Thursday, January 18, 2007

Alexi Lalas Visits The Box 1-17-07 *Updated 1/19*

I've added some more, including the part where Steve mentions that possibility of the Pistols playing some shows (none in U.S., sorry) this summer...

(The opening theme ends and we hear notes being played on a guitar)

Mr. Shovel: (Doing a very convincing impression of The Sire, right down to the usual guitar notes) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. (a couple more notes) Uhh…knackered. (laughs, then speaks as himself) That’s your cue to walk down the hall, c’mon! (laughs and plays a few more notes) How ‘bout we start it all over again…? (then we hear the entire opening theme music run through all over again. It’s all very Monty Python…all they need is a “larch”.)

Steve: (again with the guitar notes) Comin’ ta git’cha (laughs) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. It’s five after twelve…what’s going on here? Here’s me hanging around and nothing’s happening. (laughs) No, I was in the hallways just kind of like, looking at walls and all of a sudden I look at the watch and realize it’s five after twelve. Oh, it’s a funny game, innit? (plays the ‘comin’ ta gitcha sting) Comin’ ta gitcha, baby. Oh, I wish I could do that faster. (plays it a couple more times) Is that faster? I’m actually in a good mood, considering it’s raining. The only thing I don’t like about it…is when it first rains, everyone smashes into the back of everyone else. Cos most drivers in L.A. are idiots and they don’t realize that when it first rains it’s very oily – when it ain’t rained in a while – and the just (makes like someone is mindlessly tooling along) dum-dee-doidy-doidy-dee, on the cell phone, (crash) right into the back of someone cos they don’t, they’re driving the same speed, fools. You know what, it’s not their fault. It’s the Department of Motor Vehicles’ fault for not making the test harder. I mean, it’s a joke. I’ve said this before. I’m like a broken record. I’m like a broken iPod, I should say. (plays a few notes) Comin’ ta gitcha…got Lexi Lalas coming on The Box in a little while…(to Mr. Shovel) you know I’m going to Sundance, don’t you? You’re going, as well.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m going to be there, doing The Box.

Mr. Shovel: I’m flying, you’re driving.

Steve: Yeah. I’m driving cos that’s the way I roll, Mack Daddy. I’m going with ah…well it’s top secret, I can’t really say who I’m going with. I’m going with a convoy of Navy Seals but they told me not to say nuffing. I’m going with them, I’m going through the mountains. We’re going to stop off at this place where they, this underground place where they test bombs and stuff, stop there, do a survey.

Mr. Shovel: The bunker.

Steve: Yeah. The bunker. Doing The Box Monday, there. I’m going to be doing a Joe Strummer party Saturday night, for the movie that Julian Temple did, I’m in it. I’m doing the after-party, deejaying, interviewing punters down there and doing The Box live. I guess twelve bells there ain’t twelve bells here, is it?

Mr. Shovel: No, it’s one o’clock there.

Steve: So we start it there at one then, to keep it on at twelve here?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: One to three.

Mr. Shovel: Monday.

Steve: Twelve to two, here…one to three in Utah.

Mr. Shovel: You won’t be here Friday cos you’ll be driving.

Steve: I’ll be driving with the Navy Seals.

Mr. Shovel: Not flying.

Steve: Not flying. If I can avoid flying, I will. I think the next time I’m going to go to England, I’m going to get train and boat and train. Just to see what happens. I’m not into the flying. I’ve gone weird in me old age. Panic attacks.

Mr. Shovel: But being buried in a snow drift all winter, that’s…

Steve: As long as me head’s sticking out, I don’t care.

Mr. Shovel: Okay.

Steve: As long as I can…I don’t care if I’m buried up to me head, long as I can see what’s going on around me. (sighs) I can’t deal with the airports. It’s not the planes, it’s the airports. All the nonsense that you have to deal with now, with airplanes. So ridiculous (to have to) take your trainers off. What all the luggage underneath the bleedin’ train? That’s what they need to sort out, it’s not about your trainers. Retards. They’re all morons as well, who work in airports. My mate went in last went, went on a plane, had all this junk and they didn’t find it.

Mr. Shovel: What kind of junk?

Steve: You know, stuff you’re not meant to have.

Mr. Shovel: Why?

Steve: Cos he forgot.

Mr. Shovel: Sure he’s not a terrorist?

Steve: Nope.

Mr. Shovel: Testing the system?

Steve: No, he’s not. I don’t know any terrorists.

Mr. Shovel: What’d he have, like…toothpaste?

Steve: Yeah. Exactly. Stuff like that and tweezers…you know, normal toiletry nonsense. I know a Boston Terrier. Is that like a terrorist?

Mr. Shovel: Did they throw the tea in the harbor?

Steve: It’s four-legged. A Boston Terrier, you’ve never heard of a dog called a Boston Terrier?

Mr. Shovel: Yessss.

Steve: Boston terror. He’s a right little terror. What’s happening. Should we play some rock and roll. You know what I want to play – because I can? I’m going to play this. Track fourteen. This is a…I love this bit of music…music composed by, oh, it’s by Jack Nietche I just realized. You remember that movie “Starman” with Geoff Bridges? I love this music. Track fourteen, let’s hear it then we’ll go into something else that’s called “Starman”.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: What’s going on, mate? I hear you’re a busy lad lately.

Alexi: It’s been a helluva week. We signed David Beckham down at The Galaxy so my job is about spreading the word, if it needs to be spread right now…everybody’s going crazy right now.

Steve: When’s he going to start kicking a ball?

Alexi: Well, he’s got to finish out his contract right now over in Real Madrid and then this summer he’ll come stateside and start playing down at the Home Depot Center down in Carson for us, probably sometime in the middle of July.

Steve: When does the season start, (for the) Galaxy?

Alexi: The season for us starts at the beginning of April so we’ll play about half the season without him unless something changes with his contract in Real Madrid and then we’ll welcome him with open arms down there.

Steve: It looks like that could happen sooner by what (you hear on) Sky News.

Alexi: There’s craziness going on over there in Madrid, with what they’re talking about but listen, we did this deal under the assumption that he wouldn’t be with us until the middle of the year and that’s okay for us because we had a really good team down there anyway and it’s just going to get better when he comes.

Steve: So legally, if he did get the boot right now, could he join you guys?

Alexi: Yeah I mean, if, if they were able to work something out, you know, he certainly could…but right now he’s the property of Real Madrid until the end of the season. We’d love to get him and he’s a great player. He’s going to do, he’s already done an incredible amount in terms of attracting some attention to the team, The Galaxy, to the league, to the sport, all that kind of stuff.

Steve: Word is, you’ve already sold a bunch of seats for the…

Alexi: Yeah, yeah. We’re selling tons of seats. We sold thousands just in the twenty-four hours after and we continue to sell them right now. So it’s been good for business but you know as well as I do we’ve gotta kick a ball around and that’s the most important thing is the team does well and he does well.

Steve: But there’s a lot of birds who’ve come up to me and said, “Are you going to get him on the Jukebox?” And then they say – you know, birds who have no clue what football is or soccer.

Alexi: We’ll sell tickets to them, too.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: So…I’m sure all the hype and all the rest of it with Beckham and all that, you’ve been doing lots of press.

Alexi: Yeah, it’s been crazy. I mean, we’ve had people from every corner of the earth calling us and so it’s good for our brand, for the Galaxy to get out there. Everyone now associates David Beckham with The Galaxy which is wonderful but it’s been nuts in our office – in a good way.

Steve: Why do you think he is so popular?

Alexi: I think first and foremost there’s the soccer part of it and you know, from a young age he started to do well. They won championships at Man U, he was scoring…there’s something about a free kick goal cos it’s the one time really in soccer where it stops. We talk about soccer being a free-flowing sport but on free kicks it stops and there is all focus and attention on this one person who is, in this case, hitting a shot and he’s an artist at doing that and so everyone was going crazy about it. Any way you slice it, he’s a good-looking man, that doesn’t hurt. You marry one of the Spice Girls and you know, you play for some very very big clubs and one thing leads to another. You know, there’s a curiosity about him, what he does on the soccer field and what he does off the soccer field.

Steve: He must have a big uh…(pauses, searching for a word)

Alexi: Careful…

Steve: …a – not a big knob…I don’t know, maybe he does. You’ll have to tell me when you’re in the locker room, ambassadoring in the showers. Um, but there’s a big uh…now you’ve thrown me off again, talking about knobs. (Alexi laughs) Why are you doing this to me. Um, he must have a big…machine.

Alexi: Yes, it is a machine.

Steve: And he works his machine.

Alexi: Well of course, of course. Listen, I mean there is an incredible intelligence to this person and not just as the soccer player but as a businessman. He’s in on any type of, any joke, any perceived joke I mean, he sees a whole lot of what’s going on before it actually happens and uses it to his advantage and that, that to be quite honest, that’s part of what attracted us to him because he is smart about what he’s doing and we need smart people on and off the field.

Hey, you were telling me earlier that you’re obviously feeling better and you’re in shape, which you are…are you going to go out and play, or what?

Steve: What, football?

Alexi: No, no.

Steve: Oh, rock and roll?

Alexi: Yes.

Steve: There is talk about us doing some shows in the summer.

Alexi: I was driving up here, I was like, “I’ve gotta ask him, I’ve gotta figure out what’s going on.”

Steve: Yeah…Sex Pistols…there’s a good chance, very good chance that we’ll be playing in London in the summer and Moscow, and Japan. There’s a good chance.

Alexi: Like, Moscow the…

Steve: Well as you would say, “MosCOW”.

Alexi: Wow, you’re going to go to MosCOW.

Steve: (imitates U.S. sort of accent) Yeah, MosCOW and sackker (soccer). Yeah. Apparently.

Alexi: How do you feel about going to Moscow?

Steve: I’m a bit, I’m a bit wary. We was talking (earlier in the show) about being kidnapped and all that. I’m a bit wary there. They’re a funny mob.

Alexi: It’s like the wild west out there now.

Steve: Yeah, anything goes.

Alexi: Hey, you’ll fit in. You’ll be fine.

Steve: Bit worried for me life.

Alexi: You’ll be good. That’s great!

Steve: Yeah. So…you still won’t get to see us.

Alexi: No. So, what – you just don’t want to do anything in the States or what?

Steve: No, we played here about…I think we get more money in places like that. We’ve never been to Moscow, we’ll probably get more dough there.

Alexi: So, it’s not about the art?

Steve: No. It’s always about the dough nowadays. You kidding me?

Alexi: (laughs)

Steve: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind playing but, it’s about time we got paid. We never got paid.

Alexi: Right. So you’re making up for lost time.

Steve: Green Day’s took all our money.

Alexi: (laughs) Oh, here we go…

Steve: Not that I’m resentful or nothing. (laughs) No, good luck to them. But you know…them days are gone, to me, when people would say, “Oh, you sold out, you sold out.” Sold out to what? What does that mean, “selling out”. What does that mean?

Alexi: I don’t know. At this point it’s all been blurred.

Steve: We earned our brownies last year when we turned down the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. What more…you know what I mean?

Alexi: Yeah.

Steve: “Selling out”.

Alexi: So, two shows in each city?

Steve: I say, “Sell everything, take the money”.

Alexi: Sell everything…well, that’s what we’re trying to do.

Steve: Yeah. Do you think I’ll be able to get him on The Box, Beckham?

Alexi: I don’t know. I’ll ask him. I’m the “Ambassador” (a title bestowed upon him by Steve) so I’ll…

Steve: Not ask him. You make him.

Alexi: (resignedly) All right. I’ll make him.

Steve: You’re the Ambassador.

Alexi: You know what, people that are good to The Galaxy…you know, we like to steer people in their direction so when he gets here I’ll ask him.

Steve: I’ve played on that Galaxy turf – with you!

Alexi: Yes you have. Very well, I might add. You didn’t embarrass yourself…

Steve: Well there was…

Alexi: What, you want to bring it up? (Steve starts laughing) I was told specifically not to bring up the time that you played there and had a wonderful game you were doing great and then you had point-blank shot, no problem, no goalkeeper or anything and…

Steve: There was a goalie there! I just missed an open goal.

Alexi: There was a goalie on the field, (but) there was no goalie between the goal and…well, all right. Whatever. We have video evidence.

Steve: I just did one of my riverdance moves and just completely blew it.

Alexi: I’m not saying it wasn’t beautiful. I’m just saying it wasn’t really productive in terms of scoring goals…

Steve: People were laughing at me (I was there, no they weren’t) But I did play on the…that turf’s a bit rough.

Alexi: Oh, don’t blame the turf (general laughter).

Steve: It was a bit knobbly.

Alexi: All right. I’ll give you that.

Steve: It bounced a little bit.

Alexi: It wasn’t the best. We’ll try to get it manicured next time you come.

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