May 16thness

Steve: You know the word “ness”, it’s always put on a lot of the end of words?

Mr. Shovel: Happiness.

Steve: Yeah. Darkness…

Mr. Shovel: Loch Ness.

Steve: Your High-ness. Your Highness, Loch Ness. It’s on a lot of words. Where do you think that came from?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know. I’ll bet George Tercoulias (sp?) could call in and tell us?

Steve: (U.S. accent) Ya think so? Ness. Elliot Ness. Did you say that?

Mr. Shovel: No, you did.

Steve: Elliot Ness, um, ness…ness.

Mr. Shovel: Nestle Quik.

Steve: Nestle Quik.

Mr. Shovel: Mike Ness.

Steve: Nestles. Mike Ness. Vanness. That’s a place in the Valley, innit? Vanness? Not Venice, Vanness. Van Ness. (laughs). What was you gonna say? (in some character voice he made up) Come on pleeeease, don’t keep me waiting Mr. Shovel!

Mr. Shovel: It was not worth it, really.

Steve: Oh…um…ness. Where do birds sleep? In a ness.

Mr. Shovel: Not mine.

Steve: Oh…good comeback.

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Steve: (belches) Oh, pardon me. I had a late breakfast. That’s why I’m burping. I ate very fast. I always eat fast, though. Do you eat fast, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No, I eat…I’m always the last one to finish.

Steve: Really.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m the first one in, first one out. I don’t even chew it. It’s like going down a chute, when I eat. You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: Like a dog.

Steve: Basically, yeah. You know when a dog’s like, sitting there and you sling him something he just goes (makes that abrupt sound like a dog makes when snapping up some food) CHOMP!. There’s no chewing, it’s just gone. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! (laughs). That’s what I eat like. Maybe not that bad, maybe a couple of chews. (imitates a chew-chew CHOMP!)

Mr. Shovel: Are people throwing it at you?

Steve: No, but I’m eating it like that. I’m picking it up, putting it in my mouth, going CHOMP! CHOMP!. Oh, I love it. Let’s go to the Duke.