Thursday, March 01, 2007

Colin H. Christ - February 28 2007

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. It is two minutes after twelve bells on a very chilly Wednesday morn. I woke up this morning about 8:30, I went outside just to get a feel of the temperature and it was cold, it was cold. I even wore a sheepskin coat here this morning, that’s how cold I was. Very strange. I guess not…it’s February, innit? It should be cold, what am I talking about? (laughs) But clear, cold but clear. I actually don’t mind it, to be honest with you because you know we’ve got a hot summer coming. It’s going to be, my prediction – a scorcher. Could be wrong, got a funny feeling, though. The climate is changing…

Mr. Shovel: It’s pretty safe territory, to say it’s going to be hot this summer.

Steve: (U.S. accent) And we ain’t gonna get any rain this summer, I predict that.

Mr. Shovel: Hot and dry.

Steve: Hot and dry and sticky. No rain, I predict. No snow, as well this summer. (back to normal) What’s this thing about James Cameron? Have you read this thing about he thinks he’s found the bones of…

Mr. Shovel: The tombs.

Steve: Tombs?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Of Jesus?

Mr. Shovel: And his family.

Steve: Is that possible? Anything’s possible…

Mr. Shovel: Sure.

Steve: I hope he has cos it would throw all them Bible Belters completely into a tailspin if he’s found Jesus’ remains.

Mr. Shovel: I think we’re going to find James Cameron’s remains probably…

Steve: Probably, yeah. Do you think the coffin…is it in a coffin or tomb?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s like a stone coffin.

Steve: Are they saying he wasn’t pinned up on a cross then, or that comes with the cross, in the tomb?

Mr. Shovel: They’re not saying that. They’re just saying that he perhaps was married and had a kid.

Steve: Well, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Mr. Shovel: All the names match the names…

Steve: Oh, so supposedly, as it goes in the biblical Bible or whatever it is, that he was a single bloke and never had it off with anyone?

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: Hmm. So he’s kind of like me. Kind of just…a loner.

Mr. Shovel: Except he never did.

Steve: I’m…saying he didn’t have a relationship.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe if he had lived longer and gained a bunch of weight (laughing) he might have had the same problem but I think it was a choice on his part.

Steve: We don’t know how, he could have been…they didn’t have hamburgers back then. They didn’t have In-N-Out.

Mr. Shovel: Lotta fish.

Steve: Yeah. Lot of seas parting, lot of fish flapping about. Lot of wine that turned from water into the wine.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. And you never know what’s going to happen after that.

Steve: Well, that wine keeps your weight down, it’s a fact. Look at the French.

Mr. Shovel: It’s good for your heart.

Steve: Look at the French, they’re not fat. And look at us lot. Humongous.

Mr. Shovel: They don’t have a lot of fast food joints over there.

Steve: Yeah. So, he drunk a lot of wine, that’s why he wasn’t fat, Jesus. Was that his real name or was that his stage name, “Jesus”?

Mr. Shovel: I think he probably just picked that one up along the way. It was probably something like Fred.

Steve: His name was Colin Smith, probably.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, boring.

Steve: That doesn’t sound right. “If I’m going to be one of these blokes who’s going to be a legend written about in Bibles, I’ve got to come up with a better name. Let me think. Incubus? No, that’s not good. Um, Caligulilus? No, that’s not right…

Mr. Shovel: Already taken.

Steve: “Jesus…hang on…Jesus…Jesus Christ. That sounds good. Let’s run with that one for a little while and see if it sticks.”

Mr. Shovel: It was brilliant to name himself after an exasperated swear word.

Steve: Yeah. He knew that people were going to say, “Jesus Christ!” He wasn’t stupid, was he?

Mr. Shovel: Uh uh.

Steve: He knew how to work the publicity machine.

Mr. Shovel: Well, we had like, Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious, Rat Scabies.

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: You know, you’ve got to go with an image.

Steve: All the good ones. Englebert Humperdink.

Mr. Shovel: Incubus Succubus.

Steve: Sting. Elvis Costello.

Both: Jesus.

Mr. Shovel: He was one of the first one-name artists.

Steve: He was the first. Madonna, Sting, Jesus. Quinn Martin in there somewhere. So what’s going to happen to determine if he was ol’ Mr. Christ?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they’re gonna definitively be able to determine that.

Steve: Not with DNA?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they have a DNA sample to compare it to.

Steve: Is Jesus in “The Last Supper” picture?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, he’s right there in the middle. Dishing it up.

Steve: Oh. See, he’s eating again. It’s the last one, though. That’s why he didn’t get fat cos it was his last supper. Got it. So he was a virgin?

Mr. Shovel: Well, according to his publicists.

Steve: Maybe they could have sent ol’ Babydol round there to have a word with him, persuade him. He could have been in the black book.

Mr. Shovel: Well, he is. Different one.

Steve: Is he under “Jesus Christ” or he’s got a fake name? Colin Smith?

Mr. Shovel: His code name was “Tommy Lasorda”

Steve: (belch) Pardon. Tommy Sortof. I think we need to get her on The Box, mate. We need to get Babydol Gibson on The Box.

Mr. Shovel: And we should bring her on the show, too.

Steve: Yeah. If anyone’s out there who’s got a contact with her, I’d like to get her on Friday to find out what it’s all about.

Mr. Shovel: You know what’s funny is, once you just admitted to it and said, “Who cares?” all the TV cameras went away.

Steve: I know, I’m insulted.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(later in the show)

Steve: Friday, we have a guest coming on. Do you want to know who that guest is, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I do.

Steve: It is the world famous Babydol Gibson.

Mr. Shovel: I just want to say I don’t know how my name got in that book, I have never met her.

Steve: She’s coming on The Box, twelve bells, Friday. Got to put the word out, the word came back. It’s definitely booked for..Friday...twelve bells, Babydol Gibson. It’s all in the book. I hope she brings me a book and signs it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love your site - I cant get to listen to Steve myself - need a better computer - but your site keeps me up to date with the old scoundrel - great to see he's doing so well and having fun by the looks of it - should be a corker when he meets "the madam".
Thanks for the great site again.
very best wishes