I'm on some piece of godawful shite monitor at the moment, it looks like a fourteeen incher...oh missus...I have to scroll along way to see the edge of the page. Well getting stuck into the Lydon Jones interview this afternoon UK time...that really was a fine piece of radio, weren't it and maybe if we have room we can put one more little slice on the ole chriswasanon for your edification and enjoyment and general thrills. That's enough blog...oh and speaking of thrills, the mancheefrills, Tina has worked away at her keyboard to bring you another generous serving of Shovel and Steve. Steve and Shovel, so take it away Mr. Steve...and Mr. Shovel.
This one went out on Indie and the OC and across the Internet sometime in January of 2006. I'm a bit vague about exact dates your hono(u)r.
Mancheefrills Plus January 2006
Steve: Do you think vitamins work, or that's a whole 'nother scam?
Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I think you know, the right ones, good ones, taken the right way...
Steve: You don't think it's placebo, a lot of it?
Mr. Shovel: Well, you see the color of your pee change, right? Something's going on.
Steve: Well, that definitely does that, but I think the multi vitamins, one for all day...
Mr. Shovel: I think it's probably important. Not that I'm Mr. Healthy but you know...
Steve: Do you take vitamins?
Mr. Shovel: Yes I do, because a lot of the times the food that I eat doesn't have
any you know...enough nutritional value.
Steve: Like that Herbalife guy, he made a bundle didn't he? From selling bloody vitamins. I think I should have a vitamin company. What could we call it?
Mr. Shovel: Ummm, "No-Knackered".
Steve: Anti-Knackered pills. Um...not 'herbal'…”Hemp Life”. No, umm..."Pie And Mash Vitamins"...maybe...no that don't have a good ring to it. What about uh...
Mr. Shovel: Phantasm.
Steve: Yeah, "Get your bottle of Phantasm"...that's got a certain ring to it...
Mr. Shovel: Mancheefrills!
Steve: Mancheefrills, just one word...?
Mr. Shovel: Mancheefrill Pills.
Steve: Yeah, "Mancheefrill Pills". Mancheefrill PLUS! There ya go. That is it.
Mr. Shovel: And then you could have, Womancheefrills.
Steve: Yep. wo-MANcheefrills. Plus.
Mr. Shovel: With extra iron.
Steve: With extra uh...with extra things in it, yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Why don't I do that, Shovel?
Mr. Shovel: Yep, right after we do my line of couture wear.
Steve: Yep, yep...talk about couture, ain’t we waiting for the lineup for the, couture, what’s that place called?
Mr. Shovel: Coachella.
Steve: Coachella. Close enough. Does anyone know who the lineup is yet?
Mr. Shovel: Coming soon.
Steve: I hope Roxy Music. That was the word, but I can’t see it really, you know. I just don’t see it. (does a run on his guitar) I just don’t see it. Maybe I should write a song. Should I write a song about vitamins?
Mr. Shovel: Yeah.
Steve: Alright. (starts plucking the “A” string) A….A…
Mr. Shovel: Vitamin A
Steve: Exactly. You’ve got all the vitamins on the strings – that is it, Shovel!
Vitamin D (plucks D string) vitamin D…higher vitamin D…(goes to another string) vitamin G…oh, there ain’t a vitamin G, is there?
Mr. Shovel: Well, we oughta make one then.
Steve: New! The “New” G. This one is approved by the uh, who’s that bloke who wears the dickie bow tie? The guy, when you get something approved by the UDA…
Mr. Shovel: Oh yeah, Coop…Everett Coop, C. Coop Everett?
Steve: Yeah, that geezer. There’s definitely a vitamin B (plucks string)
Mancheefrills Plus Part 2
Steve: Have you been concocting it up over there?
Mr. Shovel: Yeah.
Steve: Is that the finished result?
Mr. Shovel: Yes. As a matter of fact, I have the first batch right here.
Steve: Let me have one right now. This is it? (plucks a few disjointed notes on guitar) That's how I'm feeling. Let me take one of these pills. Do you have some water?
Mr. Shovel: Got a lot of corn starch...cellulose gel, you've gotta get some of that in there, keep it all together. Hyraprophyl cellulose.
Steve: Okay, I just swallowed one of those. Let's see what happens now. (strums a harmonious chord) Much better.
Steve: (starts to play a bit on his guitar) Oh. That's not good, is it...
Mr. Shovel: I'm gonna have to add some more polyethylene glycol.
Steve: That is good. I went to the outer Hebrides to get that from a donkey's mancheefrill (?) . That's a...you've got to get these rare things from animals, like from a monkey's eyelash to put that in there. That makes it good and (?)
Mr. Shovel: For your manhood.
Steve: Yeah. It helps if you get that rare stuff from some jungle somewhere from some pygmy's toenail...and you grind it up...and you will live an extra five years and you'll be stiff as a board, for about another five years. Or you can uh...you can just go to hell. I don't want you to buy my bloody Mancheefrill Plus. It's all for me. That's what makes me laugh. If it works...you know like, you get these TV things, the guy's telling you how to make money...you know "If you just buy my cd's and books, you too can be standing next to a Ferrari in Hawaii." Now, if that was the case, wouldn't that geezer keep it all to himself? Obviously he ain't making money so he's trying to get you to buy his bloody books to make HIS money.
Mr. Shovel: Well, what the book says is, "Here's my secret. You get a TV commercial and you ask people to send you money for your book."
Steve: Yeah. That is a jest.
I have ways to make you bundles
of Cod's Roe
All you've gotta do now
is buy my bleedin' book
I'll give you the secrets
and you'll be (?)
you too can be in Hawaii
standing next to a Ferrari
(that he rented for a day when he took the photos)
Yes you too can be a loser
and buy his books and cds
there is no secret
you've just got to be a lucky sod
and play the lottery
like you or me
and also don't forget the crumpet
in the bathing suits
on the speedboat
going across the ocean
and yes he looks so happy
'cause he's flogging you a load of bollocks
oh oh The Swindle continues
you just can't help it
you gotta do what you can
to meet the man
don't forget to pay Uncle Sam
or you will be knobbled
yes you will be knobbled by the man
Note that a (?) in the transcription indicates that there was something indistinct there, we do gets them ya know.
A joint Tina 'n' chriswasanon production. Tina transcribed, chriswasanon did the preamble.
Steppin' up, I don't rightly know my dears but I will say bookmark us!!!! link to us and come back often.