Richard Strange 26th May 2006

This is the Alternative juke box jive blog for the Jonesy's Jukebox on www.indie103.1.fm/ TODAY RICHARD STRANGE!!! Stepping up, Perry Farrell.


Now enjoy.

Boredom buses outside Middlesbrough Town hall.

So whats we got for you today then, today? bloody hell it's nearly 3. in the morning here but I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

We got Richard Strange - no not Steve Strange's brother you fool! Kid Strange from the Doctor's of Madness. Richard Strange is in Los Angeles. He is here performing a "cult" William Burroughs penned play called the "Black Rider" now in it's eighth week. There's a classic Faustian angle on this plot - a bit like that old bluesman who sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads. Robert Johnston. I think this one involves bullets though. So if you aren't among the 50% who get pissed off, go see. Check the LA. whats on but please do not be asking your uncle bastard cwa the wheres and the whyfores and don't start jumping up and down at me when it pushes your crumple buttons, cos I live in bleedin' Scotland innit. Ok the Black Rider is at the Ahmanson theatre. Down-town L.A.

Richard cited that "banana" Velvet Underground album as being one of his major influences. The boys somehow got into a debate about the "ginger." gene. Personally I love ginger beer.

Richard gave out two urls.

www.richardstrange.com

and

www.doctorsofmadness.co.uk.

I liked the second one best - there is some fantastic archive material there.

He's got a myspace too.

Want that one?

http://www.myspace.com/richardkidstrange

Back to the interveiw. Now rather hilariously Steve took for himself the offering of a DVD of Doctor's of Madness stuff that Richard had brought into the sketch, the studio, the pad and was going to ding in as a prize for us. Oh yes and Richard did SING his tender love song to Cherie Blair. :-) I haven't transcribed THAT one - the lyrics are available elsewhere. Go seek and ye shall find.

You know what I've transcribed don't you? Yes it's that classic from Middlesbrough Town hall which according to www.sex-pistols.net took place on May 21st 1976. 30 years and 5 days ago to be precise - well some people have lonnnnnnnnnnng memories.

Chriswasanon IS at the controls.

Steve: How long was you guys together for Doctors of Madness?

Richard: Three years.

Steve: Three years.

Richard: 75-78 yeah.

Steve: Do you think you influenced any bands?

Richard: Of course we did.

Steve: Do you get people coming up saying, “you influenced me.”

Richard: There was a band in 1976, their agent phoned us up and said:

“Look we’ve got this band, they want to do an out of town gig,”

(You’re) one of the only bands who would put them on the bill with them. We were doing a gig in Middlesbrough (N.E. England) as I recall…

Steve: Nice.

Richard: And we said yeah ok. we’d heard of this band. They had a bit of a snotty reputation but we thought we’d give it a go. Called the “Sex Pistols,” don’t know if you ever heard of them?

Steve: (Brightly) Oh yes!

Richard: (Laughs).

Steve: Oh great!

Richard: So they were supporting us in Middlesbrough and we turned up to do our sound check and these four spotty kids were sitting in the auditorium waiting to get on and we did what rock bands always do when they headline, they dick around and keep the support band waiting there.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: And you know, these kids were sort of burping and farting and just being generally obnoxious and then they realised they needed to borrow some gear…um…

Steve: Monitors weren’t it?

Richard: Um monitors or something and we were being obnoxious as well...said:

“No you can’t use ‘em, can’t use them.”

So anyway they went on and of course they were rather fabulous in performance. Kids went wild and I was listening from the side of the stage and I was so jealous of you guys cos I thought, this is gonna end my career, this is something. This is something that is juuust it’s almost like what we do but it’s just pushed it on a little bit further and we’d been around for sort of two years then soooo.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: You know if you’re not brand new. Pop loves novelty. Pop loves it to be now and shiny and bright and brand new you know. If you’ve been around two years and pop, punk rock hadn’t even been given a name but you were sort of punk rock because, I had blue hair, I was Kid Strange we sang fast songs about you know livin’ in the city and stuff. But we weren’t “punk rock,” you guys came on and er…I was impressed and I was impressed by the way you worked the audience by seeming to be bored. But so I was depressed when we came off stage, we’d done quite a good gig but I noticed that twelve quid was missing.

Steve: Your jeans were lighter.

Richard: My jeans were lighter (mock indignant) by approximately twelve pounds sterling!

Steve: (Laughing)

Richard: Which in today’s money is about twenty five dollars. Er so that really put the kibosh (1). on what had been a really miserable evening. Funnily enough…

Steve: Didn’t I run into you and…

Richard: No, you still owe it to me but um…

Steve: I thought I made amends to you, I came into that smoke shop and made amends to you.

Richard: Oh you did come into a smoke shop that’s right, yeah. But thats twenty years later.

Steve: I’ll gladly give you another twenty five bucks again. I thought I’d…

Richard: It’s sort of well twenty five bucks is about a hundred and fifty now.

Steve: We’ve got visit the Duke we’ll be right back with this story, fanx for listenin’

Advertising break…

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesey’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1. (Sounds of guitars being tuned). We’re tunin’ up our axes. So where was we in that story?

Richard: We were in Middlesbrough town hall.

Steve: Middlesbrough town ‘all.

Richard: (Heavily) And you were about to repay an old debt! (Conversational again) And the funny thing was, I was doing a tv. Show in Germany about twenty years later and I had a driver who used to drive me from the airport to the television station every week and we were getting the summer off and I said to him:

“What do you do through the summer while we are not doing the show?”

He said:

(Cod German accent) "... I will be driving zer Sex Pistols in Chermany for the..." I think - did he call it a bank-snatch? No, er...reunion tour, sorry.

Steve: Yes.

Richard: Reunion tour and um..

Steve: Oh you’re good, you’re good!

Richard: (Laughing) I said to him oh um:

“Just let me write a little letter for Mr. Rotten.”

Steve: (Cod German accent) Let me sign ze papers.

Richard: Yeah. So I wrote a letter. Er oh dear, scribbled a note, I said:

“Dear Johnny I was recently wearing a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn for twenty four years – last worn in Middlesbrough and twelve pounds seems to be missing from the pocket. Do you by any chance know anything about it?”

Steve: He probably didn’t know.

Richard: So I give this to Ossie my driver and I said:

“Give this to Johnny or to one of the boys.”

Richard: And then at the end of the summer I came back and there he was waiting for me at the airport and I said:

“How was your summer?” and he said:

(German accent) Oh ja, very good.

I said ah I said:

“Did you see Johnny?”

He said:

“Ja he gave me this letter for you.”

I opened the letter and there was er crisp fifty dollar bill in there with a hand scrawled note by Mr. Lydon saying:

(Cockney accent) “Oh yeah I do remember something about that, I don’t think it was me who nicked the money but I hope this will cover it.”

Steve: Really?

Richard: Yeah.

Steve: Foolish man.

Richard: I told Malcolm McLaren about that later, he said , Malcolm said:

“I’m sure it was Jonesy who nicked the money that day. “

Steve: (Shouting ) “No it weren’t me Guv’nor!”

(Continuing) Not only did that ‘appen, I got ‘old of this American bird while you guys were on actually. She was a student. She was like slightly over-weight and I remember getting’ old of her like back stage. It was fantastic I was speedin’ it was like one of them things that was all magical.

General laughter from all present.

Richard: You make it sound so romantic, these rather tawdry stories of sexual intercourse Steve.

Steve: I am a sinner.

Richard: Oh you are a sinner.

Steve: I will go to hell.

Richard: We’re all sinners and oh yeah. All these stories by the way are in this rather fabulous book that I’m peddling here.

Steve: Yeah what is the name of book?

Richard: The book is called “Strange.” With the sub-title “Punks and drunks and flicks and kicks.” And it’s a memoir that I wrote when I was old enough to write a memoir. I hit the age of fifty about 3 years ago and thought, “now I’m old enough to write volume 1. of my memoir.”

End of transcription

Notes.

1 Kibosh. Unknown origin. “final straw” Possibly from Yiddish or more interestingly from the Irish, cie báis, “cap of death”.

Chriswasanon production

From May 23

Welcome back to Chriswasanon - special human powered cycle- Anarchist after-life issue. So Steve didn't show up for a day there but now he's back with Mr. Shovel.

I used to share a house in the mid -eighties with the former test pilot of Mike Burrows Windcheetah "speedy" recumbent bicycles. The lovely and hairy and bearded Andy Pegg. Monsieur Le Pegg when he wasn't windowcleaning around the houses with his ladders strapped to the side of his enormous sit-up-and-beg old Grandad bike,




A sit up and beg bike.

would be seen around in our small city riding one of these and sometimes with a racing fairing over it.



Psychedelic attire and a flag projecting from the yellow headrest helps here so that lorry drivers have full visibility. Andy Pegg in pink skin suit modelling recumbent.


Ride quality superb, you are low down in one of these so the ground just whizzes along beneath you. Noise- minimal. Murder on the calf muscles! WindCheetah designer Mike Burrows was of course the man who gave GB. our Gold medal at the Barcelona Olympics with Chris Boardman in 1994.

Prevent eyestrain by using a green font colour. After Pegg Pink and Yellow this is necessary. Well wasn't that a splendid Lemmy and Slim-Jim interview? The great thing is, we give you the chance to DO IT all over again in any colo(u)r you like! So now we got the bicycling maniacs out of the way - admit it, don't you want a speedy now you've seen one - lets ponder for one second, the after-life. Well, I think people have to have something to believe in, religions and cults and all sorts of rituals and superstitions are built around this very fact. So nobody has yet come back and said, so - doesn't mean it isn't impossible. Or that they have returned to incarnate as a cat or something...I keep an open mind...usually if people say that they are other than a human being I believe that they can't be in a legal state of mind. Let's see what Steve thinks...

CwA

Tina IS at the controls!

Steve: (belch) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. God, we actually started at twelve o’clock, Mr. Shovel. I think that’s the first time.

Mr. Shovel: I’m sorry. It was an accident.

Steve: Oh. It’s a gorgeous day out. Obviously you know that unless you’re living in the basement somewhere…in California, that is. It’s gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I was off yesterday, I guess some of you noticed. Some of you probably didn’t…and I was a bit under the weather but more than anything else, I was just burnt out, coming in here every day. I’m different than most normal people who can show up every day. I burn out. I’m not as strong as most of you working-class people. I’m weak in that department and I need to air my head every now and again. But all I know is, it’s gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous out there right now. I love it. The whole place changes when Summer kicks in. So weird, it rained yesterday. What a day to take off, it bleedin’ rains. It was nice yesterday evening, absolutely delightful. It was fantastic.

I can never figure out them guys on bicycles, they think they own the road. You ever notice that, Shovel? These guys have all the gear and all the colored shirts and the tight little pants and their helmets and the shoes…they think they own the road now. Like they own the right-of-way cos they’re on a bicycle or something? Cos they’ve got all the gear on, like they’re professionals or something? I don’t understand that.

Mr. Shovel: I think they do have the right-of-way.

Steve: They’re doing ten miles an hour. They’re in the middle of the bleedin’ road. What, what’s going on? And they get the ump if you want to get past ‘em. They get all like, upset. What’s the “way”(?) about? When I used to have a bicycle, I used to go on the, inside like, the edge of the road. Near the pavement, that’s like, where you drive. All the sudden, you’ve put some fancy poof’s outfit on, all of a sudden you’re allowed to go in the middle of the road whenever you feel like it?

Mr. Shovel: Well, that’s a different story, yeah. That’s no good.

Steve: It’s crazy. They’re lucky they don’t get smashed…rear ended.
Freddy…from Freddie and The Dreamers died the other day, suddenly. I don’t know what…I don’t know what he died of but you’ve heard me play him and of course I’ll put, do a little song for him, one of his hits. It’s too bad. I guess people die – he must have been seventy, maybe… sixty-five, seventy somewhere in that ballpark – not many people live past eighty, do they? Seems like the majority of people kind of croak it…between seventies and eighties. Not many people live to a hundred.

Mr. Shovel: More and more people are.

Steve: Starting to?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I wonder how long I’ll live to? Funny, innit. I love the way everyone’s got predictions and where you go after you die. No one knows but - you understand, NOBODY KNOWS. Some people are convinced that you go, your spirit leaves and goes into another spirit that comes back…how do you know? You don’t know. Why (are) people so sure of what happens when you die? What do you think happens, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know.

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know, just…that’s fine. You don’t know. You might think you know, but at the end of the day, you don’t know. “Oh, but I think that I’ve been in this place before.” “You look familiar. I must have met you in a past life.” “I swear I was a pirate in my old life, cos I like going on the ocean.” You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: When people have past life regressions, they’re never just average people.

Steve: No, they’re like you know, Adolph Hitler or Blackbeard or you know, bleedin’ Queen Elizabeth or Shakespeare. They’re not just some average Joe Blow. It’s always like some…

Mr. Shovel: “I used to clean out the latrines.”

Steve: Yeah. “I’ve been here somewhere before. This toilet looks familiar. I’m sure I’ve cleaned this in my past life.” FOOLS! Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine. (strums guitar)

It’s good to be back. My voice sounds weird, dunnit?

Mr. Shovel: A little bit. You’re still getting over that thing, that sickness you had.

Steve: Yes. No, I copped to it. I…wasn’t completely sick yesterday. I wanted a day off, simple as that. I’m not bleedin’ Ryan Seacrest, I’m not a robot. I burn out. I needed a day off. No denying that. But I was a bit sick Friday and Saturday. Let’s play a song for Freddy. Poor ol’ Freddy. I’m going to look on the internet when we get rockin’ and figure out how he died. Poor sod. This is for Freddy. He’s up there in rock and roll heaven with Sid and all the rest of ‘em. And this song is called, “You Were Made For Me”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
Steve: As I was talking about what happens when you die, I went on to say that, “Oh, there he goes. He’s going to meet Sid up in Heaven.” See, I’m falling for it, too. How do I know there’s a Heaven? I don’t.

Mr. Shovel: And how do you know Sid’s there?

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know. But then, you know, I caught myself out by saying as if I know he’s going to go somewhere where someone else is.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a pretty good image, though. Sid, the way we picture him onstage with Freddy doing his dance.

Steve: Yeah, and all the others, all the other musicians that are brown bread, too. It’s probably a Hall of Fame, up there actually, for dead people I would imagine. I wonder if they’re all sitting around, smoking cigarettes.

Mr. Shovel: I wonder if Sid showed up for it?

Steve: Oh, knowing Sid, he probably didn’t. He was crazy. I wonder if you get welcomed as you come up to the pearly gates…”Hello, Mr. Dreamer. Come right in. I’m sorry you had an early life. Come right in, sit over there, we’ll take your statistics and then we’ll evaluate you where your going to go after this. Just have a seat over there thank you.” And then you, you know, get his age, where he’s from. I think he was from Liverpool, I don’t know. “Okay, you’re going in that room over there. Enjoy yourself for the rest of eternity. You go over there with the other Liverpudlians and tell jokes and steal hubcaps. You’re gonna love it.” You know what I mean? As long as there’s a pie and mash shop wherever I go for eternity…if I knew that for a fact, I’d probably end it now and go there. Just kidding. I have more work to do, in this hell hole before I go.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s only Monday.

Steve: Yes, I have - Tuesday, actually – I have to spray L.A. with my intelligence, my outlook on life. Orange County…Malibu…Ventura Boulevard. You ARE listening to me, aren’t you? Yes, of course you are. Who else would you be listening to at 12:25. Ryan Seacrest, of course not. He’s an idiot, a fool, a jackabite and a robot. You don’t want him, you want me. You want intelligence. I’m so intelligent I don’t know what to do with myself. Don’t you agree Mr. Shovel? (bursts out laughing)

Mr. Shovel: It’s another great Jonesy (bit?) right there. (hard to make out over Steve’s laughter)

Steve: We’re gonna go visit The Duke. I don’t know why I keep bagging on that guy, he’s probably a nice guy, Mr. Seacrust. Crusty sea. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
(After the whistle, “The Age Of Aquarius” where Steve was expertly accompanied by Mr. Shovel on the melodica)

Steve: (New York accent) Yeah that’s right, was the dawning of “The Age Of Aquarius” by the Fifth Dimensions (sic). There’s a lot on dimensions in e-harmony. Compatible.

Mr. Shovel: Forty-three.

Steve: Forty-three dimensions. That’s the biggest load of nonsense under the sun. Do you understand?

Mr. Shovel: Could work.

Steve: It’s impossible. What do you write? What, you write down all your…

Mr. Shovel: Well, have you tried it, cos it’s…whatever you’re doing’s not working.

Steve: I’m not even…I don’t care if it’s not working. I’m happy not working in relationships. Why does everyone have to keep trying to have a relationship? It’s not for everyone. Just accept it. You’re gonna be a loner ‘til you die and then you’re gonna come back as a pirate in a past life. Like, what do you write down there, if you go to bleedin’ E-Harmony?:
“I like to eat a lot and I like to fart, I like to sleep. I don’t want to be disturbed, don’t move any of my stuff around in my house” um, what else? You write all that down…is that what you do, you write down a list of all the things…your kind of peeves and what you like doing?

Mr. Shovel: You write what you don’t like…

Steve: Yeah. And then…the other bird at the other end says, “Oh, I don’t mind a guy who farts, maybe I’ll give him a call.” Is that how it works?

Mr. Shovel: You can try that…

Steve: Something like that.

Mr. Shovel: See how that goes for ya.

Steve: Yeah. “Compatible”. Compatable, my ass.

Mr. Shovel: No, you’re supposed to say, “I like to take long walks on short beaches…”

Steve: Yes, "...and sit by fireplaces with a cup of Horlicks, staring at your face.” Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Fireplaces and sunsets. Roses and wine.

Steve: Moonlit walks. (U.S. accent) “I’ve very outgoing. I like to hike, I love animals.” (Sopranos accent) Get outta here! GET OUTTA HERE!! You ain’t gettin’ nothin’. Compatible my ass. Get outta here.

(and with that, they again launch into “The Age Of Aquarius”.)

~~~ ~~~

Joint Tina the transcriber and chriswasanon the riffer production.

Top 16

Hope that you are all enjoying the excellent Slim Jim Phantom and Lemmy interview that Tina has transcribed for your pleasure - I think there may be a bit more to come, or perhaps, she's keeping some of it back for Kick Down the Doors. Can never tell. Keep checking back.

The myspace top 8 Steve news - actually he's got one of them new fangled top 16 thingys now. Whoooo. "If I ain't in your top 16 you will be eliminated" - mayhap. And whilst his myspace avatar was Winstone, Steve's much treasured dog - it is now Bokassa. Full absorbing story here
" Princeps "




No Steve last night, so no nothing today.

World cup fever continues to grow with a flowering of Crosses of St George dahn sahf mate innit. The Scots will - I have to completely retract my previous statement - almost certainly be supporting any side but Beckham's lot during the coming competition in Germany. Realistic "Remember Bannockburn 1312" mode /on. A shame but there it is.

Still to come!!!

The exposé of the Women's Rural Institute.

CwA

May 19th 06 Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Welcome back to chriswasanon (unknown heavily preamble plagiarized edt)

--->COMPLETE!<--- Well as complete as it can be - the rest is off to www.cookandjones.co.uk and you can look under the transcriptions section when it's up and find it there.

Well what can I say about Lemmy? At school Lemmy noted that even having a guitar - never mind playing the bleedin' thing - was a powerful fanny magnet. A bedder of over 2,000 ladies by his estimation - presumably since electing to bass. A great man of the people from Anglesey, Lemmy, after a number of small bands became a Jimi Hendrix roadie and scored acid for the maestro. He progressed eventually to Galactic Group, Hawkwind with his distinctive bassing style. He then "moved on" (being into the wrong kind of drugs apparently). Billy Whizz I suppose? But instead of sitting around drinking herbal tea, he was mates with slot machines (one arm bandits etc.) and the Hell's Angels. He rode the path of excess and and filled his tank with yet more prodigious amounts of "refreshments".

He formed Mötorhead with Phil "Philthy animal" Taylor and guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke in 1975 after wisely listening to his manager's advice that the initial imaginative name of "Bastard" for the group was eminently unsuitable to receive air-time on Top of the Pops - or anywhere really. The band picked up quite a few of them old punker fans in the good? old days. Mötorhead - umlauted! - cracked it big time with the Ace of Spades album and single in 1980.

Well Mötorhead were always a bit too "out there," for main stream heavy metal rockers. Renegades we might say. They were more than a match for some of the punk bands at the time too and really had more in common with the Damned and the Pistols than with say, Judas Priest. Kris Needs in his amazing biog, "Needs Must" - which reads like a round up of every significant musical movement and shaker from his early days at punk fanzine Zig Zag onwards (just check it out) says about Mötorhead,

"all round top blokes."

The band have always had an honest approach to the rock business and their relationship between themselves and their crowds. There is a lengthy Lemmy discography out there. And I've gone on so much about Lemmy and Mötorhead that I've no time to EVEN summarise the second guest. It's Stray Cat stand-up drummer Slim Jim Phantom! Both sitting down with the Sire for you - so I'll just say sit back and enjoy yourselves and feast your eyes on this trio. The question IS, is it "Tomayto" or "tomahto." Whaddayathink? Glesca or Glasgow? Buckingum or Buckingham?

Tina IS at the controls!

May 19th Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox.

Lemmy: I’m not. (laughs)

Steve: Yes, you are.

Lemmy: All right.

Steve: Lemmy in the studio.

Lemmy: Sorry.

Steve: Hello, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Sorry everyone. Sorry Steve.

Steve: It’s okay. Mistakes happen.

Lemmy: That wasn’t a mistake, I’m just sorry.

Steve: And we have Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello. I was trying to listen to the show, but Lemmy wanted to play the new Motorhead record for me in the car.

Lemmy: So he couldn’t.

Steve: Well, he was excited. When’d you finish it, Lemmy?

Lemmy: About four days back.

Steve: Four days…past.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: Ago.

Lemmy: Ago, a-gone. Yes.

Slim Jim: So, did you say anything really good that we missed in the last twenty minutes?

Steve: Well, I said what an idiot you are.

Slim Jim: Oh, well. I didn’t miss anything, then.

Lemmy: (indecipherable – speaking under Slim Jim)

Steve: No, of course I would never say nothing bad about either of you. You know I had Bananarama in here yesterday, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Oh, yeah?

Steve: And one of ‘em fancied you.

Lemmy: No they didn’t. They were just saying that to be controversial.

Steve: I don’t think so.

Slim Jim: Which one?

Steve: …back in the day. The blonde one fancied you.

Lemmy: Well, I passed them in the BBC canteen on several occasions none of them ever said anything.

Steve: What, for “Top Of The Pops”?

Lemmy: Yeah, stuff like that.

Steve: You probably intimidated them.

Lemmy: Yeah, probably. Well, they intimidate me. There’s three of them, and they’re called Bananasomething you know, which is always very intimidating. I they’re used to Bananarama, what chance have I got? (all laugh)

Steve: Cucumberamarama.

Lemmy: Baby’s Armaramba. (more laughter)

Steve: Nightstickarabarama.

Lemmy: There ya go…cruiser.

Slim Jim: Are they still in town listening to this today, you think?

Steve: I think so. They’re going to Long Beach today. They’re just out here doing a…a...cd signing thing. Promotional tour, I think they call them.

Slim Jim: Chicks always got to do those kind of things…

Steve: Do you ever do stuff like that, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Yeah, we used to do it a lot. We do press, we have a block of press days every now and again in Europe, you know.

Steve: Do you think it makes a difference, all that stuff?

Lemmy: Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends if you get the right people to come out and interview you. You know, if you get like, a bunch of fanzines and they don’t cover a lot of people, you know - they’re equally good but they don’t cover a lot of people and the format doesn’t get around. But if you get in a couple of good nationals or something, that’s great you know. That will do something. Cos people don’t know you’re in town half the time. Cos the promoters don’t spend any money to advertise. They just stick up three posters a half a mile from the venue and that’s it. I remember in London, we played the…Town and Country. And you had one poster outside on a sandwich board outside the doors of the venue and you could already see it on the marquee, right…and then half mile away on a bridge, one poster. And I went right through the West End the night before – not a thing. Nothing. And we get in there and the guy had the nerve, he said, “You guys don’t sell tickets anymore, do ya?” (laughs) You know, brilliant. No radio spots, no posters…

Steve: Well, I did hear a lot of people did walk over that bridge.

Lemmy: Yeah, they did. Yeah. Thing is, they walk in to work and they walk back again at five o’clock before the show. (they laugh)

Steve: Yeah, I know. It ain’t…whatever. But you’re doin’ all right ain’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, I’m doing fine.

Steve: Got a new album out, four days old.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: What’s it called? “Kiss Of Death”.

Lemmy: That’s the working title, yeah, I think it’s probably going to be called that, yeah.

Steve: What label you guys on?

Lemmy: We’re on…over here we’re on Century.

Steve: Oh, yeah.

Lemmy: In Germany, we’re on SPV.

Steve: Well, what are you doing with this pelican?

Lemmy: Well, he hasn’t got anywhere to go see, so I took him on. He followed me around, so I kept him.

Slim Jim: Please. I’m the driver.

Lemmy: Yeah, he drives and he drums.

Steve: So, what is this then?

Slim Jim: Lemmy and I made a…

Lemmy: It’s about five years old, that. You’ve never seen it? For shame…

Slim Jim: …record that we’re just, finally releasing it.

Steve: They didn’t have any posters up for it.

Lemmy: No radio spots…

Slim Jim: Now we’re getting radio spots and our own posters. We’re sticking ‘em up ourselves.

Steve: Is there any bridges around here I can stick something up on?

Lemmy: I seen one, once. Burt Lancaster has one, I believe.

Steve: What, a bridge?

Lemmy: Yeah, but they knocked it down after he did that movie with Kirk Douglas, that was one. Didn’t see that?

Steve: No, what’s it called? “Bridge Over The River Kwai”?

Lemmy: I have no clue.

Slim Jim: “Bridges of Madison County”? (they laugh)

Lemmy: “Brides of Dracula’?

Slim Jim: Anyway, Lemmy and I made this record of all our favorite, favorite rockabilly stuff.

Lemmy: Mostly Buddy Holly, really.

Slim Jim: Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry and Johnny Cash and we’ve finally gotten around to finishing it and we did a DVD at Cat Club last year. We’re finally getting around to editing that, so we’re going to put it all out at once.

Steve: No Billy Fury, I see.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Well see, these people don’t know about Billy Fury because they’re Americans.

Steve: Well, he does, Slim Jim, doesn’t he?

Slim Jim: Sure.

Lemmy: Only peripherally.

Steve: You know what I started off with today…

Slim Jim: “Rock With The Cave Man”?

Steve: No. You were probably listening to your album, but I started off with Shakin Stevens, “This Old House”.

Lemmy: Right.

Slim Jim: Ahh. Good one.

Steve: Remember that? Did you ever used to go see him?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Slim Jim: He didn’t like us.

Lemmy: He was good, he was a good actor.

Steve: He was. I saw him loads of times.

Lemmy: Johnny Kidd and The Pirates. They were excellent. They were the best…that was the best rock singer England ever had, for me.

Steve: Yeah. He was brilliant.

Lemmy: Putting on a show you know…I mean, before strobes, he had this roadie who used to have a broomstick along all the light switches and do this…(all laugh) it was like a strobe light thing. Jesus. I used to carry their guitars in to Llandudno Pier to get in for free, you know? And then hide in the venue until they come on, you know. Mick Green, excellent.

Steve: He was a good guitar player.

Lemmy: They came back in the punk era, too. Right?

Slim Jim: Yeah, they toured with us in ’81, I think.

Lemmy: Yeah, they made a whole, a big comeback for a while.

Steve: Well, I liked that one song they did, “Someone’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight”.

Lemmy: That’s Vince and The Valients…that was Fleetwood Mac.

Steve: Right. That’s what I meant. That was Peter Green though?

Lemmy: Peter Green, yeah.

Slim Jim: Yeah, but Mick Green was The Pirates.

Steve: Oh, MICK Green. All these greens. Do you eat your greens?

Lemmy: Village green, see?

Steve: Yes. Society.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke. We’re here with Lemmy and…The Phantom and we’ll be right back and listen to some world premiere of a Motorhead album.

Lemmy: World premiere of the dirty, nasty Motorhead, you know?

Steve: “Kissing Death” is the working title. Will it stick? Throw it up the pole and see who jumps on the top of it.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.

Steve: Yesss. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Hello, sons of bitches!

Lemmy: Hello, sons of bitches!

Steve: You’re listening to…(pauses to listen to Lemmy who’s playing his guitar) Jonesy’s Jukebox, yes. Lemmy’s got a guitar in his hand, I’m tuning one and Slim Jim’s putting on some Brylcreem. (Lemmy is still playing in the background) Is that “Greensleeves”?

Lemmy: Used to be, before I screwed it up. Henry the Eighth wrote that you know, so they say.

Steve: He did, right?

Lemmy: So they say.

Steve: He was very talented, very talented, though.

Lemmy: (indecipherable)…some geezer working for him didn’t even nick that, you know.

Steve: Like Elvis.

Lemmy: There was no copyright laws in them days.

Steve: Exactly. He was the King. Whatever he said, went.

Lemmy: It’s good to be king, huh. I’m the eighth one.

Steve: Wouldn’t you like to have been Henry the Eighth?

Lemmy: No. Too fat. He had gout.

Slim Jim and Lemmy: (almost same time) He had a gammy leg. Eaaghh.

Steve: He had a gammy leg?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: I know he had gout. What actually is gout, from rich food, right?

Lemmy: Yeah. It’s the hardening of the arteries or something like that, I think. Bad circulation in the leg.

Steve: Red wine gives you gout as well. Port- no, port.

Lemmy: It’s good for your heart, though.

Steve: It is?

Lemmy: So they say. (Steve laughs) They’re probably lying, you know. It’s all lies.

Steve: It’s all lies.

Slim Jim: He got to chop their heads off if they bothered him, though.

Steve: Well, you know…

Slim Jim: No alimony.

Steve: I wish I could do that.

Lemmy: “Sire, he wants to die a rich man.”
“His wish is granted. Give him his bucket of gold and then strangle him.” (all laugh)

Steve: What track do you want to play on there?

Lemmy: Uh, play…track eleven is it, I think?

Steve: Eleven is “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of the Worm”

Steve: There’s no profanity, is there?

Lemmy: No.

Steve: Okay. We’ll get that cued up.

Lemmy: What do you care anyway? You’re about as profane as anybody I know.

Steve: I am profanity. I AM Profanity.

Lemmy: You are profanity, in person.

Steve: That’s a nice-sounding guitar.

Lemmy: (plays a bit of a melody) The great Stones song.

Steve: Hey what is that? Oh, Stones!

(They play and sing some of, “Tell Me” by the Rolling Stones)

Lemmy: Let’s play the other track on the album…

Steve: This is world premiere…

Lemmy: World preem…

Steve: of Henry the Eighth’s new album.

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s by Motorhead.

Steve: Entitled…

Slim Jim: Henry the Eightff.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Steve: “King of The Worm” is the track and the album is called…

Lemmy: “Kiss of Death”.

Steve: “Kiss of Death”, working title. World premiere. Take it away…


~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Can you do an English accent, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: Yeah..

Steve: Go on.

Slim Jim: Certainly

Lemmy: Certainly.

Steve: So, where’d you get your Brylcreem from?

Slim Jim: (English accent) Down at chemist’s. King’s Road.

Steve: Nice.

Lemmy: Yeah. Lovely.

Slim Jim: Right at Bofer (?) Street, where they meet.

Steve: Yeah. That’s not bad. Keep going.

Lemmy: (?)

Steve: Go on, carry on you’ve got a couple more seconds.

Slim Jim: What’d you want?

Steve: What you want?

Lemmy: What ya want?

Steve: (broad U.S. accent) Excuse me, Slim Jim?

Lemmy: Say what?

Slim Jim: Pardon?

Steve: Yeah, you talk to me in English and I’ll talk to you in American. Let’s have a conversation.

Slim Jim: All right.

Lemmy: I’ll speak in the middle of it now and again, in Welsh. How’s that?

Steve: Okay. Slim Jim, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Slim Jim: Fry up.

Lemmy: (? Sounds like “a dell”)

Steve: What is a “fry up”, Slim Jim? Can you explain?

Slim Jim: Egg, ?, sauce, mushy peasios, tommos, bread slicios,

Steve: That is a terrible English accent.

Lemmy: Yeah, that was terrible, that part. You could have run away with it there.

Steve: (continuing with U.S. accent) You disappointed me, Slim Jim.

Slim Jim: I don’t want to be English.

Steve: I’m staying with it.

Slim Jim: Sorry…sorry, pardon?

Steve: Is that the end?

Slim Jim: I don’t know…

Steve: I’d really like to get to know you, Slim Jim. But you’re making it very difficult for me.

Lemmy: I want you to know this most sincerely.

Slim Jim: How come when English guys do American, they always do that Wink Martindale, game show,”You’ve won a Cadillac and a new, second-hand fridge!!”

Lemmy: That’s what you hear on the TV adverts all the time, all day and night, innit?

Steve: Exactly. Cos when you’re in England, they even…they’re used to watch all them…

Lemmy: (U.S. accent) “When you drive a Saturn, you’re really driving.”

Slim Jim: And everyone thinks that the British are like Terry Thomas or…

Steve: Yeah, and there’s one post office.

Lemmy: Terry Thomas was wonderful. Nobody in America ever heard of him…he was excellent.

Steve: Died a poor man.

Lemmy: Yeah, I know.

Steve: But he was brilliant.

Lemmy: But he grew his (?) so it wasn’t all bad.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: It’s the butler from Batman, Terry Thomas or The Beatles, everyone thinks that…

Steve: Or horse and cart, still…and, “Excuse me, do you know Ron? He lives in England somewhere.”

Lemmy: And Jane Seymour.

Steve: “Ron. He lives somewhere in England, you must know him!”

Slim Jim: “Over there in England…”

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s real small over there, right? Everybody knows everybody else.

Steve: Cobblestones and pork pies…

Slim Jim: It’s raining all the time and it’s got a lot of fog.

(some phonetic spellings of intentionally mispronounced words up ahead)

Lemmy: “Glousesstershire”.

Steve: “Is that anywhere near Ly-ishester Square?”

Slim Jim: They drink warm beer and it’s foggy all the time.

Steve: “I believe the river THAYmes is having a flood”

Lemmy: They say “Kilmeister” to me.

Steve: Who?

Lemmy: “Kilmeister”. I mean, why would you do that. It’s obviously “Kilmister”, you know…

Steve: “Westmeinster”.

Lemmy: They have to change something in the word to make it American, like…

Steve: Well, no they…that’s how it’s, if you look at it…they say it how it looks on paper.

Lemmy: No, if it was “MYster” it would be “mei”. It’s just “mi”.

Steve: Like “THAYmes” actually looks like “THAYmes”.

Lemmy: Yeah but, Kilmister don’t. It’s just “mi”…it’s not “mei”. It’s just Kilmister. You know.

Steve: I mean, “CIA”…

Lemmy: I want to just say, to the Southern Californian audience, my name is Kilmister, not “Kilmeister”, thank you. That’s all from today’s Names Bulletin.

Slim Jim: But what the British don’t get is that the minute…

Lemmy: And it’s not “Fraysier”, either. My middle name is Fraser, okay? Jesus. Like Frankie…

Steve: Yeah, Frankie Fraser. He was a nice chap.

Lemmy: No he wasn’t.

Steve: I know, that’s what I’m talking about.

Lemmy: Very, very (?)

Steve: I know.

Lemmy: Stitched people’s legs together.

Steve: I knocked him out, once. He’s nothing.

Lemmy: Right, yeah…

Steve: Lightweight.

Lemmy: What, swung your guitar around and he was in the way…

Steve: I just stared at him and he melted.

Lemmy: Oh, give him a nasty staring, yeah…(laughs)

Steve: What was you gonna say, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: That the British don’t get that if they point out that you’re saying it wrong, any Americans, especially New Yorkers, will just say it wrong on purpose from then on out.

Steve: Oh, rully?

Lemmy: Is that right?

Slim Jim: I remember getting into almost a riot cos I kept saying, “Thank you, Eedenburg”.

Steve: What is “Eedenburg”?

Slim Jim: I think you guys say, “Edinbruh”

Steve: Oh, Edinburgh.

Lemmy: “Edinberg”, yes. “Edinburrow”

Slim Jim: I just kept saying “Eedenburg” at the gig and they were getting very upset.

Lemmy: “Edinburrow”. “Edinburrow”. And “GlasCOW”.

Slim Jim: “GlasCOW”

Lemmy: Like “MosCOW”.

Steve: See, see, cos American people are saying it how they see it. “MosCOW’. It looks like “MosCOW”.

Lemmy: Yeah, it does.

Steve: We say “MosCOH” for whatever…God knows why.

Lemmy: It still looks like Kilmister.

Steve: “Ly-shesster”!

Lemmy: “Ly-sesstershire”

Steve: (loud, in U.S. accent) “Excuse me, young Cockney man, can you point me in the direction of Lyshesster Square, please thank you?

Slim Jim: (cockney accent) All right, darling!

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke, we’ll be right back. We’re here with Lemmy and Slim Jim…Phantommmm.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with my guest Lemmy…

Lemmy: Hello children, hello.

Steve: Hello, boys and girls.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Lemmy: (? sounds like Uncle Wasser) over there.

Steve: And Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Steve: Do you still frequent the Rainbow, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Oh, yes. I have been known to.

Slim Jim: Only when it’s open.

Lemmy: Only when they’re open, yes. Because otherwise it’s so dead…you know.

Steve: I told the Banarama birds that, if you wanna find you, that that’s probably where you’ll be.

Lemmy: See, she was just saying that to be like, one of the lads, you know. (all laugh)

Steve: No, I think they really, back in the day, that blonde one fancied you. You know she mentioned as well, was that other girl you used to knock about with, Ilene of Irene…

Lemmy: Motorcycle Irene.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Tell us about Motorcycle Irene.

Lemmy: Oh, she was great. She ended up with Steve Zodiac out of…

Slim Jim: Zodiac Mindwarp?

Lemmy: No no. Steve Zodiac, the singer out of some heavy metal band. I forget what, I honestly forgot the name, but anyway she was with Philthy for a bit, you know.

Steve: I had, I had little a sample of…

Lemmy: She gave him the name “Philthy”.

Steve: I think she gave me gonorrhea.

Lemmy: Probably.

Slim Jim: Really?

Steve: Yes.

Lemmy: Probably served you right, anyway, you know.

Steve: I probably asked for it.

Lemmy: Yeah, tomcatting about the place.

Slim Jim: Might as well just have slept with Philthy and cut out the middleman.

Lemmy: With your white vest on and the hankie on your head, Jesus Christ.

Steve: You was, you mentioned earlier that you did, you played a lot with them School Girls, right.

Lemmy: Girl’s School.

Steve: Girl’s School.

Lemmy: I played with school girls but not in the same thing, you know.

Steve: Right. Did you ever have it off with any of them while you were working with them?

Lemmy: I must admit yes, two of ‘em.

Steve: Hmmm.

Lemmy: Not at the same time, you know. I mean one has to draw the line somewhere.

Steve: Yes. One has some morals.

Lemmy: (?) two, though. That would be a breach of etiquette.

Slim Jim: They did “Top Of The Pops” with you guys. Girl’s School and Motorhead.

Steve: Breach of a contract.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Petticoat?

Lemmy: You remember etiquette, don’t you Steve?

Steve: Etticoat Lane.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Oh, etiquette.

Lemmy: You know, what you put over a bed to keep the sheets clean.

Steve: I’ll show you etiquette…(pauses to lift bum to microphone, farts) there’s etiquette.

Lemmy: That wasn’t etiquette.

Steve: What was that?

Lemmy: That was a mouse dying.

Steve: That was, you can tell I’m a virgin though, couldn’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, right. It was small, wunnit?

Steve: (German accent) Gudenteiten.

Lemmy: That was just like Frankie (? Sounds like allard) then, you’d better watch out.

Steve: (laughs) Do you know the German word for virgin?

Lemmy: Virgin.

Steve: No. What’s the German word…

Lemmy: Yeah, isn’t it “virgin”, the same?

Steve: No.

(it appears that here that someone has said a naughty word. The conversation jumps to Steve singing a little fanfare)

Slim Jim: I am so happy that I could elicit that response.

Steve: I did that yesterday too. I haven’t done that in two years. It was crazy. Well the German word for virgin is “Gudenteiten”.

Lemmy: Oh…yeah?

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Wooden what?

Steve: Gudenteiten!

Slim Jim: Oh.

Steve: Don’t you get it?

Slim Jim: (laughs). Wheee.

Steve: Never mind.

Lemmy: You know, it wasn’t that great.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This interview can be read in its entirety at Kick Down The Doors, the Paul Cook 'n' Steve Jones Site at www.Sex-Pistols.net. Here is a link: http://www.cookandjones.co.uk/jukebox_transcription_index.htm

From May 17th

Steve: (the first thing we hear is Steve playing a series of notes on his guitar) “Harmonics”, that’s called. (plays more) How Billy Gibbons plays.

Mr. Shovel: Eric Clapton does that a lot.

Steve: (continues to play, sounds like chimes. It reminds him of something) Here’s a better one. "Bring out your dead!" The Black Plague. It was fleas in the rats. Bring out your dead. Jonesy’s Jukebox. I feel dreadful today. I dunno what, if it’s…I dunno if it was that three-hour BBC documentary I watched on pedophiles that made me feel weird today, or it was just, there’s so much smog in the air. I can’t…maybe it’s a combination. But my friend burned me this horrible documentary of pedophiles. It was so disturbing. And then I fell asleep. That was the last thing I watched before I dozed off, you know, and it’s just horrible, that stuff. How rotten some grown-ups can be with kids. If I was the President, I would put them all on an island, you know, like “Papillion”? They had that island. Island for criminals, to let them get on with it, just put them on an island. You don’t even have to kill ‘em. Just let them do what they want to do on a bleedin’ island. Obviously, make sure there’s no kids on the island. Just let them you know, carve little kids out of trees and make ‘em have sex with that or something. That’s what they’d probably end up doing. You know what I mean? And just let them get on with it; but just get them away from society cos they’re…it’s just a…it’s funny. You can kind of…they’ve got a look about them, too.

Mr. Shovel: What do they look like?

Steve: They just a…I dunno. It’s hard to, it’s hard to put a finger on it but there’s a “look”. And their houses are always a mess. Is your house a mess, Mr. Shovel? (laughs)

Mr. Shovel: That’s why I asked (laughs)

Steve: No, no I mean, their gaffs are like, just dumps, you know. And they’ve always got the curtains pulled and it’s a hellish life, you can tell they’re living in hell. But any way, it’s like when you watch them videos of a…”Faces Of Death”. You’re kind of drawn to it, but after you’ve watched it, for me anyway, I don’t know about anyone else…(my) brain is so contaminated and with evil thoughts and image that have just gone into your photobank, in your brain, you know. I guess it’s not much different than…watching Fox 11. They kind of strive for that same, same thing, really. Kind of like (imitating news reporter) “Live. Here at the scene - a shooting!” and it’s that thing, it’s like a double-edged sword that you want to watch it and then when you watch it, you think the whole world is like that. And that’s why people are paranoid when they’re out in the streets and they’re feared-up, locking their doors behind ‘em and it ain’t, there ain’t a lot of that…you know, I mean, there is horrible stuff going on, but the whole world ain’t doing that. There ain’t a shooting on every corner you know, and high-speed chases on every bleedin’ highway. It’s just a funny old world we live in. But you know, I guess it’s that thing of like, if you, if you want to watch it, they’ll provide it for ya. If there’s no one watching it, they’ll go on to something else, the media.

Mr. Shovel: They’re not there for…

Steve: They’re providing what we’re kind of craving, in a way. It’s a double edged-sword.

Mr. Shovel: That’s why they’ll follow a high-speed chase for two hours because you’ll sit there and watch it for two hours cos you want to see if they’ll shoot the guy at the end.

Steve: Exactly. Exactly. (guitar is heard in b.g. throughout rest of dialogue) But I feel all totally like, worn out from it. I went and had breakfast this morning. A couple of people I knew in there said, “Ooh, you look knackered today”. I went, “Yeah, I know”.

Mr. Shovel: You just need a shave.

Steve: I think it’s more than that. Arsenal and Barcelona are playing right now. Champions League Final. Obviously there’s no score or I would get a…someone would tell me by now. I have my men. What would you do with pedophiles if you was the President? There don’t seem like there’s much recovery.

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know. I think, enforcing the existing laws.

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: It’s hard to, it’s hard to catch those people.

Steve: And the sickening thing about all this, these ones that they were tracking for over years, they actually, finally, got them to court and charged them, and they basically got off with hardly any punishment.

Mr. Shovel: Putting people out after they’ve served time…there’s no rehabilitating a pedophile.

Steve: It doesn’t seem like it.

Mr. Shovel: So, maybe it’s politically incorrect, but why wouldn’t you just castrate somebody.

Steve: Yeah, but then the mind is still thinking the same thing, you know what I mean? That would be even worse for one of ‘em because they’re still thinking the thoughts.

Mr. Shovel: Right. It’s tough.

Steve: I think…there’s got to be like, one of them leper islands that is vacant.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, then we can make a TV show out of it.

Steve: Yeah, like…”Pedophile Survivor”.

Mr. Shovel: Um hmm.

Steve: (U.S. accent) That’s a great idea, I’m gonna call Fox 11 right now and tell ‘em!

Mr. Shovel: It’ll be like “Lost”.

Steve: Yeah. “Lost Boys”.

Mr. Shovel: Lost their boys.

Steve: Oh, no. I shouldn’t make…it’s not funny. But it is, in a way, but I don’t know. Maybe they can abuse snakes on this little island. Baby snakes.

Mr. Shovel: Coconuts. You can do a lot with a coconut.

Steve: Yeah, exactly. They must be removed. If I was El Presidente…remove their mancheefrills. And their tentacles.

Mr. Shovel: We could make ‘em be the guys who drive around waiting for bombs to blow up.

Steve: Exactly. Some use. They wouldn’t do it, though. They’re cowards.

Mr. Shovel: A few good men.

Steve: Yeah. There’s a lot of it that goes on though, you know. Apparently, I don’t know if this is true, I was told that one in three kids have had some kind of fondled in their lifetime. Some kind of weird stuff. That means there’s either there’s a small amount who are doing a lot of overtime, pedophiles. Or there’s a lot of pedophiles.

Mr. Shovel: The thing is, people repeat what they’ve had done to them.

Steve: Unfortunately.

Mr. Shovel: This is very heavy. You’re talking about heavy…!

Steve: Yeah. (stops playing guitar) Let’s play a song that I didn’t play yesterday, I didn’t have it (it was the whistle) But this is not…(both start laughing, the title is ironic) I didn’t mean this, but this is Brittany Fox, “Girl’s School”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

May 16thness

Steve: You know the word “ness”, it’s always put on a lot of the end of words?

Mr. Shovel: Happiness.

Steve: Yeah. Darkness…

Mr. Shovel: Loch Ness.

Steve: Your High-ness. Your Highness, Loch Ness. It’s on a lot of words. Where do you think that came from?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know. I’ll bet George Tercoulias (sp?) could call in and tell us?

Steve: (U.S. accent) Ya think so? Ness. Elliot Ness. Did you say that?

Mr. Shovel: No, you did.

Steve: Elliot Ness, um, ness…ness.

Mr. Shovel: Nestle Quik.

Steve: Nestle Quik.

Mr. Shovel: Mike Ness.

Steve: Nestles. Mike Ness. Vanness. That’s a place in the Valley, innit? Vanness? Not Venice, Vanness. Van Ness. (laughs). What was you gonna say? (in some character voice he made up) Come on pleeeease, don’t keep me waiting Mr. Shovel!

Mr. Shovel: It was not worth it, really.

Steve: Oh…um…ness. Where do birds sleep? In a ness.

Mr. Shovel: Not mine.

Steve: Oh…good comeback.

---------

Steve: (belches) Oh, pardon me. I had a late breakfast. That’s why I’m burping. I ate very fast. I always eat fast, though. Do you eat fast, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No, I eat…I’m always the last one to finish.

Steve: Really.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m the first one in, first one out. I don’t even chew it. It’s like going down a chute, when I eat. You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: Like a dog.

Steve: Basically, yeah. You know when a dog’s like, sitting there and you sling him something he just goes (makes that abrupt sound like a dog makes when snapping up some food) CHOMP!. There’s no chewing, it’s just gone. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! (laughs). That’s what I eat like. Maybe not that bad, maybe a couple of chews. (imitates a chew-chew CHOMP!)

Mr. Shovel: Are people throwing it at you?

Steve: No, but I’m eating it like that. I’m picking it up, putting it in my mouth, going CHOMP! CHOMP!. Oh, I love it. Let’s go to the Duke.

From Monday 4/15

Welcome back to Chriswasanon - Final edition! In which we muse on the match tomorrow, the myspace profile news, Peter Sellers, 10 days in 1978 and Steve Jones new song, "Brandy." I will also throw some arse news into the mix. Today is a good day for verily brethren and sisthren, it is a TRANSCRIPTION DAY and if that is not a red letter day, then what is?

I hear that Steve played his new song "Brandy" on the jukebox, yesterday. This can only mean 1 thing. Steve is recording again. Excellent. I heard it not :-( for other partner-like duties took me away from the box and nary the excuse of listening to SuB-MiSSion playing with my "submarine" in the bath either. So excited ones lie down on your couches - loosen all tight fitting clothingments, stop that sniggering Rotter! Breathe in, breathe out.

Your Excellency of Excellence. An Ubhal as airde! Ah Steve. He's the topmost apple on the topmost branch of the topmost tree! Which is like, top banana in Panagyric praise poetry. The best...

THE MYSPACE PROFILE PIC "GOLDEN AVATARS ARE US" NEWS.

But I does like that pic of Sid and Steve on the ole myspace, that I does. If only I could read what it says on the t-shirt, do you think that the picture was taken somewheres on this tour?
























Atlanta/Memphis/San Antonio/Baton Rouge/Dallas/Tulsa/San Faransicoo.

This subject was raised in a well-known British newspaper recently and I wondered if any of you fine folks might know the answer to it.

When Gene Pitney was only

------------> "24 Hours from Tulsa," <---------

...just where exactly was he?

Looks like Steve is going to be out to lunch for a month OR he's having that World Cup piped drekly into the sketch, the pad, the studio. His predictive powers are growing too for I think he is going to be "unwell" come Wednesday. Did I tell you that my bruv is off to Gay Paree to watch Arsenal v Barcelona, and hopefully see the Gunners carry off the one remaining piece of European silver-ware that they have not won yet?

Clouseau: "I believe everything and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone and I suspect no one."


Hmmm...well now there is to me a certain "Shot in the dark" aspect to today's transcription. I will leave that one to you yourselves to work out, how...exactly.

Still to come, the crazy story of the man who RAN the entire route of the Southern Upland Way in five days, barefoot! See previous postings and naw it wasnae me. Still to come sometime.

Ahahahahahahah as Rotter says and others too. My other half thinks that the lovely picture of the arse is mine. See name that bum! Well she's wrong but I AM flattered that my arse department resembles you knoweth who. You DO know who's arse that is, don't you?

Attention CHisPA

Jajajajaja indeed hahahaha but win or lose against Barça I "could" one day soon post a picture of mi culo! or MY arse! I'm not like the lovely Shloemoe who has bottom bottled out of posting his peach. Well I ain't deterred by perishin' privacy.....much ;-)

Chriswasanon.

Tina is at the controls!

May 15, 2006

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Monday, twelve bells, nice and sunny. I think it’s took a turn for the better. So I’m happy. The Premiership league is over, ended. Kind of twiddlin’ me thumbs. Although I did watch a great game. The FA Cup Finals, was a…West Ham and Liverpool on Saturday morning. Got up and watched that. That was a fantastic game. Not if you was a West Ham fan, but…if you were just a fan of football, it was a great game to watch. Liverpool won, in penalties. It went to extra time in penalties. It was a bizarre game. Everyone was like, hobbling around at the end, all having cramp and it was great. It was fantastic. Poor West Ham. But nevertheless, Arsenal is playing Barcelona, Wednesday.

I might be sick Wednesday, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: Are you suddenly an Arsenal fan?

Steve: No. Not at all. But it’s a big game, it’s a, it’s the Final of the Champions League. It’s a big game. It’s Arsenal and Barcelona. I’m actually…I want Barcelona to win to be honest with ya. I know you kind of should support an English team, but it’s not…I don’t hate Arsenal. Well, I don’t…I hate their manager, but I don’t dislike Arsenal, I just, I fancy Barcelona. But then we’ve got the World Cup on June.

Mr. Shovel: See, it never stops.

Steve: Well, it does, cos if World Cup’s every four years…so if it wasn’t this year, there’d be no football ‘til next a…September, ‘til September.

Mr. Shovel: And where’s that, in Germany, right?

Steve: This year it’s in Germany, yeah. I can’t wait for that. I might be sick all month that month, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: Really?

Steve: Yeah, I dunno. We’ll see. Maybe we can set it up in the TV, get a TV in here so I can watch it, you know?

Mr. Shovel: Well, we have a TV.

Steve: Well, maybe…obviously we can get…it’s in a really good position, too.

Mr. Shovel: It’s right behind you…

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: …and we don’t get any of those channels.

Steve: No. ESPN and ESPN 2, I think are the ones who are gonna show…the whole World Cup.

Oh, man, I laid out Sunday. My mate come over and I was, we were playing guitars (laughs) in my pool area, naked. ( Mr. Shovel laughs) I was naked, he was…(both laugh) I was lying out naked and he came over and we started playing guitars…

Mr. Shovel: Sounds like a Peter Sellers movie.

Steve: (laughs) I tell you what, I am so red raw. I didn’t put any block on, like an idiot. I look like I’m wearing a spandex roller suit, a red one. I’m just red raw. You can’t see it but spandex, red shiny jumpsuit, it looks like I’m wearing right now (plays a few notes on guitar). What’s this? (plays “Rebel Rebel”)

Mr. Shovel: Now I got it.

Steve: (sings)

Got your mother in a whirl
Not sure if you’re a boy or a girl
Rebel rebel, your head’s alright
Rebel rebel let’s go out tonight

Steve: I never remember any words…

(sings) Hot tramp, I love you so

Something like that. Um, what else. What else is happening? Anything happening? You moved yet? Soon.

Mr. Shovel: No, but I’ve got big big news.

Steve: Breaking news?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. I got a couch.

Steve: Rully.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, and a mattress.

Steve: RRRULLY?

Mr. Shovel: Yup. Gettin’ it together, Steve.

Steve: You gonna, you gonna move in now, just on the couch or you gonna get the bed, you gonna get a box frame for the mattress?

Mr. Shovel: Gonna get a frame.

Steve: Before you move in there?

Mr. Shovel: No. I just need a mattress, man.

Steve: You know what you should do? Before you move in there – stop smoking.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: So you don’t make it stink.

Mr. Shovel: That’s the plan.

Steve: Well, when you gonna move in there then?

Mr. Shovel: …end of the month.

Steve: (starts to play guitar again) Oh, okay…we’re not gonna go any deeper, Shovel. Don’t worry. Gonna play a little song. It was by Looking Glass. Big hit in 1972, called, “Brandy” and I’m gonna play a version of some other bloke. Tell me who you think this is. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

---------------
Transcript from "A shot in the dark." The 2nd Pink Panther Movie from 1964. Peter Sellers at his finest.

[Arriving at Camp Sunshine]

Clouseau: I am here on official business and I am looking for someone in the recreation area.
Camp Attendant: Not unless you take off your clothes...
Clouseau: You, sir, are under arrest.
Camp Attendant: Arrest? What for?
Clouseau: For making lewd and suggestive remarks to an official of the French government.
Camp Attendant: Lewd and suggestive remarks?
Clouseau: Also for indecent exposure... doesn't anyone wear any clothes around here?
Camp Attendant: No.
Clouseau: What!
Camp Attendant: This is a nudist colony.
-------

chriswasanon says: a Joint Floratina and Chris was anon au naturale production.

She's back!!!

No not Floratina, my other half and steenking like a polecat too. Although I've never smelled a polecat. She found one of the waymerks on the Southern Upland Way. Carries a lovely otter design. Weight of it suggests that it has been made from lead, she's thrilled. I'm glad she's back out of the mist and the rain and tucked up in a nice warm bed.

Hi!

The myspace profile news.

"Zounds" actually that's Steve on the cover of the late lamented Sounds music paper. Didn't Adrian Thrills used to write for that one?

So are you gonna watch Barca v. Arsenal at the Stade de France. UEFA Champions League Final. That's on this Wednesday with an entirely reasonable kick-off time of 11. am I believe Pacific and 7. in the UK. 8 Central Europe time. France Ger, Espana, Italy etc.

Ok that was the blog.

No fresh transcription but and if the wheels of the transcriptorium start turning I'll surely let you know.

Chriswasanon

...and all was right in the byre. Welcome back, Laura!

In a never ending quest to bring cup and ring marks, naughty Daleks, how to make wine from sprouts,

is some more. Yep CHisPA you can make wine from dandelion and like for sure. You can make wine from practically anything in fact. Obviously "anything" will not taste like a good Rioja. More sprout wine with your lobster thermostat m'dear?

Perhaps Tina will add a transcription. This may be an older offering. Well we can but see.

The myspace "avatar" Steve news. The boys aboard the Good ship "Come in number 1. your time is up" upon the Serpentine in Hyde Park. Which is in London, which is in England as any fule kno. The pic first saw published light of day in "Sex Pistols Scrapbook," Ray Stevenson's scarce prototype for "Sex Pistols file."

I can only presume that my other and better half slept well last night in her crawl in tent somewhere out there. I wonder if she will find any more cup and ring marks.



These are from Kilmartin Glen in Argyll at Achnabreck. They really are quite stunning and the shifting light through the day creates interesting effects of depth, to what purpose they were carved, who knoweth. We visited the site on a cycling holiday in November of all times. Not my pic.

DR. Who old news.

Well you can get this on the Sci-fi channel now can't you? Today's episode will feature the return of the No. 2 foe of the Doctor, the Cybermen. Ah but were you aware - indeed do you wish to be made aware of, "Abducted by the Daleks?" Like many another fan of the Dr. probly I had no inkling that the Dr.'s enemies were even remotely interested in naked nubile women -exterminating the human race is more their caper - but I was wrong! This film was limited to 1,000 copies apparently. The plot? 3 birds get abducted by sex-crazed Daleks. Who pursue them in rampant feel up mode /on fashion...and er that's it. Oh I know it's old news. Dalek creator Terry Nation could not protest about this disgraceful film lol about randy Daleks. He was late (as in dead,) so thankfully the BBC jumped up and down with sufficient energy and squashed it flat. Still, here to pursue the matter further purely in the interests of you will understand, ahem, "scientific fictional research" but also of course for our regular feature,

The OLE ARSE NEWS!




is a screen grab.

From a trailer in quick-time .mov format. Apologies for the quality. Now just what groping gratification those Daleks could possibly extract with their rubber suckers is beyond me.

chriswasanon

Special request!!!

Special request - this is a scan from a contact strip print that's why the quality is none.

Negatives are lost - best I could do...some of you may remember this pic from a previous post when (what we in the know ;-) like to call) cwa was a blog in Captain's blog mode. Before that this pic saw net service as my myspace avatar for 30 seconds. Ah you know how it is - you get bored - you change your image, new hairstyle, start wearing half-mast trousers...well you can even be Karl Marx if you wish. I was a £1 coin. Now that has to be a cheap date. Where was I?

I love my jukebox! This one was in a field near Woodbridge, Suffolk. A New Age traveller site - which was when I last heard two years ago - still a park-up. Went down there to see an old friend in a little caravan and if I recall correctly she had a squad of puppies there too. There were of course the usual site dogs roving around the buses, trucks, commer vans and converted ambulances etc. This jukebox was just sitting there as you see it in an unoccupied corner of the site by a Victorian rubbish tip. A search for old bottles had drew us there. It was as if to me the jukebox had just dropped from the heavens. I was very, very, stoned.

Note titfer and wrecked leather jacket. Both long since have gone to the great tat shop in the sky - not eBay you fool.


chriswasajukeboxblogger.

Notes from Thursday 5/11

On yesterday's show, Steve featured a guest who is an old friend of his, Terry Nails. Terry was Steve's "side man", played on "Mercy" and Fire and Gasoline" and toured with Steve. They played and sang a lot. I hope he brings Terry back again, he's an effin' great guitar player, too. All the records that Steve played were released from 1972-1975; he selected songs that were an influence on him in those days as he was first becoming acquainted with Malcolm and that whole scene. He related some pre-Pistols memories brought to mind by the tunes. Very good.

Tina (7:43 AM Pacific)

As fresh as the May grass. Well now I didn't listen to the show yesterday as I was spending some quality time with my other and better half before she went off into the Galloway hills for her annual walk on the long distance footpath, the Southern Upland Way.




NB. Cockburnspath is pronounced "Coburnspath," do not ask me why. She is not intending to walk the whole thing however - possibly 60 miles or so. Weather permitting!

However to get back on topic, I note from Stuart's blog that there is a link to Sex-pistols net where Terry Nails discusses Fire and Gasoline etc.

Perhaps the show brought back many memories for Steve - hence changing his myspace profile pic to SEX gang children. I suppose this could also be constituted as old arse news but there we see the very lovely Chrissie Hynde giving the classic US. finger to the camera. Next to her, did you see Derek Jarman's film, Jubilee?

"My God, it's Amyl Nitrate."

Yep, Sex assistant Jordan strutting her stuff.

Chriswasanon (17.00 GMT).

No transcription, no arse, 1 piece of myspace Steve news (Update: Some arse)

Yay! I got my Jukebox poster today! It's very very nice. So exciting to have some thing that actually says "Jonesy's Jukebox" on it. Rare, that is. If only Sire would make special t-shirts for the MySpacers to buy. Sorry for butting in, but I couldn't help it. Carry on...
Tina

Jolly good Tina - I was wondering when those posters would be popping up. Any ideas of what a potential Sire myspace t-shirt should consist of, anyone? What design? Where was I? An inside -out t-shirt probably....musing....back to this blog.

Rule number 1.

If this blog does not open with "Welcome back to chriswasanon." there is no transcription.

"Welcome back" is not the same, neither is "hello again," or "it gives me great pleasure," or "Herzliche Wilkommen." It has to read

"Welcome back to chriswasanon."

Hi!

Little to make a comment or observation on today. Last night I mean yesterday afternoon lunchtime, Steve was spinning disco.

"Oh no he's playing disco."

Poor Piespace just about imploded with all that disco...
Tina

Get ready...the green light is flashing...go..go..go
and don't forget to pull your ripcorddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

This is not necessarily my opinion. impartial mode /on

0 or nothing transcription-wise. When and if Tina makes one - you will get the call. Incidently adding me to your myspace means that you get unique chriswasanon bulletins.

Ah but if you see that Cheese and Pickle bear witness that was chriswasanon, that was.

0 arsewise.

So no arsenews there then. I keep asking for arsenews but nobody comes up with the goods...

Wait - THIS JUST IN -

Name that bum

and that's enough blog my dear readers. I'm heading sunwards...

Enjoy yourselves, enjoy the box!

A special CwA thank you to Ethylene for the site with lots of birdie (fevvered) cams!

Hold the frontpage there an update on the steve profile pic... Yay!!! Good Sir Knight! The Sire!!!

Chriswasanon

From Tuesday, May 9

Welcome back to chriswasanon a blog of allsorts for all.

I've had one of those sorts of days today. Niiiiiiiiiiice. The cracking weather continues and on the way to visit empty church at Beeswing, carpets of bluebells, wild garlic with white flowers and purple to pink campion and just hoards of yellow dandelions. Looks like I shall be making some dandelion wine, not quite Alox Corton 69 but a cheeky little number and gets you there eventually.



Beeswing Church - offers over £80,000.


The Kirk er church was built in 1868 but it needs a lot of steeplework and neither I nor my prospective outlaw buyers (could be in-laws but I ain't married) have a spare 30 grand or more to fix it up. Planning regulations sound a leetle complicated. This is not a begging blog. But the place wasn't spooky, comes with it's own bats in the belfry and vestments in the vestry. Plus a great stained glass window and a pulpit. Would make an ideal summer residence for a Pontiff possibly although one drawback may be the absence of a confessional as the denomination is Church of Scotland. No need to worry about deconsecration before use as this church don't do that. Ideal 2nd. home so long as it stayed fine. Look this is Alba ok. We don't have months and months of gorgeous sunshine - so when we do it sort of makes the news.

Afterwards the usual fossick round thrift shops er charity shops and then home. Ah so. That is the cricket cola Tina - see yesterday's post.

So the myspace news - yes Steve where did you put that bowflex. Yay!

That is some punk rawk bird of paradise sporting a God Save the Queen tee and I think that no exotic avians were harmed in the making of that. Photoshoppe? You can find the punk parakeet or something on Steve's comments page. It's done up with a dog collar next to Sid in his swastika shreddies! A good LOL moment there. www.myspace.com/sexjones. For all your extraneous Pontifical perquisites.


Ok. Lets get to the fun part. Tina has got a fresher than fresh hawter than 'ot piece of transcription for you to enjoy. Tuesday's show - damn and it's Wednesday today. Lets make like iced tea with a lemon slice. Cooooool.

Chriswasanon.

Tina IS at the controls

Steve: (Steve strums his guitar the whole time, nice background music) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. On a lovely, dark Tuesday. Dark Tuesday. It sounds like a title for a movie, dunnit? (like a voiceover for a movie trailer) “It was Dark Tuesday. When the Gods descended upon Los Angeles…and the virus got out. But there was one man who could save Los Angeles. And that man was Jonesy. Dark Tuesday. In all major cinemas.” Yess. Dark Tuesday…

Mr. Shovel: Sounds like the “Omega Man”.

Steve: Yes, “The Omega Man: Dark Tuesday”. (laughs) What’s “The Omega Man”?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a…Charlton Heston.

Steve: Oh.

Mr. Shovel: Los Angeles. Everybody’s…dead.

Steve: Is that like Quinn Martin?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Close enough, right? One of them blokes. "A Quinn Martin Production". “Omega Man”. Omega, that’s something you have in vitamins, innit? Omega 3 and they put that in the…

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, maybe.

Steve: Don’t they put that in um…what’s that, flax seed oil, innit? And the have it in, they have it in healthy cereal as well. Omega...omega.

Mr. Shovel: I think it’s the last letter in the Greek alphabet. Of course, what do I know?

Steve: It’s not 'zed'?

Mr. Shovel: They didn’t make it up to “zed” over there.

Steve: What is the last…is that the last word in the normal alphabet, zed?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Z? A to Z.

Mr. Shovel: Well, in your alphabet.

Steve: Yes. The Mongolian Mancheefrill alphabet.

Mr. Shovel: We have one called “z”.

Steve: Oh, rully? Yes, we have zed. I am the Man From Zed, and I have come to restore sanity in Los Angeles. On my planet, Zed, there are many forms of life. More than what meets the eye. There is no humans, but there is lifeform…but they don’t have arms and legs. They come in the form of lambs. Lambs are our secret gods on the Planet Zed.

Mr. Shovel: And muttons.

Steve: And muttons are the lower forms. The last on the food chain gang. The lambs are a higher being. “Planet Zed”. "A Quinn Martin Production". Yes.

Are gas prices going up?

Mr. Shovel: Oh, you noticed.

Steve: But since last week, have they gone up?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. It just keeps going up.

Steve: Yeah. I’m going electric soon, I think. I’ve noticed there’s a lot of them little motors…

Mr. Shovel: I’m going French fry oil.

Steve: Yeah – I was just talking about that and a…Darryl Hannah, she does it, doesn’t she? She’s got a, I don’t know if it’s a car or a truck, but she goes to all these…she has a thing, with these restaurants where she goes there and she has their old cooking oil…and she takes it in drums and she runs her motor on it.

Mr. Shovel: That’s got to be a limited supply, though.

Steve: Well, a lot of people eat. A lot of people throw that stuff away. I dunno what she gives ‘em in return. I dunno what she pays for it all.

Mr. Shovel: Well, you go up and you say, “I’ll have two happy meals and five gallons of old French fry oil.

Steve: Used oil, yeah. Apparently the car smells of like tacos and stuff when it, when you’re driving.

Mr. Shovel: Onion rings.

Steve: Yeah, and hamburgers…In ‘n Out oil. I heard a car can actually drive on water. Sugar water.

Mr. Shovel: We’d better start invading places that have sugar.

Steve: Planet Zed…has a sugar refinery. The actual, the craters and the moonbeams are made out of sugar on Planet Zed. I might go up there next week, see what’s happening. I’ve got a mate of mine who's up there. He runs a sheep farm and he’s…light years ahead. He makes sheep underwear. They’re very itchy, though. I can’t wear sheep, can’t wear anything wool. Wool is so itchy on my Niagras, I can’t have ‘em nowhere near ‘em.

Mr. Shovel: Imagine how the sheep feel.

Steve: Oh, God. I can only have the finest of linens around my bollacksesses.

Mr. Shovel: Angora.

Steve: What’s that?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know where it comes from.

Steve: I think that’s omega underwear you’re talking about isn’t it? Omega 3. Fine linens. Well, while we’re talking about ‘electric’, let’s play “The Electric Light Orchestra”.

A joint Floratina and Chriswasanon Taco transmission production.

From Monday, May 8

Welcome back to Chriswasanon.

The myspace Top 8! news.

Deny, Defy, Cheese and Pickle - what does it take?

to make the Pontiff's top 8?

Fun and games!

It would have been nice to stay for just a while longer. Oh you can stay just a little bit longer...

Perhaps the Pontiff would hear this poor unloved sinner's confession.

Congrats... on the TOP 8!

Is this a transcription day...it is...it is...but first the blog and in a packed blog...

I had such a sleepless night last night but what an absolute belter of a day it's been. You know I never tire of the sound of birdsong. Or a hedge hog's grunt. The shrill sparrows staking out their territories and the imitative starlings and the beautiful song of the blackbird. I love all that stuff.

Footie news. Soccer, the beautiful game news.

Not to mention the entire Spurs team what got winter projectile vomiting disease and ended up being robbed for next year's European Champions League by their hated rivals (but not John Lydon's,) Arsenal.

Yesssss, I owe allegiance from my bro and my dad and my grandad "God rest Joe's soul," to the Arsenal. FC. North London. I owe Tottenham Hotspur 0. Also North London. It really pissed my brother off when as a boy I supported Chelsea though. See football fans do not change their teams, they just don't. You are allowed to follow one team and one team only, it's a life time commitment. Sustainability.

So how about this World Cup tale just in, filched from the Herald newspaper diary page hosted by Ken Smith.

An Englishwoman living in Johnstone (which is er in Scotland) struggled to keep a straight face. She was eavesdropping on 2 wee wummin on her bus and they were talking about tv. sets, one of the auld wifies needed to buy one. Her friend said they would be a cheaper deal after June cos of the World Cup. Pressure to buy new tellys etc.

"World Cup, What's that? Is that the English World Cup?" said the future tv. buyer.

"Naw, it's the World's World Cup" said her pal and then added..."But if the English win it, they'll say it's theirs."

"Too right we will," the English woman told Ken Smith.



Now lets get to the main event. The transcription. What is in that Cricket Cola, Durophet? I note from the guardian paper today that if not the Soprano's sorry :-( a whole bunch of LOST can be viewed on http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/L/lost/ but I would prefer look it's only an opinion - to listen to the evensong of birds before chanting in plainsong "Pontifex Maximus Adoremus." Which is Latin for "Steve we love ye man." Actually the literal translation is adore him.

Tina IS at the controls.

Steve: Hello? You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Oh…hello, boys and girls. It’s Monday, it’s that horrible weather but I was told it’s gonna burn off, so hopefully, it will. Monday…ohh…what’s goin’ on? Did you watch Sopranos? You don’t watch Sopranos, do you, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, normally I do, but I was working on my show yesterday, so I couldn’t do it.

Steve: So, how do you normally watch it if you’re always working on your show on Sundays?

Mr. Shovel: On…they you know, repeat it.

Steve: Oh, on Mondays they have it on. Do you, do you have a Tivo thing?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: On Monday nights they rebroadcast it as well. It was pretty good, not as good as uh…I think everyone just is dying to see what happens with the, with the gay guy, the closet gay guy. And, he wasn’t in the picture. I guess there’s two or three more episodes left. It was kinda, a bit dull yesterday, long and drawn out. What’s his name, the young bloke? He…he started shooting dope again. You know, the one that goes to AA?

Mr. Shovel: Michael Imperiloli.

Steve: Yeah, he’s starting ta…messing about. Well, I don’t want to tell ya.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. No, don’t tell me.

Steve: I don’t wanna blow it for you…

Mr. Shovel: Does he OD?

Steve: (Sopranos accent) I ain’t sayin’ nuffing. I don’ wanna blow it for ya over there. Ya know what I mean? I don’ wanna blow it.

What do you think that’s all about when…when people who are gay don’t want anyone to know they’re gay and they’re in the closet and they won’t come out, they take it to their death bed?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know, maybe they don’t want to get tied up to a fence and beaten to death.

Steve: Yeah, but there’s a lot of other people…I don’t think that happens. Especially if you’re from…living in Hollywood anymore. I don’t think that’s a thing that’s…you know, I mean there’s so many gay guys here anyway. It’s not like you’re in some hick town and you’re gonna be the only gay guy if you say you’re gay, you know? But my point is, I wonder what it’s like cos it must be, it must be torture if you’re gay and you’re terrified to let anyone know, cos you’re not being yourself, right? So it must be a really hard thing to battle with, constantly with this front that you’re not gay, but really you are. It must be a hard thing to, to deal with. You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know. I mean, do you go around telling everybody about your sex life?

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Oh…well okay, besides you…

Steve: Yeah, but it ain’t even a point, it ain’t even that. It’s like, you know, if you’re hanging with some guys and guys are always talking about girls and you have to kind of make out you’re talking about girls, too. It’s like this big lie that you constantly have to be on your toes, worried about if someone finds out. It’s…wouldn’t it be easier just to like, say…wouldn’t it be like a relief to just, if you are gay – come out. Cos I couldn’t stand to carry something like that around. I’d have to say, “You know what, this is the deal”. You know what I mean? It must be hard. I feel bad for guys – or women – who fancy their own sex cos they have to hide it, you know.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah…they must have their own reasons. Everybody’s got free will.

Steve: Yeah. But my point is, I’ve seen a lot of people…I know a few people who are like that and they seem tortured. That’s my point. It’s not their choice to say it for some other reasons like, some actors…okay, they do it cos it makes sense. If America or the world realized that they’re gay, they’re not going to get leading parts because no one really wants to see a guy whose gay, you know he’s gay but he’s having a scene with a woman, people don’t buy it. So, there’s a lot of money at stake there. I understand that. But what I’m saying is, if you really want to, when you’re gay and you can’t say it, it must be torture. That’s all I’m saying. Maybe I’m lying. Maybe I’m wrong.

I’m gonna play…I’m really tired today. I didn’t get to bed ‘til like, four thirty, five o’clock. My stupidness. I had a Cricket Cola at around twelve o’clock and it just…I couldn’t believe how wired I was. So I’m really tired and I don’t feel great. I’m all achy from playing football Friday and Sunday and I’m aching…really tired. So I figured, if I’m gonna suffer, I’m gonna make you all suffer and play just instrumentals today. Yeah. I’m gonna show you lot out there. If I’m going down, you’re coming with me. Track one, I think we’re going to play, Mr. Shovel. What was you gonna say?

Mr. Shovel: Rather than drinking a Cricket Cola at midnite…

Steve: Yes?

Mr. Shovel: perhaps you could drink one at noon.

Steve: Rully? Twelve bells.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, like now.

Steve: Yeah. Well it was twelve…similar times…

Joint Flora "Bobby Moore" Tina and Chriswas "safe pair of hands" anon production.

It's another NO TRANSCRIPTION DAY.

Final edition!!!

I added some more to Cheap Trick. Still trying to figure out who was who. Or is it whom?
Tina

Well the book of completely memorable people is called "Who's Who." Does that help, no? Or there is that well known and entirely plausible time traveller Doctor Whom.

What have we got today? Some kids books, some wart cure, some Steve News...

Still to come, a pic of a hedgehog...or a badger...or both...hell both, lets live a little!

Want to know what happiness consists of?

Sustainability,
Freedom.
Participation,
Affection,
Leisure or idleness,
Creativity,
Understanding,
Safety
Self-understanding or identity.
Transcendence, or spirituality.

These are the 8 components according to Manfred Max Neef, a Chilean economist and ecologist No I mean the 9 ingredients. I'll say that again, the 10. basic human needs before a human being can be in a state of well-being and happiness.

Myspace news. That ole poopin' hound, the Indie dog.

What is happening with the Indie dog, has he decided to sniff up some other lamp post, other than myspace?

Do you believe in life after myspace? You know when you switch the computer off - what happens - is any of this real? What do you believe in?

Wart news.

See I've had these warts - ordinary warts on my fingers. I was examining my hands for signs. Well I know of this ancient "old mother chriswasanon" wart cure and it goes something like this.

Ye method (incidentally "ye" is not prounounced ye)

The.

[Misreading of ye, from Middle English þe, spelling of the, the (using the letter thorn).]

Huh?


Long rambling linguistic NEWS! Feel free to skip.

USAGE NOTE In an attempt to seem quaint or old-fashioned, many store signs such as “Ye Olde Coffee Shoppe” use spellings that are no longer current. The word ye in such signs looks identical to the archaic second plural pronoun ye, but it is in fact not the same word. Ye in “Ye Olde Coffee Shoppe” is just an older spelling of the definite article the. The y in this ye was never pronounced (y) but was rather the result of improvisation by early printers. In Old English and early Middle English, the sound (TH) was represented by the letter thorn (þ). When printing presses were first set up in England in the 1470s, the type and the typesetters all came from Continental Europe, where this letter was not in use. The letter y was used instead because in the handwriting of the day the thorn was very similar to y. Thus we see such spellings as ye for the, yt or yat for that, and so on well into the 19th century. However, the modern revival of the archaic spelling of the has not been accompanied by a revival of the knowledge of how it was pronounced, with the result that (yē) is the usual pronunciation today.

http://www.answers.com/topic/ye-1

So that's that sorted then.

Only you could find a font that has "thorn" in it.

That was easy but. That's enough OE. news back to wart news.

Tak ane fistfull of fresh dandelions and squeeze the juice onto your warte and then wait...

Well I'm still waiting. But it has had what I would call an interesting effect upon my blemishes, turning them entirely to brown but as yet there has been no retreat of warty excruescences. I'm ever hopeful - oh yes ever hopeful.

Last night I was sitting there not ruminating on much, having a quite ciggie and re-reading Matlock's entirely reasonable account, I was a teenage Sex Pistol, tales of watching things and Denmark Street, a certain type of loaf of bread and a pound of liver.

Nature news (mammalia)

Thinking just thinking, watching the stars, marvelling at the rapidity of that rain storm coming from nowhere and then listening.

Where was I, listening just listening to the wind when I heard this snorting sound.The imagination wildly conjures up a badger - of all craturs - which shape shifted itself into a monstrous many legged insect. When the contrast and definition had finaly settled down, it was revealed to be just a wind blown pile of docken leaves.

"Not a badger" and certainly not the Badger from Kenneth Grahame's wonderful children's book the Wind in the Willows. This is one of Shepard's illustrations.

The snorting was coming from beyond that. Flush against the drystane dyke - wall. There was a snuffling hedgehog. Possibly a returner from the troop that lived in the garden last year. Ahh sweet. It may head back to the compost heap.

Me: "There's a hedgehog outside!"

Other and better half: Brightly (hello clouds, hello sky mode /on) "Can I see?" Skips off.

Me: "You'll need a torch...."

Myspace Steve news. All is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Steve is Paul? is Steve.

One of these eight Steves is different can you spot which one? Too late, Steve spotted it. It's all change ----------> <----------

No Transcription from Tina - today well not yet.

That's enough Steve Jones for today - more l8r - keep checking back.

Do hedgehogs bite? What do they eat, plant or animal? If they found a bag of Cheetos, might they eat them? I imagine them to be like, slow, grumpy little dogs.

Well they eat slugs mostly which is wot makes yore actual hedgehog the gardener's friend. Made utterly memorable as an adorable wee beastie by such children's authors as Alison Uttley and of course, Beatrix Potter...They'd be hard pushed to find a packet of Cheetos in our garden let me tell you by the way. Wotsits? Corn snacks.

As a tender foolish child, I had an enduring fascination for hedgehogs. Me Mum used to leave out a bowl of milk with that crap white sliced bread in it. She called it sop. They seemed to like that. She also use to say " come and get your tea." and "go away" and let me sleep for a bit" and "ask your father."

Mrs. Tiggy-winkle Beatrix wrote about her pet hedgehog in a picture letter to Winifred Warne: "Mrs. Tiggy-winkle is a great traveller. I don't know how many journeys she hasn't done. She enjoys going by train, she is always very hungry when she is on a journey . . . I think you must ask Mrs. Tiggy-winkle to tea, she will drink milk like anything out of a doll's tea-cup!"

Mrs. Tiggy Winkle seen clutching her Southern Railways season ticket to her paws as she makes her regular 1st. Class journey into Waterloo. Warne was of course F.W. Warne who published Potter's classic books.

That's enough Supernature.

Chriswasanon in the yellow and Tina in the lavender.