MySpace founder Tom Anderson at a SXSW conference on March 15, he chose Steve to be his interviewer.

There is a video on Myspace that features Steve in 1995 playing guitar for Iggy Pop as he performs, "Raw Power" and "I Wanna Be Your Dog". I don't know if it can be embedded anywhere besides myspace so try clicking --> here <--to have a look...

Colin H. Christ - February 28 2007

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. It is two minutes after twelve bells on a very chilly Wednesday morn. I woke up this morning about 8:30, I went outside just to get a feel of the temperature and it was cold, it was cold. I even wore a sheepskin coat here this morning, that’s how cold I was. Very strange. I guess not…it’s February, innit? It should be cold, what am I talking about? (laughs) But clear, cold but clear. I actually don’t mind it, to be honest with you because you know we’ve got a hot summer coming. It’s going to be, my prediction – a scorcher. Could be wrong, got a funny feeling, though. The climate is changing…

Mr. Shovel: It’s pretty safe territory, to say it’s going to be hot this summer.

Steve: (U.S. accent) And we ain’t gonna get any rain this summer, I predict that.

Mr. Shovel: Hot and dry.

Steve: Hot and dry and sticky. No rain, I predict. No snow, as well this summer. (back to normal) What’s this thing about James Cameron? Have you read this thing about he thinks he’s found the bones of…

Mr. Shovel: The tombs.

Steve: Tombs?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Of Jesus?

Mr. Shovel: And his family.

Steve: Is that possible? Anything’s possible…

Mr. Shovel: Sure.

Steve: I hope he has cos it would throw all them Bible Belters completely into a tailspin if he’s found Jesus’ remains.

Mr. Shovel: I think we’re going to find James Cameron’s remains probably…

Steve: Probably, yeah. Do you think the coffin…is it in a coffin or tomb?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s like a stone coffin.

Steve: Are they saying he wasn’t pinned up on a cross then, or that comes with the cross, in the tomb?

Mr. Shovel: They’re not saying that. They’re just saying that he perhaps was married and had a kid.

Steve: Well, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Mr. Shovel: All the names match the names…

Steve: Oh, so supposedly, as it goes in the biblical Bible or whatever it is, that he was a single bloke and never had it off with anyone?

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: Hmm. So he’s kind of like me. Kind of just…a loner.

Mr. Shovel: Except he never did.

Steve: I’m…saying he didn’t have a relationship.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe if he had lived longer and gained a bunch of weight (laughing) he might have had the same problem but I think it was a choice on his part.

Steve: We don’t know how, he could have been…they didn’t have hamburgers back then. They didn’t have In-N-Out.

Mr. Shovel: Lotta fish.

Steve: Yeah. Lot of seas parting, lot of fish flapping about. Lot of wine that turned from water into the wine.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. And you never know what’s going to happen after that.

Steve: Well, that wine keeps your weight down, it’s a fact. Look at the French.

Mr. Shovel: It’s good for your heart.

Steve: Look at the French, they’re not fat. And look at us lot. Humongous.

Mr. Shovel: They don’t have a lot of fast food joints over there.

Steve: Yeah. So, he drunk a lot of wine, that’s why he wasn’t fat, Jesus. Was that his real name or was that his stage name, “Jesus”?

Mr. Shovel: I think he probably just picked that one up along the way. It was probably something like Fred.

Steve: His name was Colin Smith, probably.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, boring.

Steve: That doesn’t sound right. “If I’m going to be one of these blokes who’s going to be a legend written about in Bibles, I’ve got to come up with a better name. Let me think. Incubus? No, that’s not good. Um, Caligulilus? No, that’s not right…

Mr. Shovel: Already taken.

Steve: “Jesus…hang on…Jesus…Jesus Christ. That sounds good. Let’s run with that one for a little while and see if it sticks.”

Mr. Shovel: It was brilliant to name himself after an exasperated swear word.

Steve: Yeah. He knew that people were going to say, “Jesus Christ!” He wasn’t stupid, was he?

Mr. Shovel: Uh uh.

Steve: He knew how to work the publicity machine.

Mr. Shovel: Well, we had like, Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious, Rat Scabies.

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: You know, you’ve got to go with an image.

Steve: All the good ones. Englebert Humperdink.

Mr. Shovel: Incubus Succubus.

Steve: Sting. Elvis Costello.

Both: Jesus.

Mr. Shovel: He was one of the first one-name artists.

Steve: He was the first. Madonna, Sting, Jesus. Quinn Martin in there somewhere. So what’s going to happen to determine if he was ol’ Mr. Christ?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they’re gonna definitively be able to determine that.

Steve: Not with DNA?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they have a DNA sample to compare it to.

Steve: Is Jesus in “The Last Supper” picture?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, he’s right there in the middle. Dishing it up.

Steve: Oh. See, he’s eating again. It’s the last one, though. That’s why he didn’t get fat cos it was his last supper. Got it. So he was a virgin?

Mr. Shovel: Well, according to his publicists.

Steve: Maybe they could have sent ol’ Babydol round there to have a word with him, persuade him. He could have been in the black book.

Mr. Shovel: Well, he is. Different one.

Steve: Is he under “Jesus Christ” or he’s got a fake name? Colin Smith?

Mr. Shovel: His code name was “Tommy Lasorda”

Steve: (belch) Pardon. Tommy Sortof. I think we need to get her on The Box, mate. We need to get Babydol Gibson on The Box.

Mr. Shovel: And we should bring her on the show, too.

Steve: Yeah. If anyone’s out there who’s got a contact with her, I’d like to get her on Friday to find out what it’s all about.

Mr. Shovel: You know what’s funny is, once you just admitted to it and said, “Who cares?” all the TV cameras went away.

Steve: I know, I’m insulted.


~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(later in the show)

Steve: Friday, we have a guest coming on. Do you want to know who that guest is, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I do.

Steve: It is the world famous Babydol Gibson.

Mr. Shovel: I just want to say I don’t know how my name got in that book, I have never met her.

Steve: She’s coming on The Box, twelve bells, Friday. Got to put the word out, the word came back. It’s definitely booked for..Friday...twelve bells, Babydol Gibson. It’s all in the book. I hope she brings me a book and signs it.

Ronen just alerted us to this li'l gem, "Freedom Fighter" from "Fire And Gasoline":

from 2/19/07

Steve: I’ve got to say, I am enjoying the rain. We haven’t had rain, much rain this year and to have a bit of rain is actually refreshing. I’m kind of enjoying it…hopefully it will keep the summer down a little bit and there won’t be all these fires and I still got a feeling it’s going to be a hot summer.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a new look at the world for you, Steve. Normally you don’t like the rain.

Steve: Well another reason why I don’t mind the rain is cos I’ve got this neighbor behind me and she has a big house and it kind of faces my house, where she entertains, so whenever she has any kind of party or she’s just hanging out...she’s an older lady...she could be a bit Mutt and Jeff-deaf, so I’ve just got a feeling that she has her music a lot louder than anyone normal, with a subwoofer that just

drives me up the wall. And it puts me in a funk. Puts me in a complete funk…it put me in a funk where I called up a real estate (agent) this morning and said, “Do you got anything out there?”

It just bums me out when people make a lot of noise for six or seven hours and you can’t get away from it other than go out, which I didn’t want to do. I was in the Sex Pistols - I can’t even stand listening to music that loud, you know what I mean - in me own house. But my point is, when it rained, for some reason it deadened the noise a little bit so maybe I’ll just create a rainforest outside the back yard so it’s just raining all the time. I was going to build a wall but I don’t think…someone told me that might not necessarily make any difference. I don’t know. I just want to be left alone. That’s all. I just want to be in a house where there’s no noise and that’s all I want. It’s not like I’m asking for a lot.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I have a neighbor who drives me up the wall
She’s got a big subfoofer oh yeah
I think she’s mutt and deaf
And can’t hear as well as I
My sensitive kingly ears

What am I gonna do with this
Mutt and Jeff neighbor
Who seems to get a thrill out of
Having her subwoofer way too loud
So loud I can’t even think in my own house oh no

What shall I do
Fire stinkbombs over
Near her Jacuzzi
Near her bedroom
Stinky stinkbombs oh yeah

Steve: Maybe I can get it out if I sing about it. Maybe it’s a sign. See, a yoga person, a tree hugger, would look at the positive in someone when they’re making a noise. “Oh, that’s God telling you to go out for a walk, do something productive” or “practice patience” or something in that nature.

Mr. Shovel: Why don’t you just bust out the Marshall stack?

Steve: Well, I could do that, but then probably all the other neighbors would call the cops on me for making a noise. I wonder if she gets complaints from any other neighbors? I’m the only one she’s really facing, that is the drag and it seems like wherever I move to, all the houses I’ve been in, there is someone who does something that’s just retarded.

Mr. Shovel: You could point one of those secret lasers that make her burn up at her.

Steve: Yeah. We’ll get one of them at the spy shop. Maybe that’s an alternative. Let’s play on this President’s Day…what is the date today? Is it the…

Mr. Shovel: Nineteeth of February.

Steve: …nineteenth of February, rolling right along here. Before you know it, it’s going to be summer and she’s going to be out in the back yard with her subwoofers REALLY loud then…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(art by Banksy)

J3 - Jonesy's Jukebox Jury from 2-19-07

Alpaka.

Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, there are no songs involving alpakas or kangaroos today.

---> Mustard.

Pants.<---

This week's Jonesy's Jukebox Jury panel:

John Taylor (Duran Duran)

Shepard Fairey (Obey Giant)

Kate Sullivan (LA Weekly)

Bob Lefsetz (The Lefsetz Letter)

(A song has just finished playing and it's time to critique it)

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox Jury. Kate Sullivan, Bob Lefsetz, John Taylor, Shepard Fairey. Kate Sullivan, what did you think of that song?

Kate: Oh, I have to go first again, okay. Um…sorry, not “my thing” again. When it was like, really, really lyrically oriented but without a lot going on melodically and no hooks -- for me, you know, for my…

Steve: No femininity for you? (general laughter)

Kate: They were not hitting my hooky sweet-spot there. But I think I’ve seen this band…

Steve: Oh, rully?

Kate: I think I saw this band on Letterman and they’re so, so aggressively nerdy that I kind of had to end up liking them somehow because the lead guy is so unlikely as a lead guy in a band. You can tell he’s smart and it’s just, it’s just not for me. It’s not rock. It’s not rockin’, you know what I mean?

Steve: I know what you mean.

Kate: All right.

Steve: It’s not up your strasse.

Kate: It’s very cerebral.

Steve: Yeah. Shepard Fairey.

Shepard: Um, it had elements of rock, um…but it wasn’t rocking. Or “rockin”. (Kate laughs). That’s the hipster: “rockin”. I felt like it just wasn’t that compelling in general. It was okay. It wasn’t offensive, but it wasn’t compelling, either.

Steve: Mmmm. So, pantaloonies, I would imagine?

Shepard: Yes. Pants on that one.

Steve: And definitely from Kate, pantaloonies?

Kate: Yes.

Steve: Bob Lefsetz.

Bob: You know, this is very problematic. The first thing I’d say about this record is:

Who. Cares.

Okay, we have gone on, we played eight records so far. Not one of them has been any good. So let’s go to the viewpoint of the listener. They’re listening to the station. We’re doing good entertainment about how bad the records are. But you tune into a station and record after record after record doesn’t hit you, it’s the opposite of the Sixties and Top 40 radio where every record was a killer. Yet we have the people who foist these records upon the public saying, “Oh, it’s great! You’re just an old fart. You just don’t get it”. I mean, I didn’t mind the guitars, but…meaningless and irrelevant.

Kate: Right.

John: He’s not a people pleaser is he?

Steve: He’s not. (general laughter) He is not a people pleaser, Bob.

Bob: That’s not a good way to the (pap?). It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.

Steve: But we’re just, I mean, you know, Jonesy’s Jukebox and Indie, we’re just reviewing songs that come to the station for airplay.

Bob: But I think it proves the point, because all day long people email me tracks. They always want to send you the cd’s, as if I can’t listen online on MySpace or something and they really believe this stuff is good. It goes from everyone at the labels to the promotion men to the independent people. There’s no arbiter of reality. We need you, Jonesy, to be sitting on the top of the music scene and separating the wheat from the chaff. There is good stuff out there. There’s 60,000 albums a year BUT, someone’s got to take 59,500 and push ‘em aside so we’re not inundated with all the crap because otherwise we’d say, “Man, I’d rather watch CSI, I’d rather play the video game, I’d rather skateboard” because it’s too dense. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too crappy.

Steve: Well, that’s a good point and that’s partly what we’re trying to do here. You know what I mean?

Bob: Great.

Shepard: I like to be optimistic about new music but you know, when it’s not great, it’s not great.

Steve: Exactly. I would love to love every song that come at me. But unfortunately that’s an impossibility, especially in this day and age.

Bob: But don’t they tell you when you’re on this station, when you don’t like it, there’s something wrong with you?

Steve: No.

Bob: I hear that all the time. “If you don’t like it, you just don’t get it, you’re too old…” You’re this, you’re that, whatever.

Steve: No, not with me. I just play what I want.

Bob: They’re afraid of you.

Kate: You’re not too old, their music just sucks.

Bob: Okay, I’m going to send the email to you and you (?) to them from now on.

Steve: I know what you’re saying though, Bob. I know exactly what you’re saying. That is definitely…

John: But you know, the Sixties, was entirely different. I mean, Led Zeppelin hadn’t happened yet.

Bob: Led Zeppelin’s first record came out in 1969.

John: Yeah, but you know what I mean…electric guitars and drum kits and its, you know, a lot’s been done and it’s very hard to, I mean, for me, the records that have come out that have really grabbed me have not really had guitars and drums and I’m a guitar player. I do it for a living but I feel I’m some kind of, I’m holding onto something that is fading.

Bob: I don’t want to be too stylized here, but the point is, Clive Davis – and I hate the records he makes – he says, “They have to have a verse, a chorus, a hook, a melody” and these are basics. A bridge. If you listen to some of those great Beatles albums the songs have bridges. You can play in any style of music and still have a bridge. You can have some of the building blocks that make the songs palatable.

John: But it wasn’t self-conscious when the Beatles did it. It was just coming out of them and it was instinct. It’s not like people sitting around like, teams of guys that are sitting in studios, as we speak, thinking, “When’s the hook? When’s the hook coming? It’s got to come to the hook. How long is the hook?”

Steve: But does that happen anymore though? A bunch of guys in big record labels, sitting around, as far as on an indie level?

John: I think so…

Steve: Or do they just let these bands get on with it, cos it sounds like they’re just letting them get on with it.

Bob: If you’re on a major label, unlike in the Seventies when the artists took all the rights back, they have a clause in the contract where there’s no guarantee to put the record out, with almost every record. So if they don’t believe they can market the record, which, on the worst record it’s gonna cost them a minimum of $100,000, more like $250,000-$500,000. They will work, they will put you together with Diane Warren, Max Martin co-writing, whatever and they will rape all the soul from your record.

Steve: Right.

Bob: Okay, but I agree with John’s point: the Sixties and Seventies were like the Renaissance. There was only one Renaissance. But Picasso came hundreds of years after the Renaissance and he did new things. Maybe you can’t innovate quite to the degree…you don’t have the Golden Age and I believe there are certain building blocks of music that we have gotten too far away from. And I don’t care how the guitars sound, whatever. But it’s become about the image and the style. You said, these guys went on Letterman and they had a nerdy look, whatever. It’s like, when you try out for a symphony orchestra what they do is, they do blind auditions. You play behind a curtain. (its about) How good you are. That’s what we should do with these bands. Then people could say, “Well, okay. It’s not about the image and how many friends on MySpace”. It’s like, “Are you any good?”

Kate: Well, I’m curious about you guys. Like, when you were first starting with Duran Duran, was there a lot of label oversight for your songwriting or…

John: No. There was no label oversight. They put us with a producer that they felt could guide us and could help us make a better record than what we would have been capable of, left to our own devices. But nobody ever got in our faces about what our songs should sound like until things started going south. You know and then everybody had an idea and that’s the worst thing. Once you let in one person’s opinion, then you let in everybody’s opinion.

Bob: But the fascinating thing with Duran Duran is, you had your heyday, starting with “Girls On Film” and “Rio”, etc. And then the band splintered into varying things and you reunited and the sneak preview was…you did about 45 minutes at “Acoustic Christmas” in 1991 and you put out a new record and you hit again. You had two great tracks. So after all that time, it’s not like when your starting and you’re trying to get out of the hole, trying to get out of art school, whatever. What was the process…could you throw off all the history? How did you end up with two great songs?

John: Well I think that’s part of - that’s the problem with anybody that’s been around for awhile. It’s like you want to hold onto the core of what you are, whatever that is, assuming you know what that is. But then...you want to make something that plays in the marketplace, right? That’s sort of like, that speaks to…whatever it is that’s out there and I think that’s the line that you have to walk.

Steve: But didn’t you do that process the second time around? “Oh, we need a single. Oh, we need this, oh, we need that…”?

John: Well very much so. I mean, we hadn’t played together for ten, twelve years. I mean, I learned how to play bass with that drummer you know, and I felt that, and everybody needed to play the way that they used to play for each of us to play the way we played, if you know what I mean. It’s like, if the drummer comes back and says, “No, I’m not that drummer anymore, I’ve been listening to Chad from the Chili Peppers…”

(whatever he was saying had to be dumped from the live broadcast by Mr. Shovel)

Steve: You would have to swear wouldn’t you, John. You would have to swear.

John: (Continues, unfazed) It’s tricky. I mean, the smartest bands like U2 have very clever people around them saying, “Why don’t you try working with this guy” and “Why don’t you try working with that guy?”

Bob: I’m actually down on U2. I loved “Achtung Baby” which was completely different from anything that they’d done previously and I believe they’ve been playing it safe…thereafter. But if I go to your record that came out in ’92 I believe it was, you had that song, “Ordinary World” which was (a) phenomenal record. Didn’t sound like anything you’d done before. How did you come up with that record?

John: Just…throwing stuff up against the wall, you know. You just show up and you write and you write and you write and you try to write a song every day and then hopefully one of those songs, people go, “Oh, I like that one”. In fact, that was the first record we made where…we had to go to the record label every week and play them what we’d done and if they liked it, they’d write a check for another week’s studio time (all react with laughs) because we’d just blown so much money. I mean, we made a lot of money the first three albums and then we completely lost our way and we spent sooo much money making really crap records. So they said, “Okay well, this time we’re going to keep you on a tight leash” and...when we wrote that one they said, “Okay, here’s the check for the rest of the album.”

Bob: I have this radio show and we had this guy John Boylan who produced the Boston records…

Steve: Just before we go too far off track, are we giving it a pants or mustard? The band was called The Hold Steady.

Bob: That’s a very hip band. People have really good things to say about them, but not me.

Kate: Pants. Pants.

Steve: Was that the band you thought it was (indecipherable, Kate speaks over him)…

Kate: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I regret talking about their look because I hate bands that look like nerds. I like bands that look like Duran Duran that look super cool.

John: Is there an actor in that band?

Steve: An actor? I don’t know.

Shepard: No, that band used to be Lifter Puller. They’re from Minneapolis and they were more of a punk band and now they’ve kind of gone in this kind of more classic rock direction that seems to be working really well for them but it hasn’t really resonated with me.

Steve: I just want to know one thing. All the bands we’ve been critiquing, lets just say Pearl Jam for instance, if Eddie Vedder was sitting in the corner would we all say the same things or would it be slightly more polite?

John: Oh, come on…

Bob: Absolutely. I would say the same thing. I’d love to get into it with Eddie Vedder.

Steve: So you’d be like, so you’d say exactly the same thing…

Bob: This guy is rich. He can get laid every night of the week even though he happens to be married and me, little unknown person in Santa Monica has to be worried about what Eddie Vedder has to say?

Steve: So you wouldn’t care if he was standing in the room, you’d say exactly the same thing.

Bob: No, because as I say, what you find with these people, they do one of a few things. Either they try to you know, intimidate you, or else they kind of laugh along. That’s what you have to do when you get…that’s what America…England really specializes. When you get to the top people try to tear you down and you have to have a sense of humor about yourself or you can’t make it and that’s what we hate about Eddie Vedder. He’s got no sense of humor on himself and even though he doesn’t have one, I’m gonna still try to make him have one.

Steve: Yeah…you’ve got to be light on yourself. You know what I mean? You’ve got to be able to take, making fun of yourself. That’s what I think, anyway. Good point.

Bob: But if Eddie Vedder were here, would you be honest?

Steve: I didn’t hate it, I didn’t hate the song. I’ve actually had him on the show and we did an acoustic song that was really good and his voice, I actually thought when we sung acoustic I thought his voice was very heartfelt and I don’t think it was phony. I really thought he had a good heartfelt voice so I’m not going to slag him off. I like him.

Bob: Isn’t he just Sting (but) twenty years younger?

Steve: Um, I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Bob: Don’t people hate Sting just as much as they hate Eddie Vedder?

Steve: I don’t think so, I don’t think so.

Shepard: I like The Police. The Police you know, within the punk paradigm were hated but I really liked them within the pop paradigm, even though I was more of a punk rocker. They were a pop band I loved. I think The Police are good songwriters.

Steve: He’s coming on The Jukebox Wednesday, Andy Summers.

Shepard: You know, one thing I have to say about all this, whether your critiquing or making…it’s easy to criticize. But to make art I think that whether it’s music or visual art you just have to trust your instincts and you have to feel, you have to feel good about what you’re doing and then you know, maybe the peanut gallery hates it but you really have to trust your own sense of whether you accomplished what you want and I think that when you feel good about it is the only time that it’s going to work for other people. When you second-guess yourself, you fail.

Bob: I totally agree with your concept but the first half of what you said, saying “it’s easy to criticize”. Most people are crap and you have to know inside whether you’re good or crap and if you’re good, if you’re in the league, a professional, follow your instincts, okay? But just because you made something…you know a four year-old makes something with all his power, doesn’t mean it’s good.

Steve: Do people not like you, Bob?

Bob: People love me. Love me. Because I’m speaking the truth. We live in a society where everybody’s kissing butt. You have a boss. Everybody’s got a boss, no one can speak the truth. That used to be the rock stars. They used to go around…now the rock stars are phony people. Even the hip hop guys. They make deal with corporations, they’re doing all these endorsements, you say, “I can’t believe in that guy, I’m struggling in my real life”. So I’m saying what people think. Maybe they only say it in bed to their wives or girlfriends but this is what people think.

Steve: Who did you look up to?

Bob: You have to look up to Bob Dylan because of the lyrics in some of those songs. I do not like the new music, I don’t want to go see him again because he changes his stuff but he’s great. I think, if we’re talking about people…Sting’s a phenomenal song writer, I don’t want to hear him going on about having tantric sex for seven hours.

Steve: I don’t either. I just want ten minutes, I’m done. Kate, what do you think? Last couple of words.

Kate: I pretty much agree with everything that Bob said but I think you can be outrageous and honest and still be stylish. And kind. And that’s what I wanna be someday.

Steve: Right. Well, I want to thank you lot all for coming by. That was really good and uplifting, exciting. Hopefully next time we can have some more famous music (that) we can critique. I mean, a lot of them was like, unknown bands. I think there was only two on here that anyone knew, maybe. Goldfrapp and Pearl Jam. But nevertheless, that was the second Jonesy’s Jukebox Jury and I appreciate you guys coming on a holiday, President’s Day, when you could be doing better things but it’s good. So we are gonna sign off now and start Jonesy’s Jukebox mometarily. Thanks for listening.

One more time!

Welcome back to chriswasanon! Best viewed on a Firefox browser probably or Linux or anything but Internut exploder 6 where it looks like cac quite frankly my dear. On my brother's XP machine it certainly does look bizarre.

This post is about anniversaries. In it I will attempt to show through subjugating this, coming to terms with that and underlining the other the following factoids.

Anniversaries are such boring things aren't they? After all, last year we had the 30 years retrospect of the tea time Sex Pistols Grundy swearathon shocka. Now this year it will be 30 years since GSTQ caused such a furore amongst the staid boring old status quo in Britain. It's a funny old world where a man can sing, "No future" and 30 years later..is this what we imagined?
Bloody computers! I don't see Electric cars in the sky and the Internal combustion engine if it stays in polluting pole position will in a matter of only 10,000 years be more successful than the horse, probably...at least you could grow tomatoes with their shit! However it did take you 42 hours to get from London to Edinburgh by stage coach in the 1820's. Off topic Off topic!!! :-(

Once upon a time there is a radio station called Indie 103.1 fm beaming out of LA area a show called "Jonesy's Jukebox." It is hosted by Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones. He plays what he likes in a loose guest/cd format. Now, not only can you get this show in your kitchen or home in the LA area but it also (Bonus!!!) is streamed over the Internet. Which means that oiks like me in Schottland can listen too.

The Internet is communication. Web logs or blogs yeah?

"Today I got up and looked out of the window and then had a shower..."

That's pretty boring isn't it? Blogs! With something completely different in mind, this JJ. show rather uniquely on the Indie 103.1 fm website took the decision to have a huge message board blog where it's host Steve Jones Los Sex Pistolero el Hombre! could post a thematic starter comment or observation which ALL and sundry were invited to respond to by having access open to all.

Each of these threads spawned replies. They began quickly to snowball. From 37 comments to something like 3000+ comments over the short period of Bambi's life. When did it start Flo? Insert answer -----> here: September 15, 2006.

Private conversations sprung up between posters. Myspace urls were exchanged, friendships forged with yet more chatter and so on and so on. Underpinning that confluence of online music fan humanity there was a stream of consciousness snapshot of the show, consisting of comments on the music, the host, the guests, the adverts, the Shovel - the transcriptions requested, everything.

What happened?

The radio station remains, and like for sure, the show is still Steve Jones' Jukebox but that thing called the Steve Jones Blog which this blog owes it's very life to...is dead.

Cast your minds backwards to 16 Feb 2006. The new blog - "How dare you defy?" had just been created. As a question "how dare you defy?" was probably a tad more challenging than "etc." eg. which had been another topic that Steve set. Or "Carry on." Looking back in the archives of this blog (chriswasanon) it was a matter of 2 days later that the Steve Jones Blog on Indie 103.1 died a permanent death. Killed by person or persons unknown. Here's what it looked like back in the day preceding lock-out and mass extinction and before it went offline temporarily.



Ahhhhhh - bless it!

The image is very likely the copyright of Indie 103.1 FM. But I thought you'd like a look back.

You clicked on the red text. In you went to interact with such a bunch of souls blogging the show as it was being broadcast and after. These people I called the Blogstars. Though Steve as Flora said here somewhere was, "the real star. " Some of them posters names have vanished into the ether, ne'er to be seen again. Some of them may have been"sock puppets," people do like having conversations with themselves. No they don't! Yes they do! Some of which were probably famous peoples...probably. Some of which were Me and You, who knows? One more time? Positively the last time!

Rotter was there, Floratina was there, Pie was there, Stuart was there, JR. was there, IrishScots was there, Alison was there, Jewell was there, Jade was there, Scottish Toodler was there, Ramona was there, Shloemoe was there, Minx was there, AC. was there, Chispa was there, Tricky was there, NYC Gail was there, Gidget too. Nevah. This is that hall of fame. Many many more regulars and once onlys much too numerous to mention. If I missed you etc.

No INVITATION required.

So what? Sometimes the chat got a bit rude and perhaps it descended into typed Anarchy and could get quite messy at times but there was and has never been anything since like it. Our chatbox is a mere mimic of it and you are most welcome and I don't care who you are - to leave a comment.

With the myspace group there seemed little point in CWA blog carrying on. This blog grew to exist merely to comment on the Jones bloggers. When you take the online party away, what's left? The transcriptions! So Lo Floratina joined me here to post the terrific transcripts that this little corner of the Interweb has become World Famous for... probably. Here they all are, all the guests from nearly a year with positively the very best bits of Jonesy's jukebox transcribed.

On that matter anyone who tells you or believes that transcriptions were a major problem on the Jonesy's Jukebox blog is speaking out of their tin-foil hat.

So on the vague idea of some kind of a boring anniversary happening, CwA would like you to remember the way we were and where we are now.

Cos CwA blog stayed open!

Speaking of anniversaries, that are not boring, Jonesy's Jukebox has now been on the air for three years, it passed it's third birthday on Feb 10th. 2007. Stuart commemorated things over at his bit with his 3rd birthday party cake and controversial ex Steve Jones blog regular Miche and Indie junkie has posted her view of things here . Newbies only.

Maybe things really aren't so very boring after all...

RIP. Steve Jones Indie 103.1 Blog.

Happy birthday Jonesy's Jukebox!!!

Lively up yourself!

Chris was Anon.

From 2/6/06 Enjoyment All Over

Steve: I did tell you that the clocks are going forward earlier this month…didn’t I, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No…

Steve: Yes.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, you did.

Steve: Starting in March, as opposed to the month after March. What’s the month after March?

Mr. Shovel: April.

Steve: That’s when it normally goes (?). It’s going (?) in March.

Mr. Shovel: Why do you suppose that is, Steve.

Steve: I’ve no idea. Maybe cos of global warming, we’re all going to die in a couple of years, trying to get more hours sunlight in? I dunno. Maybe the farmers are unhappy because they’re not making enough stuff, because of global warming? It’s funny that they are moving it forward, innit? It’s never been done before, has it? Have you ever noticed that? It’s got to be something like that. I think, slowly, people in (the) mainstream are slowly acknowledging the fact that there might be a problem with the weather, cos there’s a lot of drastic stuff that’s going on. It’s not just storms and heatwaves, it’s like drastic. You know what I mean? What’s that big one they just had, where was it? Didn’t some big thing happen down South?

Mr. Shovel: Florida.

Steve: Florida.

Mr. Shovel: Tornadoes. Not tornado season.

Steve: Yeah…I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be roasting in L.A. this summer. Just a hunch. And everyone’s going to have their air conditioner on…and the power’s going to go out and everyone’s going to be miserable. But will we do anything about it? No, because we like our modern conveniences. It has to be a governmental procedure. Things have to be mandatory. Chinese are going to be the ones though. They’re really going to make that hole bigger…cos they want to be like us, (like) the U.S. has been in the last fifty years. The Chinese want to have appliances, all the good things that we’ve had. And there’s a lot of them. And they’ve got a lot of money now. (sings)

Oh, I really enjoy
My new way of livin’
Yes I really enjoy
the Chinese new way of livin’
and the joke is on me…

(channeling Jerry Lewis)
oh, I really enjoy myself laydeee
I enjoy oh yes I enjoy, joy joy to the world
Enjoyment all over the world…!

Punk Pathetique

Current mood: a damned eclectic blog




I'm hoping to see a pic or two of Rotter performing his "Stage of rage," at some point. Meantime to get us in the mood for such, here's a pic of me with my tattoed and inked good friend Lefty Maximus Decimus Meridius. I'm fronting Splodgenessabounds for one night only at the Cas Rock in Edinburgh. Lefty says that it his one of his favourite pics and mebbe you agree. It was an extraordinary gig. Max Splodge lost his voice completely. The audience took an instant dislike to us apart from a couple of blokes. Also attending were Robbie Rushton from the Crybabies on Drums, and Honest John Plain from the Boys on Guitar. The chap wearing the Holiday in Mongolia T-shirt is Steve from the Exploited on back up vocals After the gig we all went back to my bit and Max took his clothes off and borrowed a kilt. We are either performing "two pints of lager and a packet of crisps "or "two little boys," in this pic. I can't remember. Lefty as you can see is giving it laldy and so am I, or some welly at any rate.

No further news on these Sex Pistols gigs this year yet.

Sad to say that the "Killer rocks on," is no longer making Seditionaries and assorted other punk tees. So that's a dead link :-( ------------>

Tina will be back soon but until then there's always "Jonesy's, Jonesy's Jukebox." so..."Don't be a mug!"

Chris was a Splodger.

from 1/24/07 - Dodgy Lodging

In this episode Steve tells us about his trip home from Sundance.


Steve: We left after the show (the live remote Indie broadcast), me and Dougie. We drove, got out of there. Stopped for something to eat and then just drove and drove…and then there’s that time change when you leave…at one point there’s there like four states all close to each other and there’s that hour time difference going back and forth, I don’t know how that works.

But anyway we was coming down into Vegas, it’s the most beautiful, if you come that way ‘round at night, coming into Vegas, it’s amazing. It’s so beautiful. It’s different than coming the other way from L.A. to Vegas. My gut feeling was to just keep going, driving cos I was up for doing it and Dougie’s like, “No, no…let’s stay in Vegas you need to rest. There’s no rush to get back, you got tomorrow off.”

And so we tossed a coin. Heads, we stay in Vegas. Tails, we keep going. Now, what he told me this morning, he lied, it was tails. That meant we should have kept going and because we didn’t get going, we stopped at the Hard Rock. It was full-up. I went to the counter. This is like, twelve at night. Went to the counter - it was full-up, it was crowded. When we parked in the parking lot, all the lights were on in the rooms. But I could have probably got a room, seeing that they have all Sex Pistols on the blackjack tables and Sid Vicious one-armed bandits and whatnot.

I walked up to the woman, the woman says to me, “Yes?” I said, “Is there, do you have any rooms?” She goes, “Not in the front, only suites”. I said, “How much is the suites?” She goes, “Hold on a second…” she’s typing away. She goes, “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we have nothing.” You know, I forget what I’m looking like. I just drove for like eight hours, I look like the Unabomber and so I think she’s panicking and didn’t want me to stay there. Now I could have made a fuss and said, “Don’t you know who I am, young lady?”

Mr. Shovel: Your quote’s up on their…your misquote…

Steve: “The only notes that count are the ones that come in wads”. That’s me, lady.

Mr. Shovel: That’s up over the door.

Steve: Yeah, I couldn’t be bothered, though. I probably looked scary cos I had me hat on and…I had the Unabomber look going, the beard thing. She said, “I would suggest you go across the street.” So we went across the street to some dump. Dougie wanted us to stay in there. He got the room. We drove…one of them big complex places, you know? Like a mile. You go around the back and it’s all dodgy. I didn’t want to leave any of the stuff in the car.

Mr. Shovel: This was a Monday night.

Steve: Monday night. This place is dead, mind you. But it’s…you go into the room and it’s…you think like, you know, Ike Turner’s gonna come out of the closet with a crack pipe, it’s one of them kind of places. And the sheets were like just, oh…it was just wrong, man. And there was like, holes in the walls and…the thing that really put me off, one of the windows were like cracked open a little bit? I think that was done deliberately so that when you’re akip in there someone can get in. It was like something out of “Cops”. It was like a room when you know, when “Cops” go in them rooms and arrest people. It was like one of them. I’m like, “Dougie, I’m not staying here.” So we got out. Then a plane went by. You could see the people in the plane, that’s how close the plane was, you know what I mean? It was just wrong, it was a wrong place anyway. I was just, “C’mon. I’m gonna drive. I’m not staying here. I won’t be able to sleep here", it was too weird.

So we got back on the freeway – (we'd just) wasted an hour. All this time…wasted an hour. Stopped at the gas station, filled up. They had a Starbucks there, a 24-hour Starbucks and I had a four-shot latte…and got going and then just drove all the way back. Got back about four in the morning. My eyes were coming out me head. That is weird. And he’s akip in the back of the truck…

Mr. Shovel: That means “asleep”, right?

Steve: He was asleep in the back. When you’re by yourself up there, your mind plays tricks on you and you get the ole white light and the…it’s just weird. I’m sure it does your brain cells in cos you have to concentrate so much, you have to stay awake. So we literally drove for like, fourteen hours, nonstop. I got to bed at about four. I woke up at seven, all like, freaked out, you know? Just kind of a vulnerable feeling. I can’t explain it. I guess it’s travel, you know…and I just got up, I had a cup of tea and I just went back to bed. Didn’t wake up ‘til like, two o’clock, perfect time. (the time his show ends) I could have come in; it would have killed me. Anyway, you wouldn’t have got a great story like that if I would have come in.

Mr. Shovel: So why’d your buddy decide to tell you he lied?

Steve: Cos he wanted to stay. He thought we should have stayed and slept…but it all went wrong – see? See what happens? I say, tossing a coin? That’s how God wants it to be.

Mr. Shovel: It says, “In God We Trust” right there on the coin…

Steve: Exactly! It says it on all money. You toss it, “In God We Trust”. God was right. He wanted us to keep going. But he – Dougie – got silly and took God into his own hands and it all backfired. He defied the Laws of The Pontiff. (inhales dramatically) He must never defy again.

Anyway, I had fun up there, it was good. The show was good. You’ve got to be doing something up in Sundance, though…if you’re sitting on your ass, it’s a waste of time if you don’t ski or snowboard. Lot of birds up there. It gives them a legitimate reason to wear Ugg boots, I’ll give ‘em that much. It’s the only time they should. Don’t wear them in Malibu in the summer. Ugg boots work well up in Sundance. All the different type of models Ugg boots you can get now, there’s so many, you know. They’re like caveman boots, some of them, all the fur hanging off them and whatnot. Funny. There was a bunch of movies…the ones I was talking about…the bird with the teeth in the minge?

Mr. Shovel: (laughing) Yeah…

Steve: I want to see that.

Mr. Shovel: It’s right up your alley, isn’t it.

Steve: Right up my strasse. I want to see that, and I want to see the one with the bloke who liked the horses, fell in love with the horses.

Mr. Shovel: It seemed for some reason that the stuff that was hot were the films that, you know, were really bizarre perversions.

Steve: Yeah, cos you think, are they just putting these movies together just to get attention, or is there some genuine…is this what people do? I mean, do blokes fall in love with horses and have it off with horses? Is it like, a “thing”? I mean, I don’t know if it’s about bestiality or it’s about, if it’s like, a thing, that these blokes love horses and they want to get rumped by horses.

Mr. Shovel: For next year’s festival, people are going to go out of their way to you know, make a film about a guy who puts furniture in his rear end or something.

Steve: But this is fall in love with a horse, I think. Live, loving a horse. I don’t know. I want to see it. (sighs) Should we play some rock and roll? I’ve been talking here for so long. Take it away, Mr. Shovel…

Swag

Here's a little song from Steve yesterday...

I got a free electric toothbrush

And a pair of Wellington Boots

Took my picture holding up in store called Roots

What does it mean and where is it going?

What is the purpose of that photograph holding a

new scarf from Fred Segal

Fred Segal’s Fred Segal’s

The the Segal’s the Segal’s

And vultures

Oh as I swagger in the swagshop

I don’t see much that I would buy if I was in L.A.

but because it’s in Sundance it seems more appealing

Why would I take this gear

This worthless load of crap

I don’t understand how it is played out played out

Swagger me in

Swagger me in roses swaggerly...

More Sundance pics

in addition to the ones a couple of posts below...

Steve interviews Steve Buscemi, Julien Temple and John Cusack

Hup hup hup. Welcome back to chriswasanon. Isn't Steve looking well in these pics. Great.

Fit and healthy I'd say.  

Now it would be fair to say it near made me wee myself when I found out that the SP's 
would be doing 3 gigs this year.  If these go well, I can't see a reason why there might not be some US dates too.  We'll see...

We just don't know how far things have progressed.  Steve will be doing a show from Sundance todaynight which promises to be a good one. We could do with a sundance or two here weather-wise.  Quite an extended Christmas break this year for me.  As per my good friend Floratina keeps things sailing along and without her this blogulike would be a thing of vapid nothingness.

I'd say...wouldn't you?  

I took the opportunity whilst in the lost land of very few computers to ride me electric bike (it's not that great, a 20 mile range and the battery is heavier than a lead dustbin full of gold bricks).

Catching up on old friends. 5 years since.  Drinking gin and tonics, gynntonnyx right Quean?Until dawn.  

I'm not so sure about the new blogger neither Stuart.  Not so.   The Internest is a duller thinger withouter Rotter too.  Lets keep our fingers crossed and legs that Morrissey and Beckham and his fashionable WAG the former Spice nice get on the Steve show too. Yes there's lots to look forwards too.  Now check out those pictures below.

CwA

Steve At Sundance (updated 1/22)

Hot off the press...

Steve and Julien

Steve and Dougie

with MySpace Tom


hand treatment to make those big mitts lithe and supple

with aromatherapy?

Alexi Lalas Visits The Box 1-17-07 *Updated 1/19*

I've added some more, including the part where Steve mentions that possibility of the Pistols playing some shows (none in U.S., sorry) this summer...

(The opening theme ends and we hear notes being played on a guitar)

Mr. Shovel: (Doing a very convincing impression of The Sire, right down to the usual guitar notes) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. (a couple more notes) Uhh…knackered. (laughs, then speaks as himself) That’s your cue to walk down the hall, c’mon! (laughs and plays a few more notes) How ‘bout we start it all over again…? (then we hear the entire opening theme music run through all over again. It’s all very Monty Python…all they need is a “larch”.)

Steve: (again with the guitar notes) Comin’ ta git’cha (laughs) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. It’s five after twelve…what’s going on here? Here’s me hanging around and nothing’s happening. (laughs) No, I was in the hallways just kind of like, looking at walls and all of a sudden I look at the watch and realize it’s five after twelve. Oh, it’s a funny game, innit? (plays the ‘comin’ ta gitcha sting) Comin’ ta gitcha, baby. Oh, I wish I could do that faster. (plays it a couple more times) Is that faster? I’m actually in a good mood, considering it’s raining. The only thing I don’t like about it…is when it first rains, everyone smashes into the back of everyone else. Cos most drivers in L.A. are idiots and they don’t realize that when it first rains it’s very oily – when it ain’t rained in a while – and the just (makes like someone is mindlessly tooling along) dum-dee-doidy-doidy-dee, on the cell phone, (crash) right into the back of someone cos they don’t, they’re driving the same speed, fools. You know what, it’s not their fault. It’s the Department of Motor Vehicles’ fault for not making the test harder. I mean, it’s a joke. I’ve said this before. I’m like a broken record. I’m like a broken iPod, I should say. (plays a few notes) Comin’ ta gitcha…got Lexi Lalas coming on The Box in a little while…(to Mr. Shovel) you know I’m going to Sundance, don’t you? You’re going, as well.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m going to be there, doing The Box.

Mr. Shovel: I’m flying, you’re driving.

Steve: Yeah. I’m driving cos that’s the way I roll, Mack Daddy. I’m going with ah…well it’s top secret, I can’t really say who I’m going with. I’m going with a convoy of Navy Seals but they told me not to say nuffing. I’m going with them, I’m going through the mountains. We’re going to stop off at this place where they, this underground place where they test bombs and stuff, stop there, do a survey.

Mr. Shovel: The bunker.

Steve: Yeah. The bunker. Doing The Box Monday, there. I’m going to be doing a Joe Strummer party Saturday night, for the movie that Julian Temple did, I’m in it. I’m doing the after-party, deejaying, interviewing punters down there and doing The Box live. I guess twelve bells there ain’t twelve bells here, is it?

Mr. Shovel: No, it’s one o’clock there.

Steve: So we start it there at one then, to keep it on at twelve here?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: One to three.

Mr. Shovel: Monday.

Steve: Twelve to two, here…one to three in Utah.

Mr. Shovel: You won’t be here Friday cos you’ll be driving.

Steve: I’ll be driving with the Navy Seals.

Mr. Shovel: Not flying.

Steve: Not flying. If I can avoid flying, I will. I think the next time I’m going to go to England, I’m going to get train and boat and train. Just to see what happens. I’m not into the flying. I’ve gone weird in me old age. Panic attacks.

Mr. Shovel: But being buried in a snow drift all winter, that’s…

Steve: As long as me head’s sticking out, I don’t care.

Mr. Shovel: Okay.

Steve: As long as I can…I don’t care if I’m buried up to me head, long as I can see what’s going on around me. (sighs) I can’t deal with the airports. It’s not the planes, it’s the airports. All the nonsense that you have to deal with now, with airplanes. So ridiculous (to have to) take your trainers off. What all the luggage underneath the bleedin’ train? That’s what they need to sort out, it’s not about your trainers. Retards. They’re all morons as well, who work in airports. My mate went in last went, went on a plane, had all this junk and they didn’t find it.

Mr. Shovel: What kind of junk?

Steve: You know, stuff you’re not meant to have.

Mr. Shovel: Why?

Steve: Cos he forgot.

Mr. Shovel: Sure he’s not a terrorist?

Steve: Nope.

Mr. Shovel: Testing the system?

Steve: No, he’s not. I don’t know any terrorists.

Mr. Shovel: What’d he have, like…toothpaste?

Steve: Yeah. Exactly. Stuff like that and tweezers…you know, normal toiletry nonsense. I know a Boston Terrier. Is that like a terrorist?

Mr. Shovel: Did they throw the tea in the harbor?

Steve: It’s four-legged. A Boston Terrier, you’ve never heard of a dog called a Boston Terrier?

Mr. Shovel: Yessss.

Steve: Boston terror. He’s a right little terror. What’s happening. Should we play some rock and roll. You know what I want to play – because I can? I’m going to play this. Track fourteen. This is a…I love this bit of music…music composed by, oh, it’s by Jack Nietche I just realized. You remember that movie “Starman” with Geoff Bridges? I love this music. Track fourteen, let’s hear it then we’ll go into something else that’s called “Starman”.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: What’s going on, mate? I hear you’re a busy lad lately.

Alexi: It’s been a helluva week. We signed David Beckham down at The Galaxy so my job is about spreading the word, if it needs to be spread right now…everybody’s going crazy right now.

Steve: When’s he going to start kicking a ball?

Alexi: Well, he’s got to finish out his contract right now over in Real Madrid and then this summer he’ll come stateside and start playing down at the Home Depot Center down in Carson for us, probably sometime in the middle of July.

Steve: When does the season start, (for the) Galaxy?

Alexi: The season for us starts at the beginning of April so we’ll play about half the season without him unless something changes with his contract in Real Madrid and then we’ll welcome him with open arms down there.

Steve: It looks like that could happen sooner by what (you hear on) Sky News.

Alexi: There’s craziness going on over there in Madrid, with what they’re talking about but listen, we did this deal under the assumption that he wouldn’t be with us until the middle of the year and that’s okay for us because we had a really good team down there anyway and it’s just going to get better when he comes.

Steve: So legally, if he did get the boot right now, could he join you guys?

Alexi: Yeah I mean, if, if they were able to work something out, you know, he certainly could…but right now he’s the property of Real Madrid until the end of the season. We’d love to get him and he’s a great player. He’s going to do, he’s already done an incredible amount in terms of attracting some attention to the team, The Galaxy, to the league, to the sport, all that kind of stuff.

Steve: Word is, you’ve already sold a bunch of seats for the…

Alexi: Yeah, yeah. We’re selling tons of seats. We sold thousands just in the twenty-four hours after and we continue to sell them right now. So it’s been good for business but you know as well as I do we’ve gotta kick a ball around and that’s the most important thing is the team does well and he does well.

Steve: But there’s a lot of birds who’ve come up to me and said, “Are you going to get him on the Jukebox?” And then they say – you know, birds who have no clue what football is or soccer.

Alexi: We’ll sell tickets to them, too.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: So…I’m sure all the hype and all the rest of it with Beckham and all that, you’ve been doing lots of press.

Alexi: Yeah, it’s been crazy. I mean, we’ve had people from every corner of the earth calling us and so it’s good for our brand, for the Galaxy to get out there. Everyone now associates David Beckham with The Galaxy which is wonderful but it’s been nuts in our office – in a good way.

Steve: Why do you think he is so popular?

Alexi: I think first and foremost there’s the soccer part of it and you know, from a young age he started to do well. They won championships at Man U, he was scoring…there’s something about a free kick goal cos it’s the one time really in soccer where it stops. We talk about soccer being a free-flowing sport but on free kicks it stops and there is all focus and attention on this one person who is, in this case, hitting a shot and he’s an artist at doing that and so everyone was going crazy about it. Any way you slice it, he’s a good-looking man, that doesn’t hurt. You marry one of the Spice Girls and you know, you play for some very very big clubs and one thing leads to another. You know, there’s a curiosity about him, what he does on the soccer field and what he does off the soccer field.

Steve: He must have a big uh…(pauses, searching for a word)

Alexi: Careful…

Steve: …a – not a big knob…I don’t know, maybe he does. You’ll have to tell me when you’re in the locker room, ambassadoring in the showers. Um, but there’s a big uh…now you’ve thrown me off again, talking about knobs. (Alexi laughs) Why are you doing this to me. Um, he must have a big…machine.

Alexi: Yes, it is a machine.

Steve: And he works his machine.

Alexi: Well of course, of course. Listen, I mean there is an incredible intelligence to this person and not just as the soccer player but as a businessman. He’s in on any type of, any joke, any perceived joke I mean, he sees a whole lot of what’s going on before it actually happens and uses it to his advantage and that, that to be quite honest, that’s part of what attracted us to him because he is smart about what he’s doing and we need smart people on and off the field.

Hey, you were telling me earlier that you’re obviously feeling better and you’re in shape, which you are…are you going to go out and play, or what?

Steve: What, football?

Alexi: No, no.

Steve: Oh, rock and roll?

Alexi: Yes.

Steve: There is talk about us doing some shows in the summer.

Alexi: I was driving up here, I was like, “I’ve gotta ask him, I’ve gotta figure out what’s going on.”

Steve: Yeah…Sex Pistols…there’s a good chance, very good chance that we’ll be playing in London in the summer and Moscow, and Japan. There’s a good chance.

Alexi: Like, Moscow the…

Steve: Well as you would say, “MosCOW”.

Alexi: Wow, you’re going to go to MosCOW.

Steve: (imitates U.S. sort of accent) Yeah, MosCOW and sackker (soccer). Yeah. Apparently.

Alexi: How do you feel about going to Moscow?

Steve: I’m a bit, I’m a bit wary. We was talking (earlier in the show) about being kidnapped and all that. I’m a bit wary there. They’re a funny mob.

Alexi: It’s like the wild west out there now.

Steve: Yeah, anything goes.

Alexi: Hey, you’ll fit in. You’ll be fine.

Steve: Bit worried for me life.

Alexi: You’ll be good. That’s great!

Steve: Yeah. So…you still won’t get to see us.

Alexi: No. So, what – you just don’t want to do anything in the States or what?

Steve: No, we played here about…I think we get more money in places like that. We’ve never been to Moscow, we’ll probably get more dough there.

Alexi: So, it’s not about the art?

Steve: No. It’s always about the dough nowadays. You kidding me?

Alexi: (laughs)

Steve: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind playing but, it’s about time we got paid. We never got paid.

Alexi: Right. So you’re making up for lost time.

Steve: Green Day’s took all our money.

Alexi: (laughs) Oh, here we go…

Steve: Not that I’m resentful or nothing. (laughs) No, good luck to them. But you know…them days are gone, to me, when people would say, “Oh, you sold out, you sold out.” Sold out to what? What does that mean, “selling out”. What does that mean?

Alexi: I don’t know. At this point it’s all been blurred.

Steve: We earned our brownies last year when we turned down the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. What more…you know what I mean?

Alexi: Yeah.

Steve: “Selling out”.

Alexi: So, two shows in each city?

Steve: I say, “Sell everything, take the money”.

Alexi: Sell everything…well, that’s what we’re trying to do.

Steve: Yeah. Do you think I’ll be able to get him on The Box, Beckham?

Alexi: I don’t know. I’ll ask him. I’m the “Ambassador” (a title bestowed upon him by Steve) so I’ll…

Steve: Not ask him. You make him.

Alexi: (resignedly) All right. I’ll make him.

Steve: You’re the Ambassador.

Alexi: You know what, people that are good to The Galaxy…you know, we like to steer people in their direction so when he gets here I’ll ask him.

Steve: I’ve played on that Galaxy turf – with you!

Alexi: Yes you have. Very well, I might add. You didn’t embarrass yourself…

Steve: Well there was…

Alexi: What, you want to bring it up? (Steve starts laughing) I was told specifically not to bring up the time that you played there and had a wonderful game you were doing great and then you had point-blank shot, no problem, no goalkeeper or anything and…

Steve: There was a goalie there! I just missed an open goal.

Alexi: There was a goalie on the field, (but) there was no goalie between the goal and…well, all right. Whatever. We have video evidence.

Steve: I just did one of my riverdance moves and just completely blew it.

Alexi: I’m not saying it wasn’t beautiful. I’m just saying it wasn’t really productive in terms of scoring goals…

Steve: People were laughing at me (I was there, no they weren’t) But I did play on the…that turf’s a bit rough.

Alexi: Oh, don’t blame the turf (general laughter).

Steve: It was a bit knobbly.

Alexi: All right. I’ll give you that.

Steve: It bounced a little bit.

Alexi: It wasn’t the best. We’ll try to get it manicured next time you come.

from 9/30/05 Craig Ferguson Visits The Box

"More? You want MORE??!!" Good, here's come more!

Fabulous, isn't he?

(We join our host and his guest, Mr. Ferguson, at the end of the first half-hour of the show. A set of songs has just been played and well, this is where the recording starts, with discussion in progress)

Craig: …but you’re bordering transvestite with that name, anyway.

Steve: Right. You’re right. Yeah. Silly of me.

Craig: It’s all right.

Steve: Um…did you ever hear of that bloke in that last song? Ral Donner?

Craig: Ral Donner. I’ve heard that guy. I used to work in a fairground when I was a teenager and they used to play that and they used to play a lot of doo wop stuff as well.

Steve: Right, right.

Craig: Um…we used to work on these uh, the waltzers. Do you know the waltzers?

Steve: Yeah, of course. You’d get a Fairground Ted, the guy…

Craig: That was me, except…

Steve: …giving it the large on the side.

Craig: Yeah…it was like, “That’ll Be The Day”, the David Essex film. I used to do that and…

Steve: One of my favorite movies.

Craig: That’s a good film that, isn’t it?

Steve: And follow-up with “Stardust”.

Craig: Yeah, with ah…wasn’t Ringo Starr in it?

Steve: Ringo Starr, Adam Faith…

Craig: And David Essex.

Steve: David Essex.

Craig: David Essex was one of those twinkly blokes, wasn’t he. He was always twinkling. And he used to talk like that, always twinkling, (talking like a “twinkly bloke” ) “I love the ladies”.

Steve: Yeah, he was a, he was a bit pretentious, I thought.

Craig: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steve: You know what I mean?

Craig: Yeah. He was…

Steve: Pretty boy…a pretty boy.

Craig: Pretty boy, twinklin’. But that’s what happens, you see…

Steve: He was like an actor, he was one of these like, kid actors, he reminded me of.

Craig: You know, he reminded me of Jack Wilde, who actually did well over here with “H.R. Puffinstuff”.

Steve: Was he in that?

Craig: Yeah, he was, he was the, he wasn’t H.R. Puffinstuff, but…

Steve: But he was the original…

Craig: Oliver.

Steve: Oliver, right.

Craig: No, ah, what’s his name, ummm…

Steve: Oliver Twist.

Craig: Yeah, but he wasn’t Oliver, he was…(chuckles)

Steve: Is that his last name?

Craig: Oliver Twist.

Steve: Twist.

Craig: Yeah, Oliver Twist, that was his name. Yeah, well…Charles Dickens…they’ve all got names like, “Mrs. Crutchywiggle” and all that. Back in those days, everybody had wiggly names like that. Nowadays names have been shortened.

Steve: Then transvestites came into the picture…

Craig: That’s right – and everything went digital and the names got shorter. What are you doing?

Steve: (Scottish accent) Drinking some water.

Craig: Oh. Okay. I couldn’t see cos it was the radio.

Steve: Um, what about The Rubettes. I know you heard of them.

Craig: Uh, “Sugar Baby Love” was the song you played, right? The Rubettes. They used to always wear these big Donny Osmond caps as I seem to remember…

Steve: And they’re wearin’ them right there.

Craig: Oh, right there on the cover of their cd. They must all be taxi drivers by now, or dead.

Steve: Yeah, probably.

Craig: Yeah.

Steve: Or the rubber on the tires.

Craig: Ooooh…

Steve: But you know what? You know that in some bloke’s office in Denmark Street when they were just like, wearing clogs and platform boots…

Craig: (snickers)

Steve: …and they said, “Okay, I’ve got this song. I’m gonna call you The Rubettes…I’ve got it! White caps!”

Craig: White caps, yeah.

Steve: “That’ll be your image…”

Craig: “That’ll set you apart from the rest…”

Steve: “…all the rest.”

Craig: Yeah.

Steve: Funny stuff.

Craig: I know. I thought: walking sticks. That’s when I was in a band. "We’ll all have walking sticks." Didn’t work.
That’s why you never heard of us.

Steve: Excellent stuff. So, it’s fun, innit?

Craig: What is?

Steve: Being here.

Craig: Well, it’s nice here. I quite like the transvestite club in Luxembourg as well. That was nice.

Steve: I wonder if it’s still there?

Craig: Nah…they roam around. It’s like those parties in L.A., you know the clubs in L.A.

Steve: Swinger parties.

Craig: Do they have them? Really?

Steve: (laughs)

Craig: I’ve heard of them.

Steve: I’d never get in cos you’ve always got to take a bird in with you.

Craig: Well, I wouldn’t go. I’d be too embarrassed. I don’t want to see a bunch of people with their…see, I’ve got very strict rules about sexuality.

Steve: Yes?

Craig: So, if you have sex and there’s another man in the room, you’re gay.

Steve: Right.

Craig: Yeah. Even if you don’t go near him.

Steve: I know what you mean.

Craig: Yeah, that’s my rules.

Steve: I can’t imagine…like two blokes and a bird.

Craig: (Firmly) No, no.

Steve: Touching…testicles, know what I mean? It’s just not good.

Craig: Don’t want that. Don’t you get censored on this show?

Steve: I think so…

Craig: Yeah?

Steve: The RSPCA, they’re always on us.

Craig: (Laughing) The RSPCA…The Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty To Animals. They’re always hovering around.

Steve: I don’t know…I mean, (to Mr. Shovel) have we ever had a knock on the door (from) the RSPCA?

Mr. Shovel: No, but I’ve hit the button quite a few times.

Craig: Oh. Did you, did you hit it there when he said…

Mr. Shovel: Got close. Got close.

Steve: I wasn’t swearin’ there was I?

Craig: No, no…it’s a body part. It was a body part.

Steve: I mean, you know, that’s what doctors call them? Testicles?

Craig: Well, I had a doctor once who said to me…(laughs) I went to the doctor and I had to...I got rid of the doctor, I got another doctor, cos when he was talking about my penis, he said, “How’s Mr. Happy doing?” I said, “I don’t want you calling it ‘Mr. Happy’. You’re a doctor.” He said, “Oh, ho ho.” I said, “NO “oh ho ho”. You have to know the correct medical term. You’re a doctor. And nobody calls it ‘Mr. Happy’, not even me. Not even people I like call my penis ‘Mr. Happy’ and actually, at the moment he’s not very happy because he’s at the doctor.”

Steve: That’s what I mean.

Craig: He’s much happier, he’s happier elsewhere. (general laughter)

Steve: (disgusted) “Mr. Happy”. The bleedin’ cheek…

Craig: (equally disgusted) “Mr. Happy”. Oh gawd. Patronizing bastard…

Steve: How dare he.

Craig: I know. I know. Just cos I never went to medical school…

Steve: I call mine Mr. Sensitive.

Craig: Do you really.

Steve: He’s a sensitive bloke, yeah.

Craig: I don’t call mine at all. And he doesn’t call me.


Steve: Sensitive chap. (They laugh) Are we gonna visit The Duke? We’re here with Craig Ferguson. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox, we’ll be right back after these wonderful messages.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(they’ve returned after the commercial break, Craig comments that he didn’t think that the furniture at the Indie offices would be so modern)

Steve: Yeah, I know. You get an image of…you get an image of things, don’t you, when you don’t see them.

Craig: Well, I thought when I heard the show, that it was coming from a wee, dark, kind of scary place somewhere downtown.

Steve: That’s what it sounds like.

Craig: Yeah, but you come in here and there’s these giant couches out there that look like they’re from…really, couches from another planet.

Steve: They actually look like marrow.

Craig: (exclaims) The DO look like, maybe hollowed out, giant root vegetables…that have somehow been hardened and varnished and turned into…

Steve: and pickled…

Craig: And pickled, and turned into delightful yet tasty furniture. What’re you doing?

Steve: I’m trying to tune this guitar…

Craig: Why you going to start now, after all these years?

Steve: We’re going to do a Whistle in a little bit, and you’re going to whistle.

Craig: All right.

Steve: Now, didn’t you run into Nico or something? Didn’t you have something to do with…

Craig: I used to, I was the drummer for Nico for about ten minutes on a British tour that she did. Nico recorded with The Velvet Underground) It wasn’t at the height of her career. She…I think she enjoyed the ah…what the kids call, the “heroin”. And she used to take a lot of it and she sang very, she sang with a harmonium. Most of the show was done with just her and the harmonium, singing old dirges about Luxembourgian transvestites or something…(imitates her)

Steve: (Singing dirgelike with German accent) Sign ze papers…

Craig: (continues imitation, some unintelligible. Hey, he’s a Scottish guy doing a German accent. Now he shifts to singing dirgelike as Colonel Klink) Colonel Hogan! what do you think you’re doing? (imitates harmonium) dee-dee-dee-dee…

Steve: (He’s laughing)

Craig: You used to use your feet on the harmonium. Do-do-do-do-dooo. So it was kind of like the music for “Jaws” and “Hogan’s Heroes” put together. (they laugh) And then, she, for the last three songs we used to do, “Sweet Jane”, “Waiting For The Man” and “All Tomorrow’s Parties” and that was great, because they’re great songs and she would stop playing the harmonium then and play with the band.

Steve: And then it sounded good.

Craig: Well, certainly better than the harmonium. It’s all relative. I mean, if a crowd has been listening to some German bird playing the harmonium for an hour and a half, it doesn’t matter how bad the band is. When they come on, they’re just delighted to see somebody else.

Steve: Something different, yeah.

Craig: Yeah, exactly.

Steve: I mean, could she actually play? Did she know chords?

Craig: Oh, yeah, yeah. She knew about four, about four of those chords…I think she was very sick. She was a very sick woman by that point, poor soul.

Steve: Oh…

Craig: I wasn’t really a “catch” as a drummer. She didn’t like, get to Scotland and go, “Let’s get this guy!”, you know. I mean cos the good guys were playing with Alex Harvey and The Bay City Rollers.

Steve: And the other bird with the big onions…

Craig: Who’s that?

Steve: Mountains.

Craig: Oh, Moira Anderson.

Steve: Moira Anderson.

Craig: She didn’t need a drummer, it was just bagpipes and accordions with her. She didn’t need, she had the thunderous Japanese kodo drums of her mighty breasts to keep the rhythm.

Steve: What did you think of that movie, “Braveheart”?

Craig: It was alright.

Steve: Was all that true, all that? Not, not the movie…obviously that’s a load of bollocks…

Craig: What, that we hate the English?

Steve: No, the um…well, we know the Scots hate the English…

Craig: No we don’t. See, I don’t think that Scots do hate the English. I think the Scots hate the upper class English. Which is the same as…the English hate the upper class English, too.

Steve: Yeah, I do.

Craig: You know, I mean, Cockneys and guys in Manchester, guys in Newcastle, guys in Liverpool, I’ve always got on fine with people like that. But there is that kind of, you know, the upper class thing. It’s more of a class thing, I think, than it is about Scotland and England.

Steve: It’s terrible, innit, in England, really.

Craig: It’s horrible. It’s just horrible, when you get these (snooty British accent) terrible sort of upper class sort of people like that. I just, I do find them terribly unpleasant.

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: I say you can tell someone’s posh: instead of saying the word, “yes”, they say, (sounds like) “eers”. “Eeers, I do. Eeers.” “Are you going to the (? Unintelligible)” “Eeers, eers, I am.” (they laugh) “Would you like a shag?” “Eeers…eers, I would. Well done.”

Steve: (upper crusty accent) “Hard cheese.”

Craig: “Is that a giant meadow or are you just pleased to see me?”

Steve: “Is that a turnip you’re holding…?”

Craig: “What a lovely root vegetable, Vicar.”

Steve: Um, what’s the other word…? When they say “suit”, too. They say, “syoot”.

Craig: Yes. “I’ve got a Saville Row syoot.”

Steve: “Is the a three-piece syoot?” (they laugh)

Craig: “Did you have that syoot made-to-measure or did you buy it from the rack?”

Steve: “Oh, oh. It’s off the peg...”

Craig: “Oh yes, off the peg.” That’s where the “full monty” comes from, doesn’t it? You know that phrase, it comes from “the syoot”. Cos when folk were getting demobbed from the moor they used to give them the “Full Montague Burton”, which was the name of the tailors that give you the (sounds like “dins”?)

Steve: Burton’s?

Craig: Yeah, Burton’s, Montague Burton’s was the tailors and when people were coming out of the army after the war, they used to give them a suit. They’d give them a demobbed syoot. You’d get the “full Montague Burton”…

Steve: Oh…

Craig: …or “The full Monty”, which meant “the whole thing”, which became, then – not wearing clothes at all…

Steve: Right.

Craig: …in popular, modern parlance.

Steve: So… that was after the Second World War.

Craig: Yeah…but back then I was only in my teens then.

Steve: For winning the war, you got a free suit.

Craig: (laughing) You got a free suit! For storming the Nazis.

Steve: It’s a bleedin’ bargain, innit?

Craig: For ridding the world of the Nazi menace…

Steve: “Here’s a syoot.”

Craig: “Here’s a syoot. Well done, members of the lower order!”

Steve: (laughing)

Craig: “Well done. Here’s some clothes.”

Steve: “Now carry on picking vegetables.”

Craig: “Now, back to your mallows, everyone.” (both laugh) “Would you like some beet root, with your syoot?” Oh, dear.

Steve: What other vegetables are we missing?

Craig: I…think there are root vegetables in other parts of the world, but basically Scotland is turnips. Turnips and ah…

Steve: Parsnips.

Craig: But parsnips is an English thing. We don’t do parsnips. We call ‘em here “sweet potatoes”.

Steve: That’s not the same, though, as parsnips.

Craig: Well, not a parsnip but it’s the same as…

Steve: Sweet potato here is like…

Craig: Well, it’s like an aubergine…

Steve: …orange…orange, innit? It’s like a healthy potato.

Craig: No, no no…it’s a remarkable invention of genetic engineering. It’s a potato which has been sweetened to taste delicious.

Steve: You mean, it’s one of them genetic…

Craig: It’s a genetically altered potato.

Steve: What do you think about all that genetically altered chickens and ducks and pigs…

Craig: I’m all for it. As soon as we can get giant chickens the size of a house, we can rid the world of the Nazi menace and we wouldn’t have to send people out to fight wars, we could send the giant genetically altered animals.

Steve: The genetic ones. Yeah, the genetic ones.

Craig: So then for example, not only – you know…if any of these giant animals are you know, killed in combat, you can send ‘em home tasty.

Steve: Give them an injection and they will make another one and move him on.

Craig: And, you can still eat them.

Steve: But they could turn on ya.

Craig: The could turn…well, that’s usually what happens when you genetically engineer something is that it goes nuts and then goes on a rampage, then you have to call somebody.

Steve: Can always turn on ya, that’s the problem with ‘em.

Craig: It’s like…in the Fifties it was atomic stuff. You know, like Spiderman bit by a radioactive spider.

Steve: Right, right.

Craig: You know. Although nowadays it’s the genetically altered…but it’s so much the same.

Steve: Do you think, do you think that really will be a part of the future though, all that?

Craig: What? Giant chickens, fighting the war?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: Yeah I do. I think…it’s days away.

Steve: With syoots on.

Craig: With syoots. That’ll be…the chickens’ll come back from winning the war and they’ll say, “Where’s OUR suits?” And then the whole, then the whole country will be awash with giant chickens wearing suits going, “Right. Where’s ours? Where’s ours?”

Steve: “Where’s our clobber?”

Craig: Yeah yeah. “Where’s my seed?”

Steve: Bleedin’ cheek.

Craig: “Get out of my way. I’ll peck ya!”

Steve: “I’ll claw you to death!”

Craig: Chickens are uh…I don’t like chickens very much. I had a job once, looking after chickens. I don’t like ‘em. They’re the only birds I know that crap on their own eggs.

Steve: Well, they eat their own feces, chickens.

Craig: “They eat their own feet”, I thought you were going to say. And they might do that, too.

Steve: No, but they do. They eat their own…toilet.

Craig: They eat their own poop, yeah. Well you know, waste not, want not…

Steve: Cows are a lot cleaner.

Craig: Cows are very clean. I have a cow come round to my house to clean it up.

Steve: And pigs. Pigs are, actually…

Craig: Pigs are very clean. Cows and pigs, if left to their own devices will put out scatter cushions and little…pashminas over the couch.

Steve: Yeah, yeah, the plastic ones. (Craig is laughing) If they live in a council house, they put the plastic ones on them.

Craig: That’s right, yeah and they take it off when they’ve got very special people coming ‘round.

Steve: I don’t mind a bit of swine.

Craig: ”You swine, Guv’nor!”

Steve: What do you think about fox hunting? Do you think they should or shouldn’t?

Craig: I…well it depends…

Steve: (Bellows grandly) “I personally think…”

Craig: I, personally…I thought…no. I think all the foxes have been found. I don’t think they have to look any further.

Steve: Well, the genetic ones?

Craig: Well, if it was fox huntin’ for giant altered foxes that could like, fight back - in a convincing manner, I’d be all for it.

Steve: Yeah. It’s a fair fight.

Craig: Then it’s fair. A giant five hundred, six hundred pound fox, then you’re alright.

Steve: Then you’re laughing.

Craig: Yeah yeah yeah. Although you don’t want to get near that.

Steve: No. Especially when they fart. Horrible.

Craig: Well they’re meat eaters, the fox.

Steve: Yeah, I know.

Craig: That’s what make it. Cos animals that, you know, that are - I learned this from my son’s “Everybody Poops” book – that animals that eat just vegetables, their farts aren’t smelly.

Steve: Their what?

Craig: Their farts. They aren’t smelly.

Steve: See, that’s why mine don’t.

Craig: What, you a vegetarian then?

Steve: No.

Craig: But if you eat meat, then they’ll…

Steve: If I go for a week without eating meat…they’re odorless.

Craig: Well, if I…

Steve: Eggs as well. If you have egg whites…

Craig: Yeah?

Steve: Farting for days…rotten.

Craig: Well that’s, it’s the protein, innit?

Steve: So…oh okay. So it’s the protein that make you stink.

Craig: I, I don’t know…I’m not –? (mock indignation) Listen, I never expected to be put under the microscope about my feelings about genetically altered chickens. I came here in all good faith and you’ve, and you’ve put me through the mill all this stuff about genetic engineering for farm animals and fightin’ combat…

Steve: And transvestites. And free suits if you win a war.

Craig: …free suits if you win a war.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, the home of…genetically altered chickens going to war.

Craig: Yeah, and, and you get a free suit if you win.

Steve: Yeah. What does the loser get?

Craig: Um…

Steve: A marrow.

Craig: Swimmin’ trunks. You have to walk around in swimmin’ trunks as punishment.

Steve: Exactly.

Craig: And their chickens all have to be regular-sized.

Steve: You get tarred, as well.

Craig: Tarred and feathered. They used to do that to people, didn’t they?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: Yeah. That’s probably a website for sex with perverts.

Steve: Exactly. They did that to French birds who went on the Nazi side.

Craig: Yeah, that’s right. They used to shave their hair first. Shave them and then tar and feather them.

Steve: Put carbolic soap on them. Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

Craig: (sounds amazed) Carbolic soap? Yeah, I do…why did they put carbolic soap on them?

Steve: No, they didn’t. But I was just…

Craig: Oh you remembered, you remembed carbolic soap?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: I just remembered it too, at the same…well, just after you said it, I remembered it.

Steve: What is, what was that all about? Was it actually soap, or was it like, some detergent or something?

Craig: I think it was soap, but it was a special type of soap that didn’t really get you clean but just gave you a rash.

Steve: It was bizarre, wunnit?

Craig: Yeah yeah yeah. But it was very cheap.

Steve: You know what else gave you a rash, was the toilet paper you used to have at school.

Craig: Yeah…it was very crinkly. Very ah…very…vicious.

Steve: Well, if you put a slice of it ‘round…

Craig: (laughing) A "slice" of toilet paper…

Steve: If you put it ‘round a cone, you could do a hummerzoo with it. (hummerzoo=kazoo)

Craig: Yeah, that right. You had a comb and paper. Yeah, that was how we used to, when I was a serf, that was how we used to make our music at night ‘round the campfire.

Steve: And also, do you remember – here’s one for you, Swarfega.

Craig: Swarfega I used to use when I worked in the factory. It was a big tub of green goo and you get your ha…I wish I had it now, I was working on my motorbike this morning and I got some oil…and I cut my hand, look…and see, if I’d had the Swarfiga, which is that green goo you just rub on and it takes everything off - including a layer of skin…

Steve: I’m sure they have an American version of it.

Craig: Swarfiga? Well, if there’s anyone out there listening, I wouldn’t mind a tub, I’ll pay…

Steve: That stuff would clean anything, wunnit?

Craig: It would, yeah.

Steve: And you’d go into some places, like work places, they’d have like, huuuge tubs of it.

Craig: Giant vats of it.

Steve: FLAGONS of it.

Craig: (this make him laugh) Flagons! Giant, huge, huge amounts of Swarfiga...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

That's all I have for this one...
Tina