From June 1 2006 Hank III Visits The Box (updated 6/5)

Welcome back to Chriswasanon! I have a need for brevity - I'm flying out from Glasgow to Malaga and will be away for a week! Heading out tomorrow night - kip in airport - off Sunday morning 5.40 am. Enough.

Hank III's grandfather Hank Williams was a total legend. "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry," THAT man and THAT legend. Yep. Hank senior exerted the same weight of influence in Country music as Elvis did over Rock 'n' Roll.

Hank III and Steve in the Studio. http://www.indie1031.fm/shows/jonesy.php

You can read more info here also here (Hank III's website).

Now this here Hank is work in progress which means to you basically that Tina will be putting more transcript up as and when it's ready. So until then, you will just have to be patient, won't you. Keep checking back!!! Keep reloading the page.

The Sire is wearing new myspace Pontifical vestments at the moment and possibly new Pontifical pantsments too. Who knows...

To summarise. I won't be here for a week ok. So be good boys and girls. I am leaving you in the more than capable hands of Tina. You can have a party if you wish :-) Cheers!

Enjoy yourselves, Enjoy the box! CwA

Tina IS at the Controls!

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 on a lovely Thursday, it’s about eighty degrees. It’s getting a little bit of smog, though, I’ve noticed today, but still delicious. Yesterday after the show, I went and laid out, put some sun on my arse. I’m getting such an even tan, Mr. Shovel. No tan lines.

Mr. Shovel: Oh. Okay.

Steve: Do I look tan to you?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, very tan.

Steve: It’s coming along, innit?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t want to see your tan line.

Steve: No?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: You don’t want to have a look at my arse?

Mr. Shovel: No.

Steve: You could fry an egg on my arse. But um, today we got Hank the Third coming in hopefully, around, I dunno, 12:15, 12:30. Somewhere in that ballpark. I’m excited about that.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(after the first set of songs, Hank III is here)

Steve: Jonesy’s Jukebox, you’re listening to, with Hank the Third in here. Hello, mate.

Hank III: Helllooo.

Steve: Did I introduce you the right way?

Hank III: Yes, Hank III. Hank the Third, Hank III, we get all kinds of nicknames. Tricephus, all kinds of junk out there man, but that’s what I always say, Hank III.

Steve: And you’ve got your band with you.

Hank III: I got a couple members. Got Mr. Joe Buck in the studio and the front man of Assjack, Gary Lindsey is up and running with us today.

Steve: How did, when did you have the transition…did you start with country?

Hank III: No. I actually started, I was a drummer. I got my first set of drums when I was ten. Black Sabbath, Ted Nugent, Kiss and from there I just really got into harder stuff, or about the beat. So I was in bands until I was about 20, being a drummer and around, I think around 22, I was doing a show, screamin’, playing guitar, opening up for a band called Buzzoven and these police walk up to me and said, “Are you Shelton Hank Williams III?” and I said “Yes” and they said, “Well, here’s some papers.” So I got served papers onstage and it was a chick that waited three years to tell me I had a kid and hit me with $48,000 back pay and the judge said, “Well playing music ain’t no real job”.

So that’s when I went down to music row, (general laughter in the room) got a manager, started taking care of this situation, got on the road to get back into the rock. So I did a couple of years on the road, just doing the straight-up you know, getting used to stop screaming and trying to sing. Cos I was raised in really hard, hard music so, it took a little while, but for the last eight years the Jekyll and Hyde part of the show has been rocking pretty good.

Steve: So you’ve been doing that for like, the last eight years…you start with the traditional stuff, then you go into the speed metal

Hank III: Uh yeah. Pretty much. We have a very wide fan base from eighteen to eighty to metalheads to punk rockers to cowboys to grandmas and granddads and the average-lookin’ people, man. But you know, we’ve been fightin’ hard to get all those people coming together and get along. You’d be surprised. There’s some fights here and there but everybody gets along pretty good, man.

Steve: You had a bit of trouble last night?

Hank III: Good trouble. (laughter in b.g.) It was just a couple big security guards that ain’t ever seen nothin’ like that in their life and when it’s that intimate, and the crowd is right there, it’s just, it’s “on”. So, it was our first time in Riverside and had a…it was pretty deadly, definitely.

Steve: You’re a bad man. (laughter in b.g.)

Hank III: Oh well, y’ know, we are the rebels of Nashville. The black sheep. We’re almost blackballed in that town.

Steve: You guys there, Nashville?

Hank III: My band lives all over the place. Gary’s here in California. Jim’s in Kentucky and I was born and raised in Nashville. But it’s cheap living…hey, you can’t beat it. I like having my space since everything’s on top of us all the time, I need a little land to walk on at the end of the day when I’m home.

Steve: Do you have a ranch?

Hank III: Not a ranch. I call it the Haunted Ranch, but we rent it, but it’s sixty acres, five bedroom house. Thousand bucks a month, ten minutes from downtown and I can play twenty-four hours a day and y’know, have my own concert there and nobody’d know.

Steve: Do you have horses?

Hank III: No. One day, when I retire, I’m gonna take a break from the road. If I make it to fifty, man, that’s when I’m gonna buy a few goats, let ‘em walk around and enjoy cuttin’ grass for the rest of my life.

Steve: They like to eat don’t they, goats?

Hank III: They’ll eat anything and you know, they’re pretty weird to look at. So, gonna get some animals, I’ll sit back and get the rocker out and enjoy.

Steve: I was in Hawaii a couple of years ago, my mate was out there and I was out there visiting him and he had this big house that was rented for him and they had a goat on the land. They would tie him up and give him spaces, when they wanted to empty an area, they’d tie him and he’d just eat that whole area. So I used to go down there. I used to like looking at him and he had these nuts – this big. (laughter in b.g.) And every time I went down there, his thing came out. (more laughter) He was rampant.

Hank III: (laughs) I hear that, I hear that.

Steve: He was funny. He was so funny. What happened to the…lost child?

Hank III: My kid?

Steve: Yeah.

Hank III: Right now he’s…it was a very greedy, hateful way of going about the whole situation.

Steve: Did you know the girl, though?

Hank III: I knew the girl, her dad was a cop. She never even called me to tell me. I mean, it was pretty like, not cool. A stepfather…you know, he has a stepfather goin’ on and um, he’s got the family there, man.

Steve: Do you visit him?

Hank III: I don’t get to because of my reputation and what I do. You know, a judge looks at me and looks at stuff like that. It’s a, it’s a bad setup. But…he’s going to be tracking me down and I’m looking forward to the day to, to sayin’, “What’s up?”.

Steve: How old is he now?

Hank III: He’s about twelve.

Steve: I’m sure he’ll be glad to meet you one day.

Hank III: He’s gettin’ up there, man. He’s gettin’ up there.

Steve: I’m sure you’re more exciting than his stepdad.

Hank III: Oh, yeah. It’s just weird. You know, it’ll come around, man. So I’m thinking of him and taking care of him. You know, I beat this road down to pay that stuff.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(back to interview after playing a couple of records)

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with Hank III.

Hank III: We’re up early-early for us.

Steve: Is that, are you like, late, late bloomers?

Hank III: Well, we’re used to going on at ten to two at night, so we usually get up – I do – from four to five cos it keeps me on my mentality. But we woke up all pretty perky this morning, we were excited to get down, man.

Steve: I’m glad you came down.

Hank III: Yeah, got a good, good day ahead of us.

Steve: You don’t do a lot of interviews?

Hank III: More like underground, do-it-yourself kind of deals, but you know…a few, but getting us to the radio show, the day of the show, uh…it never really happens.

Steve: I’m flattered, then.

Hank III: Aw, heck man, thanks.

Steve: Thanks a lot. That was a band called Chequered Past, doing a song called, “Are You Sure Hank Did It This Way” written by Waylon Jennings. (Note: Steve was a member of Chequered Past)

Hank III: Yeah, the ol' Waltaljian (?) Waylon.

Steve: You must have met…did you meet all them guys when you were younger? Or do you still meet ‘em?

Hank III: Oh, yeah…here and there I do, but I’ve been around old like, David Allen Coe, Willie Nelson, Johnny Paycheck, George Jones, I’ve gotten to have relationships with all them guys. Waylon used to call me when I was in rehab, just being like, “Well, this ain’t what I’d be doin’ to ya. You know, I’d be rehabbin’ ya in a totally different way”. So I got good, good stories like that. He was almost like a father figure. A lot. You know, he was a very intense and awesome guy, man.

Steve: (to his friend, Richard Stark) Who’s the bloke you like, Richard?

Richard: Merle.

Steve: Merle. (to III) Do you like Merle Haggard?

Hank III: Merle Haggard? He scared me to death the first time I met him cos we were all sittin’ a table and a friend of mine like leaned, leaned down to say, “Hey, this is Hank Williams III”, and he kicked up his chair and was like, “I know who he is!” and stood up and shook my hand and then…”Aiiight.” (Richard laughs) Yeah, so I could tell he was, he was wound up and he was kind of in a bad mood. Good to see ya Merle, love ya man. But he had the fire in his eye you know. I could tell he still, he could, he could get ya in some trouble.

Steve: Yeah, yeah. I went and saw him with Richard. Where did we go? Where was that place we went a few years ago? He was in a bad mood that night, wasn’t he?

Richard: Yeah, he was.

Steve: Maybe always in a bad mood…a grumpy old man.

Hank III: He did some jail time, man. So, I don’t know. Maybe something happened in there. (all laugh) I’m just kidding.

Steve: You never know.

Hank III: I hear ya.

Steve: It’s happened to the best of ‘em.

Hank III: No doubt.

Steve: (laughing) "Yaaaaahhhh!" Did you…meet your granddad?

Hank III: Well, my granddad died when my dad was three years old.

Steve: Twenty-nine, right?

Hank III: Yes. He died of a supposed heart attack in the back of a car, going to a gig and most people think Hank Williams was like, forty-something years old. They don’t realize he was twenty-nine and got all that done in that short a time. So…the weird thing is, my dad fell off of a mountain when I was three years old and he almost died. He had his whole face ripped off, his eye came out, they told him he would never sing again. He was in the hospital for over a year and a half, and look what he’s done, you know. He’s got eighty-four plus records and just, you know, he’s been on the road since he was eight years old and still going, you know. So uh, that was kind of the weird death thing that haunts the Williams name a little bit, but he made it through.

Steve: Your granddad…he was a hellraiser, right?

Hank III: Yes, he was…but not all the time. To get…look at the work that he did.

Steve: Exactly.

Hank III: He wasn’t wasted all the time. He would sometimes go a couple of weeks and not even really have a drink and then he’d get stuff done. But when it would let, let it roll, it might turn into two to five days and that’s where a lot of those stories come from at the end of the binge you know, when he’s getting hard to be around and um, so the alcohol played a big part. He still had a grip on it for a while when the back operation - he had a slipped disc in his back and the riding around in those cars – they didn’t know what they were doing back then. So, once they got him opened up and sewn back up, he developed a pretty bad morphine habit and that’s what really took it to the next level. I mean, his leg used to just shake cos the nerves weren’t in place right. But once that came into play, it really started just, he knew he was going. I know he knew he wasn’t going to be around that long. You know, he was tuned in with his God and he knew it.

From 5/31 Landlord

Welcome back to Chriswasanon!

1. Tina has updated Alan White for you. It can be found below today's post.

2. Such a glorious day today was too. Cosmic - just cosmic! Endless blue skies. So the prospect of either Andalucia on the Costa del Sol,, or a beach party in Galloway makes it hard to choose just which destination to go for. If it's Galloway, you may not see me tomorrow off to lands where there are no computers. But if it's the Costa, well I'll be on the net for a few days yet. Enough.

3. How legible is this font by the way?

4. Did Steve sing that one to the tune of Shakin' Stevens - "This ole house." I wonder. I was busy eleswhere I'm afraid. I missed to my chagrin and woe woe thrice woe, the reminiscences on squatting Tina. Being something of an old squatter myself I was after wondering idly if any of it will appear here in a transcripturisical form?

5. The myspace Steve news. Nope nothing new there. But Tina's post today is something new.

"The Landlord's here to visit..."

See what you think!

Chriswasanon.

TINA IS AT THE CONTROLS!

Steve: It’s always something innit, when you’ve got a house. Always something. That’s the one good thing about renting. You just make a phone call. Hopefully, if you’ve got a good landlord, it gets taken care of. But when you own a house, it’s always something going wrong. Always something. What other…oh yeah, I had to get pool equipment cos the pump broke and I needed a new filter and uh, what was the other thing? There’s always something. At least once a month. You’re lucky if you get a couple of months without having to do anything and I’m very low maintenance, you know. It’s just me and I don’t use a lot of things like, I never do dishes. I never have a pile of dishes, you know what I mean cos it’s just me. I take a shower once a month so I don’t have to wash a lot.

Mr. Shovel: Change your sheets, how often?

Steve: Once every two weeks.

Mr. Shovel: Oh. That’s impressive.

Steve: Yeah. So it’s very low maintenance but still things happen. Oh, well. I have a man-boy though, who stays there, who…he’s very low maintenance. I get him out of the cupboard every now and again. He throws some Cracker Jacks on the ground to entertain me. (starts playing his guitar a bit) I keep forgetting to go and get a new tuner cos ole Mr. Strange took mine and I’m incapable of tuning a guitar meself. It’s going out. I’m going to have to go today. (sings)

Oh, this old house is made from all hard work
Bricks and mortar with a tar room with no shingles
It’s not one thing or another
If it’s trees getting caught in the pipes in the toilet
And Dynorod cleans the toilet (http://www.dynorod.co.uk/)
They put snakes down it, all the way down the shaft
Dynorod and Roto Rooter (http://www.rotorooter.com/)

Pool equipment it pumps the iron
In keeps the liquidity flowing in ze pool
I don’t have a heater cos it’s a rip off
It’s like six hundred bucks more on your electricity bill
It’s too much
If you just wait for the Summer
It heats itself all day long
Don’t buy a heater because no one swims in ze Winter
In ze Winter

(Mr. Shovel inserts audio of Ray Winstone’s character Gary “Gal” Dove from the film, “Sexy Beast”:

Dove: it’s like a sauna. A furnace. You could fry an egg on my stomach.

Steve: (continues to sing)

Don’t put any lotion on your body, you must fry and get skin cancer
Skin cancer is good for the doctors
You need to pay ze bills

(more Sexy Beast here)

I suggest you put frying oil on your body and burn burn baby burn
Who cares about 55 sunblock
Cos I don’t fry 55 I don’t fry 55

I also have an ant epidemic
I even found a little mouse that had eaten some poison
(He was all swollen, poor little sod)
I tried to remove him from the driveway
But he would just make these weird little noises
So I got ze broom and brushed him aside
So I didn’t flatten him with my tires
(I called him Mickey)

I also have spiders in the bathroom
They seem to like it there
It’s so much cooler there than the other rooms
But I put ‘em in the bathtub and run ze water
and watch them curl up like little soccer balls

(Mr. Shovel plays a station ID recorded by Ray Winstone)

Winstone: Oh, you’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on 1031. You could fry an egg on his arse.

Steve: (still singing)

Yes, on my arse

I think I’m dying of asbestos
My lungs are filled with glue
But I kind of like that sound of asbestos
Where would we be without poisonous substances

I wouldn’t be immune of anything in this lovely place
Oh how much fun it is being a landlord
“Can you afford it? No? Then you will be removed!”

Raise the taxes,
Lower the drawbridge…

Floratina and Chriswasanon production "transcriptions for the people" 2006.

From May 30, Alain Whyte Visits The Box and The "Wrist of POWER!"

Welcome back to Chriswasanon! This is the Alternative jukebox jive blog where we bring to you the freshest transcripts of Steve Jones show, "Jonesy's Jukebox" on Indie 103.1


The Chriswas news.

I am planning but only planning at the moment in getting away to Spain with any luck, sometime next week. Yes maaaan! Zumo!

The Steve news.

Steve has gone for Vince Ray for his myspace profile pic.

The no other news.

Well Scots are busy taking "ABE" bets on the World Cup at the moment. ABE is not the Advanced book exchange ( in this case) no it means, "Anyone but England."

So the money is on Trinidad and Tobago apparently...

That's it from me.

CwA.

Tina IS at the Controls!

Steve: You wrote a lot of songs, didn’t you? With Mr. Morrissey?

Alain: Yeah. I’ve written over seventy-odd songs now.

Steve: With him?

Alain: Yeah, it’s racking up, there, you know?

Steve: You must have made a few quid, then?

Alain: Done all right. I mean, the weird thing about Morrissey is that he’s as well-known as big acts like Radiohead and you know…

Steve: Yeah. Doesn’t sell as many records.

Alain: Exactly. Like, these bands will shift fifteen million records and he’ll barely scrape in at a million, you know.

Steve: I think it’s the most popular he’s been, though. Well, especially the last album, not the new one, but the one before.

Alain: Yeah, “Quarry”.

Steve: Before that, I remember seeing him at the Universal Ampitheatre and he didn’t have a record deal, he didn’t have a manager he didn’t have nothing. But he has a fan base, doesn’t he? Is that across the country, or is that just kind of like, major cities, like L.A.?

Alain: It’s a bit quieter, I suppose, in the Midwest. The weird thing with him is, he’ll get traveling fans. They’ll be certain fans that will go to like, twenty-five shows or like, pretty much all of them, you know? And he has a very loyal, hard-core following. And then he has a huge Latino following that you’re probably aware of.

Steve: Oh, yeah. They must have loved that song, “First In The Gang To Die”.

Alain: Yeah, about Hector, eh?

Steve: Yeah, old Hector.

Alain: Poor old Hector.

Steve: Poor Sod. (all laugh) Should we play a song and come back and then…what are we doing, visiting The Duke? Visiting The Duke, we’re here with Alan White from…what’s the name of your new band?

Alain: Red Lightning.

Steve: How long have you guys been together?

Alain: About two years?

John Dinambro: Yeah, two, three years.

Steve: Are you guys playing? Going to do some shows?

John: Yes, we are. We’re playing the Viper Room tonight.

Steve: Are ya?

John: Yes. And if you tell them “swan” at the door…

Steve: Is that the secret word, “swan”?

John: It’s not secret anymore…

Steve: Swan?

John: Yeah, swan. Like the head Death Records and “Phantom Of The Paradise”.

Steve: “Swan Lake”, yes. That was a fine piece of music.

John: And Safari Sam’s on June 17th.

Steve: Where’s that?

John: Saturday, June 17th.

Steve: No, where is it?

John: Safari Sam’s, it’s a new club on Sunset.

Steve: On Sunset. All right, well, we’re going to visit The Duke. We’ll be back and we’re gonna be jamming, I think ain’t we?

Alain: Yeah.

Steve: Take it away, Mr. Shovel.


~~~ ~~~ ~~~


Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. Yes. So did you write the music to the, to this song?

Alain: Um, I didn’t. It was before I joined Morrissey.

Steve: What album did you join Morrissey on?

Alain: Joined in ’91 and the first album, I wrote the majority of stuff on “Your Arsenal”.

Steve: Oh, yeah. I bought that one. I like “National Front Disco”, that’s my favorite song.

Alain: Oh yeah? Well it’s apt title got us in a lot of trouble.

Steve: Yeah, what was that all about? It was when you played a gig in England, right? What was it that got you in trouble?

Alain: To be honest, it was (for) the right reasons that we got in trouble because all the National Front lot had turned up to the Madness gig and they were the ones pelting us. You know? So I was pleased about that, in a way because you know, it’s an anti-racist song. It’s about a kid who…the song I think, is about a kid who winds up hanging out with the wrong people and gets involved with a right-wing element.

Steve: People don’t listen to the lyrics, though. They just hear a word and they’re like “Oh!”

Alain: Things got out of hand. I was up on stage and all of a sudden, I saw this silver thing flying and I just when, you know, moved my head to the side and this fifty pence coin missed me by you know, inches. It would have took me right out.

Steve: Really.

Alain: Yeah, it was crazy. They did not like us. It was not good.

Steve: But that was only a one-time thing?

Alain: Yeah, I mean, we’d done about eight songs and you know, bottles of orange juice and all kinds of stuff and coins were getting lobbed on stage. I heard about sixteen pounds landed on stage, in coins. Great, eh?

Steve: Payola.

Alain: Yeah.

Steve: Pay to play.

Alain: Yeah.

Steve: But, why did it get such a…it seemed like, in the media, even they got it wrong. The press got it wrong that, it kind of made it like he was pro-National Front, or whatever.

Alain: Well, the Media basically set him up. The Media made up a load of lies. The decided that you know, they’d had enough of Morrissey and they basically have recently admitted that they were in the wrong and that they were deliberately targeting him. So, you know, they were just out to get him, basically. Made up a load of lies.

Steve: Cos he was always, especially by the NME, he was their darling, wasn’t he? For years.

Alain: Oh, yeah. I mean, The Smiths and Morrissey could do no wrong. But when we joined, a lot of people didn’t like us cos all of a sudden, you’ve got these tough-looking rockers, you know, playing behind like, this guy that they loved. I mean, our band was completely different to The Smiths. The Smiths, they didn’t move about much onstage and they had a completely different to what we have, we’re a lot more raw and more hard-edged. So people at first didn’t like us, you know? It was too much of a big change for them.

Steve: Well, it’s the same as that Dylan thing, wunnit? When he went from acoustic to electric. The diehards got the ump cos they didn’t understand what was happening. It’s like that in a lot of ways, though. But you know, you’ve just got to go with what you believe in don’t you? You know what I mean?

Alain: It was weird, because also, like, before we joined, or before I joined Moz, he put out an album called, “Kill Uncle” and it got slated in the press, big-time. And it’s actually not a bad record you know? I think it’s unfairly slated. But “Your Arsenal” helped revive him…

Steve: You like that title cos you support Arsenal.

Alain: Of course!

~~~ ~~ ~~~

(They are back after playing “Every Day Is Like Sunday” live and a set of records after that. Steve asks if Alan is responsible for the guitar effects at the end of “National Front Disco”, one of the records just played.)

Alain: No, it’s actually Boz, the other guitarist. He tuned, like, I think he tuned to all six strings to F sharp and then just, at the end just kept…turning pegs until they went slack.

Steve: Just went silly.

Alain: I think it’s great, I love it, you know.

Steve: Oh, I love it too, then in that case. If you like it, I like it.

Alain: Aw, God bless ya.

Steve: Um, that was Morrissey from an album, “Your Arsenal” and that was “National Front Disco”. Did you write that? No?

Alain: I did, yeah.

Steve: Oh, that’s the one, yeah. Okay. Got a bad memory, I forget. Before that was Ral Donner. What did you think of that?

Alain: Yeah, I liked it.

Steve: It’s good, wunnit?

Alain: I liked it a lot, yeah.

Steve: You’re like me, I only…got wind of him when Robert Plant came on my show, which was like what, nine months ago? Six months ago? Somewhere around there (Note: It's both, the latter being a rebroadcast when Steve decided to go to the hardware store) and he was the one that turned me onto Ral Donner.

Alain: He really knows his rock and roll, rockabilly stuff, Robert Plant cos I met him at a rockabilly club that I used to go to, which was the club where I met Moz, you know.

Steve: Cos you both had that in common, the rockabilly thing? Is that how you kind of got along, you and Morrissey?

Alain: Well, I think, I think the weird thing was that he was into the image. He does like a fair bit of rockabilly stuff.

Steve: He likes that Fifties look, right?

Alain: Yeah, he liked the Fifties look and he came down, he was looking for musicians and I actually missed him the first time ‘round, but I heard about it. For some reason, I was like, “That gig’s for me, I’m the man for the job” you know? And I dunno how I had the balls to do it, but I recorded four instrumental tracks onto a cassette. I went there every week and then the second week, he showed up and I just approached him and went: “Here’s a tape to show you I can play. I play guitar, piano, bit of harmonica and you know, I’m the man for the job” and I managed to get session work from that and it kind of went on from there.

Steve: So it just started like that.

Alain: Pretty much, yeah.

Steve: And did he have any other guys in the band, or was it just you, was you the first one?

Alain: It’s actually quite a long story so I’ll shorten it down. We did, we did this session and the session didn’t go very well and we recorded “Pregnant For The Last Time”, then the session got aborted and um, I think he got the wrong idea of what I was about and you know, I was very nervous and stuff and just, the session kind of crumbled, so nothing happened. Then, that was in December 1990. Now in March ’91, we happened to bump into him. I say “we”: me, Gary and Spencer, they’re the original guys that played on that “Your Arsenal” album. Gary still plays with Morrissey, bass player. Um, we’d been playing in a rock and roll covers band, just for fun. We was up in Sir Richard Steel’s pub…in walks Morrissey. I’m like, “Bloody hell…”

Steve: You said, “That’s Morrissey.”

Alain: Yeah. And all my hair was flat. It was all down and I was like, “Oh, man…”

Steve: “…where’s the Brylcreem, quick, let me get it up…!”

Alain: Yeah, you’re not wrong. I was like, “Oh, I look like an idiot!”, you know? (general laughter)

Steve: A jack’nape!

Alain: A total, absolute jack’nape! (laughing) And uh, I just had, I had the balls to go up to him and I just said: “Hi, Moz, how ya doin?” and he went: (he imitates Morrissey) “Oh…how are you?”

I could do his voice to a “T”. I’ve got to tell you the wind-ups I’ve done on some of the band, pretending to be him. So anyways, like: (in Morrissey voice) “So, um, what are you up to?” I said: “Well, I’m playing in a band with these guys.”

And he looked over and saw Gaz, he’s got tattoos and the quiff and Spencer, who was in really good shape cos he played drums, you know. He just liked the way we looked and then we got asked to play in a video, you know, just to mime as his band and that’s when I realized, I went: “Guys, we’ve got to learn up his material, and I mean fast, cos he’s gonna ask us to join his band.”

So we done the “Sing Your Life” video, which was the first video and Boz was not present in that video at that point, even though he’d had dealings previous, you know, to even me I think, with Moz. Mark Nevin, the guy who wrote a lot of the material in “Kill Uncle”, he pulled out and Morrissey said: “Do you know a musical director?” and I said: “There’s only one guy I know, and that’s Boz.”

And then Boz got roped in and then we’re on a world tour, and that’s it.

Steve: And you bought a case of Brylcreem.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Memorial day KOSB Freedom of Wigtown.

There may not be a Steve Transcription today and we must bid a farewell too to the myspace indie dog. When a person leaves myspace not a trace remains. Their comments, emails, everything all vanish, it is as if that myspacer had never existed. Last night the puppet Indie dog committed suicide sadly...Rip. old dawg.

You might still find him here but not as he was...

From (in reverse order this time,), the ridiculous to the sublime. Did I not say that a piper adds gravitas and weight to an occassion? Final edit.

NAMUR (1695); MINDEN (1759); EGMONT-OP-ZEE (1799); EGYPT (1801); MARTINIQUE (1809); AFGHANISTAN (1878-80); CHITRAL (1895); TIRAH (1897-98); PAARDEBERG , SOUTH AFRICA (1900-02); MONS , AISNE , YPRES , LOOS , SOMME , ARRAS , SOISSONNAIS-OURCQ , HINDENBURG LINE , GALLIPOLI , GAZA (World War I); DUNKIRK , ODON , CAEN , ARNHEM , FLUSHING , RHINE , BREMEN , NGAKYEDAUK PASS , IMPHAL , IRRAWADDY (World War II); KOWANG SANG , KOREA (1951-52); GULF (1991).

source: http://www.kosb.co.uk/history.htm

This is the campaign list of the King's own Scottish Borderers regiment. From which it was awarded over 200 battle honours. My great grandfather served in this regiment during the 14-18. He was from the regiment's historic catchment area. So there is it seems the mad Borderer reiver blood flowing through me too.

"The National Archives record great acts of courage for which Gallantry Medals were awarded. The most prestigious of these is the Victoria Cross, which was instituted by Royal Warrant in 1856 with the words:-

"It is ordained that this Cross shall only be awarded for most conspicuous bravery, or some daring or pre-eminent act of valour or self-sacrifice or extreme devotion to duty in the presence of the enemy". The Victoria Cross could be awarded to any officer or man in the British armed services regardless of rank.

The VC is the most highly coveted and valued decoration, which might be awarded for performing a single act of valour in the presence of the enemy. Bars were awarded for subsequent acts of extreme courage. Until 1942, the medallions were made from the bronze of cannons captured from the Russians in the 1854 Crimean War. The award was made available to Colonial forces in 1867 and to the Indian Army in 1911.

Four VCs were awarded to soldiers of the KOSBs during WW1. The accompanying citations are indicative of the great courage involved:..."

And here is Wigtown's son, it's own holder of the highest recognition of bravery that this country can bestow. The Victoria Cross medal. This medal has very few recipients.

"....Louis, (Lewis), McGuffie
On 28 September 1918 near Wytschaete Belgium, during an advance, Sergeant McGuffie entered several enemy dug-outs and, single-handedly, took many prisoners. During subsequent operations he dealt similarly with dug-out after dug-out, forcing one officer and 25 other ranks to surrender. During the consolidation of the first objective, he pursued and brought back several of the enemy who were slipping away and was also instrumental in rescuing some British soldiers who were being led off as prisoners. Later in the day, while commanding a platoon, he took many more prisoners, but this very gallant soldier was subsequently killed by a shell on 4th October 1918. He was aged 24 and the son of Mrs Catherine McGuffie of 1 North Main Street Wigtown. He is buried at the Zandvoorde British Cemetery, Zonnebeke, Belguim. There are 1,583 servicemen of WW1 buried in this cemetery of whom 1,135 have not been identified. "

source: http://www.searcher.dircon.co.uk/World_War_One_Personal_Records.htm

I only mention this seeing as;

a) It is memorial day.
b) I still have my great grandfather's cap badge.
c) The KOSB have just beaten the retreat in the main square at Wigtown.

The "Cosbies" regiment were "raised" - established - in Edinburgh in 1689 and first saw action against Jacobite forces at Killiecrankie. As the folk song has it: "On the braes o' Killiecrankie O." It would take too long to go in with any depth into the long list of campaigns the regiment took part in.

It's now 2006 and the KOSB is about to amalgamate into a "super regiment." The Royal regiment of Scotland. At a stroke over 300 years of tradition, community link, may vanish. The regiments of the British Army have always had a great tradition and loyalty from where they recruit and perhaps none more so than the Scottish regiments. It may seem like military mumbo-jumbo. Battle honours, colours, medals, ritual. This tradition is greatly esteemed. The service man or woman I believe belong to something greater than themselves - almost eternal I suppose?

It is strange, though. I mean a customer came into the shop today and asked to see anything on collecting militaria, medals the like. I had to tell him that my other half is a pacifist and does not deal in such things. Has he not seen the peace pole? Google it!

Tonight in the main square at Wigtown with perhaps Sgt. McGuffie watching over the proceedings, the regiment "beat the retreat." All who were here were treated to an amazing set of slow marches from the military band of the KOSB. Looking as the Gaels would say, "cho spaideil" So smart. Full dress uniform, regalia, tartan, sgian dubh the lot. The last post was sounded. The town square echoed to the stirring sound of Scottish martial pipe music with a 45 minute "set" of splendid jigs and reels culminating finally with the:

"March of the King's own Scottish Borderers."

Then they were gone.

Now I could go into this in yet greater depth but you know what that sounds like, don't you?

The regiment are currently touring the places that served as historic catchment areas in Dumfries and Galloway, Stranraer and Newton Stewart and all of these funny wee places "we know little of."

If you ever come to GB or are a resident and sit and wonder at how every little town has it's war memorial - it is because the life blood of the shires and parishes was taken out of it by the Great War.

I thank Floratina for providing me with a couple more links which if you have read this far may serve further to illuminate.

As something of a pacifist, myself, I find it extremely hard to reconcile personal feelings about violence, aggression, weaponry warfare, militaria and military history - coming as I do from an RAF background - with those of peace and non-violence. Peace poles, Non Violent direct Action, the replacement of Britain's Trident nuclear weapons system "deterrent," with something even more fearsome at Faslane on the Clyde.

Nevertheless we will remember them.

CwA

May 2, 2006 Perry Farrell Visits The Box

Welcome back to chriswasanon. Special lime green luridity issue -FINAL - professionally done with Mozilla Firefox - edit.

Completed Lemmy and Slim Jim Phantom and....

The WHOLE of the Mötorhead Lemmy interview and Slim Jim Phantom with Steve Jones is now available at Kick Down The Doors, the Paul Cook 'n' Steve Jones site, which is part of

http://www.sex-pistols.net/.

The No. 1# site for all things about the boys. Here is a direct link.

So not only has Tina done it again, Phil has too! This interview brought a large amount of traffic into this blog whilst we had our extended teaser transcripts up but now it's time to say farewell to it.

So what we got for you today? The show with Mr. Periphereal - Perry 4 Real - like the Manic's guitarist or is it just peripheral. Enuff wordplay. This show was first broadcast - oh look at the title of the blog but anyway it was Saturday's rebroadcast. It's Perry Farrell of Jane's addiction and Dave Navarro etc. and Porno for Pyros AND the founder of the peripatatic (moves around a lot ) alt. for alternative rock road show the "Lollapalooza." Without any more of this or much of that but I will add a pic or two.



And here's the first from http://www.indie1031.fm/shows/jonesy.php it's Perry and Steve in the studio.


Secondly...




Massive food festival, Taste of Chicago, that toddlin' town etc. This is Grant Park the Location! Location! Location! for this years Lollapalooza Festival. Pic from the "Windy City Wikipedia."

Let's speedily hand you over!

CwA.

Tina IS at the controls.


Steve: So what are you doing here? You’re doing your ol’ Lollapalooza.

Perry: Uh huh. Doin’ it August, this coming August, 4th, 5th and 6th.

Steve: Why is it only in Chicago? That’s what I was curious about.

Perry: For the time being, because we, we wanted to have a great location where we could set it up and party and do it our way and as you know, over the last you know, probably ten years (reconsiders), probably seven years, the touring industry, the, the live touring industry has basically been gobbled up by corporations and you have to go through (?) and you have to go in and play their venues and it was wasn’t happening for us. We couldn’t, we couldn’t put the party together the way we wanted to, renting their venues. So, we looked around the country for the ideal location and it was Chicago. So we set it up for three days, as we’re expecting between fifty and sixty thousand people a day.

Steve: What is it, in a field somewhere?

Perry: It’s in a park.

Steve: In a park?

Perry: Yeah. Grant Park. It’s right off the water, in the heart of Chicago so you can basically, you know, take, from your hotel, five minute walk and…you’re at the festival.

Steve: Cool.

Perry: It’s a mile long this year, we’re double the size.

Steve: Who’s playing there?

Perry: The headliners? We’ve got The Red Hot Chili Peppers, we’ve got Kanye West, Wilco and Death Cab For Cutie, The Raconteurs – Jack White’s new project, Flaming Lips, amongst others and Ween, Queens Of The Stone Age and you know, a host of others.

Steve: (? Perry was still talking)

Perry: We’ve got a hundred and thirty acts.

Steve: And how many stages you got?

Perry: Eight stages, a hundred and thirty acts.

Steve: What else do you guys have there? Do you have like, side shows and stuff?

Perry: Yeah. Well, I’ve been working on, for the last several years, this project called, “Mind Field” and it’s going to be bigger and better than ever. Basically it’s…I turn the entire festival into an interactive playing field so people, just with the use of a cell phone are on a…you know, kind of on-call for, to become anything or look for people or you know, participate in a game. Could be a tug-of-war into a vat of jello. It could be…you could win a keg of beer, but you’ve gotta drink it in five minutes. You know…it could be, go and meet Flea and tickle him…

Steve: (amused) Um hmmm…

Perry: until he laughs. You know, stuff like that.

Steve: Maybe you should have a barking section.

Perry: You know what, I’ll write it down.

Steve: Put it in there.

Perry: Well we have something we call “Mass Hypnosis”. It’s very similar and this is how it goes. So you’re on the database, you have your phone, your phone buzzes and it says:

“You are now turning into a werewolf, bark at the moon and one of our agents will come and get you. You have five minutes.”

So the entire audience starts barking at the moon – or those who are playing the game – and then we have our agents run out with giant nets and grab you, net you over the head and then we pull you backstage and you get to tickle Flea. And that’s how the game works.

Steve: Ohh. Excellent.

Perry: “Excellent”…tickling Flea?

Steve: Yeah.

Perry: Yeah. It’s excellent. (laughs)

Steve: Actually, you could tell that, (like a carnival barker) “Right here, now! The excellent, tickling Flea!” Um…I mean, is it open all night? Or does it close at some point?

Perry: No, but you know, there’s always after-parties going on. It is a park. It is a public park.

Steve: Right, so you have rules.

Perry: Yeah, there are certain rules. It’s a gorgeous, gorgeous park. In the middle of the park is Buckingham Fountain (1) which was donated by the Queen, back in the day.

Steve: Queen…Elizabeth?

Perry: Well, (? Both talking)

Steve: As in, Buckingham Palace kind of thing?

Perry: Yeah, Yeah. It’s just a most amazing city. The architecture is just fantastic and it’s clean and the weather’s beautiful and the hotels and the restaurants are just cookin’, man. So, it’s a great place to have a party.

Steve: Hmm. I wonder why America never came up with that royal family thing.

Perry: I think they ran away from the royal thing. The whole point was they wanted to make it democratic.

Steve: Right. But do you think some people wish there was a royal family? I guess you got, I guess rich people are like, royalty, ain’t they? Like your Vandenburgs and your Fords and…that’s kind of a royalty thing.

Perry: Yeah, in a way. The closest we’ve got is the Kennedys, I would say.

Steve: Right, exactly. That’s a good example. Funny, innit?

Perry: And the Simpsons.

Steve: And the Simpsons…

Perry: Bart and Ashley and…

Steve: And the Dahmers and the…

Perry: And the Dahmers?

(both laugh)

Steve: We’re gonna visit The Duke, we’re here with Perry Farrell and we’ll be right back. Thanks for listening.

End of Transcription.

Note.
1. Located in the middle of Grant Park is Buckingham Fountain. You may recognize this fountain as the one featured in the opening credits from the television show, “Married With Children”.

Source: Wikipedia.

Joint Floratina Transcriber and Chriswasanon production.

Richard Strange 26th May 2006

This is the Alternative juke box jive blog for the Jonesy's Jukebox on www.indie103.1.fm/ TODAY RICHARD STRANGE!!! Stepping up, Perry Farrell.


Now enjoy.

Boredom buses outside Middlesbrough Town hall.

So whats we got for you today then, today? bloody hell it's nearly 3. in the morning here but I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

We got Richard Strange - no not Steve Strange's brother you fool! Kid Strange from the Doctor's of Madness. Richard Strange is in Los Angeles. He is here performing a "cult" William Burroughs penned play called the "Black Rider" now in it's eighth week. There's a classic Faustian angle on this plot - a bit like that old bluesman who sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads. Robert Johnston. I think this one involves bullets though. So if you aren't among the 50% who get pissed off, go see. Check the LA. whats on but please do not be asking your uncle bastard cwa the wheres and the whyfores and don't start jumping up and down at me when it pushes your crumple buttons, cos I live in bleedin' Scotland innit. Ok the Black Rider is at the Ahmanson theatre. Down-town L.A.

Richard cited that "banana" Velvet Underground album as being one of his major influences. The boys somehow got into a debate about the "ginger." gene. Personally I love ginger beer.

Richard gave out two urls.

www.richardstrange.com

and

www.doctorsofmadness.co.uk.

I liked the second one best - there is some fantastic archive material there.

He's got a myspace too.

Want that one?

http://www.myspace.com/richardkidstrange

Back to the interveiw. Now rather hilariously Steve took for himself the offering of a DVD of Doctor's of Madness stuff that Richard had brought into the sketch, the studio, the pad and was going to ding in as a prize for us. Oh yes and Richard did SING his tender love song to Cherie Blair. :-) I haven't transcribed THAT one - the lyrics are available elsewhere. Go seek and ye shall find.

You know what I've transcribed don't you? Yes it's that classic from Middlesbrough Town hall which according to www.sex-pistols.net took place on May 21st 1976. 30 years and 5 days ago to be precise - well some people have lonnnnnnnnnnng memories.

Chriswasanon IS at the controls.

Steve: How long was you guys together for Doctors of Madness?

Richard: Three years.

Steve: Three years.

Richard: 75-78 yeah.

Steve: Do you think you influenced any bands?

Richard: Of course we did.

Steve: Do you get people coming up saying, “you influenced me.”

Richard: There was a band in 1976, their agent phoned us up and said:

“Look we’ve got this band, they want to do an out of town gig,”

(You’re) one of the only bands who would put them on the bill with them. We were doing a gig in Middlesbrough (N.E. England) as I recall…

Steve: Nice.

Richard: And we said yeah ok. we’d heard of this band. They had a bit of a snotty reputation but we thought we’d give it a go. Called the “Sex Pistols,” don’t know if you ever heard of them?

Steve: (Brightly) Oh yes!

Richard: (Laughs).

Steve: Oh great!

Richard: So they were supporting us in Middlesbrough and we turned up to do our sound check and these four spotty kids were sitting in the auditorium waiting to get on and we did what rock bands always do when they headline, they dick around and keep the support band waiting there.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: And you know, these kids were sort of burping and farting and just being generally obnoxious and then they realised they needed to borrow some gear…um…

Steve: Monitors weren’t it?

Richard: Um monitors or something and we were being obnoxious as well...said:

“No you can’t use ‘em, can’t use them.”

So anyway they went on and of course they were rather fabulous in performance. Kids went wild and I was listening from the side of the stage and I was so jealous of you guys cos I thought, this is gonna end my career, this is something. This is something that is juuust it’s almost like what we do but it’s just pushed it on a little bit further and we’d been around for sort of two years then soooo.

Steve: Yeah.

Richard: You know if you’re not brand new. Pop loves novelty. Pop loves it to be now and shiny and bright and brand new you know. If you’ve been around two years and pop, punk rock hadn’t even been given a name but you were sort of punk rock because, I had blue hair, I was Kid Strange we sang fast songs about you know livin’ in the city and stuff. But we weren’t “punk rock,” you guys came on and er…I was impressed and I was impressed by the way you worked the audience by seeming to be bored. But so I was depressed when we came off stage, we’d done quite a good gig but I noticed that twelve quid was missing.

Steve: Your jeans were lighter.

Richard: My jeans were lighter (mock indignant) by approximately twelve pounds sterling!

Steve: (Laughing)

Richard: Which in today’s money is about twenty five dollars. Er so that really put the kibosh (1). on what had been a really miserable evening. Funnily enough…

Steve: Didn’t I run into you and…

Richard: No, you still owe it to me but um…

Steve: I thought I made amends to you, I came into that smoke shop and made amends to you.

Richard: Oh you did come into a smoke shop that’s right, yeah. But thats twenty years later.

Steve: I’ll gladly give you another twenty five bucks again. I thought I’d…

Richard: It’s sort of well twenty five bucks is about a hundred and fifty now.

Steve: We’ve got visit the Duke we’ll be right back with this story, fanx for listenin’

Advertising break…

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesey’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1. (Sounds of guitars being tuned). We’re tunin’ up our axes. So where was we in that story?

Richard: We were in Middlesbrough town hall.

Steve: Middlesbrough town ‘all.

Richard: (Heavily) And you were about to repay an old debt! (Conversational again) And the funny thing was, I was doing a tv. Show in Germany about twenty years later and I had a driver who used to drive me from the airport to the television station every week and we were getting the summer off and I said to him:

“What do you do through the summer while we are not doing the show?”

He said:

(Cod German accent) "... I will be driving zer Sex Pistols in Chermany for the..." I think - did he call it a bank-snatch? No, er...reunion tour, sorry.

Steve: Yes.

Richard: Reunion tour and um..

Steve: Oh you’re good, you’re good!

Richard: (Laughing) I said to him oh um:

“Just let me write a little letter for Mr. Rotten.”

Steve: (Cod German accent) Let me sign ze papers.

Richard: Yeah. So I wrote a letter. Er oh dear, scribbled a note, I said:

“Dear Johnny I was recently wearing a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn for twenty four years – last worn in Middlesbrough and twelve pounds seems to be missing from the pocket. Do you by any chance know anything about it?”

Steve: He probably didn’t know.

Richard: So I give this to Ossie my driver and I said:

“Give this to Johnny or to one of the boys.”

Richard: And then at the end of the summer I came back and there he was waiting for me at the airport and I said:

“How was your summer?” and he said:

(German accent) Oh ja, very good.

I said ah I said:

“Did you see Johnny?”

He said:

“Ja he gave me this letter for you.”

I opened the letter and there was er crisp fifty dollar bill in there with a hand scrawled note by Mr. Lydon saying:

(Cockney accent) “Oh yeah I do remember something about that, I don’t think it was me who nicked the money but I hope this will cover it.”

Steve: Really?

Richard: Yeah.

Steve: Foolish man.

Richard: I told Malcolm McLaren about that later, he said , Malcolm said:

“I’m sure it was Jonesy who nicked the money that day. “

Steve: (Shouting ) “No it weren’t me Guv’nor!”

(Continuing) Not only did that ‘appen, I got ‘old of this American bird while you guys were on actually. She was a student. She was like slightly over-weight and I remember getting’ old of her like back stage. It was fantastic I was speedin’ it was like one of them things that was all magical.

General laughter from all present.

Richard: You make it sound so romantic, these rather tawdry stories of sexual intercourse Steve.

Steve: I am a sinner.

Richard: Oh you are a sinner.

Steve: I will go to hell.

Richard: We’re all sinners and oh yeah. All these stories by the way are in this rather fabulous book that I’m peddling here.

Steve: Yeah what is the name of book?

Richard: The book is called “Strange.” With the sub-title “Punks and drunks and flicks and kicks.” And it’s a memoir that I wrote when I was old enough to write a memoir. I hit the age of fifty about 3 years ago and thought, “now I’m old enough to write volume 1. of my memoir.”

End of transcription

Notes.

1 Kibosh. Unknown origin. “final straw” Possibly from Yiddish or more interestingly from the Irish, cie báis, “cap of death”.

Chriswasanon production

From May 23

Welcome back to Chriswasanon - special human powered cycle- Anarchist after-life issue. So Steve didn't show up for a day there but now he's back with Mr. Shovel.

I used to share a house in the mid -eighties with the former test pilot of Mike Burrows Windcheetah "speedy" recumbent bicycles. The lovely and hairy and bearded Andy Pegg. Monsieur Le Pegg when he wasn't windowcleaning around the houses with his ladders strapped to the side of his enormous sit-up-and-beg old Grandad bike,




A sit up and beg bike.

would be seen around in our small city riding one of these and sometimes with a racing fairing over it.



Psychedelic attire and a flag projecting from the yellow headrest helps here so that lorry drivers have full visibility. Andy Pegg in pink skin suit modelling recumbent.


Ride quality superb, you are low down in one of these so the ground just whizzes along beneath you. Noise- minimal. Murder on the calf muscles! WindCheetah designer Mike Burrows was of course the man who gave GB. our Gold medal at the Barcelona Olympics with Chris Boardman in 1994.

Prevent eyestrain by using a green font colour. After Pegg Pink and Yellow this is necessary. Well wasn't that a splendid Lemmy and Slim-Jim interview? The great thing is, we give you the chance to DO IT all over again in any colo(u)r you like! So now we got the bicycling maniacs out of the way - admit it, don't you want a speedy now you've seen one - lets ponder for one second, the after-life. Well, I think people have to have something to believe in, religions and cults and all sorts of rituals and superstitions are built around this very fact. So nobody has yet come back and said, so - doesn't mean it isn't impossible. Or that they have returned to incarnate as a cat or something...I keep an open mind...usually if people say that they are other than a human being I believe that they can't be in a legal state of mind. Let's see what Steve thinks...

CwA

Tina IS at the controls!

Steve: (belch) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. God, we actually started at twelve o’clock, Mr. Shovel. I think that’s the first time.

Mr. Shovel: I’m sorry. It was an accident.

Steve: Oh. It’s a gorgeous day out. Obviously you know that unless you’re living in the basement somewhere…in California, that is. It’s gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I was off yesterday, I guess some of you noticed. Some of you probably didn’t…and I was a bit under the weather but more than anything else, I was just burnt out, coming in here every day. I’m different than most normal people who can show up every day. I burn out. I’m not as strong as most of you working-class people. I’m weak in that department and I need to air my head every now and again. But all I know is, it’s gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous out there right now. I love it. The whole place changes when Summer kicks in. So weird, it rained yesterday. What a day to take off, it bleedin’ rains. It was nice yesterday evening, absolutely delightful. It was fantastic.

I can never figure out them guys on bicycles, they think they own the road. You ever notice that, Shovel? These guys have all the gear and all the colored shirts and the tight little pants and their helmets and the shoes…they think they own the road now. Like they own the right-of-way cos they’re on a bicycle or something? Cos they’ve got all the gear on, like they’re professionals or something? I don’t understand that.

Mr. Shovel: I think they do have the right-of-way.

Steve: They’re doing ten miles an hour. They’re in the middle of the bleedin’ road. What, what’s going on? And they get the ump if you want to get past ‘em. They get all like, upset. What’s the “way”(?) about? When I used to have a bicycle, I used to go on the, inside like, the edge of the road. Near the pavement, that’s like, where you drive. All the sudden, you’ve put some fancy poof’s outfit on, all of a sudden you’re allowed to go in the middle of the road whenever you feel like it?

Mr. Shovel: Well, that’s a different story, yeah. That’s no good.

Steve: It’s crazy. They’re lucky they don’t get smashed…rear ended.
Freddy…from Freddie and The Dreamers died the other day, suddenly. I don’t know what…I don’t know what he died of but you’ve heard me play him and of course I’ll put, do a little song for him, one of his hits. It’s too bad. I guess people die – he must have been seventy, maybe… sixty-five, seventy somewhere in that ballpark – not many people live past eighty, do they? Seems like the majority of people kind of croak it…between seventies and eighties. Not many people live to a hundred.

Mr. Shovel: More and more people are.

Steve: Starting to?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I wonder how long I’ll live to? Funny, innit. I love the way everyone’s got predictions and where you go after you die. No one knows but - you understand, NOBODY KNOWS. Some people are convinced that you go, your spirit leaves and goes into another spirit that comes back…how do you know? You don’t know. Why (are) people so sure of what happens when you die? What do you think happens, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t know.

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know, just…that’s fine. You don’t know. You might think you know, but at the end of the day, you don’t know. “Oh, but I think that I’ve been in this place before.” “You look familiar. I must have met you in a past life.” “I swear I was a pirate in my old life, cos I like going on the ocean.” You know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: When people have past life regressions, they’re never just average people.

Steve: No, they’re like you know, Adolph Hitler or Blackbeard or you know, bleedin’ Queen Elizabeth or Shakespeare. They’re not just some average Joe Blow. It’s always like some…

Mr. Shovel: “I used to clean out the latrines.”

Steve: Yeah. “I’ve been here somewhere before. This toilet looks familiar. I’m sure I’ve cleaned this in my past life.” FOOLS! Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine. (strums guitar)

It’s good to be back. My voice sounds weird, dunnit?

Mr. Shovel: A little bit. You’re still getting over that thing, that sickness you had.

Steve: Yes. No, I copped to it. I…wasn’t completely sick yesterday. I wanted a day off, simple as that. I’m not bleedin’ Ryan Seacrest, I’m not a robot. I burn out. I needed a day off. No denying that. But I was a bit sick Friday and Saturday. Let’s play a song for Freddy. Poor ol’ Freddy. I’m going to look on the internet when we get rockin’ and figure out how he died. Poor sod. This is for Freddy. He’s up there in rock and roll heaven with Sid and all the rest of ‘em. And this song is called, “You Were Made For Me”. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
Steve: As I was talking about what happens when you die, I went on to say that, “Oh, there he goes. He’s going to meet Sid up in Heaven.” See, I’m falling for it, too. How do I know there’s a Heaven? I don’t.

Mr. Shovel: And how do you know Sid’s there?

Steve: Exactly. You don’t know. But then, you know, I caught myself out by saying as if I know he’s going to go somewhere where someone else is.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a pretty good image, though. Sid, the way we picture him onstage with Freddy doing his dance.

Steve: Yeah, and all the others, all the other musicians that are brown bread, too. It’s probably a Hall of Fame, up there actually, for dead people I would imagine. I wonder if they’re all sitting around, smoking cigarettes.

Mr. Shovel: I wonder if Sid showed up for it?

Steve: Oh, knowing Sid, he probably didn’t. He was crazy. I wonder if you get welcomed as you come up to the pearly gates…”Hello, Mr. Dreamer. Come right in. I’m sorry you had an early life. Come right in, sit over there, we’ll take your statistics and then we’ll evaluate you where your going to go after this. Just have a seat over there thank you.” And then you, you know, get his age, where he’s from. I think he was from Liverpool, I don’t know. “Okay, you’re going in that room over there. Enjoy yourself for the rest of eternity. You go over there with the other Liverpudlians and tell jokes and steal hubcaps. You’re gonna love it.” You know what I mean? As long as there’s a pie and mash shop wherever I go for eternity…if I knew that for a fact, I’d probably end it now and go there. Just kidding. I have more work to do, in this hell hole before I go.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s only Monday.

Steve: Yes, I have - Tuesday, actually – I have to spray L.A. with my intelligence, my outlook on life. Orange County…Malibu…Ventura Boulevard. You ARE listening to me, aren’t you? Yes, of course you are. Who else would you be listening to at 12:25. Ryan Seacrest, of course not. He’s an idiot, a fool, a jackabite and a robot. You don’t want him, you want me. You want intelligence. I’m so intelligent I don’t know what to do with myself. Don’t you agree Mr. Shovel? (bursts out laughing)

Mr. Shovel: It’s another great Jonesy (bit?) right there. (hard to make out over Steve’s laughter)

Steve: We’re gonna go visit The Duke. I don’t know why I keep bagging on that guy, he’s probably a nice guy, Mr. Seacrust. Crusty sea. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~
(After the whistle, “The Age Of Aquarius” where Steve was expertly accompanied by Mr. Shovel on the melodica)

Steve: (New York accent) Yeah that’s right, was the dawning of “The Age Of Aquarius” by the Fifth Dimensions (sic). There’s a lot on dimensions in e-harmony. Compatible.

Mr. Shovel: Forty-three.

Steve: Forty-three dimensions. That’s the biggest load of nonsense under the sun. Do you understand?

Mr. Shovel: Could work.

Steve: It’s impossible. What do you write? What, you write down all your…

Mr. Shovel: Well, have you tried it, cos it’s…whatever you’re doing’s not working.

Steve: I’m not even…I don’t care if it’s not working. I’m happy not working in relationships. Why does everyone have to keep trying to have a relationship? It’s not for everyone. Just accept it. You’re gonna be a loner ‘til you die and then you’re gonna come back as a pirate in a past life. Like, what do you write down there, if you go to bleedin’ E-Harmony?:
“I like to eat a lot and I like to fart, I like to sleep. I don’t want to be disturbed, don’t move any of my stuff around in my house” um, what else? You write all that down…is that what you do, you write down a list of all the things…your kind of peeves and what you like doing?

Mr. Shovel: You write what you don’t like…

Steve: Yeah. And then…the other bird at the other end says, “Oh, I don’t mind a guy who farts, maybe I’ll give him a call.” Is that how it works?

Mr. Shovel: You can try that…

Steve: Something like that.

Mr. Shovel: See how that goes for ya.

Steve: Yeah. “Compatible”. Compatable, my ass.

Mr. Shovel: No, you’re supposed to say, “I like to take long walks on short beaches…”

Steve: Yes, "...and sit by fireplaces with a cup of Horlicks, staring at your face.” Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: Fireplaces and sunsets. Roses and wine.

Steve: Moonlit walks. (U.S. accent) “I’ve very outgoing. I like to hike, I love animals.” (Sopranos accent) Get outta here! GET OUTTA HERE!! You ain’t gettin’ nothin’. Compatible my ass. Get outta here.

(and with that, they again launch into “The Age Of Aquarius”.)

~~~ ~~~

Joint Tina the transcriber and chriswasanon the riffer production.

Top 16

Hope that you are all enjoying the excellent Slim Jim Phantom and Lemmy interview that Tina has transcribed for your pleasure - I think there may be a bit more to come, or perhaps, she's keeping some of it back for Kick Down the Doors. Can never tell. Keep checking back.

The myspace top 8 Steve news - actually he's got one of them new fangled top 16 thingys now. Whoooo. "If I ain't in your top 16 you will be eliminated" - mayhap. And whilst his myspace avatar was Winstone, Steve's much treasured dog - it is now Bokassa. Full absorbing story here
" Princeps "




No Steve last night, so no nothing today.

World cup fever continues to grow with a flowering of Crosses of St George dahn sahf mate innit. The Scots will - I have to completely retract my previous statement - almost certainly be supporting any side but Beckham's lot during the coming competition in Germany. Realistic "Remember Bannockburn 1312" mode /on. A shame but there it is.

Still to come!!!

The exposé of the Women's Rural Institute.

CwA

May 19th 06 Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Welcome back to chriswasanon (unknown heavily preamble plagiarized edt)

--->COMPLETE!<--- Well as complete as it can be - the rest is off to www.cookandjones.co.uk and you can look under the transcriptions section when it's up and find it there.

Well what can I say about Lemmy? At school Lemmy noted that even having a guitar - never mind playing the bleedin' thing - was a powerful fanny magnet. A bedder of over 2,000 ladies by his estimation - presumably since electing to bass. A great man of the people from Anglesey, Lemmy, after a number of small bands became a Jimi Hendrix roadie and scored acid for the maestro. He progressed eventually to Galactic Group, Hawkwind with his distinctive bassing style. He then "moved on" (being into the wrong kind of drugs apparently). Billy Whizz I suppose? But instead of sitting around drinking herbal tea, he was mates with slot machines (one arm bandits etc.) and the Hell's Angels. He rode the path of excess and and filled his tank with yet more prodigious amounts of "refreshments".

He formed Mötorhead with Phil "Philthy animal" Taylor and guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke in 1975 after wisely listening to his manager's advice that the initial imaginative name of "Bastard" for the group was eminently unsuitable to receive air-time on Top of the Pops - or anywhere really. The band picked up quite a few of them old punker fans in the good? old days. Mötorhead - umlauted! - cracked it big time with the Ace of Spades album and single in 1980.

Well Mötorhead were always a bit too "out there," for main stream heavy metal rockers. Renegades we might say. They were more than a match for some of the punk bands at the time too and really had more in common with the Damned and the Pistols than with say, Judas Priest. Kris Needs in his amazing biog, "Needs Must" - which reads like a round up of every significant musical movement and shaker from his early days at punk fanzine Zig Zag onwards (just check it out) says about Mötorhead,

"all round top blokes."

The band have always had an honest approach to the rock business and their relationship between themselves and their crowds. There is a lengthy Lemmy discography out there. And I've gone on so much about Lemmy and Mötorhead that I've no time to EVEN summarise the second guest. It's Stray Cat stand-up drummer Slim Jim Phantom! Both sitting down with the Sire for you - so I'll just say sit back and enjoy yourselves and feast your eyes on this trio. The question IS, is it "Tomayto" or "tomahto." Whaddayathink? Glesca or Glasgow? Buckingum or Buckingham?

Tina IS at the controls!

May 19th Lemmy and Slim Jim Visit The Box

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox.

Lemmy: I’m not. (laughs)

Steve: Yes, you are.

Lemmy: All right.

Steve: Lemmy in the studio.

Lemmy: Sorry.

Steve: Hello, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Sorry everyone. Sorry Steve.

Steve: It’s okay. Mistakes happen.

Lemmy: That wasn’t a mistake, I’m just sorry.

Steve: And we have Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello. I was trying to listen to the show, but Lemmy wanted to play the new Motorhead record for me in the car.

Lemmy: So he couldn’t.

Steve: Well, he was excited. When’d you finish it, Lemmy?

Lemmy: About four days back.

Steve: Four days…past.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: Ago.

Lemmy: Ago, a-gone. Yes.

Slim Jim: So, did you say anything really good that we missed in the last twenty minutes?

Steve: Well, I said what an idiot you are.

Slim Jim: Oh, well. I didn’t miss anything, then.

Lemmy: (indecipherable – speaking under Slim Jim)

Steve: No, of course I would never say nothing bad about either of you. You know I had Bananarama in here yesterday, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Oh, yeah?

Steve: And one of ‘em fancied you.

Lemmy: No they didn’t. They were just saying that to be controversial.

Steve: I don’t think so.

Slim Jim: Which one?

Steve: …back in the day. The blonde one fancied you.

Lemmy: Well, I passed them in the BBC canteen on several occasions none of them ever said anything.

Steve: What, for “Top Of The Pops”?

Lemmy: Yeah, stuff like that.

Steve: You probably intimidated them.

Lemmy: Yeah, probably. Well, they intimidate me. There’s three of them, and they’re called Bananasomething you know, which is always very intimidating. I they’re used to Bananarama, what chance have I got? (all laugh)

Steve: Cucumberamarama.

Lemmy: Baby’s Armaramba. (more laughter)

Steve: Nightstickarabarama.

Lemmy: There ya go…cruiser.

Slim Jim: Are they still in town listening to this today, you think?

Steve: I think so. They’re going to Long Beach today. They’re just out here doing a…a...cd signing thing. Promotional tour, I think they call them.

Slim Jim: Chicks always got to do those kind of things…

Steve: Do you ever do stuff like that, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Yeah, we used to do it a lot. We do press, we have a block of press days every now and again in Europe, you know.

Steve: Do you think it makes a difference, all that stuff?

Lemmy: Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends if you get the right people to come out and interview you. You know, if you get like, a bunch of fanzines and they don’t cover a lot of people, you know - they’re equally good but they don’t cover a lot of people and the format doesn’t get around. But if you get in a couple of good nationals or something, that’s great you know. That will do something. Cos people don’t know you’re in town half the time. Cos the promoters don’t spend any money to advertise. They just stick up three posters a half a mile from the venue and that’s it. I remember in London, we played the…Town and Country. And you had one poster outside on a sandwich board outside the doors of the venue and you could already see it on the marquee, right…and then half mile away on a bridge, one poster. And I went right through the West End the night before – not a thing. Nothing. And we get in there and the guy had the nerve, he said, “You guys don’t sell tickets anymore, do ya?” (laughs) You know, brilliant. No radio spots, no posters…

Steve: Well, I did hear a lot of people did walk over that bridge.

Lemmy: Yeah, they did. Yeah. Thing is, they walk in to work and they walk back again at five o’clock before the show. (they laugh)

Steve: Yeah, I know. It ain’t…whatever. But you’re doin’ all right ain’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, I’m doing fine.

Steve: Got a new album out, four days old.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: What’s it called? “Kiss Of Death”.

Lemmy: That’s the working title, yeah, I think it’s probably going to be called that, yeah.

Steve: What label you guys on?

Lemmy: We’re on…over here we’re on Century.

Steve: Oh, yeah.

Lemmy: In Germany, we’re on SPV.

Steve: Well, what are you doing with this pelican?

Lemmy: Well, he hasn’t got anywhere to go see, so I took him on. He followed me around, so I kept him.

Slim Jim: Please. I’m the driver.

Lemmy: Yeah, he drives and he drums.

Steve: So, what is this then?

Slim Jim: Lemmy and I made a…

Lemmy: It’s about five years old, that. You’ve never seen it? For shame…

Slim Jim: …record that we’re just, finally releasing it.

Steve: They didn’t have any posters up for it.

Lemmy: No radio spots…

Slim Jim: Now we’re getting radio spots and our own posters. We’re sticking ‘em up ourselves.

Steve: Is there any bridges around here I can stick something up on?

Lemmy: I seen one, once. Burt Lancaster has one, I believe.

Steve: What, a bridge?

Lemmy: Yeah, but they knocked it down after he did that movie with Kirk Douglas, that was one. Didn’t see that?

Steve: No, what’s it called? “Bridge Over The River Kwai”?

Lemmy: I have no clue.

Slim Jim: “Bridges of Madison County”? (they laugh)

Lemmy: “Brides of Dracula’?

Slim Jim: Anyway, Lemmy and I made this record of all our favorite, favorite rockabilly stuff.

Lemmy: Mostly Buddy Holly, really.

Slim Jim: Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry and Johnny Cash and we’ve finally gotten around to finishing it and we did a DVD at Cat Club last year. We’re finally getting around to editing that, so we’re going to put it all out at once.

Steve: No Billy Fury, I see.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Well see, these people don’t know about Billy Fury because they’re Americans.

Steve: Well, he does, Slim Jim, doesn’t he?

Slim Jim: Sure.

Lemmy: Only peripherally.

Steve: You know what I started off with today…

Slim Jim: “Rock With The Cave Man”?

Steve: No. You were probably listening to your album, but I started off with Shakin Stevens, “This Old House”.

Lemmy: Right.

Slim Jim: Ahh. Good one.

Steve: Remember that? Did you ever used to go see him?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Slim Jim: He didn’t like us.

Lemmy: He was good, he was a good actor.

Steve: He was. I saw him loads of times.

Lemmy: Johnny Kidd and The Pirates. They were excellent. They were the best…that was the best rock singer England ever had, for me.

Steve: Yeah. He was brilliant.

Lemmy: Putting on a show you know…I mean, before strobes, he had this roadie who used to have a broomstick along all the light switches and do this…(all laugh) it was like a strobe light thing. Jesus. I used to carry their guitars in to Llandudno Pier to get in for free, you know? And then hide in the venue until they come on, you know. Mick Green, excellent.

Steve: He was a good guitar player.

Lemmy: They came back in the punk era, too. Right?

Slim Jim: Yeah, they toured with us in ’81, I think.

Lemmy: Yeah, they made a whole, a big comeback for a while.

Steve: Well, I liked that one song they did, “Someone’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight”.

Lemmy: That’s Vince and The Valients…that was Fleetwood Mac.

Steve: Right. That’s what I meant. That was Peter Green though?

Lemmy: Peter Green, yeah.

Slim Jim: Yeah, but Mick Green was The Pirates.

Steve: Oh, MICK Green. All these greens. Do you eat your greens?

Lemmy: Village green, see?

Steve: Yes. Society.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke. We’re here with Lemmy and…The Phantom and we’ll be right back and listen to some world premiere of a Motorhead album.

Lemmy: World premiere of the dirty, nasty Motorhead, you know?

Steve: “Kissing Death” is the working title. Will it stick? Throw it up the pole and see who jumps on the top of it.

Lemmy: Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.

Steve: Yesss. Take it away, Mr. Shovel.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Hello, sons of bitches!

Lemmy: Hello, sons of bitches!

Steve: You’re listening to…(pauses to listen to Lemmy who’s playing his guitar) Jonesy’s Jukebox, yes. Lemmy’s got a guitar in his hand, I’m tuning one and Slim Jim’s putting on some Brylcreem. (Lemmy is still playing in the background) Is that “Greensleeves”?

Lemmy: Used to be, before I screwed it up. Henry the Eighth wrote that you know, so they say.

Steve: He did, right?

Lemmy: So they say.

Steve: He was very talented, very talented, though.

Lemmy: (indecipherable)…some geezer working for him didn’t even nick that, you know.

Steve: Like Elvis.

Lemmy: There was no copyright laws in them days.

Steve: Exactly. He was the King. Whatever he said, went.

Lemmy: It’s good to be king, huh. I’m the eighth one.

Steve: Wouldn’t you like to have been Henry the Eighth?

Lemmy: No. Too fat. He had gout.

Slim Jim and Lemmy: (almost same time) He had a gammy leg. Eaaghh.

Steve: He had a gammy leg?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Steve: I know he had gout. What actually is gout, from rich food, right?

Lemmy: Yeah. It’s the hardening of the arteries or something like that, I think. Bad circulation in the leg.

Steve: Red wine gives you gout as well. Port- no, port.

Lemmy: It’s good for your heart, though.

Steve: It is?

Lemmy: So they say. (Steve laughs) They’re probably lying, you know. It’s all lies.

Steve: It’s all lies.

Slim Jim: He got to chop their heads off if they bothered him, though.

Steve: Well, you know…

Slim Jim: No alimony.

Steve: I wish I could do that.

Lemmy: “Sire, he wants to die a rich man.”
“His wish is granted. Give him his bucket of gold and then strangle him.” (all laugh)

Steve: What track do you want to play on there?

Lemmy: Uh, play…track eleven is it, I think?

Steve: Eleven is “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of the Worm”

Steve: There’s no profanity, is there?

Lemmy: No.

Steve: Okay. We’ll get that cued up.

Lemmy: What do you care anyway? You’re about as profane as anybody I know.

Steve: I am profanity. I AM Profanity.

Lemmy: You are profanity, in person.

Steve: That’s a nice-sounding guitar.

Lemmy: (plays a bit of a melody) The great Stones song.

Steve: Hey what is that? Oh, Stones!

(They play and sing some of, “Tell Me” by the Rolling Stones)

Lemmy: Let’s play the other track on the album…

Steve: This is world premiere…

Lemmy: World preem…

Steve: of Henry the Eighth’s new album.

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s by Motorhead.

Steve: Entitled…

Slim Jim: Henry the Eightff.

Lemmy: “Kingdom of The Worm”.

Steve: “King of The Worm” is the track and the album is called…

Lemmy: “Kiss of Death”.

Steve: “Kiss of Death”, working title. World premiere. Take it away…


~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: Can you do an English accent, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: Yeah..

Steve: Go on.

Slim Jim: Certainly

Lemmy: Certainly.

Steve: So, where’d you get your Brylcreem from?

Slim Jim: (English accent) Down at chemist’s. King’s Road.

Steve: Nice.

Lemmy: Yeah. Lovely.

Slim Jim: Right at Bofer (?) Street, where they meet.

Steve: Yeah. That’s not bad. Keep going.

Lemmy: (?)

Steve: Go on, carry on you’ve got a couple more seconds.

Slim Jim: What’d you want?

Steve: What you want?

Lemmy: What ya want?

Steve: (broad U.S. accent) Excuse me, Slim Jim?

Lemmy: Say what?

Slim Jim: Pardon?

Steve: Yeah, you talk to me in English and I’ll talk to you in American. Let’s have a conversation.

Slim Jim: All right.

Lemmy: I’ll speak in the middle of it now and again, in Welsh. How’s that?

Steve: Okay. Slim Jim, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Slim Jim: Fry up.

Lemmy: (? Sounds like “a dell”)

Steve: What is a “fry up”, Slim Jim? Can you explain?

Slim Jim: Egg, ?, sauce, mushy peasios, tommos, bread slicios,

Steve: That is a terrible English accent.

Lemmy: Yeah, that was terrible, that part. You could have run away with it there.

Steve: (continuing with U.S. accent) You disappointed me, Slim Jim.

Slim Jim: I don’t want to be English.

Steve: I’m staying with it.

Slim Jim: Sorry…sorry, pardon?

Steve: Is that the end?

Slim Jim: I don’t know…

Steve: I’d really like to get to know you, Slim Jim. But you’re making it very difficult for me.

Lemmy: I want you to know this most sincerely.

Slim Jim: How come when English guys do American, they always do that Wink Martindale, game show,”You’ve won a Cadillac and a new, second-hand fridge!!”

Lemmy: That’s what you hear on the TV adverts all the time, all day and night, innit?

Steve: Exactly. Cos when you’re in England, they even…they’re used to watch all them…

Lemmy: (U.S. accent) “When you drive a Saturn, you’re really driving.”

Slim Jim: And everyone thinks that the British are like Terry Thomas or…

Steve: Yeah, and there’s one post office.

Lemmy: Terry Thomas was wonderful. Nobody in America ever heard of him…he was excellent.

Steve: Died a poor man.

Lemmy: Yeah, I know.

Steve: But he was brilliant.

Lemmy: But he grew his (?) so it wasn’t all bad.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: It’s the butler from Batman, Terry Thomas or The Beatles, everyone thinks that…

Steve: Or horse and cart, still…and, “Excuse me, do you know Ron? He lives in England somewhere.”

Lemmy: And Jane Seymour.

Steve: “Ron. He lives somewhere in England, you must know him!”

Slim Jim: “Over there in England…”

Lemmy: Yeah, it’s real small over there, right? Everybody knows everybody else.

Steve: Cobblestones and pork pies…

Slim Jim: It’s raining all the time and it’s got a lot of fog.

(some phonetic spellings of intentionally mispronounced words up ahead)

Lemmy: “Glousesstershire”.

Steve: “Is that anywhere near Ly-ishester Square?”

Slim Jim: They drink warm beer and it’s foggy all the time.

Steve: “I believe the river THAYmes is having a flood”

Lemmy: They say “Kilmeister” to me.

Steve: Who?

Lemmy: “Kilmeister”. I mean, why would you do that. It’s obviously “Kilmister”, you know…

Steve: “Westmeinster”.

Lemmy: They have to change something in the word to make it American, like…

Steve: Well, no they…that’s how it’s, if you look at it…they say it how it looks on paper.

Lemmy: No, if it was “MYster” it would be “mei”. It’s just “mi”.

Steve: Like “THAYmes” actually looks like “THAYmes”.

Lemmy: Yeah but, Kilmister don’t. It’s just “mi”…it’s not “mei”. It’s just Kilmister. You know.

Steve: I mean, “CIA”…

Lemmy: I want to just say, to the Southern Californian audience, my name is Kilmister, not “Kilmeister”, thank you. That’s all from today’s Names Bulletin.

Slim Jim: But what the British don’t get is that the minute…

Lemmy: And it’s not “Fraysier”, either. My middle name is Fraser, okay? Jesus. Like Frankie…

Steve: Yeah, Frankie Fraser. He was a nice chap.

Lemmy: No he wasn’t.

Steve: I know, that’s what I’m talking about.

Lemmy: Very, very (?)

Steve: I know.

Lemmy: Stitched people’s legs together.

Steve: I knocked him out, once. He’s nothing.

Lemmy: Right, yeah…

Steve: Lightweight.

Lemmy: What, swung your guitar around and he was in the way…

Steve: I just stared at him and he melted.

Lemmy: Oh, give him a nasty staring, yeah…(laughs)

Steve: What was you gonna say, Slim Jim?

Slim Jim: That the British don’t get that if they point out that you’re saying it wrong, any Americans, especially New Yorkers, will just say it wrong on purpose from then on out.

Steve: Oh, rully?

Lemmy: Is that right?

Slim Jim: I remember getting into almost a riot cos I kept saying, “Thank you, Eedenburg”.

Steve: What is “Eedenburg”?

Slim Jim: I think you guys say, “Edinbruh”

Steve: Oh, Edinburgh.

Lemmy: “Edinberg”, yes. “Edinburrow”

Slim Jim: I just kept saying “Eedenburg” at the gig and they were getting very upset.

Lemmy: “Edinburrow”. “Edinburrow”. And “GlasCOW”.

Slim Jim: “GlasCOW”

Lemmy: Like “MosCOW”.

Steve: See, see, cos American people are saying it how they see it. “MosCOW’. It looks like “MosCOW”.

Lemmy: Yeah, it does.

Steve: We say “MosCOH” for whatever…God knows why.

Lemmy: It still looks like Kilmister.

Steve: “Ly-shesster”!

Lemmy: “Ly-sesstershire”

Steve: (loud, in U.S. accent) “Excuse me, young Cockney man, can you point me in the direction of Lyshesster Square, please thank you?

Slim Jim: (cockney accent) All right, darling!

Steve: We’re going to visit the Duke, we’ll be right back. We’re here with Lemmy and Slim Jim…Phantommmm.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031 with my guest Lemmy…

Lemmy: Hello children, hello.

Steve: Hello, boys and girls.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Lemmy: (? sounds like Uncle Wasser) over there.

Steve: And Slim Jim Phantom.

Slim Jim: Hello.

Steve: Do you still frequent the Rainbow, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Oh, yes. I have been known to.

Slim Jim: Only when it’s open.

Lemmy: Only when they’re open, yes. Because otherwise it’s so dead…you know.

Steve: I told the Banarama birds that, if you wanna find you, that that’s probably where you’ll be.

Lemmy: See, she was just saying that to be like, one of the lads, you know. (all laugh)

Steve: No, I think they really, back in the day, that blonde one fancied you. You know she mentioned as well, was that other girl you used to knock about with, Ilene of Irene…

Lemmy: Motorcycle Irene.

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Tell us about Motorcycle Irene.

Lemmy: Oh, she was great. She ended up with Steve Zodiac out of…

Slim Jim: Zodiac Mindwarp?

Lemmy: No no. Steve Zodiac, the singer out of some heavy metal band. I forget what, I honestly forgot the name, but anyway she was with Philthy for a bit, you know.

Steve: I had, I had little a sample of…

Lemmy: She gave him the name “Philthy”.

Steve: I think she gave me gonorrhea.

Lemmy: Probably.

Slim Jim: Really?

Steve: Yes.

Lemmy: Probably served you right, anyway, you know.

Steve: I probably asked for it.

Lemmy: Yeah, tomcatting about the place.

Slim Jim: Might as well just have slept with Philthy and cut out the middleman.

Lemmy: With your white vest on and the hankie on your head, Jesus Christ.

Steve: You was, you mentioned earlier that you did, you played a lot with them School Girls, right.

Lemmy: Girl’s School.

Steve: Girl’s School.

Lemmy: I played with school girls but not in the same thing, you know.

Steve: Right. Did you ever have it off with any of them while you were working with them?

Lemmy: I must admit yes, two of ‘em.

Steve: Hmmm.

Lemmy: Not at the same time, you know. I mean one has to draw the line somewhere.

Steve: Yes. One has some morals.

Lemmy: (?) two, though. That would be a breach of etiquette.

Slim Jim: They did “Top Of The Pops” with you guys. Girl’s School and Motorhead.

Steve: Breach of a contract.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Petticoat?

Lemmy: You remember etiquette, don’t you Steve?

Steve: Etticoat Lane.

Lemmy: No, etiquette.

Steve: Oh, etiquette.

Lemmy: You know, what you put over a bed to keep the sheets clean.

Steve: I’ll show you etiquette…(pauses to lift bum to microphone, farts) there’s etiquette.

Lemmy: That wasn’t etiquette.

Steve: What was that?

Lemmy: That was a mouse dying.

Steve: That was, you can tell I’m a virgin though, couldn’t ya?

Lemmy: Yeah, right. It was small, wunnit?

Steve: (German accent) Gudenteiten.

Lemmy: That was just like Frankie (? Sounds like allard) then, you’d better watch out.

Steve: (laughs) Do you know the German word for virgin?

Lemmy: Virgin.

Steve: No. What’s the German word…

Lemmy: Yeah, isn’t it “virgin”, the same?

Steve: No.

(it appears that here that someone has said a naughty word. The conversation jumps to Steve singing a little fanfare)

Slim Jim: I am so happy that I could elicit that response.

Steve: I did that yesterday too. I haven’t done that in two years. It was crazy. Well the German word for virgin is “Gudenteiten”.

Lemmy: Oh…yeah?

Steve: Yeah.

Slim Jim: Wooden what?

Steve: Gudenteiten!

Slim Jim: Oh.

Steve: Don’t you get it?

Slim Jim: (laughs). Wheee.

Steve: Never mind.

Lemmy: You know, it wasn’t that great.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This interview can be read in its entirety at Kick Down The Doors, the Paul Cook 'n' Steve Jones Site at www.Sex-Pistols.net. Here is a link: http://www.cookandjones.co.uk/jukebox_transcription_index.htm