Wednesday, May 10, 2006

From Tuesday, May 9

Welcome back to chriswasanon a blog of allsorts for all.

I've had one of those sorts of days today. Niiiiiiiiiiice. The cracking weather continues and on the way to visit empty church at Beeswing, carpets of bluebells, wild garlic with white flowers and purple to pink campion and just hoards of yellow dandelions. Looks like I shall be making some dandelion wine, not quite Alox Corton 69 but a cheeky little number and gets you there eventually.

Beeswing Church - offers over £80,000.

The Kirk er church was built in 1868 but it needs a lot of steeplework and neither I nor my prospective outlaw buyers (could be in-laws but I ain't married) have a spare 30 grand or more to fix it up. Planning regulations sound a leetle complicated. This is not a begging blog. But the place wasn't spooky, comes with it's own bats in the belfry and vestments in the vestry. Plus a great stained glass window and a pulpit. Would make an ideal summer residence for a Pontiff possibly although one drawback may be the absence of a confessional as the denomination is Church of Scotland. No need to worry about deconsecration before use as this church don't do that. Ideal 2nd. home so long as it stayed fine. Look this is Alba ok. We don't have months and months of gorgeous sunshine - so when we do it sort of makes the news.

Afterwards the usual fossick round thrift shops er charity shops and then home. Ah so. That is the cricket cola Tina - see yesterday's post.

So the myspace news - yes Steve where did you put that bowflex. Yay!

That is some punk rawk bird of paradise sporting a God Save the Queen tee and I think that no exotic avians were harmed in the making of that. Photoshoppe? You can find the punk parakeet or something on Steve's comments page. It's done up with a dog collar next to Sid in his swastika shreddies! A good LOL moment there. For all your extraneous Pontifical perquisites.

Ok. Lets get to the fun part. Tina has got a fresher than fresh hawter than 'ot piece of transcription for you to enjoy. Tuesday's show - damn and it's Wednesday today. Lets make like iced tea with a lemon slice. Cooooool.


Tina IS at the controls

Steve: (Steve strums his guitar the whole time, nice background music) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. On a lovely, dark Tuesday. Dark Tuesday. It sounds like a title for a movie, dunnit? (like a voiceover for a movie trailer) “It was Dark Tuesday. When the Gods descended upon Los Angeles…and the virus got out. But there was one man who could save Los Angeles. And that man was Jonesy. Dark Tuesday. In all major cinemas.” Yess. Dark Tuesday…

Mr. Shovel: Sounds like the “Omega Man”.

Steve: Yes, “The Omega Man: Dark Tuesday”. (laughs) What’s “The Omega Man”?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a…Charlton Heston.

Steve: Oh.

Mr. Shovel: Los Angeles. Everybody’s…dead.

Steve: Is that like Quinn Martin?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Close enough, right? One of them blokes. "A Quinn Martin Production". “Omega Man”. Omega, that’s something you have in vitamins, innit? Omega 3 and they put that in the…

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, maybe.

Steve: Don’t they put that in um…what’s that, flax seed oil, innit? And the have it in, they have it in healthy cereal as well.

Mr. Shovel: I think it’s the last letter in the Greek alphabet. Of course, what do I know?

Steve: It’s not 'zed'?

Mr. Shovel: They didn’t make it up to “zed” over there.

Steve: What is the last…is that the last word in the normal alphabet, zed?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Z? A to Z.

Mr. Shovel: Well, in your alphabet.

Steve: Yes. The Mongolian Mancheefrill alphabet.

Mr. Shovel: We have one called “z”.

Steve: Oh, rully? Yes, we have zed. I am the Man From Zed, and I have come to restore sanity in Los Angeles. On my planet, Zed, there are many forms of life. More than what meets the eye. There is no humans, but there is lifeform…but they don’t have arms and legs. They come in the form of lambs. Lambs are our secret gods on the Planet Zed.

Mr. Shovel: And muttons.

Steve: And muttons are the lower forms. The last on the food chain gang. The lambs are a higher being. “Planet Zed”. "A Quinn Martin Production". Yes.

Are gas prices going up?

Mr. Shovel: Oh, you noticed.

Steve: But since last week, have they gone up?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. It just keeps going up.

Steve: Yeah. I’m going electric soon, I think. I’ve noticed there’s a lot of them little motors…

Mr. Shovel: I’m going French fry oil.

Steve: Yeah – I was just talking about that and a…Darryl Hannah, she does it, doesn’t she? She’s got a, I don’t know if it’s a car or a truck, but she goes to all these…she has a thing, with these restaurants where she goes there and she has their old cooking oil…and she takes it in drums and she runs her motor on it.

Mr. Shovel: That’s got to be a limited supply, though.

Steve: Well, a lot of people eat. A lot of people throw that stuff away. I dunno what she gives ‘em in return. I dunno what she pays for it all.

Mr. Shovel: Well, you go up and you say, “I’ll have two happy meals and five gallons of old French fry oil.

Steve: Used oil, yeah. Apparently the car smells of like tacos and stuff when it, when you’re driving.

Mr. Shovel: Onion rings.

Steve: Yeah, and hamburgers…In ‘n Out oil. I heard a car can actually drive on water. Sugar water.

Mr. Shovel: We’d better start invading places that have sugar.

Steve: Planet Zed…has a sugar refinery. The actual, the craters and the moonbeams are made out of sugar on Planet Zed. I might go up there next week, see what’s happening. I’ve got a mate of mine who's up there. He runs a sheep farm and he’s…light years ahead. He makes sheep underwear. They’re very itchy, though. I can’t wear sheep, can’t wear anything wool. Wool is so itchy on my Niagras, I can’t have ‘em nowhere near ‘em.

Mr. Shovel: Imagine how the sheep feel.

Steve: Oh, God. I can only have the finest of linens around my bollacksesses.

Mr. Shovel: Angora.

Steve: What’s that?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know where it comes from.

Steve: I think that’s omega underwear you’re talking about isn’t it? Omega 3. Fine linens. Well, while we’re talking about ‘electric’, let’s play “The Electric Light Orchestra”.

A joint Floratina and Chriswasanon Taco transmission production.

1 comment:

ChispaFilthyLucre said...

wine from dandelion?
this is new to me
thanks CwA