Steve Jones--------------> ALTERNATIVE <----------- Jukebox jive blog.

2010-10-07T03:59:00.007Z

Mr. Jones is returning to the radio on Sundays, 7:00 - 9:00 PM (pacific) beginning on... 10/10/10

with MISTER SHOVEL, too!

Here is an article from the LA Times

Here is a link to the announcement on the station's website with a link to stream KROQ

Malcolm is DEAD.

2010-04-08T23:04:00.008Z

Malcolm McLaren, Artiste, Situationiste, impressario and haberdasher, whips chains bondage, SEX clothing, teddy boy revival clothier and the notorious mismanager of the Sex Pistols died yesterday in a Swiss hospital. He had been fighting a long battle with cancer. I just logged into the social networking and found out...as you do.

A controversial figure. In my narrow experience with the, "what do you think of Malcolm" question I think he was a pretty creative powerhouse myself. Not much more can be said at this juncture in time but I've added in this old, old screen from The Great Rock and Roll Swindle of a cartoon Malcolm going down with The Good Ship Venus...and a pair of his "Dead In England," "Ancien," range of SEX and Seditionaries era reboots. This time the classic 70's trouser. Thumbprint signature haute couture label visible on the rear pocket. Sometimes this stuff appears on eBay. Not that the togs matter but wasn't one of the punk era slogans, "like brain, like trouser." ?!

And also there is this link from the Daily Mirror with a nice picture:

So Farewell Malcolm McLaren, fi the flooers o' the forest are a wede awa.

This site even contains some of our old transcriptions...but this is an excellent piece from Phil Singleton at sex-pistols.net. Slightly disagree on the matter of Ghosts of Oxford Street, loved Buffalo gals, not wrong about everyone blaming Malcolm. I still love the Swindle and know for a fact that Steve Jones likes it too, along with Phil and many other silly old buggers, I can probably recite wholesale chunks of it.

What did Malcolm McLaren mean to you?

My thoughts are with his friends and family.

That is All.

That's enough.

Chris W.as A.non

6 music...

2009-11-20T17:31:00.003Z

So what will happen when Google dies? Will all blogs created in blogspot die too?

Will tomorrow nights homemade curry be as successful a curry as those which we can buy in little plastic containers with lids on? Facebook mode off.

I had some news the other day of import which filled my sour heart with cheer, though getting to hear the show on this old computer proved staggeringly annoying. My good friend Stuart...

The lad with the pencils, (not the lad in California called MM) sent me this. I'm quite sure that he'll not mind me using it to plug Jones.

I've caught only one show so far just from BBC 6 music's quartet of Jonesology. "A month of Sundays." Entertaining Mr. Jones. Its the usual jukebox eclectic mix of the wild and the funny and the monologously phiolosophical from the Pontiff.

YOU DO UNDERSTAND DON'T YOU?

Some things are different with the Beeb. The absence of Mark Sovel, who letds face it had long since stopped being the straight man. The station identifier Indie 1031. The familiar annoying jarring jingles about flogging bubble cars to people down on Long Beach and the interminable adverts for Joe Escalator. Not to mention the House of Everything but blues...

What ever happened to Indie 103.1?

Aaaaaaaaaaaand of course the pants or mustard contests . The tunes are there, no whistling but or strumming oh and the belching has been replaced by moaning and the farting seems to have been knocked on zer head...

I have missed 2 shows...I'm such a silly sausage. I bet YOU haven't? Eh!

What has Auntie Beeb let herself in for? I bet she's never put mustard into her Granny pants!

Right kids?

I have to say that I love it and all the howling Jonesless hordes Worldwide since Indie 103.1 died will doubtless LOVE IT too. So fill yer lugholes.

Double plus excellent those damn yanks have to listen to our crappy jingles instead of Indie 103.1 blather about escalators and Camp Freddy.

We're going to visit the Duke and we'll be right back after...

Next Sunday.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00nt7ky

Chriswasanon.

Rat Scabies or Chris Miller visits the box. part 2

2009-06-10T22:36:00.000Z

My God was it really that long ago?

Welcome back to Chriswasanon, the No 1. sporadic force for transcriptions when the tapes can be had when with quality max renderings of that ancient and now deceased unique Californian musical institution, Jonesy’s Jukebox on the Indie 103.1 station we rewind the very best bits of the old rusting box in the corner now forgotten (sob). Last time we left our one comatose reader, Rat Scabies was saying this:

“Pass me another glass of claret.”

And Steve was saying this:

"... New Rose.We’re here with Chris Miller, the drummer in the Damned and this is New Rose. Take it away…."

Did I tell you about the 30^th anniversary edition of NMTB? Get one, get the poster, frame it, vacuum it, settle the needle on the stylus and enjoy. Did I?

I think that when I posted the first part of that Rat Interview that was happening...and this has weighed heavily with me but then when one receives a missive from the great man himself, one eventually gets one's finger aht and posts...

Part one of this interview is here, or you can scroll down.

So lets have at part two...

Steve: Well let’s hear it anyway. New Rose.We’re here with Chris Miller, the drummer in the Damned and this is New Rose. Take it away….

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie103.1 with my guest Rat Scabies.

RS: Hey, Hi.

Steve: Hi Rat. That was Status Quo and that was Paper Plane. Was you a fan of Status Quo?

RS: N

ot publicly but…

Steve: You was a closet like me, yeah.

RS: Well they did fast songs that was…

Steve: You get ‘ung right if you’d ‘ave copped to what you really liked (“copped,” admitted)

RS: Oh yeah.

Steve: That’s what I say, I was a big fan of Boston but I couldn’t tell anybody.

RS: No well I never went that (ffff) underground. I weren’t that deep.

Steve There was no need for that (referring to Scabies almost saying the fuck) Who was you a closet…

was you a closet Quo fan then?

RS: No I used

to well the thing is back then a band would make an album, there’d maybe one or two tracks on it that were sort of acceptable like. I think my biggest one is probably King Crimson, “21^st Century Schizoid man,” I think that’s…

Steve: Well that is way worse than Boston!

RS: Well…

Steve: That’s nothing to be proud of mate.

RS: I don’t know…I think I need some sort of support group for that.

Steve: King Crimson, who else? Give us another good one.

RS: I don’t know, no there weren’t that much. I used to like quite obscure things like I remember there was this one…

Steve: Harvest?

RS: No no it was nothin’ as bad as that but really I was sort of like a bit of an Who fan and…

Steve: Oh the Who that was acceptable, that was on the cusp of being acceptable.

RS: Well and Alex Harvey, there was a couple of Ten Years After tracks I liked. “Love like a man” was

always a winner and a bit of Cream here and there but…

Steve: He was a great guitar player, old…

RS: Alvin Lee?

Steve: Alvin Lee, brilliant guitar player. That’s my favourite on Woodstock that ‘im doin’ Goin’ ‘Ome is my favourite out of all of the Woodstock, ‘im doin’ that, it’s brilliant.

RS: Yeah I think…I saw him play once at the Isle of Wight Festival, you know the big you know after Woodstock when they English thought they’d have a go?

Steve: Yeah. Yeah.

RS: And did that. I went to that.

Steve: Was Free..?

RS: Yeah Free was on it, like everyone was it Miles Davis, The Who, Hendrix it was. I was like um what fourteen.

Steve: What year was that?

RS: 72-73? (It was 1970. Hendrix died soon after). I was there lookin’ after an ‘ot dog stall while Jimi Hendrix played.

Whilst Hendrix played, Rat flogged zer hot dogs...

Steve: Was yer?

RS: Yeah

Steve: Excellent.

RS: The Good old days, it was nice.

Steve: We gotta visit the Duke we’ll be right back with some more wonderful stories from Chris Miller, the author. Thanks for listening.

They return.

Steve: Belching. Pardon! Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guest Rat Scabies, the author, drummer and er…

RS: Grail hunter!

Steve: And Grail Hunter and thief of old antiquities. You was on the Anarchy Tour, right?

RS: Yeah!

The much reproduced poster of one of those cancelled dates on the Anarchy Tour...

Steve: Who was on that? There was the Pistols, there was Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers and Clash..

RS: And us. The Damned.

Steve: That was it, there weren’t no one else?

RS: No.

Steve: Do you remember gettin’ on the bus at Shaftesbury Avenue? No at round the corner from Denmark Street, didn’t we all get on the bus there?

RS: No we weren’t travellin’ with you lot.

Steve: Oh!

RS: We was in a van. On our own. Lonely.

Steve: Why was that then, why did that happen?

RS: Well…I don’t know. I think there was all this between Malcolm and Jake. I don’t think they really liked each other very much.

Steve: Oh, Jake was your manager?

RS: Jake Riviera and I think that…

Steve: That’s a dodgy name though innit?

RS: Malcolm Mclaren? Eh? Huh.. Well that’s even more stable and reliable isn’t it?

Steve: (Loudly in a pushy salesman-type voice) Hi Jake Riviera, nice to meet you!

RS: At least you know you can’t trust ‘im.

Both laugh.

Steve: Well everyone knows Malcolm.

RS: Yeah but I think that was the things really they were sort of at each other and I think they saw the two bands (Sex Pistols and Damned) as a threat or whatever and I think, you know.

Steve: It was pretty crowded on that bus though…

RS: It was, in fact we was probably better off in the van really.

Steve: Yeah.

RS: But I think it was the money thing really. Cos we were really quite jealous of you lot, we never said that but you had this nice luxury bus and stayin’ in Holiday Inns…

Steve: Well…

RS: …and we’re sittin’ on a mattress on the top of the bass cabinet goin’ to Mrs. Bun’s guesthouse down in Rotherham, you know. It weren’t quite the sort of luxury Rock ‘n’ Roll style that I, you know…life-style I was expectin’.

Steve: Yeah but…

RS: (Both talk at once) But none the less, I , we did do the one show though which was the only one we did with that poster line-up.

Steve: Which one?

RS: In Leeds it was weren’t it?

Steve: Was that the first night?

RS: No it weren’t cos I, as I recollect there was quite a lot cancelled (laughs) left, right and centre..

Steve: Cos of the Bill Grundy show.

RS: Well yeah, the first one was like Norwich or somewhere silly like that (University of East Anglia Student’s Union).

Steve: I don’t even remember.

RS: Yeah, well I been researching it for a film script I’m workin’ on.

Steve: Doin’ another book about the Anarchy Tour?

RS: No I’m…a film about the Anarchy Tour is what I’m tryin’ to write at the moment.

Steve: Oh yeah.

RS: What I’m workin’ on…But yeah that one night though yeah, I think that was the best I ever saw the Pistols cos I…I did see you quite a lot you remember I used to go to St Albans Art College.

Steve: That was really early weren’t it?.

RS: That was…

Steve: …not even a stage.

RS: No, no.

Steve: We all looked like we were like twelve years old. I saw some pictures from that actually at St. Albans, that was incredible.

RS: I know, I know, what were they afraid of?

Steve: I know, exactly.

RS: It’s quite, quite surreal now. But that one night on the Anarchy Tour the band was brilliant cos I remember. The audience was horrible cos it was like mostly journalists and football hooligans and skinheads cos there weren’t many punks around really at that point. But I just remember that because like all the bands were really on it. It was a bit like race ‘orses bein’ ‘eld back. Waitin’ to…you know?

Steve: Play, yeah.

RS: “You can play you’re gonna play tonight.” and then we’d get there and then everything. the gear would be in and then it would be: “No sorry lads, you’re not actually gonna plug that guitar in anywhere. You gotta go ‘ome instead.”

Steve: Yeah that was a weird old thing that, the cancellin’ thing and I think Mclaren revelled in it cos it was all publicity but…

RS: Do you think he did?

You know I tend to suspect he just didn’t know what to do.

Steve: Yeah, I don’t know. (CwA has wondered over this for a long time. Is MM an evil Svengali.

Very early and rare Sex Pistols gig poster , created by Malcolm?

RS: Cos he weren’t ‘appy about the Grundy show, was he?

Steve: Not..oh originally.

RS: He told old cos we were rehearsin’ an’ he was tellin’ the whole of the Sex Pistols off in no uncertain terms that they’d blown their career…

Steve: …until he saw the pape

rs the next day and then (Proclaims proudly in Mclaren- type voice) “ I invented the Bill Grundy show. “

RS: And you know why you got that Bill Grundy show…

Steve: Queen…

RS: Cos Freddie Mercury had to go to the dentist.

Steve: Well he has got a lot of teeth.

RS: And well you can see and…um…(laughs thinking of taking FM’s teeth further into more risque realms) um I’m stoppin’ right there!

Steve: Poor dentist, he had a hammer and chisel. God bless ‘im.

RS: God rest his soul.

Steve: Great performer.

RS: If it hadn’t of been for Freddie’s toothache…

Steve: We would never have sworn on tv.

RS: You would never have sworn on telly.

Steve: What did you think of it, did you actually see it live?

RS: No I was, do you know what we was waitin’ for you lot in some draughty hall to turn up for rehearsal.

Steve: That’s right, in Kilburn right?

RS: In Kilburn and I was sittin’ there freezin’ me bollocks off – didn’t know what was goin’ on, you come in with Malcolm shoutin’ at you and the n

ext day I was getting’ the bus to go and meet up with ? for the tour and you was everywhere. Half of…aside no! Ugh and then bein’…but the knock-on effect was really terrible cos it was like everyone ‘ated the Sex Pistols but anybody with spiky ‘air’d do (would do).

Steve: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

The Sex Pistols did not just invent dissent during the Queen's Silver Jubilee celebrations of 1977 in the UK. as this contemporary badge or pin shows.

RS: I remember on Jubilee day in England it was so terrible, England cos you had this huge wave of patriotism and street parties and Union Jacks and pictures of the Queen everywhere but if you ‘ad spiky ‘air and parallel jeans you know it was like the whole country was likely to give you a good kickin’.

Steve: Yeah, ‘specially the Teddy Boys, they weren’t thrilled was they?

Rat: No

Steve: Most people actually.

Rat: No one was really thrilled, let’s…you know nobody liked us.

Steve: You was goin’ to tell a story about me and then you said

Pause…

Rat: Was I?

Steve: Yeah, was it a disgustin’ story?

Rat: No.

Steve (To Sovel) Wasn’t he?

Sovel: Was it on the Anarchy tour?

Steve: On the road. On the Anarchy Tour?

Rat: I was only sayin’ about how good you were and great and marvellous and wonderful, it’s fantastic, I’m honoured to be here.

Steve. I thought you was (Groans) Ohhh.

Rat: You know I’m not worthy, its marvellous, your essence, it’s just…I’m gonna bottle the sweat and take it home with me.

Steve: You don’t have to do that, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I’m goin’ to let you ‘ave some

right now. False alarm, sorry, false alarm…

All Laugh.

Steve: Um, I thought you was goin’ to say somethin’ like what I did like.

Rat: Well only, I remember when you ordered a lot of drinks in (?) do you remember that pub in Portobello Road we all used to go in on a Saturday afternoon?

Steve : Yeah, yeah.

Rat: We was all in there and you went in and said, “Nah it’s alright, they’re all on me lads.” Then you ordered up all these drinks and while you was orderin’ ‘em you was pissin’ up the bar which was…then to add insult to injury you got them all in and then said to the bloke, “An’ I want one of them off the top shelf,” an’ as he went round to get it…Pssssh you were gone. (Laughs).

Steve: Terrible.

Rat: That was the sort of person you were Steve.

Steve: Is that good?

Rat: Well I don’t know, do you think that’s the sort of thing we want to show the World?

Steve: Is it book-worthy?

Rat: Er…

Steve: Is it Grail-worthy?

Rat: No, it’s not, it’s not really is it?

Steve: OK. Was you ever a fan of the Faces?

Rat: Yeah.

Steve: You like the Faces? This is Rod Stewart’s solo album but it’s actually the Faces playin’ on this one track, it’s all the Faces. This is one of my favourite songs, it makes me fuzzy-wuzzy when I hear it, it’s called True Blue, take it away…

Steve plays some songs. God it’s been so long I’ve forgotten how to transcribe!!! They return:

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guest Rat Scabies, that was Queen, “Keep yourself alive,” from their first album entitled: Queen before that was “Long haired lover from Liverpool,” by um…what’s his name?

Rat: Little Jimmy Osmond of course.

Steve: Jimmy Osmond. Don’t you want to punch is face in ‘earin that?

Rat: I did then, which probably, like ‘ow old would he be now? He’d probably kill me.

Steve: He’s probably bigger than me now.

Rat: Yeah probably but then he was an irritatin’ little tick.

Steve: And then we had the Rubettes, that was one of Rat’s choices, “I can do it.”

Rat: Mmm.

Steve: That was your favourite Rubettes song?

Rat: Yeah, I like the racket on that, went fast.

Steve: Very good.

Rat: Energy

Steve: Almost like a teddy boy song.

Rat: In a way, were they the teddy boy band?

Steve: No, they were the phoney ones, they were phoney teddy boys.

Rat: Who were the ones…?

Steve: They all ‘ad long ‘air and they put their long ‘air up under their caps

Rat: They ‘ad them big white caps they used to wear, that was the Rubettes, that was their image.

Steve That was there hook, there, you know I went to see ‘em, when I was in London, four years ago or five years ago, mebbe before the Crystal Palace thing and saw ‘em at the Hammersmith, no the London Palladium, it was the Rubettes, Alvin Stardust and Suzy Quatro.

Rat: Coo, top night out.

Steve: It was quite funny.

Rat: How was Suzy Quatro?

Steve: She wasn’t that good actually, I was quite disappointed but Alvin Stardust was on form.

Rat: Really? Did he ‘ave the black leather glove with the ring on the outside?

Steve No, he didn’t, he was more like not carin’ about.

Rat: Cos he was the original black leather rocker bloke, weren’t he?

Steve: Well you know he how that ‘appened, he dyed his barnet before he went on and all the dye was on his hands…

Rat: Yeah

Steve: So he put the leather glove over it and that’s how that started.

Rat: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Steve: See most good things start from accidents an’ he put the ring over it, apparently, that’s what I heard, it could be complete bollocks..But that’s what I ‘eard. from someone. Um then we had Rod Stewart from an album, Never a Dull Moment, that was a song called True Blue and before that was Status Quo. No I’ve all ready said them right? Status Quo ones. Um what was I going to talk to you about? You played with Donovan or something?

Rat: Yeah, I’ve just been out on tour with him.

Steve: What was that like?

Rat: He’s a really, really nice guy. I really like him.

Steve: Is he mellow?

Rat: Yeah.

Steve: Yellow?

Rat: Very. (Laughs) Gooh Oooh, tripped over by Jones. No he’s a real, he’s sort of, I dunno how he’s thought of in America but in England he’s a sort of iconic folkie you know the original wandering minstrel and he’s got a lot of respect and you know he made a lot of great records so I thought it’d be nice to do for a lot of reasons. One of them bein’ it was artistically challenging to play quietly and…

Steve: I bet.

Rat: And do a sort of folkie thing rather than …

Steve: Was you Chris Miller on that tour?

Rat: I started off as Chris Miller and then he found out who I was (laughs) and then

Steve: He wanted you to er?

Rat: Then I gradually became, turned back into Rat Scabies. But he was you know, he looked after me an ‘urdy gurdy man was nice and loud an…

Steve: Did he er, pay yer with good ducats?

Rat: Er again yes, the er the gilt at the end of the tour is always welcome.

Steve: A purse of silver for my fine rat.

Rat: (Indistinct)

Steve: And then we’ll go down to the coast and look for dead vicars. Deadpriest.com um we’re gonna visit the Duke, your ‘ere with Rat Scabies, you’re listenin to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1, fanx for listenin’

They return

Steve: You’re listenin to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1, with my guest Rat Scabies. Do you still talk to any of the lads from The Damned…

Cover of the very first Ripped and Torn - ye olde famousse Scottish Fanzine...Bought in Glasgow at a venue back in the day.

To be continued and there's not much left now either...the amount of time it has taken me to input this data has, really pissed me really pissed me off and wanting to possibly Smash something up!

By way of explanation...

2009-04-30T14:44:00.006Z

Welcome back to chriswasanon. The blog about a Sex Pistol or about a demised radio show hosted by a Sex Pistol, Jonesy's Jukebox, lying in a corner somewhere gone and much lamented at 12 bells but never to be forgotten!

This is about being Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Have you ever heard a hard drive thrashing constantly? Well that is exactly what this computer has been doing the swine! as I attempted to edit part 2 of ye famousse and long over due essential instalment of Rat Scabies, visits the box...But it is in draft upon the blogger servers as we speak.

It is not as if I have not been without the time to do this.

That now said, I received a while ago now a request via Stuart Warwick who can be found here http://stuspunkpics.blogspot.com/ it was inscribed upon projected artwork for a new edition of Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail. It's signed by Rat Scabies and Christopher Dawes. These are the co-author's of "Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail." It appears to be a request to post, "my interview..."

It reminds me of the three Johns...only this time we have the three Christophers...

"To Chris Good Name! Christopher Dawes." "To Chris, Post my Interview! Rat Scabies."

See what I mean? Well in the withering light of the investigative flashlight held by Rat, could you fail not to?

Thanks Stuart for wanging this Wigtown way!

CwA!!

Cough cures, t-shirts and cooking...

2009-01-30T13:49:00.010Z

I made this and umm...well you could click on it if it was worthy which it isn't sooo obviously OMG but if you did and got a beeeg one missus (oooh fnaar etc.) and er saved it as wallpaper for your desktop or just simply shoved it in some folder with all the other crap somewhere you could lose it, just like you always do. Yeah, you know you do and why do I know this? Because I do too...

Welcome back to ChriswasAnon, the blog that should be about a Sex Pistol but you can forget that for starters because there is no mention of a 2008 Combine Harvester TouR anywhere! This is not to my mind a huge problem, why cover the same stuff that everyone else does? You know that Phil Jens site www.sex-pistols.net is Sex Pistols No 1. for all inf on the group. But a very special thanks to Stuart W. for the fanatastic Christmas card! Cheers Stu! Gather ye round...drone..mumble..whilst yore old Uncle Chris...drone...ramble.

When I first started to listen to the show aeons ago and was doing lots of fannying around on MySpace, I had this idle hanker for a Jonesy's Jukebox t-shirt...fanx for listening. So the above vectored hack is my tribute as it were. In true make do and mend style. I of course no doubt shared this urge for a Jonesy jukebox t-shirt with at least 639 trillion people. I do not have any sort of cat in hell's chance of getting one. I like to dream though that @the perv's boutique at 430, Kings Road (tell them nothing, you are an enemy of the state) it is possible to just tear asunder ye outer facade interior and Lo! there is revealed the original "decor." Simon Bollocks seemed to think so.

Or is this a little more like the fabled and fully stocked warehouse of mothballed Seditionaries gear from 1979? Well, BOY did buy the rights to the designs. Then the Japanese took away everything else removable years ago. Including Park Lane. Dinnae kid yersel. Watch out for the fuju!!! Puffer fish.

Any way maybe somewhere in an attic or a bijou condo or well just some gaff in LA. Just maybe - there lies a pile of soft cotton, screen-printed juke-box t-shirts in a box or a bag. They're just waiting to be matched to their eventual loving owners. They had better not go into the City's dumpster, right?

Brian who looked like a crusty and was in the UK Subs gave me a Die Toten Hosen t-shirt- more about them in the next paragraph. It was given in turn to to him by Bretti, and was a promo for their album, "Die Gentlemen Bitte Zur Kasse." The people to who you pay up! So why can't I have now have one of these jukebox t-s for the modest collection of moth eaten rubbish? Perhaps you have to understand. Well, Mr. Jones and Mr. Shovel - may they prosper - could set me a tricky task if they wanted to - some modest quest perhaps - to earn the right. Or are my breasts not pneumatic enough or my butt bubbly enough? Shovel knows that I did try to reproduce "Speaking in Tongues," flubble luddle blubble - but it din't quite work in fact it was a bish...it's here somewhere in this mess.

The human mind Holmes it is my contention has a massive capacity for obsession and blinkered thinking....I mean what do we know of this young lady? Not in any biblical sense, you pranny! I would dearly like to know what is going on here? What are we meant to think? Was the lass claiming she had simply nothing to wear tonight for the masqued ball? Probably not? Was she ordering a...four seasons pizza with extra mozarella and aceitunas? Well... could she have been trying to get through to the station in order to win tickets to the House of everything but Blues...?Not that either. There can only be one paranoid explanation! Yes! It was because she was after a bleedin' Jonesy's jukebox t-shirt - the cow! Jealous mode on.

Well I don't know Doris, I think she had enough tat to be going on with quite frankly. As usual with those who have everything, they always want more. Pah! Look at all dat loot! What can you see? Well, there is a blue para, at least 5 Pistols Seds t-shirts, an "Arthur 2 Sheds" worth of God Save the Queen promos, including a Reid flag, some very excellent Pistols posters... Oodles and poodles my loves and to top that - she had on what looks to me like an "original" Westwood - McLaren Anarchy Shirt! Put some bondage on dear and "complete the look." Then she could pop down the chippy and get me a fish supper if ours known as the "Florentine" actually hadn't closed up and had the original Scottish Italian decor ripped out by visionary builders in order to be turned into a bar with a bit footie screen and a pool table installed for the local lager swilling youth.

This "look" is one of a completely loopy noo-nah mad self obsessed fan. Fantastic! Just like me! Tell her she has the wrong answer Mr. Jones, she doesn't need any more t-shirts. Whistle it faster! Hang up on her!

Who was the model in the shot? Did Reid create that set for the shoot? I first saw this picture on a picture disc in the 80's...blah blah blah...

Tomorrow...the Blitz Kids!

Today...Ayurvedic cough medicine!

Take one bowl and one banana and one fork or knife. Mash 'im up man, get that good local honey gathered from hives where bees hang-out no less than 30 miles away from you. What do you mean, you do not have a:

beekeeper handy?!?! OK, then it will just have to be a pot or jar from the supermarket or mall but do,do do try and make the effort next time. Got all that? Good, now go grind in a pepper mill - the one that clothes horse used for the four seasons pizza probly - about 2-teaspoon of black pepper corns into a mortar and pestle which I will explain...

Hmm, this reminds me of that obscure video tape where Charley Harper of the UK. Subs makes a pot of Spaghetti Bolognese. He's come back from the pub with my good friend Lefty..and they are both some-what, "lit up," as they say. Mr.Lefty had a video camera in them days and decided to carri-on interviewing Charley whilst the man cooked some post BEER noshup for them in the cocina, the kitchen, si? There was about half an hour's worth of Spag bol with Harper as I recall. It appeared on the end of a "Non Stick" video tape filmed at the Astoria or somewhere in olde London Townne with the Subs giving it some noisy welly. Videos eh? Back in the day...there was no DVD then you young rip! Nor blue teeth or rays...Now this particular vid is in fact called,(what else but, "Cooking with the UK Subs). It is quite, quite quaite obscure...But fun and worth seeking out if you like to see aging punks quietly making supper - instead of shouting, "Stranglehold on you!" in front of a crowd of elderly people who look like they are hiding from their children and grandchildren for the night.

I have a copy of it but it is covered in thick grease and fat (blechhh). I kept it in me kitchen for 12 years - along with the packet mix macaroni cheese. mmm, tasty! Where was I? Ah yes weird cough meds. And I have tried this by the way and it does work!

...So here's that mortar and pestle...

Crush the remnant of black pepper in 'im as if you was a witch..or a wizard. No need for some of dem spells. Mix up a good dose of runny or set honey into the 'nanas that are in the bowl and then spoon a tsp of crushed flat black pepper corns into bowl. Or two...or three...How do I know of how many invalid coughers you comprise? Just share it all out in proportion to the amount of coughing and bird flu you are liad low with. As many as you like or as little. Then eat it all up nice and easy...close your eyes...slowly...concentrate...now...

Are you on that Higher Plane yet?

Tomorrow Anarchy...

Oh no! Not Anarchy, that's boring. Can we play on the Xbox 360? No, you will enjoy these scanz of a famous Glasgow fanzine from wayback in '76. Now stop complaining and help yer old grandad into his bondage kilt.

I am not doing this only because I have mental problems and cannot stop thiNking about PuNk for5 minuteS, well I am but I'm also more doing it because I have more bits and pieces that I would really like to share. Before that Rat Scabies comes around and complains about one half an interview...and makes me go and see, The Dr. Space Toad Experience with Captain Sensible.

Well it will get rid of that tickly cough...the meds, I mean not the Toads.

I'm so good for you.

edit version 5.

Chris was Anon.

Sifting through some happy memories.

2009-01-29T20:58:00.002Z

Welcome back to Chriswasanon.

What is going on?

Sifting through the rubble...?

Still remember that infamous blog?

Jade has a some great things for you on the Interwebs to read but just to make things clear.

I do not know...at all but Jade has a great, great blog here:

http://slumshollywood.blogspot.com/2009/01/artwork-by-shepard-fairey-thegiant_28.html

Enjoy!

As for the alternative jukebox jive blog - 2 posts here in 4 days. What is going on?

Rat's full interview, unlike long forgotten Moroccan holiday snaps of the alleys of Marrakesh ----->might<----- appear soon and no one is deserting any sinking ships.

Chris was Anon.

2009-01-25T07:35:00.003Z

Holidays in the Sun 2007 and Rat Scabies visits the box.

2007-10-02T22:20:00.000Z

This Rat Scabies "Sex Pistols Holidays in the Sun 2007" post will be top posted sticky for 2 months, Tina - on November 28th it can be moved.

Chriswasanon using ~~Safari Beta 3 for Windows~~ Opera! Well my Firefox Mozilla is bust at the moment. Something to do with Java I think....I'm waiting for Firefox 3 and I hope that the Mozilla foundation will get her done. That's enough boring tech. In case you haven't noticed, CwA blog is a punk blog of sorts and a music blog and at the moment a sort of DAMNED eclectic blog.

Floratina has threatened to dust off the blog. We all think that as do our astonishing army of ooh half a reader (Motorhead - "Lemmy visits the box" sometimes even the dizzy heights of two readers, "John Rotten visits the box"). I reason that ALL have to have a rest from the ole; Myspace, Yahoo, CNN news, ~~Arsebook~~ Facebook, Second Life and the BBC every now and then. We all have lives in fact. Besides the boys are back together again for some brand spanking new UK. Sex Pistols gigs. And if that isn't reason enough for me to keep a promise and post some of Rat Scabies visits the box, then what fucking else is there in life to do?

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. Still the only real source outside of www.sex-pistols net for quality transcriptions of ye olde radio show, Ye Jonesy's Jukeboxxe on ye Indie 103.1 fm cranky olde wireless valve radiogramme stationne.

More and yet more shows have been bolted on to the Sex Pistols "Holidays in the Sun 2007" tour, including a "10th caller you've won a ticket" show at the Roxy club venue. That one sounds like it could be a sort of LA. SPOTS gig. John Rotten thought so too. This machine decided to take a header down the Internet stairs the day the www.JohnLydon.com website link to www.seetickets.com was open. Ack! I eventually got on. Now all that remains is to...wait. I'm off to Manchester Inshallah! Sing: "We're the Pistols, no one likes us and we don't care..."

Yes, I wish that I was going to old London Town for Ane Brixton Academy Gigge but the Manchester Evening News venue is only just down the road from Wigtun, in Galloway. Speaking of Wigtown (briefly,) another circus is back in town. It's the Ninth Annual Scottish National Book Town Festival. There's a massive marquee parked in the square. Media types, loads of cops...Dr Ian Paisley...

Anyway. CwA! would like to advise you that if you are in any sort of a position financially or geographically to get yourself a ticket for a Sex Pistols 2007 , gig, why haver and swither and dither you dipstick? Do yourself a favour! BUY A TICKET.

Ah what do we have here? Well Missus, it's Rat Scabies visits the box. August the 8th 2005. Put your minds, eyeballs and earoles back over two 2 years. It's August 8th 2005. Courtesy of my good friend Mr. MM. Some vintage jukebox. Rat Scabies is guesting, Chairman Steve Jones presiding. Ably assisted by the Very Able Mark Sovel (Shovel) the staion engineer, though he does appear to be having some trouble keeping a straight face. Seems like a hot day outside in LA...

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 on a lovely beautiful California day, 105 degrees, with a North Westerly, Santa Anna, Fontana, blowin’ in with bandanas...all over the manor. Yeeeeah! What was I goin’ to say? What is a porthole?

Mr. S: A what?

Steve: Porthole?

Mr. S: Portal.

Steve: (US. Accent) Portal!

Mr. S: Portal or porthole? There’s two different things.

Steve: There’s space…hole.

Mr. S: Portal.

Steve: Yeah, what is that?

Mr. S: In space?

Steve: Well what is it? You go through it and you go somewhere…

Mr. S: Yeah it’s like a doorway.

Steve: A doorway, what does it mean though really?

Mr. S: It’s a doorway.

Steve: What like there? If I go out there, that’s a porthole?

Mr S: A portal into the…

Steve: A portal into the next millennium.

Mr S: Into the…hallway!

Steve: Right but what is it? Is it something that really exists or is it, made up? When you go through space, you go through a certain place and is that a porthole?

Mr S: Well in Science-Fiction movies it’s a portal, I mean we go through a little…

Steve: So it’s just a fantasy word. It’s not a real word then?

Mr S: Yeah it’s a real word, but it depends how you use it, if it’s in space - that’s a fantasy.

Steve: OK. if it was for real how would it be used? Explain to me how you would use it.

Mr S: Mmm. That doorway is the portal into the hallway.

Steve: OK. (Strumming guitar) I see I’m getting’ nowhere with you Mr. Shovel.

Mr S: But if you’re in space, you’re lookin’ for some kinda wormhole.

Steve: So it’s nothin’…it’s not really…it’s some some flash word, like a New-Age word for goin’ through a bleedin’ door then?

Mr. S: Why are you askin’ anyway?

Steve: Cos I was thinkin’ I saw it somewhere and I’ve heard about it for a long time and a port’ole is a toilet right? Like a portable toilet?

Mr S: Mmm, (Laughs quietly). (Spacey accent) You’re talkin’ about a portal into another dimension, it that what you’re…?

Steve: Yeah, into another toilet. Yeah that’s it, a portal into another dimension. Do you ever see Dr. Who? When he used to go into that box and, they should have one for one of them portable toilets. That’d be the new Dr. Who instead of that police phone box that they used to use. In one of them you know – outside building sites? Like a portable toilet? That’s where I’d want my porthole, yeeeeah.

DR WHO disappears into a space-time continum portal.

Steve: And we’re waiting for our guest today, I’m sure he’ll arrive…

Mr. S: He’s about to come through the portal.

Steve: Oh is he outside?

Mr S: Yes.

Steve: Rat Scabies is comin’ through the porthole? Lets play a few songs and by the time they’re finished Mr. Scabies will be here in the hole of many ports, take it away Mr. Shovel.

After a short set….

Steve: …And in the studio we have Mr. Rat Scabies! Hello Rat!

RS: Hi how are you doin’?

Steve: Jolly good. You’re real name is Chris Millar, right?

RS: It is.

Steve: Do you like to be called Chris or…

RS: At my time of life really it’s about if the other person can ‘andle it. Cos not everybodys happy calling me “Rat.” (indecipherable) Most people do but it’s whatever you’re comfortable with.

Steve: I only know you as Rat.

RS: Yeah.

Steve: Chris Millar sounds almost like, “normal.”

RS: Well the thing is you see, when I first started getting called, “Rat” it was easy to imagine that it wouldn’t really last more than a few weeks and then I thought, “Then I’ll take up me proper musical career,” you know.

Steve: Right. So did someone else give you that name?

RS: Yeah it was ummm, I dunno who it was whether it was Mick or Tony cos it was that whole London SS. thing I don’t know if you remember that?

Steve: Yeah Mick Jones used to come down with us and he had his long hair and the spandex. (Check www.myspace/sexjones in Steve’s pics for a picture of the early Clash).

RS: He used to look like Mott the Hoople.

Steve: Johnny Thunders he looked like from the Dolls, kind of like that.

RS: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah Mott the Hoople.

RS: Kind of long hair and leather trousers and scarves and all that.

Steve: Yeah.

RS: And him and Tony well they were the same weren’t they really, they both had the same look going and they had this well they were tryin’ to put a band together I suppose which was the London SS. And they had, Brian Jones was playin’ the guitar and I had scabies at the time, I was…

Steve: You had scabies?

RS: Yeah. Which is a small cuddly affectionate mite that lives underneath the skin which you can’t see.

Steve: Do you know how you got it?

RS: Er shakin hands with someone - particularly - you know. (Sounds like a very heavy infestation).

Steve: Really?

RS: It’s not an STD (Sexually transmitted disease) or anything like that no it’s just…

Steve: So you had no idea where you got it from?

RS: It suddenly hit and that was it. And I was itchin’ and it had all turned septic cos I couldn’t get rid of it and I kept scratchin’ and they:

“What’s wrong with you?”

and

“I’ve got scabies.”

RS: And I think it was a rather spiteful Tony who said that he thought I looked like a rat while I was playin’ so the moniker got thrown on me there and then really.

Steve: Well then…then you did milk that look. The “Rat” look.

RS: Well yeah, I did my best to be as rodent-like as possible really, I you know (makes smacking sound with lips and teeth imitating a rat).

Steve: (Laughs). Excellent. Oh it’s the same with Rotten. Johnny Rotten got his name because I said his teeth was all bad, they were like “Rotten…”

RS: Yeah…

Steve: And that kind of stuff. It wasn’t no big, you know, let’s sit down and think of names for ourselves…

RS: It’s a London thing really cos you know rememberin’ long names like Lee and Luke is a bit much, innit? Same with Johnny.

Steve: Right. Pete…

RS: Yeah so you know . It’s easier to…it’s an easier way to identify people. Plus it was the dole (Unemployment Benefit) an’ all you know like, cos if you was “Rat Scabies” you weren’t Chris Millar. So you could go and sign-on and still get yer Giro. (Benefit for claimants was paid through the Post Office Girobank cheques system then, cashed at a designated Post Office. Signing on meant signing a piece of paper stating that you had been, “unemployed…and able to do any work but unable to get any,” or something.)

Steve: Excellent, so that song we just played, “Morning bird,” that kind of disco-ey. It says on here, “The Damned,” but you never remember – do you find anything…

RS: That definitely isn’t me.

Steve: ‘Old on. Yeak OK. I’m readin’ the paperwork, it’s off of "Velvet Tin mine" CD. A best of which has got a lot of Glam stuff on it so I’m just readin’’ere a bit about. It says The Damned. (Steve reads off the sleeve notes)…” The mysterious Damned were likely to be one of Mikey Dallion’s? session men…confessions. As the single was released on Young Blood label, its naggin’ riff was half-inched – that means its pinched – from Geordies, “All because of You.” But “Morning Bird” has a Chicory Tip-like appeal. Well they still don’t say…is it the Damned here do you know? That’s weird. I think there’s a lawsuit there mate.

RS: I think there is.

Steve: All 10 copies that were sold, I think you might…

RS: …Reach for my lawyer and go for me 25 cents.

Steve: Yeah I think you might get it. I think you got a strong case there. Usin’ the Damned name and it ain’t even the Damned. So what’s goin’ on wi you, do you er…do you talk to the lads or is that turmoil?

RS: Er. No I did a bit of playin’ wi Bryan the other day.

Steve: Bryan James?

RS: Yeah.

Steve: That was one of the big questions, whatever happened to Brian James?

RS: He’s livin’ down in Brighton, sorta quite ‘appily…

Steve: He’s not broke?

RS: I wouldn’t say he was well-off. But he’s down there in East…There’s a bit of a scene down there with a studio and he does some production and a bit of playin’ ‘ere and there.

Steve: In Brighton?

RS: Yeah…

Steve: A lot of people have moved down there.

RS: Well it’s near to London innit, it’s like…the nearest sea point…

Steve: It’s an hour innit on the M1. (Motorway or Freeway, Autostrada, Autobahn etc)

RS: Yeah not even that, down the A23, you’re there.

Steve: A23 on the…

RS: Train to Victoria. (Victoria rail station in London)

Steve: On a Bonneville. (Triumph Bonneville motorcycle) ‘Undred miles an hour…

Image of a '71 Bonny swiped from www.vintagebike.co.uk

RS: Yeah.

Steve: Er..is he er? What kind of stuff you playin’ like ‘ard rock or…

RS: It’s a new project… I’ve just been asked to do it, somebody just wanted to try their arm (Have a go) at singing really and wanted someone who could play a loud guitar and that, so we got…I got Brian to do it and then we got someone else you might know…Do you remember the Heavy Metal Kids? Ronny Tomas, the bass player from them. He’s livin’ down in Brighton as well so I thought we’d make a day of it by the sea-side and put down a bit of a track.

The Heavy Metal Kids.

Steve: Take yer buckets and spades.

RS: Yeah exactly.

Steve: I play him all the time, Heavy Metal kids, all the time.

RS: Oh, well they did an album a little while ago didn’t they. You sent me a copy of it.

Steve: No that ain’t the same, no I like the old stuff. I got to say.

RS: Well the first album has got some brilliant stuff on it, like, “We got to go and…”

Steve: Brilliant.

RS: Some classic stuff on it but and then…I dunno, they – it was a bit unfortunate cos I suppose we turned up and they were just decidin’ to go into Prog Rock and opera weren’t it?

Steve: Yeah

RS: Yeah and they made the wrong album at the wrong time but “Kitsch” did have a few good tunes on it as well though even though it was rotten. It had, didn’t it have, “She’s no Angel,” wasn’t that one of the songs on it?

Steve: Well that’s on the first album too.

RS: No, no, no that’s later.

Steve: It is?

RS: Yeah now the very first album they did didn’t have any of the sort of like the “Crisis,” “ “The cops are coming.” That was like the second one I think. But the first one was definitely, it was just like more normal songs and like a lot of Reggae things they had on it.

Steve: Well they had that one kind of Reggae thing…

RS: “Run around eyes.”

Steve: I’m tryin’ to think of a play…the list on that first album. Awww but I play it all the time, don’t I Shovel? Tell ‘im.

Mr. S. Yeah.

RS: Well I believe yer, I don’t have no reason to…

Steve: It’s really hard to get hold of, not many people know about it.

RS: It’s not on CD.

Steve: I know this person. I knew made it all fancy to look like it was a proper CD, got the Art work and everything…

RS: Oh right.

Steve: Yeah but on that one they just knocked out, they put a lot of it on there too.

RS: Er yeah, I suppose…why not.

Steve: But they were a great band. I used to see them down the er..Grey…um…

RS: Well they used to play everywhere, didn’t they the Marquee and the Grey’ound.

Steve: No er, place in Fulham though, the Grey’ound.

RS: The Grey’ound, yeah they was always on there. I used to love ‘em, I thought they were great cos at the time you know, that pubrock thing was…there was quite a lot of energy and aggression in it, like the Feelgoods, Lee Brilleaux was sort of quite frightening when he’d be singin’ an that.

Steve: He was great to watch, yeah.

RS: Yeah they were really good and the Heavy Metal Kids were entertainment and they were sort of…in a way he was a bit rebellious when he’d do all that sort of biker thing with the chain and some of the little stories and that.

Steve: Right. Theatrical weren’t it?

RS: It was! And then I think really when we turned up they were sort of a bit of an influence. It was what we wanted to do. But really we were the real thing rather than sort of pretendin’

Steve: Well they were playin’ they were actin’ it, yeah.

RS: They were pretendin’ to be the part and we were sort of there goin, “Oooh, I can do that.”

Steve: But it was still good though, I’d still rather watch them than…watch some blokes wearin’ cardigans,. Know what I mean?

RS: I think yeah absolutely.

Steve: Excellent, we’re gonna visit the Duke. We’re here with Rat Scabies or if you like, Chris Millar and (Sound of cell phone going off). I think I have a football result, one second please. Yes it’s 2 nil. Chelsea are beatin’ West Bromwich Albion. We’re gonna visit the Duke. Thanks for listenin’

A sound sample that sounded as if it came from a Carry on film played? Charles Hawtrey and Terry Scott could be heard. They return after an advertising break.

Steve: You’re listenin’ to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with my guest, Chris Millar.

RS: Cooeee.

Steve: Hello Chris.

RS: Ay.

Steve: AKA. Johnny Rotten.

RS: You wanker Jonesy. (Both laugh).

Steve: Rat Scabies. Hello Rat.

RS: Ay.

Steve: What was I going to say, um…you got a book out?

RS: I ‘ave.

Steve: What’s it about then?

RS: It’s about um, well it’s about me followin’ up this story of a priest who was…

Steve: A priest?

RS: A priest well he had nothing, found some hidden coded parchments, went and got ‘em decoded and then went back to the village (Rennes-le-Château)and was like a multi-millionaire. And decorated the church and bought most of the village that it was in. And like fixed the whole place up and just like had more money than you could shake a stick at and did like over the doorway of the church he decorated it really weird. And so over the doorway it says like, “this place is terrible.” And he goes through a door and there’s like a big statue of a devil there. The whole thing is like (Steve’s cell phone bleeps) this priest had millions and millions. And nobody knew where he’d got it stashed or where it was comin’ from. All of the inside of the church is decorated with clues as to where the gold was hidden that he was gettin’ and usin’for this like treatin’ the village and buildin’ roads and water towers and. It’s just the story was really brilliant and in the end the priest got excommunicated by his bishop and then got re-instated by Rome. So there’s this whole sort of story and background that you know…It’s like secret societies, freemasons, The Holy Grail. It all kind of stems from this one small village in France where this priest was so. I’ve always been involved in it cos of me Dad - he’s a big sort of authority on the subject so I’ve sort of grown up with it. So a few years ago I just, a couple of years back I started gettin’ a mate of mine who lived over the road sort of drawn into the story a bit and then we just started goin’ down there an’ lookin’ in old churches and castles for…

Steve: It’s a real story?

RS: Oh yeah it’s all true. So he wrote it all up and turned it into a book about the sort of the adventures that we had, lookin’ for the loot really.

Rat's book

Steve: Oh so you went lookin’ for it?

RS: Well as much as we could yeah…

Steve: Did you find anythin’?

RS: Nuffink.

Steve: Nuffink?

RS: Nuffink, not a sausage.

Steve: Not even a coin.

RS: Well we did find a lot of other things though like um…it’s a bit like lookin’ is more fun than findin’. Like goin’ down into secret tunnels and rooms in the churches.

Steve: Catacombs?

RS: Well yeah that the priest hid. It’s like there’s this one part you go into the church and you open the cupboard door and then you pull the back of the cupboard out and then you’re in this like room.

Steve: So it’s all dodgy like little…?

RS: Oh absolutely, yeah so there’s all sorts of things goin’ on and then you…

Steve: Any young boys buried anywhere with their bums sore or anything like that…?

RS: Well. Almost certainly at some point but it’s…

Steve: Guarantee, yeah? (Both laugh).

RS: “I feel an annointin’ comin’ on.”

Steve: Excellent. Well how can we get ‘old of this book then?

RS: It’s out everywhere now. I think it’s over here. It’s called um…

Steve: What company?

RS: “Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail.” I think it’s on Thundermouth Press. (Thunders mouth)

Steve: “Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail.” (Laughs).

RS: That’s the one!

Steve: And it’s on what company?

RS: I think it’s Thundermouth Press in America.

Steve: Thundermouth Press and you can get it anywhere?

RS: On Amazon…all the…have got it and all the, I guess the bookstores have got it. I haven’t been lookin’ for it though, I’m on ‘oliday so.

Steve: I’m gonna look for it, is there any pictures in it?

RS: None.

Steve: No pictures! Forget it then!

RS: There’s a sketchy map at the beginnin’.

Steve: Forget it! I need pictures!

RS: But there’s quite big print! It’s not ‘ard…

Steve: So you can run yer finger along it when yer readin’ it…

RS: Yeah it’s not dauntin’ to read you know it’s…simple.

Steve: Is there a hardback?

RS: Errr, no they didn’t do one of them, they just did a big paperback instead.

Steve: What does that mean?

RS: Well it’s not a hardback.

Steve: But what does that mean? I’m not sure.

Click! pic for bigge

RS: Well…you know what a ‘ardback is don’t ya?

Steve: A book has paper and on the outside there’s two other bits that hold it all together. (The earliest books as we would recognize them had wooden covers. In bookselling terms front covers to hard back books are referred to as, “boards.”)

RS: The cover! The cover! That’s the one! That’s the one!

Steve: Right.

RS: That’s the back as we’re talkin’ at the moment and if it’s an ‘ard back, it’s ‘ard. (Thumps Studio desk loudly, general laughter from Rat, Steve and Mark Sovel).

Steve: So paperback is just, like, no, no hard bits?

RS: Yeah well it’s flexible paper, it’s usually slightly thicker, than the insides…Is he alright down here? (Mr. Shovel has lost control and is presumably laughing on his knees on the floor).

Steve: Havin’ a baby over ‘ere, Shovel, look! (Authoritative British Naval Officer type accent) Shovel come on, get up! Man the station Shovel! Ah well, I’m kind of clear, little bit.

Click! pic for bigge!

MS: Not a lot of reading’ goin’ on.

Steve: I’m gonna get ‘old of that. I wish you’d have put some pictures of the church or something in it.

RS: Yeah well there’s quite a lot like that out there already, so…yeah. But we really… it was ‘ard enough with a pen, let alone avin’a camera an’ all. (also)

Steve: I guess you didn’t do a lot of the writin’ down, your mate did?

RS: No! Well….yeah…you’re right, I didn’t write anythink. (More giggling in studio).

Steve: Have you ever thought of doin – why is that funny? Have you ever thought about doin’ a, autobiography?

RS: Yeah, I thought about it, then I realised I haven’t really done anything!

More laughter.

Steve: Well you did this mate! It was one of the best so called- punk songs ever, "New Rose." Can you tell us a little bit about that, when you did it. You did it with Nick Lowe, right?

RS: Yeah, um in um a little Pathway studio down in Islington, eight tracks. Dunno well we went and did it in a day really.

Steve: Had you ever been in a studio before that?

RS: Never.

Steve: Never been in the studio?

RS: Never.

Steve: You went in there…he said, “set yer gear up over there…”

RS: Yep.

Steve: And how many takes was it, do you remember?

RS: No…I…um I think it was probably more than two.

Steve: Yeah.

RS: I would say. We were done in an hour though. It wasn’t like a lot of…

Steve: You done the track in an hour?

RS: Yeah.

Steve: There’s a couple of overdubs on it.

RS: Yeah I think Bryan put another guitar and then they messed about with the singin’ for a bit, cos they do, don’t they? But I was done really, I was down the pub by the time it was…you know…

Steve: What did you think of it when you heard it finished?

RS: I thought it sounded brilliant! It was really like…

Steve: It’s great though.

RS: It was loud…I just sort of went in and I thought, “studios are brilliant cos everything just sounds fantastic!” Then it was like, there was like a proper rush cos I’d never really heard music at high volume through a good system…

Steve: Right.

RS: …Cos like everything at home was Dansettes and that… so (“Dansette,” A close and play type mono reproduction record player) and that so to suddenly be with big speakers and it was loud and ‘earing all these cymbals and it was, yeah it was on and…

Steve: Well it’s a great drum track, the whole track is great, one of my favourites…

RS: Yeah our band was, I think the thing with the Damned was that everybody was convinced they were the best one in the group. It was sort of like having four winners all at the same time and everybody is, you know and…So I think there was always a lot of energy put into individual performances cos like the Captain on this, his bass playing is like brilliant!

Steve: Yeah he’s a much better bass player than he is a guitar player.

RS: I have to say, I agree and I know there’s some people that wont go along with that…

Steve: Well they’re fools and imbeciles and jackanapes and don’t know nothing.

RS: Pass me another glass of claret.

Steve: Well let’s hear it anyway. New Rose. We’re here with Chris Millar, the drummer in the Damned and this is New Rose. Take it away….

LEAVING JUST ONE, REPEAT ONE COMMENT OR A MESSAGE IN THE CHAT BOX (Find it) WILL RESULT IN YET MORE OF THIS GREAT SHOW BEING GIVEN THE TRANSCRIPTION TREATMENT.

-------------> CwA!

To be continued….probly…

W

2007-09-27T11:38:00.000Z

What happened to cwa,well it's been away for a good while. Have you got a ticket for the forthcoming Sex Pistols shows yet. Brixton? Manchester. Maybe I will see you there. Rumour has it and I hope so that Steve will announce some LA gigs for the 30th Anniversary of NMTB.

I am indebted as ever to she who would like to remain anonymous and to Chispa and to Tina for keeping the spirit alive. Winter is upon us at Chriswasanon towers. Another book festival beckons.

I dreamed this morning that Steve and Glen were in the kitchen and that the Pistols were playing tonight in the County Buildings. Google it. I had to make up these posters with felt tip pens and stick them around the town. :-)

Ah well, I've got me Manchester ticket now.

What is that Steve profile pic on his myspace page?

Any ideas???

Where's rat scabies?
Forthcoming?

Cheerio.

CwA

From 5-31-07

2007-06-01T07:39:00.000Z

Steve revisits a song. Don't know what inspired this today...he was so knackered. I hope I got it right.

My New Way Of Living by Steve Jones

And I really enjoy my new way of living
I’m all about not being selfish, but giving
I want to give
just give and give
I don’t want to be selfish anymore

I really enjoy my new way of living
I just want to be open for giving
When I see a bum
I’m just going to give him some
my loving to a bum

Cos I really enjoy my new way of living
I’m really giving love
I’m not being mean
Selfishly mean

I want to give to my favorite charity
Half of my money
I can’t stand being self-absorbed
I’m too (through?) always being alone
Cos I really enjoy my new way of living

I really enjoy my new way of giving
Throw away the chains of self-obsession
I wish I could be open to a new lesson

When I see someone in a wheelchair
I want to give them a hand across the street
I’m not going to be like the old me
Who will push them out in front of a bus

I really enjoy my new way of living

I really enjoy my new way of living

from 5/1 The Nature Of Thieving and so forth

2007-05-03T15:14:00.000Z

Steve: Did Tom put me back in his Top 8 yesterday, after that song?

Chuck: (laughs) That was a good song.

Steve: We’ll see. He probably don’t. I’m sure he’d like to hear that song, though. They’ve got a few songs about that ain’t they, Myspace? Um, that one was the best one, I think, though. That one topped ‘em all. Uh, what else is happening? I was thinking the other day, like I do. You know…your brain is always thinking, innit? Your brain is always doing something. It’s normally thinking. It’s normally thinking about yourself or something, in some form. Do you think about yourself a lot?

Chuck: Yeah?

Steve: You do, people do. They just think about themselves. All the time. I don’t know once when your brain ain’t thinking, about…situations. Don’t you wish you could turn your brain off sometimes and just not want to think, just…I guess that’s what it’s like if you have a lobotomy, right? You just kind of, you don’t think about anything but then, it’s not much else going on as well. That’s the only drag. I wish I had a little button that you could turn it off every now and again, just to have a break, just to stop thinking. But besides the point, what I was thinking about was, you know like, stealing? The concept of stealing, taking from someone else, taking from a store or whatever. The concept: taking that ain’t yours.

Now, when there was cavemen or lets say, monkeys…if you take a banana off another monkey, if a monkey took a banana off another monkey, is that stealing? Like, a caveman…if he nicked a piece of meat off something a caveman had already done, is that considered stealing?

Chuck: Yeah.

Steve: But I don’t think the concept was called “stealing” back then, was it?

Chuck: No.

Steve: You know what I mean? It’s just surviving, basically. So when did the concept of stealing start, do you reckon?

Chuck: Probably when the concept of ownership started.

Steve: Ownership, yeah. It’s a problem, innit, ownership? Yeah. I guess it’s the civilized thing to do innit, once you know better I would suppose. I suppose you can’t blame cavemen for nicking things. There was no rules back then, I guess. Hmmm. Yeah. I just trying to rationalize my own thieving when I was a kid (laughs).

Chuck: Survival.

Steve: (jokey tone) I was surviving, don’t you understand? Fools.

2007-04-26T13:59:00.000Z

Sorry I haven't had many new updates lately. Mr. Shovel really used to egg Steve on and get the "Jonesyisms" flowing. Without him there, the kinds of strange discussions (with made-up nonsense songs to go along with the theme of the discussion) that I liked to transcribe haven't been happening of late. :(

Pushing 250...

2007-04-21T14:54:00.000Z

Welcome back to chriswasanon.

The part of the Internet where we bring to you the absolutely most tip top best bits of that critically acclaimed show, Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1.

Our favourite cartoonist got another buzz when the Sire used his artwork again!!! for his Sire space myspace profile page.

I can now unveil the hitherto great secret.

Stuart has been working on a comic featuring Mr. Jones. The results of that are now available at his separate site.

http://thesirecomic.blogspot.com/

The Small print ABBROGATING ALL responsibility ;-) A deliberately difficult colour to read on a black background has been chosen for this.

Not withstanding the factoid that you understand the undertaking that you make to manipulate your mouse thing by clicking it either once or twice on the link does supplied not in any way indicate any prior concurrence or responsibility that you may find on this site upon leaving us (sob).

........Signature

........Date.

You may want to nip over there sharpish and check that out.

CwA has been busy doing boring serious things, minute secretary for the various alpaca designing committees that he belongs to. Setting up further myspaces to add to the confusion and what with the good Dr. Who facing his old enemies again tonight on my great friend's television, (rubs hands) well the days are just packed ain't they. So what with all that, where do I get time to do justice to this?

But do it I will and it will no doubt be infested with Rattus Rattus and Sarcoptes Scabiei too.

Perhaps the blog pest control agency will need to be called? The very thought makes me itch like a bastard!

Until the next time - sometime perhaps Winter 2030 - enjoy yourselves and enjoy the box!

CwA.

South Park's Jones :-)

2007-03-29T15:20:00.000Z

Welcome back to chriswasanon!

Firstly this blog would like to commemorate the passing of Gidget from the Indie and Internet community. The Indie 103.1 community was devastated recently by the appalling news that Gidget gos to hell had died. Gidget was according to Jack over at the shack the most prolific of the posters on the board with some 5,000 posts. She will be very sadly missed. You can read all about it at Jack's shack. Jack's appeared to mysteriously vanish off the Internet, that is until Mr. Rotter revealed to us that there is a new url for the place. The link on this page has been therefore updated. Yay!

As ever due to the industry of industriousness, the transcriber of transcripturessness, there is lots to see, on the Jonesy Alternative. Thoughts and wisdom and collected outpourings of Steve Jones? That famous ye olde show Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1 FM? We've got the goods!

- There is blogamp to hear the stuff again!
- There is - well you can read can't you?
- There are plenty of pictures too.
Speaking of pictures...

I want to direct your attention to Stuart Warwick. Stuart is a cartoonist with some excellent - amongst other things - Strummer, Rotten and Mr. Jones caricatures. He has set up a new blog. One of these caricatures graced Mr. Jones' myspace profile pics page. Do you remember? I do. Stu made himself known to us here by leaving a comment. He is now working on a comic (under wraps ) featuring Mr. Jones. I have seen scanned proofs of this work and it is excellent!

My advice to you is to have a read here and then.....

get on over there. --------> http://stuspunkpics.blogspot.com/

Until next time...

CwA.

More About Deer 3-28-07

2007-03-29T06:11:00.001Z

Steve: You know I have deer. Did I tell you this? I have deer on a constant basis in my back yard, just hanging out by the pool. Just grooming, having a slash, just picking the gnats off ‘em and just hanging out. And then having a little munch on the ivy. But that must mean that I have good vibes, cos they pick up. I literally stand there staring at them through the window cos they can’t see me from the reflection. I’m like, so close to ‘em and their ears, constantly moving to pick up sound. Like, they’re just constantly like turning around you know. I thought I had sensitive ears. Maybe mine move. I haven’t really looked, when I’m listening for things. Maybe they move. But deer’s ears…oh deer. Your ears, they just don’t stop moving. I love deers, though. I don’t understand why people want to shoot them. Think it’s some big challenge, killing a deer from like, 500 yards. Why don’t you go and do it to a tiger, or something? And then when you miss, he comes running after you and it’s a fair fight. But helpless deers, I don’t get it. And it’s so “macho”, its such a “macho” thing, too. Pussies.
(sings)

Oh deer, what can the matter be
Oh deer what can the matter be
Oh deer what can the matter be

You can hang out in my pad
You can pick the gnats off your back
You can have a slash and destroy my grass
With your piss stains

I love you, deerie
You look so sweet Bambi
Hanging out by the pool area
With the rest of your family

I think there are at least four of you
Two of you are bigger than the rest of ya
That means you must be the children
Because you don’t have any horns

Is it dry up there in the mountains
Is that why you come down to (the)
domestic world at Steve’s gaff
I hope you enjoy the ivy

It’s better in your stomachs
Than for me to look at
Because it looks so very pretty
So pretty so pretty poison ivy

Oh deer, what can the matter be
Oh deer what can the matter be
Oh deer oh deer oh oh deer.

Steve: I’m gonna play a bit of…a mixture of stuff today. I brought a lot of glam, a lot of…I haven’t played glam in a long time but I’m gonna start off with a bit of ol’ Mika. I know…I’m Mika mad but I think he’s a talented little bloke and he has a good fashion sense, too. Even though he doesn’t like football.

I Miss Mr. Shovel...

2007-03-25T22:03:00.000Z

...he hasn't been on The Box for many a day...

The Sword Of Bryan Ferry 3/23/07

2007-03-25T21:35:00.000Z

Steve: I, me, Man Who Can, has the new Bryan Ferry album in his hand. “Dylanesque”, it’s called. It’s Bryan Ferry doing all Dylan songs: “Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues”, “Simple Twist Of Fate”, “Make You Feel My Love”, “The Times They Are A-Changin’”, “All I Really Want To Do”, “Knocking On Heaven’s Door”, “Positively Fourth Street”, “If Not For You”, “Baby Let Me Follow You Down”, “Gates Of Eden” and “All Along The Watchtower”. On Virgin Records and tapes.

I love Bryan Ferry. I’m sorry, I have a weakness for his Prince Charles look. (begins to strum his guitar delicately) He reminds me of a royalty man. Please knight me, Bryan. Put your sword above me, your broadsword. Caress my head with it…(sings)

Bryan, Bryan lay your sword upon my head
Oh Bryan ferry across the Mersey oh
Bryan, you are like a lion
You’re the main man who put the music
in Roxy Music

You big monkey, big monkey
Life of Bryan
You remind me of Prince Charles
With a plum in your throat
And the rights to the songs
that you wrote
on all your solo records

You are the man who can
You’re alongside
Oh Bryan when you gonna come
on ze Box to visit the other Man Who Can

Oh Bryan, Bryan
I love ya

From Tuesday, March 20, 2007

2007-03-25T21:16:00.000Z

Steve: I’ve got breaking news…breaking news. Very important, did you hear? Oh, Jesus. You didn’t hear? Oh, my God.
I’m in Tom’s Top 8!

Chuck: I knew that.

Steve: You knew that?

Chuck: Yeah.

Steve: How’d you know that?

Chuck: I heard about it, so I went and checked it out.

Steve: Who told ya?

Chuck: Somebody mentioned it on a blog somewhere.

Steve: Oh…(sings)

I’m in Tom’s Top 8

Yes I’m in Colonel Tom’s Top 8
You know how hard it is to be
in Tom’s Top 8

I didn’t even have to take my trousers down

to end up in Tommy’s World
and I didn’t have big onions
with a website oh no

Tom, Tommy Boy oh Tommy Boy
How long will I be there Tom
Up with the best of them
Please don’t take me out of the 8
I will have to go to rehab for it

Tom you’re the One
You’re the Number One of the friends
You’re everybody’s friend
Oh Tommy Boy
Oh Tommy Boy
Oh, oh Tommy Boy
Leave it straight in your Top 8

If I Managed England

2007-03-23T15:19:00.000Z

Steve: I could manage England…easy. I could manage Chelsea, too, actually. You just stand there, wave your arms about. What’s so difficult about that?

(sings)

I could manage England football team
Yes I could and I would if I only had an opportunity
I would manage England football team oh yeah

Mclaren, he’s two-bob he ain’t got a clue
You’d be better off with Malcolm Mclaren
Better than the Mclaren that is there right now
He ain’t worth it.

I wouldn’t only manage I’d probably get in there myself
Put my boots on and have a laugh
I, if I managed England football club
I’d make sure that I would take
all the corners and penalties and free kicks
Yes I would if I managed England football club

I would design a new kit it would be legit
and it would fit Double X
Double XL and we would excel
to a higher level on the pitch
with eleven players and a free reserve
and it would be fun and we could go and get some
crumpet after the game

Oh, I can’t wait to manage England football club
It would be all right
Yes I would do a very good job
Better than the rest
I wouldn’t be scared to make some rash decisions
I wouldn’t give a toss I would kiss some ass
To the old fellas up in the Chairmans of the Boards
The CEOs, the money men
The Sponsorship and all that
You know what I’m talking about
If I managed England I’d have a laugh up in the bath
With all the players in the showers
and having a look, who has the biggest knob
In the England squad it would be such fun
to have a look at their willies
World Cup Willies you know what I’m talking ‘bout

If I managed England...

2007-03-16T03:11:00.000Z

MySpace founder Tom Anderson at a SXSW conference on March 15, he chose Steve to be his interviewer.

2007-03-04T22:59:00.001Z

There is a video on Myspace that features Steve in 1995 playing guitar for Iggy Pop as he performs, "Raw Power" and "I Wanna Be Your Dog". I don't know if it can be embedded anywhere besides myspace so try clicking --> here <--to have a look...

Colin H. Christ - February 28 2007

2007-03-01T15:05:00.000Z

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. It is two minutes after twelve bells on a very chilly Wednesday morn. I woke up this morning about 8:30, I went outside just to get a feel of the temperature and it was cold, it was cold. I even wore a sheepskin coat here this morning, that’s how cold I was. Very strange. I guess not…it’s February, innit? It should be cold, what am I talking about? (laughs) But clear, cold but clear. I actually don’t mind it, to be honest with you because you know we’ve got a hot summer coming. It’s going to be, my prediction – a scorcher. Could be wrong, got a funny feeling, though. The climate is changing…

Mr. Shovel: It’s pretty safe territory, to say it’s going to be hot this summer.

Steve: (U.S. accent) And we ain’t gonna get any rain this summer, I predict that.

Mr. Shovel: Hot and dry.

Steve: Hot and dry and sticky. No rain, I predict. No snow, as well this summer. (back to normal) What’s this thing about James Cameron? Have you read this thing about he thinks he’s found the bones of…

Mr. Shovel: The tombs.

Steve: Tombs?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Of Jesus?

Mr. Shovel: And his family.

Steve: Is that possible? Anything’s possible…

Mr. Shovel: Sure.

Steve: I hope he has cos it would throw all them Bible Belters completely into a tailspin if he’s found Jesus’ remains.

Mr. Shovel: I think we’re going to find James Cameron’s remains probably…

Steve: Probably, yeah. Do you think the coffin…is it in a coffin or tomb?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, it’s like a stone coffin.

Steve: Are they saying he wasn’t pinned up on a cross then, or that comes with the cross, in the tomb?

Mr. Shovel: They’re not saying that. They’re just saying that he perhaps was married and had a kid.

Steve: Well, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Mr. Shovel: All the names match the names…

Steve: Oh, so supposedly, as it goes in the biblical Bible or whatever it is, that he was a single bloke and never had it off with anyone?

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: Hmm. So he’s kind of like me. Kind of just…a loner.

Mr. Shovel: Except he never did.

Steve: I’m…saying he didn’t have a relationship.

Mr. Shovel: Maybe if he had lived longer and gained a bunch of weight (laughing) he might have had the same problem but I think it was a choice on his part.

Steve: We don’t know how, he could have been…they didn’t have hamburgers back then. They didn’t have In-N-Out.

Mr. Shovel: Lotta fish.

Steve: Yeah. Lot of seas parting, lot of fish flapping about. Lot of wine that turned from water into the wine.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. And you never know what’s going to happen after that.

Steve: Well, that wine keeps your weight down, it’s a fact. Look at the French.

Mr. Shovel: It’s good for your heart.

Steve: Look at the French, they’re not fat. And look at us lot. Humongous.

Mr. Shovel: They don’t have a lot of fast food joints over there.

Steve: Yeah. So, he drunk a lot of wine, that’s why he wasn’t fat, Jesus. Was that his real name or was that his stage name, “Jesus”?

Mr. Shovel: I think he probably just picked that one up along the way. It was probably something like Fred.

Steve: His name was Colin Smith, probably.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, boring.

Steve: That doesn’t sound right. “If I’m going to be one of these blokes who’s going to be a legend written about in Bibles, I’ve got to come up with a better name. Let me think. Incubus? No, that’s not good. Um, Caligulilus? No, that’s not right…

Mr. Shovel: Already taken.

Steve: “Jesus…hang on…Jesus…Jesus Christ. That sounds good. Let’s run with that one for a little while and see if it sticks.”

Mr. Shovel: It was brilliant to name himself after an exasperated swear word.

Steve: Yeah. He knew that people were going to say, “Jesus Christ!” He wasn’t stupid, was he?

Mr. Shovel: Uh uh.

Steve: He knew how to work the publicity machine.

Mr. Shovel: Well, we had like, Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious, Rat Scabies.

Steve: Yeah.

Mr. Shovel: You know, you’ve got to go with an image.

Steve: All the good ones. Englebert Humperdink.

Mr. Shovel: Incubus Succubus.

Steve: Sting. Elvis Costello.

Both: Jesus.

Mr. Shovel: He was one of the first one-name artists.

Steve: He was the first. Madonna, Sting, Jesus. Quinn Martin in there somewhere. So what’s going to happen to determine if he was ol’ Mr. Christ?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they’re gonna definitively be able to determine that.

Steve: Not with DNA?

Mr. Shovel: I don’t think they have a DNA sample to compare it to.

Steve: Is Jesus in “The Last Supper” picture?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, he’s right there in the middle. Dishing it up.

Steve: Oh. See, he’s eating again. It’s the last one, though. That’s why he didn’t get fat cos it was his last supper. Got it. So he was a virgin?

Mr. Shovel: Well, according to his publicists.

Steve: Maybe they could have sent ol’ Babydol round there to have a word with him, persuade him. He could have been in the black book.

Mr. Shovel: Well, he is. Different one.

Steve: Is he under “Jesus Christ” or he’s got a fake name? Colin Smith?

Mr. Shovel: His code name was “Tommy Lasorda”

Steve: (belch) Pardon. Tommy Sortof. I think we need to get her on The Box, mate. We need to get Babydol Gibson on The Box.

Mr. Shovel: And we should bring her on the show, too.

Steve: Yeah. If anyone’s out there who’s got a contact with her, I’d like to get her on Friday to find out what it’s all about.

Mr. Shovel: You know what’s funny is, once you just admitted to it and said, “Who cares?” all the TV cameras went away.

Steve: I know, I’m insulted.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(later in the show)

Steve: Friday, we have a guest coming on. Do you want to know who that guest is, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I do.

Steve: It is the world famous Babydol Gibson.

Mr. Shovel: I just want to say I don’t know how my name got in that book, I have never met her.

Steve: She’s coming on The Box, twelve bells, Friday. Got to put the word out, the word came back. It’s definitely booked for..Friday...twelve bells, Babydol Gibson. It’s all in the book. I hope she brings me a book and signs it.

2007-02-25T18:48:00.000Z

Ronen just alerted us to this li'l gem, "Freedom Fighter" from "Fire And Gasoline":

from 2/19/07

2007-02-23T14:54:00.000Z

Steve: I’ve got to say, I am enjoying the rain. We haven’t had rain, much rain this year and to have a bit of rain is actually refreshing. I’m kind of enjoying it…hopefully it will keep the summer down a little bit and there won’t be all these fires and I still got a feeling it’s going to be a hot summer.

Mr. Shovel: That’s a new look at the world for you, Steve. Normally you don’t like the rain.

Steve: Well another reason why I don’t mind the rain is cos I’ve got this neighbor behind me and she has a big house and it kind of faces my house, where she entertains, so whenever she has any kind of party or she’s just hanging out...she’s an older lady...she could be a bit Mutt and Jeff-deaf, so I’ve just got a feeling that she has her music a lot louder than anyone normal, with a subwoofer that just

drives me up the wall. And it puts me in a funk. Puts me in a complete funk…it put me in a funk where I called up a real estate (agent) this morning and said, “Do you got anything out there?”

It just bums me out when people make a lot of noise for six or seven hours and you can’t get away from it other than go out, which I didn’t want to do. I was in the Sex Pistols - I can’t even stand listening to music that loud, you know what I mean - in me own house. But my point is, when it rained, for some reason it deadened the noise a little bit so maybe I’ll just create a rainforest outside the back yard so it’s just raining all the time. I was going to build a wall but I don’t think…someone told me that might not necessarily make any difference. I don’t know. I just want to be left alone. That’s all. I just want to be in a house where there’s no noise and that’s all I want. It’s not like I’m asking for a lot.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I have a neighbor who drives me up the wall
She’s got a big subfoofer oh yeah
I think she’s mutt and deaf
And can’t hear as well as I
My sensitive kingly ears

What am I gonna do with this
Mutt and Jeff neighbor
Who seems to get a thrill out of
Having her subwoofer way too loud
So loud I can’t even think in my own house oh no

What shall I do
Fire stinkbombs over
Near her Jacuzzi
Near her bedroom
Stinky stinkbombs oh yeah

Steve: Maybe I can get it out if I sing about it. Maybe it’s a sign. See, a yoga person, a tree hugger, would look at the positive in someone when they’re making a noise. “Oh, that’s God telling you to go out for a walk, do something productive” or “practice patience” or something in that nature.

Mr. Shovel: Why don’t you just bust out the Marshall stack?

Steve: Well, I could do that, but then probably all the other neighbors would call the cops on me for making a noise. I wonder if she gets complaints from any other neighbors? I’m the only one she’s really facing, that is the drag and it seems like wherever I move to, all the houses I’ve been in, there is someone who does something that’s just retarded.

Mr. Shovel: You could point one of those secret lasers that make her burn up at her.

Steve: Yeah. We’ll get one of them at the spy shop. Maybe that’s an alternative. Let’s play on this President’s Day…what is the date today? Is it the…

Mr. Shovel: Nineteeth of February.

Steve: …nineteenth of February, rolling right along here. Before you know it, it’s going to be summer and she’s going to be out in the back yard with her subwoofers REALLY loud then…

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(art by Banksy)

J3 - Jonesy's Jukebox Jury from 2-19-07

2007-02-19T18:40:00.000Z

Alpaka.

Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, there are no songs involving alpakas or kangaroos today.

---> Mustard.

Pants.<---

This week's Jonesy's Jukebox Jury panel:

John Taylor (Duran Duran)

Shepard Fairey (Obey Giant)

Kate Sullivan (LA Weekly)

Bob Lefsetz (The Lefsetz Letter)

(A song has just finished playing and it's time to critique it)

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox Jury. Kate Sullivan, Bob Lefsetz, John Taylor, Shepard Fairey. Kate Sullivan, what did you think of that song?

Kate: Oh, I have to go first again, okay. Um…sorry, not “my thing” again. When it was like, really, really lyrically oriented but without a lot going on melodically and no hooks -- for me, you know, for my…

Steve: No femininity for you? (general laughter)

Kate: They were not hitting my hooky sweet-spot there. But I think I’ve seen this band…

Steve: Oh, rully?

Kate: I think I saw this band on Letterman and they’re so, so aggressively nerdy that I kind of had to end up liking them somehow because the lead guy is so unlikely as a lead guy in a band. You can tell he’s smart and it’s just, it’s just not for me. It’s not rock. It’s not rockin’, you know what I mean?

Steve: I know what you mean.

Kate: All right.

Steve: It’s not up your strasse.

Kate: It’s very cerebral.

Steve: Yeah. Shepard Fairey.

Shepard: Um, it had elements of rock, um…but it wasn’t rocking. Or “rockin”. (Kate laughs). That’s the hipster: “rockin”. I felt like it just wasn’t that compelling in general. It was okay. It wasn’t offensive, but it wasn’t compelling, either.

Steve: Mmmm. So, pantaloonies, I would imagine?

Shepard: Yes. Pants on that one.

Steve: And definitely from Kate, pantaloonies?

Kate: Yes.

Steve: Bob Lefsetz.

Bob: You know, this is very problematic. The first thing I’d say about this record is:

Who. Cares.

Okay, we have gone on, we played eight records so far. Not one of them has been any good. So let’s go to the viewpoint of the listener. They’re listening to the station. We’re doing good entertainment about how bad the records are. But you tune into a station and record after record after record doesn’t hit you, it’s the opposite of the Sixties and Top 40 radio where every record was a killer. Yet we have the people who foist these records upon the public saying, “Oh, it’s great! You’re just an old fart. You just don’t get it”. I mean, I didn’t mind the guitars, but…meaningless and irrelevant.

Kate: Right.

John: He’s not a people pleaser is he?

Steve: He’s not. (general laughter) He is not a people pleaser, Bob.

Bob: That’s not a good way to the (pap?). It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.

Steve: But we’re just, I mean, you know, Jonesy’s Jukebox and Indie, we’re just reviewing songs that come to the station for airplay.

Bob: But I think it proves the point, because all day long people email me tracks. They always want to send you the cd’s, as if I can’t listen online on MySpace or something and they really believe this stuff is good. It goes from everyone at the labels to the promotion men to the independent people. There’s no arbiter of reality. We need you, Jonesy, to be sitting on the top of the music scene and separating the wheat from the chaff. There is good stuff out there. There’s 60,000 albums a year BUT, someone’s got to take 59,500 and push ‘em aside so we’re not inundated with all the crap because otherwise we’d say, “Man, I’d rather watch CSI, I’d rather play the video game, I’d rather skateboard” because it’s too dense. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too crappy.

Steve: Well, that’s a good point and that’s partly what we’re trying to do here. You know what I mean?

Bob: Great.

Shepard: I like to be optimistic about new music but you know, when it’s not great, it’s not great.

Steve: Exactly. I would love to love every song that come at me. But unfortunately that’s an impossibility, especially in this day and age.

Bob: But don’t they tell you when you’re on this station, when you don’t like it, there’s something wrong with you?

Steve: No.

Bob: I hear that all the time. “If you don’t like it, you just don’t get it, you’re too old…” You’re this, you’re that, whatever.

Steve: No, not with me. I just play what I want.

Bob: They’re afraid of you.

Kate: You’re not too old, their music just sucks.

Bob: Okay, I’m going to send the email to you and you (?) to them from now on.

Steve: I know what you’re saying though, Bob. I know exactly what you’re saying. That is definitely…

John: But you know, the Sixties, was entirely different. I mean, Led Zeppelin hadn’t happened yet.

Bob: Led Zeppelin’s first record came out in 1969.

John: Yeah, but you know what I mean…electric guitars and drum kits and its, you know, a lot’s been done and it’s very hard to, I mean, for me, the records that have come out that have really grabbed me have not really had guitars and drums and I’m a guitar player. I do it for a living but I feel I’m some kind of, I’m holding onto something that is fading.

Bob: I don’t want to be too stylized here, but the point is, Clive Davis – and I hate the records he makes – he says, “They have to have a verse, a chorus, a hook, a melody” and these are basics. A bridge. If you listen to some of those great Beatles albums the songs have bridges. You can play in any style of music and still have a bridge. You can have some of the building blocks that make the songs palatable.

John: But it wasn’t self-conscious when the Beatles did it. It was just coming out of them and it was instinct. It’s not like people sitting around like, teams of guys that are sitting in studios, as we speak, thinking, “When’s the hook? When’s the hook coming? It’s got to come to the hook. How long is the hook?”

Steve: But does that happen anymore though? A bunch of guys in big record labels, sitting around, as far as on an indie level?

John: I think so…

Steve: Or do they just let these bands get on with it, cos it sounds like they’re just letting them get on with it.

Bob: If you’re on a major label, unlike in the Seventies when the artists took all the rights back, they have a clause in the contract where there’s no guarantee to put the record out, with almost every record. So if they don’t believe they can market the record, which, on the worst record it’s gonna cost them a minimum of $100,000, more like $250,000-$500,000. They will work, they will put you together with Diane Warren, Max Martin co-writing, whatever and they will rape all the soul from your record.

Steve: Right.

Bob: Okay, but I agree with John’s point: the Sixties and Seventies were like the Renaissance. There was only one Renaissance. But Picasso came hundreds of years after the Renaissance and he did new things. Maybe you can’t innovate quite to the degree…you don’t have the Golden Age and I believe there are certain building blocks of music that we have gotten too far away from. And I don’t care how the guitars sound, whatever. But it’s become about the image and the style. You said, these guys went on Letterman and they had a nerdy look, whatever. It’s like, when you try out for a symphony orchestra what they do is, they do blind auditions. You play behind a curtain. (its about) How good you are. That’s what we should do with these bands. Then people could say, “Well, okay. It’s not about the image and how many friends on MySpace”. It’s like, “Are you any good?”

Kate: Well, I’m curious about you guys. Like, when you were first starting with Duran Duran, was there a lot of label oversight for your songwriting or…

John: No. There was no label oversight. They put us with a producer that they felt could guide us and could help us make a better record than what we would have been capable of, left to our own devices. But nobody ever got in our faces about what our songs should sound like until things started going south. You know and then everybody had an idea and that’s the worst thing. Once you let in one person’s opinion, then you let in everybody’s opinion.

Bob: But the fascinating thing with Duran Duran is, you had your heyday, starting with “Girls On Film” and “Rio”, etc. And then the band splintered into varying things and you reunited and the sneak preview was…you did about 45 minutes at “Acoustic Christmas” in 1991 and you put out a new record and you hit again. You had two great tracks. So after all that time, it’s not like when your starting and you’re trying to get out of the hole, trying to get out of art school, whatever. What was the process…could you throw off all the history? How did you end up with two great songs?

John: Well I think that’s part of - that’s the problem with anybody that’s been around for awhile. It’s like you want to hold onto the core of what you are, whatever that is, assuming you know what that is. But then...you want to make something that plays in the marketplace, right? That’s sort of like, that speaks to…whatever it is that’s out there and I think that’s the line that you have to walk.

Steve: But didn’t you do that process the second time around? “Oh, we need a single. Oh, we need this, oh, we need that…”?

John: Well very much so. I mean, we hadn’t played together for ten, twelve years. I mean, I learned how to play bass with that drummer you know, and I felt that, and everybody needed to play the way that they used to play for each of us to play the way we played, if you know what I mean. It’s like, if the drummer comes back and says, “No, I’m not that drummer anymore, I’ve been listening to Chad from the Chili Peppers…”

(whatever he was saying had to be dumped from the live broadcast by Mr. Shovel)

Steve: You would have to swear wouldn’t you, John. You would have to swear.

John: (Continues, unfazed) It’s tricky. I mean, the smartest bands like U2 have very clever people around them saying, “Why don’t you try working with this guy” and “Why don’t you try working with that guy?”

Bob: I’m actually down on U2. I loved “Achtung Baby” which was completely different from anything that they’d done previously and I believe they’ve been playing it safe…thereafter. But if I go to your record that came out in ’92 I believe it was, you had that song, “Ordinary World” which was (a) phenomenal record. Didn’t sound like anything you’d done before. How did you come up with that record?

John: Just…throwing stuff up against the wall, you know. You just show up and you write and you write and you write and you try to write a song every day and then hopefully one of those songs, people go, “Oh, I like that one”. In fact, that was the first record we made where…we had to go to the record label every week and play them what we’d done and if they liked it, they’d write a check for another week’s studio time (all react with laughs) because we’d just blown so much money. I mean, we made a lot of money the first three albums and then we completely lost our way and we spent sooo much money making really crap records. So they said, “Okay well, this time we’re going to keep you on a tight leash” and...when we wrote that one they said, “Okay, here’s the check for the rest of the album.”

Bob: I have this radio show and we had this guy John Boylan who produced the Boston records…

Steve: Just before we go too far off track, are we giving it a pants or mustard? The band was called The Hold Steady.

Bob: That’s a very hip band. People have really good things to say about them, but not me.

Kate: Pants. Pants.

Steve: Was that the band you thought it was (indecipherable, Kate speaks over him)…

Kate: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I regret talking about their look because I hate bands that look like nerds. I like bands that look like Duran Duran that look super cool.

John: Is there an actor in that band?

Steve: An actor? I don’t know.

Shepard: No, that band used to be Lifter Puller. They’re from Minneapolis and they were more of a punk band and now they’ve kind of gone in this kind of more classic rock direction that seems to be working really well for them but it hasn’t really resonated with me.

Steve: I just want to know one thing. All the bands we’ve been critiquing, lets just say Pearl Jam for instance, if Eddie Vedder was sitting in the corner would we all say the same things or would it be slightly more polite?

John: Oh, come on…

Bob: Absolutely. I would say the same thing. I’d love to get into it with Eddie Vedder.

Steve: So you’d be like, so you’d say exactly the same thing…

Bob: This guy is rich. He can get laid every night of the week even though he happens to be married and me, little unknown person in Santa Monica has to be worried about what Eddie Vedder has to say?

Steve: So you wouldn’t care if he was standing in the room, you’d say exactly the same thing.

Bob: No, because as I say, what you find with these people, they do one of a few things. Either they try to you know, intimidate you, or else they kind of laugh along. That’s what you have to do when you get…that’s what America…England really specializes. When you get to the top people try to tear you down and you have to have a sense of humor about yourself or you can’t make it and that’s what we hate about Eddie Vedder. He’s got no sense of humor on himself and even though he doesn’t have one, I’m gonna still try to make him have one.

Steve: Yeah…you’ve got to be light on yourself. You know what I mean? You’ve got to be able to take, making fun of yourself. That’s what I think, anyway. Good point.

Bob: But if Eddie Vedder were here, would you be honest?

Steve: I didn’t hate it, I didn’t hate the song. I’ve actually had him on the show and we did an acoustic song that was really good and his voice, I actually thought when we sung acoustic I thought his voice was very heartfelt and I don’t think it was phony. I really thought he had a good heartfelt voice so I’m not going to slag him off. I like him.

Bob: Isn’t he just Sting (but) twenty years younger?

Steve: Um, I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Bob: Don’t people hate Sting just as much as they hate Eddie Vedder?

Steve: I don’t think so, I don’t think so.

Shepard: I like The Police. The Police you know, within the punk paradigm were hated but I really liked them within the pop paradigm, even though I was more of a punk rocker. They were a pop band I loved. I think The Police are good songwriters.

Steve: He’s coming on The Jukebox Wednesday, Andy Summers.

Shepard: You know, one thing I have to say about all this, whether your critiquing or making…it’s easy to criticize. But to make art I think that whether it’s music or visual art you just have to trust your instincts and you have to feel, you have to feel good about what you’re doing and then you know, maybe the peanut gallery hates it but you really have to trust your own sense of whether you accomplished what you want and I think that when you feel good about it is the only time that it’s going to work for other people. When you second-guess yourself, you fail.

Bob: I totally agree with your concept but the first half of what you said, saying “it’s easy to criticize”. Most people are crap and you have to know inside whether you’re good or crap and if you’re good, if you’re in the league, a professional, follow your instincts, okay? But just because you made something…you know a four year-old makes something with all his power, doesn’t mean it’s good.

Steve: Do people not like you, Bob?

Bob: People love me. Love me. Because I’m speaking the truth. We live in a society where everybody’s kissing butt. You have a boss. Everybody’s got a boss, no one can speak the truth. That used to be the rock stars. They used to go around…now the rock stars are phony people. Even the hip hop guys. They make deal with corporations, they’re doing all these endorsements, you say, “I can’t believe in that guy, I’m struggling in my real life”. So I’m saying what people think. Maybe they only say it in bed to their wives or girlfriends but this is what people think.

Steve: Who did you look up to?

Bob: You have to look up to Bob Dylan because of the lyrics in some of those songs. I do not like the new music, I don’t want to go see him again because he changes his stuff but he’s great. I think, if we’re talking about people…Sting’s a phenomenal song writer, I don’t want to hear him going on about having tantric sex for seven hours.

Steve: I don’t either. I just want ten minutes, I’m done. Kate, what do you think? Last couple of words.

Kate: I pretty much agree with everything that Bob said but I think you can be outrageous and honest and still be stylish. And kind. And that’s what I wanna be someday.

Steve: Right. Well, I want to thank you lot all for coming by. That was really good and uplifting, exciting. Hopefully next time we can have some more famous music (that) we can critique. I mean, a lot of them was like, unknown bands. I think there was only two on here that anyone knew, maybe. Goldfrapp and Pearl Jam. But nevertheless, that was the second Jonesy’s Jukebox Jury and I appreciate you guys coming on a holiday, President’s Day, when you could be doing better things but it’s good. So we are gonna sign off now and start Jonesy’s Jukebox mometarily. Thanks for listening.

One more time!

2007-02-13T16:04:00.000Z

Welcome back to chriswasanon! Best viewed on a Firefox browser probably or Linux or anything but Internut exploder 6 where it looks like cac quite frankly my dear. On my brother's XP machine it certainly does look bizarre.

This post is about anniversaries. In it I will attempt to show through subjugating this, coming to terms with that and underlining the other the following factoids.

Anniversaries are such boring things aren't they? After all, last year we had the 30 years retrospect of the tea time Sex Pistols Grundy swearathon shocka. Now this year it will be 30 years since GSTQ caused such a furore amongst the staid boring old status quo in Britain. It's a funny old world where a man can sing, "No future" and 30 years later..is this what we imagined?
Bloody computers! I don't see Electric cars in the sky and the Internal combustion engine if it stays in polluting pole position will in a matter of only 10,000 years be more successful than the horse, probably...at least you could grow tomatoes with their shit! However it did take you 42 hours to get from London to Edinburgh by stage coach in the 1820's. Off topic Off topic!!! :-(

Once upon a time there is a radio station called Indie 103.1 fm beaming out of LA area a show called "Jonesy's Jukebox." It is hosted by Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones. He plays what he likes in a loose guest/cd format. Now, not only can you get this show in your kitchen or home in the LA area but it also (Bonus!!!) is streamed over the Internet. Which means that oiks like me in Schottland can listen too.

The Internet is communication. Web logs or blogs yeah?

"Today I got up and looked out of the window and then had a shower..."

That's pretty boring isn't it? Blogs! With something completely different in mind, this JJ. show rather uniquely on the Indie 103.1 fm website took the decision to have a huge message board blog where it's host Steve Jones Los Sex Pistolero el Hombre! could post a thematic starter comment or observation which ALL and sundry were invited to respond to by having access open to all.

Each of these threads spawned replies. They began quickly to snowball. From 37 comments to something like 3000+ comments over the short period of Bambi's life. When did it start Flo? Insert answer -----> here: September 15, 2006.

Private conversations sprung up between posters. Myspace urls were exchanged, friendships forged with yet more chatter and so on and so on. Underpinning that confluence of online music fan humanity there was a stream of consciousness snapshot of the show, consisting of comments on the music, the host, the guests, the adverts, the Shovel - the transcriptions requested, everything.

What happened?

The radio station remains, and like for sure, the show is still Steve Jones' Jukebox but that thing called the Steve Jones Blog which this blog owes it's very life to...is dead.

Cast your minds backwards to 16 Feb 2006. The new blog - "How dare you defy?" had just been created. As a question "how dare you defy?" was probably a tad more challenging than "etc." eg. which had been another topic that Steve set. Or "Carry on." Looking back in the archives of this blog (chriswasanon) it was a matter of 2 days later that the Steve Jones Blog on Indie 103.1 died a permanent death. Killed by person or persons unknown. Here's what it looked like back in the day preceding lock-out and mass extinction and before it went offline temporarily.

Ahhhhhh - bless it!

The image is very likely the copyright of Indie 103.1 FM. But I thought you'd like a look back.

You clicked on the red text. In you went to interact with such a bunch of souls blogging the show as it was being broadcast and after. These people I called the Blogstars. Though Steve as Flora said here somewhere was, "the real star. " Some of them posters names have vanished into the ether, ne'er to be seen again. Some of them may have been"sock puppets," people do like having conversations with themselves. No they don't! Yes they do! Some of which were probably famous peoples...probably. Some of which were Me and You, who knows? One more time? Positively the last time!

Rotter was there, Floratina was there, Pie was there, Stuart was there, JR. was there, IrishScots was there, Alison was there, Jewell was there, Jade was there, Scottish Toodler was there, Ramona was there, Shloemoe was there, Minx was there, AC. was there, Chispa was there, Tricky was there, NYC Gail was there, Gidget too. Nevah. This is that hall of fame. Many many more regulars and once onlys much too numerous to mention. If I missed you etc.

No INVITATION required.

So what? Sometimes the chat got a bit rude and perhaps it descended into typed Anarchy and could get quite messy at times but there was and has never been anything since like it. Our chatbox is a mere mimic of it and you are most welcome and I don't care who you are - to leave a comment.

With the myspace group there seemed little point in CWA blog carrying on. This blog grew to exist merely to comment on the Jones bloggers. When you take the online party away, what's left? The transcriptions! So Lo Floratina joined me here to post the terrific transcripts that this little corner of the Interweb has become World Famous for... probably. Here they all are, all the guests from nearly a year with positively the very best bits of Jonesy's jukebox transcribed.

On that matter anyone who tells you or believes that transcriptions were a major problem on the Jonesy's Jukebox blog is speaking out of their tin-foil hat.

So on the vague idea of some kind of a boring anniversary happening, CwA would like you to remember the way we were and where we are now.

Cos CwA blog stayed open!

Speaking of anniversaries, that are not boring, Jonesy's Jukebox has now been on the air for three years, it passed it's third birthday on Feb 10th. 2007. Stuart commemorated things over at his bit with his 3rd birthday party cake and controversial ex Steve Jones blog regular Miche and Indie junkie has posted her view of things here . Newbies only.

Maybe things really aren't so very boring after all...

RIP. Steve Jones Indie 103.1 Blog.

Happy birthday Jonesy's Jukebox!!!

Lively up yourself!

Chris was Anon.

From 2/6/06 Enjoyment All Over

2007-02-07T07:41:00.000Z

Steve: I did tell you that the clocks are going forward earlier this month…didn’t I, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: No…

Steve: Yes.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, you did.

Steve: Starting in March, as opposed to the month after March. What’s the month after March?

Mr. Shovel: April.

Steve: That’s when it normally goes (?). It’s going (?) in March.

Mr. Shovel: Why do you suppose that is, Steve.

Steve: I’ve no idea. Maybe cos of global warming, we’re all going to die in a couple of years, trying to get more hours sunlight in? I dunno. Maybe the farmers are unhappy because they’re not making enough stuff, because of global warming? It’s funny that they are moving it forward, innit? It’s never been done before, has it? Have you ever noticed that? It’s got to be something like that. I think, slowly, people in (the) mainstream are slowly acknowledging the fact that there might be a problem with the weather, cos there’s a lot of drastic stuff that’s going on. It’s not just storms and heatwaves, it’s like drastic. You know what I mean? What’s that big one they just had, where was it? Didn’t some big thing happen down South?

Mr. Shovel: Florida.

Steve: Florida.

Mr. Shovel: Tornadoes. Not tornado season.

Steve: Yeah…I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be roasting in L.A. this summer. Just a hunch. And everyone’s going to have their air conditioner on…and the power’s going to go out and everyone’s going to be miserable. But will we do anything about it? No, because we like our modern conveniences. It has to be a governmental procedure. Things have to be mandatory. Chinese are going to be the ones though. They’re really going to make that hole bigger…cos they want to be like us, (like) the U.S. has been in the last fifty years. The Chinese want to have appliances, all the good things that we’ve had. And there’s a lot of them. And they’ve got a lot of money now. (sings)

Oh, I really enjoy
My new way of livin’
Yes I really enjoy
the Chinese new way of livin’
and the joke is on me…

(channeling Jerry Lewis)
oh, I really enjoy myself laydeee
I enjoy oh yes I enjoy, joy joy to the world
Enjoyment all over the world…!

Punk Pathetique

2007-02-01T12:20:00.000Z

Current mood: a damned eclectic blog

I'm hoping to see a pic or two of Rotter performing his "Stage of rage," at some point. Meantime to get us in the mood for such, here's a pic of me with my tattoed and inked good friend Lefty Maximus Decimus Meridius. I'm fronting Splodgenessabounds for one night only at the Cas Rock in Edinburgh. Lefty says that it his one of his favourite pics and mebbe you agree. It was an extraordinary gig. Max Splodge lost his voice completely. The audience took an instant dislike to us apart from a couple of blokes. Also attending were Robbie Rushton from the Crybabies on Drums, and Honest John Plain from the Boys on Guitar. The chap wearing the Holiday in Mongolia T-shirt is Steve from the Exploited on back up vocals After the gig we all went back to my bit and Max took his clothes off and borrowed a kilt. We are either performing "two pints of lager and a packet of crisps "or "two little boys," in this pic. I can't remember. Lefty as you can see is giving it laldy and so am I, or some welly at any rate.

No further news on these Sex Pistols gigs this year yet.

Sad to say that the "Killer rocks on," is no longer making Seditionaries and assorted other punk tees. So that's a dead link :-( ------------>

Tina will be back soon but until then there's always "Jonesy's, Jonesy's Jukebox." so..."Don't be a mug!"

Chris was a Splodger.

from 1/24/07 - Dodgy Lodging

2007-01-26T16:31:00.000Z

In this episode Steve tells us about his trip home from Sundance.

Steve: We left after the show (the live remote Indie broadcast), me and Dougie. We drove, got out of there. Stopped for something to eat and then just drove and drove…and then there’s that time change when you leave…at one point there’s there like four states all close to each other and there’s that hour time difference going back and forth, I don’t know how that works.

But anyway we was coming down into Vegas, it’s the most beautiful, if you come that way ‘round at night, coming into Vegas, it’s amazing. It’s so beautiful. It’s different than coming the other way from L.A. to Vegas. My gut feeling was to just keep going, driving cos I was up for doing it and Dougie’s like, “No, no…let’s stay in Vegas you need to rest. There’s no rush to get back, you got tomorrow off.”

And so we tossed a coin. Heads, we stay in Vegas. Tails, we keep going. Now, what he told me this morning, he lied, it was tails. That meant we should have kept going and because we didn’t get going, we stopped at the Hard Rock. It was full-up. I went to the counter. This is like, twelve at night. Went to the counter - it was full-up, it was crowded. When we parked in the parking lot, all the lights were on in the rooms. But I could have probably got a room, seeing that they have all Sex Pistols on the blackjack tables and Sid Vicious one-armed bandits and whatnot.

I walked up to the woman, the woman says to me, “Yes?” I said, “Is there, do you have any rooms?” She goes, “Not in the front, only suites”. I said, “How much is the suites?” She goes, “Hold on a second…” she’s typing away. She goes, “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we have nothing.” You know, I forget what I’m looking like. I just drove for like eight hours, I look like the Unabomber and so I think she’s panicking and didn’t want me to stay there. Now I could have made a fuss and said, “Don’t you know who I am, young lady?”

Mr. Shovel: Your quote’s up on their…your misquote…

Steve: “The only notes that count are the ones that come in wads”. That’s me, lady.

Mr. Shovel: That’s up over the door.

Steve: Yeah, I couldn’t be bothered, though. I probably looked scary cos I had me hat on and…I had the Unabomber look going, the beard thing. She said, “I would suggest you go across the street.” So we went across the street to some dump. Dougie wanted us to stay in there. He got the room. We drove…one of them big complex places, you know? Like a mile. You go around the back and it’s all dodgy. I didn’t want to leave any of the stuff in the car.

Mr. Shovel: This was a Monday night.

Steve: Monday night. This place is dead, mind you. But it’s…you go into the room and it’s…you think like, you know, Ike Turner’s gonna come out of the closet with a crack pipe, it’s one of them kind of places. And the sheets were like just, oh…it was just wrong, man. And there was like, holes in the walls and…the thing that really put me off, one of the windows were like cracked open a little bit? I think that was done deliberately so that when you’re akip in there someone can get in. It was like something out of “Cops”. It was like a room when you know, when “Cops” go in them rooms and arrest people. It was like one of them. I’m like, “Dougie, I’m not staying here.” So we got out. Then a plane went by. You could see the people in the plane, that’s how close the plane was, you know what I mean? It was just wrong, it was a wrong place anyway. I was just, “C’mon. I’m gonna drive. I’m not staying here. I won’t be able to sleep here", it was too weird.

So we got back on the freeway – (we'd just) wasted an hour. All this time…wasted an hour. Stopped at the gas station, filled up. They had a Starbucks there, a 24-hour Starbucks and I had a four-shot latte…and got going and then just drove all the way back. Got back about four in the morning. My eyes were coming out me head. That is weird. And he’s akip in the back of the truck…

Mr. Shovel: That means “asleep”, right?

Steve: He was asleep in the back. When you’re by yourself up there, your mind plays tricks on you and you get the ole white light and the…it’s just weird. I’m sure it does your brain cells in cos you have to concentrate so much, you have to stay awake. So we literally drove for like, fourteen hours, nonstop. I got to bed at about four. I woke up at seven, all like, freaked out, you know? Just kind of a vulnerable feeling. I can’t explain it. I guess it’s travel, you know…and I just got up, I had a cup of tea and I just went back to bed. Didn’t wake up ‘til like, two o’clock, perfect time. (the time his show ends) I could have come in; it would have killed me. Anyway, you wouldn’t have got a great story like that if I would have come in.

Mr. Shovel: So why’d your buddy decide to tell you he lied?

Steve: Cos he wanted to stay. He thought we should have stayed and slept…but it all went wrong – see? See what happens? I say, tossing a coin? That’s how God wants it to be.

Mr. Shovel: It says, “In God We Trust” right there on the coin…

Steve: Exactly! It says it on all money. You toss it, “In God We Trust”. God was right. He wanted us to keep going. But he – Dougie – got silly and took God into his own hands and it all backfired. He defied the Laws of The Pontiff. (inhales dramatically) He must never defy again.

Anyway, I had fun up there, it was good. The show was good. You’ve got to be doing something up in Sundance, though…if you’re sitting on your ass, it’s a waste of time if you don’t ski or snowboard. Lot of birds up there. It gives them a legitimate reason to wear Ugg boots, I’ll give ‘em that much. It’s the only time they should. Don’t wear them in Malibu in the summer. Ugg boots work well up in Sundance. All the different type of models Ugg boots you can get now, there’s so many, you know. They’re like caveman boots, some of them, all the fur hanging off them and whatnot. Funny. There was a bunch of movies…the ones I was talking about…the bird with the teeth in the minge?

Mr. Shovel: (laughing) Yeah…

Steve: I want to see that.

Mr. Shovel: It’s right up your alley, isn’t it.

Steve: Right up my strasse. I want to see that, and I want to see the one with the bloke who liked the horses, fell in love with the horses.

Mr. Shovel: It seemed for some reason that the stuff that was hot were the films that, you know, were really bizarre perversions.

Steve: Yeah, cos you think, are they just putting these movies together just to get attention, or is there some genuine…is this what people do? I mean, do blokes fall in love with horses and have it off with horses? Is it like, a “thing”? I mean, I don’t know if it’s about bestiality or it’s about, if it’s like, a thing, that these blokes love horses and they want to get rumped by horses.

Mr. Shovel: For next year’s festival, people are going to go out of their way to you know, make a film about a guy who puts furniture in his rear end or something.

Steve: But this is fall in love with a horse, I think. Live, loving a horse. I don’t know. I want to see it. (sighs) Should we play some rock and roll? I’ve been talking here for so long. Take it away, Mr. Shovel…

Swag

2007-01-25T16:01:00.000Z

Here's a little song from Steve yesterday...

I got a free electric toothbrush

And a pair of Wellington Boots

Took my picture holding up in store called Roots

What does it mean and where is it going?

What is the purpose of that photograph holding a

new scarf from Fred Segal

Fred Segal’s Fred Segal’s

The the Segal’s the Segal’s

And vultures

Oh as I swagger in the swagshop

I don’t see much that I would buy if I was in L.A.

but because it’s in Sundance it seems more appealing

Why would I take this gear

This worthless load of crap

I don’t understand how it is played out played out

Swagger me in

Swagger me in roses swaggerly...

More Sundance pics

2007-01-23T16:00:00.000Z

in addition to the ones a couple of posts below...

Steve interviews Steve Buscemi, Julien Temple and John Cusack

2007-01-22T18:24:00.000Z

Hup hup hup. Welcome back to chriswasanon. Isn't Steve looking well in these pics. Great.

Fit and healthy I'd say.

Now it would be fair to say it near made me wee myself when I found out that the SP's
would be doing 3 gigs this year.  If these go well, I can't see a reason why there might not be some US dates too.  We'll see...

We just don't know how far things have progressed. Steve will be doing a show from Sundance todaynight which promises to be a good one. We could do with a sundance or two here weather-wise. Quite an extended Christmas break this year for me. As per my good friend Floratina keeps things sailing along and without her this blogulike would be a thing of vapid nothingness.

I'd say...wouldn't you?

I took the opportunity whilst in the lost land of very few computers to ride me electric bike (it's not that great, a 20 mile range and the battery is heavier than a lead dustbin full of gold bricks).

Catching up on old friends. 5 years since.  Drinking gin and tonics, gynntonnyx right Quean?Until dawn.

I'm not so sure about the new blogger neither Stuart. Not so.   The Internest is a duller thinger withouter Rotter too. Lets keep our fingers crossed and legs that Morrissey and Beckham and his fashionable WAG the former Spice nice get on the Steve show too. Yes there's lots to look forwards too. Now check out those pictures below.

CwA

Steve At Sundance (updated 1/22)

2007-01-21T19:58:00.000Z

Hot off the press...

Steve and Julien

Steve and Dougie

with MySpace Tom

hand treatment to make those big mitts lithe and supple

with aromatherapy?

Alexi Lalas Visits The Box 1-17-07 Updated 1/19

2007-01-18T16:13:00.000Z

I've added some more, including the part where Steve mentions that possibility of the Pistols playing some shows (none in U.S., sorry) this summer...

(The opening theme ends and we hear notes being played on a guitar)

Mr. Shovel: (Doing a very convincing impression of The Sire, right down to the usual guitar notes) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031. (a couple more notes) Uhh…knackered. (laughs, then speaks as himself) That’s your cue to walk down the hall, c’mon! (laughs and plays a few more notes) How ‘bout we start it all over again…? (then we hear the entire opening theme music run through all over again. It’s all very Monty Python…all they need is a “larch”.)

Steve: (again with the guitar notes) Comin’ ta git’cha (laughs) You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox. It’s five after twelve…what’s going on here? Here’s me hanging around and nothing’s happening. (laughs) No, I was in the hallways just kind of like, looking at walls and all of a sudden I look at the watch and realize it’s five after twelve. Oh, it’s a funny game, innit? (plays the ‘comin’ ta gitcha sting) Comin’ ta gitcha, baby. Oh, I wish I could do that faster. (plays it a couple more times) Is that faster? I’m actually in a good mood, considering it’s raining. The only thing I don’t like about it…is when it first rains, everyone smashes into the back of everyone else. Cos most drivers in L.A. are idiots and they don’t realize that when it first rains it’s very oily – when it ain’t rained in a while – and the just (makes like someone is mindlessly tooling along) dum-dee-doidy-doidy-dee, on the cell phone, (crash) right into the back of someone cos they don’t, they’re driving the same speed, fools. You know what, it’s not their fault. It’s the Department of Motor Vehicles’ fault for not making the test harder. I mean, it’s a joke. I’ve said this before. I’m like a broken record. I’m like a broken iPod, I should say. (plays a few notes) Comin’ ta gitcha…got Lexi Lalas coming on The Box in a little while…(to Mr. Shovel) you know I’m going to Sundance, don’t you? You’re going, as well.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: I’m going to be there, doing The Box.

Mr. Shovel: I’m flying, you’re driving.

Steve: Yeah. I’m driving cos that’s the way I roll, Mack Daddy. I’m going with ah…well it’s top secret, I can’t really say who I’m going with. I’m going with a convoy of Navy Seals but they told me not to say nuffing. I’m going with them, I’m going through the mountains. We’re going to stop off at this place where they, this underground place where they test bombs and stuff, stop there, do a survey.

Mr. Shovel: The bunker.

Steve: Yeah. The bunker. Doing The Box Monday, there. I’m going to be doing a Joe Strummer party Saturday night, for the movie that Julian Temple did, I’m in it. I’m doing the after-party, deejaying, interviewing punters down there and doing The Box live. I guess twelve bells there ain’t twelve bells here, is it?

Mr. Shovel: No, it’s one o’clock there.

Steve: So we start it there at one then, to keep it on at twelve here?

Mr. Shovel: Yes.

Steve: One to three.

Mr. Shovel: Monday.

Steve: Twelve to two, here…one to three in Utah.

Mr. Shovel: You won’t be here Friday cos you’ll be driving.

Steve: I’ll be driving with the Navy Seals.

Mr. Shovel: Not flying.

Steve: Not flying. If I can avoid flying, I will. I think the next time I’m going to go to England, I’m going to get train and boat and train. Just to see what happens. I’m not into the flying. I’ve gone weird in me old age. Panic attacks.

Mr. Shovel: But being buried in a snow drift all winter, that’s…

Steve: As long as me head’s sticking out, I don’t care.

Mr. Shovel: Okay.

Steve: As long as I can…I don’t care if I’m buried up to me head, long as I can see what’s going on around me. (sighs) I can’t deal with the airports. It’s not the planes, it’s the airports. All the nonsense that you have to deal with now, with airplanes. So ridiculous (to have to) take your trainers off. What all the luggage underneath the bleedin’ train? That’s what they need to sort out, it’s not about your trainers. Retards. They’re all morons as well, who work in airports. My mate went in last went, went on a plane, had all this junk and they didn’t find it.

Mr. Shovel: What kind of junk?

Steve: You know, stuff you’re not meant to have.

Mr. Shovel: Why?

Steve: Cos he forgot.

Mr. Shovel: Sure he’s not a terrorist?

Steve: Nope.

Mr. Shovel: Testing the system?

Steve: No, he’s not. I don’t know any terrorists.

Mr. Shovel: What’d he have, like…toothpaste?

Steve: Yeah. Exactly. Stuff like that and tweezers…you know, normal toiletry nonsense. I know a Boston Terrier. Is that like a terrorist?

Mr. Shovel: Did they throw the tea in the harbor?

Steve: It’s four-legged. A Boston Terrier, you’ve never heard of a dog called a Boston Terrier?

Mr. Shovel: Yessss.

Steve: Boston terror. He’s a right little terror. What’s happening. Should we play some rock and roll. You know what I want to play – because I can? I’m going to play this. Track fourteen. This is a…I love this bit of music…music composed by, oh, it’s by Jack Nietche I just realized. You remember that movie “Starman” with Geoff Bridges? I love this music. Track fourteen, let’s hear it then we’ll go into something else that’s called “Starman”.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: What’s going on, mate? I hear you’re a busy lad lately.

Alexi: It’s been a helluva week. We signed David Beckham down at The Galaxy so my job is about spreading the word, if it needs to be spread right now…everybody’s going crazy right now.

Steve: When’s he going to start kicking a ball?

Alexi: Well, he’s got to finish out his contract right now over in Real Madrid and then this summer he’ll come stateside and start playing down at the Home Depot Center down in Carson for us, probably sometime in the middle of July.

Steve: When does the season start, (for the) Galaxy?

Alexi: The season for us starts at the beginning of April so we’ll play about half the season without him unless something changes with his contract in Real Madrid and then we’ll welcome him with open arms down there.

Steve: It looks like that could happen sooner by what (you hear on) Sky News.

Alexi: There’s craziness going on over there in Madrid, with what they’re talking about but listen, we did this deal under the assumption that he wouldn’t be with us until the middle of the year and that’s okay for us because we had a really good team down there anyway and it’s just going to get better when he comes.

Steve: So legally, if he did get the boot right now, could he join you guys?

Alexi: Yeah I mean, if, if they were able to work something out, you know, he certainly could…but right now he’s the property of Real Madrid until the end of the season. We’d love to get him and he’s a great player. He’s going to do, he’s already done an incredible amount in terms of attracting some attention to the team, The Galaxy, to the league, to the sport, all that kind of stuff.

Steve: Word is, you’ve already sold a bunch of seats for the…

Alexi: Yeah, yeah. We’re selling tons of seats. We sold thousands just in the twenty-four hours after and we continue to sell them right now. So it’s been good for business but you know as well as I do we’ve gotta kick a ball around and that’s the most important thing is the team does well and he does well.

Steve: But there’s a lot of birds who’ve come up to me and said, “Are you going to get him on the Jukebox?” And then they say – you know, birds who have no clue what football is or soccer.

Alexi: We’ll sell tickets to them, too.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: So…I’m sure all the hype and all the rest of it with Beckham and all that, you’ve been doing lots of press.

Alexi: Yeah, it’s been crazy. I mean, we’ve had people from every corner of the earth calling us and so it’s good for our brand, for the Galaxy to get out there. Everyone now associates David Beckham with The Galaxy which is wonderful but it’s been nuts in our office – in a good way.

Steve: Why do you think he is so popular?

Alexi: I think first and foremost there’s the soccer part of it and you know, from a young age he started to do well. They won championships at Man U, he was scoring…there’s something about a free kick goal cos it’s the one time really in soccer where it stops. We talk about soccer being a free-flowing sport but on free kicks it stops and there is all focus and attention on this one person who is, in this case, hitting a shot and he’s an artist at doing that and so everyone was going crazy about it. Any way you slice it, he’s a good-looking man, that doesn’t hurt. You marry one of the Spice Girls and you know, you play for some very very big clubs and one thing leads to another. You know, there’s a curiosity about him, what he does on the soccer field and what he does off the soccer field.

Steve: He must have a big uh…(pauses, searching for a word)

Alexi: Careful…

Steve: …a – not a big knob…I don’t know, maybe he does. You’ll have to tell me when you’re in the locker room, ambassadoring in the showers. Um, but there’s a big uh…now you’ve thrown me off again, talking about knobs. (Alexi laughs) Why are you doing this to me. Um, he must have a big…machine.

Alexi: Yes, it is a machine.

Steve: And he works his machine.

Alexi: Well of course, of course. Listen, I mean there is an incredible intelligence to this person and not just as the soccer player but as a businessman. He’s in on any type of, any joke, any perceived joke I mean, he sees a whole lot of what’s going on before it actually happens and uses it to his advantage and that, that to be quite honest, that’s part of what attracted us to him because he is smart about what he’s doing and we need smart people on and off the field.

Hey, you were telling me earlier that you’re obviously feeling better and you’re in shape, which you are…are you going to go out and play, or what?

Steve: What, football?

Alexi: No, no.

Steve: Oh, rock and roll?

Alexi: Yes.

Steve: There is talk about us doing some shows in the summer.

Alexi: I was driving up here, I was like, “I’ve gotta ask him, I’ve gotta figure out what’s going on.”

Steve: Yeah…Sex Pistols…there’s a good chance, very good chance that we’ll be playing in London in the summer and Moscow, and Japan. There’s a good chance.

Alexi: Like, Moscow the…

Steve: Well as you would say, “MosCOW”.

Alexi: Wow, you’re going to go to MosCOW.

Steve: (imitates U.S. sort of accent) Yeah, MosCOW and sackker (soccer). Yeah. Apparently.

Alexi: How do you feel about going to Moscow?

Steve: I’m a bit, I’m a bit wary. We was talking (earlier in the show) about being kidnapped and all that. I’m a bit wary there. They’re a funny mob.

Alexi: It’s like the wild west out there now.

Steve: Yeah, anything goes.

Alexi: Hey, you’ll fit in. You’ll be fine.

Steve: Bit worried for me life.

Alexi: You’ll be good. That’s great!

Steve: Yeah. So…you still won’t get to see us.

Alexi: No. So, what – you just don’t want to do anything in the States or what?

Steve: No, we played here about…I think we get more money in places like that. We’ve never been to Moscow, we’ll probably get more dough there.

Alexi: So, it’s not about the art?

Steve: No. It’s always about the dough nowadays. You kidding me?

Alexi: (laughs)

Steve: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind playing but, it’s about time we got paid. We never got paid.

Alexi: Right. So you’re making up for lost time.

Steve: Green Day’s took all our money.

Alexi: (laughs) Oh, here we go…

Steve: Not that I’m resentful or nothing. (laughs) No, good luck to them. But you know…them days are gone, to me, when people would say, “Oh, you sold out, you sold out.” Sold out to what? What does that mean, “selling out”. What does that mean?

Alexi: I don’t know. At this point it’s all been blurred.

Steve: We earned our brownies last year when we turned down the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. What more…you know what I mean?

Alexi: Yeah.

Steve: “Selling out”.

Alexi: So, two shows in each city?

Steve: I say, “Sell everything, take the money”.

Alexi: Sell everything…well, that’s what we’re trying to do.

Steve: Yeah. Do you think I’ll be able to get him on The Box, Beckham?

Alexi: I don’t know. I’ll ask him. I’m the “Ambassador” (a title bestowed upon him by Steve) so I’ll…

Steve: Not ask him. You make him.

Alexi: (resignedly) All right. I’ll make him.

Steve: You’re the Ambassador.

Alexi: You know what, people that are good to The Galaxy…you know, we like to steer people in their direction so when he gets here I’ll ask him.

Steve: I’ve played on that Galaxy turf – with you!

Alexi: Yes you have. Very well, I might add. You didn’t embarrass yourself…

Steve: Well there was…

Alexi: What, you want to bring it up? (Steve starts laughing) I was told specifically not to bring up the time that you played there and had a wonderful game you were doing great and then you had point-blank shot, no problem, no goalkeeper or anything and…

Steve: There was a goalie there! I just missed an open goal.

Alexi: There was a goalie on the field, (but) there was no goalie between the goal and…well, all right. Whatever. We have video evidence.

Steve: I just did one of my riverdance moves and just completely blew it.

Alexi: I’m not saying it wasn’t beautiful. I’m just saying it wasn’t really productive in terms of scoring goals…

Steve: People were laughing at me (I was there, no they weren’t) But I did play on the…that turf’s a bit rough.

Alexi: Oh, don’t blame the turf (general laughter).

Steve: It was a bit knobbly.

Alexi: All right. I’ll give you that.

Steve: It bounced a little bit.

Alexi: It wasn’t the best. We’ll try to get it manicured next time you come.

from 9/30/05 Craig Ferguson Visits The Box

2007-01-08T06:56:00.000Z

"More? You want MORE??!!" Good, here's come more!

Fabulous, isn't he?

(We join our host and his guest, Mr. Ferguson, at the end of the first half-hour of the show. A set of songs has just been played and well, this is where the recording starts, with discussion in progress)

Craig: …but you’re bordering transvestite with that name, anyway.

Steve: Right. You’re right. Yeah. Silly of me.

Craig: It’s all right.

Steve: Um…did you ever hear of that bloke in that last song? Ral Donner?

Craig: Ral Donner. I’ve heard that guy. I used to work in a fairground when I was a teenager and they used to play that and they used to play a lot of doo wop stuff as well.

Steve: Right, right.

Craig: Um…we used to work on these uh, the waltzers. Do you know the waltzers?

Steve: Yeah, of course. You’d get a Fairground Ted, the guy…

Craig: That was me, except…

Steve: …giving it the large on the side.

Craig: Yeah…it was like, “That’ll Be The Day”, the David Essex film. I used to do that and…

Steve: One of my favorite movies.

Craig: That’s a good film that, isn’t it?

Steve: And follow-up with “Stardust”.

Craig: Yeah, with ah…wasn’t Ringo Starr in it?

Steve: Ringo Starr, Adam Faith…

Craig: And David Essex.

Steve: David Essex.

Craig: David Essex was one of those twinkly blokes, wasn’t he. He was always twinkling. And he used to talk like that, always twinkling, (talking like a “twinkly bloke” ) “I love the ladies”.

Steve: Yeah, he was a, he was a bit pretentious, I thought.

Craig: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steve: You know what I mean?

Craig: Yeah. He was…

Steve: Pretty boy…a pretty boy.

Craig: Pretty boy, twinklin’. But that’s what happens, you see…

Steve: He was like an actor, he was one of these like, kid actors, he reminded me of.

Craig: You know, he reminded me of Jack Wilde, who actually did well over here with “H.R. Puffinstuff”.

Steve: Was he in that?

Craig: Yeah, he was, he was the, he wasn’t H.R. Puffinstuff, but…

Steve: But he was the original…

Craig: Oliver.

Steve: Oliver, right.

Craig: No, ah, what’s his name, ummm…

Steve: Oliver Twist.

Craig: Yeah, but he wasn’t Oliver, he was…(chuckles)

Steve: Is that his last name?

Craig: Oliver Twist.

Steve: Twist.

Craig: Yeah, Oliver Twist, that was his name. Yeah, well…Charles Dickens…they’ve all got names like, “Mrs. Crutchywiggle” and all that. Back in those days, everybody had wiggly names like that. Nowadays names have been shortened.

Steve: Then transvestites came into the picture…

Craig: That’s right – and everything went digital and the names got shorter. What are you doing?

Steve: (Scottish accent) Drinking some water.

Craig: Oh. Okay. I couldn’t see cos it was the radio.

Steve: Um, what about The Rubettes. I know you heard of them.

Craig: Uh, “Sugar Baby Love” was the song you played, right? The Rubettes. They used to always wear these big Donny Osmond caps as I seem to remember…

Steve: And they’re wearin’ them right there.

Craig: Oh, right there on the cover of their cd. They must all be taxi drivers by now, or dead.

Steve: Yeah, probably.

Craig: Yeah.

Steve: Or the rubber on the tires.

Craig: Ooooh…

Steve: But you know what? You know that in some bloke’s office in Denmark Street when they were just like, wearing clogs and platform boots…

Craig: (snickers)

Steve: …and they said, “Okay, I’ve got this song. I’m gonna call you The Rubettes…I’ve got it! White caps!”

Craig: White caps, yeah.

Steve: “That’ll be your image…”

Craig: “That’ll set you apart from the rest…”

Steve: “…all the rest.”

Craig: Yeah.

Steve: Funny stuff.

Craig: I know. I thought: walking sticks. That’s when I was in a band. "We’ll all have walking sticks." Didn’t work.
That’s why you never heard of us.

Steve: Excellent stuff. So, it’s fun, innit?

Craig: What is?

Steve: Being here.

Craig: Well, it’s nice here. I quite like the transvestite club in Luxembourg as well. That was nice.

Steve: I wonder if it’s still there?

Craig: Nah…they roam around. It’s like those parties in L.A., you know the clubs in L.A.

Steve: Swinger parties.

Craig: Do they have them? Really?

Steve: (laughs)

Craig: I’ve heard of them.

Steve: I’d never get in cos you’ve always got to take a bird in with you.

Craig: Well, I wouldn’t go. I’d be too embarrassed. I don’t want to see a bunch of people with their…see, I’ve got very strict rules about sexuality.

Steve: Yes?

Craig: So, if you have sex and there’s another man in the room, you’re gay.

Steve: Right.

Craig: Yeah. Even if you don’t go near him.

Steve: I know what you mean.

Craig: Yeah, that’s my rules.

Steve: I can’t imagine…like two blokes and a bird.

Craig: (Firmly) No, no.

Steve: Touching…testicles, know what I mean? It’s just not good.

Craig: Don’t want that. Don’t you get censored on this show?

Steve: I think so…

Craig: Yeah?

Steve: The RSPCA, they’re always on us.

Craig: (Laughing) The RSPCA…The Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty To Animals. They’re always hovering around.

Steve: I don’t know…I mean, (to Mr. Shovel) have we ever had a knock on the door (from) the RSPCA?

Mr. Shovel: No, but I’ve hit the button quite a few times.

Craig: Oh. Did you, did you hit it there when he said…

Mr. Shovel: Got close. Got close.

Steve: I wasn’t swearin’ there was I?

Craig: No, no…it’s a body part. It was a body part.

Steve: I mean, you know, that’s what doctors call them? Testicles?

Craig: Well, I had a doctor once who said to me…(laughs) I went to the doctor and I had to...I got rid of the doctor, I got another doctor, cos when he was talking about my penis, he said, “How’s Mr. Happy doing?” I said, “I don’t want you calling it ‘Mr. Happy’. You’re a doctor.” He said, “Oh, ho ho.” I said, “NO “oh ho ho”. You have to know the correct medical term. You’re a doctor. And nobody calls it ‘Mr. Happy’, not even me. Not even people I like call my penis ‘Mr. Happy’ and actually, at the moment he’s not very happy because he’s at the doctor.”

Steve: That’s what I mean.

Craig: He’s much happier, he’s happier elsewhere. (general laughter)

Steve: (disgusted) “Mr. Happy”. The bleedin’ cheek…

Craig: (equally disgusted) “Mr. Happy”. Oh gawd. Patronizing bastard…

Steve: How dare he.

Craig: I know. I know. Just cos I never went to medical school…

Steve: I call mine Mr. Sensitive.

Craig: Do you really.

Steve: He’s a sensitive bloke, yeah.

Craig: I don’t call mine at all. And he doesn’t call me.

Steve: Sensitive chap. (They laugh) Are we gonna visit The Duke? We’re here with Craig Ferguson. You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox, we’ll be right back after these wonderful messages.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

(they’ve returned after the commercial break, Craig comments that he didn’t think that the furniture at the Indie offices would be so modern)

Steve: Yeah, I know. You get an image of…you get an image of things, don’t you, when you don’t see them.

Craig: Well, I thought when I heard the show, that it was coming from a wee, dark, kind of scary place somewhere downtown.

Steve: That’s what it sounds like.

Craig: Yeah, but you come in here and there’s these giant couches out there that look like they’re from…really, couches from another planet.

Steve: They actually look like marrow.

Craig: (exclaims) The DO look like, maybe hollowed out, giant root vegetables…that have somehow been hardened and varnished and turned into…

Steve: and pickled…

Craig: And pickled, and turned into delightful yet tasty furniture. What’re you doing?

Steve: I’m trying to tune this guitar…

Craig: Why you going to start now, after all these years?

Steve: We’re going to do a Whistle in a little bit, and you’re going to whistle.

Craig: All right.

Steve: Now, didn’t you run into Nico or something? Didn’t you have something to do with…

Craig: I used to, I was the drummer for Nico for about ten minutes on a British tour that she did. Nico recorded with The Velvet Underground) It wasn’t at the height of her career. She…I think she enjoyed the ah…what the kids call, the “heroin”. And she used to take a lot of it and she sang very, she sang with a harmonium. Most of the show was done with just her and the harmonium, singing old dirges about Luxembourgian transvestites or something…(imitates her)

Steve: (Singing dirgelike with German accent) Sign ze papers…

Craig: (continues imitation, some unintelligible. Hey, he’s a Scottish guy doing a German accent. Now he shifts to singing dirgelike as Colonel Klink) Colonel Hogan! what do you think you’re doing? (imitates harmonium) dee-dee-dee-dee…

Steve: (He’s laughing)

Craig: You used to use your feet on the harmonium. Do-do-do-do-dooo. So it was kind of like the music for “Jaws” and “Hogan’s Heroes” put together. (they laugh) And then, she, for the last three songs we used to do, “Sweet Jane”, “Waiting For The Man” and “All Tomorrow’s Parties” and that was great, because they’re great songs and she would stop playing the harmonium then and play with the band.

Steve: And then it sounded good.

Craig: Well, certainly better than the harmonium. It’s all relative. I mean, if a crowd has been listening to some German bird playing the harmonium for an hour and a half, it doesn’t matter how bad the band is. When they come on, they’re just delighted to see somebody else.

Steve: Something different, yeah.

Craig: Yeah, exactly.

Steve: I mean, could she actually play? Did she know chords?

Craig: Oh, yeah, yeah. She knew about four, about four of those chords…I think she was very sick. She was a very sick woman by that point, poor soul.

Steve: Oh…

Craig: I wasn’t really a “catch” as a drummer. She didn’t like, get to Scotland and go, “Let’s get this guy!”, you know. I mean cos the good guys were playing with Alex Harvey and The Bay City Rollers.

Steve: And the other bird with the big onions…

Craig: Who’s that?

Steve: Mountains.

Craig: Oh, Moira Anderson.

Steve: Moira Anderson.

Craig: She didn’t need a drummer, it was just bagpipes and accordions with her. She didn’t need, she had the thunderous Japanese kodo drums of her mighty breasts to keep the rhythm.

Steve: What did you think of that movie, “Braveheart”?

Craig: It was alright.

Steve: Was all that true, all that? Not, not the movie…obviously that’s a load of bollocks…

Craig: What, that we hate the English?

Steve: No, the um…well, we know the Scots hate the English…

Craig: No we don’t. See, I don’t think that Scots do hate the English. I think the Scots hate the upper class English. Which is the same as…the English hate the upper class English, too.

Steve: Yeah, I do.

Craig: You know, I mean, Cockneys and guys in Manchester, guys in Newcastle, guys in Liverpool, I’ve always got on fine with people like that. But there is that kind of, you know, the upper class thing. It’s more of a class thing, I think, than it is about Scotland and England.

Steve: It’s terrible, innit, in England, really.

Craig: It’s horrible. It’s just horrible, when you get these (snooty British accent) terrible sort of upper class sort of people like that. I just, I do find them terribly unpleasant.

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: I say you can tell someone’s posh: instead of saying the word, “yes”, they say, (sounds like) “eers”. “Eeers, I do. Eeers.” “Are you going to the (? Unintelligible)” “Eeers, eers, I am.” (they laugh) “Would you like a shag?” “Eeers…eers, I would. Well done.”

Steve: (upper crusty accent) “Hard cheese.”

Craig: “Is that a giant meadow or are you just pleased to see me?”

Steve: “Is that a turnip you’re holding…?”

Craig: “What a lovely root vegetable, Vicar.”

Steve: Um, what’s the other word…? When they say “suit”, too. They say, “syoot”.

Craig: Yes. “I’ve got a Saville Row syoot.”

Steve: “Is the a three-piece syoot?” (they laugh)

Craig: “Did you have that syoot made-to-measure or did you buy it from the rack?”

Steve: “Oh, oh. It’s off the peg...”

Craig: “Oh yes, off the peg.” That’s where the “full monty” comes from, doesn’t it? You know that phrase, it comes from “the syoot”. Cos when folk were getting demobbed from the moor they used to give them the “Full Montague Burton”, which was the name of the tailors that give you the (sounds like “dins”?)

Steve: Burton’s?

Craig: Yeah, Burton’s, Montague Burton’s was the tailors and when people were coming out of the army after the war, they used to give them a suit. They’d give them a demobbed syoot. You’d get the “full Montague Burton”…

Steve: Oh…

Craig: …or “The full Monty”, which meant “the whole thing”, which became, then – not wearing clothes at all…

Steve: Right.

Craig: …in popular, modern parlance.

Steve: So… that was after the Second World War.

Craig: Yeah…but back then I was only in my teens then.

Steve: For winning the war, you got a free suit.

Craig: (laughing) You got a free suit! For storming the Nazis.

Steve: It’s a bleedin’ bargain, innit?

Craig: For ridding the world of the Nazi menace…

Steve: “Here’s a syoot.”

Craig: “Here’s a syoot. Well done, members of the lower order!”

Steve: (laughing)

Craig: “Well done. Here’s some clothes.”

Steve: “Now carry on picking vegetables.”

Craig: “Now, back to your mallows, everyone.” (both laugh) “Would you like some beet root, with your syoot?” Oh, dear.

Steve: What other vegetables are we missing?

Craig: I…think there are root vegetables in other parts of the world, but basically Scotland is turnips. Turnips and ah…

Steve: Parsnips.

Craig: But parsnips is an English thing. We don’t do parsnips. We call ‘em here “sweet potatoes”.

Steve: That’s not the same, though, as parsnips.

Craig: Well, not a parsnip but it’s the same as…

Steve: Sweet potato here is like…

Craig: Well, it’s like an aubergine…

Steve: …orange…orange, innit? It’s like a healthy potato.

Craig: No, no no…it’s a remarkable invention of genetic engineering. It’s a potato which has been sweetened to taste delicious.

Steve: You mean, it’s one of them genetic…

Craig: It’s a genetically altered potato.

Steve: What do you think about all that genetically altered chickens and ducks and pigs…

Craig: I’m all for it. As soon as we can get giant chickens the size of a house, we can rid the world of the Nazi menace and we wouldn’t have to send people out to fight wars, we could send the giant genetically altered animals.

Steve: The genetic ones. Yeah, the genetic ones.

Craig: So then for example, not only – you know…if any of these giant animals are you know, killed in combat, you can send ‘em home tasty.

Steve: Give them an injection and they will make another one and move him on.

Craig: And, you can still eat them.

Steve: But they could turn on ya.

Craig: The could turn…well, that’s usually what happens when you genetically engineer something is that it goes nuts and then goes on a rampage, then you have to call somebody.

Steve: Can always turn on ya, that’s the problem with ‘em.

Craig: It’s like…in the Fifties it was atomic stuff. You know, like Spiderman bit by a radioactive spider.

Steve: Right, right.

Craig: You know. Although nowadays it’s the genetically altered…but it’s so much the same.

Steve: Do you think, do you think that really will be a part of the future though, all that?

Craig: What? Giant chickens, fighting the war?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: Yeah I do. I think…it’s days away.

Steve: With syoots on.

Craig: With syoots. That’ll be…the chickens’ll come back from winning the war and they’ll say, “Where’s OUR suits?” And then the whole, then the whole country will be awash with giant chickens wearing suits going, “Right. Where’s ours? Where’s ours?”

Steve: “Where’s our clobber?”

Craig: Yeah yeah. “Where’s my seed?”

Steve: Bleedin’ cheek.

Craig: “Get out of my way. I’ll peck ya!”

Steve: “I’ll claw you to death!”

Craig: Chickens are uh…I don’t like chickens very much. I had a job once, looking after chickens. I don’t like ‘em. They’re the only birds I know that crap on their own eggs.

Steve: Well, they eat their own feces, chickens.

Craig: “They eat their own feet”, I thought you were going to say. And they might do that, too.

Steve: No, but they do. They eat their own…toilet.

Craig: They eat their own poop, yeah. Well you know, waste not, want not…

Steve: Cows are a lot cleaner.

Craig: Cows are very clean. I have a cow come round to my house to clean it up.

Steve: And pigs. Pigs are, actually…

Craig: Pigs are very clean. Cows and pigs, if left to their own devices will put out scatter cushions and little…pashminas over the couch.

Steve: Yeah, yeah, the plastic ones. (Craig is laughing) If they live in a council house, they put the plastic ones on them.

Craig: That’s right, yeah and they take it off when they’ve got very special people coming ‘round.

Steve: I don’t mind a bit of swine.

Craig: ”You swine, Guv’nor!”

Steve: What do you think about fox hunting? Do you think they should or shouldn’t?

Craig: I…well it depends…

Steve: (Bellows grandly) “I personally think…”

Craig: I, personally…I thought…no. I think all the foxes have been found. I don’t think they have to look any further.

Steve: Well, the genetic ones?

Craig: Well, if it was fox huntin’ for giant altered foxes that could like, fight back - in a convincing manner, I’d be all for it.

Steve: Yeah. It’s a fair fight.

Craig: Then it’s fair. A giant five hundred, six hundred pound fox, then you’re alright.

Steve: Then you’re laughing.

Craig: Yeah yeah yeah. Although you don’t want to get near that.

Steve: No. Especially when they fart. Horrible.

Craig: Well they’re meat eaters, the fox.

Steve: Yeah, I know.

Craig: That’s what make it. Cos animals that, you know, that are - I learned this from my son’s “Everybody Poops” book – that animals that eat just vegetables, their farts aren’t smelly.

Steve: Their what?

Craig: Their farts. They aren’t smelly.

Steve: See, that’s why mine don’t.

Craig: What, you a vegetarian then?

Steve: No.

Craig: But if you eat meat, then they’ll…

Steve: If I go for a week without eating meat…they’re odorless.

Craig: Well, if I…

Steve: Eggs as well. If you have egg whites…

Craig: Yeah?

Steve: Farting for days…rotten.

Craig: Well that’s, it’s the protein, innit?

Steve: So…oh okay. So it’s the protein that make you stink.

Craig: I, I don’t know…I’m not –? (mock indignation) Listen, I never expected to be put under the microscope about my feelings about genetically altered chickens. I came here in all good faith and you’ve, and you’ve put me through the mill all this stuff about genetic engineering for farm animals and fightin’ combat…

Steve: And transvestites. And free suits if you win a war.

Craig: …free suits if you win a war.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Steve: You are listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Indie 1031, the home of…genetically altered chickens going to war.

Craig: Yeah, and, and you get a free suit if you win.

Steve: Yeah. What does the loser get?

Craig: Um…

Steve: A marrow.

Craig: Swimmin’ trunks. You have to walk around in swimmin’ trunks as punishment.

Steve: Exactly.

Craig: And their chickens all have to be regular-sized.

Steve: You get tarred, as well.

Craig: Tarred and feathered. They used to do that to people, didn’t they?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: Yeah. That’s probably a website for sex with perverts.

Steve: Exactly. They did that to French birds who went on the Nazi side.

Craig: Yeah, that’s right. They used to shave their hair first. Shave them and then tar and feather them.

Steve: Put carbolic soap on them. Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

Craig: (sounds amazed) Carbolic soap? Yeah, I do…why did they put carbolic soap on them?

Steve: No, they didn’t. But I was just…

Craig: Oh you remembered, you remembed carbolic soap?

Steve: Yeah.

Craig: I just remembered it too, at the same…well, just after you said it, I remembered it.

Steve: What is, what was that all about? Was it actually soap, or was it like, some detergent or something?

Craig: I think it was soap, but it was a special type of soap that didn’t really get you clean but just gave you a rash.

Steve: It was bizarre, wunnit?

Craig: Yeah yeah yeah. But it was very cheap.

Steve: You know what else gave you a rash, was the toilet paper you used to have at school.

Craig: Yeah…it was very crinkly. Very ah…very…vicious.

Steve: Well, if you put a slice of it ‘round…

Craig: (laughing) A "slice" of toilet paper…

Steve: If you put it ‘round a cone, you could do a hummerzoo with it. (hummerzoo=kazoo)

Craig: Yeah, that right. You had a comb and paper. Yeah, that was how we used to, when I was a serf, that was how we used to make our music at night ‘round the campfire.

Steve: And also, do you remember – here’s one for you, Swarfega.

Craig: Swarfega I used to use when I worked in the factory. It was a big tub of green goo and you get your ha…I wish I had it now, I was working on my motorbike this morning and I got some oil…and I cut my hand, look…and see, if I’d had the Swarfiga, which is that green goo you just rub on and it takes everything off - including a layer of skin…

Steve: I’m sure they have an American version of it.

Craig: Swarfiga? Well, if there’s anyone out there listening, I wouldn’t mind a tub, I’ll pay…

Steve: That stuff would clean anything, wunnit?

Craig: It would, yeah.

Steve: And you’d go into some places, like work places, they’d have like, huuuge tubs of it.

Craig: Giant vats of it.

Steve: FLAGONS of it.

Craig: (this make him laugh) Flagons! Giant, huge, huge amounts of Swarfiga...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

That's all I have for this one...
Tina

2007-01-05T07:46:00.000Z

This is the 2006 Christmas card of the beloved "Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson".

2006-12-30T18:11:00.000Z

This pic is from the Camp Freddy website.

The Christmas Post! More Oasis 2nd hour.

2006-12-22T16:38:00.000Z

Welcome back to Chriswasanon. Leave a nice polite message. It's just about Christmas Post time innit. "Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day....blah blah you treated me like some goof and deleted me from myspace." That would probably be the 21st Century equivalent like.

Hey Steve wanted pants and socks last year. It's too late for me to get my giftis to him alas, so like Steve you all have to just make do with just a Christmas card. Fill in the complaint form... Eeeh I got fair caught up with the spirit of Christmas this year,so I did going so far to as change my myspace name to "Christmas was Anon" and also House bling was anon too, cos I think that there really is an awful lot of that about, I reckon!

What festive frolics I've been up to, getting kail eyed on rum and ribenas, reciting poetry the like of which you do not want to know. Google "It was Christmas day in the workhouse." In other news Chriswasanon has now officially shifted to Blogger2 which is the new Googlengine for such blogs as make the grade...I think. There hasn't been much of ecleticism here recently.

The Christmas post is a time to change that. I was over at a friend's the other day - admiring her Christmas tree - as ye do. When I asked her where she had got this Sitka spruce, she said that she nicked it. Now she wasn't some yobbish Ned o but she was a terribly naice lady. What's more she nicks her tree from the Forestry Commission each year...Don't blame her. Here at the Byre I shall be bidding fond fare thee wells to all as I head into the fog of the UK to once more familiarise myself with a land of no computers.

Special Christmas greets to those who have kept me sane this year. This a little like the old CwA Hall of fame where noteworthy jukebox bloggers got a mench. So lets do it one more time. The first one more time since the Jones blog died the death in factimundo. In no particular order.

Floratina Without which.
Alison Bling it on, bling it on, bling it on baby.
Rotter Ahahahahahah
Shloemoe Cheers and a seasonal tilt of the water of life.
Maddie For keeping the home fires burning
Robert KP. He's in shape!
Piespace A wise fool z fool.
JR. Knackered what was it JR?
NYC San Fran Gail You go to it babes and deck them.
Aunt Chrissie. Last seen surrounded by tea bags
Quean. She knows a Dr. called Danger.
Chispa Filthy Lucre. Cancelled Madrid gig ticket.
Glenn O We will get Peace on Earth sometime Glenn. Until then...
Pauly Poo! Damned Damned Damned
Bangkok Steve Here's hoping that all is well.
IrishScots She comes and she goes, Celtic Warrior being.
Jewelly All that glisters is not but this person is a true sparkler.
Jade. This woman is that.
Ronen. Happy festival.
Muzz You only get an Anarchy once - get the best from dangerouslyclose

all top geezers and geezerinas

Last the biggest of Ups to Mr. Stephen Jones and Mark Shovel.

All of you is good folks but may I wish you all our readers hall of fame or not, a cracking Christmas and a happy New Year. I will see you all on various networks when we return. Without any further ado here's a transcription for youse. It picks up the continuing Oasis blokes saga where we last left it somewhere down the page. Yes we know it got podcast, that still doesn't mean it's not worthy of the treatment. ..that's it. Merry Yule!!!!

(After a week solo in the spotlight, I've moved this latest part of the transcript down to the Oasis post so that all the bits are together - TJ) click ->LINK

December 19, 2006 Affirmations

2006-12-20T15:52:00.000Z

After Mr. Shovel introduced a recording of soothingly femme-voiced affirmations, Steve was particularly taken by the "abundance" segment.

December 18, 2006 Deer, Cashews and an Impostor

2006-12-19T15:59:00.000Z

Steve: You’re listening to Jonesy’s Jukebox on Monday on Indie, four minutes after twelve bells. A bit nippy but gorgeous out. Clear as a bell. Last night was a bit chilly but it was, it was nice. Nice, nice, nice. Did I mention I have deer coming in my back yard?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I think so.

Steve: Yeah…they’re relentless now. They’ve gotten comfortable. They’re just eating everything in sight.

Mr. Shovel: How do they get in there?

Steve: They get in around the back. There’s like a…they go up this hill and come back down and they’ve obviously, they’re limited (in) what they can eat. They only like ivy and stuff. I don’t think they eat a lot of other stuff.

Mr. Shovel: Real picky. Picky eaters.

Steve: Well, yeah. I think they just, I dunno. But I don’t mind them. Let ‘em eat as much as they want, even though it looks like, it looks terrible. It’s not green anymore where they eat. It’s just like…shrubs. But it’ll grow back and it is the season to be giving, you know what I mean? Deer are not excluded.

Mr. Shovel: Well especially deer.

Steve: Yeah, they’re like…reindeer.

Mr. Shovel: Well there you go.

Steve: That’s what I’m talking about. I actually like it, though…having them. I’m glad that I can be of service to the deer.

Mr. Shovel: You know there’s people who would be like, really happy to shoot them.

Steve: Oh, I know.

Mr. Shovel: Pretty ridiculous.

Steve: Yeah it is cos they’re such little creatures of beauty, you know? Non-threatening animals. I don’t understand that whole Ted Nugent concept. Well, his concept is one thing, but just killing them for the sake of it, just for a laugh…

Mr. Shovel: Well they rationalize it by saying, “Well, they’re going to starve to death anyway.” That’s because they’ve run out of land to get food from.

Steve: Right…just ignorant people. Don’t need to do it anymore. Before there were supermarkets I understood, you had to go and kill things to eat, to live. What else is happening? There was something I was going to talk about. Deer…I had a weird dream last night. Oh, I had some, I ate a load of cashew nuts last night. I had a little relapse. I had that “DaVinci Code” movie. Got in bed and I remembered I had a huge bag of cashew nuts so I went and filled up a cup full of them, got back in bed and just started grazing and I woke up this morning not feeling good, felt horrible.

Mr. Shovel: You had some weird dream? Cos of the nuts?

Steve: I dunno. I did have a weird dream. I was at my mum’s place in England and I was kind of staying in there and this person was acting, it was like a bloke, dressed up as a woman, he was acting as my mum…like, a transvestite and fooled me for a long time. Then I suddenly realized, I’m like, “Hey, you’re not my mum, you’re a bloke! What’re you doing here?” Very strange.

Mr. Shovel: Well, of course the psychiatrist would have a field day with this, Steve.

Steve: But that’s what I dreamt. I mean dreams, you must have weird, I mean…dreams just can be endless of madness, the things you come up with in your dreams it’s crazy. I told you that one time that I was having a threesome with Jimmy Carter, right?

Mr. Shovel: Right.

Steve: I mean, where did that come from?

Mr. Shovel: Did you eat peanuts that night?

Steve: Jimmy Carter and his wife…on a shag carpet. A lime green shag carpet. I mean, where does it, where does it come from? I’ve no idea. And then I woke up and my mate Fritz went ‘round to my mum’s and took some flowers and a Christmas present.

(a recording of Mrs. Jones taken from Steve’s mobile phone plays in the background: “Hello…this is Mummy…”

Steve: See, that’s the real one. That’s not the transvestite drag-queen one.

Mr. Shovel: I’m going to let you interpret that yourself.

Steve: I’ve no idea.
(Sings)
Dream
A candy-colored clown they call The Sandman
Tiptoes through my room every night
Just to sprinkle stardust
To sleep, everything is all right

My mom’s a transvestite
And she does her hair
into the magic parlor I often stare
it’s not my mum
it’s some bloke dressed up as my mum
where did he come from
this bloke dressed up as my mum

(Mr. Shovel is playing the recording of Steve’s mother here and there in the background)
Mrs. Jones: Hello? This is mummy…

Oh mum what have you done
Oh mum what have you done
Oh ma what have, what have you done to your son
Son, son son!

Mrs. Jones: I want to see how my little baby’s getting on…

Steve: (stops singing) I was hitting the high notes then, Shovel. You was messing about, putting my mum in there. Don’t you listen to what I’m doing?

Mr. Shovel: It’s a…montage.

Steve: That was good though, wunnit? There was one other thing that was going on. (thinking out loud) Mum was a bloke…peanuts…no, cashew nuts…the deer…it was a good game of football – oh what a great game, Chelsea and Everton. Beat Everton 3-2 and the best news of all, Manchester United lost again to West Ham. Let’s play some music. I’m going to play a song that these blokes did in England. It a montage to The Box. It is now ten after twelve bells.

Don’t forget to get out and do your Christmas shopping, especially buy presents for me. I’m not buying one present, by the way. I just thought I’d throw that out there. It’s not that I’m a Scrooge, I just can’t be bothered. Take it away, Mr. Shovel…

Oasis blokes updated!!!! - set your mouse to "scroll" Mr. Sulu.

2006-12-18T19:29:00.000Z

Welcome back to chriswasanon - so what's Santa gonna bring you then, socks, ties, seditionaries hankies, that would be nice. Lots of good things goin' on at CWA including this blogamp thing and what with Tina having a Helio thingy. I'm foxed...

Third part of the Oasis blokes is on the blog and with any luck we will have it finished tomorrow. The BEER commercial that launched Chas and Dave to stardom was for Courage ale. See the interview. The new bit transcripturizaliseminalli is in green - running out of colours...should be time for one more post before Chrissie. Cheers for now like.

Here is a linkie. LINK

CwA

2006-12-17T08:45:00.000Z

He hasn't been saying a whole lot lately so I haven't had much to post. Then there are little bits that don't really transcribe well, but are fun to listen to so I am posting the bits here and there with a BlogAmp player that I'm still trying to figure out. Hand in there with me, I'll get there...

December 13 2006 Hippies, punks

2006-12-14T15:54:00.000Z

(Steve has just finished playing “If I Could Only Remember My Name” by David Crosby)

Steve: That was an eight minute long kind of jam, probably some weed going down there and maybe some other stuff but you know what I liked about that hippie stuff is that they didn’t care, not like these bands now who go under the pretense of “punk”…punk was supposed to “not care”. You get these bands now who have their deals and they have their merchandising deals with so and so and they sing about, (mimicking) “I’m a prisoner of society!” I mean, that is the biggest load of bollocks I’ve ever heard. At least these hippies just did what they wanted to do, so they’re more “punk” than these ones that’s making out they’re punk, you know. They go home, drive off in their BMW’s or whatever they do. That’s what makes me sick.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

2006-12-11T08:30:00.000Z

Still working on getting those Helio videos posted. Update: I don't have Helio any more! I still have the videos though.

Sire

Steve Jones--------------> ALTERNATIVE <----------- Jukebox jive blog.

Malcolm is DEAD.

6 music...

Rat Scabies or Chris Miller visits the box. part 2

By way of explanation...

Cough cures, t-shirts and cooking...

Sifting through some happy memories.

Holidays in the Sun 2007 and Rat Scabies visits the box.

W

From 5-31-07

from 5/1 The Nature Of Thieving and so forth

Pushing 250...

South Park's Jones :-)

More About Deer 3-28-07

I Miss Mr. Shovel...

The Sword Of Bryan Ferry 3/23/07

From Tuesday, March 20, 2007

If I Managed England

Colin H. Christ - February 28 2007

from 2/19/07

J3 - Jonesy's Jukebox Jury from 2-19-07

One more time!

From 2/6/06 Enjoyment All Over

Punk Pathetique

from 1/24/07 - Dodgy Lodging

Swag

More Sundance pics

Steve At Sundance (updated 1/22)

Alexi Lalas Visits The Box 1-17-07 *Updated 1/19*

from 9/30/05 Craig Ferguson Visits The Box

The Christmas Post! More Oasis 2nd hour.

December 19, 2006 Affirmations

December 18, 2006 Deer, Cashews and an Impostor

Oasis blokes updated!!!! - set your mouse to "scroll" Mr. Sulu.

December 13 2006 Hippies, punks

Alexi Lalas Visits The Box 1-17-07 Updated 1/19