Friday, January 30, 2009
Cough cures, t-shirts and cooking...
I made this and umm...well you could click on it if it was worthy which it isn't sooo obviously OMG but if you did and got a beeeg one missus (oooh fnaar etc.) and er saved it as wallpaper for your desktop or just simply shoved it in some folder with all the other crap somewhere you could lose it, just like you always do. Yeah, you know you do and why do I know this? Because I do too...
Welcome back to ChriswasAnon, the blog that should be about a Sex Pistol but you can forget that for starters because there is no mention of a 2008 Combine Harvester TouR anywhere! This is not to my mind a huge problem, why cover the same stuff that everyone else does? You know that Phil Jens site www.sex-pistols.net is Sex Pistols No 1. for all inf on the group. But a very special thanks to Stuart W. for the fanatastic Christmas card! Cheers Stu! Gather ye round...drone..mumble..whilst yore old Uncle Chris...drone...ramble.
When I first started to listen to the show aeons ago and was doing lots of fannying around on MySpace, I had this idle hanker for a Jonesy's Jukebox t-shirt...fanx for listening. So the above vectored hack is my tribute as it were. In true make do and mend style. I of course no doubt shared this urge for a Jonesy jukebox t-shirt with at least 639 trillion people. I do not have any sort of cat in hell's chance of getting one. I like to dream though that @the perv's boutique at 430, Kings Road (tell them nothing, you are an enemy of the state) it is possible to just tear asunder ye outer facade interior and Lo! there is revealed the original "decor." Simon Bollocks seemed to think so.
Or is this a little more like the fabled and fully stocked warehouse of mothballed Seditionaries gear from 1979? Well, BOY did buy the rights to the designs. Then the Japanese took away everything else removable years ago. Including Park Lane. Dinnae kid yersel. Watch out for the fuju!!! Puffer fish.
Any way maybe somewhere in an attic or a bijou condo or well just some gaff in LA. Just maybe - there lies a pile of soft cotton, screen-printed juke-box t-shirts in a box or a bag. They're just waiting to be matched to their eventual loving owners. They had better not go into the City's dumpster, right?
Brian who looked like a crusty and was in the UK Subs gave me a Die Toten Hosen t-shirt- more about them in the next paragraph. It was given in turn to to him by Bretti, and was a promo for their album, "Die Gentlemen Bitte Zur Kasse." The people to who you pay up! So why can't I have now have one of these jukebox t-s for the modest collection of moth eaten rubbish? Perhaps you have to understand. Well, Mr. Jones and Mr. Shovel - may they prosper - could set me a tricky task if they wanted to - some modest quest perhaps - to earn the right. Or are my breasts not pneumatic enough or my butt bubbly enough? Shovel knows that I did try to reproduce "Speaking in Tongues," flubble luddle blubble - but it din't quite work in fact it was a bish...it's here somewhere in this mess.
The human mind Holmes it is my contention has a massive capacity for obsession and blinkered thinking....I mean what do we know of this young lady? Not in any biblical sense, you pranny! I would dearly like to know what is going on here? What are we meant to think? Was the lass claiming she had simply nothing to wear tonight for the masqued ball? Probably not? Was she ordering a...four seasons pizza with extra mozarella and aceitunas? Well... could she have been trying to get through to the station in order to win tickets to the House of everything but Blues...?Not that either. There can only be one paranoid explanation! Yes! It was because she was after a bleedin' Jonesy's jukebox t-shirt - the cow! Jealous mode on.
Well I don't know Doris, I think she had enough tat to be going on with quite frankly. As usual with those who have everything, they always want more. Pah! Look at all dat loot! What can you see? Well, there is a blue para, at least 5 Pistols Seds t-shirts, an "Arthur 2 Sheds" worth of God Save the Queen promos, including a Reid flag, some very excellent Pistols posters... Oodles and poodles my loves and to top that - she had on what looks to me like an "original" Westwood - McLaren Anarchy Shirt! Put some bondage on dear and "complete the look." Then she could pop down the chippy and get me a fish supper if ours known as the "Florentine" actually hadn't closed up and had the original Scottish Italian decor ripped out by visionary builders in order to be turned into a bar with a bit footie screen and a pool table installed for the local lager swilling youth.
This "look" is one of a completely loopy noo-nah mad self obsessed fan. Fantastic! Just like me! Tell her she has the wrong answer Mr. Jones, she doesn't need any more t-shirts. Whistle it faster! Hang up on her!
Who was the model in the shot? Did Reid create that set for the shoot? I first saw this picture on a picture disc in the 80's...blah blah blah...
Tomorrow...the Blitz Kids!
Today...Ayurvedic cough medicine!
Take one bowl and one banana and one fork or knife. Mash 'im up man, get that good local honey gathered from hives where bees hang-out no less than 30 miles away from you. What do you mean, you do not have a:
beekeeper handy?!?! OK, then it will just have to be a pot or jar from the supermarket or mall but do,do do try and make the effort next time. Got all that? Good, now go grind in a pepper mill - the one that clothes horse used for the four seasons pizza probly - about 2-teaspoon of black pepper corns into a mortar and pestle which I will explain...
Hmm, this reminds me of that obscure video tape where Charley Harper of the UK. Subs makes a pot of Spaghetti Bolognese. He's come back from the pub with my good friend Lefty..and they are both some-what, "lit up," as they say. Mr.Lefty had a video camera in them days and decided to carri-on interviewing Charley whilst the man cooked some post BEER noshup for them in the cocina, the kitchen, si? There was about half an hour's worth of Spag bol with Harper as I recall. It appeared on the end of a "Non Stick" video tape filmed at the Astoria or somewhere in olde London Townne with the Subs giving it some noisy welly. Videos eh? Back in the day...there was no DVD then you young rip! Nor blue teeth or rays...Now this particular vid is in fact called,(what else but, "Cooking with the UK Subs). It is quite, quite quaite obscure...But fun and worth seeking out if you like to see aging punks quietly making supper - instead of shouting, "Stranglehold on you!" in front of a crowd of elderly people who look like they are hiding from their children and grandchildren for the night.
I have a copy of it but it is covered in thick grease and fat (blechhh). I kept it in me kitchen for 12 years - along with the packet mix macaroni cheese. mmm, tasty! Where was I? Ah yes weird cough meds. And I have tried this by the way and it does work!
...So here's that mortar and pestle...
Crush the remnant of black pepper in 'im as if you was a witch..or a wizard. No need for some of dem spells. Mix up a good dose of runny or set honey into the 'nanas that are in the bowl and then spoon a tsp of crushed flat black pepper corns into bowl. Or two...or three...How do I know of how many invalid coughers you comprise? Just share it all out in proportion to the amount of coughing and bird flu you are liad low with. As many as you like or as little. Then eat it all up nice and easy...close your eyes...slowly...concentrate...now...
Are you on that Higher Plane yet?
Oh no! Not Anarchy, that's boring. Can we play on the Xbox 360? No, you will enjoy these scanz of a famous Glasgow fanzine from wayback in '76. Now stop complaining and help yer old grandad into his bondage kilt.
I am not doing this only because I have mental problems and cannot stop thiNking about PuNk for5 minuteS, well I am but I'm also more doing it because I have more bits and pieces that I would really like to share. Before that Rat Scabies comes around and complains about one half an interview...and makes me go and see, The Dr. Space Toad Experience with Captain Sensible.
Well it will get rid of that tickly cough...the meds, I mean not the Toads.
I'm so good for you.
edit version 5.
Chris was Anon.