This Day In Blog History...

It was one year ago today since this feature first appeared at the Indie website. Ah, memories.

P.S. I added a bit more to the end of "Worms" from a couple a days ago.

Hair

I just received word from Chris! His return home has been delayed and he will be back sometime next week FYI.

"We're the fellas in the dust bin"

September 13, 2006 Hairy Man

(after the opening theme ends, the first thing we hear is Steve playing “No Future” on guitar and harmonica. Mr. Shovel asks him how Bob Dylan would sing it and of course Steve indulges him with his impression of Dylan singing GSTQ)

Steve: I had to remove five jackabites from my MySpace this morning. Why don’t these people learn? I specifically say, “You put me in your Top 8 forever, or you will be banished”.

Mr. Shovel: By the way, I started up my own MySpace for my show and you still haven’t approved me to be your friend.

Steve: You have?

Mr. Shovel: Mmm hmm.

Steve: You know, I’ve got a thousand people pending requests for friends.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe I don’t want to be your friend.

Steve: Well, that’s alright with me. The only way I’m gonna let you be a friend is if you keep coming back and saying some reasons why you want to be me friend. Now just randomly just want to be your friend and then sit there. I’m not into the numbers games. I have less than five hundred friends. I’ve removed three thousand friends.

Mr. Shovel: Do I need to keep coming back and…

Steve: No, I just…what’s the picture look like on yours?

Mr. Shovel: Me, playing the melodica.

Steve: Really?

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: I didn’t see that. When was this?

Mr. Shovel: Few days ago.

Steve: I’ll have to have a look, Shovel. I normally only look if it’s like…

Mr. Shovel: Hot birds.

Steve: If it’s a striking picture. It doesn’t have to be a bird.

Mr. Shovel: It’s a pretty good one.

Steve: Yeah? Let’s have a look. Get it up on that ole piece of plastic over there.

(sings)
No future
No MySpace for Mr. Shovel
No I don’t want to be your friend
On MySpace Mr. Shovel
You can take your Check One Two
And shove it
(this cracks Mr. Shovel up and they both laugh)

Steve: You got the picture there? (pause) I didn’t see that picture.

Mr. Shovel: I sent it from my Helio.

Steve: You need something more striking than that, mate. That just looks like a piece of red…stuff dunnit.

Mr. Shovel: That’s what it is.

Steve: But it could be anything. You should have a logo saying “Check One Two” or something that’s striking. There’s too many people that put pictures there of like, rocks. You know what I mean? Or you know, a bleedin’ tree. You just don’t even look at ‘em. Something’s got to catch you eye with your picture.

Mr. Shovel: How about if I put my cleavage on there?

Steve: That would help. That would help, mate. You know what I do to torture people if I’m on their Top 8? I got this picture of this hairy bloke. He looks like a Persian dude. He’s lying on a bed, naked on his…so you see his ass and his back and he’s like, covered in hair. I like putting that picture up there.

Mr. Shovel: It’s probably a closer representation than the picture you have up there now.

Steve: Ayyyy. I changed it…I put the clown back, the jester. Got any ideas for songs? I wish I had an idea for a song.

Mr. Shovel: I was quite content with the Dylan.

Steve: You liked that? What about Hairy Man? This is always a good one to play, the chords. The “Drive” song, by The Cars? Can’t beat ‘em.

You hairy sod
How did you get so hairy
Is it something that you eat
Or does it just run in your family

You really don’t need to wear clothes
In the winter
Cos it looks like you’re wearing
A mohair jumpsuit

You don’t even need
A thing to sleep on
Cos you look like
The Sherwood Forest

You hairy sod
How’d you get so hairy
Did you have it off with
A girl named Mary

And I know that you can
Go to a place and get it waxed off
But it’s quite painful
At first

You almost bleed
I tried it once when I was into
Body building

You hairy sod
Oh you hairy sod

Who’s gonna wax your back tonight
You can’t go on
You hairy sod

Who’s gonna wax your back
When he calls
Who’s gonna shave your nuts
When he falls

You can’t go on
Thinking the hair’s all gone
Who’s gonna wax your back tonight
-not me!

Who’s gonna shave you down when you fall
What are we gonna do with all that hair now that it’s gone
I could make a cushion out of it
or I could
feed some poor people
Who’s gonna wax your back
when you fall

(The latter part of the song is was interspersed with Mr. Shovel's sound effects that simulate the ripping sound of the hair waxing process, some sort of electrical equipment and the anquished outcries of out host. The End.)

Worms

September 12, 2006 Worms

Steve: I dunno what’s going on, but in my garage this morning I noticed that worms go in there to die. What is going on? Is it like, the season of…worms killing themselves or something? Do they have like, an end of a life and then they kind of, go somewhere to die? What is that with worms?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a spiritual thing…

Steve: I mean, literally. I mean outside the garage there’s like grass and that where they probably come out of right? But they all go into the garage. I see ‘em like you know, worming their way in there and then they curl up and just die.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe they’re not going there to die, but they do because there’s no dirt there.

Steve: No, but their instinct would tell them to stay in the dirt if they wanted to stay in the dirt. I don’t understand it. There’s literally like, twenty worms in there. Just, just…they go in there.

Mr. Shovel: And where do they come from?

Steve: Well, I guess they come in out of the grass.

Mr. Shovel: Did you put some kind of chemicals on your grass?

Steve: You know what? I think the gardener, cos my grass was dying so he put all this stuff down. He put all this stuff down to…

Mr. Shovel: So they’re fleeing, actually.

Steve: Well, they hardly “flee” cos they’re worms and they’re very slow.

Mr. Shovel: Right, but they’re fleeing the best they can to get to a safe place and they couldn’t make it across the Death Valley of your garage.

Steve: You know they don’t have legs, worms.

Mr. Shovel: Exactly.

Steve: Nor bones. Did you know that? They’re boneless.

Mr. Shovel: Mm hmm. Like a filet.

Steve: They just kind of…how do they move, they kind of use muscle I guess. They’re just one muscle and they just kind of worm their way across…aw, that’s too bad. Yeah, cos he put all this stuff down to try and make the grass grow cos it was kind of not happening.

Mr. Shovel: Grass needs worms, though.

Steve: I’ll bet it must be the chemicals. That’s why they’re all coming in the garage. Aw. What should I do? It’s a bit late, now. I think they’re all dead. All twenty of them. I’m saddened now.

Mr. Shovel: At least your grass is going to be green, Steve.

Steve: Well it doesn’t look like it’s doing…

Mr. Shovel: Mister Green. (laughs)

Steve: I do think green.

Mr. Shovel: I know.

Steve: It’s weird. I’m going to have to have a word with him. Couldn’t he put down some anti worm-killing stuff to make the grass…

Mr. Shovel: Well you could put manure down there but then it’s going to stink.

Steve: I actually don’t mind the smell of manure, like, horse manure. I actually like that smell for some weird reason. It reminds me of farms. I like farms.

Mr. Shovel: That would be more eco-friendly.

Steve: I’ll have to have a word with him. Should I do a song?

Mr. Shovel: Ode to your worms.

Steve: Do a song about worms? Okay. Poor worms. Let me think…

Worms slimy little creatures
They’ve all tried to escape
Out of the grass
Poor little worms

They’ve got nowhere to go
They’ve been hoed
Now they’ve got to go
To worm heaven

With all the other little worms
And all the other creatures
From big to small
Big to small

I must confess I kill ants
Especially when they come inside
And get into your Weetabix

They really make a mess
Of everything they touch
But I do enjoy spraying them with stuff
And watching ‘em
Watching ‘em run for help

Poor little ants
The ants do actually eat the worms

Steve: They were all on one of them the other day. He couldn’t get away. That’s why they go in the garage, to get away from the ants, I’ll bet.

(continues song)

The ants and worms are having a war
But it looks like the little ants
Gang up on ze worms

Poor ants
Poor worms
They’re all creatures
God’s creatures
Yes they are

But it’s the survival of the fittest
And if you can’t take
the chemicals
Then get out the grass

Poor little creatures
You’ve got to get better brains
You’ve got to go to school
Like everybody else

So you’ll know what to do
In sticky situations

Let’s play some rock and roll, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~ ~~

(after a set of songs)

Steve: All dead worms, come to the vestibule immediately. We will clean you of chemicals and put you back in the green grass.

Poor worms. They didn’t mean any harm to anyone. They don’t hurt anybody. Although they do…they eat us when we die, so they do have the last laugh. Unless you…want to avoid that, then you get cremated. So if you don’t want to be eaten by worms…

Mr. Shovel: So they’re really at the end of the food chain.

Steve: Yeah. They eat the human flesh and all the ‘balming fluids. What is ‘balming fluid? Why do they do that? Do we look that bad when we die that they have to kind of put make-up on us?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know.

Steve: What would you do, Shovel? Out of choice, when you die, what would be prefer? To be ‘cinerated or buried?

Mr. Shovel: Well, because my family would be prefer it, I’m going to be buried.

Steve: Really.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t really care. But they need that, you see?

Steve: Yeah. I would rather be burnt cos I don’t like going underground. I get claustrophobic and my soul might not get out of there if it’s buried down underneath. Cos you never know. You might you know, like people say you come back in a different life? Can you imagine if you kind of, come-to, and you’re buried?

Mr. Shovel: What if you came back as a worm, eating yourself?

Steve: It’s a whole vicious cycle we live in. I don’t understand life, or death actually. None of it means anything to me. Why am I here? I know what makes sense, though. Let’s go and visit The Duke.

Men In White Satin

(Steve has just finished the whistle and announced the winner)

Steve: The song that I was singing was a song that should be banned worldwide but, I dunno why but it just came to my head. Probably heard it about fifteen years ago and the memory bank dialed it in this morning and I just kind of figured it out, it’s pretty easy. It’s one of the medieval songs innit, kind of medieval. Frilly shirts and tight pants on. I don’t have it with me…

Mr. Shovel: (in background) Damn.

Steve: …but I can do my rendition of it, see what happens.

Nights in white satin
Never meeting again
I’d like to smash your head in
Whoever wrote this song

It’s so medieval it sounds like Stonehenge
Sling a bone to the doggie
The one who’s at the end of the big table
In the castle

Cos I love you
Love you yes I love you
Oh, I love you
yes, medieval man

Man with hay around your feet
who invented the wheels
who raised the taxes
who lowered the drawbridge

The poor old peasants
left ‘em with nothing
just for the fat old king who got mega-gout
from rich foods
and drinking too much port

but I love you
love you yes I love you
oh, I love you
oooh I love you

Nights in white satin
They’re awful sheets
Have you ever slept in satin sheets
You slide right out of bed

I hear the brothers like the satin sheets
I have no reason why
I’d rather a hundred percent cotton
They’re much better on my skin

Who buys satin sheets
I’d like to know who
But I’m partial to purple

I’ve lost my train of thought

I’m a knight who wears satin
I’m funny that way
I like men who wear satin too
We have a right old laugh

(He cracks himself up, Mr. Shovel can be heard laughing in background)

Steve: Oh, I can’t take it anymore. Ooh, send that song to the graveyard. It’s already in the graveyard, innit? Men In White Satin…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(later in the show)

Guys in tight satin
They like to have a laugh
Where can I get some white satin
I wanna be like the other guys

I love guys in white satin
They really move my
Knob
I’m looking for some fellas
That don’t mind having a laugh

In the bushes bushes
Ohh, the bushes
Ohh the bushes
In the park
In the lavatory

You know what I’m talking about
Guys in tight satin
Jason king, yeaaahhhh


~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(still later in the show)

Guys in white panties
Never need no friends
They get what they ask for
They like things that bend

Blokes in white panties – pantaloons
Never needing no friends
They’d better watch out now
cos they’re gonna get a good kicking

And I love them
Lord knows I love them
Yes guys in white panties
Blokes in white pantaloons

Steve: Oh, I feel a little better. Cheered meself up.

Everybody Wants To Be A Star

From September 8, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. It’s five after twelve bells. I feel like I'm getting something, like some flu or something. It’s a little scratchy thing in me throat…I feel weak. (plays “No Future” on guitar for a few moments, it sounds Beatle-y) Um, what’s happening today? Anything happening?

Mr. Shovel: Well, we have tickets for Jeff Beck.

Steve: Oh, alright, Jeff Beck. Oh actually I bought a Jeff Beck…(he is interrupted by the ring of his cell phone, he answers it) Hello.

Female caller: (slightly audible in background) Hey, Jonesy.

Steve: Yeah.

Female caller: So you’re not feeling well today, are you?

Steve: No.

Female caller: What’s going on?

Steve: I’ll talk to you in a bit, I’m on the radio.

Female caller: Okay.

Steve: (sounds like he cut her off) Imbecile. I think these people just want to be heard, go to any lengths. Could you hear their voice?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. She obviously just heard you say you’re not feeling well and so she called.

Steve: Right. Ah, that makes a lot of sense.

Everybody is a star
Everybody wants to be a star
Oh everybody wants to be a star
Everybody wants to be a star

If everybody was a star
There would be no such thing
As stars
If we all were stars
It would defeat the purpose
That’s why they are stars
Cos there’s only a few

There’s no room for you
To be a star
It’s just for me and people like me
You’ll never ever make it
You ain’t got what it takes
But you think you do

You bleedin losers
There’s no room for you
On this roster
Oh you poor sods
Just keep on trying

Steve: Go on Shovel, say something. You look like you’ve got this…like you want to have a poo.

Mr. Shovel: You sound like my dad.

Steve: What does he say?

Mr. Shovel: Pretty much what you’re saying.

Steve: Really?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Oh, cos he’s a…

Mr. Shovel: Well, he’s not a star, but…

Steve: He’s a meteorologist, star guy, right?

And stargazers are better than star searchers
We gaze into the eyes of the stars
For no real purpose

You want to look at the monkeys in the zoo
And the giraffes on the safari
And the elephants and their tusks
And the crocodiles and they all
Are stars in their own right
and zoo ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh

we’re all stars shining down
shine on down shine on down
shine on down shine on down
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(after the first set of songs)

Steve: …and before that was David Bowie, “Prettiest Star”. That’s for all you ones trying so hard to be famous. In the land that’s drawn you to this place called Hollywood, Tinsel Town…drawn like a magnet to a piece of lead…drawn you in and then spits you out to become prostitutes. Destitutes. Go back home to Idaho (with a) big “L” on your forehead. “I never made it! I’m gonna pick corn now for the rest of my life. Potatoes. Combine harvesters. Losers. Don’t even attempt to be a star. You’ll never amount to nothing! Do you understand how difficult it is to be famous? Very difficult. But…maybe I could help you, in a kind of a way…I have many powers.
And I’m not talking to the men, either. Maybe I could help you get a part…

Mr. Shovel: (sarcastic) That’ll get ‘em on a bus.

October Playboy

The October issue of Playboy Magazine features an article about Jonesy

This article covers many things with which Pistols aficionados and regular listeners of The Box are already familiar, but there's a lot more there that makes it worthwhile.

From the Indie 103.1 website (click on pic)

Steve, Jerry Lee Lewis and Mr. Shovel

(don't the Box boys look so handsome)

Our beloved ChrisWas should be back from his vacation by the 10th - hurry back! It's been a loooong time...you are missed!

September 7

A What's It All About song by Steve Jones

Life is strange
Life is strange it’s so strange
I don’t know where I am
Life is strange stranger than strange

It’s all ways change
It never stays the same
Life is strange too strange for me
Go to the Golden Gate Bridge
and think about it

When you’re young
You don’t have a care in the world
Nothing bothers you
Nothing at all

And then one day you’re older
and it hits you like a ton of bricks
Full of fear, mortgage
and a load of kids

Life is strange
Life is strange
Strange strange strange
Life is strange

What’s it all about
What’s it all about
That is the question
I want to find out
Right now

It ain’t in religion
It ain’t in gambling
It ain’t about shopping
It ain’t about sex
It ain’t about drugs
It ain’t about alcohol
Tell me what it is

It’s all about the big Greenie
The Jean Greenie
The Jean Jean Greenie
a-wonga a-moolah
dough-re-mi

I wish there was no crime
so you wouldn’t have to buy locks
You wouldn’t need bank doors
You wouldn’t need car alarms
You could throw away your club lock

But that’s unrealistic
Because we wanna get more
The easy way out
We wanna get
Ours
Mine
Yours
That’s what it’s all about

Why can’t we be friends
without an agenda
What do you really want, Mister
I ain’t gonna give ya

I gotta have faith
I gotta have faith
I gotta have faith

Without crime
there’d be no pistols
There’d be no machine guns
and weapons of mass nothing

What’s it all about
What’s it all about
and no Sex Pistols
No no

There’d be no Jerry Lee
The King of Rock and Roll
Oh yeah baby
What we gonna do
Where we gonna go
Where have we been
Who we gonna see
What we gonna do now?

Stuff of great import.

Is that a fez?

See what those guys at Indie have been doing with their Helio deeevices. In this episode we are treated to Steve performing to Klaus Nomi's interpretation of "Can't Help Falling in Love", clad as a "pirate".*

now that's just crazy.

I heard tell that this guy is going to visit the Box on Wednesday! This guy:

*Art Direction and Costume Design by Shovel Couture.

Happy Birthday, Steve!

It's almost *Someone's* birthday...

You look so surprised - surely you didn't forget!

Just a few more hours....

(this here blog is on Scottish time)

August 29 2006 Got The Greens

I Got The Greens by Steve Jones

This is a song about the blues
Why do people write
Songs about the blues?
It’s always the same
How they’re unhappy

I guess that’s why they call it the blues
I don’t understand what it means
I’m going to start a new form of music
I’ve got the greens

I’ve got the greens
I’m so happy, nothing could be sweeter
Every day’s wonderful
Me old girl’s still with me
I love my life
I love my life

I got the greens
I got the greens
Just won the lottery
Just won the lottery
I can’t be happier today
I just won the lot-ter-y

Hee hee hee hee
I got the greens
I got the greens
I got the greens
I got the greens

(harmonica bit)

Steve: (stops playing) Oh, It’s hard to play it and keep in time and do that at the same time. I’m not dyslexic, or anything, but…I keep losing my rhythm when I’m concentrating on my…

Mr. Shovel: Well, it’s a whole new form of music so you can just invent that it’s okay to be off-time.

Steve: Exactly. (continues with his song)

I got the greens
I got the greens
Everybody’s happy
Because I got the greens

There’s no such thing as a bad mood
When you got the greens

Woke up this morning
Got out of bed
Opened the window, stuck out my head
I saw the sun and the sky
And I said oh mymymy

I got the greens
Got the greens
Everybody happy you know what it means
We got the the greens
We got the greens

I’m so happy
I got the greens oh yeah
You know what this means we got the greens

I walk down the road
I went to my job
I had a better attitude
with my boss

I wanted to say
“Hey Boss, I love my job
can I get a few more hours
cos I love my job”

He says,
“Sure boy, just clock in there
and put in a few more hours”
Ohhhh I got the greens
I got the greens

I love my job
I got the greens
I love my goddamn job
I got the greens
You know what it means
Yeah yeah alright

I got the greens
I got the greens
I got the greens

There’s a girl on the corner
With a short skirt
She’s giving me a wink
And a smile
What does that mean
Does she want my knob
Yeahh I got the greens
Everybody’s happy

August 28 Think Nothing Of It

Mr. Shovel: We had a booth set up outside of Best Buy at La Brea and Santa Monica…

Steve: Yeah?

Mr. Shovel: …and apparently a couple of um…the working lady-men came up, looking for you.

Steve: Working lady-men?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. At Santa Monica and La Brea.

Steve: People who worked in Best Buy?

Mr. Shovel: No. The Transvestites.

Steve: (curious) Really?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. Big fans.

Steve: (does that sort of ‘stinging’ sound on the guitar and says all sly-like) Comin’ to get ya, ladies and gentlemans. I wish I could do this a little faster, make me sound more professional. Oh, I got rigor mortis in my big finger. Comin’ ta gitcha, lady-man. See if my harp works (blows on harmonica, starts a blues riff on guitar and sings)

I’m standing on the corner
Sunset and La Brea
I’ve got my high heels on
With my Adam’s apple

I got some stockings and money too
I wanna getcha
Wanna have a look atchoo
Because I’m a

Mancheefrill Man
and my middle name is Sweetie Pie
I’m looking for some Johnnies
To make some money
To get my next bit of…surgery

Do I want ass implants?
Or some knockers, too?
My calves are looking a little small
Maybe I’ll get them, too

Maybe I’ll get a new facelift
With some implants in my cheeks
I gotta do a lotta sucking baby
To get what I need cos I’m a

Mancheefrill Man
You know what I mean
I’m the Mancheefrill Man
You can always find me
On Sunset and Vine or
La Brea or somewhere down in that neck of the wood

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(this, after the first set of songs)

Steve: …and then we had Kevin Ayers before that and that song was called, “Didn’t Feel Lonely ‘til I Thought Of You”. What a great line that is. Well, don’t think of ‘em then. You won’t be lonely. Go to a hypnotist to not think about people.

You’re getting deeper. You’re going deeper, you’re getting sleepy. You’re getting sleepy…five, four, three, two, one. You are out.
You will not think of anybody.
You will not think of anything, actually.
You will actually just not think.
And we are coming out…five, four…when I (snap) my fingers you will have your eyes wide open…three, two, one.

See, I do hypnotism en masse, people…not one-on-one. Have you ever tried not thinking of anything?

Mr. Shovel: Hhhuh?

Steve: (laughs) That’ll be three hundred dollars, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: Hhhuuh?

Steve: Have you ever thought of not-thinking? (cracks himself up with this thought, muses on it further) “Have you ever thought of not-thinking” (keeps laughing as he thinks about it some more). It’s impossible not to think, you know that? Try not thinking: rrriiiight...now.

Mr. Shovel: Some people have an easier time with it.

Steve: Go on, then. Try and think of not thinking. Your brain is always doing something.

Mr. Shovel: That’s zen.

Steve: Hold on, hold on a sec. I’m just going to test meself. (pause) Yeah, I’m thinking of me listening to me silence. (another pause) It’s amazing. You can not turn your brain off.

Mr. Shovel: I can, definitely.

Steve: Yeah? I’m working on it. You know, I’m on that plane that’s kind of…it’s blurry when I work on not-thinking, it kind of blurs it out but it’s still there underneath. It’s not like completely not-thinking.

Mr. Shovel: Like, don’t think of…green elephants.

Steve: Okay.

(pause)

Mr. Shovel: (commanding) Don’t think of green elephants!

Steve: I did it. I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking of green elephants. I was thinking of transvesticism, actually. I have many fans in all the areas, Mr. Shovel. I range from you know, homophobic people to transvestites. I go the whole gamut. I don’t care. I love everybody. If you’re a fan of The Box, I’m a fan of you. I understand your need for differences so it’s all good. There is no religion, it’s all hogwash. Just believe in yourself and be nice to other people. Do the right thing. It’s as simple as that. Forget Ali Baba and the Jesus and Christian and all the other hogwash. It’s not necessary. Lead yourself, don’t follow others. That’s my two-penneth of today, brought to you by Helio.

August 24th About Rocks and Twigs and Origins

Steve: Time. Who cares about time? It’s just a number. (starts to play some notes on guitar) I wonder how many hours have been, in the life of the world? Could you get me some reverb on my…? (continues playing) Time had to start somewhere, right?

Mr. Shovel: (pauses, then) Mmnnnn...no.

Steve: Time never ‘started’ anywhere?

Mr. Shovel: No, it could just be a big circle.

Steve: It didn’t all of a sudden go, “boom” and then there was planets…it did, wunnit? The Big Bang, that’s how all the planets started, wunnit?

Mr. Shovel: That doesn’t mean that was the beginning of time.

Steve: It’s a funny question, an interesting question I ask myself.

Mr. Shovel: See, time is an illusion, Steve.

Steve: It could be. (plays a bluesy bit) Yes there’s been a lot of hours, though, in ‘Time’ as-we-don’t-know-it.

Mr. Shovel: Because they didn’t even know how long an hour was back then.

Steve: No. I’m sure people were a lot happier when there was no clocks.

Mr. Shovel: They had metric hours.

Steve: I wonder what the caveman said to his mate, “I’ll see you over that hill,” …at, what? What did he say? “…when the sun is on top of me head, I’ll meet you over there.” “When the sun is straight up in the air.” That’s twelve bells, right? When it’s kind of up top…

Mr. Shovel: So they said, “I’ll see you over there at twelve bells.”

Steve: “I’ll see you over there at sun-on-me-head. One minute past sun-on-me-head.” Cos when it’s like, four o’clock, it’s obviously a lot lower. So they probably figured it out like that, I would imagine.

Mr. Shovel: Then there’s the Daylight Savings time, which probably threw ‘em all off, too.

Steve: Yeah, I don’t think they cared about you know, farmer’s time. Hour forward, hour back. I don’t think they cared about all that. All they cared about was getting a bit of meat inside ‘em…and whacking someone over the head. You know, that was the…I think that’s where all the aggro is actually started from. When someone discovered a stick, they picked it up and then could bang it on the head of someone else and take their meat. I think that’s when the poison started.

Mr. Shovel: (way in the background, amidst the sound of cd cases being moved about) You think?

Steve: Way back then. You know what I mean? That was the beginning of The Poison. Or do you believe that Man, it’s just part of Man to get one over on another man? Survival I guess, right. You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: Trying to put some good music on here for ya, Steve.

Steve: (sounding properly British) Yes…please. (He pauses, and starts again in the manner of a great orator):
When Man discovered…more echo, please. (starts over) When Man discovered a branch, a twig, a piece of wood, even a rock (the theme of 2001: A Space Odyssey starts up in the background now)

Mr. Shovel: Bone!

Steve: A bone from a dynosaurus rex…when he discovered he could whack it over the head of his fellow man (the music surges as it does in “2001”)…ooh gawd, that was a bit sharp wasn’t it? (continues) how he could whack it over the head of his fellow man, discovered he could take his meat and his woman. He thought, “’Allo. I’ll have some more of this.” I believe that’s when The Poison started, up to this very day. When one country tries to get over on another country, in perception and all kind of devious manners, it did actually start with the stick and the rock on the other bloke’s head. We’ve come a long way. Our intertwined deceptions have been a lot more masterful. But at the end of the day, it all amounts to one thing.

(he pauses as the 2001 Theme reaches it’s famous crescendo)

Do you know what that one thing is?

(pause) I haven’t got a clue. (fervently) But we must, I insist, I COMMAND, that we continue whacking each other over the head with rocks, twigs, sticks and bottles and bones. It’s in our nature, people! Get used to it. There is no good or evil, we’re all rotten bastards underneath! Except me, I am the Goodness of All Good.

What am I sayin’? Is this a Quinn Martin Production or James Mason? I’m not sure what role I’m in. I think I’m in Ben Hur. Move me over to the other soundstage, would you? Just direct me in the direction of the script and the director. I want to run through my lines with him one more time. Okay Mr. Director, what did I say, then? “Barons and sticks and twigs”, could you change that bit? I don’t like the way that runs off my tongue. What about if I say “Machine guns and mass destruction and jackabites”? That sounds a lot more along the lines of confusion to confuse people of what really’s going on in this goddamn forsaken world.

I believe there is no ‘hours’ anymore. There’s no such thing as “twelve bells”. There’s only “Twelve Bollocks” and I am the Master of Bollocks. “Never Mind The Bollaxius”, that’s what they’ll be saying in the days of the future, when we’re all floating around…in Earth. There is no Earth, there will be space stations and there will be an album and it will be called, “Never Mind The Bollaxius, The Intergalactics Are Here”. Help me, Shovel, I don’t know what I’m saying next. Let’s play a song. Let’s play a song, let’s play – UFO! Yes, I knew it was for a reason…UFO. I knew God was working through me. Thank you, God. This song’s called, “Cherry”. Take it away, please.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: I’m going to go and see the hypnotist after my show, for eating. He helped me with the smoking, it’ll be five years on October 24th. I’ll be five years off cigarettes. But now I’ve become a fat bastard. So I’m going to go and see him for to stop me from eating. Oh, I do love eating. Just saying it makes me hungry…eating. Meat, sticks, rocks, food and then came fire, changing the whole concept up. (the“2001” theme is on again) Couple of twigs rubbed together, them sticks come in handy in other ways than bashing over the head. Flick, flick, flick…oh there’s fire. Now we can keep warm. Then what came next? A wheel. When that wheel (was) discovered, then we could go ‘round and ‘round and take things a lot further. And then there was coal. Coal was discovered and then came the evil of all evils – OIL. We must retread our path. We must go back in time. You understand? Yes, of course you do. We must think Green. We MUST, do you understand!? This has been a two-penneth minute, brought to you by Helio.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: (his voice echoes as if in a cave) I hope you enjoyed today’s Box of Magnificence. I want you to go and see a man in a white cloak with leaves ‘round his head and if his name is Neo or Caesar or Incubus, I want you to go up to him and say, “I am the man who can, for two hours a day, do what he wants. The Sire of Wilshire, the Pontiff of Pop, (2001 Theme has worked its way back in again) The Licker of Lichtenstein, your Excellency of Excellence. Yes…the Shepard’s Bush Goal Machine. All Things Wonderful and Creative. The Sheriff of Rockingham, the Neo of Radio. The Nero, I mean, of Radio…no, not Robert DeNiro, Nero – the Roman Geezer. Do you understand?

It all started with rocks, twigs and T Rexes. Yes! Elephants with tusks a mile long. We love the ivory. Ivory Towers…Yes, Yess!

(The 2001 Theme explodes and ends. Steve and Mr. Shovel jump into a live version of “CC Rider” just like Elvis would do…)

Glen's Birthday!

In celebration of Glen's 50th birthday, we have transcribed the interview he did with Steve that took place on December 19, 2005 when Glen visited The Box. You can read it at Sex-Pistols.net


Happy Birthday, Mr. Matlock!

From Monday August 21

Steve: I had a long time to reflect when I was away for two weeks. I’ve come to the conclusion that I going to be more green with some of my…I’m going to be promoting green a lot more than I was before. You know what I mean.

Mr. Shovel: Money.

Steve: Awww yeahhh. (they laugh) You know what I mean, right?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: More conscious things to do about the environment. I think that’s a good thing and I have a platform to do that and I think, you know, our government ain’t interested so you have to be an entrepreneur in other ways. That’s what people are doing, starting to get entrepreneurs to do things to make the environment better and I thought, well, why don’t I do that? Cos I’m all for it and I think it’s not a case of being all for it, it’s not about hippies any more. It’s not about weaklings who wear clogs and sandals it’s about everyone who needs to be hip to it cos if you don’t, it’s the end. You know what I mean? It’s not about, it’s not about um…you’re not a pussy if you vote for, if you’re for Greenpeace, you know what I mean? It’s a thing that everyone needs to get hip to, whether it’s a car, whether it’s recycling, whether it’s…there’s a million things. I don’t want to get into it right now cos I’m not an expert, but I feel in my soul that it’s something that people need to be informed about. Do you understand?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: Do you agree?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. It’s a weird time. One day in a hundred years, people will look back and go, “I can’t believe they were driving around with these cars.”

Steve: Driving Hummers.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Ten miles to the gallon. Yeah, I know. It’s ludicrous. It’s absolutely ludicrous. So, there you go. So I’m going to be whooping Green on ya every now and again. I feel it again, Mr. Shovel and I’m gonna whoop some Honeymoon Suite on you. (music starts in background) You do understand don’t you? Throw away your clogs. Smoke your hemp. Recycle your toilet paper. (bellowing) And you MUST endure…the Chiefs of Mancheefrills….

August 22, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. On the radio.
You know all that stuff that happened a little while ago in England, them guys were going to blow the planes up, did you hear about that?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, yeah I did.

Steve: Because of that, now you can’t take toothpaste and…

Mr. Shovel: Hair gel…

Steve: …water…basically, next you’re going to have to go on naked. The next time there’s a scare, like, you can’t wear clothes. I personally, I’m a big conspiracist theory-ist and I think that was something that was manufactured, you know, like, what do they call it, “staged”. I think the whole thing was staged, to be honest with you. To keep the people feared-up, to keep you believing in, you know, give a good reason to keep going on with this war.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, and when it happened, I heard people…you go right back to that, “Let’s throw everybody out of the country” mentality.

Steve: Yeah. Exactly. You get “feared” and that’s the name of the game, you know. That’s my, that’s my take on it. When I first heard that, I thought that it was like, something didn’t seem right. I dunno. I’m not a political person, I’m just going with my gut and my gut told me it was a phony situation. Because, you know, there’s nothing happens for a while, you start…even, even the most ardent supporter of the war or whatever, starts thinking, “Well, why are we doing this war?” and so you have to have a little jolt now every now and again to make you think, “Oh that’s why we’re in the war cos there was going to be a bunch of Muslims going to blow up a bunch of planes, but we caught ‘em.

Mr. Shovel: But it’s so completely upside-down and backwards because being in the war is actually making it more likely that that will happen again.

Steve: Right. Well, it’s all ass-backwards. Everything’s ass-backwards. You know, worried about, you know, foreigner’s oil, people who hate you, buying oil off people who hate you, supposedly…well, that seems like real, that they’re not too keen on us in America and the West, Muslims in the Arab lands, it seems like they don’t like you but we buy oil off ‘em, to pay for the…we’re paying, we’re paying for the war both ways, we’re paying it for the oil and we’re spending the money to kill ‘em, too. It don’t make no sense. You know what I mean? Get rid of the oil. You know? Don’t need it. Think of other ways. There is other ways, we just need to get smart and get on board of other ways to create an energy.

Mr. Shovel: “But Steve, it’s not about the oil, they don’t like our way of life. They don’t like the fact that we’re free!”

Steve: Right. Okay. That’s my tuppence today. “Jonesy’s Tuppence. Brought to you by Helio. And now we’re going to play Kiss. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.”

Here are some shots of Steve and some of those HUFC boys from Hollywood United's game at the Home Depot Center

Magma

The Los Angeles Times has named their list of the 100 most powerful people in Southern California. A look at the list shows:

Assorted land barons, philanthopists, do-gooders, entertainment moguls and tastemakers

Police Chief of Los Angeles

Sheriff of L.A. County

Archbishop of Los Angeles

Mayor of Los Angeles

Governor of California

and...

It's good to see that some folks at the L.A.Times know magma when they see it. They also named John and Ken from KFI 640 to the list! That's another fine choice says me. I do so like KFI.

T.

July 26th 2006 The Buzzcocks visit the Box (bunker).

LATE FINAL EDITION...

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. The part of the Internet where we bring to you the choicest cuts of Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1. Pretty much anything can happen here but it is our #1 intention to showcase Steve Jones, Mark Shovel and any guests that may appear on the show. That's all you need to know.

Floratina my co-blogger is on a bit of a sabbatical from the chriswasanon blog (posh rest) but will return. Just a wee while and she’ll be back.

But first the blog…bit.

And in a packed blog tonight…Steve is off on his hols, yerst, he packed his bucket and spade, a pair of speedo trunks, and his little black address book. He buggered off in his jalopy into the wide open yonder. So this week on the Jukebox is a week of repeat shows

“The Smash news,” a unique feature. You vill be familiar by now mit zis hitherto unknown unique speciality of cooking.

On Thursday July 26th those old “ponk rockerz” the Buzzcocks visited the box. Due to other matters, running a shop etc & hiding from customers, (my favourite) there has as yet been no Buzzcocks post here.

“Love you more,” “Promises.” “Ever fallen in love with someone (you shouldn’t have fallen in love with?)” Just perfect songs of teen tribulation. The first time I heard the Buzzcocks was on Radio 1. John Peel (see the tribute link on this blog). He was playing the flipside to “Love you more”. The b side “Noise annoys." I still yet hear Peelie’s intonation.

“The Boozcocks.”



Trivia time. In the North round Manchester way. the local elderly worthies used to call young blades and lads “buzzcocks,” apparently so a wiki on the Buzzcocks subject said. So here was me thinking that they named themselves after a sex machine. Bet you thought the same!

It’s time. Get in the Tardis, it's titchy wee on the outside but that's a deception. Inside you could park a 14 wheel articulated trailer unit. 12X Maybe.

Step back to the 26 July 2006 Buzzcocks interview. They’d just played the House of Blues and were heading out to another gig that night. (T)ime (A)nd Relative(D)imension (I)n (S)pace. There's a packet (or 55) of ”Smash” to "nourish" and sustain us. 1.2.3.4 Thunderbirds and some well bastard pot noodle. Probably..not well bastard, probably just bastard.

This was the first time that the secret alternative broadcast location known as “the bunker” had been used. As opposed to the usual studio on Wilshire Avenue for Indie 103.1 where the show is normally broadcast from.

Present.

Pete Shelley and Steve Diggle, (guitars) Tony Barber (bass and producer). Danny Farrant (drums and erstwhile Alarm and Spear Of Destiny stixman.). Steve Jones interviewing and Mark “take it away Mr. Shovel” Shovel.

Chriswasanon is at the controls.

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 and we are in the bunker with the Buzzcocks and that was the Flying Buritto Brothers and that song was called: “Older guys.” And before that we had Kitsch that’s the Heavy metal kids and that song was called, “Swallow day Inn,” (Squalliday Inn) and then we started off with Status Quo from an album, “Piledriver,” and that song was, “Don’t waste my time.” And we’re still waitin’to set up ze gear in ze bunker for ze Buzzcocks, to rock ‘n’ roll. So er yer playin t’night at the Henry Fonda Theater, are you enjoyin’ being’ on the road?

Diggle: Yeh yeh, it’s ok after being about (?) I’d rather be later on the stage, it’s all the hangin’ around.

Steve: Yeah.

Barber: Ah but stuff like this is good as well.

Diggle: Yeah.

Barber: But anyfink to do with not bein’ in an ‘ôtel or a tour bus is alright or bein’ in a fast food joint.

Steve: Is that where you been ‘er?

Barber: No you know what it’s like, ‘angin’ around, that crap.

Steve: (Sympatheticaly) No I know. I wish I could fink of a new way of tourin’, I’d make a lotta money.

Barber: TARDIS.




Steve: I’d copyright it.

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: But you know old Branson is comin’ up with that fing isn’t he where he’s…er…you can go up into the atmosphere or somethin’ on the spaceship or somethin’. http://www.virgingalactic.com/en/

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: I said to ‘im – he came on the box – I said, “Why don’t you just er instead of just goin’ up outer space , why don’t you just ‘ave it go somewhere like Australia with like ten minutes or something,” you know what I mean?

Diggle: Be more useful cos there’s nobody there up there is there…

Steve: What are you gonna do, you go up there…

Diggle: …no gigs.

Steve: Pointless.

Diggle: There’s not even a hard rock cafè up there, is there?

Steve: (Laughs).

Barber: Yet.

Diggle: Or a Starbucks.

All laugh.

Diggle: But yeah yer right he should make somethin’ useful…be good tourin’.. We’re goin’ to Australia after this tour ya know, so if ya could go in one of them ye’d be there in ten minutes, wouldn’t yer?

Steve: Exactly!

Diggle: Be like catchin’ the number 9 bus or the 29 from…

Steve: I think it’s a bit of a production to actually get off the er ground an’ all that, I think you ‘ave to wear a space outfit an’ all that. I wouldn’t mind wearin a space outfit myself. The gear, ya know?

Diggle: Yeah be like er…

Steve: “Thunderbirds are go.” (



Diggle: Like that bloke from Buggles, didn’t he used to wear one of them or summat?



Shelley: That used to be our childhood dreams wasn’t it?

Steve: Do you remember that?

Shelley: The generation where you would dream of bein’ an astronaut.

Diggle: Even in ’76 when I first met ‘im he said he’s waitin’ for a future so he can wear a spacesuit and eat protein pills an’ that, you know.

All laugh.

Steve: Well you…there weren’t…

Diggle: Don’t have to go to MacDonalds or anythin’ you know.

Steve: Well there actually was space food in England in the 70’s. “Smash,” it was called.

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: “Yeoman’s.” (Packet mashed potato like Smash and like Smash still available).

Steve D: Yeoman’s, yeah.

Steve: That’s space food. I bet it was really good for you too.

Diggle: “They peel them with their metal knives…” (Famous line from old British telly advertising campaign for Cadbury’s Smash – see link above).

All laugh.

Steve: All that.

Diggle: Remember that was…

Steve: Powder weren’t it?

Diggle: Yeah.

Diggle: They used to ‘ave powdered milk as well in the ‘60’s and that you know.

Barber: And powdered orange juice an’ all.

Diggle: Powdered orange juice.

Steve: An’ powder for yer nose as well.

Diggle: Laughs

Steve: It’s a wonder everyone ain’t anging (‘em out?) dead…who had Yeoman’s.

All laugh.

Diggle: Used to shut yer up.

Steve: Cancer of the entire body.

Buzzcock. (incoherent).

Diggle: When I used to do a load of drugs I used to have a bit of that at the end of the bed or a Pot Noodle you know. (Noodles in a plastic pot add boiling water, stir…etc).



Steve: Yeah.

Diggle: Used to crawl to the end of the bed and just pour the kettle of hot water on it, saved getting’ outta bed you know. That’s what heroin does to you folks, you can’t get out of bed in the end.

Steve: Stay away.

Diggle: Eat Cadbury’s Smash.

Steve: Yes, did you ever get into that?

Diggle: Oh yeah.

Steve: You was addicted?

Diggle: Not addicted but every other day, yeah.

Steve: I did it for ten years, I was a mess.

Diggle: Yeah I mean I never did it every day, just ‘ere and there, you know. Like as a “treat,” you know?

Steve: “Treat?” (Laughs)

Diggle: An’crack an’ all, that’s good for yer.

Steve: “Crahck” (imitating “scally” or scallywag Manchester/Liverpool accent).

Diggle: “Crahck.”

Diggle: But you gotta enjoy all those things you know, not get like a slave to them you know.

Steve: Well that’s…yeah but some people are different, some people can take it or leave it.

Diggle: Well I always felt really ill after taking it, need a day off you know?

Barber: Some people ‘ave to keep lookin’ for more.

Steve: Yeah I’m one of them, I can’t just do one, I have to keep goin’ like an idiot, you know. Wish I could but then I think you enjoy it a different way as well…

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: …if you take it or leave it you know.

Diggle: Well I ‘ad to cos you ‘ad gigs to do ‘ere and there. you know what I mean? ‘Specially these kinda tours but I mean.

Sounds of guitars being tuned and plucked.

Steve: An’ we aint gettin’ no younger.

Diggle: We ain’t gettin’ no younger, now that’s another thing man you know. An’ nature’s Police sorta work on yer and yer think, “oooh I can’t ‘andle that now, what I used to do” and all that stoof.”

Steve: Yeah, yeah.

Diggle: But er, many good times I think, up until I left London just a couple of weeks ago. (Deadpan).

Steve: You played er, “The ‘ouse of everythin’ but Blues last night. (House of Blues LA. venue)

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: In Anaheim. Good turn out?

Diggle: Fantastic!

Steve: You ‘ad a good time Pete?

Shelley: Yeah, it was good, there was lots of faces I remembered from last time we were here so…

Shelley: It’s always nice cos I mean like you…in a way you sort of…each audience comes along and knew their faces but when you come back to places that you’ve played before and you see familiar people.

Steve: Was there a lot of young ‘uns there?

Shelley: Yes.

Diggle: Yeah there’s a load of young kids comin’ to shows now even more than ever. It’s like their discoverin’ through their folks or through bands like “Greenday” or somethin’ They go…they backtrack a bit and then come and see us.

Steve: I think the whole punk thing took a turn about a year ago, it became all kind of important as a form of music and so people started looking back where it came from.

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: So that’s why you’re probably getting a different…

Shelley: And there was no way of predicting that 30 years ago was there?

Steve: No…

Diggle: (Incoherent).

Steve: I was just talkin’ about that the one where we came up…was it you, us and Slaughter and the Dogs?

Shelley: Yeah.

Steve: And you had Howard Devoto singin’ for you at the time, right?

Shelley: Yeah that was er.

Steve: It wasn’t, it was the other free trade ‘all (Manchester Free Trade Hall) alright.

Shelley: The lesser Free...

Diggle: ..Trade ‘all, oh yeah.

Steve: Yeah. I was just thinkin’ about that, what a blindin’ gig that was.

Shelley: 30 years ago of the 20th of July it was.

Steve: Was it?

Shelley: So it’s only 5 days since it was.

Steve: 30 years ago.

Diggle: Legendary gig! They’re always on about that one you know.

Steve: Everyone was there!

Diggle: Everyone was there, all ten of ‘em weren’t they? (laughs). That shows where we’ve got the biggest liars in Manchester than anywhere innit really, they always say: “Oh yeah…” Half the population of Manchester could have been there (door bangs - incoherent phrase).

Steve: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Steve: Have we got to visit the Duke Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: We’re here with Buzzcocks, we’re in the Bunker, we’ll be back soon. Hopefully to play some music, fanx for listening.

Short visit to what Steve refer's to as the "Duke of Kent"=rent, the advertising.

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guests the Buzzcocks and we’re in a studio somewhere. I can’t tell you the location, it’s top secret, we don’t want anyone comin’ down here and annoying us and lookin’ for autographs and dirty skidmarken undergarments.

General laughter.

Steve: Be quiet sh sh, they’re listenin’

Diggle: (Very low voice incoherent almost but sounds like) Their watchin’ somebody out there…somewhere.

More laughter

Diggle: They’re after us. Tellin’ ya.

Steve: So I don’t know what this is going to be like rock ‘n’ rolling in here but. I’m actually…it’s actually excitin’. I think it could be a laugh. What do you reckon? Do you think it’s gonna go wrong?

Barber: Inevitably.

General laughter.

Shelley: Potential to.

Diggle: Tin bath (Cockney rhyming slang, "tin bath"= laugh) innit?

Steve: Your bus is stuck outside you know.

Barber: (Laughing) I know.

Diggle: The wheels (are) off the ground.

More laughter.

Diggle: The wheels in there are back near the entrance.

Steve: I think your driver is on No doze…

Yet more laughter.

Steve: …That’s the problem.

Diggle: He’s on something, we call him “the Rock” don’t we?

Barber: Yeah.

Steve: So where you goin’ next? San Francisco?

Shelley: Yes San Francisco, tomorrow I think.

Barber: Yeah it is and then it’s Portland. Seattle

Shelley: (Joining in with Barber.) Portland, Seattle,

Barber: 2 in Canada.

Steve: Vancouver?

Shelley: Yeah.

Barber: Yeah and then we’ll end up in Victoria on the last one. For the 31st.

Steve: And then what, back to earth?

Barber: Well yeah goin’ back to England to do er..

Diggle: (Exhortation like egging on a striker to score a goal) Yeah, come on!

Barber: Couple of festivals in August.

Steve: What ones you doin then?

Barber: One…

Steve: Phoenix?

Shelley: No they don’t do that one anymore.

Steve: That’s finished?

Barber: Yip…we’re doin’ a big one in London in Clapham on the 27th, with er Babyshambles and Graham Coxon again, that’s a massive one cos there’s no, there’s no Glastonbury and that this year. So there’s a load of other ones. It’s called somethin’ like “In the Park,” innit? Summink?

Diggle: Er “Get loaded…

Barber: (Finishing)… in the Park,” that’s it. (Get loaded in the park)

Steve: What’s that er documentary that Julien Temple’s doin? It’s a like years an’ years of er…is it Glastonbury?

Shelley: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Barber: Oh yeah it might be yeah, Thirty years of Glastonbury.

See Julien Temple transcript on kick down the doors). Thirty five years of Glastonbury was it?




GLASTONBURY PYRAMID STAGE 1971.


Shelley: Twenty five or something

Steve: Why’d that stop then?

Barber: No he’s just ‘avin’ a year off or somethin’ in he? Countin’ ‘is money. (Reference to the local dairy farmer Michael Eavis who is the landowner of”Worthy Farm” near Pilton, the site of the Glastonbury Music and Performing Arts Festival in Somerset, SW. England).

Diggle: Yeah.

Steve: Let the grass grow.

Barber: No just to count the money I think. He’s made the last twenty five of ‘em? (A Possible ref to continuation of the festy - though there have been other years where there has not been a Glastonbury Festival).

Diggle: So he gets hard work every year, don’t he?

Barber: Yeah.

Steve: I watched er…

Barber: He probably forgot what a cow looks like.

Diggle: Oh moo (Laughter).

Steve: Cash cow.

Shelley: There you go. (A gesture probably accompanies this)

Steve: I watched er the makin’ of Live Aid the other day, have you ever seen that?

Shelley: No.

Steve: It’s like a 3 hour documentary, it was on the BBC. About how that all started and the first show and all that at Wembley…you never saw that? No.

Diggle: Saw the show, but not the makin’ of it. What did they do?

Steve: It’s really good if you get a chance get to see it, it’s like a 3 hour thing and it’s really good behind the scenes all the back stabbin’ and all the other stuff that gos on with it. It’s really interestin’. Entertainin’ stuff.

Shelley: Mmm.

Diggle: They only ask their mates though, don’t they, they don’t like (ask) us or the Pistols or us or anythin’ they… What’s wrong with them I think they think we’re dangerous. They only ask like Sting and all those nice kind of bands and…

Steve: They actually asked us for the last one…

Diggle: Did they?

Steve: Or they said in the paper that we we’re going to do it but we…

Barber: That’s right

Steve: …we’ve never been approached.

Barber: They were, right.

Diggle: Oh right.

Steve: So I dunno, so is it startin’ to dwindle down a bit then?

Diggle: Ermm.

Steve: Still goin’ strong?

Diggle: Erm, they’ve just done that new one ain’t they, last year whenever ("Make Poverty History" a big gig in London. It culminated with a march in Edinburgh and at Murrayfield on the Saturday whilst the G8 were meeting at Gleneagles. ).

Steve: Are they actually makin’ any difference, is any one…gettin’ fed?

Sound of cymbal in background.

Diggle: I don’t know…I mean…yeah I think it makes a bit of difference don’t know. Bonio (Bono, Bonio is a kind of dog biscuit) is always on about it isn’t he, you know.

Steve: Yeah.

Diggle: They should go out there and work you know. Dig the soil and get some water going and that.

Steve: Exactly or move somewhere where they got some grub.

Diggle: Yeah you know, go and help and (incoherent) instead of keep telling people off about it you know.

Steve: Yeah.

Diggle: It’s like going like, “Do you know there’s people starving in Africa?” It’s like, “Yeah we’ve always known that, you know.”

Shelley: Yeah me mum told me.

Laughter.

Steve: They should open up a Petticoat lane over there.

Diggle: That’s what I mean, get it goin’ a bit you know. Few drugs on board a couple of deejays over there, that’ll get it goin’

Steve: Exactamundo. Let’s play some music. We’re here with the Buzzcocks, you’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox we’re in the studio somewhere.

Plays a few songs.

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guests the Buzzcocks, we’re in a secret location no one can know about cos it’s top secret and I think the Buzzcocks are ready to do some rock ‘n’ rollin’. How about it lads?

Diggle: Yeah, come on then 1-2-3-4.

They start with “What do I get?”

Steve plays a few more songs.

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guests the Buzzcocks, that was Marc Bolan and T. Rex and that song was called “Hot Love”. Before that was ELO. doin’ “Don’t bring me down,” I think that was it weren’t it?

Diggle: Yeah, the Buzzcocks before that yeah.

Steve: You guys, the Buzzcocks playin’ live as we speak, what was the song, the two songs that you did? Like goin’ backwards.

Diggle: “Sell you everything” and

Barber: Oh no, "Flatpack philosophy" was the last one we did.

Steve: What was it called?

Barber: "Flatpack philosophy." That’s the title track of the album.

Steve: That's the title track, yeah.

Barber: And then “Sell you everything” which was the first one of the two. That’s the new single.

Steve: How’s it goin’?

Diggle: It’s had a lot of good reviews you know. There’s a lot of warmth to it, it’s selling steadily. Just pickin’ up over here, cos we’re out here tourin’ with it you know.

Steve: Yeah.

Diggle: Doin’ good like I say it’s a pretty good album, you know. The reviewers, critics whatever, they are they seem to like it.

Steve: What people in England liked it?

Diggle: Yeah. Amazing yeah.

Steve: That’s weird innit.

Diggle: They’re all tryin’ to dive us on now, tryin’ to think, “Oh the Buzzcocks, they’re hip,” cos they been around 30 years. But you know about 4 years ago when they didn’t want to know, you know. Oh they’re a bit low, but the profile has been raised a bit recently you know. So you gotta keep your eyes open see who’s…you know what I mean?

Steve: Yer trendy again!

Diggle: Yeah, for another ten minutes.

Barber: For another ten minutes.

Diggle: (Laughs).

Steve: Make the most if it.

Diggle: (Laughs again).

Steve: Is it sold out tonight at the Henry Fonda? Does anyone know?

Barber: Think so.

Shelley: I don’t know (incoherent)…this morning. I suppose it will be getting’ on towards that.

Steve: Well you guys go on about 9 I think 9.30, who knows? Henry Fonda. Tonight, the Buzzcocks will be performin’ and then tomorrow San Francisco at er…some gaff, what’s it called? The Mezz…

Diggle: The Mezzanine.

Steve: Is that in the Vestibule? Is that near the er…

Diggle: If we knew where you are, I know what he’s gonna, near where you go, eh?

Steve: Alright! We’re gonna visit the Duke, we’ll come back and I’m gonna play a song with you guys. Then we’re gonna knock it on the ‘ead. It’s been fun so far, so lets go and visit the Duke of Kent. Thanks fer listenin’

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guests the Buzzcocks and they are playin’ tonight at the Henry Fonda Theater. We’re gonna leave you now with a song that me and the Buzzcocks are gonna play together. (Brightly) One of my favourite songs of the Buzzcocks, it’s called er…what is it called lads?

Shelley: “Fiction Romance.”

Steve: That’s what I said, “Fiction Romance.” Thank you so much for comin’ by the Bunker and er, we’ll see each other tonight. Anytime you’re ready!

They all break into “Fiction Romance.” An absolutely cracking version!

End of the show, interview and transcript.

Transcribed by Chriswasanon. Any errors or mistakes in transcribing Steve Diggle will be disowned innit forthwith old son. Or ascribing words to them what did not say them, likewise swiftly dismissed! The beginning of the interview was extremely muffled and thus not worth transcribing. Please note that Stuart's blog http://www.jonesysjukebox.blogspot.com has the set list of all Buzzcock's songs played live that day. This was a tricky one to get down as parts of the interview just did not make sense, I have done me best like.

Floratina will be back soon with more audacious jewels of Jonesy, sapphires of Shovel!

Thanks to Floratina, the Buzzcocks, the Buzzcocks on myspace, Mark Shovel and of course Mr. Stephen Jones.

Thanks for reading!

CwA.

August 2nd stuff - Interview with Joe Cole, too

Steve: I was in the Sun Newspaper, someone told me. Actually my mom. I spoke to me mum this morning. Actually, she weren’t the one who told me, though. My mate told me that in the Sun newspaper…you know that Tony Blair was at the Chelsea party? Did I tell you that?

Mr. Shovel: No. That’s a kind of a big detail you missed.

Steve: Oh, yeah. He was there. George Bush’s poodle. George Bush’s chia pet. He was there. Snoop Dog was there and the tennis player, the bird with the nice, round ass…

Mr. Shovel: Did they sneak off to the bathroom together?

Steve: Ahhh zhhheah. They went into the bathroom for a bit a shinizzle. I think he put some shinizzle up Tony Blair’s nostril.

Mr. Shovel: Tony doin’ a little endo?

Steve: Ahh zhheah. Serena Williams, she was there. I was there. I got a mention in the Sun newspaper. Next to Tony Blair’s, the chia pet.

Mr. Shovel: Sippin’ on his gin and juice?

Steve: Ah, got my mind on my money and my money on my mind…

(they do some Snoop impressions)

Steve: He lives at Number Ten Shnizzle Street in London. We’re gonna continue with the covers. Did I tell you I’m having a vacation at the end of this week? I’m going to be gone. Did I tell you that, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: Yep, I’m going to go on a road trip.

Mr. Shovel: Really.

Steve: Yeah. I’m going to take pictures, as well. Maybe I’ll send the pictures in from…

Mr. Shovel: From your Helio?

Steve: Yeah, from my Helio, from different locations.

Mr. Shovel: You gonna drive that Prius?

Steve: I’m gonna drive the Prius and I’m gonna take my Virgin records with me and I’m gonna…

Mr. Shovel: Play your cd’s.

Steve: Play my cd’s and I’m gonna be on my Helio and I’m gonna…what else do I do? There’s something else…that’s it right, for now?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Yeahhhh. That’s what I’m gonna be doin’. Maybe I’ll be stopping at McDonald’s, if they want to endorse me. (makes yumyum sounds)

Mr. Shovel: I’m sure they have Coffee Bean and Tea Leafs all across the country you can stop at…

Steve: I wish they had In-N-Outs, that stops at Vegas, baby.

Mr. Shovel: Well, we happen to have a bet that you’re going to stop at Vegas, too.

Steve: I’m not telling…I ain’t telling no one where I’m going. The Navy Seals might see me. I heard there’s going to be one of them reconnaissance planes following me.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. Eye In The Sky.

Steve: Yeah, just to make sure nothing, no harm comes to me.

Mr. Shovel: The Jonesy Drone.

Steve: Yeah. Cos, you know, down South there, I don’t want to end up like the old “Deliverance”, tied to a tree, going (squeals like a pig) “Eeee! Eeeeee!”. That could happen. It happened to Burt Reynolds and he was a big bloke. Actually, it didn’t happen to Burt, it was the other one, wunnit? The fat one? Oh, I guess that’s me, yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Ned Beatty. Yeah.

Steve: Okay. Should play some music. Um, should I do a song? What should it be about?

Mr. Shovel: Your road trip.

Steve: Oh yeah. Road trip, okay. Uh, should I play it with the harp? Do you fancy a bit of harp?

Mr. Shovel: Sure. I fancy it.

Steve: Let me put me harp on.

Mr. Shovel: It’s a fancy harp.

Steve: I’ll show that G Love geezer how to play harp. He was pretty good. Did you like him yesterday?

Mr. Shovel: Mm hmm.

Steve: Uh oh, I have to take me headphones off first. Oh, my bleedin’ hair’s getting too long. It’s getting caught in the…in the thing. What do they call these things? Harmonica holders?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m sure there’s a proper name for it. Echo, please.

(after a guitar and harmonica intro, he starts to sing)

I am taking a road trip in my Prius
From Toyota of Huntington Beach
And I am taking my Helio
Down to the rodeo in El Paso

I hope there’s a Virgin Megastore
On the way hey hey hey
I might get thirsty around near Atlanta
I hope they have banana

And Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf
I think they have ‘em everywhere
Even in Texass
What else can I whore myself out to
I’m sure there’s a lot of things
If we look into it

I like Beano and I like pints of lager
And I like fish and chips
And I’m fond of pie and mash
Come on, let me have ya!

Everybody, do you want a piece of
Jonesy On The Road
He’s going across America
Selling everything he’s got

He’s even got his old t-shirts
For five hundred dollars
He don’t care
He don’t hang on to a thing
He don’t get attached to anything

Oh, it’s been fun
I can’t complain
I don’t care what I’ve done in the past
Now I’m looking to the future
It’s good but I don’t think it will last

Oh lordy oh lordy
I think I’m gonna become a pastor
In the pastures

I’m gonna sell religion
You can be one of my disciples
From the Jonesy Chapel Of Love
Praise him, oh you must kneel before him
And take that thing they put in people’s mouths
It looks like a biscuit, what do they call that thing?

You must confess to The Pontiff
I want to hear all the gory details
Then I’ll go back into my chambers
and have a wank

Oh praise me
Oh lordy there’s no such thing
As heaven and hell
Don’t buy that stuff
It’s just to control the masses

Just be yourself and you will be all right
Just do the right thing
You know instinctively
What the right thing is to do

If you’re going to throw your money
Down the drain
Throw it this way to Jonesy
He’s insane
C’mon baby, you know what I’m talking about

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Interview with Joe Cole
Steve: On the phone right now, live from UCLA, we have Joe Cole. Joe?

Joe: Hello, Steve. How you doing?

Steve: How are you, mate?

Joe: I’m very good.

Steve: Is Mourinho flogging the bollocks off you?

Joe: He is, he’s got…we’re doing double sessions every day in the L.A. heat and it’s taking it’s toll, but you need to do it this time of year to get your fitness in.

Steve: He’s trying to get you ready for the Premiership?

Joe: He is, yeah and it’s a great place to come and do it because you got, you know…we can move around the streets, we’re not too well known, you know and it’s very relaxing and we had a few trips down to the beach as well in-between training so its, we’re really enjoying it.

Steve: Nice one. I heard that they laid down whole new grass for you lot at UCLA.

Joe: Yeah, they did but it’s taken a battering cos we’re training twice and so it’s pretty much cut up now, like some good old-fashioned England, English pitches.

Steve: All you need now is a bit of rain.

Joe: Yeah.

Steve: Sling some mud at each other.

Joe: Yeah.

Steve: I dunno where I heard it, but I think it was on the Chelsea website that, when you guys come over…did you suffer from jet lag?

Joe: Yeah. Well, I didn’t because I’d come out for holiday in Miami the week before and I met up with the squad straight after. But yeah, the boys have been (?) jet lag. I think some of them still are. I mean it’s, cos you’re going into the training so there’s no time to adjust your body and that. So…when we fly back we’ve actually got to fly straight to Holland more or less, to play a friendly so it’s a very busy time of year for us.

Steve: Right. I heard something about some of the players were wearing special socks or something.

Joe: Yeah, blister socks what the marathon runners wear. There’s all sorts of precautions taken. I mean, people probably think a blister is nothing at all, but it can be…when you’ve got to train and twist and turn and you get a nasty blister it can be quite painful so yeah, we do get pampered a bit with all sorts of special socks and things like that.

Steve: Yeah. No, I thought the socks were for like, for jet lag or something.

Joe: Ohh…the jet lag ones…well, they’re flight socks. They look like big tights. We got them as well like I said, they make sure they look after us properly.

Steve: I want to get a pair of them tights.

Joe: I think you’ll look well in them, mate.

Steve: Yeah with my skinny legs and my beer gut, yeah. You looking forward to the Premiership?

Joe: Yeah, we can’t wait to get it started now. I mean, we’ve had five or six, seven days training and you just want to, you know, you just want to play the games and the big games and the Premiership is where it’s at. I think we’ve got the strongest league in the world at the moment and it’s great for English fans. It’s a great league to watch with some great teams.

Steve: Who’s…oh, I think that’s your cell phone going off…who’s the first game, is it Man City?

Joe: Yeah, Man City at home. We’ve got the charity Shield game in Cardiff against Liverpool the week before which is a big game you want to win because it’s got a trophy…Man City at home is when it kicks off, yeah.

Steve: Yeah and you’re playing Celtic as well right, in a friendly?

Joe: Yeah, we’ve got Celtic in a week’s time, ten days’ time at The Bridge. It’s always going to be a little bit of a – it’s a friendly – but it’ll always be a little bit…a Battle of Britain game and for sure it’ll be you know, high-tempo and lots of tackles flying in, even if it is a friendly.

Steve: Yeah yeah. What do you think of the new kit? Is it comfortable?

Joe: Yeah the new kit’s lovely. Looking forward to…we’ve got three new strips (?) you know, because they changed the sponsor…you know, it looks the part, though. You know, we’re really looking forward to wearing it.

Steve: Yeah yeah. I can’t wait to get a shirt meself. Do you like pie and mash?

Joe: Yeah, I love pie and mash. I was actually talking to a friend of mine about, there’s no pie and mash shops in West London no more. I can’t seem to find any. I have to go all the way back over to East to get some.

Steve: Well there’s one on Goldhawk Road actually, Cookes.

Joe: Yeah?

Steve: By Goldhawk Road Station, yeah.

Joe: All right. I’ll have to go look for that then. I haven’t found it yet.

Steve: I’ve been going there since I was about eight.

Joe: Yeah?

Steve: It’s still there, yeah. They’re a dying breed, but there’s still that one.

Joe: I’ll have a look at that one when I get back. That’ll be blinding.

Steve: You ever see that movie, “Quadrophenia”?

Joe: No, I haven’t seen it.

Steve: It’s about The Who and the Mods and all that. But some of it’s shot in there.

Joe: In the pie and mash shop?

Steve: Yeah. You know Ray Winstone, right?

Joe: Yeah.

Steve: He plays like, one of the guys, a rocker in it and he’s, there’s a scene in the pie and mash shop, actually. So you can have a butcher’s before you go in there.

Joe: (laughs) I’ll have a look.

Steve: All right mate, I know you’re knackered so I’ll let you go. One more question, who’s got the biggest savaloy in the shower?

Joe: (laughing) I wouldn’t like to say…

Steve: Drogba?

Joe: (laughs more)

Steve: I’ll bet it’s Drogba, innit? (they both laugh) All right mate, nice one.

Joe: All right then, Steve.

Steve: Good luck, mate.

Joe: Take care, mate.

Steve: See you later.

Joe: Bye.

Steve: Bye.