Welcome back to chriswasanon (unknown heavily preamble plagiarized edt)
--->COMPLETE!<--- Well as complete as it can be - the rest is off to www.cookandjones.co.uk and you can look under the transcriptions section when it's up and find it there.
Well what can I say about Lemmy? At school Lemmy noted that even having a guitar - never mind playing the bleedin' thing - was a powerful fanny magnet. A bedder of over 2,000 ladies by his estimation - presumably since electing to bass. A great man of the people from Anglesey, Lemmy, after a number of small bands became a Jimi Hendrix roadie and scored acid for the maestro. He progressed eventually to Galactic Group, Hawkwind with his distinctive bassing style. He then "moved on" (being into the wrong kind of drugs apparently). Billy Whizz I suppose? But instead of sitting around drinking herbal tea, he was mates with slot machines (one arm bandits etc.) and the Hell's Angels. He rode the path of excess and and filled his tank with yet more prodigious amounts of "refreshments".
He formed Mötorhead with Phil "Philthy animal" Taylor and guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke in 1975 after wisely listening to his manager's advice that the initial imaginative name of "Bastard" for the group was eminently unsuitable to receive air-time on Top of the Pops - or anywhere really. The band picked up quite a few of them old punker fans in the good? old days. Mötorhead - umlauted! - cracked it big time with the Ace of Spades album and single in 1980.
Well Mötorhead were always a bit too "out there," for main stream heavy metal rockers. Renegades we might say. They were more than a match for some of the punk bands at the time too and really had more in common with the Damned and the Pistols than with say, Judas Priest. Kris Needs in his amazing biog, "Needs Must" - which reads like a round up of every significant musical movement and shaker from his early days at punk fanzine Zig Zag onwards (just check it out) says about Mötorhead,
"all round top blokes."
The band have always had an honest approach to the rock business and their relationship between themselves and their crowds. There is a lengthy Lemmy discography out there. And I've gone on so much about Lemmy and Mötorhead that I've no time to EVEN summarise the second guest. It's Stray Cat stand-up drummer Slim Jim Phantom! Both sitting down with the Sire for you - so I'll just say sit back and enjoy yourselves and feast your eyes on this trio. The question IS, is it "Tomayto" or "tomahto." Whaddayathink? Glesca or Glasgow? Buckingum or Buckingham?
Tina IS at the controls!
May 19th Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box
Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox.
Lemmy: I’m not. (laughs)
Steve: Yes, you are.
Lemmy: All right.
Steve: Lemmy in the studio.
Lemmy: Sorry.
Steve: Hello, Lemmy.
Lemmy: Sorry everyone. Sorry Steve.
Steve: It’s okay. Mistakes happen.
Lemmy: That wasn’t a mistake, I’m just sorry.
Steve: And we have Slim Jim Phantom.
Slim Jim: Hello. I was trying to listen to the show, but Lemmy wanted to play the new Motorhead record for me in the car.
Lemmy: So he couldn’t.
Steve: Well, he was excited. When’d you finish it, Lemmy?
Lemmy: About four days back.
Steve: Four days…past.
Lemmy: Yeah.
Steve: Ago.
Lemmy: Ago, a-gone. Yes.
Slim Jim: So, did you say anything really good that we missed in the last twenty minutes?
Steve: Well, I said what an idiot you are.
Slim Jim: Oh, well. I didn’t miss anything, then.
Lemmy: (indecipherable – speaking under Slim Jim)
Steve: No, of course I would never say nothing bad about either of you. You know I had Bananarama in here yesterday, Lemmy.
Lemmy: Oh, yeah?
Steve: And one of ‘em fancied you.
Lemmy: No they didn’t. They were just saying that to be controversial.
Steve: I don’t think so.
Slim Jim: Which one?
Steve: …back in the day. The blonde one fancied you.
Lemmy: Well, I passed them in the BBC canteen on several occasions none of them ever said anything.
Steve: What, for “Top Of The Pops”?
Lemmy: Yeah, stuff like that.
Steve: You probably intimidated them.
Lemmy: Yeah, probably. Well, they intimidate me. There’s three of them, and they’re called Bananasomething you know, which is always very intimidating. I they’re used to Bananarama, what chance have I got? (all laugh)
Steve: Cucumberamarama.
Lemmy: Baby’s Armaramba. (more laughter)
Steve: Nightstickarabarama.
Lemmy: There ya go…cruiser.
Slim Jim: Are they still in town listening to this today, you think?
Steve: I think so. They’re going to Long Beach today. They’re just out here doing a…a...cd signing thing. Promotional tour, I think they call them.
Slim Jim: Chicks always got to do those kind of things…
Steve: Do you ever do stuff like that, Lemmy?
Lemmy: Yeah, we used to do it a lot. We do press, we have a block of press days every now and again in Europe, you know.
Steve: Do you think it makes a difference, all that stuff?
Lemmy: Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends if you get the right people to come out and interview you. You know, if you get like, a bunch of fanzines and they don’t cover a lot of people, you know - they’re equally good but they don’t cover a lot of people and the format doesn’t get around. But if you get in a couple of good nationals or something, that’s great you know. That will do something. Cos people don’t know you’re in town half the time. Cos the promoters don’t spend any money to advertise. They just stick up three posters a half a mile from the venue and that’s it. I remember in London, we played the…Town and Country. And you had one poster outside on a sandwich board outside the doors of the venue and you could already see it on the marquee, right…and then half mile away on a bridge, one poster. And I went right through the West End the night before – not a thing. Nothing. And we get in there and the guy had the nerve, he said, “You guys don’t sell tickets anymore, do ya?” (laughs) You know, brilliant. No radio spots, no posters…
Steve: Well, I did hear a lot of people did walk over that bridge.
Lemmy: Yeah, they did. Yeah. Thing is, they walk in to work and they walk back again at five o’clock before the show. (they laugh)
Steve: Yeah, I know. It ain’t…whatever. But you’re doin’ all right ain’t ya?
Lemmy: Yeah, I’m doing fine.
Steve: Got a new album out, four days old.
Lemmy: Yeah.
Steve: What’s it called? “Kiss Of Death”.
Lemmy: That’s the working title, yeah, I think it’s probably going to be called that, yeah.
Steve: What label you guys on?
Lemmy: We’re on…over here we’re on Century.
Steve: Oh, yeah.
Lemmy: In Germany, we’re on SPV.
Steve: Well, what are you doing with this pelican?
Lemmy: Well, he hasn’t got anywhere to go see, so I took him on. He followed me around, so I kept him.
Slim Jim: Please. I’m the driver.
Lemmy: Yeah, he drives and he drums.
Steve: So, what is this then?
Slim Jim: Lemmy and I made a…
Lemmy: It’s about five years old, that. You’ve never seen it? For shame…
Slim Jim: …record that we’re just, finally releasing it.
Steve: They didn’t have any posters up for it.
Lemmy: No radio spots…
Slim Jim: Now we’re getting radio spots and our own posters. We’re sticking ‘em up ourselves.
Steve: Is there any bridges around here I can stick something up on?
Lemmy: I seen one, once. Burt Lancaster has one, I believe.
Steve: What, a bridge?
Lemmy: Yeah, but they knocked it down after he did that movie with Kirk Douglas, that was one. Didn’t see that?
Steve: No, what’s it called? “Bridge Over The River Kwai”?
Lemmy: I have no clue.
Slim Jim: “Bridges of Madison County”? (they laugh)
Lemmy: “Brides of Dracula’?
Slim Jim: Anyway, Lemmy and I made this record of all our favorite, favorite rockabilly stuff.
Lemmy: Mostly Buddy Holly, really.
Slim Jim: Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry and Johnny Cash and we’ve finally gotten around to finishing it and we did a DVD at Cat Club last year. We’re finally getting around to editing that, so we’re going to put it all out at once.
Steve: No Billy Fury, I see.
Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Well see, these people don’t know about Billy Fury because they’re Americans.
Steve: Well, he does, Slim Jim, doesn’t he?
Slim Jim: Sure.
Lemmy: Only peripherally.
Steve: You know what I started off with today…
Slim Jim: “Rock With The Cave Man”?
Steve: No. You were probably listening to your album, but I started off with Shakin Stevens, “This Old House”.
Lemmy: Right.
Slim Jim: Ahh. Good one.
Steve: Remember that? Did you ever used to go see him?
Lemmy: Yeah.
Slim Jim: He didn’t like us.
Lemmy: He was good, he was a good actor.
Steve: He was. I saw him loads of times.
Lemmy: Johnny Kidd and The Pirates. They were excellent. They were the best…that was the best rock singer England ever had, for me.
Steve: Yeah. He was brilliant.
Lemmy: Putting on a show you know…I mean, before strobes, he had this roadie who used to have a broomstick along all the light switches and do this…(all laugh) it was like a strobe light thing. Jesus. I used to carry their guitars in to Llandudno Pier to get in for free, you know? And then hide in the venue until they come on, you know. Mick Green, excellent.
Steve: He was a good guitar player.
Lemmy: They came back in the punk era, too. Right?
Slim Jim: Yeah, they toured with us in ’81, I think.
Lemmy: Yeah, they made a whole, a big comeback for a while.
Steve: Well, I liked that one song they did, “Someone’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight”.
Lemmy: That’s Vince and The Valients…that was Fleetwood Mac.
Steve: Right. That’s what I meant. That was Peter Green though?
Lemmy: Peter Green, yeah.
Slim Jim: Yeah, but Mick Green was The Pirates.
Steve: Oh, MICK Green. All these greens. Do you eat your greens?
Lemmy: Village green, see?
Steve: Yes. Society.
Lemmy: Yeah.
Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke. We’re here with Lemmy and…The Phantom and we’ll be right back and listen to some world premiere of a Motorhead album.
Lemmy: World premiere of the dirty, nasty Motorhead, you know?
Steve: “Kissing Death” is the working title. Will it stick? Throw it up the pole and see who jumps on the top of it.
Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.
Steve: Yesss. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: Hello, sons of bitches!
Lemmy: Hello, sons of bitches!
Steve: You’re listening to…(pauses to listen to Lemmy who’s playing his guitar) Jonesy’s Jukebox, yes. Lemmy’s got a guitar in his hand, I’m tuning one and Slim Jim’s putting on some Brylcreem. (Lemmy is still playing in the background) Is that “Greensleeves”?
Lemmy: Used to be, before I screwed it up. Henry the Eighth wrote that you know, so they say.
Steve: He did, right?
Lemmy: So they say.
Steve: He was very talented, very talented, though.
Lemmy: (indecipherable)…some geezer working for him didn’t even nick that, you know.
Steve: Like Elvis.
Lemmy: There was no copyright laws in them days.
Steve: Exactly. He was the King. Whatever he said, went.
Lemmy: It’s good to be king, huh. I’m the eighth one.
Steve: Wouldn’t you like to have been Henry the Eighth?
Lemmy: No. Too fat. He had gout.
Slim Jim and Lemmy: (almost same time) He had a gammy leg. Eaaghh.
Steve: He had a gammy leg?
Lemmy: Yeah.
Steve: I know he had gout. What actually is gout, from rich food, right?
Lemmy: Yeah. It’s the hardening of the arteries or something like that, I think. Bad circulation in the leg.
Steve: Red wine gives you gout as well. Port- no, port.
Lemmy: It’s good for your heart, though.
Steve: It is?
Lemmy: So they say. (Steve laughs) They’re probably lying, you know. It’s all lies.
Steve: It’s all lies.
Slim Jim: He got to chop their heads off if they bothered him, though.
Steve: Well, you know…
Slim Jim: No alimony.
Steve: I wish I could do that.
Lemmy: “Sire, he wants to die a rich man.”
“His wish is granted. Give him his bucket of gold and then strangle him.” (all laugh)
Steve: What track do you want to play on there?
Lemmy: Uh, play…track eleven is it, I think?
Steve: Eleven is “Kingdom of The Worm”.
Lemmy: “Kingdom of the Worm”
Steve: There’s no profanity, is there?
Lemmy: No.
Steve: Okay. We’ll get that cued up.
Lemmy: What do you care anyway? You’re about as profane as anybody I know.
Steve: I am profanity. I AM Profanity.
Lemmy: You are profanity, in person.
Steve: That’s a nice-sounding guitar.
Lemmy: (plays a bit of a melody) The great Stones song.
Steve: Hey what is that? Oh, Stones!
(They play and sing some of, “Tell Me” by the Rolling Stones)
Lemmy: Let’s play the other track on the album…
Steve: This is world premiere…
Lemmy: World preem…
Steve: of Henry the Eighth’s new album.
Lemmy: Yeah, it’s by Motorhead.
Steve: Entitled…
Slim Jim: Henry the Eightff.
Lemmy: “Kingdom of The Worm”.
Steve: “King of The Worm” is the track and the album is called…
Lemmy: “Kiss of Death”.
Steve: “Kiss of Death”, working title. World premiere. Take it away…
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: Can you do an English accent, Slim Jim?
Slim Jim: Yeah..
Steve: Go on.
Slim Jim: Certainly
Lemmy: Certainly.
Steve: So, where’d you get your Brylcreem from?
Slim Jim: (English accent) Down at chemist’s. King’s Road.
Steve: Nice.
Lemmy: Yeah. Lovely.
Slim Jim: Right at Bofer (?) Street, where they meet.
Steve: Yeah. That’s not bad. Keep going.
Lemmy: (?)
Steve: Go on, carry on you’ve got a couple more seconds.
Slim Jim: What’d you want?
Steve: What you want?
Lemmy: What ya want?
Steve: (broad U.S. accent) Excuse me, Slim Jim?
Lemmy: Say what?
Slim Jim: Pardon?
Steve: Yeah, you talk to me in English and I’ll talk to you in American. Let’s have a conversation.
Slim Jim: All right.
Lemmy: I’ll speak in the middle of it now and again, in Welsh. How’s that?
Steve: Okay. Slim Jim, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
Slim Jim: Fry up.
Lemmy: (? Sounds like “a dell”)
Steve: What is a “fry up”, Slim Jim? Can you explain?
Slim Jim: Egg, ?, sauce, mushy peasios, tommos, bread slicios,
Steve: That is a terrible English accent.
Lemmy: Yeah, that was terrible, that part. You could have run away with it there.
Steve: (continuing with U.S. accent) You disappointed me, Slim Jim.
Slim Jim: I don’t want to be English.
Steve: I’m staying with it.
Slim Jim: Sorry…sorry, pardon?
Steve: Is that the end?
Slim Jim: I don’t know…
Steve: I’d really like to get to know you, Slim Jim. But you’re making it very difficult for me.
Lemmy: I want you to know this most sincerely.
Slim Jim: How come when English guys do American, they always do that Wink Martindale, game show,”You’ve won a Cadillac and a new, second-hand fridge!!”
Lemmy: That’s what you hear on the TV adverts all the time, all day and night, innit?
Steve: Exactly. Cos when you’re in England, they even…they’re used to watch all them…
Lemmy: (U.S. accent) “When you drive a Saturn, you’re really driving.”
Slim Jim: And everyone thinks that the British are like Terry Thomas or…
Steve: Yeah, and there’s one post office.
Lemmy: Terry Thomas was wonderful. Nobody in America ever heard of him…he was excellent.
Steve: Died a poor man.
Lemmy: Yeah, I know.
Steve: But he was brilliant.
Lemmy: But he grew his (?) so it wasn’t all bad.
Steve: Yeah.
Slim Jim: It’s the butler from Batman, Terry Thomas or The Beatles, everyone thinks that…
Steve: Or horse and cart, still…and, “Excuse me, do you know Ron? He lives in England somewhere.”
Lemmy: And Jane Seymour.
Steve: “Ron. He lives somewhere in England, you must know him!”
Slim Jim: “Over there in England…”
Lemmy: Yeah, it’s real small over there, right? Everybody knows everybody else.
Steve: Cobblestones and pork pies…
Slim Jim: It’s raining all the time and it’s got a lot of fog.
(some phonetic spellings of intentionally mispronounced words up ahead)
Lemmy: “Glousesstershire”.
Steve: “Is that anywhere near Ly-ishester Square?”
Slim Jim: They drink warm beer and it’s foggy all the time.
Steve: “I believe the river THAYmes is having a flood”
Lemmy: They say “Kilmeister” to me.
Steve: Who?
Lemmy: “Kilmeister”. I mean, why would you do that. It’s obviously “Kilmister”, you know…
Steve: “Westmeinster”.
Lemmy: They have to change something in the word to make it American, like…
Steve: Well, no they…that’s how it’s, if you look at it…they say it how it looks on paper.
Lemmy: No, if it was “MYster” it would be “mei”. It’s just “mi”.
Steve: Like “THAYmes” actually looks like “THAYmes”.
Lemmy: Yeah but, Kilmister don’t. It’s just “mi”…it’s not “mei”. It’s just Kilmister. You know.
Steve: I mean, “CIA”…
Lemmy: I want to just say, to the Southern Californian audience, my name is Kilmister, not “Kilmeister”, thank you. That’s all from today’s Names Bulletin.
Slim Jim: But what the British don’t get is that the minute…
Lemmy: And it’s not “Fraysier”, either. My middle name is Fraser, okay? Jesus. Like Frankie…
Steve: Yeah, Frankie Fraser. He was a nice chap.
Lemmy: No he wasn’t.
Steve: I know, that’s what I’m talking about.
Lemmy: Very, very (?)
Steve: I know.
Lemmy: Stitched people’s legs together.
Steve: I knocked him out, once. He’s nothing.
Lemmy: Right, yeah…
Steve: Lightweight.
Lemmy: What, swung your guitar around and he was in the way…
Steve: I just stared at him and he melted.
Lemmy: Oh, give him a nasty staring, yeah…(laughs)
Steve: What was you gonna say, Slim Jim?
Slim Jim: That the British don’t get that if they point out that you’re saying it wrong, any Americans, especially New Yorkers, will just say it wrong on purpose from then on out.
Steve: Oh, rully?
Lemmy: Is that right?
Slim Jim: I remember getting into almost a riot cos I kept saying, “Thank you, Eedenburg”.
Steve: What is “Eedenburg”?
Slim Jim: I think you guys say, “Edinbruh”
Steve: Oh, Edinburgh.
Lemmy: “Edinberg”, yes. “Edinburrow”
Slim Jim: I just kept saying “Eedenburg” at the gig and they were getting very upset.
Lemmy: “Edinburrow”. “Edinburrow”. And “GlasCOW”.
Slim Jim: “GlasCOW”
Lemmy: Like “MosCOW”.
Steve: See, see, cos American people are saying it how they see it. “MosCOW’. It looks like “MosCOW”.
Lemmy: Yeah, it does.
Steve: We say “MosCOH” for whatever…God knows why.
Lemmy: It still looks like Kilmister.
Steve: “Ly-shesster”!
Lemmy: “Ly-sesstershire”
Steve: (loud, in U.S. accent) “Excuse me, young Cockney man, can you point me in the direction of Lyshesster Square, please thank you?
Slim Jim: (cockney accent) All right, darling!
Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke, we’ll be right back. We’re here with Lemmy and Slim Jim…Phantommmm.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with my guest Lemmy…
Lemmy: Hello children, hello.
Steve: Hello, boys and girls.
Slim Jim: Hello.
Lemmy: (? sounds like Uncle Wasser) over there.
Steve: And Slim Jim Phantom.
Slim Jim: Hello.
Steve: Do you still frequent the Rainbow, Lemmy?
Lemmy: Oh, yes. I have been known to.
Slim Jim: Only when it’s open.
Lemmy: Only when they’re open, yes. Because otherwise it’s so dead…you know.
Steve: I told the Banarama birds that, if you wanna find you, that that’s probably where you’ll be.
Lemmy: See, she was just saying that to be like, one of the lads, you know. (all laugh)
Steve: No, I think they really, back in the day, that blonde one fancied you. You know she mentioned as well, was that other girl you used to knock about with, Ilene of Irene…
Lemmy: Motorcycle Irene.
Steve: Yeah.
Slim Jim: Tell us about Motorcycle Irene.
Lemmy: Oh, she was great. She ended up with Steve Zodiac out of…
Slim Jim: Zodiac Mindwarp?
Lemmy: No no. Steve Zodiac, the singer out of some heavy metal band. I forget what, I honestly forgot the name, but anyway she was with Philthy for a bit, you know.
Steve: I had, I had little a sample of…
Lemmy: She gave him the name “Philthy”.
Steve: I think she gave me gonorrhea.
Lemmy: Probably.
Slim Jim: Really?
Steve: Yes.
Lemmy: Probably served you right, anyway, you know.
Steve: I probably asked for it.
Lemmy: Yeah, tomcatting about the place.
Slim Jim: Might as well just have slept with Philthy and cut out the middleman.
Lemmy: With your white vest on and the hankie on your head, Jesus Christ.
Steve: You was, you mentioned earlier that you did, you played a lot with them School Girls, right.
Lemmy: Girl’s School.
Steve: Girl’s School.
Lemmy: I played with school girls but not in the same thing, you know.
Steve: Right. Did you ever have it off with any of them while you were working with them?
Lemmy: I must admit yes, two of ‘em.
Steve: Hmmm.
Lemmy: Not at the same time, you know. I mean one has to draw the line somewhere.
Steve: Yes. One has some morals.
Lemmy: (?) two, though. That would be a breach of etiquette.
Slim Jim: They did “Top Of The Pops” with you guys. Girl’s School and Motorhead.
Steve: Breach of a contract.
Lemmy: No, etiquette.
Steve: Petticoat?
Lemmy: You remember etiquette, don’t you Steve?
Steve: Etticoat Lane.
Lemmy: No, etiquette.
Steve: Oh, etiquette.
Lemmy: You know, what you put over a bed to keep the sheets clean.
Steve: I’ll show you etiquette…(pauses to lift bum to microphone, farts) there’s etiquette.
Lemmy: That wasn’t etiquette.
Steve: What was that?
Lemmy: That was a mouse dying.
Steve: That was, you can tell I’m a virgin though, couldn’t ya?
Lemmy: Yeah, right. It was small, wunnit?
Steve: (German accent) Gudenteiten.
Lemmy: That was just like Frankie (? Sounds like allard) then, you’d better watch out.
Steve: (laughs) Do you know the German word for virgin?
Lemmy: Virgin.
Steve: No. What’s the German word…
Lemmy: Yeah, isn’t it “virgin”, the same?
Steve: No.
(it appears that here that someone has said a naughty word. The conversation jumps to Steve singing a little fanfare)
Slim Jim: I am so happy that I could elicit that response.
Steve: I did that yesterday too. I haven’t done that in two years. It was crazy. Well the German word for virgin is “Gudenteiten”.
Lemmy: Oh…yeah?
Steve: Yeah.
Slim Jim: Wooden what?
Steve: Gudenteiten!
Slim Jim: Oh.
Steve: Don’t you get it?
Slim Jim: (laughs). Wheee.
Steve: Never mind.
Lemmy: You know, it wasn’t that great.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
This interview can be read in its entirety at Kick Down The Doors, the Paul Cook 'n' Steve Jones Site at www.Sex-Pistols.net. Here is a link: http://www.cookandjones.co.uk/jukebox_transcription_index.htm
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