from 2/19/07

Steve: I’ve got to say, I am enjoying the rain. We haven’t had rain, much rain this year and to have a bit of rain is actually refreshing. I’m kind of enjoying it…hopefully it will keep the summer down a little bit and there won’t be all these fires and I still got a feeling it’s going to be a hot summer.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a new look at the world for you, Steve. Normally you don’t like the rain.

Steve: Well another reason why I don’t mind the rain is cos I’ve got this neighbor behind me and she has a big house and it kind of faces my house, where she entertains, so whenever she has any kind of party or she’s just hanging out...she’s an older lady...she could be a bit Mutt and Jeff-deaf, so I’ve just got a feeling that she has her music a lot louder than anyone normal, with a subwoofer that just

drives me up the wall. And it puts me in a funk. Puts me in a complete funk…it put me in a funk where I called up a real estate (agent) this morning and said, “Do you got anything out there?”

It just bums me out when people make a lot of noise for six or seven hours and you can’t get away from it other than go out, which I didn’t want to do. I was in the Sex Pistols - I can’t even stand listening to music that loud, you know what I mean - in me own house. But my point is, when it rained, for some reason it deadened the noise a little bit so maybe I’ll just create a rainforest outside the back yard so it’s just raining all the time. I was going to build a wall but I don’t think…someone told me that might not necessarily make any difference. I don’t know. I just want to be left alone. That’s all. I just want to be in a house where there’s no noise and that’s all I want. It’s not like I’m asking for a lot.

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I have a neighbor who drives me up the wall
She’s got a big subfoofer oh yeah
I think she’s mutt and deaf
And can’t hear as well as I
My sensitive kingly ears

What am I gonna do with this
Mutt and Jeff neighbor
Who seems to get a thrill out of
Having her subwoofer way too loud
So loud I can’t even think in my own house oh no

What shall I do
Fire stinkbombs over
Near her Jacuzzi
Near her bedroom
Stinky stinkbombs oh yeah

Steve: Maybe I can get it out if I sing about it. Maybe it’s a sign. See, a yoga person, a tree hugger, would look at the positive in someone when they’re making a noise. “Oh, that’s God telling you to go out for a walk, do something productive” or “practice patience” or something in that nature.

Mr. Shovel: Why don’t you just bust out the Marshall stack?

Steve: Well, I could do that, but then probably all the other neighbors would call the cops on me for making a noise. I wonder if she gets complaints from any other neighbors? I’m the only one she’s really facing, that is the drag and it seems like wherever I move to, all the houses I’ve been in, there is someone who does something that’s just retarded.

Mr. Shovel: You could point one of those secret lasers that make her burn up at her.

Steve: Yeah. We’ll get one of them at the spy shop. Maybe that’s an alternative. Let’s play on this President’s Day…what is the date today? Is it the…

Mr. Shovel: Nineteeth of February.

Steve: …nineteenth of February, rolling right along here. Before you know it, it’s going to be summer and she’s going to be out in the back yard with her subwoofers REALLY loud then…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(art by Banksy)