back breaking work it was too and the result is quite the bizarrest bookshop you could ever wish to visit. Piles of unwanted books - of which about 90% are ex academic library stock - have been aranged in a maze (albeit with many entrances) in the central square of Wigtown, Scotland's National booktown. A wooden receptacle labelled, "charity box" has been left by the sundial and the contents will be donated to the children's ward of Dumfries and Galloway Infirmary. If this blog is eclectic, then the contents of the bookmaze the range of titles on offer eg. are even more so!

Another component of a book fair like eg. The Edinburgh book festival or the Hay-on-Wye book festival is speakers. So today at 12. noon we have a talk by folklore scholar Dr. Lizanne Henderson on "The Witches of S.W. Scotland." I note from the blurb for the event that Dumfries and Galloway was one of the last areas to give up the belief in witches. A dangerous belief too considering how many were persecuted. Moving swiftly on.

The results of the 2005 Wigtown poetry competition are to be announced, this is Scotland's largest poetry competition. I see also that the popular Radio 4. invention Desert Island discs - premiss a famous personality gets to choose their 10 essential tracks - has been transplanted to Wigtown. Here the focus is not on music but on books. Ingrid Pitt who starred in Dr. Zhivago and quite a few British hammer films will be the castaway. She will lead us through the books that shaped her life. She of course also starred in that British cult classic and horror film, "the Wicker man." Which leads me on to the next part of my little resume of the Wigtown Spring Festival.












"Avellenau, bountiful Goddess of our orchards, accept our sacrifice and make our blossoms fruit."

CwA would like to say that true pagans and wiccans DO NOT practise human sacrifice.

Partly filmed in Galloway and Ayrshire at Culzean Castle (pronounced Kull ane Castle) and bedevilled of a curse, the Wicker man starred Britt Ekland and Count Dracula himself, Christopher Lee. Though the nude scenes - arse news basically if I recall - were of an Ekland double . This film was heavily cut for a US. audience so I understand when yesssss, good old EMI. got hold of it. Ow! But worse to come. Hollywood are at it again - this time remaking this film, setting it in the US. and adding a swarm of killer bees and Nicholas Cage and calling it "Wicker man". Well we will see but the central theme of this film is British Folklore as far as I can work out and not whatever the Hollywood dream factory cooks up.

So back to the festival. We will be treated to interviews with the cast and crew on the original shoot. There will be a follow-up talk on why the film has become such a cult. It's nearly April 30th and all good people in tune with nature on this side of the pond surely know now that it is that time again! Time for a fire festival.

So there will be a screening of the film down at the distillery. If that wasn't enough we will be re-enacting the pivotal event of it with our own burning of the Wickerman. In previous years we have had a massive bonfire here at the Byre but this year we will be down at Bladnoch. 1 mile away. Whence we will all celebrate Beltane. I will no doubt preserve my ravishing good looks hah! by washing my face in the May morning dew at 5.am. This is a tradition that I do not miss. Next bibliophile Festival news will be in September when we hold our 10 day Book Town Festival. This time the laser spotlight of this blog will be upon new books. But us lowly booksellers will still be selling the ole second-hand ones.

This has been the festive view from chriswasanon.

Arsenews.

None.

My song is done, I must be gone
I can no longer stay.
God bless us all both great and small
and wish us a gladsome May.

nb. for "God" insert any deity you wish here.

Chriswasanon

From Thursday 4/27 Commander Jones in Space

Welcome back to Chriswasanon, I feel as if I am in a time machine here with this one and what a finepost it was too. Tina completed it whilst the Book fair was on so only now can I give it some thought. But on reflection it needs none from me - so without any further chriswasanoness.

Here's the opening part from yesterday's show. Later, some Commander Jones
Tina

Tina IS at the controls well Steve is really but you must know what I mean by now so...

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. (pause) Do you hear that noise? That’s my chin on my harmonica. (scratchy noise) That’s the hair on my chinny chin chin scraping the harmonica. Isn’t that funny? Can you hear that? (continues scraping) The hairs of my chinny chin chin. What was that fairy tale that said that? The Three Bears.

Mr. Shovel: The Three Pigs

Steve: Three Pigs. Huff and puff and I’ll blow your house down, the Wolf said, right? Yeah. (strums guitar) Nice little fairy tale. Do you find that a lot of fairy tales and kid’s things have sexual…overtones?

Mr. Shovel: Like what?

Steve: Like, there was this one in England called, uh, I can’t remember it now. Of course. But there was a lot of ‘em; I think these jokers who came up with them were like having a laugh with themselves because they put these kind of weird names that kind of have sexual overtones in ‘em. I can’t remember what ones, but…anyway. Don’t you think it’s weird that in China and India, that they don’t want girls when they’re born. They want boys.

Mr. Shovel: Well, cos they’re only allowed to have one child, right?

Steve: Well, now they’ve done that thing where if, if they have one child they want it to be a boy and they get rid of girls. They remove ‘em.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, but what are those guys gonna do?

Steve: Dunno, I just think it’s weird that you would…that basically your…

Mr. Shovel: Well, I don’t think it’s much different than you know, back when everybody were farmers in America. They wanted sons, to run the farm.

Steve: Right, but that doesn’t, that doesn’t still go on now, does it?

Mr. Shovel: No, but I think it’s the same premise.

Steve: Yeah but…do you think that’s getting in the way of the ecosystem, I mean, whatever comes out is what it’s meant to be? You know what I mean? Like, if you have a boy, you have a boy. If you have a girl, you have a girl. It’s just the way it’s meant to be. It’s kind of like, humans again trying to play God.

Mr. Shovel: Well, limiting the amount of children a person can have, is also kind of messing with that. But what’s going to happen if there’s too many guys and not enough girls?

Steve: But that, that’s the problem. There seems to be, in them countries there are more girls that are born than, than guys in India and China, places like that.

Mr. Shovel: Really?

Steve: Apparently.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know about that.

Steve: (picking at the strings of his guitar) I don’t understand.

Mr. Shovel: If you had a kid, Steve, what would you want.

Steve: Umm…well, I think girls are probably easier. But then, you know, at least when they’re fifteen, sixteen, they’re not going to bring home some bloke like me, some undesirable Sex Pistol, you know. So at least you won’t have that headache. But guys seem like they’d be more work. Boys. I don’t know, because that’s probably not going to happen with me, so I look from afar at my friend’s families and that’s enough. You know what I mean? Think you’re ever gonna have a kid, Shovel? Do you ever think about it?

Mr. Shovel: Mm hmm.

Steve: (still strumming his guitar) What, you think about, or you want to have a kid?

Mr. Shovel: Both. A little Shovel.

Steve: Yeah. (they are silent for a few moments as Steve continues to play) I bought a new harmonica. It’s in “A”. But it still don’t work if you want to do that blues stuff. (blows into harmonica and plays some more to test them together) I don’t know…

Mr. Shovel: Take it back.

Steve: Yeah. They gimme the wrong one.

Mr. Shovel: It dud’n work.

Steve: It doesn’t work in “A” with the blues thing. (Plays them together for a few bars, stops) Oh, that is just, out of order.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe you need a different guitar.

Steve: (continues with guitar and harmonica) Where is that going to work? It’s got to work somewhere. It worked there. Oh, I don’t know. (?) to do something a bit more different. Before it, I wanna just say I’m gonna play a bunch of songs that have…I had a urge today to play, at least for the first hour, songs with “space” in it. You know I get my little periods where I play space songs and stuff like that and um, I’m in the mood cos it’s kind of overcast and it always reminds me of getting out of here and going somewhere, to another planet. So I figured I might as well play songs that at least have some words of “space” or weird noises before them or something. So that’s what I’m gonna do. But first I want to see if I can rock it a bit.

(plays guitar part from “Satellite” but makes up different melody for lyrics)

Space
keep truckin’
Space
We don’t want girls we just want boys
In the universe

No boys
Just girls
If I was God that’s what I’d have
Only girls with bubble butts

Who needs boys
They’re just fools
We don’t want boys in the space
Cos it ain’t no human race
We want girls alright

Girls are more hygienic
They don’t furp and bart and they don’t take baths
Girls
They shave their armpits
They like other girls
We like girls aw yeah

Girl sheeps
We like those girl sheep
We like cow tongues
And they like the girl sheep

Baboons
Female baboons
The ones with red asses
Nice round asses

Girl fishes
They have big eyes
And big eyelashes
To wink at all the other fishes

Whales
With big round asses
With all the plankton feeding off their asses
We like big whales
Female ones, that is
Alright

Rhinoceros
The have bubble butts
With big strong legs and calves
And skin like tires

Put some high heels on the rhinoceros
You can kiss my ass
big female rhino
Oh yeah


His rule extends from land to sea and sky. Today Commander Jones takes over the spaceship


(the first set of songs has ended. We now hear “The Blue Danube” playing in the b.g from 2001: A Space Odyssey)

Steve: (sounding like a combination of Hal-9000 and Mister Rogers) That’s right. Gliding along in this intergalactic highway. I see many moonbeams…starlights…Jumping Jack moondusts. Pieces of metal flying through the atmosphere. Oh look, I see a satellite. It has “Cingular One” written on the side of it. Yes. Things look familiar up here. It’s like “Star Wars”. (beeping from sputnik…or Steve’s cell phone?) As we glide through the black hole of Calcutta, there’s many moonbeams.

(suddenly) But who…who’s that? It’s Lemmy! I see Lemmy. Wave to him everybody. Yes. Let’s play a song for Lemmy. Oh, I know, let’s play “Stardust”…”Silver Machine”. Everyone say, “Hi!”. There he goes…bye-bye Lemmy. Oh, look. He’s holding a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Look down there. That’s our planet. Planet Earth. It looks so peaceful from up here. But little do you know what aggro goes on there.

(Mr. Shovel is at it again. With his help, Hal-9000 and other characters join in)

*Hal-9000: Yes. It’s puzzling.

Steve: Hal, can you be quiet for one minute? I’m trying to explain to all the boys and girls on the spaceship what our planet is like. Green, blue…white puffy clouds. But underneath all that, there are some horrible people that you must avoid at all costs.

*Hal-9000: Well, I don’t think there is any question about it. It can only be attributable to human error.

Steve: Exactly, Hal. How and and when and whom. (the music crescendos briefly) OH. We just went through a little… (music transitions and becomes very soft) oh, that’s better. A little rocky weather there. I think a meteorite went right over our heads.

*Lemmy: Hello, Sons of Bitches! Lemmy here. You’re listening to Steve Jones’ Jukebox on 103.1 and it serves you right. Ha ha.

Steve: Hi, Lemmy. I’m gonna play a song by you now. This song’s called “Silver Machine”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel! This is a rock and roll extravaganza. (sci-fi spaceship sound in b.g.) Don’t forget to take your LSD. That’s good, boys and girls. You’ll be tripping…

-----------

(The second set of songs has just finished playing, and we’re back to “The Blue Danube”)

Steve: Yes. You are listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox, live via his spaceship. Just twirling ‘round in the outer atmosphere. Looking back at Planet Earth and all the punters that are in there. That was Deep Purple from an album, “Machine Head” and that song was called, “Space Truckin”. Ian Gillen signed my cd, it says, “To Steve. Cheers, mate. Ian Gillen”. Then we had The Tornados and that was a version called, “Telstar”. Beautiful. Many moonbeams surrounds that tune. Wait, I think there’s some space gas coming, Mr. Shovel. Yes. That must have been a meteorite just hit the side of the space ship. Mmm. Yes. Definitely space gas.

*Hal-9000: Yes. It’s puzzling.

Steve: Yes, you’re telling me, Hal. It smells puzzling, too.

*Hal-9000: I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like this before.

Steve: Well, you didn’t see it. It’s the scent that’s the puzzling part. You sometimes wonder what Spaceman Jones has been eating up here in space. Hmmm. Then we had Hawkwind and that song was called, “Silver Machine”.

*Lemmy: Hello, Sons of Bitches!

Steve: Hi, Lemmy. Very good. I look down at Planet Earth and think, “Look at it from up here. So peaceful…it just goes ‘round and ‘round and it’s very blue, green and white puffy clouds. It’s a beautiful place. It’s just that some of the punters are not so nice.

*Hal-9000: Yes.

Steve: I think that…to sum up Planet Earth, it’s a horrible place with spells of wonderfulness. You do understand, don’t you, Hal?

*Hal-9000: It’s puzzling.

(the ship is assaulted again by a sharp blast of space gas)

Steve: You’re telling me, Hal. I guess we have to visit The Duke at some point. Someone has to pay for all this fuel we’re using up here.

*Hal-9000: Yes.

Steve: Okay, Hal. You take the reins. I’m going to relieve myself and put out some space poop into space.

(Audio bit of unknown origin from Mr. Shovel)

*Scientist: What was it? Somatic dispasia.(sp?) Self-induced inability of the nerves to transmit brain messages. In your language, “space fatigue”.

Steve: And thanks for listening.

-------------


(Set 3 is over. The “Blue Danube” continues)

Steve: You are listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. That was Lou Reed, from an album, “Transformer” and that song was called, “Satellite Of Love”. Before that, we had an Australian band called, Supernaut and that song was called, “Space Angel”. Then we had the king, the supreme ruler of all spaceness, Mr. David Bowie…and the Spiders From Epson and that song was called, “Star Man” from a wonderful album called, “Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars”. If you don’t have that album, you are fools and idiots and incompetent nincompoops. I command you to go and buy that right now. And before that was Brett Smiley, “Breathlessly Brett”. That song was called, “Space Ace”.

Hmm. I feel so much better after I relieved myself of space poop. Must’ve been something in that (?) that I et.

*Scientist: All of us up here suffer from the same disease to the same degree. It is to be expected. Man has never before lived in space.

Steve: So there you go, you have it right there from the man who sounds very intelligent. Space gas has different odors when in space.

*Astronaut: Much of this deadly radiation is escaping earth’s atmosphere and poisoning the distant reaches of outer space.

Steve: You do understand, don’t you? There’s many molecules in Jones Gas.

*Scientist 2: There’s a whole universe out there, Steve. The totally unknown, beyond anyone’s comprehension. We try to figure it out when we’re kids, but we never can.

(note here that Commander Jones is not in as sweet a mood as he was earlier)

Steve: Well, that’s because you’re fools and I am the Master.

*Astronaut: There are some men aboard who are not permitted to enjoy the food that you, eat, Corporal and unless you are anxious to share their diet, I’d advise you not to forget again.

*Corporal: I won’t, sir.

Steve: I’m not a corporal, you idiot. I am the supreme ruler in my spaceship. There is none higher than me. How dare you defy?

*Astronaut 3: Well, that’s about all there is to go. I hope the homing device works. I’d hate to have this land in the middle of the Sahara desert.

*Astronaut 4: Didn’t Steve have something to go?

*Astronaut 3: Oh, yes. Would you mind seeing if Steve’s material is ready yet?

Steve: We had BeBop Deluxe before that and that song was called, “Jet Silver and Dolls Of Venus”. Quite inticing name. And then we started off with Zolar X and that was some mumbo-jumbo that went into a song called, “Timeless”. All the mumbo-jumbo is irrelevant to different planetary, veterinary, vegetarian languages. You do understand – I believe you’re getting the point.

*Astronaut 5: They’ll be leaving day after tomorrow.

Steve: It’s about time, too. I’ve had enough of them mongrels. Mmmm. Should we visit land and visit, Mr. Shovel?

*Hal-9000: Well, I don’t think there is any question about it.

Steve: Let’s visit the Duke, Mister Shovel. Pull the stick shift over, we’re gonna lay down for five minutes, pay The Duke, and we’ll be back up.

*Astro guy: Soon the evacuation from a dead planet will begin. First the armies, then the civilians.

*Lemmy: Hello, Sons of Bitches!

-------------

(Fade in: Again our “Blue Danube” theme. Commander Jones has settled back down into calmness)

Steve: Mmmm. I had to change my space suit. There was too much gas in there. It was causing me discomfort but I have many suits, because I am the Master and Commander of the Ship and if you wish to take a ride on the Pontiff Gasseria all you have to do if pay me in gold bars. Gold is quite expensive right now, I hear. And oil. I found a way to run my spaceship on human gas. So you have to pay your own way. Make sure you have a lot of baked beans before you get on board and we will funnel it into the combustion chamber and we all will be laughing. Unfortunately, I’m getting low on Jonesy gasseria, so we’re only going to spin around up here for about another momentos. So I’m gonna keep rocking and rolling and you’ll keep enjoying. Let’s play something Mr. Shovel.


------------


(We are back from the last set of music and so is the “Blue Danube”)

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. That piece of noise was Alistair Riddle. Funny enough, I know his brother, Jimmy. That was from an album, “Space Horse” and that song was called, “Angel”. “Glitter From The Litter Bin” and that song was called, “The Flying Saucers Have Landed” by Paul St. John. Another two-bob merchant. Then we had Jobriath. “Lonely Planet Boy” album on (?) label. Morrissey’s label and that song was called, “Morning Starship”. Beautiful. Then The Tornados came around again and that bit of music was called…wait. I see something coming towards me is that Lemmy?

*Lemmy: : Hello, Sons of Bitches! Lemmy here. You’re listening to Steve Jones’ Jukebox on 103.1 and it serves you right. Ha ha.

Steve: Yes, thank you Lemmy. He’s still around. It’s not that big after all, out here in space. You go around once, and there they are again. It looks big from down in Planet Earth.

*Hal-9000: Yes. It’s puzzling.

Steve: It really is. Anyway, that song was called, “Life On Venus” by The Tornados. I’m starting to wind down now. We landing one more time, Shovel before we go down into the black hole? We’ll get some human gas for one more blast. Let’s visit The Duke. Thank you.

------------

(back from commercial)

Steve: (sounds tired) You’ve been listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie. Hmmm. I think I’m going to retire to the back of the spaceship now. I’ve fulfilled my jollies for two hours. I hope you all enjoyed your jollies, too. I’m going to leave you with an earth song. This is Roxy Music, doing a song called, “In Every Dream Home, A Heartache”. And I will be back tomorrow at twelve bells. Good bye.

(*denotes an recorded snippet that appeared courtesy of the wizardry of Mr. Shovel. He was busy this afternoon)

A Bit of Cheap Trick - From April 26, 2006

Chris has invited some guests over and I am not completely prepared! I have more of this interview to transcribe yet. I was able to tell which voice was Robin's but Steve didn't individually introduce everyone so I didn't have any way to differentiate between Bun E. or Tom. It was entertaining, though! (5/4)

Got some more done last night! (5/5)

We recieved an email from Daria that has given me some clues as to the identity of one of the speakers. Robin rarely spoke but he responded directly to something so I was able to make a note as to what his speaking voice is like. Rick at one point as you've seen, counted the number of people in the room. Five. There is a chance that he was counting Mr. Shovel, the show's producer in that number and maybe only three from CT were in the room. I say that because in seems that there are only 3 different CT voices, not four. It sounds like the same voice in each instance where I type "Tom or Bun E.". Is one of them more talkative? Is one of them more of the "silent type" personality?

Just adding a bit more to the section about living in L.A. Okay, Robin may have been doing more talking than I thought he did. The part where one of them talks about a big show in 1979 being the first concert where his father saw him sing? That is pretty much the voice (besides Rick's) that is heard most in the interview. It could still be Tom because he does sing some, right? I hafta go back to the beginning and re-listen to Robin's voice. Tina (5/8 6:22 AM)

(Back to you, Chris) OK. Arse news, I was planning on making up some badger news especially as I have every cause to fear this mammal apparently but for the time being lest we lose sight of a sudden of those twin cheeks of ecstasy I am going to stick with our winning format and give you today's arse news.

Arse news!

There is a little arse news today. Steve has changed his profile myspace picture to one of his bubble butt statuettes. We are await with baited buttocks some one to send in some arse (or news).

Chriswasanon

Tina IS at the controls


Rick: I’ve been writing stuff since I was a little kid. I still have, I still have every piece of paper from junior high school and high school…on backs of envelopes and stuff that I haven’t thrown away and I’ll go back and I’ll look at it and I’ll say, “Hey, you know, that was a good idea. I’m glad I didn’t throw it away.” But I…my wife says I’m very bad at the “F” word and…it’s not that “F” word - it’s “finish”. I have trouble finishing stuff and…now in the last two or three, four records we’ve been kind of co-writing everything. So, you know. On the newest record, “Rockford”, that’s coming out in, in June, I mean, it’s got all four of our names on every song. Whether who wrote more or less, it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re Cheap Trick. And so I mean, it’s like…some people say, “Why doesn’t Robin talk on stage?” Well, 1. because I’m a big mouth, 2. he’s there to sing and it’s like…for him to go up and talk and stuff, you know – save that great voice for that next note, you know, really.

Steve: Well they, I mean normally, singers are the ones that do the talking.

Rick: Normally singers are you know, rock stars. Robin is a rock star, but not in the, in the “bad” rock star kind of thing. He’s a famous guy that everybody knows, whether they know his name or not, you know…”Aren’t you the guy in Cheap Trick?” “Yeah” they say, “Oh, cool” you know. They always think that I’m the manager for the band or something, you know, if they don’t know us. Cos I can’t you know…I don’t look like I know anything so…but that’s alright by me, though.

Steve: But you guys have had a…

Rick: Pretty good career.

Steve: Good career. How long you been going. Thirty years?

Not Robin: Thirty years.

Rick: Thirty-three years.

Steve: Thirty-three years. And you’re still going strong.

Rick: Yeah…and…

Steve: It’s weird. Don’t you think it’s weird the way it’s all changed, the whole deal, though? It’s a whole different ballgame.

Rick: We, we don’t know how to dance, so you know we…

Steve: No dance moves, choregraphy?

Rick: No, but you know, like, like right now what’s…there’s a TV show called, “Sons and Daughters”, they’re using “Surrender” on that one. The TV show, “That Seventies Show” that’s us doing that seventies song we’ve been doing for it nine years, or whatever.

Not Rick: Colbert.

Rick: The Stephen Colbert Report on Comedy Central, that’s our song on there. Um…there’s always movies and plus, we’re putting out stuff…none of, none of the things we do are big, big, big huge thingies.

Not Rick or Robin: Nobody’s died yet and so we’re the same four guys…

Rick: Not until this radio show. (pause) Hey, Steve, good to see ya! (all laugh)

Steve: How are ya?

Rick: All right!

Steve: Should we go and visit the Duke? (British rhyming slang that translates into “paying the rent” – going to commercial) We’re here with Cheap Trick, we’ll be right back after these lovely messages. Thanks for listening.

________________


Steve: Why does everyone put L. A. down? I like it…

Rick: I don’t like L.A., uh, just because of the traffic, cos I’m used to the Midwest where it’s like, you know, I can get around…doesn’t take me an hour to get, you know, across the street.

Tom: I used to live out here. I liked it out here.

Rick: I like it. My son lives here, I’m…

Steve: Oh, now you like it here.

Rick: ...I spend more time out in L.A. than I do at home to tell you the truth, you know…from, know, usually from making…from all the records we’ve made. I mean, our second one, our third one, our forth one, uh…our fifth one was Budokhan, whatever…but you know, it was like, most of them were most of our records are done out here. From uh, working at One On One Studios and A&M and Cherokee and…(to his band mates) what are all the different places…

Tom or Bun E.: Record Plant.

Rick: Record Plant…Sound City…

Steve: Was that, was that…

Rick: The original Record Plant…

Steve: Does that…legend stand up to what it was back then? Was it like, one of the rock and roll sleazy places of all time?

Rick: Which one?

Steve: The Record Plant.

Tom or Bun E.: The Record Plant, yeah.

Rick: Yeah. That was cool.

Tom or Bun E.: Sure was.

Rick: Yeah. That was.

Tom or Bun E.: You could go down there and see, you know…on Third…naked women running all over the place and then, then…Peter Green sitting there, playing pinball…

Rick: Pinball machine…

Tom or Bun E.: you know, at the same time.

Rick: His brain, he thought was going – it was with the silver ball.

Tom or Bun E.: It was a circus.

Steve: That’s when it was on Third Street, right?

Rick: Third. Third, uh huh.

Steve: Then it moved. But when it, when it was there, in the Seventies, right…

Rick: Yeah.

Steve: when money was uh, flowing in the record business.

Rick: Yes…I met Susan St. James there. She was going out with Stephen Stills (hard to make out, multiple voices)

Tom or Bun E.: When Stephen Stills was there, he’d…he wouldn’t allow anyone else in the building.

Steve: Well, you didn’t have enough room for all the blow. There was no room for people.

Tom or Bun E.: Right and then he’d cater food every day and he just pretty much lived there…show old porno movies.

Rick: We’re from the Midwest…they just thought we were some of the “help”.

Steve: You see, there you go again. You’re putting yourself down again.

Not Rick: It’s true.

Rick: No, no – that’s how we got in. Oh hell, when we got in, we didn’t act like rock stars cos we didn’t know any. Did know how to act. We came out here, the biggest stars we met were Kim Fowley and Sparks.

Steve: Really?

Rick: Yeah. Ron and Russel Mael…

Tom or Bun E.: We got to know a few over the years, though.

Steve: Did you see “The Mayor Of Sunset Strip”?

Rick: Rodney? Bingenheimer?

Tom or Bun E.: The story they did on him?

Steve: Yeah, the documentary.

Rick: You know, right over…I think it’s called the, “Coach And Horses”…it used to be right next door to Flo and Eddie’s club.

Steve: Oh, yeah?

Rick: Yeah. I went to Flo and Eddie’s club in 1975 or something like that and Rodney was there. Rodney used to take me to…

(Steve belches)

Rick: to burp…

Steve: To Burbank.

Rick: To Burpbank, and ah, I introduced him to iced tea. He’d never had iced tea before.

Steve: (smartass) The singer?

Tom or Bun E.: (laughs)

Rick: (sarcastic) Yes, the singer.

Steve: Yes…?

Rick: No, REAL iced tea.

Steve: Ohhh. Drinking tea.

Rick: Drinking tea. Not, not that stuff you have in England, not…that, that hot stuff with the little cup.

Steve: Thai food. Broth buns. PG Tips…

Rick: Right up the street from Thoi Thai(?). But that was Rodney Bingenheimers…one of the first places I met him and it was Flo and Eddie’s club…

Steve: The Turtles!

Rick: The Turtles…we actually played…

Steve: (singing and Rick joins in with some la-las) Imagine me and you and you and me…(to Rick) you are the harmony maestro.

Rick: There we go. Well, my dad was an opera singer.

Steve: Do you know uhh…(trying to remember) Do you know…

Rick: Josh Groban? No.

Steve: Naomi…uh, no…

Rick: Campbell?

Steve: No. Um, Klaus Nomi.

Rick: Klaus Nomi? Yeah, sure, with a “K”.

Steve: What did you think of his voice?

Rick: (says something in what sounds like German)

Steve: It’s good, yah? Sign ze papers. He was doing the opera thing wasn’t he?

Rick: Yeah, he was ahead of Bjork and all that kind of stuff.

Tom or Bun E.: He was kind of Tiny Tim-ish.

Steve: Yeah.

Rick: He was a skinny, albino-looking…

Steve: Tulips…what was the song, the Tiny Tim song?

Rick: Tiptoe Through The Tulips.

Steve: Tiptoe Through The Tulips.

Rick: (sings) With me.

Steve: He reminds me of that bloke who went on to do all the cover songs, Tiny Tim. Weird Al.

Rick: Weird Al. He’s a fascinating guy. There’s not many people I know in the record business that are…last name is Yankovitz (sic)

Steve: I guess that’s a sign if you’ve really made it, if he does one of your songs, right?

Rick: Yeah. He never did one of ours.

Steve: Well there ya go, puttin’ yourself down again.

Rick: No, I’m just telling you the truth. The bastard never did one of our songs!

Steve: He didn’t do one of ours either.

Tom or Bun E.: We asked him to, a hundred times.

Steve: One of our fourteen songs. He never bleedin’…

Rick: (exclaiming) My God!!

Steve: What the hell…Jesus Christ.

Rick: I tell ya.

Steve: Let’s play some Babys.

Rick: All right.

Steve: You a big fan of (the) Babys?

Rick: Yeah, actually…19…this was 1979, the Forth of July…we did our first headline show of our own and it was Steve Dahl and Teenage Radiation was the opening band and Molly Hatchet – whooo, hello! – then the Babys, then AC DC, then Cheap Trick.

Steve: That’s a great bill.

Rick: It was a great bill. And after the show, I had Angus and Malcolm came over to my house…

?: My dad, that was the first time he ever came to see me sing was that show.

Steve: Really?

?: Yep. He sat in the back and drank all our beer. When we got back into the dressing room, it was gone. (general laughter) That was it.

Rick: Forty thousand people that was our big show…

Steve: Fourteen thousand…

Rick: Forty. For-ty. Four-zero.

Steve: That’s…that’s…

Rick: It was in Rockford, it was Winnebago…Pecatonica County Fairground…Winnebago County Fairgrounds, July 4, 1979. And somebody threw an M80 up at the stage when AC DC were up there and really hurt their roadie and it was…that was, that was the original lineup, that was with Bon Scott.

Steve: Bon Scott…right, yeah, yeah.

Rick: I took Bon Scott for his very first non-alcoholic meal at a Mexican…I got him Mexican food. He’d never had Mexican food before.

Steve: (smartass) Did you introduce him to iced tea?

Rick: (sarcastic laugh) Ha aha ha ha. Steve, I love your show, but I’ve gotta go. (general laughter)
____



________________


Steve: What is that when you get old? Everything closes in.

Tom or Bun E: It’s called, “Getting old”.

Rick: It’s the end of your…the end of your life is coming near and you figure, maybe if I don’t have to hurry it, I can be here a couple minutes longer.

Steve: Do you get weird…things have changed since you’ve got older, though?

Robin?: Sure. You feel more destructible. You’re not indestructible anymore.

Rick: It’s like every time I, you know, every time something hurts you think its…

Steve: No, but I mean, do you get panic attacks or

Rick: No, I really don’t.

Steve: …more feared up? You get more feared up right, about things.

Rick: I get afraid in small rooms like this, more so that I do in a, in a big crowd.

Steve: Did you used to? No?

Rick: No, I was never…I never had stage fright. I was ah, like I said, I’m afraid to walk in a room with you know, three or four people. Wait a minute…(counts) whew, there’s five in here. But um, I never had it. Robin, I think you, you always say you get…

Robin: I always, I still do.

Rick: he has like, jitters before we play and stuff like that but…and then airplanes. I just figure, well, the alternative…I don’t know what the alternative is.

Tom or Bun E.: You’ve got to get there. What are you gonna do? A couple valium and you’re alright, I guess.

Rick: Driving across…(laughs) driving across country? I mean, in 1975 we played out here…I bought a T-Bird out here in Santa Fe Springs. I had a buddy of mine drive it back. There’s no way I would have driven it back.

Steve: Really?

Rick: Yeah. A 1955 T-Bird, drove it back.

Steve: Well, it might not have made it, for one thing.

Rick: Well, that’s one of the reasons I didn’t drive it, but it did make it and I’ve still got it in my garage. Put 13,000 miles in 26 years on the thing. Really puttin’ the miles on it.
----------------

You can hear Jonesy's Jukebox with Steve Jones (of the Sex Pistols) on the radio in Los Angeles at 103.1 FM and live over the internet from 12-22 PM (Pacific) M-F, and one-hour rebroadcasts in the evening at 6 PM www.indie1031.fm, featuring old school rock and roll, glam, punk, the latest Indie music, strange novelty tunes and well...what ever he feels like playing, it runs the gamut. Lots of good guests, too.

April 25, 2006 Don’t want to go to Coachella

Welcome backski to an almost exclamation mark free chriswasanon. This is the part of the Internest where we - Floratina mostly but I too - look I have been known ok - give you the very best bits of Steve Jones, Indie 103.1 show, "Jonesy's Jukebox." I also veer wildly like a hyper active chipmunk from subject to subject.

It looks like the US. Festival season is underway cos Coachella Valley shindig is coming up fast. But Steve doesn't want to go. Let them get their feet all muddy. Not he. Ah but this is a sunny Cally festy isn't it, this aint no Glastonbury!

The simple fact of the matter is that there does seems to be a bit of a dearth of water in that neckski of California. Not like this quagmire in Somerset.More Glasto ebay silliness available here

Ponder the admixture of water and heavily tramped soil.

The chorus to The Hippotamus song by Michael Flanders and Donald Swann.

"Mud! Mud! Glorious mud!
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.
So, follow me, follow, down to the hollow,
And there let us wallow in glorious mud."

The festival site turned from hardpack to liquid fudge when the rain came down in 1982 as Richie Havens belted it out from the pyramid stage. Ooooh those lasers!

"1982- The first really wet year, with festival go-ers being greeted by the heaviest rainfall for 45 years on the Friday! Spirits were lifted by sets from U2, The Thompson Twins and Gong (who were dressed in silver foil “as androids”). Also on the bill: Richie Havens, Sad Café, Roy Harper, Van Morrison, Jackson Browne, Aswad, Judy Tzuke, Steel Pulse, John Cooper Clarke, Climax Blues Band, The Blues Band, Talisman, A Certain Ratio. Price = £8. Attendance = 25,000"

Oh whaaaaaaaat? 8 quid? for 3 days.

Ya and ok we thought that was very expensive ya. Last year 2005.

"Weekend tickets cost £125.00 plus £4.00 booking fee and £4.00 postage and packing."

Attendance (officially) 153,000

Excellent Glastonbury wicked wiki here.

That was the first laser Glastonbury show and it fair blew my mind. I am looking forward to Julien Temple's Glastonbury film someday.

That's enough festival news.

---->Arse news.<-----

Still no new arse news but we do have some old arse news kicking around somewhere. Frankly disappointed by your responses so far to our sincere requests for arses (or news).

Profile myspace pic news

Steve may effect another changeroo today. He may not. That was the view from the mud encrusted chriswasanon for today. Lets see what Steve and Shovel had to say yesterday.

chriswasanon.

Tina is at the controls!

April 25, 2006 Don’t want to go to Coachella

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Five after -four after twelve bells and it’s cold today. A bit nippy, and um…a funny ole day out. It’s a ‘neither here nor there’ kind of a day. Not buzzing with electrolytes, what do they call them things? Eons…neons? Them things that buzz around in the air…ions. That’s the one. That’s the one I’m looking for. Couldn’t feel any ions…when I walked out into the bad old world from my garage this morning, but I’m sure it can only get better. It’s only up. Ummmm, we got Cheap Trick tomorrow. That’s gonna be fun. Looking forward to that. Big fan of Cheap Trick. What else? Anything going on with you, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I’m gonna have to go get the ionizer and move it in here.

Steve: Yeah. We used to have one of them in here, didn’t we?

Mr. Shovel: That’s right.

Steve: What happened to that? Someone steal it? It disappeared like a lot of other things just disappear…

Mr. Shovel: It was liberated.

Steve: …in this poxy little room? I ain’t feeling any ions in here, either. (sings) Any old ions, any old ions, any any any old ions…” Oh, Mr. Shovel. What’s happening? Anything?

Mr. Shovel: All I can think about is Coachella right now.

Steve: You’re going there, right?

Mr. Shovel: Going.

Steve: Friday?

Mr. Shovel: Well, theoretically, uh…we’ll see about that.

Steve: Oh.

Mr. Shovel: Theoretically, I was planning on leaving Thursday night.

Steve: Really.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. I gotta get some funny shorts.

Steve: Um…Coachella. I’ve got no interest. You went last year didn’t you?

Mr. Shovel: Mmm hmm.

Steve: You enjoyed it.

Mr. Shovel: Mm hmm.

Steve: Did you have all the…this pass and that pass and was you looked after? Pretty painless for you?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Cos I can’t deal with uh…

Mr. Shovel: What, even what I had, you wouldn’t have liked.

Steve: It wasn’t…

Mr. Shovel: Because it involved standing.

Steve: Right…

Mr. Shovel: You know...

Steve: If it ain’t four pygmies carrying me around on a sedan chair, then I’m not interested.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. I didn’t get that level of pass.

Steve: Yeah. Then I have no need for uh, Coachella. Um, should I blow my horn?

Mr. Shovel: Please do.

(Steve plays his guitar and harmonica and sings)

Coachella you can shove it up your bum
I’d rather a Panatella
Sitting at home watching Fox Sports
In the sun

I tell ya
I have no need for a backstage pass
Oh no
Coachella I just have to tell ya
I’ve got no need for your rock and roll bands
in the sun

Give me a fruitella
Oh, I tell ya
Coachella
(to Mr. Shovel) What does that mean?

Mr. Shovel: It’s just a place…it’s a place.

Steve: Oh, it is?

Mr. Shovel: The Coachella Valley. What if they asked the Pistols to play and they paid you a lot of money?

(Steve continues singing)

If the Pistols play at Coachella
I’d need one million dollars for that gig
But they wouldn’t pay us a million dollars
because we only know fourteen songs
Do you know what I mean

They’re good songs, but
Coachella shove it up your
Elbow bella (?) yeah
You know what I’m talking about mister

Give it to me
(plays some more on the harmonica)


The end

How to recognise different types of trees from quite a long way away...

Welcome back to Chriswasanon on a frankly sunny and suspiciously delightful late April day. Now what is going on at Wilshire Towers? The same show has now been broadcast 4X now apparently, er the Sweet and Hoff show I think - check's Stuart's blog - another man who can BTW. Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs..Yerssss first aired on April 21st 2006 and repeated about 6 billion times since.

I think from what I can work out after being, "overwhelmed" by otherworldly forces last night is that the people did so want to hear Steve and Shovel duet on Rock and Roll. The unique whistle take. Une homage for le Led Zep, an utterly famous, entirely memorable song taken from the 4 Symbols elpee. Z0so or something. Or if not then Ian Gillan would have been sufficiente, Si? Si!

"Well it must have something to do with Aleister Crowley's influence at Boleskin house way up near Inverness, Scatland then." He said brightly. 'Course Jimmy Page owned that gaff didn't he? after the Great Beast six six six The Master Therion Aleister Crowley. Alright, alright so it is the slimmest of connections. (Too right son) But you all know now that I make this up as I go along AND you can tell can't you?

Spooky Boleskin house.

"It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled,
It’s been a long time since I did the stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
It’s been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Yes it has."

Pontifical myspace profile picture news

NONE. Actually there is some new profile picture news! What is this interesting gathering? Great pic. Damn but Stephen is so photogenic, it has to be said! There's Steve yes giving a thumbs up or a wank off gesture? Paul Cook and some lass in the middle.

Arse news.

Now a regular fries and coke feature! Arse according to Qiuz Glxy tastes like fried chicken. Mmmm. Tasty. Looks like the KFC Colonel Sanders is in the wrong business then. That's it for arse news - please send yours in. Not your arse - your news - well you can send in your arse if you wish but keep it snappy and sweet

How to recognize different types of tree from quite a long way away.

Voice Over

(and CAPTION:)
'NO. 1'
'THE LARCH'

Voice Over

The larch. The larch.
Voice Over

(and CAPTION:)
'AND NOW...NO. 1...THE LARCH...AND NOW...'



and now No. 1. The Larch, The Larch. and now No. 1. The Larch, The Larch and now...

Chriswasanon with a credit to the writers of Monty Python and the larch.

Is it Groundhog Day with the repeating and so forth.

This also from 4/21 - could this be a clue? Perhaps "it" has taken the studio over...

Tina and certainly not "it" is at the controls.

Mr. Shovel: We’ve got a big, major technical setup goin’ on here. I’m looking forward to it.

Steve: Yeah, look at that. All them knobs you can twiddle with. A lot of new gear. It’s starting to really look like a spaceship in here now. I’m excited. Do you get a helmet with that lot? Do you get a helmet? Any of that equipment?

Mr. Shovel: Well, we’ll look into it, Steve.

Steve: Okay. I want a helmet. Nice, big one.

(gasp)

Perhaps the ship got hijacked to the Planet GERD.

Next thrilling episode curse of the missing larch.

April 21. 2006 Seed the clouds...

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. Well now chums what has been happening since you lot were last here that we can fill ye thirsty maws with?

Cap’n Steve has given another load of land lubbers the push-off. Those Larry Lightweights never linger long. 10 former shipmates have gorn to the bottom. “Harrrh Harrrrh.” It’s Stevey Jones locker probly. To follow this up, Steve then threatened by way of a nasty proclamation to add NO ONE new to his myspace friends. Not a sausage. So nip in sharpish and keep him in your top 8 when you have...before the gates of Heaven are firmly barred agin ye.

Up to date Profile pic news.

T’was a simple guitar and an amp pic that replaced the well-loved one of Cookie's un clad arse and naughty bits on Steve's myspace. C’mon, whaddaya think I am, some kind of nut? That I religiously watch for Pontifical pictorial metamorphoses. Me? So now it’s tracksuitery and now...its that other one again.

Latest Arse News.

None.

Sorry there is no arse news today. Send some in! But then…of course you know. You understand.

Moany faced git news.

I was greatly heartened to read that Mcdonalds are closing 25 stores in the UK! The young here are beginning to associate Mcdonald's with "uncool" apparently. So that's a regular fries and a supersize Mcmiserable, please. The golden arches are becoming tarnished.

And now the bit you've all been waiting for..

But what has Tina set out for us today? Steve and Shovel may or may not be plotting on a new form of mind control to confuse LA. with some marmalising psyops energy. Stuff and nonsense. Watch the skies LA. Yeah right. Think paranoia paradise basically. Well it's always the day before a rainy day. Oh yes? It's teeming here tonight we are talking cats and dugs...so we are. I think it is utter nonsense and cac mor dubh to even speculate on the merest preposition of seeds in the clouds. In a word preposterous. See that criss-cross pattern of contrails in the blue yonder? They are just aireybuzzers making pretty fluffy stratospheric streaks. And these grown men carry on, I mean how can anybody...possibly in this the 21st Century after all believe in such a load of fuxxxx.ZZZZZZZZZZAAAAP.

You poor pitiful foolish protoplasmic Earth creature known as "cwa". It can finally be revealed to you that we ARE in control. Yes, it has been that alone that makes this biped of skin and bone (ie. cwa) sit by this lowly primitive communication device. Even when the Jones blog worked. My masters! (cwa has really lost it this time). Cwa's brain has been co opted and he now (this should be read out quite loud actually in a faltering metallic voice) “will- work- tirelessly for- a higher-cause- out- there- where- your –puny- pathetic- fossil- fuel- driven- craft- can- never- reach.”

To you it is only the "weather news" but to us...it is the beginning of the New Alien Century.

Chriswasanon.

Tina is at the controls!

April 21. 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a lovely Friday, about sixty-five degrees, maybe some rain later. Who knows?

Mr. Shovel: I’m guessing so cos yesterday I saw them seeding the clouds again.

Steve: What does that mean? Seeding?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Who?

Mr. Shovel: You ever look up at the sky and you see a crisscross pattern of vapor trails?

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Every time that happens, it rains after.

Steve: What is that, though Shovel? Is…that really like, chemical trails, whatever they call them. What is that? Is that like a real thing or…

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know for sure, I’m just saying, every time I see that, it rains the next day.

Steve: But they’re always up with them things. I thought it was just the smoke off of planes.

Mr. Shovel: In a crisscross grid over the city.

Steve: Do you think…oh who knows. Another conspiracy…

Mr. Shovel: Just raising speculation.

Steve: Conspiracy, conspiracy fears. It couldn’t just be possibly the exhaust from jets?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, that could be that, too.

Steve: But it’s probably mind control powder, more to the truth.

Mr. Shovel: Dummy powder.

Steve: That’s what I reckon. Sprayin’ L.A. – I’m the one who sprays L.A., not bleedin’ jet planes. Do you understand?

Mr. Shovel: Yes sir.

Steve: That’s correct.

----------

Steppin' up The flying saucers attack!

A Joint Tina and chriswasanon production from the Planet Zog.