Men In White Satin

(Steve has just finished the whistle and announced the winner)

Steve: The song that I was singing was a song that should be banned worldwide but, I dunno why but it just came to my head. Probably heard it about fifteen years ago and the memory bank dialed it in this morning and I just kind of figured it out, it’s pretty easy. It’s one of the medieval songs innit, kind of medieval. Frilly shirts and tight pants on. I don’t have it with me…

Mr. Shovel: (in background) Damn.

Steve: …but I can do my rendition of it, see what happens.

Nights in white satin
Never meeting again
I’d like to smash your head in
Whoever wrote this song

It’s so medieval it sounds like Stonehenge
Sling a bone to the doggie
The one who’s at the end of the big table
In the castle

Cos I love you
Love you yes I love you
Oh, I love you
yes, medieval man

Man with hay around your feet
who invented the wheels
who raised the taxes
who lowered the drawbridge

The poor old peasants
left ‘em with nothing
just for the fat old king who got mega-gout
from rich foods
and drinking too much port

but I love you
love you yes I love you
oh, I love you
oooh I love you

Nights in white satin
They’re awful sheets
Have you ever slept in satin sheets
You slide right out of bed

I hear the brothers like the satin sheets
I have no reason why
I’d rather a hundred percent cotton
They’re much better on my skin

Who buys satin sheets
I’d like to know who
But I’m partial to purple

I’ve lost my train of thought

I’m a knight who wears satin
I’m funny that way
I like men who wear satin too
We have a right old laugh

(He cracks himself up, Mr. Shovel can be heard laughing in background)

Steve: Oh, I can’t take it anymore. Ooh, send that song to the graveyard. It’s already in the graveyard, innit? Men In White Satin…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(later in the show)

Guys in tight satin
They like to have a laugh
Where can I get some white satin
I wanna be like the other guys

I love guys in white satin
They really move my
Knob
I’m looking for some fellas
That don’t mind having a laugh

In the bushes bushes
Ohh, the bushes
Ohh the bushes
In the park
In the lavatory

You know what I’m talking about
Guys in tight satin
Jason king, yeaaahhhh


~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(still later in the show)

Guys in white panties
Never need no friends
They get what they ask for
They like things that bend

Blokes in white panties – pantaloons
Never needing no friends
They’d better watch out now
cos they’re gonna get a good kicking

And I love them
Lord knows I love them
Yes guys in white panties
Blokes in white pantaloons

Steve: Oh, I feel a little better. Cheered meself up.