From July 7, 2006

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. It is three minutes, almost…in twenty seconds it will be three minutes. Let me check that with my phone…in fifteen seconds…let me just see if this actually works. In ten seconds…in five seconds…in no seconds, it is three minutes after twelve bells. Yes, my phone went to it, too. Good, that clock works. On a lovely Friday and it’s about eighty degrees. It’s another hot one. It’s gonna get hotter. Nice and sunny, though. Just the way Daddy likes it. Nice and hot. Not too humid. We giving anything away there, Mister?

Mr. Shovel: Yes we are. We have a couple of pairs of tickets to the secret Sonic Youth show…

Steve: Oh.

Mr. Shovel: ..secret Sonic Youth.

Steve: What’s that show?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a secret show. With Sonic Youth.

Steve: Oh yeah? Where they playing?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a secret.

Steve: Oh, okay. I’ll pry it out of you Mr. Shovel, if I have to.

Mr. Shovel: You can try.

Steve: Okay. Got a Chinese torture. Electric shock treatment. Or maybe just some guy’s voice that just drives you crazy…just put you in a room, play that over and over again…of some guy’s voice.

Mr. Shovel: Okay, I’ll tell ya.

Steve: That must be horrible, innit? Torture? Now that we’re on the subject.

Mr. Shovel: Some people like it.

Steve: Yeah, not me. I don’t mind dishing it out, but I’m not…I don’t want to be the recipricant. (there’s a pause then Mr. Shovel starts laughing) Wasn’t…that the right word? (Steve laughs) Is that the right word? Did I put my foot in my mouth? What does that mean, “recipient”? Is that…someone who takes it, a receiver? I don’t want to be the receiver. What does “recipient” mean, then? The person who’s doing it? (pause, then snippy) You don’t even know…

Mr. Shovel: You said “recipricant”.

Steve: Oh yeah, lubricant. Yeah, I don’t want to be the lubricant. It must be…some of these stories you hear of people getting tortured, I couldn’t think of anything worse, being tortured. At the will of someone else. Especially if you’re blindfolded. Imagine where your head goes when you don’t know what’s going to happen? Some people break in houses and they tie the family up and blindfold ‘em. That must be horrendous. I hope it never happens to me…touch wood. Is there any wood in this place? Any wood?

Mr. Shovel: Well, you’ve got your guitar…

Steve: Oh yeah. (knocking sound) Touch wood that never happens to me. Or to anyone else I know. Or to you, Mr. Shovel. You might like it, though. I think you’re the type who likes that torture thing…

Mr. Shovel: You think?

Steve: I dunno…

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: No? Not your cup of tea?

Mr. Shovel: No. I don’t want to be the “recipricant”.

Steve: You don’t want to be the lubricant? Who, you mean actual people like that kind of thing?

Mr. Shovel: They pay for it!

Steve: They do, don’t they. And it’s always normally people who are in powerful, who have a powerful job or somewhere where they’re like, bossing people around. They seem to like to go off to some dungeon and get whiplashed.

Mr. Shovel: (this Jonesyism makes him laugh again)

Steve: That seems like, common though, innit? It’s like, in London there’s a lot of them like, MP’s and that…they like to go and get like…

Mr. Shovel: …whiplashed.

Steve: Yeah, all kinds of…cat of nine tails and just treated like a piece of doggie doo. We’re strange. Strange ain’t we, people? Cos dogs and animals, they ain’t like that. They have one thing on their mind. Very small things that dogs, animals in general: “Where am I gonna get my food from?”, have a good sleep, and “What can I sniff?”

Mr. Shovel: And, “Where can I deposit my (?)”

Steve: Yeah, yeah. And that’s about it. They don’t play mind games, do they? Although some dogs are pretty smart when you’ve got some food. They know how to work it out of ya, with them old sad-sack eyes and all the other stuff (laughs) so they do play games. I forgot. I forgot about that. Dogs do play games. They probably got it from us, though. From watching us play games. (jams on guitar for a few bars)

When I’ve run out of body parts, which, by the looks of it, ain’t gonna be too long. I think we should go to animals. Songs with animals in it. “Year Of The Cat”…

Mr. Shovel: Okay. “You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog”

Steve: Yep.

Mr. Shovel: “Belly Of The Whale”

Steve: Yep. That’s gonna be, I think, as soon as the body parts run out, gonna move over to animals. Songs, songs (titles) with animals and in the song. And also, there’s a lot of bands with animal names. The Animals, Beatles…

Mr. Shovel: (starts laughing again)

Steve: Troggs…

Mr. Shovel: (laughing harder) The Beatles aren’t an animal.

Steve: (fudging) Oh…well it moves, dunnit? (they both laugh some more) It’s got legs.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think Troggs are an animal, either.

Steve: What else, Rolling Stones? Okay. We’re on “Eyes”. Eyes. Body parts. Eyes. And what better to kick this off, than with, “The Eye Of The Tiger”? (realizing) Animal, AND an eye.

Mr. Shovel: A great segue.

Steve: See, I’ll play that next week, when I’m doing animals. Tiger! Take it away, darling…