Richard Strange 26th May 2006

This is the Alternative juke box jive blog for the Jonesy's Jukebox on www.indie103.1.fm/ TODAY RICHARD STRANGE!!! Stepping up, Perry Farrell.


Now enjoy.

Boredom buses outside Middlesbrough Town hall.

So whats we got for you today then, today? bloody hell it's nearly 3. in the morning here but I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

We got Richard Strange - no not Steve Strange's brother you fool! Kid Strange from the Doctor's of Madness. Richard Strange is in Los Angeles. He is here performing a "cult" William Burroughs penned play called the "Black Rider" now in it's eighth week. There's a classic Faustian angle on this plot - a bit like that old bluesman who sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads. Robert Johnston. I think this one involves bullets though. So if you aren't among the 50% who get pissed off, go see. Check the LA. whats on but please do not be asking your uncle bastard cwa the wheres and the whyfores and don't start jumping up and down at me when it pushes your crumple buttons, cos I live in bleedin' Scotland innit. Ok the Black Rider is at the Ahmanson theatre. Down-town L.A.

Richard cited that "banana" Velvet Underground album as being one of his major influences. The boys somehow got into a debate about the "ginger." gene. Personally I love ginger beer.

Richard gave out two urls.

www.richardstrange.com

and

www.doctorsofmadness.co.uk.

I liked the second one best - there is some fantastic archive material there.

He's got a myspace too.

Want that one?

http://www.myspace.com/richardkidstrange

Back to the interveiw. Now rather hilariously Steve took for himself the offering of a DVD of Doctor's of Madness stuff that Richard had brought into the sketch, the studio, the pad and was going to ding in as a prize for us. Oh yes and Richard did SING his tender love song to Cherie Blair. :-) I haven't transcribed THAT one - the lyrics are available elsewhere. Go seek and ye shall find.

You know what I've transcribed don't you? Yes it's that classic from Middlesbrough Town hall which according to www.sex-pistols.net took place on May 21st 1976. 30 years and 5 days ago to be precise - well some people have lonnnnnnnnnnng memories.

Chriswasanon IS at the controls.

Steve: How long was you guys together for Doctors of Madness?

Richard: Three years.

Steve: Three years.

Richard: 75-78 yeah.

Steve: Do you think you influenced any bands?

Richard: Of course we did.

Steve: Do you get people coming up saying, “you influenced me.”

Richard: There was a band in 1976, their agent phoned us up and said:

“Look we’ve got this band, they want to do an out of town gig,”

(You’re) one of the only bands who would put them on the bill with them. We were doing a gig in Middlesbrough (N.E. England) as I recall…

Steve: Nice.

Richard: And we said yeah ok. we’d heard of this band. They had a bit of a snotty reputation but we thought we’d give it a go. Called the “Sex Pistols,” don’t know if you ever heard of them?

Steve: (Brightly) Oh yes!

Richard: (Laughs).

Steve: Oh great!

Richard: So they were supporting us in Middlesbrough and we turned up to do our sound check and these four spotty kids were sitting in the auditorium waiting to get on and we did what rock bands always do when they headline, they dick around and keep the support band waiting there.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: And you know, these kids were sort of burping and farting and just being generally obnoxious and then they realised they needed to borrow some gear…um…

Steve: Monitors weren’t it?

Richard: Um monitors or something and we were being obnoxious as well...said:

“No you can’t use ‘em, can’t use them.”

So anyway they went on and of course they were rather fabulous in performance. Kids went wild and I was listening from the side of the stage and I was so jealous of you guys cos I thought, this is gonna end my career, this is something. This is something that is juuust it’s almost like what we do but it’s just pushed it on a little bit further and we’d been around for sort of two years then soooo.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: You know if you’re not brand new. Pop loves novelty. Pop loves it to be now and shiny and bright and brand new you know. If you’ve been around two years and pop, punk rock hadn’t even been given a name but you were sort of punk rock because, I had blue hair, I was Kid Strange we sang fast songs about you know livin’ in the city and stuff. But we weren’t “punk rock,” you guys came on and er…I was impressed and I was impressed by the way you worked the audience by seeming to be bored. But so I was depressed when we came off stage, we’d done quite a good gig but I noticed that twelve quid was missing.

Steve: Your jeans were lighter.

Richard: My jeans were lighter (mock indignant) by approximately twelve pounds sterling!

Steve: (Laughing)

Richard: Which in today’s money is about twenty five dollars. Er so that really put the kibosh (1). on what had been a really miserable evening. Funnily enough…

Steve: Didn’t I run into you and…

Richard: No, you still owe it to me but um…

Steve: I thought I made amends to you, I came into that smoke shop and made amends to you.

Richard: Oh you did come into a smoke shop that’s right, yeah. But thats twenty years later.

Steve: I’ll gladly give you another twenty five bucks again. I thought I’d…

Richard: It’s sort of well twenty five bucks is about a hundred and fifty now.

Steve: We’ve got visit the Duke we’ll be right back with this story, fanx for listenin’

Advertising break…

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesey’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1. (Sounds of guitars being tuned). We’re tunin’ up our axes. So where was we in that story?

Richard: We were in Middlesbrough town hall.

Steve: Middlesbrough town ‘all.

Richard: (Heavily) And you were about to repay an old debt! (Conversational again) And the funny thing was, I was doing a tv. Show in Germany about twenty years later and I had a driver who used to drive me from the airport to the television station every week and we were getting the summer off and I said to him:

“What do you do through the summer while we are not doing the show?”

He said:

(Cod German accent) "... I will be driving zer Sex Pistols in Chermany for the..." I think - did he call it a bank-snatch? No, er...reunion tour, sorry.

Steve: Yes.

Richard: Reunion tour and um..

Steve: Oh you’re good, you’re good!

Richard: (Laughing) I said to him oh um:

“Just let me write a little letter for Mr. Rotten.”

Steve: (Cod German accent) Let me sign ze papers.

Richard: Yeah. So I wrote a letter. Er oh dear, scribbled a note, I said:

“Dear Johnny I was recently wearing a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn for twenty four years – last worn in Middlesbrough and twelve pounds seems to be missing from the pocket. Do you by any chance know anything about it?”

Steve: He probably didn’t know.

Richard: So I give this to Ossie my driver and I said:

“Give this to Johnny or to one of the boys.”

Richard: And then at the end of the summer I came back and there he was waiting for me at the airport and I said:

“How was your summer?” and he said:

(German accent) Oh ja, very good.

I said ah I said:

“Did you see Johnny?”

He said:

“Ja he gave me this letter for you.”

I opened the letter and there was er crisp fifty dollar bill in there with a hand scrawled note by Mr. Lydon saying:

(Cockney accent) “Oh yeah I do remember something about that, I don’t think it was me who nicked the money but I hope this will cover it.”

Steve: Really?

Richard: Yeah.

Steve: Foolish man.

Richard: I told Malcolm McLaren about that later, he said , Malcolm said:

“I’m sure it was Jonesy who nicked the money that day. “

Steve: (Shouting ) “No it weren’t me Guv’nor!”

(Continuing) Not only did that ‘appen, I got ‘old of this American bird while you guys were on actually. She was a student. She was like slightly over-weight and I remember getting’ old of her like back stage. It was fantastic I was speedin’ it was like one of them things that was all magical.

General laughter from all present.

Richard: You make it sound so romantic, these rather tawdry stories of sexual intercourse Steve.

Steve: I am a sinner.

Richard: Oh you are a sinner.

Steve: I will go to hell.

Richard: We’re all sinners and oh yeah. All these stories by the way are in this rather fabulous book that I’m peddling here.

Steve: Yeah what is the name of book?

Richard: The book is called “Strange.” With the sub-title “Punks and drunks and flicks and kicks.” And it’s a memoir that I wrote when I was old enough to write a memoir. I hit the age of fifty about 3 years ago and thought, “now I’m old enough to write volume 1. of my memoir.”

End of transcription

Notes.

1 Kibosh. Unknown origin. “final straw” Possibly from Yiddish or more interestingly from the Irish, cie báis, “cap of death”.

Chriswasanon production

From May 23

Welcome back to Chriswasanon - special human powered cycle- Anarchist after-life issue. So Steve didn't show up for a day there but now he's back with Mr. Shovel.

I used to share a house in the mid -eighties with the former test pilot of Mike Burrows Windcheetah "speedy" recumbent bicycles. The lovely and hairy and bearded Andy Pegg. Monsieur Le Pegg when he wasn't windowcleaning around the houses with his ladders strapped to the side of his enormous sit-up-and-beg old Grandad bike,




A sit up and beg bike.

would be seen around in our small city riding one of these and sometimes with a racing fairing over it.



Psychedelic attire and a flag projecting from the yellow headrest helps here so that lorry drivers have full visibility. Andy Pegg in pink skin suit modelling recumbent.


Ride quality superb, you are low down in one of these so the ground just whizzes along beneath you. Noise- minimal. Murder on the calf muscles! WindCheetah designer Mike Burrows was of course the man who gave GB. our Gold medal at the Barcelona Olympics with Chris Boardman in 1994.

Prevent eyestrain by using a green font colour. After Pegg Pink and Yellow this is necessary. Well wasn't that a splendid Lemmy and Slim-Jim interview? The great thing is, we give you the chance to DO IT all over again in any colo(u)r you like! So now we got the bicycling maniacs out of the way - admit it, don't you want a speedy now you've seen one - lets ponder for one second, the after-life. Well, I think people have to have something to believe in, religions and cults and all sorts of rituals and superstitions are built around this very fact. So nobody has yet come back and said, so - doesn't mean it isn't impossible. Or that they have returned to incarnate as a cat or something...I keep an open mind...usually if people say that they are other than a human being I believe that they can't be in a legal state of mind. Let's see what Steve thinks...

CwA

Tina IS at the controls!

Steve: (belch) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. God, we actually started at twelve o’clock, Mr. Shovel. I think that’s the first time.

Mr. Shovel: I’m sorry. It was an accident.

Steve: Oh. It’s a gorgeous day out. Obviously you know that unless you’re living in the basement somewhere…in California, that is. It’s gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I was off yesterday, I guess some of you noticed. Some of you probably didn’t…and I was a bit under the weather but more than anything else, I was just burnt out, coming in here every day. I’m different than most normal people who can show up every day. I burn out. I’m not as strong as most of you working-class people. I’m weak in that department and I need to air my head every now and again. But all I know is, it’s gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous out there right now. I love it. The whole place changes when Summer kicks in. So weird, it rained yesterday. What a day to take off, it bleedin’ rains. It was nice yesterday evening, absolutely delightful. It was fantastic.

I can never figure out them guys on bicycles, they think they own the road. You ever notice that, Shovel? These guys have all the gear and all the colored shirts and the tight little pants and their helmets and the shoes…they think they own the road now. Like they own the right-of-way cos they’re on a bicycle or something? Cos they’ve got all the gear on, like they’re professionals or something? I don’t understand that.

Mr. Shovel: I think they do have the right-of-way.

Steve: They’re doing ten miles an hour. They’re in the middle of the bleedin’ road. What, what’s going on? And they get the ump if you want to get past ‘em. They get all like, upset. What’s the “way”(?) about? When I used to have a bicycle, I used to go on the, inside like, the edge of the road. Near the pavement, that’s like, where you drive. All the sudden, you’ve put some fancy poof’s outfit on, all of a sudden you’re allowed to go in the middle of the road whenever you feel like it?

Mr. Shovel: Well, that’s a different story, yeah. That’s no good.

Steve: It’s crazy. They’re lucky they don’t get smashed…rear ended.
Freddy…from Freddie and The Dreamers died the other day, suddenly. I don’t know what…I don’t know what he died of but you’ve heard me play him and of course I’ll put, do a little song for him, one of his hits. It’s too bad. I guess people die – he must have been seventy, maybe… sixty-five, seventy somewhere in that ballpark – not many people live past eighty, do they? Seems like the majority of people kind of croak it…between seventies and eighties. Not many people live to a hundred.

Mr. Shovel: More and more people are.

Steve: Starting to?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I wonder how long I’ll live to? Funny, innit. I love the way everyone’s got predictions and where you go after you die. No one knows but - you understand, NOBODY KNOWS. Some people are convinced that you go, your spirit leaves and goes into another spirit that comes back…how do you know? You don’t know. Why (are) people so sure of what happens when you die? What do you think happens, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know.

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know, just…that’s fine. You don’t know. You might think you know, but at the end of the day, you don’t know. “Oh, but I think that I’ve been in this place before.” “You look familiar. I must have met you in a past life.” “I swear I was a pirate in my old life, cos I like going on the ocean.” You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: When people have past life regressions, they’re never just average people.

Steve: No, they’re like you know, Adolph Hitler or Blackbeard or you know, bleedin’ Queen Elizabeth or Shakespeare. They’re not just some average Joe Blow. It’s always like some…

Mr. Shovel: “I used to clean out the latrines.”

Steve: Yeah. “I’ve been here somewhere before. This toilet looks familiar. I’m sure I’ve cleaned this in my past life.” FOOLS! Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine. (strums guitar)

It’s good to be back. My voice sounds weird, dunnit?

Mr. Shovel: A little bit. You’re still getting over that thing, that sickness you had.

Steve: Yes. No, I copped to it. I…wasn’t completely sick yesterday. I wanted a day off, simple as that. I’m not bleedin’ Ryan Seacrest, I’m not a robot. I burn out. I needed a day off. No denying that. But I was a bit sick Friday and Saturday. Let’s play a song for Freddy. Poor ol’ Freddy. I’m going to look on the internet when we get rockin’ and figure out how he died. Poor sod. This is for Freddy. He’s up there in rock and roll heaven with Sid and all the rest of ‘em. And this song is called, “You Were Made For Me”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
Steve: As I was talking about what happens when you die, I went on to say that, “Oh, there he goes. He’s going to meet Sid up in Heaven.” See, I’m falling for it, too. How do I know there’s a Heaven? I don’t.

Mr. Shovel: And how do you know Sid’s there?

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know. But then, you know, I caught myself out by saying as if I know he’s going to go somewhere where someone else is.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a pretty good image, though. Sid, the way we picture him onstage with Freddy doing his dance.

Steve: Yeah, and all the others, all the other musicians that are brown bread, too. It’s probably a Hall of Fame, up there actually, for dead people I would imagine. I wonder if they’re all sitting around, smoking cigarettes.

Mr. Shovel: I wonder if Sid showed up for it?

Steve: Oh, knowing Sid, he probably didn’t. He was crazy. I wonder if you get welcomed as you come up to the pearly gates…”Hello, Mr. Dreamer. Come right in. I’m sorry you had an early life. Come right in, sit over there, we’ll take your statistics and then we’ll evaluate you where your going to go after this. Just have a seat over there thank you.” And then you, you know, get his age, where he’s from. I think he was from Liverpool, I don’t know. “Okay, you’re going in that room over there. Enjoy yourself for the rest of eternity. You go over there with the other Liverpudlians and tell jokes and steal hubcaps. You’re gonna love it.” You know what I mean? As long as there’s a pie and mash shop wherever I go for eternity…if I knew that for a fact, I’d probably end it now and go there. Just kidding. I have more work to do, in this hell hole before I go.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s only Monday.

Steve: Yes, I have - Tuesday, actually – I have to spray L.A. with my intelligence, my outlook on life. Orange County…Malibu…Ventura Boulevard. You ARE listening to me, aren’t you? Yes, of course you are. Who else would you be listening to at 12:25. Ryan Seacrest, of course not. He’s an idiot, a fool, a jackabite and a robot. You don’t want him, you want me. You want intelligence. I’m so intelligent I don’t know what to do with myself. Don’t you agree Mr. Shovel? (bursts out laughing)

Mr. Shovel: It’s another great Jonesy (bit?) right there. (hard to make out over Steve’s laughter)

Steve: We’re gonna go visit The Duke. I don’t know why I keep bagging on that guy, he’s probably a nice guy, Mr. Seacrust. Crusty sea. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
(After the whistle, “The Age Of Aquarius” where Steve was expertly accompanied by Mr. Shovel on the melodica)

Steve: (New York accent) Yeah that’s right, was the dawning of “The Age Of Aquarius” by the Fifth Dimensions (sic). There’s a lot on dimensions in e-harmony. Compatible.

Mr. Shovel: Forty-three.

Steve: Forty-three dimensions. That’s the biggest load of nonsense under the sun. Do you understand?

Mr. Shovel: Could work.

Steve: It’s impossible. What do you write? What, you write down all your…

Mr. Shovel: Well, have you tried it, cos it’s…whatever you’re doing’s not working.

Steve: I’m not even…I don’t care if it’s not working. I’m happy not working in relationships. Why does everyone have to keep trying to have a relationship? It’s not for everyone. Just accept it. You’re gonna be a loner ‘til you die and then you’re gonna come back as a pirate in a past life. Like, what do you write down there, if you go to bleedin’ E-Harmony?:
“I like to eat a lot and I like to fart, I like to sleep. I don’t want to be disturbed, don’t move any of my stuff around in my house” um, what else? You write all that down…is that what you do, you write down a list of all the things…your kind of peeves and what you like doing?

Mr. Shovel: You write what you don’t like…

Steve: Yeah. And then…the other bird at the other end says, “Oh, I don’t mind a guy who farts, maybe I’ll give him a call.” Is that how it works?

Mr. Shovel: You can try that…

Steve: Something like that.

Mr. Shovel: See how that goes for ya.

Steve: Yeah. “Compatible”. Compatable, my ass.

Mr. Shovel: No, you’re supposed to say, “I like to take long walks on short beaches…”

Steve: Yes, "...and sit by fireplaces with a cup of Horlicks, staring at your face.” Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Fireplaces and sunsets. Roses and wine.

Steve: Moonlit walks. (U.S. accent) “I’ve very outgoing. I like to hike, I love animals.” (Sopranos accent) Get outta here! GET OUTTA HERE!! You ain’t gettin’ nothin’. Compatible my ass. Get outta here.

(and with that, they again launch into “The Age Of Aquarius”.)

~~~ ~~~

Joint Tina the transcriber and chriswasanon the riffer production.

Top 16

Hope that you are all enjoying the excellent Slim Jim Phantom and Lemmy interview that Tina has transcribed for your pleasure - I think there may be a bit more to come, or perhaps, she's keeping some of it back for Kick Down the Doors. Can never tell. Keep checking back.

The myspace top 8 Steve news - actually he's got one of them new fangled top 16 thingys now. Whoooo. "If I ain't in your top 16 you will be eliminated" - mayhap. And whilst his myspace avatar was Winstone, Steve's much treasured dog - it is now Bokassa. Full absorbing story here
" Princeps "




No Steve last night, so no nothing today.

World cup fever continues to grow with a flowering of Crosses of St George dahn sahf mate innit. The Scots will - I have to completely retract my previous statement - almost certainly be supporting any side but Beckham's lot during the coming competition in Germany. Realistic "Remember Bannockburn 1312" mode /on. A shame but there it is.

Still to come!!!

The exposé of the Women's Rural Institute.

CwA

May 19th 06 Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Welcome back to chriswasanon (unknown heavily preamble plagiarized edt)

--->COMPLETE!<--- Well as complete as it can be - the rest is off to www.cookandjones.co.uk and you can look under the transcriptions section when it's up and find it there.

Well what can I say about Lemmy? At school Lemmy noted that even having a guitar - never mind playing the bleedin' thing - was a powerful fanny magnet. A bedder of over 2,000 ladies by his estimation - presumably since electing to bass. A great man of the people from Anglesey, Lemmy, after a number of small bands became a Jimi Hendrix roadie and scored acid for the maestro. He progressed eventually to Galactic Group, Hawkwind with his distinctive bassing style. He then "moved on" (being into the wrong kind of drugs apparently). Billy Whizz I suppose? But instead of sitting around drinking herbal tea, he was mates with slot machines (one arm bandits etc.) and the Hell's Angels. He rode the path of excess and and filled his tank with yet more prodigious amounts of "refreshments".

He formed Mötorhead with Phil "Philthy animal" Taylor and guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke in 1975 after wisely listening to his manager's advice that the initial imaginative name of "Bastard" for the group was eminently unsuitable to receive air-time on Top of the Pops - or anywhere really. The band picked up quite a few of them old punker fans in the good? old days. Mötorhead - umlauted! - cracked it big time with the Ace of Spades album and single in 1980.

Well Mötorhead were always a bit too "out there," for main stream heavy metal rockers. Renegades we might say. They were more than a match for some of the punk bands at the time too and really had more in common with the Damned and the Pistols than with say, Judas Priest. Kris Needs in his amazing biog, "Needs Must" - which reads like a round up of every significant musical movement and shaker from his early days at punk fanzine Zig Zag onwards (just check it out) says about Mötorhead,

"all round top blokes."

The band have always had an honest approach to the rock business and their relationship between themselves and their crowds. There is a lengthy Lemmy discography out there. And I've gone on so much about Lemmy and Mötorhead that I've no time to EVEN summarise the second guest. It's Stray Cat stand-up drummer Slim Jim Phantom! Both sitting down with the Sire for you - so I'll just say sit back and enjoy yourselves and feast your eyes on this trio. The question IS, is it "Tomayto" or "tomahto." Whaddayathink? Glesca or Glasgow? Buckingum or Buckingham?

Tina IS at the controls!

May 19th Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox.

Lemmy: I’m not. (laughs)

Steve: Yes, you are.

Lemmy: All right.

Steve: Lemmy in the studio.

Lemmy: Sorry.

Steve: Hello, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Sorry everyone. Sorry Steve.

Steve: It’s okay. Mistakes happen.

Lemmy: That wasn’t a mistake, I’m just sorry.

Steve: And we have Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello. I was trying to listen to the show, but Lemmy wanted to play the new Motorhead record for me in the car.

Lemmy: So he couldn’t.

Steve: Well, he was excited. When’d you finish it, Lemmy?

Lemmy: About four days back.

Steve: Four days…past.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: Ago.

Lemmy: Ago, a-gone. Yes.

Slim Jim: So, did you say anything really good that we missed in the last twenty minutes?

Steve: Well, I said what an idiot you are.

Slim Jim: Oh, well. I didn’t miss anything, then.

Lemmy: (indecipherable – speaking under Slim Jim)

Steve: No, of course I would never say nothing bad about either of you. You know I had Bananarama in here yesterday, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Oh, yeah?

Steve: And one of ‘em fancied you.

Lemmy: No they didn’t. They were just saying that to be controversial.

Steve: I don’t think so.

Slim Jim: Which one?

Steve: …back in the day. The blonde one fancied you.

Lemmy: Well, I passed them in the BBC canteen on several occasions none of them ever said anything.

Steve: What, for “Top Of The Pops”?

Lemmy: Yeah, stuff like that.

Steve: You probably intimidated them.

Lemmy: Yeah, probably. Well, they intimidate me. There’s three of them, and they’re called Bananasomething you know, which is always very intimidating. I they’re used to Bananarama, what chance have I got? (all laugh)

Steve: Cucumberamarama.

Lemmy: Baby’s Armaramba. (more laughter)

Steve: Nightstickarabarama.

Lemmy: There ya go…cruiser.

Slim Jim: Are they still in town listening to this today, you think?

Steve: I think so. They’re going to Long Beach today. They’re just out here doing a…a...cd signing thing. Promotional tour, I think they call them.

Slim Jim: Chicks always got to do those kind of things…

Steve: Do you ever do stuff like that, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Yeah, we used to do it a lot. We do press, we have a block of press days every now and again in Europe, you know.

Steve: Do you think it makes a difference, all that stuff?

Lemmy: Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends if you get the right people to come out and interview you. You know, if you get like, a bunch of fanzines and they don’t cover a lot of people, you know - they’re equally good but they don’t cover a lot of people and the format doesn’t get around. But if you get in a couple of good nationals or something, that’s great you know. That will do something. Cos people don’t know you’re in town half the time. Cos the promoters don’t spend any money to advertise. They just stick up three posters a half a mile from the venue and that’s it. I remember in London, we played the…Town and Country. And you had one poster outside on a sandwich board outside the doors of the venue and you could already see it on the marquee, right…and then half mile away on a bridge, one poster. And I went right through the West End the night before – not a thing. Nothing. And we get in there and the guy had the nerve, he said, “You guys don’t sell tickets anymore, do ya?” (laughs) You know, brilliant. No radio spots, no posters…

Steve: Well, I did hear a lot of people did walk over that bridge.

Lemmy: Yeah, they did. Yeah. Thing is, they walk in to work and they walk back again at five o’clock before the show. (they laugh)

Steve: Yeah, I know. It ain’t…whatever. But you’re doin’ all right ain’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, I’m doing fine.

Steve: Got a new album out, four days old.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: What’s it called? “Kiss Of Death”.

Lemmy: That’s the working title, yeah, I think it’s probably going to be called that, yeah.

Steve: What label you guys on?

Lemmy: We’re on…over here we’re on Century.

Steve: Oh, yeah.

Lemmy: In Germany, we’re on SPV.

Steve: Well, what are you doing with this pelican?

Lemmy: Well, he hasn’t got anywhere to go see, so I took him on. He followed me around, so I kept him.

Slim Jim: Please. I’m the driver.

Lemmy: Yeah, he drives and he drums.

Steve: So, what is this then?

Slim Jim: Lemmy and I made a…

Lemmy: It’s about five years old, that. You’ve never seen it? For shame…

Slim Jim: …record that we’re just, finally releasing it.

Steve: They didn’t have any posters up for it.

Lemmy: No radio spots…

Slim Jim: Now we’re getting radio spots and our own posters. We’re sticking ‘em up ourselves.

Steve: Is there any bridges around here I can stick something up on?

Lemmy: I seen one, once. Burt Lancaster has one, I believe.

Steve: What, a bridge?

Lemmy: Yeah, but they knocked it down after he did that movie with Kirk Douglas, that was one. Didn’t see that?

Steve: No, what’s it called? “Bridge Over The River Kwai”?

Lemmy: I have no clue.

Slim Jim: “Bridges of Madison County”? (they laugh)

Lemmy: “Brides of Dracula’?

Slim Jim: Anyway, Lemmy and I made this record of all our favorite, favorite rockabilly stuff.

Lemmy: Mostly Buddy Holly, really.

Slim Jim: Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry and Johnny Cash and we’ve finally gotten around to finishing it and we did a DVD at Cat Club last year. We’re finally getting around to editing that, so we’re going to put it all out at once.

Steve: No Billy Fury, I see.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Well see, these people don’t know about Billy Fury because they’re Americans.

Steve: Well, he does, Slim Jim, doesn’t he?

Slim Jim: Sure.

Lemmy: Only peripherally.

Steve: You know what I started off with today…

Slim Jim: “Rock With The Cave Man”?

Steve: No. You were probably listening to your album, but I started off with Shakin Stevens, “This Old House”.

Lemmy: Right.

Slim Jim: Ahh. Good one.

Steve: Remember that? Did you ever used to go see him?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Slim Jim: He didn’t like us.

Lemmy: He was good, he was a good actor.

Steve: He was. I saw him loads of times.

Lemmy: Johnny Kidd and The Pirates. They were excellent. They were the best…that was the best rock singer England ever had, for me.

Steve: Yeah. He was brilliant.

Lemmy: Putting on a show you know…I mean, before strobes, he had this roadie who used to have a broomstick along all the light switches and do this…(all laugh) it was like a strobe light thing. Jesus. I used to carry their guitars in to Llandudno Pier to get in for free, you know? And then hide in the venue until they come on, you know. Mick Green, excellent.

Steve: He was a good guitar player.

Lemmy: They came back in the punk era, too. Right?

Slim Jim: Yeah, they toured with us in ’81, I think.

Lemmy: Yeah, they made a whole, a big comeback for a while.

Steve: Well, I liked that one song they did, “Someone’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight”.

Lemmy: That’s Vince and The Valients…that was Fleetwood Mac.

Steve: Right. That’s what I meant. That was Peter Green though?

Lemmy: Peter Green, yeah.

Slim Jim: Yeah, but Mick Green was The Pirates.

Steve: Oh, MICK Green. All these greens. Do you eat your greens?

Lemmy: Village green, see?

Steve: Yes. Society.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke. We’re here with Lemmy and…The Phantom and we’ll be right back and listen to some world premiere of a Motorhead album.

Lemmy: World premiere of the dirty, nasty Motorhead, you know?

Steve: “Kissing Death” is the working title. Will it stick? Throw it up the pole and see who jumps on the top of it.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.

Steve: Yesss. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Hello, sons of bitches!

Lemmy: Hello, sons of bitches!

Steve: You’re listening to…(pauses to listen to Lemmy who’s playing his guitar) Jonesy’s Jukebox, yes. Lemmy’s got a guitar in his hand, I’m tuning one and Slim Jim’s putting on some Brylcreem. (Lemmy is still playing in the background) Is that “Greensleeves”?

Lemmy: Used to be, before I screwed it up. Henry the Eighth wrote that you know, so they say.

Steve: He did, right?

Lemmy: So they say.

Steve: He was very talented, very talented, though.

Lemmy: (indecipherable)…some geezer working for him didn’t even nick that, you know.

Steve: Like Elvis.

Lemmy: There was no copyright laws in them days.

Steve: Exactly. He was the King. Whatever he said, went.

Lemmy: It’s good to be king, huh. I’m the eighth one.

Steve: Wouldn’t you like to have been Henry the Eighth?

Lemmy: No. Too fat. He had gout.

Slim Jim and Lemmy: (almost same time) He had a gammy leg. Eaaghh.

Steve: He had a gammy leg?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: I know he had gout. What actually is gout, from rich food, right?

Lemmy: Yeah. It’s the hardening of the arteries or something like that, I think. Bad circulation in the leg.

Steve: Red wine gives you gout as well. Port- no, port.

Lemmy: It’s good for your heart, though.

Steve: It is?

Lemmy: So they say. (Steve laughs) They’re probably lying, you know. It’s all lies.

Steve: It’s all lies.

Slim Jim: He got to chop their heads off if they bothered him, though.

Steve: Well, you know…

Slim Jim: No alimony.

Steve: I wish I could do that.

Lemmy: “Sire, he wants to die a rich man.”
“His wish is granted. Give him his bucket of gold and then strangle him.” (all laugh)

Steve: What track do you want to play on there?

Lemmy: Uh, play…track eleven is it, I think?

Steve: Eleven is “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of the Worm”

Steve: There’s no profanity, is there?

Lemmy: No.

Steve: Okay. We’ll get that cued up.

Lemmy: What do you care anyway? You’re about as profane as anybody I know.

Steve: I am profanity. I AM Profanity.

Lemmy: You are profanity, in person.

Steve: That’s a nice-sounding guitar.

Lemmy: (plays a bit of a melody) The great Stones song.

Steve: Hey what is that? Oh, Stones!

(They play and sing some of, “Tell Me” by the Rolling Stones)

Lemmy: Let’s play the other track on the album…

Steve: This is world premiere…

Lemmy: World preem…

Steve: of Henry the Eighth’s new album.

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s by Motorhead.

Steve: Entitled…

Slim Jim: Henry the Eightff.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Steve: “King of The Worm” is the track and the album is called…

Lemmy: “Kiss of Death”.

Steve: “Kiss of Death”, working title. World premiere. Take it away…


~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Can you do an English accent, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: Yeah..

Steve: Go on.

Slim Jim: Certainly

Lemmy: Certainly.

Steve: So, where’d you get your Brylcreem from?

Slim Jim: (English accent) Down at chemist’s. King’s Road.

Steve: Nice.

Lemmy: Yeah. Lovely.

Slim Jim: Right at Bofer (?) Street, where they meet.

Steve: Yeah. That’s not bad. Keep going.

Lemmy: (?)

Steve: Go on, carry on you’ve got a couple more seconds.

Slim Jim: What’d you want?

Steve: What you want?

Lemmy: What ya want?

Steve: (broad U.S. accent) Excuse me, Slim Jim?

Lemmy: Say what?

Slim Jim: Pardon?

Steve: Yeah, you talk to me in English and I’ll talk to you in American. Let’s have a conversation.

Slim Jim: All right.

Lemmy: I’ll speak in the middle of it now and again, in Welsh. How’s that?

Steve: Okay. Slim Jim, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Slim Jim: Fry up.

Lemmy: (? Sounds like “a dell”)

Steve: What is a “fry up”, Slim Jim? Can you explain?

Slim Jim: Egg, ?, sauce, mushy peasios, tommos, bread slicios,

Steve: That is a terrible English accent.

Lemmy: Yeah, that was terrible, that part. You could have run away with it there.

Steve: (continuing with U.S. accent) You disappointed me, Slim Jim.

Slim Jim: I don’t want to be English.

Steve: I’m staying with it.

Slim Jim: Sorry…sorry, pardon?

Steve: Is that the end?

Slim Jim: I don’t know…

Steve: I’d really like to get to know you, Slim Jim. But you’re making it very difficult for me.

Lemmy: I want you to know this most sincerely.

Slim Jim: How come when English guys do American, they always do that Wink Martindale, game show,”You’ve won a Cadillac and a new, second-hand fridge!!”

Lemmy: That’s what you hear on the TV adverts all the time, all day and night, innit?

Steve: Exactly. Cos when you’re in England, they even…they’re used to watch all them…

Lemmy: (U.S. accent) “When you drive a Saturn, you’re really driving.”

Slim Jim: And everyone thinks that the British are like Terry Thomas or…

Steve: Yeah, and there’s one post office.

Lemmy: Terry Thomas was wonderful. Nobody in America ever heard of him…he was excellent.

Steve: Died a poor man.

Lemmy: Yeah, I know.

Steve: But he was brilliant.

Lemmy: But he grew his (?) so it wasn’t all bad.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: It’s the butler from Batman, Terry Thomas or The Beatles, everyone thinks that…

Steve: Or horse and cart, still…and, “Excuse me, do you know Ron? He lives in England somewhere.”

Lemmy: And Jane Seymour.

Steve: “Ron. He lives somewhere in England, you must know him!”

Slim Jim: “Over there in England…”

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s real small over there, right? Everybody knows everybody else.

Steve: Cobblestones and pork pies…

Slim Jim: It’s raining all the time and it’s got a lot of fog.

(some phonetic spellings of intentionally mispronounced words up ahead)

Lemmy: “Glousesstershire”.

Steve: “Is that anywhere near Ly-ishester Square?”

Slim Jim: They drink warm beer and it’s foggy all the time.

Steve: “I believe the river THAYmes is having a flood”

Lemmy: They say “Kilmeister” to me.

Steve: Who?

Lemmy: “Kilmeister”. I mean, why would you do that. It’s obviously “Kilmister”, you know…

Steve: “Westmeinster”.

Lemmy: They have to change something in the word to make it American, like…

Steve: Well, no they…that’s how it’s, if you look at it…they say it how it looks on paper.

Lemmy: No, if it was “MYster” it would be “mei”. It’s just “mi”.

Steve: Like “THAYmes” actually looks like “THAYmes”.

Lemmy: Yeah but, Kilmister don’t. It’s just “mi”…it’s not “mei”. It’s just Kilmister. You know.

Steve: I mean, “CIA”…

Lemmy: I want to just say, to the Southern Californian audience, my name is Kilmister, not “Kilmeister”, thank you. That’s all from today’s Names Bulletin.

Slim Jim: But what the British don’t get is that the minute…

Lemmy: And it’s not “Fraysier”, either. My middle name is Fraser, okay? Jesus. Like Frankie…

Steve: Yeah, Frankie Fraser. He was a nice chap.

Lemmy: No he wasn’t.

Steve: I know, that’s what I’m talking about.

Lemmy: Very, very (?)

Steve: I know.

Lemmy: Stitched people’s legs together.

Steve: I knocked him out, once. He’s nothing.

Lemmy: Right, yeah…

Steve: Lightweight.

Lemmy: What, swung your guitar around and he was in the way…

Steve: I just stared at him and he melted.

Lemmy: Oh, give him a nasty staring, yeah…(laughs)

Steve: What was you gonna say, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: That the British don’t get that if they point out that you’re saying it wrong, any Americans, especially New Yorkers, will just say it wrong on purpose from then on out.

Steve: Oh, rully?

Lemmy: Is that right?

Slim Jim: I remember getting into almost a riot cos I kept saying, “Thank you, Eedenburg”.

Steve: What is “Eedenburg”?

Slim Jim: I think you guys say, “Edinbruh”

Steve: Oh, Edinburgh.

Lemmy: “Edinberg”, yes. “Edinburrow”

Slim Jim: I just kept saying “Eedenburg” at the gig and they were getting very upset.

Lemmy: “Edinburrow”. “Edinburrow”. And “GlasCOW”.

Slim Jim: “GlasCOW”

Lemmy: Like “MosCOW”.

Steve: See, see, cos American people are saying it how they see it. “MosCOW’. It looks like “MosCOW”.

Lemmy: Yeah, it does.

Steve: We say “MosCOH” for whatever…God knows why.

Lemmy: It still looks like Kilmister.

Steve: “Ly-shesster”!

Lemmy: “Ly-sesstershire”

Steve: (loud, in U.S. accent) “Excuse me, young Cockney man, can you point me in the direction of Lyshesster Square, please thank you?

Slim Jim: (cockney accent) All right, darling!

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke, we’ll be right back. We’re here with Lemmy and Slim Jim…Phantommmm.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with my guest Lemmy…

Lemmy: Hello children, hello.

Steve: Hello, boys and girls.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Lemmy: (? sounds like Uncle Wasser) over there.

Steve: And Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Steve: Do you still frequent the Rainbow, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Oh, yes. I have been known to.

Slim Jim: Only when it’s open.

Lemmy: Only when they’re open, yes. Because otherwise it’s so dead…you know.

Steve: I told the Banarama birds that, if you wanna find you, that that’s probably where you’ll be.

Lemmy: See, she was just saying that to be like, one of the lads, you know. (all laugh)

Steve: No, I think they really, back in the day, that blonde one fancied you. You know she mentioned as well, was that other girl you used to knock about with, Ilene of Irene…

Lemmy: Motorcycle Irene.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Tell us about Motorcycle Irene.

Lemmy: Oh, she was great. She ended up with Steve Zodiac out of…

Slim Jim: Zodiac Mindwarp?

Lemmy: No no. Steve Zodiac, the singer out of some heavy metal band. I forget what, I honestly forgot the name, but anyway she was with Philthy for a bit, you know.

Steve: I had, I had little a sample of…

Lemmy: She gave him the name “Philthy”.

Steve: I think she gave me gonorrhea.

Lemmy: Probably.

Slim Jim: Really?

Steve: Yes.

Lemmy: Probably served you right, anyway, you know.

Steve: I probably asked for it.

Lemmy: Yeah, tomcatting about the place.

Slim Jim: Might as well just have slept with Philthy and cut out the middleman.

Lemmy: With your white vest on and the hankie on your head, Jesus Christ.

Steve: You was, you mentioned earlier that you did, you played a lot with them School Girls, right.

Lemmy: Girl’s School.

Steve: Girl’s School.

Lemmy: I played with school girls but not in the same thing, you know.

Steve: Right. Did you ever have it off with any of them while you were working with them?

Lemmy: I must admit yes, two of ‘em.

Steve: Hmmm.

Lemmy: Not at the same time, you know. I mean one has to draw the line somewhere.

Steve: Yes. One has some morals.

Lemmy: (?) two, though. That would be a breach of etiquette.

Slim Jim: They did “Top Of The Pops” with you guys. Girl’s School and Motorhead.

Steve: Breach of a contract.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Petticoat?

Lemmy: You remember etiquette, don’t you Steve?

Steve: Etticoat Lane.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Oh, etiquette.

Lemmy: You know, what you put over a bed to keep the sheets clean.

Steve: I’ll show you etiquette…(pauses to lift bum to microphone, farts) there’s etiquette.

Lemmy: That wasn’t etiquette.

Steve: What was that?

Lemmy: That was a mouse dying.

Steve: That was, you can tell I’m a virgin though, couldn’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, right. It was small, wunnit?

Steve: (German accent) Gudenteiten.

Lemmy: That was just like Frankie (? Sounds like allard) then, you’d better watch out.

Steve: (laughs) Do you know the German word for virgin?

Lemmy: Virgin.

Steve: No. What’s the German word…

Lemmy: Yeah, isn’t it “virgin”, the same?

Steve: No.

(it appears that here that someone has said a naughty word. The conversation jumps to Steve singing a little fanfare)

Slim Jim: I am so happy that I could elicit that response.

Steve: I did that yesterday too. I haven’t done that in two years. It was crazy. Well the German word for virgin is “Gudenteiten”.

Lemmy: Oh…yeah?

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Wooden what?

Steve: Gudenteiten!

Slim Jim: Oh.

Steve: Don’t you get it?

Slim Jim: (laughs). Wheee.

Steve: Never mind.

Lemmy: You know, it wasn’t that great.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This interview can be read in its entirety at Kick Down The Doors, the Paul Cook 'n' Steve Jones Site at www.Sex-Pistols.net. Here is a link: http://www.cookandjones.co.uk/jukebox_transcription_index.htm