Tina IS at the controls.
June 20, 2006
(The opening theme starts, but over it we hear the sounds of a football crowd cheering and chanting)
Steve: (Immediately starts playing his guitar and whistling what sounds like, “Be Kind To Your Web-Footed Friends”) Oh no! No, I don’t believe it. (Mr. Shovel laughs in b.g.) I thought we escape having Crouch playing today. Owen, the big poof, just fell over and they had to stretcher him off…
Mr. Shovel: He tripped on his own shoelaces, Steve.
Steve: …and now, bleedin’ Stan Laurel’s out there.
Mr. Shovel: Two minutes into the game.
Steve: Unbelievable. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox with some Argentinian background football noises while me and Mr. Shovel are watching the England-Sweden game on the, on the box. I guess we could have the sound up. I wonder what it would be like if we had the sound up on that? Not good, or…you like it like this, right? Nice and controlled and…listening to Argentinians going, “Ally oh, ally oh, ally oh” watching a completely different game. If you don’t want to know the score of this game, you’d better turn it over to some other channel because I’m watching this game and I’m gonna talk about it. Oh, no. See, we…don’t wanna lose or draw this game. We wanna win this game because we don’t wanna play the Krauts in the next round. So it’s important, I think, that we don’t play the host, cos they’re on fire. Did you see them this morning?
Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I did.
Steve: They looked good, the ole Krauts. The always do, though. I like Klingsman, I’ve…got a soft spot for him…(clears throat) yeaahh. What was I going to say…it’s John Taylor’s birthday today. He’s forty-six years old today, John Taylor. And I know he’s at home with a few other blokes, watching this game. Is that us? No, that’s not us. Whose corner is it? I can’t even…oh, it’s the Swedes, got a corner. Oh, let’s, let’s watch this…two-bob. Okay nothing happened there. Kicked out. Ferdinand, I think that was, for a change, he got his foot to it. Oh, it’s going back in, though – keeper’s got it. Okay, sweet. Let’s play a bit of Kenny Lynch. This is a new song that’s recorded, he just did it, Kenny Lynch. He must be a hundred years old now. But he sounds great on this. It’s an England song. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, commentating the England-Sweden game. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(crowd noise fades back in at the bottom of the hour)
Steve: Yessssssss. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox, commentating live, the England-Sweden game, thirty-one minutes into the game. Still scoreless, nil-nil, England have had a lot of chances. Owens looks like he’s done. He got injured by himself first couple of minutes into the game, if you didn’t know that. Um, I’m going to play a Swedish band. Hopefully this song will jinx it. This is The Caesars and this song is called, “Jerk It Out”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Happy days at halftime. Fantastic goal by young Mr. Cole. Joey Cole got a blinding goal, almost from the halfway line. It was fantastic. One-nil to England, against Sweden. I told ya, if I played Swedish songs, it would jinx it, so I carried on playing Swedish songs. That was Iggy Pop, it ain’t a Swedish song, but he says “Swedish” in it (“Five Foot One”), so I figured that meant something and then we had this other mob, Big Bang, “Poetic Terrorism”, they’re from Norway, but it’s next door to Sweden (Mr. Shovel laughing in b.g.) and that song was called, “From Acid To Zen And Back Again”. And then we did have a a band, The Ark, who is from Sweden, and that song was called, “Piece Of Poetry Are Meant To Do No Harm” (sic) and we started off with The Caesars, who are from Sweden and that song was called, “Jerk It Out” and that’s when they scored. Fantastic.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: This is halftime, England-Sweden, England are up one-nil, beautiful goal, Joe Cole. He reminded me of me a little bit, the kind of goals I score. Although I would have knocked it in a bit harder, he didn’t quite knock it in as hard as I would have done it, but you know. Now we’re gonna probably play the second half, terrified and we’ll all be going to the toilet every two minutes. But we’ll see. They look like a different team, which I did predict, by the way, if anyone was listening.
Mr. Shovel: I don’t remember that.
Steve: Well, of course you don’t remember. You only listen to what you want to hear. I know you.
(note, here is a transcript of that bit from yesterday)
Steve: You gonna watch England tomorrow?
Futureheads: Uh huh.
Steve: What do you reckon the score’s going to be?
Futurehead: Two-one to all our lads.
Steve: To England?
Futurehead: Top of the group.
Steve: I think they’re gonna score more, I think so. I think it’s going to be a different game tomorrow.
Futurehead: I hope you’re right.
Steve: Yeah, me too. Cos…have you watched both the other games?
Futurehead: Yeah, we managed to see them both like, yeah.
Steve: Not too impressive.
Steve: But then again, you know, you’ve got Brazil, who’s the big favorite and they only won one-nil against Australia.
Futurehead: Ah, they’ve been unconvincing as well, like.
Steve: You know what I mean? Argentina…looked good. But then…you never know. Their next game, they might lose. That’s what great about the World Cup, cos you really don’t know what’s going to happen. You know, the USA, their first game, they looked dreadful, then they looked alright against Italy.
Futurehead: They did well against Italy, I thought, like.
Steve: You never know, like.~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(later in todays show)
Steve: The game is now one-one, the Swedes got a goal. Ain’t it funny. Started playing “Victoria” by the Kinks, an English song, and they bleedin’ score. I should have just brought all Swedish songs in today. It’d be five-nil by now. Oh well, not the end of the world. Just hope we don’t get the Krauts in the next round. Ze Germans. Names unt addresses. It’s a game of two halves. But I think we’re going to score again, I’ve got a feeling. I’ve got a feeling that Rooney’s going to score. In the twenty-oneth, the twenty-first minute…(Mr. Shovel laughing, Steve as well) twenty-oneth minute…it’s a game of four halves…
Mr. Shovel: It’s coming up on the twenty-twoth…
Steve: It’s coming up on the twenty-twoth minute, soon to be going into the twenty-threeth minute. And then after that there’ll be the twenty-fourth minute. (speeds up) And they’re kicking the ball around like a bunch of silly men, one’s got red and one’s got yellow. I think they’re from Lichtenstein, and the reds are from Charing Cross. And they’re coming on the twenty-fife’th minute and they’re coming, they’re kicking the ball. And the ball’s being kicked around, there’s a lot of (?), I dunno what that is, there’s a pitch (?) there’s some white lines on it, it’s being kicked about by a ball. And there’s two onion bags at each end and I don’t know what they’re for. I think you have to put the ball in the hole and the hole in the ball and you put the knob in the bowl in the hole in the knob in the bowl and the bowl in the knob and the two-bobs and bob bob bobs shopping bags. We’re going to visit the Duke. The Swedes, they have a corner? There’s been more corners in this. If you’re listening, you probably don’t know what the hell’s going on. But does anyone know what’s going on, anytime I’m on here?