Steve is back May 2nd 2006

Welcome back to chriswasanon on a sunny day in early May fa la la la la la la etc. I had a fine time at the Wigtown book fair and the weather was kind to us yesterday having decided to produce a gale and heavy rain ONLY after we had lifted all the books from the bookmaze. The bookmaze raised £324.02 for the Children's Ward of the Dumfries and Galloway Royal Infirmary.



Gravitas that's what the presence of a bagpiper adds! Bookmaze Wigtown Sat 29th April.

TERRIBLE JOKE ALERT!!!

It has left an interesting amazing :-) pattern on the grass.

Yore grey 'aired correspondent pic alert.



It is a sad fate for books to end up in a skip (dumpster) But a good few of these were rescued by punters. Wigtown after the mysteries of the bookmaze May 2006.

That's enough of my neighbourhood.

Steve Space news.

Well now, a massive combing search and destroy mission by Steve's army of "Obeygruppenfuhrers" resulted in a new high score of 14 more defiant so-called "friends" getting their marching offski orders. I can therefore only urge and exhort you my friends that you do keep the man in your myspace top 8...else. He was relenting tis true and letting they who defy back under his wings but now, no appeal will absolve you, thou art a heretic and to defy is a myspace pontifical excommunication. One day there, the next deleted. Be gone!

The wrath of www.myspace.com/sexjones shall descend upon you. Verily t'will. So you 'ave been warned ain't ya!

Arsenews.

NONE

We are having technical difficulties with our old arse news at present so none today. :-(

In other rock star gods who are deejays news. Bob Dylan is going to spin the decks.

Poster news.

Steve did team up with artist Shepard Fairey to knock out a limited edition of 300 screen printed posters, signed by the man who can and the creator. They look good too, very nice and really are a collectable snippety snip at $45. Plus shipping etc. Available at www.obeygiant.com. Might be an idea to grab 'em quickitty quick licketty split too. AVOID disappointment, please rush me my etc...

Ho ho ho. Pauly Poo! sent along a pic of the Am-ex graphic that Jamie Reid did for the Great Rock n Roll Swindle single to pay for his poster to Steve's myspace comments page. Classic! That WON'T Do nicely. Weren't Glitterbest threatened with having their asses sued unless they withdrew that graphic? I seem to recall that soon afterwards, the Swindle single in the Am-ex bag was changing hands at upto
£25.00.

But Am-ex swindle aint as rare as all that.

Lets have a look at what went down shall we?

Chriswasanon.

Tina IS at the controls.

Part-time Bicycle Man May 2, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a Tuesday, very dark Tuesday. Impending doom Tuesday is what my feelings are when it’s like this. Lately, my whole aura has been impending doom. My head has just been…I wake up and I think something’s gonna happen…all the time. Like a big earthquake, or something.

Mr. Shovel: Well, if you think that every day, then you’ll be right, eventually.

Steve: Eventually. But I feel like something’s going to happen within this month. I don’t want to be a downer but I just, my gut feeling tells me something tragic is going to happen this month.

Mr. Shovel: Definitely. If not this month, next month.

Steve: I would lay bets on this month of May. I have a feeling. Don’t know what it is, but something tragic.

I deleted 14 punters from MySpace this week. I had my spies look, researched and destroyed 14 unfaithfuls.

Mr. Shovel: For doing what?

Steve: For not putting me in their Top 8. They were removed. They defied The Pontiff and they were banished and they will not come back. A few of them have done that before and groveled back and I’m let ‘em in. But them days are over, there is no more coming back once you’ve removed me from your Top 8. I did mention MySpace, didn’t I? SexJones? forward-slash SexJones? MySpace dot com?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, if that were part of the real world, those people would be bummed.

Steve: Yes. But it IS the real world. It’s the modern world. It’s the future…where no one actually touches anymore. Everything is done through wires. You wait and see. You mark my turds. Do you understand? It’s the future.

Mr. Shovel: Your future.

Steve: Yes. NO future. God Save The Queen, my son. (sighs) Talking to a buddy of mine today…we was talking about this band. Popular band, I’m not going to name the names. They’re on the road right now. They played a certain TV show last night and one of my pals is the uh…a good pal of mine is a rhythm guitar player and when he’s not playing around with this band, he works in a bicycle shop in the valley, right? He’s a good guy, a normal guy, in shape…mid-thirties and he couldn’t get arrested with women when he works in his bike shop. But when he gets up, on the road, gets up and plays his guitar in front of an audience, the guy gets laid every night. Now what is that about a bird that makes, wants to have it off with bands, guys in bands.

Mr. Shovel: Well, I notice you didn’t become a bike mechanic when you were a kid.

Steve: No, I didn’t. I was lucky enough not to do that. But you’re swerving away from the question. What makes birds, not all birds, but you know, a small percentage want to have it off with a guy who’s up on a stage playing a guitar in a rock band. What do you think…what makes…what is that?

Mr. Shovel: I think you should let the women answer that.

Steve: Yes?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: Okay. 877 900 1031 I think is the number, isn’t it?

Mr. Shovel: I think anybody who’s doing what they do and they do it well and they do it because they love it, that person is attractive.

Steve: Oh, I think I do a good job on here. I don’t see ‘em coming in here, wanting to have sex with me.

Mr. Shovel: I said, when they do it “well”.

Steve: Ayyy, listen, that’s it…that’s it.

There’s something about the energy in a room with a load of other people that, for an hour or ninety minutes, I think these guys…they’re catering to this crowd and there’s something attractive about a bloke on a stage, I guess. It’s a sense of power and I guess birds and blokes are drawn to it, in a way. But, it’s funny, like I said. He works in a bike shop, normally. He couldn’t get laid in a jail - a woman’s jail with a handful of pardons, normally. But here, on a stage, shaking his ass around he’s um…(starts to play guitar and harmonica) Got my 12-string. Sounds, good dunnit? I tuned it up. It took me an hour. Did I mention my Yamaha 12-string? I did, did I? It’s my Yam-aha 12-string.

(sings)

He works in a bike shop
in the valley oh yes
But when he goes on the road
with a rock and roll unit
his unit gets met

Bike Man, show me
Mike man
what is it about, man
that women want

Is it his guitar
between his scotch eggs
or is it about
no self esteem

Tell me ladies
and gentlemen
welcome to the fabulous stains
on his legs

And the ladies want
his man-milk
because he’s on the stage
rockin and rollin his stuff

Mr. Bike Man
fix my crank
and I have a puncture
from driving on Mulholland

It’s very prickly up there
There’s tentacles
and barnacles oh oh oh

Please help me
Mr. Part-Time Bike Man
Part-time rock and roller oh oh
What is it about rock and rollers
That women want it
Just for one night-ite
on a bike and
why do
women gravitate
to the rock and roll
at night night night night

End of transcription.

I can see Steve's point. No way can a small bag full of tools, a tube of rubber cement glue and a fist full of tyre levers compete with a guy spraying amplified electric chords at an audience of believers. It is tempting to insert pictures of Steve aiming his axe at the chickies in the front row back in the day, with a picture of a humble bike toolkit, but I wont.

"How can we ever thank you Bicycle repair man? Would flinging our frillies at you and then presenting our firm and eager..XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?"

Stop stop stop! - well you get the picture. ;-)

But this was a fine ditty! Tight it was, good laughs. All meat, no filler.
Tina

Floratina and chriswasanon Absolutely final jolly old edit (speak fer yerself) and it was a joint Marshall amplifier and puncture repair kit production for the people what love the man who can for two hours SIX times a week.