Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Incubus Succubus III 6-6-06 (updated 6/7 PM)

Incubus Succubus III

Is is just me, or did he sound like Kelsey Grammer?

(The opening theme of Jonesy’s Jukebox fades, overtaken by “Tubular Bells” (more commonly known as the theme from “The Exorcist”)

Incubus Succubus III: Good evening. How are you? Yes. Now you know. This is the Day of The Devil, 666. This is a day of much anguish. There will be hell to pay. You do understand. This is my mellow-devil voice. Do you like it? Put more music, Mr. Shovel. Thank you. This is the Devil’s Concubine, Incubus Succubus the Third. I have come to descend upon Los Angeles, Orange County and Ventura Boulevard. I will put many, many streams down on you. You will be coughing after twelve bells. Chemicals. I hope you enjoy it. I did say twelve “bells” didn’t I? Yes. Take it away, Mister. ("Hell’s Bells" begins to play)

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Incubus Succubus III: Yes. Yes, children of the grave. What a wonderful day it is today. So much anguish. So much pain. So much anxiety. Do you feel it?

I wished it upon you.

You must be soaking it up by now. All the hatred is coming out of your pores. You do concur don’t you, Los Angeles? Orange County. Madison County. Ventura Boulevard. Today is the day we will all be drawn together as one and we will all dissipate into dust. That’s all I’m giving you right now.

Don’t ask me for what songs I played cos it doesn’t matter, because we’re not going to be here after today. So you don’t need to go to iTunes to download anything. It’s all meaningless. I’ll be back.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

It’s been a hundred years. It’s a long time since I descended on thee. Why don’t you go to the Indie website and have a butcher’s at what I look like right now. Do you see me? There’s only so much I can do for you now. I brought you this far. The rest is up to you. Incu-Succubus the Third. I need to get back into my oxygen tank so I will leave you with some music. “Killed By Death” Do you understand?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(the end of the second set featured only Mr. Succubus’ irregular breathing pattern)

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(back from commercial)

Incubus Succubus III: Much better. I have the insulin (?) running through me now. The fire is all inside my veins. My head is ablaze with gasoline. You have no idea what it’s like down here in the core of the earth. Twenty leagues inside the center of the earth. It is so bloody hot, even I, Incubus Succubus the Third, have a hard time sleeping. But I have arisen for this one day. I am the Devil of all devils so I hope you appreciate me coming to the top, to surface amongst you.

Ohhh, it’s so bloody hot…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(After the third set, nice placid music plays in the background)

Incubus Succubus III: This is too jolly, this part. Please put the other bit on, Mr. Shovel. What are you doing to me. (“Tubular Bells” starts again in the background) I have an image to maintain. That’s way too jolly. That’s better. Do you know it’s written in the scriptures, on the tablets. There was no “Last Supper”, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: I think it was a lunch.

Incubus Succubus III: Did you see the lines of cocaine they were snorting on that big long table? The Devil’s dandruff. Yes. There is no truth to the Biblical “sense”. Can you imagine Malcolm McLaren writing the Bible, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: He would have made the whole thing his idea.

Incubus Succubus III: It might as well have been him. It’s just all a load of malarkey.

One doesn’t need to follow history. One just needs to look forward to the future.

Am I being clear? Yes I think you are getting a hang of my verbal incompetence.

Ohh. Tomorrow there will nothing left, Mr. Shovel. Have you ever seen Los Angeles flat, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: You’re just working up an excuse for a day off, I think.

Incubus Succubus III: DON’T EVER interrupt me like that again. I mean, leveled. No trees, no mountains, no buildings. No telegraph poles, no utilities. Just flat. I will make it so, Mr. Shovel.

There’ll be no more dreams. No more aspirations of being on a soap or the newest reality tv show.

THIS is reality Mr. Shovel: No more tomorrow. How’s that for reality for you? Does that make sense in your small, TV Land world? ASHES, that’s all you will have tomorrow. Dust of concrete. Oh what the hell does it matter. I’m going to have a quick little nap ‘til the next lot of music.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(another horribly painful Rubio’s commercial has just played)

Incubus Succubus III: Now you see why I have to level Los Angeles? When you have incompetent commercials like with the “surfer dude” the Bill-and-Ted voice, it’s so old. It must be removed…like everything else in Los Angeles. Don’t worry, Orange County, you will follow. After it is flattened here, I will descend on your neck of the woods. And don’t forget Ventura Boulevard. You and your Seven Elevens will be leveled and your Galleria. Yes. Don’t forget the Galleria.

You think I’m joking, don’t you? You wait and see. Six-Six-Six. It’s been a hundred years since I have been around. (breathes heavily) Why do I bother? Nobody listens. You’re too busy watching “American Idol”. It’s not called “Idol” for nothing. It idles your mind. Don’t get me worked up. I can’t stand your incompetence.

It took me a long time to come from the middle of the earth, up to this radio station. Do you understand how much drilling I had to do to get here? The heat factor? The rubble I had to push to one side with my head? No, of course you don’t understand! Cos you’re too busy playing with your iPods. FOOLS!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Incubus Succubus III: Such torment. Why? Why does man hate man? Why is there such an obsession for power? Why do we kill, to get an extra piece of land? I will tell you why:

Because I have wished it.

We will never be vegetarians. There’s always a side that likes carnivore. And oil. And gambling. And sex for money. There’s always a side that I push the buttons on. It’s the nature of the Beast. Go with your feelings.

Where would we be without wars and destruction? You might watch some documentary where there are killings and say, “Oooh. That is horrific.” But there is always that side that can’t stop watching. That is the side that can be easily swayed in my favor.

I will be back and wrap this soon and leave it to your own devices, you poor, foolish specimens called “humans”. You have no idea the magna and magma and the quagmire.

Yesss…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I hope I’ve exhausted all your avenues for escape. You had your chance yesterday, but now comes the time. I have to go now. I have to drill my way back into the middle of the earth. I can’t use the same way that I came, because it is already filled in. That’s the drag about the earth. Nevertheless, it was worth it, coming here for one hundred years’ worth. I will just take extra morphine when I get back into the middle. Mmmm. Morphine drip. And all the nubiles oozing around at my feet, ready to cater to my every need. You might think it’s called “Hell”, but I call it “Perfect Harmony”. In my world, anyway.

I’m going to leave you incompetent nincompoops to do what you will in this place you call, “life”. YOU ARE FOOLISH TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A FUTURE HERE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE AGGRAVATION THAT IS ABOUT TO COME ON YOU! DO YOU HEAR?

I SAID, DO YOU HEAR????
AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(and with that, he plowed his way back into the bowels of the earth. The End.)



Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Tina here.
This is the mascot of World Cup 2006, Goleo IV, purported to be the "King of Parties" and "he's as cool as they come" according to the FIFA website. As you can see, he is accompanied by his little friend (that he kicks around), Pille the Talking Football, who is a "right chatterbox and wears his heart on his sleeve".
Here's a bit of World Cup news from yesterdays show:
Steve: World Cup next week, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: Oh, goody.

Steve: World Cup. We got to get this ESPN 2 in the studio here so I can watch games. I‘ve got to tell you one thing: If England…like, the first two England games, is next Saturday at six in the morning and the next one’s at nine in the morning, and if for some reason the other England games are on at twelve o’clock, I’m gonna be “sick”. I’m just letting you know right now cos I can’t miss that. That’s the one game I can’t miss is England in the World Cup, if they’re going forward. You understand.

Mr. Shovel: How many times might that happen?

Steve: I don’t know. I doubt if they…I doubt if a lot of the games are going to be at twelve. But I’m just, I’m just letting you know now. That if, if it does coincide with The Box, I’m definitely gonna be “sick”. You can fire me, do what you will, but I can’t miss that.

Mr. Shovel: You’re gonna have to have a doctor’s note.

Steve: I could get a doctor’s note. I have many powers.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I was doing my best to determine the degree of Jukeboxlessness that we could suffer due to the World Cup. It
looks as though Tuesday June 20th, England v. Sweden is at twelve bells is a prospect. Most of the games, when not on the weekend, are at 8 bells Pacific, that is, if I got the time zone thing right. I found a schedule here: World Cup Schedule at BBC Sport. If the time conversion confounds you as it does me, I found this site: World Clock.
~~~ ~~~
Tan Line/ Arse News: A sense of propriety and the presence of mixed company led Steve to keep his trunks on around the pool this weekend. He will have some catching up to do. I am confident that he will keep us updated.
Badass Hybrid news:
Oy.
Chrome Hearts, Pimp that Prius - please. I think this cause is damn near hopeless, though. You'll have to love it for its mind.
I don't see how you could comfortably fit one person in the back of this car, let alone two that are er, .moving around.

Steve: (sings)

Got my Prius it’s for us, my little Prius
See what I can get
Will I get all the tree huggers
in the back seat huggin’ me
Prius
Priustoric
Pre… (you know what I mean…yeah)

Birkenstocks, hemp trousers
I’m gonna go the whole nine yards
And see what kind of minge I can get

I’ll be hangin’ outside vegetarian restaurants
lookin’ for them hairy armpits
I’m bored with the high heels
I need me some high
Birkees

Umm mmm, I’m gonna rub soy beans all over your head
They don’t call me satan for nothin’
I mean, seitan*
It’s a fine piece of fake meat
Mmmm, “I’m gonna give you my seitan, baby!”
Awwww j’yeah

Pre…premat’ch, precumming ahhh, yer gonna get a load of me
Prius I’m half electric, I’m half gas(well you know I’m half gas by now) um hmmm
Prius
Captain Prius I’ve got an electric starship
with a load of buttons and whistles and bells
C’mon hippie, now

Never trust a hippie
Especially one with a ponytail
They all go down to the NAMM show
With their ponytails on and their satin jackets
trying to sell you anything to do with music
the new WD4-6 dimidulator
with the phase quantrain on top of it
“I really want one of those, I think they’re fantastic for when I do my lead guitar”

Prius, oh daddy-o
I’m gonna play some rock and roll
Right now with a bit of Blues Explosion
Burn Off the sunshine
Yeeaaaahhhh

*Seitan, it's the vegetarian wheat-meat!

Friday, June 02, 2006

From June 1 2006 Hank III Visits The Box (updated 6/5)

Welcome back to Chriswasanon! I have a need for brevity - I'm flying out from Glasgow to Malaga and will be away for a week! Heading out tomorrow night - kip in airport - off Sunday morning 5.40 am. Enough.

Hank III's grandfather Hank Williams was a total legend. "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry," THAT man and THAT legend. Yep. Hank senior exerted the same weight of influence in Country music as Elvis did over Rock 'n' Roll.


Hank III and Steve in the Studio. http://www.indie1031.fm/shows/jonesy.php

You can read more info here also here (Hank III's website).


Now this here Hank is work in progress which means to you basically that Tina will be putting more transcript up as and when it's ready. So until then, you will just have to be patient, won't you. Keep checking back!!! Keep reloading the page.


The Sire is wearing new myspace Pontifical vestments at the moment and possibly new Pontifical pantsments too. Who knows...


To summarise. I won't be here for a week ok. So be good boys and girls. I am leaving you in the more than capable hands of Tina. You can have a party if you wish :-) Cheers!


Enjoy yourselves, Enjoy the box! CwA

Tina IS at the Controls!

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a lovely Thursday, it’s about eighty degrees. It’s getting a little bit of smog, though, I’ve noticed today, but still delicious. Yesterday after the show, I went and laid out, put some sun on my arse. I’m getting such an even tan, Mr. Shovel. No tan lines.

Mr. Shovel: Oh. Okay.

Steve: Do I look tan to you?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, very tan.

Steve: It’s coming along, innit?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t want to see your tan line.

Steve: No?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: You don’t want to have a look at my arse?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: You could fry an egg on my arse. But um, today we got Hank the Third coming in hopefully, around, I dunno, 12:15, 12:30. Somewhere in that ballpark. I’m excited about that.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(after the first set of songs, Hank III is here)

Steve: Jonesy’s Jukebox, you’re listening to, with Hank the Third in here. Hello, mate.

Hank III: Helllooo.

Steve: Did I introduce you the right way?

Hank III: Yes, Hank III. Hank the Third, Hank III, we get all kinds of nicknames. Tricephus, all kinds of junk out there man, but that’s what I always say, Hank III.

Steve: And you’ve got your band with you.

Hank III: I got a couple members. Got Mr. Joe Buck in the studio and the front man of Assjack, Gary Lindsey is up and running with us today.

Steve: How did, when did you have the transition…did you start with country?

Hank III: No. I actually started, I was a drummer. I got my first set of drums when I was ten. Black Sabbath, Ted Nugent, Kiss and from there I just really got into harder stuff, or about the beat. So I was in bands until I was about 20, being a drummer and around, I think around 22, I was doing a show, screamin’, playing guitar, opening up for a band called Buzzoven and these police walk up to me and said, “Are you Shelton Hank Williams III?” and I said “Yes” and they said, “Well, here’s some papers.” So I got served papers onstage and it was a chick that waited three years to tell me I had a kid and hit me with $48,000 back pay and the judge said, “Well playing music ain’t no real job”.

So that’s when I went down to music row, (general laughter in the room) got a manager, started taking care of this situation, got on the road to get back into the rock. So I did a couple of years on the road, just doing the straight-up you know, getting used to stop screaming and trying to sing. Cos I was raised in really hard, hard music so, it took a little while, but for the last eight years the Jekyll and Hyde part of the show has been rocking pretty good.

Steve: So you’ve been doing that for like, the last eight years…you start with the traditional stuff, then you go into the speed metal

Hank III: Uh yeah. Pretty much. We have a very wide fan base from eighteen to eighty to metalheads to punk rockers to cowboys to grandmas and granddads and the average-lookin’ people, man. But you know, we’ve been fightin’ hard to get all those people coming together and get along. You’d be surprised. There’s some fights here and there but everybody gets along pretty good, man.

Steve: You had a bit of trouble last night?

Hank III: Good trouble. (laughter in b.g.) It was just a couple big security guards that ain’t ever seen nothin’ like that in their life and when it’s that intimate, and the crowd is right there, it’s just, it’s “on”. So, it was our first time in Riverside and had a…it was pretty deadly, definitely.

Steve: You’re a bad man. (laughter in b.g.)

Hank III: Oh well, y’ know, we are the rebels of Nashville. The black sheep. We’re almost blackballed in that town.

Steve: You guys there, Nashville?

Hank III: My band lives all over the place. Gary’s here in California. Jim’s in Kentucky and I was born and raised in Nashville. But it’s cheap living…hey, you can’t beat it. I like having my space since everything’s on top of us all the time, I need a little land to walk on at the end of the day when I’m home.

Steve: Do you have a ranch?

Hank III: Not a ranch. I call it the Haunted Ranch, but we rent it, but it’s sixty acres, five bedroom house. Thousand bucks a month, ten minutes from downtown and I can play twenty-four hours a day and y’know, have my own concert there and nobody’d know.

Steve: Do you have horses?

Hank III: No. One day, when I retire, I’m gonna take a break from the road. If I make it to fifty, man, that’s when I’m gonna buy a few goats, let ‘em walk around and enjoy cuttin’ grass for the rest of my life.

Steve: They like to eat don’t they, goats?

Hank III: They’ll eat anything and you know, they’re pretty weird to look at. So, gonna get some animals, I’ll sit back and get the rocker out and enjoy.

Steve: I was in Hawaii a couple of years ago, my mate was out there and I was out there visiting him and he had this big house that was rented for him and they had a goat on the land. They would tie him up and give him spaces, when they wanted to empty an area, they’d tie him and he’d just eat that whole area. So I used to go down there. I used to like looking at him and he had these nuts – this big. (laughter in b.g.) And every time I went down there, his thing came out. (more laughter) He was rampant.

Hank III: (laughs) I hear that, I hear that.

Steve: He was funny. He was so funny. What happened to the…lost child?

Hank III: My kid?

Steve: Yeah.

Hank III: Right now he’s…it was a very greedy, hateful way of going about the whole situation.

Steve: Did you know the girl, though?

Hank III: I knew the girl, her dad was a cop. She never even called me to tell me. I mean, it was pretty like, not cool. A stepfather…you know, he has a stepfather goin’ on and um, he’s got the family there, man.

Steve: Do you visit him?

Hank III: I don’t get to because of my reputation and what I do. You know, a judge looks at me and looks at stuff like that. It’s a, it’s a bad setup. But…he’s going to be tracking me down and I’m looking forward to the day to, to sayin’, “What’s up?”.

Steve: How old is he now?

Hank III: He’s about twelve.

Steve: I’m sure he’ll be glad to meet you one day.

Hank III: He’s gettin’ up there, man. He’s gettin’ up there.

Steve: I’m sure you’re more exciting than his stepdad.

Hank III: Oh, yeah. It’s just weird. You know, it’ll come around, man. So I’m thinking of him and taking care of him. You know, I beat this road down to pay that stuff.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(back to interview after playing a couple of records)

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with Hank III.

Hank III: We’re up early-early for us.

Steve: Is that, are you like, late, late bloomers?

Hank III: Well, we’re used to going on at ten to two at night, so we usually get up – I do – from four to five cos it keeps me on my mentality. But we woke up all pretty perky this morning, we were excited to get down, man.

Steve: I’m glad you came down.

Hank III: Yeah, got a good, good day ahead of us.

Steve: You don’t do a lot of interviews?

Hank III: More like underground, do-it-yourself kind of deals, but you know…a few, but getting us to the radio show, the day of the show, uh…it never really happens.

Steve: I’m flattered, then.

Hank III: Aw, heck man, thanks.

Steve: Thanks a lot. That was a band called Chequered Past, doing a song called, “Are You Sure Hank Did It This Way” written by Waylon Jennings. (Note: Steve was a member of Chequered Past)

Hank III: Yeah, the ol' Waltaljian (?) Waylon.

Steve: You must have met…did you meet all them guys when you were younger? Or do you still meet ‘em?

Hank III: Oh, yeah…here and there I do, but I’ve been around old like, David Allen Coe, Willie Nelson, Johnny Paycheck, George Jones, I’ve gotten to have relationships with all them guys. Waylon used to call me when I was in rehab, just being like, “Well, this ain’t what I’d be doin’ to ya. You know, I’d be rehabbin’ ya in a totally different way”. So I got good, good stories like that. He was almost like a father figure. A lot. You know, he was a very intense and awesome guy, man.

Steve: (to his friend, Richard Stark) Who’s the bloke you like, Richard?

Richard: Merle.

Steve: Merle. (to III) Do you like Merle Haggard?

Hank III: Merle Haggard? He scared me to death the first time I met him cos we were all sittin’ a table and a friend of mine like leaned, leaned down to say, “Hey, this is Hank Williams III”, and he kicked up his chair and was like, “I know who he is!” and stood up and shook my hand and then…”Aiiight.” (Richard laughs) Yeah, so I could tell he was, he was wound up and he was kind of in a bad mood. Good to see ya Merle, love ya man. But he had the fire in his eye you know. I could tell he still, he could, he could get ya in some trouble.

Steve: Yeah, yeah. I went and saw him with Richard. Where did we go? Where was that place we went a few years ago? He was in a bad mood that night, wasn’t he?

Richard: Yeah, he was.

Steve: Maybe always in a bad mood…a grumpy old man.

Hank III: He did some jail time, man. So, I don’t know. Maybe something happened in there. (all laugh) I’m just kidding.

Steve: You never know.

Hank III: I hear ya.

Steve: It’s happened to the best of ‘em.

Hank III: No doubt.

Steve: (laughing) "Yaaaaahhhh!" Did you…meet your granddad?

Hank III: Well, my granddad died when my dad was three years old.

Steve: Twenty-nine, right?

Hank III: Yes. He died of a supposed heart attack in the back of a car, going to a gig and most people think Hank Williams was like, forty-something years old. They don’t realize he was twenty-nine and got all that done in that short a time. So…the weird thing is, my dad fell off of a mountain when I was three years old and he almost died. He had his whole face ripped off, his eye came out, they told him he would never sing again. He was in the hospital for over a year and a half, and look what he’s done, you know. He’s got eighty-four plus records and just, you know, he’s been on the road since he was eight years old and still going, you know. So uh, that was kind of the weird death thing that haunts the Williams name a little bit, but he made it through.

Steve: Your granddad…he was a hellraiser, right?

Hank III: Yes, he was…but not all the time. To get…look at the work that he did.

Steve: Exactly.

Hank III: He wasn’t wasted all the time. He would sometimes go a couple of weeks and not even really have a drink and then he’d get stuff done. But when it would let, let it roll, it might turn into two to five days and that’s where a lot of those stories come from at the end of the binge you know, when he’s getting hard to be around and um, so the alcohol played a big part. He still had a grip on it for a while when the back operation - he had a slipped disc in his back and the riding around in those cars – they didn’t know what they were doing back then. So, once they got him opened up and sewn back up, he developed a pretty bad morphine habit and that’s what really took it to the next level. I mean, his leg used to just shake cos the nerves weren’t in place right. But once that came into play, it really started just, he knew he was going. I know he knew he wasn’t going to be around that long. You know, he was tuned in with his God and he knew it.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

From 5/31 Landlord

Welcome back to Chriswasanon!

1. Tina has updated Alan White for you. It can be found below today's post.

2. Such a glorious day today was too. Cosmic - just cosmic! Endless blue skies. So the prospect of either Andalucia on the Costa del Sol,, or a beach party in Galloway makes it hard to choose just which destination to go for. If it's Galloway, you may not see me tomorrow off to lands where there are no computers. But if it's the Costa, well I'll be on the net for a few days yet. Enough.

3. How legible is this font by the way?

4. Did Steve sing that one to the tune of Shakin' Stevens - "This ole house." I wonder. I was busy eleswhere I'm afraid. I missed to my chagrin and woe woe thrice woe, the reminiscences on squatting Tina. Being something of an old squatter myself I was after wondering idly if any of it will appear here in a transcripturisical form?

5. The myspace Steve news. Nope nothing new there. But Tina's post today is something new.

"The Landlord's here to visit..."

See what you think!

Chriswasanon.

TINA IS AT THE CONTROLS!

Steve: It’s always something innit, when you’ve got a house. Always something. That’s the one good thing about renting. You just make a phone call. Hopefully, if you’ve got a good landlord, it gets taken care of. But when you own a house, it’s always something going wrong. Always something. What other…oh yeah, I had to get pool equipment cos the pump broke and I needed a new filter and uh, what was the other thing? There’s always something. At least once a month. You’re lucky if you get a couple of months without having to do anything and I’m very low maintenance, you know. It’s just me and I don’t use a lot of things like, I never do dishes. I never have a pile of dishes, you know what I mean cos it’s just me. I take a shower once a month so I don’t have to wash a lot.

Mr. Shovel: Change your sheets, how often?

Steve: Once every two weeks.

Mr. Shovel: Oh. That’s impressive.

Steve: Yeah. So it’s very low maintenance but still things happen. Oh, well. I have a man-boy though, who stays there, who…he’s very low maintenance. I get him out of the cupboard every now and again. He throws some Cracker Jacks on the ground to entertain me. (starts playing his guitar a bit) I keep forgetting to go and get a new tuner cos ole Mr. Strange took mine and I’m incapable of tuning a guitar meself. It’s going out. I’m going to have to go today. (sings)

Oh, this old house is made from all hard work
Bricks and mortar with a tar room with no shingles
It’s not one thing or another
If it’s trees getting caught in the pipes in the toilet
And Dynorod cleans the toilet (http://www.dynorod.co.uk/)
They put snakes down it, all the way down the shaft
Dynorod and Roto Rooter (http://www.rotorooter.com/)

Pool equipment it pumps the iron
In keeps the liquidity flowing in ze pool
I don’t have a heater cos it’s a rip off
It’s like six hundred bucks more on your electricity bill
It’s too much
If you just wait for the Summer
It heats itself all day long
Don’t buy a heater because no one swims in ze Winter
In ze Winter

(Mr. Shovel inserts audio of Ray Winstone’s character Gary “Gal” Dove from the film, “Sexy Beast”:

Dove: it’s like a sauna. A furnace. You could fry an egg on my stomach.

Steve: (continues to sing)

Don’t put any lotion on your body, you must fry and get skin cancer
Skin cancer is good for the doctors
You need to pay ze bills

(more Sexy Beast here)

I suggest you put frying oil on your body and burn burn baby burn
Who cares about 55 sunblock
Cos I don’t fry 55 I don’t fry 55

I also have an ant epidemic
I even found a little mouse that had eaten some poison
(He was all swollen, poor little sod)
I tried to remove him from the driveway
But he would just make these weird little noises
So I got ze broom and brushed him aside
So I didn’t flatten him with my tires
(I called him Mickey)

I also have spiders in the bathroom
They seem to like it there
It’s so much cooler there than the other rooms
But I put ‘em in the bathtub and run ze water
and watch them curl up like little soccer balls

(Mr. Shovel plays a station ID recorded by Ray Winstone)

Winstone: Oh, you’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on 1031. You could fry an egg on his arse.

Steve: (still singing)

Yes, on my arse

I think I’m dying of asbestos
My lungs are filled with glue
But I kind of like that sound of asbestos
Where would we be without poisonous substances

I wouldn’t be immune of anything in this lovely place
Oh how much fun it is being a landlord
“Can you afford it? No? Then you will be removed!”

Raise the taxes,
Lower the drawbridge…

Floratina and Chriswasanon production "transcriptions for the people" 2006.