October 17, 2006 - Over Birds

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, it is two and a half minutes after twelve bells. It’s warmer and I heard, looking at the Weather Channel that it’s going to be seventy-nine (degrees) tomorrow. So my prayers are being answered. I’ve been praying to the Lord to raise the temperature a bit and the Lordeth provideth. Hopefully, anyway. (starts playing a bright-sounding riff on his guitar) That’s more uplifting chords, innit? It’s like, you know, “the sun’s coming through, everything’s going to be all right”, it’s them kind of chords, wouldn’t you say? Isn’t it funny how you associate some chords to certain things? Have we been told that that’s what is “uplifting”, we’ve been told that or is it something that sounds uplifting? You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah well, the minor chords evoke an emotion…

Steve: Right.

Mr. Shovel: …“negative”, “bummer”.

Steve: Right. (picks up his bright riff again)

Mr. Shovel: Now, try throwing a minor in there.

Steve: There was! This one…(plays it again) here we go…there’s a minor. Don’t you hear it? There’s only one minor, though. (the whole thing still sounds cheerful) Why can’t I get the rhythm down.

Mr. Shovel: Sounds like “Jack and Diane”.

Steve: No, that’s…(plays “Jack and Diane”, sings the first line) I don’t know the rest of it. It’s kind of similar, I guess. This is very dramatic, as well. Am I not hearing myself? What’s going on here. (starts playing riff again, substituting more muted chords) Similar, innit? What else is uplifting? Uplifting…uplifting…uplifting…oh, I know. No, this is kind of down. (experiments some more) That could be a number of songs, that, you know? (sings) Raindrops keep falling on my head…but that doesn’t mean my eyes are too big for my head…

I don’t feel as funky as yesterday, but I still feel funky. I was happy to see the sun this morning. A lot of other people were funky as well you know, yesterday. So I was told from them…either they were just saying to make me feel better, but…I don’t know. There was something weird in the energy yesterday. The air, there was a change of something, a shift of something, I don’t know. It was horrible. (sighs) I’m so bored with crumpet, too. It’s a pain in the ass.

Mr. Shovel: Whose?

Steve: (laughs) Ayyyyy, forgeddaboutit. Just over birds, man. Wish I was gay. So much easier. Blokes know how you think, you know what I mean? (playing a tune as he speaks) Just have an arrangement. Birds think differently, make no sense to me.
(sings)

Birds birds
Bees
Please
No birds

No bees
No bumblebee tuna
For me
I’ve had it with birds

I’ve had it with bees
I’m telling you I’m on my knees
To get rid of the birds
and the bumblebees

What is it with the way
their brain is wired
It’s too complex for me
The way they compute

I can’t handle it
anymore
Too much wondering
what birds are for

The way they think
What they want
They don’t know
So I don’t know
I give up thinking
or trying to figure out
what they want

When you agree with the crumpet
you’re a dead man
you’ve got to stand up
for your nuts
and do what’s right for you

It’s on my terms
when I feel better
the power of minge
is a powerful thing

Oh if I need friends
I’ll get me a doggie
one who is pleased to see me
when I get home
from a hard day of dealing
with crumpet
It makes no sense to me