Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Speaking in tongues.

First edition.

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Speaking in tongues or blubble..flubble lubble.

Welcome back to chriswasanon!

On Friday the 21st of July 2006 the following extraordinary 3½ mins transpired on the Jukebox.

Is the creative essence of that 3 and half minutes here in all it's disreputable glory?

It was quite a challenge but we accepted it. So you decide.

CwA IS at the controls!

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on 6 minutes after 12 o'clock on a Friday. Humid and hot again, today (sniffs) and er...blah blah blah blah blah blaaah bl. bl. bloop, bloop bloop bloop.

(Mr. Shovel is introducing reverberation or echo to make the piece more atmospheric). In linguistic International Phonetic Association terms, the sounds produced are basically "plosive bi-labials" (b and p) with rounded u vowel sounds followed by "lateral velar approximates." "Blub blub blub" .

The "Blub, blub blub" continues in an increasingly silly and impossible manner.

Sometimes the "blub" is varied to produce ( BTW I am an annoying smart erse gob shite bastid so shoot me) labial nasal consonants or " m" sounds. The sound appears to then loop back because the opening sniff is heard again. There is now the merest subtle hint of fart-cum- raspberry razz type ripple noises. In IPA speak, "alveolar taps." Or flaps. Possibly if I might hazard a guess, these can be thought best of as delicate trills. Followed by violent bi labial voiced plosives, indeterminate vowel shifts with longer alveolar taps rrrrrrrr. Right? Mr. Shovel seems to have directly sampled Steve's voice. Variable and rising slowly good to moderate with occasional squalls 1004 speed loop backs.

The sound collage is reminiscent of underwater secrets, Octopussys gardens...

The sound suddenly halts!

The first piece of intelligible English is heard:


Steve: (Soprano type accent) Dis just in, breakin' news. (A ref. to farting?)

Then we're off again. The sounds are still basically voiced plosive consonantals with alveolar z type noises and mid range utterances. Some clear sibilance is heard. Emittances - not quite Serpentine but close enough to convey snakes tied together by their...shoelaces.


Steve: (US. type accent) Dis just came in on a fax.

The bi labial plosive consonantal utterances have been replaced by near close or rounded "y" sounds, open ended long "a" vowel sounding triple decker dipthong vowel shifts (neutral into second, check your mirror) and terminal plosives.

Yap yap. We begin to hear the cackling distant laughter, Steve's, Mr. Shovel's. The level of reverb makes it impossible to determine ownership...

Steve: (US. type advert accent) May cause ulcers.

Once more into the breach we go with a similiar sounding vocal array of bi labial plosives. There are those long alveolar taps again. Sometimes in amongst this battery of sounds, Steve takes a breath, inward uptake of aspiration. The output mirrors an orchestra of digestive grumbles.

Steve: (US. type accent) Indigestion!

Precisely! The bi labial plosives are replaced with dental consonants.

Steve: (US. type accent) Don't go out, spend yer money!

Once again the sound launches into a miasmic myriad of bi labial bubbles.

Steve: (US. type accent) De're comin' ter get uz."

The tone takes on an hysterical quality. The end is near. The stress is sharp on the first few bi labial plosives.

Steve: (US type accent). We're all gonna die.

Repeat bi-labials Blah blah blah blah. A long aspirated puff with an almost immediate staccato stream of trilled lateral alveolar half voiced low density fricatives. We're into the coda now. AND I am making it up as I go along and you can tell can't you? .

That's definitely Steve's larf we can hear at the finale. Steve and Mr. Shovel surface.

Steve: Ah...Did you get all that, (Schoolmasterish) did you take all that down?

Mr. Shovel: (Joyfully) I can't wait to see the transcript of that! Ah God.

Steve: All the swear words I used as well. (Plays guitar). I'm so glad that you have arrived here. I am ze burnt! Burnt to a cinder! Let's play a bit of brum brum bl bl bl...

There is a sudden crash dive direction of bi-labial plosives with some wayward front forming laterals. All of a sudden, normality.

Steve: The band, I don't even know if it's a band but it's kind of got a good grooove. I'm in the mood for a bit of discoey stuff and then a bit of Rock 'n' Roll.

End of, "transcript"

And there you have it. I freely admit to having been at the lagers

Chriswas exclusive production for the Jukebox Jive, with kind thanks to Mr. Shovel, Floratina and the man who can! No serious criticisms from linguisticians will be accepted or published neither will any from those who are entirely familiar with the International Phonetic Association, its alphabet and its sound values.

No tongues, palates, or teeth were harmed in the making of this piece.

2 comments:

Quean said...

I am in awe of your transcription skills and linguistic knowledge, CwA. That was magnificent. Much like the Pontiff.

Chris was Anon said...

Thank you Quean, personally I think it was winging it but it seems to work, on an obscure level and throws a whole different angle on the many methods of transcription. You think it's all just typing words? Certainly not :-) Next post...The curse of the Click language, nah s'thing from the Buzzcocks probly!

But I am not worthy of being compared to the Los sex Pistolero himself, licker of, man who, pontiff of...the many other titles he so richly deserves for just keeping us entertained, informed and switched on.